Love. When I pronounce this word, in an instant I take in with my inner gaze everything around, everything that exists. Love is what drives me. Now I'm talking about love as a connection between people. That thread that connects absolutely everything in the world of the soul. And not just souls, absolutely everything. For example, the sound of the ocean, the sound of a waterfall and the sound of fire are very similar. And in every creation there is this subtle noise. This is Love.
And manifestations of love can be very different. Aching tenderness, warmth in the chest, joy and bliss are recognizable indicators of Love. Few people know that hatred, anger and aggression are also manifestations of love. Where there are feelings, there is love. Love in that understanding is like energy. Another thing is that it is mixed with internal pain and turns into these unsightly and socially unacceptable feelings.
How to separate the wheat from the chaff? How to recognize the ringing string of the Soul in the cacophony of this orchestra of mixed feelings?
For me, the fundamental support in the land of love was fairy tale for adults A.S.-Exupery “The Little Prince” This is a fairy tale about the miracle of love, about distant planets, about how adults are too serious, and the best of them are like children because they believe in the extraordinary. This fairy tale explains to us that “you can’t see the most important things with your eyes” and that “only the heart is vigilant”
And the words of the Fox “you are forever responsible for those you have tamed” became a symbol of Humanity and Understanding.
The little prince lived alone on his little planet. He carefully weeded out baobab sprouts and cleaned out volcanoes. One day, a rose suddenly blossomed on his planet. She was very beautiful and capricious. This upset and offended the Little Prince. And one day he left her, going to travel to different planets. But the most important thing he learned on planet Earth.
One day he met five thousand roses exactly like his Rose. The little prince was very upset. But the meeting with the Fox opened his eyes. Then he returned to the flowers and said: “You are not at all like my rose... it is the only one that is dearest to me. After all, it was her, not you, that I watered every day. I covered her, not you, with a glass cover. He blocked it with a screen, protecting it from the wind.”
This is probably one of the most unusual mysteries: on what basis do two people choose each other? It was good for the little prince: only one rose grew on his planet. He cared about her, was worried about her and was offended by her. I fell in love with her. And when there is a whole garden of roses around - which one to choose?
Of course, this is inexplicable. That first impulse of the heart, which may turn out to be the beginning of love, can be experienced many times by everyone. But love is work, and love is a verb. Which means action. And love is soulful work, which not everyone can handle. That’s why not everyone is lucky enough to “meet” their love. Not ready to just invest in a relationship.
I think that when there is this feeling of the presence of love, regardless of the presence of an object, then one’s soul mate is found much faster and easier. And exactly according to your soul.
And all stages of relationship development also smoothly and harmoniously lead to true love- Proximity. What are these stages?
1. Falling in love is euphoria.
2. Habituation.
3. We begin to notice shortcomings.
4. The emergence of the first quarrels.
Very often, at point 4, a stupor occurs in a relationship. But as the popular proverb says, “darlings scold, they only amuse themselves.” Indeed, after reconciliation, the brightness of feelings arises again. And the cycle repeats. Only quarrels can happen more and more often, and love gradually fades away, and to be precise, it does not even have time to bloom. Unfortunately, very often psychologists work only with these four points. And the person himself gets stuck at this stage of the relationship. But according to Vedic knowledge there are the following stages:
5.Dharma. The purpose of men and women. Understanding your nature is no less important than the ability to competently resolve conflicts.
6. Respect. Only by understanding and accepting our nature can we accept the nature of another person.
7. Friendship. Yes, yes, don’t be surprised, only then can true friendship mature.
8. And finally, love. A truly close relationship.
But that's not all. After the birth of love, the task ahead is to learn to swaddle and lull it, to support its flowering. How can you keep yourself and the only one you love from simply looking around with interest in order to remain the only one among all women, like the little prince’s Rose?
After all, it is much more difficult to keep love than to find it. It would seem that this is a big secret for so many people. But Saint-Exupery was one of those who knows this secret.
When the little prince began his journey, he visited several planets. An absolute monarch lived on one of them. He was very kind, and therefore gave only reasonable orders. “Everyone must be asked what he can give. Power must be reasonable,” said the king. And he also said: “If I order my general to turn into a seagull... and if the general does not carry out his order, then it will be my fault, not his.”
The struggle for power often begins in a family from the first moments of life. But we don't owe anyone anything. And in love too.
As the wise Fox said, in order to tame someone, you need to be patient. I believe this is one of the derivatives of love. The little prince flew away from his planet because he was angry with the capricious rose. Who was to blame for their quarrels? Of course both. Rose ruled unwisely, and the Little Prince did not yet know how to love, just as almost all of us do not know how to love in our youth.
And again the words of the Fox come to mind: “Only the heart is vigilant. You can’t see the most important thing with your eyes.” The little prince, having heard these words, realized something about his rose: “I listened to her in vain. You don’t need to listen to what the flowers say, you just need to look at them and breathe in their scent. I didn’t understand anything then! It was necessary to judge not by words, but by deeds.” I think the author meant that the one who knows how to love loves in spite of trifles and does not accumulate petty grievances. He loves with deeds, not words.
Very often we devalue the real support of our other half. We don't notice Whatthe person does for us. And of course, bad helpers for us are: unreasonable authority and inflated expectations. They cut off the shoots of love at the root, like a great lawnmower.
