Encouraging children is very effective method education, which is an additional incentive for good behavior. This is why it is necessary to use the most different shapes praise.
But parents should be careful when it comes to rewards, as too much of them can have a negative impact on the development of the child’s personality. How to properly encourage a child and what should not be praised for?
Psychologists clarify that praising children often leads to the appearance of such unpleasant character traits as capriciousness, selfishness, and infantilism. Some mothers and fathers do not see the difference between encouragement and material reward, trying to secure children's obedience with the help of money.
Consequently, praise can become both a useful and harmful “tool” of education.
Several things will help you master the art of encouragement: simple rules, having learned which, you can avoid many educational mistakes.
How can you encourage your child?
In fact, there are many forms of toddler approval that work effectively depending on specific situations. What methods of encouragement do psychologists identify?
- The widely used and most common method of encouragement is regular praise, which involves verbal influence. Simply put, for good behavior the child is praised, his actions are approved, supported by his parents.
- Another effective method- caress, which includes kisses, hugs, gentle stroking on the back or head. Sometimes they are more important and much more effective than ordinary words. This form of encouragement is most often used for young children.
- An interesting way of motivating encouragement is Extra time for joint entertainment or games. It is often used to get children to do the required thing. For example: “We will go to playground, as soon as you clean the room.”
- If older children behave well and help adults, they can be encouraged by expanding their rights and removing prohibitions on any actions. For example, schoolchildren are allowed to go to bed half an hour to an hour later for good grades.
- Toys, sweets and other rewards motivate children to do the right things. However, this method should be treated with caution, since many children begin to demand a financial incentive for each of their actions.
The best effect can be achieved using various ways rewards depending on the child’s age and psychological characteristics.
Parental mistakes when encouraging children
We have already said that thoughtless use of praise can harm both the child himself and your relationship with him. Check if you are repeating the following mistakes when communicating with your baby.
- Sometimes children behave well only in the presence of other people, wanting to get a reward or to impress. This often happens due to excessive praise from parents and grandmothers: “You are the smartest boy in the world!”
- Little manipulators grow up in families in which adults try to “bribe” children with various rewards for any good deed. The child shared with little sister machine? Adults buy him new toy etc.
- Some parents praise their child while belittling the merits of other children. For example: “Your drawing is much more beautiful than Masha’s.” It is preferable to compare the child with himself, pointing out that with each achievement he becomes smarter and more economical.
How to reward a child for good behavior?
In order for rewards to be sincere, appropriate and correctly understood by children, they must be used correctly.
- Any praise should be fair and consistent with the child's behavior. So, you shouldn’t praise or give gifts for behavior that is natural at his age: the baby once again put on a blouse, laced his shoes, etc. And on the contrary, be sure to celebrate important achievements and significant actions: the child helped his mother carry her bag, drew a beautiful picture.
- It is preferable to praise not the baby himself, but his good deed. If a child puts away the toys in the nursery, you should not say: “You are smart.” Say better: “After cleaning, your room became so clean. It’s very nice to walk into it.” And when praising, don’t get off with general phrases like: “ Beautiful drawing" Mark those elements of the image that you especially liked: bright flowers, a tree that looks completely alive, cheerful bunnies.
- Often children do not need praise or rewards; what is important for them is to enjoy the creativity itself or a new achievement. In this case, parents can voice the child’s feelings and thereby support the desire for knowledge. “I’m very glad that you learned to ride a bike. You look happy and happy with your success! Now we will ride together in the park."
Of course, every family has its own rules for reward and praise. The main thing is that they help establish good relationships between household members and do not interfere with the upbringing of the baby.
Is it possible to reward a child with money?
The monetary reward method has both supporters and ardent opponents. Followers of this method note that weekly payments for good grades or small sums for washed dishes discipline children. Opponents believe that a child who receives money for household chores is focused only on external results.
Many psychologists also have a negative attitude towards monetary rewards. Experts are confident that children should carry out household chores selflessly. If you want your child to learn how to manage money, wait until he is older. Junior schoolchildren can already be given pocket money for small expenses.
Experienced parents suggest alternative ways rewards for good behavior. If you don't like the idea of a cash reward, find an alternative to money.
For example, multi-colored beads and bright buttons will be an excellent replacement for coins. Develop a payment system with your child, according to which washing dishes will correspond to, for example, two buttons.
In this case, children should be able to “earn” something significant in a week so that they have the motivation to move on. Encouragement can be a joint trip to the cinema, circus, or a visit to a children's entertainment center.
Whether to use the monetary reward method is up to the parents to decide.
Do not forget that when choosing a method of encouragement, you should take into account the personal qualities of your child. And even if you choose the best method, use it very carefully, since excessive use of praise and rewards can easily turn into parenting.
