Does your husband constantly remember his ex and regularly tell you about it? The situation repeats itself over and over again, and you don’t know what to do? Let's figure out how a woman should behave in this case, how to react to such behavior, and why this actually happens.
Most often, this is a very traumatic situation for a woman, and it can cause serious inconvenience and internal heartache, so it’s better that something changes and it doesn’t happen anymore.
What is your attitude towards your husband remembering his ex?
But before you dig deep and think about the reasons, I wonder how you yourself feel about this? What feelings do you experience when your husband does this and gives you information about his ex-woman that you really “need”?
Something tells me that you are not experiencing pleasant emotions. Even if your husband does not compare you with your ex, it is still very unpleasant. Why do this, you ask? And if at the same time he also allows you to compare you - and even in a derogatory tone, insulting and humiliating - then the lights are completely turned off.
Obviously, you have to be a completely insensitive or stupid person to do this unconsciously. It is clear that such mentions will greatly offend and traumatize you. And if a man understands that this hurts you, then why does he do it? To hurt you and humiliate you, apparently the answer is this.
Let’s imagine a theoretical situation: your husband remembers your ex, and you tell him that this is very unpleasant for you, and you don’t want it to happen again. Have you tried doing this? Talk openly about your feelings?
Openness on the part of the woman is often the key to resolving the situation. Try it, maybe the man will hear you and stop doing this. If it doesn’t stop, don’t tolerate it.
Emotional protection of a woman
On good terms, a man must understand that his responsibilities include the emotional protection of his wife from all serious stress, problems and difficulties. This includes the fact that the man does not dump any of his problems on you, does not talk about them, and does not tell you what is unpleasant and painful for you to listen to.
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And of course, stories about your ex, if they are constantly repeated, are a violation of the rule of a woman’s emotional protection.
After all, your emotional stability and the fact that you are happy and calm are the key to successful and happy family. Wise man understands this and tries with all his might to keep his woman calm. First of all, emotionally, protecting her from stress.
But sometimes a man lacks wisdom, and here the wisdom of a woman plays a role. If a woman has wisdom, then when she mentions her ex, the woman will certainly show the man that she is not at all happy to listen to such stories. And, thus, without remaining silent, he will most likely be able to correct such behavior.
Mirror your behavior
Think about this: do you yourself compare your husband with anyone? Maybe also with your former boyfriends? Or just with other men? Let’s say with your boss at work, or your friend’s husband?
If you do this, then we can say that in many ways you yourself provoke such behavior in a man. For any man, comparison with another, when he looks worse in this comparison, is very sensitive to self-esteem.
And if you think that you are thereby motivating him to become better and strive for more, then you are very mistaken.
With such comparisons and mentioning other men, you only anger your husband, cause irritation, and the feeling that your own wife does not trust him, does not believe in his strength, and believes that other men are better than him. It is very painful and unpleasant.
If you regularly practice this behavior, perhaps the man, in retaliation, also seeks to hurt you, just as you hurt him. Yes, it’s not at all manly to take revenge for such grievances, but it’s still worth taking into account.
If you notice that you remember your exes in front of your husband, or even without him, and talk about it, or compare your husband with others - stop this matter! This won't end well.
More serious problems
Think about this: if your husband constantly brings up his ex, maybe this is just a symptom and not the root cause? May be real reason Is his regular reminder of his ex-woman a serious problem in your relationship?
Think about whether everything is fine with you, and whether you are experiencing other difficulties? Are your relationships cloudless and happy, or are you constantly fighting for them, and there is no end to your daily torment?
Remember the main thing - your behavior means a lot to a man, but if there is no harmony at the level of signs, then the relationship will be very tense. It is very advisable to find out the exact compatibility of your zodiac sign with the sign of a man. This can be done by clicking on the button below:
If everything is good in your relationship, and you are happy with almost everything, and you think that you have a wonderful family, then all you need to do is let the man know that it is unpleasant for you when he regularly remembers his ex-woman, and do not allow him to do this under any circumstances (as described above).
If you have the courage and desire to do this, then the problem will go away by itself. Your husband will understand you, take your wishes into account, and improve. Don't be silent, talk openly about what you don't like.