But when you love, you want not only for yourself, but what the Other needs. And you can see through the eyes of the Other. Then love gives incomparable joy, then it is like a gift to the heart, like that water that the Pilot and the Little Prince found with difficulty.
He drank it with his eyes closed. The water from this well did more than just restore strength. The song of the wheel, the long journey under the starry sky, the effort of the hands - that’s what made her so sweet...
And when you love, you want to give the best option yourself. Developing and reflecting, feeling and accepting, we are not afraid to be open; we are always different for our halves. And they don’t have the slightest opportunity to look at other roses.
Before meeting the Fox, the Little Prince met a snake. She responded to his request to take him out to the people, because it is still lonely in the desert, with these words: “It is also lonely among people.”
Here is the second position “it’s also lonely among people” as opposed to the first “you are responsible for everyone you have tamed.” Or maybe it’s lonely for someone who simply doesn’t know how to love? After all, being responsible is not easy.
The little prince thought about this a lot and decided to return to his rose. “You know... my rose... I am responsible for her. And she’s so weak and simple-minded.”
Perhaps this is the main thing hidden: learning to love and being responsible for the one you love?
For the pilot, the Little Prince was weak, and he was responsible for him, but for the prince the rose was weak... And he strong man the one you love, alone with himself he is also weak and also simple-minded, who will help him if not you?
And then quarrels will definitely go away, a quantum leap in relationships will occur. And you know, not only in relationships between men and women, but also in relationships with other people. After all, Love connects absolutely everyone and everything. Your mother, who until now has been difficult to understand and accept, will suddenly open up to you from a completely different side. Or someone else will surprise you with their sincerity... Or maybe you will start to hear your children? I don’t know... Only the heart is vigilant...
And love... it simply exists, it cannot but exist....
I want to tell you about how I divided my life into two parts. Then I was 24, I had a three-year-old daughter, there was a guy with whom I had lived for 3 years, but did not love him. He was very good man: he did everything for me, refused me nothing, but I didn’t need such a man. We women like it when we are tormented. By nature he was very calm, quiet, even a little timid, and even smaller than me. One day I honestly told him that I didn’t love him and couldn’t live with him. But you know, we are all selfish, that is, when a person really loves unselfishly, he will say: you know, I love you so much, so I’m letting you go, since you feel bad with me. But in reality: be with me, please don’t leave me, I’ll feel bad. A strong person who can just let you go, but there are few of them. In general, we broke up.
website
Then I met my future husband. He was what I always dreamed of: strong, courageous, and even a military man. I was afraid of him, I couldn’t utter a word, my hands were shaking, I blushed at every word, I was a very modest girl. Then I thought that this was very bad and that he would not love me like that. At that time I had tranquilizer pills and before meeting him I took a pill. This made me relaxed, uninhibited, I didn’t blush and could communicate freely. He recognized me just like that, but in my heart I felt differently. This lasted for two months, I was on pills. In my heart I understood that I was playing some kind of double game.
We got married, after 3 months I became pregnant (then I no longer took the pills). But still, some kind of deception remained in my soul, I had a feeling that he perceived me not at all the way I felt inside, but saw in me that person: a liberated, brave other, but not me. I got carried away, I created my second personality.
After giving birth, I began to feel depressed, my husband was a stranger to me, even my son seemed a stranger, I felt deception, lies, games all around. And then I realized what I had done to myself, I learned what depression is: you no longer need anything, everything that interested you, even your husband and children, is scary. I got what I was looking for, but which, as it turned out, I didn’t need.
So I lived, having 2 personalities. When my husband looked at me, I could no longer determine who I really was. I became a stranger to myself, I was scared to look at myself in the mirror, from there a stranger was looking at me.
But my husband turned out to be no gift either. He was jealous, cruel, I could not take a step without his knowledge. The man is very domineering, intractable, difficult. I was helpless, dependent, I couldn’t buy anything for myself without his control and approval. I developed phobias, I was afraid of people, I couldn’t communicate calmly, I was afraid to go out, I was afraid to be alone at home and even to be alone with myself. It's a miracle that I didn't end up in a mental hospital.
We were together for 6 years when I left him. Now, without him, I have also been alone for 6 years with my beloved son. I love him. And my daughter is smart and beautiful, I am proud of my children. I’m still coming to my senses, but I feel like a completely happy person. That man before my husband, he was too good, he could not give me this knowledge that I had to learn to pull myself out of this hole. I now understand that only a person like my husband could help me in my suffering. Because, unfortunately, we learn through suffering, and until we fully feel the weight of our cross, we will not begin to think at all. So we will swim in search of happiness, like blind kittens in the vast ocean of life.
Only now I understand that I needed that experience. website Now I’m completely different, I’ve learned so much about life, I’ve learned to enjoy every blade of grass, to appreciate every moment, to enjoy even the bad, I’ve learned to forgive, to see both the bad and the good in people, I’ve learned the meaning of life, and that’s worth a lot.
And I don't regret anything. This means that life could not force me to start thinking differently. Never regret anything, accept everything in your life - it is too short and too beautiful to waste it on self-torture. Live now, enjoying every second, love life with all your heart and it will answer you in kind. And trust her, she knows what you need.