Imagine this picture. You, after a long day at work, come home tired. As usual, you look around. The child is safe, all the furniture is in place, the flowers are in pots, you can breathe out... And then your Barsik comes out to meet you, crookedly cut to look like a lion. And in the back is a satisfied young hairdresser.
What to do? Shout, spank, put in a corner? What if you want to do everything at once? Take your time. Calm down by using the methods we wrote about earlier and read this article.
We remembered the most common types of punishment and added to each item the opinions “for” and “against” of parents from various forums and social network pages.
1. Use force.
Many parents spend hours arguing on thematic forums about whether they can or cannot use physical strength as a method of education. Some are categorically against it and are ready to defend this position with foam at the mouth, others believe that nothing will happen with a few spanks, and still others say that without a belt you won’t be able to educate.
“You can’t beat people, no one, big or small. But if a person is hysterical, then they stop him with a slap in the face, right? Yes, in the overwhelming majority of cases (in my opinion), physical “punishment” of a child is a reflection of the parents’ helplessness and pedagogical “fiasco.” But there are cases when a child can be brought to his senses only with a slap on the bottom? (while remaining calm internally and, oddly enough, based on parental love).”
“It’s one thing to “beat” children and quite another to “slap them on the butt.” When he was a year old, no one punished anyone, but now his son is 2.5 years old and sometimes gets spanked on the butt. Both my sister and I were spanked on the butt when we were children, and once I even snatched the belt (for the cause, I remember). We grew up ordinary, well-mannered and loving people girls. My husband was beaten thoroughly as a child, and he seems to have grown up well-mannered, too, but there is still anger at his parents. Maybe send it (I heard it once:((((
Thus, my conclusion boils down to the fact that a rare spanking on the butt (for the purpose) is sometimes simply irreplaceable. And they have nothing to do with the concept of “beating”, “beating” a child.
I also like the way of calming down - to spank me with a belt once, and then just scare me with it, like, now I’ll take the belt…”
AGAINST:
“I was beaten as a child for all kinds of nonsense. Well what can I say? Let them not be surprised that I rarely call, I come even less often, and what should we talk about?
And in fact, it’s not a matter of beating, but the parents’ unwillingness to understand their child (in my case). Of course, I worry about them and hope that everything is fine with them, but I get zero support from them.”
“I also don’t understand and don’t accept spankings on the butt and other punishments. Our parents never laid a finger on us; everything went on in an educational conversation. I have also never hit my child or put him in a corner. Think for yourself when you say the word IMPOSSIBLE! What does this mean for the child? He doesn’t understand that he can’t, does he? why not? I let my child try everything. So that he understands my words. Want to touch a hot kettle? - let him touch you with your finger, let him understand that he can’t, it means it’s dangerous. Let him take scissors and, under your supervision, cut paper, sew with a needle, and inject himself. So that the word cannot be an empty phrase. Let him get his clothes dirty on the street, jump in a puddle, enjoy himself (you need to have clothes for the street that you can drag around in the mud). This is childhood and you need to learn and try everything. My child spills his cup every day. What should I do? Doesn't this happen to you? you’re not in the mood, you broke the dishes, you don’t want to swim today. After all, no one hits you on the butt. You want the child to be and behave according to your model, which you have drawn up in your head. A child - personality First of all, this must be taken into account.”
5 SITUATIONS WHEN YOU REALLY SHOULD NOT PUNISH A CHILD
2. Scream.
Is it possible or not to shout at a child? Multi-page forums are replete with topics: “I’m yelling at a child: what should I do?!” Here, opinions differ a little less than on the issue of spanking; most parents are against screaming, but then they themselves become ashamed of their lack of restraint. That's why these topics appear on forums.
“This happens sometimes. You tell him once, twice, three, four times - it’s like nothing, there’s zero reaction, then you bark... And immediately everything comes through!!!”
“I also yell sometimes, I can’t help it. Especially when you have to repeat it for the hundredth time - but you took the hat, or you put it down, or you did this. And nothing, or yes, yes, and then everything turns out to be forgotten, yelling... Of course, it’s not good, but it helps so much. The main thing is not to do it often, so that you don’t get used to the yelling.”
AGAINST:
“(Parents) yell out of powerlessness when they can’t or don’t know how to behave.Further, for my daughter this is an example of how one SHOULD behave, and she will become hysterical in response. Children are a mirror image of their parents, they are very attentive and far from stupid.Ideally, one glance should be enough for the parent to understand that his behavior is upsetting him.”
“Will you put yourself in the child’s place? or imagine that you are already an elderly lady, and yours is already adult daughter by virtue of various problems, tired, yelling at his already elderly mother?
How will it be for you?"
