Indeed, the situation is not easy. The first thing to do is decide how great the degree of this love is. Are you ready to sacrifice a lot, take risks at every step, slowly, literally at a snail's pace, moving towards cherished goal. If not, then the advice is simpler than steamed turnips - stop loving!
And one should not blame the author for cynicism. It is much easier to stop loving a man than to risk your career and reputation. You just need to change your usual routine life, go out more often, notice other, no less impressive men, and in any free minute imagine the object of your love in awkward situations. Can't fall out of love? Doesn't it bother you that an affair with a married man, much less a boss, rarely ends well? Are you ready to break up someone else's family? Just don’t look for an excuse by imagining his wife to be a complete bitch. Most likely, she is no worse than you, and maybe in some ways more correct. After all, she did not take him away from the family, but went with him a long way from the wife of a bespectacled student to an important first lady. Are you still determined? Then act:
1. Show him that you are a great professional. You take on any job and complete it on time. You work faster and better than other employees. He must notice you and highlight you. As you move up the career ladder, you get closer to your loved one.
2. Become indispensable to him. Getting as close to the boss as possible short distance, try to become extremely necessary for him. You are the one who always has a needle and thread to sew a torn button on his shirt. It is from you that he asks for paper clips, paper, pencil and other little things. You are the one who brews incomparable coffee (learn about office coffee too).
3. Is yours appearance must be flawless, but not too glamorous. After all, the excessive gloss of a low-level employee indicates that she has a rich patron. The blouse is not from the most expensive boutique, but perfectly matched to the suit. The hair is well-groomed, the makeup is not flashy, but exciting. Under no circumstances wear too revealing minis, etc. This will only indicate your availability and he, flattered by your delicious charms, will, of course, spend the night with you, but only one. You have a different goal.
4. If it is customary in the office to treat employees on their birthdays, show off your culinary skills. And even if your grandmother baked this cake, and your mother prepared the liqueur, don’t tell anyone about it, even in secret.
5. Try to find out strengths and weaknesses of his partner. Show that you have all the same strengths, plus you don’t have any of her weaknesses.
6. Watch your back. The time of quarrels in his family is your time. It is at these moments that he will pay closer attention to the women around him. For now, he will do this not because he is looking for a replacement for his wife, but because he is making comparisons. Make sure the comparison is in your favor.
7. Don't impose yourself, but try to become a friend to whom he turns with his problems. But don't overdo it. He should not perceive you only as a “vest”.
8. Don't rush to jump into his bed. Appear inaccessible. It’s good if you have previously established such a reputation. Be happy to accept invitations to the cinema or restaurant, but after a great time, hurry home.
9. If you are not the dream of all the men in your office from eighteen to sixty years old, then create an artificial hype around yourself. If several times a day men call your mobile phone, tormented by unrequited feelings for you (these could be friends or even girlfriends), he will definitely join the competition for the right to own such a beautiful lady.
10. Under no circumstances don't speak ill of his wife. Feel sorry for her and justify her. But your excuses should be femininely naive and crumble to smithereens if you approach them logically. Be sure that he will definitely think about your words and understand how kind and generous you are.
11. You will definitely feel the moment when he is on the verge of making a fateful decision. Drive it up, acting out the scene of refusing another admirer’s marriage proposal. It won’t help, let them know that the next one is looming on the horizon. I bet he'll try to squeeze into the gap between your fans!
Mom, I fell in love... with my boss
He is smart, interesting and damn attractive. Looking at him, you think with a sinking heart: “This is him, the one I’ve been looking for for so long!” And it seems that he even has almost no flaws. Except for one thing: he's your boss.
So it happened. If you used to live from weekend to weekend, now you can’t wait for the next Monday. Already on Sunday morning, you begin to think about how to dress in such a way as to comply with the dress code and see delight in your appearance in His eyes. You - oh horror!!! - stopped being late. For two whole years you ran into your office, making up stories as you went about a broken alarm clock, neighbors who flooded you, and your grandmother, who urgently had to be moved across the street. And now you are present at the workplace fifteen minutes before the start of the working day. Colleagues are surprised: where do such changes come from? But you just smile mysteriously. You just got a new boss a couple of months ago.