Current page: 1 (book has 4 pages in total)
Stucky ==========
Steve Rogers always did the right thing. That’s what the country thought, that’s what his friends thought, and that’s what he himself once thought. That's what he thought before everything around him began to fall apart. That's what he thought until the last drops of confidence in his actions dried up. And they dried up yesterday. Yesterday, when once again Steve's world began to collapse at a terrible speed. Once again, Steve couldn't handle it again.
Peter ran around the apartment with a backpack in his hands, collecting his things. Peter screamed that he hated Steve Rogers, and oh god, he hated Bucky Barnes. He shouted that there was nothing worse than staying here. There's nothing worse than trying to please Rogers. He shouted this, choking on tears, throwing another stretched T-shirt into his backpack. And Steve squinted his eyes every time Peter slammed the door too hard.
Steve no longer remembers why it all started yesterday. His head seems like cast iron to him, and he has difficulty lifting it from the pillow. Sometimes Steve Rogers is afraid to open his eyes, but, fortunately, no one knows about this. For a couple of months now he has been constantly getting up alone. And not because there is no one nearby. It’s just that whoever is there suddenly lost all interest in him. Sometimes Steve feels like the whole world has decided to turn against him. Against fucking Captain America.
He goes into the kitchen almost by touch. He, of course, opened his eyes, but a picture from the past still flashes before them, which he dreamed of at the wrong time tonight. Steve presses the button on the coffee maker and sits down at the table, trying to bring himself to his senses. Peter didn't come yesterday, and Steve wouldn't be sure that Barnes even came, but his dirty mug was already in the sink as usual. Steve sighed. He had never been so lonely before. Not when he woke up in a fucking new world where no one he knew was there anymore. Not when he watched Bucky Barnes rush off the cliff. Never had he felt so alone and never had he felt so lousy.
The picture from the past was surprisingly clear. Peaceful face on Steve's lap, fingers in dark brown hair. Blue eyes looking with a grin. Bucky looked so at home that even now the memories made his heart ache and breathing became much more difficult. Bucky looked different, not like he does now. Now he looks aloof and cold. And it seems to be Steve's fault. He blames himself for everything, perhaps this is a hero complex. You always want to be good, but you don’t always succeed, especially in family life. But Steve tries again and again, each time screwing up even more.
This time he didn't know where to start. With Peter, whose whereabouts he knows as clearly as his schedule, or with Bucky, about whom he knows almost nothing anymore. It seems to him that this is his miscalculation. It seems to him that he simply did not notice when his Bucky became different. And god, he's still afraid to admit to himself that Bucky's been gone for a long time. From the very moment he fell into the abyss. Steve is even more afraid of this than of opening his eyes. He is afraid to realize his own stupidity and his own miscalculation. He’s afraid to admit to himself that it’s all his fault, that James is better off anywhere than next to him. He is afraid that with his eternal attempts to regain Bucky, he will cling to a piece of the past - he will destroy his present. Steve understands that he definitely can’t handle this today, so he gets dressed and heads straight to Stark.
The first thing Steve sees is the backpack. It's lying open next to the sofa, and Steve winces. The second thing he sees is Peter sleeping on the couch. He wants to approach, he almost approaches, but someone’s hand catches his wrist.
“Let him sleep, we’ll talk in the kitchen,” Stark drags Steve along with him, and Rogers doesn’t resist much.
- When he came? – Steve, to be honest, doesn’t want to talk at all. His head is already a complete mess, and Tony Stark is famous for being able to make it even worse.
“He came at night...listen,” Tony puts two cups of coffee on the table and motions for Steve to sit down. He sits down, if only because he simply needed a second mug of coffee. Because his head is still spinning. “I understand you, Steve, but if you take him away now, it will only get worse,” Rogers sighs.
“Listen, Tony, I don’t want to offend you in any way, but you will be the last person I ask how I should raise my son,” he looks at Stark, but he doesn’t seem angry at these words at all.
“I understand,” he nods, taking a sip from his glass of coffee. “You look like crap, Rogers, is it your wife that’s bothering you so much?” – Tony grins, but somehow bitterly.
“I’ll go wake up Peter,” Steve understands that he can’t stand talking with Stark for more than five minutes, so he empties his mug and gets up from the table.
- He'll come back anyway. If not today, then tomorrow. Lock him in the closet, Rogers, so that the boy has no personal life at all,” Stark’s voice sounds somehow broken and at the same time impudent. But Stark has long since lost any insolence, only banal fatigue and the desire to send the whole world to hell. Especially Steve Rogers.
“He may have a personal life, but only with his classmates, not with you,” Rogers returns to the hall, where his son is still snoring sweetly on the sofa.
“If I listen to you, then nothing will work out with me at all,” he doesn’t shout, doesn’t get angry, he says it as if he were voicing some fact. But Steve gets uncomfortable. The fact that his son is in love with a man with whom he himself tried to build something is completely frightening. The fact that Tony is always trying to screw him is even more frightening. “You know, your paranoia, Rogers, sometimes goes beyond all bounds,” Peter begins to wince.
- Dad? – he opens his eyes, trying to figure out where he is, but consciousness does not come immediately after sleep.
“Get up, let’s go home,” Steve steps aside. He doesn't want to look at Peter, and he certainly doesn't want to look at Stark.