DO SCARY TOYS HARM CHILDREN?
3. Intimidate.
We all know sayings in the spirit of “if you don’t obey, I’ll give it to Baba Yaga.” And again: “That’s it! Now I’ll throw away all your toys!” Both promises are unfulfillable; after the first unfulfilled word, the child may stop taking you seriously. But many people think it helps. And they hope that Baba Yaga will really take the naughty child at least for a couple of hours.
“My children are telephone maniacs, so if they try to make trouble, I say that if it happens again, I will take the phone and will not give it back. Children very quickly accept the rules of the game.”
“My daughter has a sweet tooth. As soon as I tell her that I’ll eat all the sweets myself (of course I won’t, we have a lot of them), then immediately - mommy, mommy, I won’t do it again. It works flawlessly."
AGAINST:
“Intimidation by unknown means is a dubious option; it is unknown how it will affect the child. Well, for example, he will meet an old woman on the street and think it’s the same Baba Yaga, stress.
If you scare, although it is better to threaten, with something specific, so that there is no flight of fancy that will not take you anywhere.”
“Most often, fear is caused by incorrect parenting tactics and arises as a result of various types of intimidation. For example: “if you behave badly, the aunt doctor will give you an injection” or “I’ll give it to your uncle to the policeman” or “if you don’t obey, the dog will drag you away”, etc. And so the harmless Ball, influencing with its tail, running up to the baby, becomes a super-strong irritant, and a doctor who comes to a sick child causes him horror.”
4. Deprive something.
Taking away a favorite toy, forbidding sweets or a tablet, not letting them go to the cinema - this is what parents often do in response to a child’s prank. Seems pretty logical. If you do something bad to us, then we feel bad to you, an eye for an eye, a telephone for a service broken by a ball.
BEHIND:
“We punish our child this way: we take away all the cars he plays with. If he is very guilty of something, then he is left without toys for two or three days. We also put it in the corner, thank God I started to understand what it is and why they put it there.”
“It is best to deprive a child of something. For example, if he tears up books or spoils toys, take them away and not give them back for a long time. If an older child begins to study poorly due to being on the Internet too often, remove the tablet or phone. Depriving yourself of sweets, cartoons, and walks is sometimes pointless, because there are children who will say that they don’t really need it. I judge by myself and my child.”
AGAINST:
“You can’t put all children under the same brush. I have two children and I have to apply my own method to each. If the eldest son was always affected by isolation and deprivation of any benefits and pleasures, then youngest child He’s very stubborn and this doesn’t affect him; expressing his disappointment with such behavior and talking about how this is not permissible helps.”
“Taking away what you love is wrong. And if they took away your phone at work because you went out to answer a call, you probably wouldn’t like it. There must be punishment such as the act. If you break it, clean it up, if you yell at it, apologize and you can always come to an agreement, not take it away.”
5. Organize a boycott.
Why shout or fight when you can just be silent? Let the child understand what's going on while the mother silently goes about her business. Quiet mother, quiet child, peace and quiet...
“And my parents punished me by completely ignoring me: it came quickly - I realized how disgusting I had acted, that they didn’t even want to talk to me, they didn’t even want to look in my direction. It’s useless to hit and scream; I generally consider the angle to be obtuse and meaningless. I stop talking to my children too, the effect comes faster - they come up, voice their actions and behave differently. It is necessary for the child to analyze his own behavior and understand where he is wrong.”
“I didn’t punish the children. But she herself became very upset and fell silent. Both my daughter and son were very worried that I was silent and began to ask me why I looked so sad and why I was silent. That’s when I explained to them the reason for my sadness, they themselves asked for forgiveness, we made peace and our differences were extinguished with hugs.”
AGAINST:
“In my opinion, it would be much better to discuss with your child the reason for your dissatisfaction, explain why his action was wrong and why you should not do this in the future. Ignoring your baby and not talking to him is really not a good thing. Firstly, the child may not understand why his mother was offended by him. Secondly, he will get used to “hushing up” problems, and in the future this will not bring anything good.”
“A child is not a telepath to understand why his mother harbored a grudge, especially a baby. This will put pressure on him, but he may not realize or may not want to ask. As a result, half an hour of silence and upset mother and baby, who needs that?
WHEN CAN YOU LET CHILDREN GO WALKING UNATTENDED?
6. Place in a corner.
Another topic under discussion is whether it can be placed in a corner? Some say that it is possible, they were installed, they are promoting their children, and they will promote theirs. There is nothing better means, time-tested. Others say that their children don’t stand in the corners or even there negative energy accumulates. Who is right is up to you to decide.