It would seem that there are continuous advantages. But... love affair at work- the thing itself is not an easy thing, and relationships with your boss are fraught with even more pitfalls. Let's try to figure out what the most common problems you may encounter.
Romance with the boss. Problem one - no reciprocity
“We choose, we are chosen, how often this does not coincide,” sang the heroine of Svetlana Kryuchkova in “Big Change.” The problem of non-reciprocity is acute in any relationship, and “boss-subordinate” couples are no exception. You melt at the sight of him, but he doesn’t even think about you. In your fantasies, you have already done everything possible with him, but he perceives you exclusively as a work colleague. The situation may be further complicated by the fact that your boss will deliberately keep his distance, since in the hierarchy of male values, work ranks an order of magnitude higher than personal relationships.
Natalya, 24 years old: “My boss, Andrey, is impressive and an interesting man 36 years. Purposeful, smart, with excellent taste - in general, just ideal. After several months of working together, I realized that he had occupied all my thoughts. But Andrei stubbornly ignored all attempts at flirting, did not react to little feminine tricks and kept his distance with all his might. Although it seemed to me that he was interested in me. I was never able to break this wall. I think the problem is that he had some kind of block in his head: twist affair with a subordinate- wrong".
Basically, falling in love with the boss- something more positive than negative. Like any love, even if there is no reciprocity on his part. If these feelings give you strength, lift your spirits, promote creativity - this is only a plus. Have you noticed that when you are in love, you attract men like a magnet? There is nothing surprising. A woman in love always radiates vibes of happiness, which cannot go unnoticed. And perhaps your other half will be among those who fall under your spell. And platonic love for the boss and your failed romance will remain a bright memory in your mind.
Another question is when your feelings are heated to the limit, and the chosen one is cold, like an iceberg in the ocean. You have already tried all known methods to interest him, but you have achieved nothing. At night you sob into your pillow and don’t know what to do next. In this case, you need to either change something in yourself, or, if this doesn’t work out, change your job. Since it is much more difficult to forget a person whom you are forced to see every day.
Romance with the boss. Problem two - negativity from colleagues
However, if you are lucky and your and your boss’s sympathy is mutual, be prepared that, having noticed your interest in each other, the team will take up arms against you. This situation is especially likely if the team is female.
Olga, 27 years old: “When he came to our department new boss, Oleg, we immediately had a sympathy. He is only 4 years older than me, we have many common interests, we approach many things in a similar way. I have rarely met people with whom it would be so easy for me! We started communicating outside of work - sometimes we went to the cinema, to concerts. From time to time we had lunch together. Even before we started dating, I began to feel negativity from my female colleagues. Despite the fact that Oleg and I did not advertise our communication, they apparently sensed that something was brewing between us. People whom just yesterday I considered almost friends have practically stopped contacting me. It was quite difficult for me to be in such an atmosphere, and I decided to quit, because I was not ready to sacrifice my relationship with my lover for the sake of the team.”
Several factors play a role here. The first one is banal female jealousy. Even if your colleagues are quite happily married, the fact that the boss chose you out of everyone will haunt them. This is the feminine essence (or, as one of my friends said, “female bitch”). The second factor is that those around you will feel that, thanks to affair with the boss, you are in a special position. And even though your lover actually demands more from you than from others, but feminine principle“Who are we friends against?” in the case of your affair with your boss, it becomes especially relevant.
Romance with the boss. Problem three - he is the boss even at home
The one who was your boss yesterday is your boyfriend today? But here’s the problem: he considers you his subordinate not only in the workplace, but also at home. Such cases are also not uncommon.
Katya, 26 years old: “We met Daniil when I was working as a store administrator, and he was a director. They began to date, and then live together. No matter how much I tried to explain to him that work is one thing, but personal relationships are completely different, in the family he still behaved with me like a boss with a subordinate. We ended up breaking up because of this.”
People, long time Those in leadership positions often become accustomed to a certain communication style. It’s good if your partner knows how to separate the personal from the professional. And if not? Try to talk to him, explain that you are not happy with this state of affairs. Be extremely frank, tell us that this attitude towards yourself outside the office offends you. A person who truly values you will definitely listen.
Romance with the boss. Problem four - love or work?