“I lied to you so you would go to bed,” Tony shakes his head. Peter looks like he's been slapped. “Listen, little one, your dad is right,” Stark reaches out to Peter’s hair, burying his fingers in it, but Peter immediately flies to the side.
- Dad!? Dad is right!? What are you right about, dad!? “Steve doesn’t have time to understand when Peter is nearby. He screams and stomps his feet, but doesn't look scary at all. – Why can’t you just leave me alone, tell me!? – Steve sighs. He wants to say a lot to Peter, but the words get stuck in his throat.
“Peter, I’m an old man, can’t you see it?” – but Tony speaks for him.
– What the hell difference does it make!? And you’re not an old man at all! Rogers wants to cover his ears. “Or...or is it just that you still love him?” “Peter looks like a tub of cold water has just been thrown on him. “God...I didn’t even think about that,” he grabs his backpack and falls onto the sofa.
- Damn, Peter, can you at least listen to someone sometimes?! – Steve still breaks down. – You are simply unbearable! Stop thinking only about yourself! There are people around you too, Peter, for example, me! Although, yes, you are already quite an adult and you don’t care about your father! You know, I’ve had enough, why am I the only one who’s always responsible for you!? Rogers is freaking out. It seems like this is happening for the first time, because even Tony is left sitting with his mouth open. Steve has no more strength left. It seems these were the last straws.
He goes outside without even knowing where he is going to go. He just walks, trying to close his eyes so tightly that tears will not fall from them. But apparently that's not how it works. Steve Rogers is the fucking pride of America. Steve Rogers is the one millions of children want to be like. He is ideal, he seems unapproachable. Fucking rock. But today all his invincibility has cracked. Today Steve Rogers is tired of being made of stone. Today he has the right to cry.
Comment to Stucky
For correcting mistakes, happiness and goodness to everyone: 3 I don’t always notice mistakes and can make banal mistakes) I’m terribly inattentive, but with ideas in my head) In general, enjoy reading, I’ll be glad if you don’t close the fanfic after this chapter) More interesting things to come! Hope…
Starker ==========
Tony remains sitting on the couch even as the door slams behind Steve. He was already used to watching him leave. How many times has he seen this already? The back of his head and the slamming door. It almost became a habit.
“Damn,” Peter slumps to the floor, but Tony doesn’t even move to do anything. He is devastated. Today wasn't the best Good morning, and the Rogers family seems to have decided to finish him off.
For several months now, Stark has been tormented by one single problem - Rogers' son. With this fair-haired boy who damn near reminds him of Steve himself. Painfully correct, honest, sincere. Too sincere. And too open too. Everything about this boy is too much, especially his love. Stark sometimes wonders, is it even possible to be too much in love? If yes, then he knows exactly how it is. And he knows that Peter will outgrow it. He is not a Stark, he is only sixteen and his love is far from the pride of America, in which finding disadvantages is as realistic as finding a needle in a haystack the size of America itself. Stark is sure that he was never so wrong when he first let Peter in.
“Peter, get up,” he asks him not so much because he wants to regret it. It’s just that the paternal instinct in his head tells him that the floor is cold, and Peter is only in his underwear.
“Listen, Peter, nothing could ever happen between us anyway,” these words hit worse than a slap in the face.
- But why!? – Peter jumps up and literally throws himself at Stark’s feet, clinging to his knees with his long fingers. Now Peter reminds him of himself. Himself, who, like an abandoned toy, was lying at Steve’s feet in the same way. Steve, from whose language all his life he has heard only one word with the letter “B”, from which he is already sick. "James Buchanan Bucky Barnes" is too many B's for one person. Tony, of course, doesn't regret that he doesn't have at least one in his name, because, damn it, Steve definitely won't change his decision because of it.
“Your father will twist my head,” a weak smile. Steve, of course, is unlikely to do this, but this Mr. “B” may well, and Tony doesn’t want to check this.
- He won’t do anything to you! – Peter leans forward and Tony doesn’t have time to understand when his face is too close, and thin pink lips touch his dry ones. He feels like a complete insignificance.
- Damn, little one! – Tony jumps up, throwing off his little hands and briskly hiding in the kitchen. He definitely needs a drink. And drink a lot. As much as you can fit, plus a small pile. But first he needs to get rid of Peter. - Friday, do something already! - he freaks out, hitting the refrigerator, which for some reason does not want to open.
“Excuse me, Mr. Stark, but there was a ban on this refrigerator so that Peter could not get into it.” You yourself ordered me to turn on this mode when he’s visiting,” Tony sighs.
“Sorry, Friday,” he usually doesn’t see the point in apologizing to her, because she’s just a program created by himself. But he apologizes because she is his only interlocutor.
“The refrigerator is open,” she seems to understand him, and sometimes Tony thinks he’s overdone it. She turned out to be too human.
“Thank you,” he takes a bottle of whiskey from the refrigerator, and when he returns to the living room, he no longer finds Peter there.
“Peter has left your territory,” Friday said, and Tony thought it became easier to breathe.