“The optimal method of punishment, according to our doctor, is the good old Angle. For hooliganism, refusal to obey, unreasonable whims that did not stop after the first (!) warning, you need to take the child by the hand, look him in the eyes, briefly and clearly say why he is being punished, and take him to an empty corner, preferably even in another room , and prohibit them from leaving (if they leave without asking, return them).”
“My 1.5-year-old daughter stood at the computer and demanded to turn on the cartoon. started whining (not crying), freaking out, stomping because... I wasn’t going to turn it on for her and said “no.” She took me to a corner and said that as soon as she stopped being capricious, she could come out. Not even a minute passed before the child forgot about his hysteria. Now he’s starting to give orders, I want her to go to the corner? the baby immediately becomes obedient. True, I don’t often threaten with an angle, so that it doesn’t become like a joke among us.”
AGAINST:
“As far as I remember, I was little and they put me in a corner, but the thing is that I don’t remember what I was thinking about there, but as a rule I didn’t feel guilty, apparently because my mother didn’t spend a lot of time on explanations, she just put it there and All. She also put her eldest son and the little ones in a corner to “think about their behavior,” learning from their parents’ mistakes and taking the time to explain the reason for the punishment. My son usually “thought” there, lying there, sitting, and also incomprehensibly about what:).”
“Not everyone can be put in a corner. My brother stood, but I didn’t, I simply went out and started doing some other things. I could either be asked not to do/do something, or I could have been clearly explained why these were the requirements for me. Usually after this I easily agreed. I never put my daughter in the corners, but if the child got very naughty, I took her to another room, sat down next to her and analyzed in detail what exactly seemed wrong to me in her behavior, then suggested that she sit and think about what the reason was and how avoid mistakes."
7. Make you work.
Another common type of punishment is labor. Most often - housework. “Now you’ll have to wash dishes for three weeks!” And they unloaded themselves, and they punished the child, and the dishes will be clean. The truth may not be very whole, if your naughty child gets tired of it all.
“Hello, I believe that the most important types of punishment are labor and deprivation of some pleasures. Work always helps a child to improve, and whoever ennobles the work of a husband, and will help him realize his actions.”
“Nowadays, children have no work discipline at all; they need to be taught it somehow, at least this way. But the housework will be done and the child will work hard. If my son behaved badly, I would leave him at home on the weekend with the computer, and send him to his grandfather’s dacha to build a well.”
AGAINST:
“Once, foolishly, apparently because I was absent from school, I forced a child to wash all the floors in the house. Well, of course, he washed his son, but since then he has been hostile to any request for help with cleaning. He also has his own responsibilities around the house, but now flooring is just for absenteeism, apparently.”
"In no case!!! This is not a punishment, after all, you are one family and should distribute housework, and not punish it. So, will you only wash dishes on holidays?”
What else can parents advise when punishing a child?
- One crime - one punishment corresponding to the misdemeanor. Do not be cruel to minor offenses and do not let your child get away with serious offenses.
- The child must know the rules of behavior. If you didn’t explain to him in advance what he can and can’t do, then it’s more your fault than his.
- Don't delay. The child quickly forgets what he did. The punishment should follow immediately after, and not in the evening, when you have time.
- Keep calm. If you constantly raise your voice, your child will get used to it and stop perceiving it as a threat. And at the same time he will adopt this type of behavior for himself.
- Agree with your spouse/relatives. If dad scolds and mom forgives, then the child will very quickly begin to manipulate the situation in his favor. You must be in solidarity, at least from the child's point of view.
- Tell your child off alone. You should not punish a child in public, it puts a lot of pressure psychologically.
- Do not punish your child for the same sins you yourself commit. If you carefully trimmed the cat’s fur before, don’t be surprised that the child decided to repeat after you.
- Reward good behavior. Remember that in addition to the stick, there is also a carrot.
Consider the age and character of the child. IN different periods Children are subject to different disciplinary measures. - It is clear that putting a schoolchild in a corner is no longer appropriate for his age. In addition, do not forget about his personality. If your child is usually sad and thoughtful, do not use the “intimidation” method; if he is too active, reading a moral will not help, etc.
Let your children be obedient and have fewer reasons to punish them!
Anastasia Repina
Encouraging children: how and why to encourage
When children behave badly, they attract everyone's attention; when they behave well, no one is surprised. However, children very often wait for approval for their actions and try to earn praise.
At all times, parents have been concerned with questions about optimal upbringing children in the family - how reward and punish so that it contributes to the development of a harmonious personality.
Promotion and punishment is the simplest of means parental influence. They provide parents with the opportunity to express their attitude towards the child’s actions. And each parent has his own established opinion about punishments and rewards for the child.
Most parents, as practice shows, give preference to punishment, and psychologists who deal with behavior problems and advise parents on methods of effective interaction with children focus on a positive approach. They advise parents to switch attention from the child’s misdeeds to his good deeds. A positive approach is expressed primarily in promotions and awards, that is, in favorable consequences.