If in your relationship there are more serious, global problems, then there is already a reason to think, and think seriously. Perhaps you did something wrong, and family harmony (if it ever existed) was gradually destroyed, day after day. And you are in a not very good position, and you need to think about how to fix it. Otherwise, it will get even worse, and the relationship may completely fall apart.
Again, a man, remembering his ex, can subconsciously run away from the problems that you have, idealizing the image of a past woman. Although for sure, since they are not together, and he is with you, everything was not there either, thank God.
But if everything in your relationship is very healthy and wonderful, then what is the point of him reopening old wounds, remembering someone, and even more so telling you about it? Only if a man does not see complete satisfaction in the current situation, then he can resort to methods that will obviously offend you.
Don't sit still, don't be patient - try to correct the situation.
Bottom line
Each of us builds our own relationships. And in a relationship, responsibility always lies with everyone. You need to have the strength and ability to take full responsibility for your 50% of the relationship.
Think What is the first thing you should change about yourself? so that your husband stops doing things you don’t like? Maybe you should be more open and not hide your emotions? Maybe not compare a man with others and do other unpleasant things to him?
In any case, most likely the fact that the husband remembers his ex is just a symptom. Try to see the real problem and fix it. In this case, your relationship will have a chance for positive development and strengthening of your family.
If you want to be with the man you love, you need to figure out whether you are compatible according to your zodiac sign?
Find out your exact compatibility with a man by clicking on the button below.
My boyfriend and I have been dating for 2 months. He is very caring, enterprising, it’s clear that he likes me and values me. He gives me nice gifts, introduced me to his friends and brought me home, calls me every day, asks how my day went, etc. But sometimes, in a heart-to-heart conversation, he talks about his past passions. He doesn’t say that he regrets the girls, he just somehow mentions in a conversation that there was such and such a situation, and I really don’t like it - hearing about his previous girls. When I was offended by him and said that it was unpleasant for me, he apologized and promised that he would not utter a word on this topic again. He said that I was dear to him. But I think, does he really take me so seriously if he was talking about the girls he had? (although he emphasized that this is all in the past).
Answer from theSolution psychologist:
You write that the guy mentions ex-girlfriends in a heart-to-heart conversation.
Let's assume that your man is not a narcissist, not a socially adapted psychopath, but quite ordinary good man, with a mosaic personality type and a healthy value system.
The first question that is important to ask yourself when a man discusses his past with you is in what context, why and why he is telling you this. Does this indicate his sincere openness towards you, or does he just want to let you know what a sought-after guy he is?
Openness and trust are important signs that a man is serious about you.
If he talks about ex-girlfriends sincerely good, there is a possibility that he is doing this because he trusts you. His openness and trust will also be evidenced by the fact that he can mention his weaknesses or fears. If a man talks to you about secret things, this can be a good signal, a sign that the relationship is developing.
A self-centered man with a low level of emotional intelligence may simply not think about your feelings
The second question that is important to ask yourself is whether your man understands that talking about ex-girlfriends always causes unpleasant emotions in the chosen one. If he does not understand such things, then it is time to think about whether he is self-centered (thinking only about himself and his feelings) and then evaluate whether he has developed emotional intelligence (that is, whether he knows how to foresee what emotional impact his words will have on him). You).
Derogatory comments about ex-girlfriends can reveal a man's narcissistic character.
The third question that is important to ask yourself: did he hear your request not to talk about this topic? If, after an apology and your mention that this is unpleasant for you, he continues to talk about his previous relationships, it will be important to analyze whether he is trying to unconsciously humiliate you (this is what men with a narcissistic character do even at early stages relationships).
The fourth question that is important to ask yourself is what emotions a man experiences towards his former passions. It’s bad if he plays a role in front of you, pretends that everything is fine, when he hates them internally (this is a sign of a misogynist). And it’s bad if, after breaking up, he treats his ex-girlfriends badly, not only internally but also externally, which is manifested in his speech, facial expressions and intonations. For example, when he accuses them or arrogantly and disparagingly comments on their character traits - this should make you very angry. to be wary, because this characterizes him as a person.