Tony didn't know what he was feeling at all. He was always confident in his feelings for Steve, but for his son they were completely ambiguous. Sometimes Tony thinks: what the fuck? Why the hell do these two take up so much space in his life? And why the hell did he let the boy come to him, if before this brown-eyed miracle he didn’t even let the boy come to him? close friend? Peter really became the closest to him. I ran to him after school, talking about another failure, or vice versa, to boast. They rummaged through the pieces of iron together. And Steve was definitely not against their communication, he smiled and made fun of Tony, calling him “third daddy.” Tony liked it. I liked being at least somehow involved in Steve's life. I liked to think, imagine, dream that this was their son. But everything turned upside down when Peter said those words for the first time.
"I love you, Mister Stark"
For some reason, they caused unbearable pain. Tony ran away, leaving the child alone in the laboratory with a bunch of deadly objects. He still scolds himself for this mistake. Tony was used to treating him like a child and did not notice how the boy had grown. I didn’t notice how I allowed myself to fall in love. I didn’t notice how much I fell in love with him. It was wrong, and Tony almost winced at it. Love the child! Loving the son of a man who once meant more to you than your own life. Than the life of this entire planet. And Tony again hid behind his “fatherly instinct,” laughing at himself, at the stupidity of this excuse.
- Damn, Friday, where did he go? Tony is already two glasses in when he panics.
– Whose location should I trace? – and Tony absolutely knows the answer. He doesn't need Friday to know where Rogers is. Steve has only two favorite places to visit when his whole world is falling apart. Tony sometimes feels like he knows Steve even better than he knows himself. Steve is most likely at Peggy's, or rather at her grave. And, perhaps, in a cafe on the outskirts of the city, where he often drinks with Romanov. For some reason, these two are drawn to solitude, to simplicity. Or maybe he ran to Barnes.
“Track Peter,” Friday is silent for exactly nine minutes, Tony is counting. She names the roof of some high-rise building, and Tony jumps up from his seat.
- Is he in a suit? – Tony prays to all the gods that Peter will be in a suit. In the very suit that Tony designed himself. Because then he has no chance of dying.
“Yes,” Stark sighs with relief, but still calls his own and after a couple of minutes he finds himself in the air, heading towards that same high-rise building.
Stucky ==========
James kept repeating that name in his head. His name, which Steve called him so often. It stuck to his lips as if it had been glued to him with tape. Maybe even super glue, but James doesn’t really care. Bucky is the one Steve treasured so much. The one James stopped being a long time ago. This made me sick. She and Steve have been together for a hundred years, and this is no joke. He and Steve have known each other since childhood, but James Barnes no longer remembers his childhood at all. James remembers Hydra, torture, and how Steve Rogers is his main target. These memories are clear, unlike those that arose later. Feelings for Rogers are also clear, but they are not the same feelings as before. James doesn't remember those feelings because they were Bucky's feelings. But James is different, he thinks differently.
James and Steve have been living together for years and they fucking have a kid. A funny boy that they found at the age of five on one of the missions. Bucky is absolutely sure that he loves Peter. He loves him like his son. He remembers every detail about him, even the smallest. He remembers teaching him to ride a bike and his first broken knees. He remembers the first time Peter called him “Dad.” With Steve it happened faster. Because Steve is different. He talks a lot, he is smart and knows how to communicate with children. James can't. James doesn't like to talk at all. It's either Bucky's business. Bucky was talkative, and sometimes James feels embarrassed by his memories. James has never been like Bucky, but he knows Steve expects it.
James tried. He really tried to be like that. I tried to joke like Bucky, tried to use his phrases and words, but it was like pretending to be someone else. Sometimes he thinks it's unfair. What’s unfair is that Steve sees in him not James himself, but a shadow of his past. This also sucks. He always wanted to be James, not Bucky. He wanted to be loved not for these four letters in his name.
It's not Steve's fault, and James understands that. It is difficult for a person to understand how James even exists. Exists with fragments of memory with a new personality. Exists, fighting the urge to run away from everyone who utters a name from his past.
He remembers one thing, just one segment from that time. But he remembers it clearly enough to revel in it. He was Steve's James that day. He was beaten that day and Bucky didn't have time. I didn't have time, damn it! This had never happened, but that evening he just started talking to some girl and didn’t notice how Steve disappeared.
Steve lay next to the trash can, choking on his own blood. James thanked all the gods that he did not have an asthma attack. That day he carried him home in his arms, blaming himself for everything. But Steve didn't think he was guilty. He told him:
“You don’t owe me anything, James,” blood dripped from his lip. Then Bucky winced.
“I owe you more than I think,” Steve passed out, and Bucky dragged him in his arms all the way to the apartment, to the bed, just so as not to wake him up.
That was the only time Steve called him James. Maybe he just doesn't remember something, but damn it, it doesn't really matter. He remembers thin wrists, Blue eyes with black eyes and wild fear. He remembers Steve as he will never be again. Weak, in need of fucking Bucky, who didn’t have time. He remembers it being picked up by James, who eventually caught those freaks and knocked out of them any desire to climb again. James feels bad again. His vision is blurry, and he no longer sees his goal.
- Damn it, Barnes, what are you doing there? Did you fall asleep? – James shakes his head, trying to pull himself together and finally pulls the trigger. He looks down for a couple of minutes and then notices a familiar figure. Blonde hair, brown jacket. He couldn't help but recognize Steve. - Hey, James! Come on quickly! They'll notice you, but he doesn't have time to look at it.