Encouragement is recognition, approval of actions, agreement with them. This is the exact opposite of punishment. He explains to the children what it is "Fine" how you can and should do it. Promotion is a positive component of a full upbringing. Unfortunately, it is not given due attention, little is said and little is written about it. Everyone knows about it, but everyone imagines and uses it encouragement in your own way. Someone gives him a fundamental role and uses only him in education. Some people think that the main thing is to stop bad behavior, but encouragement only spoils children. How many people, so many opinions.
Importance encouraging children
Children preschool age very susceptible to incentives. Words of approval and praise from adults are for them a stimulus for self-affirmation in positive actions and confidence in their own capabilities. Approval, expressed in a timely and skillful manner, awakens a healthy pride: the slow one tries to be nimble, the careless one who performs the task strives to catch up and do everything better.
In order to encouragement was an assessment of children's behavior and acquired a moral connotation, it was necessary that it contained such specific definitions as "obedient", "Kind", "polite", "hardworking", "attentive", "caring", "honest", "generous" etc. These words seem to emphasize the moral meaning of a particular action. Despite the disagreements, encouragement plays a big role, a significant role in education children. Forms personal qualities, directs to the right behavior. Thanks to encouragement the child feels included in life, noticed, cared for, and needed. This has a positive effect on psychological state, emotions. Besides, encouragement teaches good deeds, shows that people really need them.
With the help of this method of education, the following qualities and traits are developed: character: kindness; responsibility; justice; accuracy; honesty; ability to learn; confidence; self-control and many others.
But there is in promoting your characteristics. It does not always carry a positive line. Thoughtless, incorrect use is fraught with not the best consequences. If regularly encourage without reason, just like that, or, worse, for bad deeds, then the child will begin to show that he is spoiled. This will manifest itself in his capriciousness, unwillingness to listen to his parents, or take into account the opinion of anyone. Bad deeds, actions, words will become more frequent, and the child will sincerely think that he is doing everything right, as it should.
Not everything is as simple as it seems. Therefore, it is important to know how to use such a lightweight and accessible method education.
Methods promotions
Promotion It is used in all areas of activity and has its own results. Works regardless of age on children and adults. For example, to motivate good quality work, fulfillment job responsibilities employees are awarded bonuses and certificates of honor. Already from this we can draw conclusions about the effectiveness of the impact promotions. For children use their own methods.
Praise is the most common, widely used, universal encouragement. Involves a verbal form of influence. The child is praised for his good deeds, they tell him that he did the right thing, his actions are supported and approved by adults. When using this method, you need to choose words and intonation. You need to praise not the child himself (you can do this at any time, but his specific action. For example, words “what a fine fellow you are” better to replace with “thank you, you helped me a lot, I appreciate it”.
Affection is aimed at showing tenderness. This includes hugs, kisses, approving pats on the head and back. They are no less important to the child than the words of the parents and speak volumes. The main thing is that he feels love and warmth. This form of praise is used more often with young children.
Additional time for joint games, activities, entertainment. This is a way to motivate promotions. Often used to get the child to take necessary actions. That is, in order to receive a reward, he is asked to fulfill some condition. For example: “as soon as you tidy up the toys, we’ll go play on the playground”.
Removing prohibitions, expanding rights. If a child behaves in an exemplary manner and helps his parents, he can be encourage, allowing him to do what was previously prohibited to him. Depending on age and independence, for example, go to bed an hour later than usual, make decisions together with adults. This method promotions can be used for general good behavior, independent of each individual positive action.
Has an excellent effect on children encouragement when parents involve their child in joint work. It is known that children want to wash, sew, cook dinner, and make crafts like mom or dad. As encouragement is possible, for example, allowing you to wash handkerchiefs, help mom set the table for guests, or help dad repair a bicycle, check the serviceability of the floor polisher. Participation in the affairs of adults, of course, is for a preschooler great joy. And how much pride does a child feel when he tells kindergarten his peers: “Dad and I fixed it...” “Mom and I received guests!” etc. Of course encouragement– requires adults to take into account the child’s age and interests.
Sweets, toys, and other rewards are very strong motivation. To prevent the child from waiting and demanding a financial incentive for every good deed in the future, this method must be used with caution. It is better not to tie gifts to specific actions of the child. Or use them as a reward for tasks that require a long time to complete, such as graduating with honors from an academic year.
Best result promotions achieved by simultaneous use of several of its methods.
Rules promotions
In order to encouragement performed an educational function, explained what "Fine", taught to act as the situation requires, it is necessary to use it correctly. Here are a few rules to follow.