As is already clear, in most cases relationship with the boss, for one reason or another you will be faced with a choice - either feelings or work. Before you start affair with the boss, set your priorities. If at this stage professional development in this organization is more important to you, o office romance It's better to forget right away. But if you understand that this man is so significant to you that you are ready to sacrifice your career for the sake of your relationship, feel free to take a step.
Marina, 31 years old: “I got a job as an assistant to the head of the sales department. My boss, Maxim, and I had a good relationship from the very beginning, but there was no talk of falling in love. Besides, he was married. Feelings flared up after about six months of working together. No matter how trite, after New Year's corporate party. We danced the whole evening, and after that I realized that this was not just sympathy. I fell in love with my boss! Maxim told me that he and his wife have not lived together for a long time, only formally they still remain spouses. After six months of our relationship, he filed for divorce, and a few months later he asked me to marry him. We have been together for several years and are happy! True, I had to quit my job. But I don’t regret it a bit.”
Everyone dreams of finding their other half, but no one knows where and under what circumstances the meeting will take place. And, it is quite possible that the man who by chance turned out to be your boss is your destiny... And the story of how the office walls connected two loving hearts will become your family legend.
“I fell in love with my boss, a man much older than me. About the role model, the image of the father, and so on - nonsense. I grew up in a full-fledged family, I love my father very much and I don’t need “substitutes”. He is 17 years older than me. Some people say “as much as a whole”, but for me it’s “only 17”. He reciprocates my feelings. But as happy as I am now, I am also unhappy. He insists that no one knows about us. I don’t see any development in the relationship yet. I am ready to live at work, to give up everyone. And I'm afraid. I don't want to lose my job, but I don't want to lose him either. How to make sense of all this? What to do?"
Olga (22 years old)
Psychologist's answer:
The issue will have to be dealt with sequentially. Let's go in order.
Age difference. It so happened that formerly a woman At 40, she was considered quite mature. Accordingly, “I had to get married” and give birth at the age of 18-20. The age difference between spouses most often was no more than 10 years, because if it reached 18-20 years, it was considered practically a generational leap. Now everything is different - the average life expectancy has increased and average age women in labor Today, the expression “much older than me” is not as relevant as it once was. It's another matter if the age difference reaches 30-40 years, but that's a different story.
Father's prototype. For a girl, the first man in her life is her dad. It is based on her father that the girl draws up a portrait of her life partner. The choice largely depends on the relationship between daughter and father. Girls who are 10 or more years older than themselves often choose partners who received additional love, care and affection from their father in childhood. For this, the family does not have to be incomplete: the father was busy earning money and did not give his daughter the necessary support. Growing up, such a girl unconsciously chooses a man older than herself in order to compensate for the lack of fatherly love and attention that she did not receive in childhood. Also, the reason for choosing an older partner may be strong love daughters for father ─ love, which is close to the idealization of a person. In this case, growing up, the girl is looking for practically a “second copy” of her father, since she feels comfortable and safe with him.
Feeling "unhappy" due to the impossibility of an open relationship at the moment. In a state of love, we want to shout to the whole world about our feelings, share this joy with others, but when this is impossible, we become more unhappy. The key to the success of any relationship is openness. Talk to the man using the “I Message” method. The essence of the technique is to conduct a conversation not through a complaint ( "You don't want to tell anyone about me because you..."), and through your feelings ( “I feel unhappy because we are hiding our relationship. I'm confused and want to understand, are we a couple? Yes, I have feelings for you and I would like to understand what you feel for me and whether there is a prospect for our relationship.").
There is no need to be afraid of such a conversation. Fear comes when there is uncertainty. If you resolve it, it will be easier to understand the situation, accept and understand it.
To gain confidence, you can prepare for a conversation using good exercise. Write a “letter” to a man ─ write down on a piece of paper everything that you want to tell him through “I messages”. Re-read what you wrote several times - this will help you be more confident in the conversation. It is important to prepare for any outcome of the dialogue, but not to stress yourself out and not to anticipate the outcome. Of course, if you want to speed up the development of events and somehow resolve the situation.
So, you came to your new place of work and met him. No, not just him, but HIM with a capital M, the man of your dreams.
But, unfortunately, he turned out to be your boss, and also a very handsome man, whom all women, without exception, look at. Feelings have overwhelmed you, and all you can think about is how to make your boss fall in love with you.