James runs away, afraid of being noticed. For Steve, he is working in a bookstore today. In the very bookstore towards which he is heading. And Bucky runs there too. He runs across the rooftops, down fire escapes, taking off his suit as he goes. He throws it into his backpack, pulls on a gray T-shirt and pulls his hair into a ponytail. He breathes heavily, trying to catch his breath, and plops down behind the cash register.
“Hello,” the tight smile on his face speaks for itself. Steve stands at the entrance, afraid to take a single step forward.
-What's on your cheek? – he still comes closer, finding himself very close. They are separated only by the counter. James runs his fingers over his own cheek and there is blood on them.
“Damn, I still cut myself,” he groans, hiding his hands back under the counter. There are a couple more cuts on them.
“I broke a can in the warehouse, I don’t know where the can came from,” he scratches the back of his head, accidentally touching the elastic band, which immediately flies off, and his hair falls onto his shoulders in an unruly mop. “Wow...” he sighs.
“Don’t pick it up,” Steve reaches his hand through his hair, running his fingers through it, separating it into strands.
“I’ll come early today,” Jame whispers, not knowing why.
“Peter is at Tony’s again,” Steve sighs.
– Maybe I should kill Stark? – a smile spreads on James’s face.
- I haven’t seen you before good couple months. I don’t want to wait until I get out of prison,” Steve whispers now. He looks down at the floor, ashamed of his own weakness. James still smiles. Steve has arrived. I came to him. I came because I missed you.
“I’ll take the day off tomorrow,” he sees the corners of Steve’s lips twitch.
Starker ==========
Tony ends up on the roof earlier than he expected. He steps out of the suit right behind Parker, and he flinches.
- Tony? – his eyes are swollen from tears, and it seems that he is still sobbing.
“Tony...” Stark sighs, sitting down on the edge very close to Peter. Their thighs touch, but Tony chooses not to think about it. Peter moves even closer and his head rests on Tony's shoulder. He's crying his eyes out, and Stark doesn't know what to do in such situations.
“I don’t understand,” Peter trembles. - I do not understand why? Why do you love him? – Tony shudders.
“Your father is a very good man, Peter, many people love him,” Stark, unnoticed even by himself, puts his hand on the guy’s shoulders. “Even a cold heart,” he grins, but this joke doesn’t amuse Peter even a little.
“My father is a complete idiot for missing you,” he sobs again, but this time his voice sounds a little calmer. It seems that the joke still had the desired effect.
“I agree,” Tony grins again. “But, you know, Frozen deserves him no less than I do, at least they played together in the sandbox,” Stark didn’t know at all whether they were playing, but decided that this could at least make Peter smile a little. The corners of his lips actually float upward. Tony leans down, reaching a hand up to his face to wipe the tears from his cheeks. Peter leans forward, imprinting his lips on his palm. Tony feels like the area of the kiss is starting to burn. - Oh, Peter...
“Sorry, I know,” Peter moves a little to the side, but Stark catches his hand.
“To hell, little one, everything is too complicated,” he pulls him towards him, scooping him up like small child and hugs him as tightly as he can within his safety. Peter is sobbing again and Tony wants it to stop.
-Can I stay with you? Please, just for one night. Dad really deserves a break from a bad son like me,” Tony shakes his head.
“If you don’t come, he’ll go crazy,” he sobbed again. “Damn, Peter, it’s not even lunch yet, and you’re already talking about the night,” Tony lets go of his embrace, but Peter still remains lying on his chest, clinging to Tony’s home T-shirt with his red-gloved fingers.
“Let the night come now,” Stark grins.
“If I could do this for you, I would,” he’s not lying. Anything. Anything for this boy. Since his childhood. Oh, how much Steve screamed, how much he asked him not to spoil him, but Tony could not do otherwise, because he was ready to throw the whole world at his feet. He allowed little hands to delve into parts that cost tens of millions, allowed him to break them, play with them and assemble them like a construction set. He gave him the most expensive phone for his birthday, which he immediately received from Rogers. He gave him a car when he was fifteen, but was forced to take it away for the same reason as the phone. Rogers never approved of this. “You know, I’m almost your godfather,” Tony grins.
- Almost? – Peter doesn’t understand this, and he doesn’t really want to understand.
“I remember you when I was five,” Stark shrugs. “And, you know, it’s hard to talk to you about feelings when just eleven years ago...” Stark hesitated. - Damn it, eleven years ago, Peter! Eleven years! – he didn’t even think about it. Peter had been in his life for eleven years, and Stark had not even noticed it.
- It means something? Why can't you talk to me about feelings? – Stark was silent. He himself did not know the answer to this question. Simply because there was some nonsense in my head. Something that Rogers definitely wouldn't appreciate. Something for which he would definitely twist Tony's head.
“Damn, Peter, you got me confused,” he pushed Peter’s head off his own chest and stood up.
- Where are you going? – Peter remained sitting on the edge.
“I’m home, and apparently you are too,” Tony saw tears begin to gather in the corners of his eyes again. Peter started bawling again. “Oh no, doll, you won’t get through me with tears,” he entered into his suit, but at the very last moment Peter grabbed his hand and pulled him towards himself.