1. Any encouragement must be fair, consistent with behavior and actions children. It is inappropriate to praise, remove prohibitions, give gifts for all the little things, especially same type: he put on tights, a T-shirt, buttoned up his jacket, etc. And vice versa, you cannot ignore the more significant and teaching something actions: the kid helped his mother clean the house, washed the dishes, the teenager helped an elderly person cross the road.
2. Don't encourage children out of pity. Suppose the baby was hurt or pushed. It would not be right to calm him down with chocolate or candy. He needs support and help. It is better to give him advice on how to act in similar situations.
3. If the goal is to win over the child and please him, then bribery with praise, affection and gifts is inappropriate. The first step is to establish friendships trusting relationship with him through communication.
4. It is necessary to gradually wean the child from constant material rewards for specific actions. IN otherwise he will begin to demand his legitimate, as it seems to him, gifts. Actions should be done simply, unselfishly.
5. Praise children, always say what action you support so that they know what can and should be done.
When encouragement can be harmful?
As mentioned above, thoughtless use promotions may do more harm than good. Children will not see the boundaries of what is permitted, determine where it ends "Can" and it begins "it is forbidden". Perfectionism develops when, striving for the best result, they are unable to accept imperfections and are very worried about failures. It is especially difficult for such children in adult life, which will present difficult tasks and create obstacles. It will not be possible to always be the first, the best. Due to excessive praise children Inflated self-esteem, selfishness, and self-admiration are formed. There will be no respect for parents, adults, or peers.
Promotion- This is an integral part of education. Use it, guide children for good deeds, grafting only positive traits that a person should have.
In conversations with parents, the teacher should explain that promotions are incompatible with indulging any absurd whim of a child. Only in combination with increasing demands do they bring desired result. Promotions then they have pedagogical value when they contribute to the satisfaction of reasonable needs and develop in the child a desire to please adults with his behavior.
Think about it, after all overtime work or work performed to a higher quality, it is customary to reward employees with a bonus, certificate or valuable gift. After all, the manager does not shout at his subordinates or threaten them with dismissal. He uses more effective way– motivates with encouragement. Instead of scolding your child for an unfulfilled duty (you didn’t tidy your room again), it’s better to say: “If you clean up your room now, you and I can sit here and read your favorite book.” This way you will achieve the desired result much faster.
Encouragement or pampering?
How do you know when encouragement turns into pampering? How not to overdo it with encouragement so that the child does not demand it for minor trifles? Simply, when rewarding a child for something, you need to follow a few simple rules.
You should not encourage your child to do what he should do anyway - get dressed on his own, brush his teeth at night. That is, there is no need to praise him for the duties that he must do at home along with the rest of the family. Doing ordinary things should become something natural for the child, and not a daily feat for which he expects a reward. The consequence of such encouragement can be spoilage, disobedience, and disregard for the opinions of parents.
Do not direct praise at the child's personality. His actions or achievements should deserve encouragement.
Some parents practice financial encouragement for their children. As a result, the child will begin to perceive relationships with parents according to the “goods – money” scheme. I give you good behavior - you pay me. As a result, sincere relationships based on love and respect for each other will come down to a purely consumerist attitude of the child towards his parents.
Child and mother.jpg
Encouragement is a very important component of the educational process, helping to show the child the boundary between “good” and “bad”, between “possible” and “impossible”. It should tell the child about your attention and love for him, about the value of his successes and achievements to you. By using encouragement correctly, parents will form determination, responsiveness, honesty, and kindness in their child.
Encouragement will be appropriate if the child achieves results in some activity, for example, he made a craft with his own hands, helped his mother do the cleaning, or completed a quarter of school with excellent marks.
There are very indecisive children who need hints and guidance in any task. Such children should be encouraged for doing something themselves; this will be a good incentive for them and will make them believe in their abilities. Other children should be encouraged and encouraged in the process of doing something so that he has the incentive to complete it. It all depends on the character and temperament of the child.
What kind of encouragement can there be? The most valuable thing for a child is the love of his parents, his importance to them. Therefore, non-material incentives can be much more effective. This is a natural process. After all, initially he does not know what material reward is; we ourselves accustom the child to it.
The most common method of encouragement is praise. This is a verbal expression of approval of a child's action or behavior. A very effective method if used correctly.
You can express your approval with affection and tenderness; the child understands and feels such encouragement very well.
Extra time you can spend with your child going for a walk, playing or reading. This is a very powerful motivational stimulus for a child, because he always misses you.
For older children, as a reward, you can be allowed to do things that were previously prohibited, for example, being allowed to walk for an hour more. It is advisable to use such rewards for the child’s general good behavior, and not for specific merits.
Fulfilling a child’s cherished wish is also one of the ways to encourage him. But it should be used for fairly serious achievements, for example, for excellent completion of the school year.