Psychologists recommend not to rush headlong into the pool, but to carefully observe the object of passion in order to understand how to please your boss. Look at his immediate circle, evaluate with whom and how he communicates, whether he likes flattery, whether you have a rival.
According to many experienced seductresses, there are prohibitions that should not be violated if you want to attract the attention of an accomplished man:
- Never pester your boss with stupid advances. It is unlikely that he will become interested in you if he understands that you are not very smart.
- If you are noticed by a handsome, young boss, be prepared for envious colleagues to talk about you.
- A boss in love does not always begin to flirt with the object of desire; much more often he has doubts about the sincerity of his intentions, and therefore ignores courtship. You should behave more restrained until you gain his trust.
- If a boss falls in love with a subordinate, this does not mean at all that she can be careless about her work. If you're flirting with your boss just for the sake of messing around, it's unlikely to be viewed favorably.
- There is no need to wear a super mini or a low-cut dress if the office has strict dress codes. Of course, you will be noticed, but not at all because you have slender legs or magnificent breasts.
Don’t forget that the boss is an ordinary man who likes the attention of the fairer sex, so it’s quite possible to achieve his favor. So, if you fall in love with your boss, what should you do?
The main thing is to never doubt your strengths and feminine charm; men are perfectly aware of any uncertainty. Watch the film “The Most Charming and Attractive,” where a friend-psychologist gives the main character very practical advice.
Watch your appearance: he must understand that you are the very femininity and charm. Don’t get carried away with flirting, watch his reaction: modest smiles, small signs of attention, unobtrusive compliments - all these are the first signs of a man in love. Make it a rule to learn something new about him every day, learn his schedule. Try to find at least 10 minutes during working hours to be alone with him.
How to tell if your boss is in love with you
We looked in detail at how to please a male boss, now let's talk about how to understand whether he likes you.
The second sign of how a lover behaves is flirting. If your boss feels in love, he will definitely communicate with you differently than with other subordinates. For example, he will be interested not only in the plans of the company, but also in whether you like roses.
Evening meetings and endless text messages “with or without reason” are a great way to determine whether your boss has begun to fall in love with you. Pay special attention to how he communicates with you overtime, is he trying to show care, attention, or is he just demanding results? Try to find out from your colleagues whether the boss sends messages to everyone; if only for you, it means he is in love, but has not yet decided to do more.
When a male boss begins to feel in love, he will definitely try to establish trusting relationship- for example, he will tell you some secret of the company or offer concessions that you clearly do not deserve.
Most sure sign a boss in love - if one day he suddenly changes his image, especially if the day before you discussed for a long time what clothes he could wear, which haircut would better emphasize the dignity of his face. An important sign is how the boss behaved during this conversation: whether he touched your hand, tried to hug you, or looked languidly into your eyes. Frequent and long laughter and feigned gaiety also signal that he cares about you.
How to get your boss's love
Psychologists suggest using a little trick - trying to start a relationship in a place not related to work. To do this, you will have to show your spy skills and dig deep into his personal life, find out what he likes, whether he has hobbies or interests - for example, whether he plays sports.
How to find out where he is spending free time? In fact, everything is very simple: try asking your male colleagues, because they definitely know about all the weaknesses of their superiors.
Use any excuse to show him your attention - in this case, his birthday or February 23rd are ideal. Try to cook for him special gift: if your boss loves football, solemnly present him with a symbol of his favorite team - it could be a scarf or T-shirt with sports symbols.
This is the main reason why many office romances, having never begun, end because excessive self-confidence forces women to make fatal mistakes. The boss understands that you are trying to use him for personal purposes, and therefore will try to distance himself from you as much as possible.
If, after all, you were able to achieve the favor of your boss, try to keep your mouth shut and not tell any of your colleagues about this - there will definitely be envious people and will try to belittle you in the eyes of your loved one. You shouldn’t prescribe it yourself romantic dates for the boss - it’s better if all the initiative comes from him. Before starting courtship, it won’t hurt you to make sure that your boss is free and you’re not in danger of playing the role of an eternal mistress, and a broken family isn’t best foundation for new relationships. Author: Natalya Ivanova
Unfortunately, sometimes a person feels love to someone for whom it is absolutely forbidden to feel it. Women tend to show tenderness to men who have a number of disadvantages, ignore and demonstrate their dishonest behavior. In order to achieve the affection of such a man, representatives of the fair sex go to great lengths, but most often the result does not live up to expectations.