“I don’t care,” Tony was not surprised by the boy’s strength. He is, after all, a super-man, Spider-Man, the son of two super-soldiers. Tony wasn't surprised by this, but he was angry that he couldn't resist him. Peter's arms wrapped around his neck and his lips pressed against Stark's. And he couldn't. I couldn't stop when I needed it most.
- Child, what are you doing? – Tony groaned. It seems like he has never felt so bad before.
“I’m not a child,” Peter objected again. Stark just shook his head.
“Of course it’s a child,” Tony felt bad. The bad thing was that he felt arousal in every cell of his body. Because Peter's lips seemed so sweet to him, because kissing them felt so good. Because after this he would never be able to look Steve in the eyes again.
“I love you, Mister Stark,” he sobs again and falls his head on his shoulder. “I love you, Tony,” but Tony is silent. He buries his fingers in his hair and presses him to himself with one hand. This boy is driving him crazy, and Stark is having a hard time thinking straight. He definitely doesn't want any problems. Damn it, he sure as hell doesn't want any problems.
“First, I’ll talk to your father,” he sighs, still taking a couple of steps away.
- No! No Please! He won't allow it anyway! – Peter almost screams.
- Oh, damn it, little one, that's enough! -Stark is angry. He is angry with himself because he is ready to give up on everything. To all moral standards, to all your principles. Ready to go against the law, against fucking Steve Rogers. And this is what scares me the most.
“I can’t,” Peter whispers, looking down. And he even got that from Rogers.
“That’s it, Peter, go home,” Tony returns to his suit, but this time he flies away almost immediately, watching as Peter immediately jumps down. Tony knows where the web is taking him. After a couple of blocks, Peter catches up with him, but Stark pretends not to notice.
Peter is standing outside the door, but Tony doesn't open it. Peter knocks on it, but Tony pretends he's not there. This is stupid, and he thinks about who is the bigger child? He tries to save himself from a mistake, to save Peter, but it seems to him that he is only making things worse. Tears on long eyelashes bring pain. And damn, where are his parents when he needs them? He almost breaks out to call Rogers, but something stops him. The same thing that makes you open the damn door.
Peter began to cry, with bruises under his eyes and a swollen face. Clutching a mask in his hands. Peter is unhappy, the way Stark is not used to seeing him. Peter is a stupid teenager in love, which brings him a lot of problems. Peter is broken and it's Tony Stark's fault. Peter is silent.
“I’m sorry,” is all Tony can say.
“How much longer could I stand behind this damn door?” – the voice trembles, breaks.
“I don’t know,” Tony takes a step back, letting him into the house. Peter comes very close.
– What do you know? – the last step and it turns out to be literally millimeters away.
“Nothing,” Tony finds it difficult to breathe, he’s afraid to move. Peter reaches his hand towards his face, Tony covers his hand with his.
“I know something,” he leans forward, covering Stark’s lips with his again. Tony answers because he can't hold back anymore. Because this boy literally decided to drive him crazy, to finish him off with his touches, kisses and eyes. “I know you love me too, Mister Stark,” he exhales against Tony’s lips. “I know you love me,” he repeats, and Tony has no choice but to give in. He has nothing to object to.
“I love you,” he whispers, cupping his face with his hands. “But this is not normal, Peter, and I will never be with you, no matter how much you want it,” the hands disappear from Peter’s face, and he steps back again.
- Tony! – Peter rushes after him.
“No, little one, there are no Tonys,” he turns around. His eyes are filled with anger. “For you, I am Mr. Stark, damn it, almost your godfather,” he is again angry with himself, but Peter cannot explain this, and Stark is not going to. “And I will never share a bed with you, Peter, you’re a child, think with your own head,” he goes to the kitchen, trying to calm down the approaching anger.
- But why!? – Peter runs after him and grabs his hand.
“God, I’m going to throw you out the door,” Tony throws the boy’s hands off himself and pours himself a glass of whiskey again.
– I don’t care, I won’t leave! Kick out as many as you want! I’ll be sitting under your fucking door, and you, as a godfather, probably know how persistent I am,” and Tony knew. He knew that Peter would not give up until he got his way.
“I’ll call your father,” Peter just grins.
“This is not a trump card,” Stark did not hope that it would have any effect.
“Then I’ll find a more effective way to get you off the hook,” Peter just shrugs and jumps onto the table. He sits directly opposite Stark, crossing his legs, looking at Stark with his huge eyes.
- And which? – he bites his lip, throws his head back a little and Stark’s throat goes dry. Tony pours a second glass of whiskey and within a second it is empty.
“Peter, stop,” putting the glass in the sink, he tries to walk past Peter into the hall, but he catches him with his feet, dragging him towards him. Stark always got drunk quickly, and given that today he has been drinking since the morning, this is not surprising. He almost collapses on top of Peter, resting his hands on either side of Peter's hips. - Your mother! That is, the father! - Tony groans.
- So which way, Mr. Stark? – Peter is smart, he always differed from other children in this feature. Peter is very smart, and this does not suit Stark at all. He had figured out everything a long time ago, and even on the roof he realized that he had a trump card. He, not Stark, but Peter, damn it.
- What are you up to? - Tony gives up. -What are you trying to achieve, Peter? Do you want me to fuck you? – Tony looks into his eyes, and Peter is still lost. His self-confidence disappears along with the word "fucked", but Peter quickly pulls himself together.