Child communication.jpg
Praise your child for any achievements, this will create a desire in him to cooperate with you, to give you pleasure with his behavior and good deeds. Notice every little detail in his behavior and do not ignore it. However, everything should be in moderation. Excessive praise will also not benefit the child. It can create inflated self-esteem in a child, which will subsequently serve him badly. “Praised” children may develop an arrogant and disdainful attitude towards others, including their parents.
If you see that a child is working hard on some task, encourage him with a gentle look or touch. He will know that his efforts do not go unnoticed.
If a child has a certain range of responsibilities, you can reward him for their complete and conscientious fulfillment. For example, during the week he honestly completed everything he was supposed to, without shirking, which very often happens with children. You can tell him: well done, you did a great job, so as a gift, you and I will go to the cinema (zoo, skating rink, etc.).
If the child finished well academic year- this is his serious achievement, to which he consciously put effort for a long time - encouragement can and should be more serious. Every child has a cherished dream. Do it. Perhaps this is some thing he dreams of, a trip somewhere. However, remember that such encouragement should always correspond to the financial capabilities of your family.
Some parents have the opinion that there is no need to praise their children at all, otherwise they may grow up arrogant. Therefore, they raise their children in a rather strict environment without affectionate and kind words. Such children often grow up with various complexes, losing themselves in search of how to win the favor of those closest to them.
However, the overwhelming number of mothers and fathers still praise and encourage their children for any achievements or actions. But not everyone understands how to properly praise a child, and in what words. Let's figure out why to praise children, what options exist for encouraging a child.
Why you need to praise your child
Should children be praised? Of course, the praise of parents for children is the strongest indicator of love.
In raising children, the “carrot and stick” method is usually used, which helps the child adapt to the rules of life in society: how to behave and what behavior is unacceptable. Parents help the child figure this out using praise and blame.
Praise and encouragement from parents for a preschooler is in the best possible way show what the child did right
Praise helps the baby understand how correct his behavior and actions are. After all, if, for example, a child throws toys around, and his mother tells him that doing so is not good, he realizes that such behavior is wrong. Then the question arises: “What is the right way?” And here adults come to the rescue, showing that the toys need to be put back in place. When the child begins to do the same thing, you need to praise him, tell him how great he is, how well he helps his mother. Perhaps the baby will not immediately understand this and parents will need to repeat it over and over again. Praise gives the child positive emotions, he begins to believe in himself and his strength.
Praise is also useful because with its help, children develop a desire to create, create, act, achieve goals, and not be afraid of mistakes. Praise and encouragement from parents creates a strong foundation called “I’m doing great.” Thus, when on the path of life he meets evil people, condemns him, speaks rudely or humiliates him, he will not worry much about this, knowing that this is not at all the case.
If the baby is insecure, very shy, then he can become an object of ridicule and children's team. Praise from adults increases self-esteem and the baby becomes more confident. But at this moment it is important not to overdo it with praise, otherwise, indeed, the baby may develop too high an opinion of himself.
Is it possible to praise a child often?
Of course, absolutely any person, be it a child or an adult, needs praise and kind words. This stimulates a person to new achievements and gives positive emotions.
But do not forget that everything is good in moderation. There is no need to go to extremes, endlessly praising the child, or, conversely, not doing it at all. Both the first and second options can harm the baby.
If the child is not praised, then he will begin to understand that no matter what he does, it is all useless and efforts will lead to nothing, no one will appreciate or rejoice. Such children grow up insecure, with low self-esteem, and do not believe in their own successes and achievements.
If you praise your child beyond measure, he will soon begin to need constant approval and will not be able to do anything without kind words, and the desire to develop his strengths and talents may disappear.
If you encourage and praise your child too often, it will eventually become a mere formality, without any meaning. Also, people who were praised in childhood do not accept criticism addressed to them, believing that everyone should be friendly towards them and positively evaluate every action.
How to praise children correctly
Children need to be praised, and it is important to do it correctly. The word “well done” is not enough. Here are some tips from child psychologists on how to properly praise a child:
- Praise your child for certain actions and actions. He must understand what exactly he was praised for, what he did right. This way the child better understands what is possible and what is not. Focus your attention on the little things. For example, the kid made an applique out of paper. Tell him that this flower turned out very beautiful. Try to avoid phrases like “you are a real artist.” Evaluate your child’s actions, not his personality, based on the situation.
- When you praise and encourage your child, add actions such as hugs, kisses, and a smile. In this way, you show your child how sincere you are in your words and how happy you are with his actions.