It is important to understand why other girls did not want to be with him
You are now in the stage of assessing each other, character traits, and financial and living status. Through one and a half to two years you will begin to notice in him those character qualities that caused his previous relationships to not work out. If you carefully analyze the words and motives of your young man, You will understand why his previous girlfriends did not want to be with him. The fact is that without psychotherapy and work on oneself, the situation will repeat itself; he will continue to apply the same models of communication and behavior in his relationship with you. So, if you notice his habit of blaming previous women for something and not taking responsibility, this may turn out to be early sign what a man will offer you after a period of falling in love tyrannical form of relationship.
A man may misunderstand his feelings and mislead you.
Your concern about the seriousness of the man's intentions is quite reasonable. Two months is too short a time to judge the feelings of your chosen one, even if he is an honest and decent young man. Up to a year and a half of relationship, he can be driven by banal love. The feeling of falling in love tends to pass after one and a half to two years, so before this period you should not even take the situation of courtship seriously. During this period of a relationship, as a rule, a man can present himself in the best light and not show the unsightly features of his character. The delight of meeting with beautiful girl at this stage of the relationship it may be confused with infatuation or love. Moreover, without understanding himself, or being an immature person (for example, a codependent person), he can very sincerely believe that he has the most serious intentions and genuine deep feelings, although in reality everything may turn out differently.
You can watch for signs that a man is serious. Very important sign the seriousness of the relationship - how strongly the man insists on intimacy . Someone who is practically indifferent to you wants to quickly persuade you to have sex. A man who takes you seriously, despite the fact that he likes you and arouses him sexually, will be willing to wait for your natural readiness for sex, will not insist or rush you.
Have you started dating a guy who recently broke up with his girlfriend? Take a close look at his behavior, because it is possible that he still has feelings for his former chosen one.
Your boyfriend is talking to his ex-girlfriend... Is it that scary? When people break up, they are still connected by emotional intimacy for some time. There is nothing strange in this, because when we are in a relationship, we get used to the person, we let him into our heart and soul. However, in order to live life to the fullest and enjoy a new romance, you need to cut off past ties. Unfortunately, not all people know how to say goodbye to illusions in time. Sometimes we start new romances just to free ourselves from old feelings, thereby causing pain to your chosen one. Moreover, this behavior is characteristic of both women and men. If you are dating a guy and you know that he recently went through a breakup, do not let your guard down, especially if the breakup was initiated by his ex-girlfriend. Surely you wouldn’t want to feel like a “pill” from love depression and know that your partner's feelings are directed towards another person.
Here are the top 5 signs by which you can understand that he still loves his ex.
1. He remembers her often
If your partner often mentions his ex-girlfriend in conversations, this should alert you. Firstly, this trend indicates that a man constantly thinks about his past love. And, secondly, your chosen one simply does not value you, since he allows the topic of his past relationships in conversations with you. If the situation is experienced and the person is released, the man will not focus his attention on this. But you should also be equally wary of a man's pathological reluctance to talk about his ex. For example, if he becomes furious when someone from mutual acquaintances mentions his past passion or pretends that it never existed in his life, most likely he has not yet sorted out his feelings and is emotionally dependent on the past.
2. He keeps her things and gifts.
Breaking up while remaining friends is rather an exception to the rule. When people come to the conclusion that they are not on the same path, it means that in some way they could not live up to each other’s expectations. As practice shows, even the wisest and most philosophical partners experience at least a slight bitterness of resentment for the first time after a breakup. It is quite logical that, having decided to start life with a “clean” slate, we involuntarily strive to forget about the past connection, clearing the space of things that may remind of it. If a man carefully keeps gifts, things or photographs of his ex-girlfriend, this means only one thing - he still has tender feelings for her.
3. He is jealous of her
If the news that your ex-girlfriend has started dating a new guy has provoked a whole range of feelings in your boyfriend, know that he has not put an end to his past relationship. Excessive interest in the personal life of his ex-darling indicates that he is jealous of her, and, therefore, subconsciously hopes to return her old love. It is possible that he perceives the relationship with you as a temporary option, or is counting on using you to arouse reciprocal jealousy in her.