“I want to,” a slight grin and Stark hits the table with his fist as hard as he can.
– Are you an idiot or what!? “This is not what Peter expected at all.” - Yes, I’m fit to be your father! he shouts, pulling Peter off the table. He throws him to the floor like a fucking rag doll and hangs on top of him. – Do you want extreme sports? Decided that I'm the best candidate for your games? – Stark’s knee ends up between Peter’s legs, and he finally gets scared. He puts his hands on his shoulders, trying to throw Stark off of him.
The American poet Emily Dickinson has an aphorism: “Love is everything. And that’s all we know about her.” Writers, artists, musicians have tried to solve the riddle of Love for centuries... True, no one has been able to give a definite answer. In the publication National Geographic
the project started "Love Snap", within which all readers who are partial to photography had the opportunity to think about love in all its diversity.
The “Love Snap” project brings together photographs that reveal a theme in one way or another love. Among the best, the organizers noted 27 photographs, each of which is original and filled with a boundless feeling of tenderness and warmth. One of most interesting works by photographer Ankit Narang, the photo, titled “Aerial Love,” captures the future newlyweds on the eve of their wedding. They lie on the ground covered with pink petals.
In some photographs you can see children: just look at the touching couple - a young artist and her kitten friend - or a smiling girl captured against the backdrop of a double rainbow in the Arizona desert.
Particular sincerity radiates from photographs of parents and their children. A grandmother running around the garden with her granddaughter, a mother holding her daughter, and a father in whose arms a newborn baby is sleeping - all these moments are attractive in their uniqueness.
Of course, among the most emotional, black and white photographs of elderly people should be noted. Konstadinos Xenos is the author of the photo in which we can see woman's hand with two wedding rings. The photographer said that his grandmother has been wearing two rings for many years, because one of them belongs to her, and the second remains in memory of a person who is no longer around.
Another photograph about undying love over the years belongs to Margherita Vitagliano. The photographer showed how a woman clutches an old wallet to her chest with a wrinkled hand, which contains two tiny portraits (of her and his lover). In those old pictures they are both 20 years old, young and full of hope. This couple managed to carry their feelings throughout their lives, and now, at the end of their days, there remains a joy in their lives - a wonderful herbarium of memories.
Remember the fairy tale about two frogs who fell into sour cream. One of them chose to fold her paws and sink to the bottom, while the second stubbornly tried to get out and, working with her paws, whipped the sour cream into butter.
If you ask yourself which of the frogs you would prefer to be in this situation, then the majority will answer that the second one, but in real life they would prefer to “fold their paws.”
To the logical question “why?” There is a simple answer: “because it’s easier.” It’s easier not to strain, to continue to serve day after day, without trying to benefit for myself from each specific day. And even if you are talented, smart and you have long wanted to change everything, most would prefer to leave everything as it is, because it’s easier. At the same time, a feeling of self-dislike and own life will increase. Moreover, the degree of dissatisfaction with themselves among those who consider themselves smarter and more talented than the majority is always higher.
Can you guess why?
A gift (extraordinary abilities) without implementation turns into poison, poisoning your consciousness. It works very simply. By recognizing your above-average abilities, you aspire to above-average results in life. Each of us knows what we are capable of, but not everyone does and realizes their potential. Time passes, nothing changes in life, self-dislike and dissatisfaction with life grows.
There is another common excuse for one’s own inaction - sacrifice. We sacrifice ourselves to an unloved job or family for reasons only clear to us. By sacrificing ourselves, we reduce our own value, including in our own eyes. This means we cultivate dislike for ourselves and our own lives.
How to turn the situation around?
There is only one way - to start consciously managing it. Until you manage your own resources (time, abilities), you will be controlled by circumstances and other people.
First you need to understand in what area of your life ( physical condition, self-realization, relationships, finances) lie the biggest problems. Ask yourself frankly where there are discrepancies between your expectations and reality. Better get over this one serious conversation with you than to avoid it. At the same time, you will receive an answer to the question, what does not suit you, what in your life do you not like?
The next step is to work with your “picture of the world” by changing your behavior model.
Example. I’m not happy with being fat and shapeless - we change our diet and lifestyle from sedentary to active. Over time, a new behavior pattern and new abilities will form. IN in this case it's the ability to lead healthy image lives that will shape a new reality - your new physical form. The process is long and labor-intensive, but effective. Of course, it’s easier to lie on the couch, but then you shouldn’t expect your body to take on the shape of those who have chosen a different model of behavior.
If everything is clear with the body, but the problem is that the relationship is not working out, the solution is the same. We change our own behavior model.
Fundamentally different results are needed, which means a new model of behavior is needed.
The process of conscious change meets expectations when accompanied by three main conditions.
First - do, trying every day to benefit for myself from each specific day.
The second is to do it consciously, understanding what result you expect from each specific action.
Third, don’t wait for it to come. best time, start doing it right away, relying on the resources that are available at this particular moment.
And finally, main question: “How to learn to love life in all its manifestations?”
We love and appreciate what we invest our energy, time, and knowledge into. We take care of what we ourselves have created. If time yours life works to achieve your results, and does not consist of spontaneous scenarios that are not directly related to your goals; there is no place for melancholy, boredom, or regrets about missed opportunities.