- Never compare your baby with others. Very often situations occur where parents praised the child, but emphasized that the other one did better or worse. For example, your child drew a cat. You praised him and said what a beautiful cat he turned out to be. And they immediately added: “But Vasya’s is just like the real thing!” In this case, the baby will not accept your praise, and will even think that you, on the contrary, showed that the other child did a better job. Such comparisons can lead to the development of an inferiority complex. Or it should not be said that he built a sand castle better than his friend. Thus, a sense of superiority is fostered. You can only compare the past and present actions of the baby.
- You should not praise or encourage your child for any little thing. Praise is most appropriate when the child has made an effort. Otherwise, encouragement for the baby becomes commonplace, and the true meaning is lost. Thus, the child will wait to be praised by adults for any, even completely insignificant, action.
- Try to praise your child for achievements that were difficult for him, and not for those that he accomplishes with ease. For example, if a baby has learned to carefully make his bed, of course, this deserves your praise and encouragement.
- If parents praise a child for specific actions, they should not tell him after a while that real success is not great and he needs to move on. The child already understands this. Offer to complete more difficult tasks, instilling faith in the child that he will certainly succeed.
- It is advisable to praise on time. If your child is hard at work, praise him. This will serve as an even greater incentive to achieve your goal.
- When encouraging a child, it is necessary to take into account his age. So, for preschoolers, the sincere emotions of their parents for some simple steps: helps his mother sort out her shopping, he himself thought of putting the thing back in its place. With older children, pay attention if the child himself has found a way to complete a task.
- Older children should be praised for quality work done, not for the process itself.
- If you don’t know what to praise your child for, come up with one. Encouragement is very important for a baby, so if the child does not perform any action for which you would like to praise, arrange a situation where the baby can realize himself. Ask him to help you with household chores, bring something or carry it.
What words to praise a child
Children are very pleased to hear good words from adults, from parents. Praise motivates the child for further success. Below is a list of encouraging phrases that you can and should say to your baby at any age:
You're so great
I know that you will succeed
I'm so proud of you
I can safely rely on you
Your help is very important to me
I trust you.
You are the best helper for me.
I'm so happy that I have such a son/daughter
Wow! You exceeded my expectations
You did a great job today
You draw/sculpt very well
Your achievements are the best reward for me
You are my true friend
Maybe you can teach me how to do the same
You are on the right track
You're getting better and better
I love you
How cool you did it
I'm happy to be your mom
Measures to encourage a child in the family
There are many various options encouraging the child. They can be divided into tangible and intangible, and each of them has a positive effect on the baby. It is only necessary to take into account the specific situation and individual characteristics your child.
Material rewards include gifts, purchasing the desired toy, sweets, and the like. Such a reward perfectly motivates the child for further success. But you should be careful with such encouragement, otherwise the child may grow up spoiled and demand financial rewards for every little thing.
However, in modern world, no matter how strange it may seem, non-material encouragement is much more important for children. This is due to the fact that mothers and fathers are forced to work hard in order to provide decent life to your family. It is very difficult for young children to understand the value of earned money and why parents are so little at home.
Another reason for insufficient communication with a child is all kinds of gadgets that surround us everywhere: smartphones, tablets, laptops. Modern people They spend a lot of time in the virtual world, and there is no time left for their children. Therefore, communication with parents, their approval, praise and warm words is the most real reward for the baby.
Methods of non-material encouragement for children:
- Praise is the simplest and most popular way of encouragement. The baby is praised for correct behavior, actions and achievements.
- Weasel is nonverbal gestures: kisses, hugs, stroking. Sometimes such actions are more important than simple words.
- Joint recreation, activity, entertainment. It is not necessary to buy a new toy for some success. You can go to a park, cinema, water park, cafe, etc. together. In addition to the pleasure of such entertainment, the child receives another significant gift - communication with mom or dad.
- For older children, you can add “adult” rights or remove restrictions. For example, you can be allowed to take a longer walk or go to bed later for good behavior and success. This is probably the most effective way to encourage.
Mistakes parents make in encouraging
- Never compare children , especially in the same family (brothers, sister). If the older child drew well, there is no need to tell the younger one about it. Perhaps he has other talents.
- There is no need to use criticism and praise at the same time. Sometimes an adult can praise a child and then say that something could have been done better. The baby will remember criticism for a long time, but will completely forget about praise.
- Don't expect your child to be perfect. Otherwise, you can be very disappointed later.
- You should not deceive your baby in praise or exaggerate his success. Your words must be real, from the bottom of your heart.
- Don't overdo it with praise there must be moderation in everything. Otherwise, the child will stop trying to do something well, knowing that he will still be praised
- There is no need to remind your child about past failures
Conclusion
Some parents who do not praise their children, justifying themselves, may argue that the child should be prepared for the difficult adult life from childhood, that he will not be constantly praised, let him immediately get used to the difficulties.