And there is a situation when love appears in relation to your boss, which can not only ruin your reputation, but also affect the work process. But what if you can’t sleep at night, dreaming about the man who is your boss? Try to attract his attention or make every effort to stop loving him? let's consider this problem in detail.
Really assess the situation. According to statistics, romances with your boss rarely end well; most often it is just an affair. Most often the boss is married man who has a family. If you want to destroy someone else’s happiness, then think carefully, because this will not make you or your object of adoration any better. Today, there are many known cases of a man divorcing his wife for the sake of a woman who was seeking his attention with all her might.
Even more examples male. Which of these do you like best? The realization that your boss cheated on his wife for your sake or that you are destroying someone else’s family? In the first case, you find yourself in awkward situation, because you are nothing other than a mistress. Not every woman is ready to put up with this role, but she realizes this too late.
In the second case, you destroy someone else's happiness and become an object hatred Not only ex-wife loved one, but also the entire family environment. It is quite possible that you will have fun, satisfy your physical and moral needs, but in the end you will be left with nothing. Psychologists advise, first of all, to realistically evaluate the pros and cons, and only then take decisive action.
If you decide that it is not worth building new relationship with the boss. Many people say that you can’t tell your heart, so it’s simply impossible to stop loving a man with whom your voice trembles. This is not entirely true, because most often women are overly fanatical about their feelings, feeding them in every possible way with new emotions. Surely you allow yourself to feel sad for your boss, try to become closer to him and find something in common. But you don’t have to do this, but on the contrary, develop a dislike for this man. Your mistake is that you stop being interested in something else. You constantly think about him and forget that besides your feelings there are also various areas activities and other people.
Start with organizing your leisure time. Look online for upcoming films, plays and shows at local clubs. Choose something that you usually like, even though you don't want anything right now. Take your free time and start communicating more actively. Attend events, don’t refuse meetings, and try to be the center of attention more often. Now you need to surround yourself with men who are every bit as good as your boss.
They should be wealthy, strong and successful. If you are attracted to your boss's appearance, pay attention to attractive representatives of the stronger sex. You won't be able to fall in love right away, so just communicate and don't give up dating. You must understand that in this way you will not only find new acquaintances, but also be able to test your feelings. Sometimes falling in love can be a hormonal surge, followed by indifference.
If you realized that your boss is the love of your life:
1. Express yourself at work. If you want your boss to distinguish you from others, be sure to start with success in. Submit your report before everyone else, do an extra amount of work, and appear in his office more often with good news. He must understand that you are an irreplaceable worker who has no equal. If you blend in with the others, then there is a high probability that he will not be interested in you as a woman. It will simply be difficult for him to focus his attention on you when he is busy with work and there are a lot of employees in the office. So try to do well. This will allow you to receive a bonus and the attention of the man who interests you so much.
2. Pay attention to appearance. Here, as in everything, there must be restraint. You will be wrong if you immediately put on a mini and cover your chest with a deep neckline. You must understand that this is how you can attract a man’s attention in order to get him for one night; he will not think about anything more serious. But your appearance should be impeccable: a perfectly ironed blouse, polished shoes and light, unnoticeable makeup should be yours. in a casual way. Give up expensive jewelry and branded clothing, otherwise your boss will suspect the presence of a gentleman.
3. Stay alert. Surely some troubles happen in his life, especially when it comes to his family. As soon as he has a quarrel with his wife, refuse to be there and show him that you are better. Do not speak negatively about his wife under any circumstances, otherwise this may become your fatal mistake. Pay attention to what he says about his wife, and with all your actions show that you are significantly different from her. Listen carefully to what he tells others about his wife, and try to be ideal for him, not like her.
4. Be unavailable. Many women, in the hope of getting the attention and love of their boss, decide to do desperate things, but this is wrong. You must show him that you are unavailable, otherwise he will not be interested. If he became a boss, it means he loves to compete and loves to win. Ask your friends to call you several times a day, and pretend that they are obsessive fans. You can go on a date with your boss, but after the meeting, hurry home without giving in to passion. This is the only way he will understand that you are a dear woman who deserves the best.