4. He's secretly dating her
It's not about romantic meetings, because here his intentions would have been extremely clear. This paragraph means that a man can meet his ex-girlfriend in a circle of mutual friends, at work or on business matters. If these meetings are open and relaxed, there is no cause for concern. But if a man, knowing that he will see his ex today, carefully hides this from you or abruptly changes your general plans, just so that you don’t accidentally cross paths, he is not being frank with you. Often, this behavior indicates that a man is deliberately leading a double life, perceiving a new relationship as a backup option. Maybe he's secretly working on making peace with his ex-girlfriend and doing everything he can to keep her from finding out about you.
5. He is actively involved in her life.
Maybe your boyfriend’s ex-girlfriend takes the initiative herself, constantly calls him, insists on meeting or asks for help. Perhaps she is the one who believes that their connection can be renewed, and still has feelings for him. However, if a man is truly indifferent to his ex-partner, these signs of attention will irritate him and he will try to completely stop communicating with her. If a man fulfills her requests at the first call and willingly maintains communication, deep down in his soul he feels sympathy for this person.
If you notice one or more of the above signs in the behavior of your loved one, do not rush to create a scandal and break off relations with him. First of all, provoke straight Talk and ask him if he is ready for new feelings. If your boyfriend really loves his ex-girlfriend, you will feel it. However, it is possible that your suspicions are unfounded and the man just needs time to plunge into the cycle of new feelings.
My friend is spending the night for the third day, she quarreled with her husband over his ex-wife. He loves Masha, but does not lose touch with his “old” wife. Moreover, the “new” one persistently asks to put an end to past relationships. The husband does not want to hear this, he said in his heart that Masha is painfully jealous (it’s time to get treatment!) and that he himself will decide with whom he should communicate and with whom he should not.
Maria is terribly angry that her ex often calls her husband, asks about her life, asks for advice and sends text messages on holidays. My husband remembers her birthday and every year he also congratulates her former mother-in-law and father-in-law.
The last straw of Maria's patience was phone conversation about their (with Masha) recent vacation. The husband shared his memories, laughed heartily, and told what exactly they bought during shopping. “Hasn’t it come to describing our nights with him,” Masha was angry.
Personally, Igor’s behavior is also incomprehensible to me. Why be friends with your ex if your wife feels discomfort from it? (There were no joint children in that marriage!)
People react differently to lovers communicating with ex-partners. But most often it is negative. Because the:
- it’s unpleasant to imagine them together, and where can one escape from fantasies;
- it’s impossible to bet that something won’t leaven with old yeast again (how many cases does history know when, in the heat of a quarrel, husbands sought consolation from lonely ex-wives);
— it’s difficult to live with three people, even if the third one is virtual.
According to Masha, after communicating with her ex, her husband becomes different. He begins to find fault with her, express dissatisfaction with her habits, etc. This is not surprising, because any communication is an exchange of energies. If it arrived somewhere (the husband and his ex merge in virtual ecstasy from communicating with each other), then it will definitely leave somewhere (from the current union of Igor with Masha).
Divorce continued...
Remember: if your man brings up his ex too often, even criticizing her, this is not a good sign. Perhaps their love story isn't over yet (at least on his part). And your anxiety is understandable.
If he talks about her calmly, unemotionally, this indicates that even though his feelings were serious, but today the most important thing for him is love for you. And then jealousy is unjustified. You can’t change the past... In the end, it means that your loved one is a normal person who is capable of remembering good things, and you most likely have a past yourself!
Or maybe you're afraid that he will flare up feelings for his ex again? Where does such self-doubt come from? If she was a sex goddess or a cooking queen and that was very important to him, he would still be with her, not with you.
You should never fantasize (or ask your partner) what he had with his ex in bed. The main thing is what happens in yours! In general, focus on your strengths. Interestingly, men are usually less tormented by jealousy towards their girlfriends' exes. Because what is important to them is that he “got” his woman, stole her from other males, and it turns out that he is a priori cooler! And no other evidence is needed. So women should consider themselves Diana hunters.
You live with a man who loves you, sleeps with you, eats from your hands, then everything is fine! Out of thousands, he chose you. Once you need to speak out and explain how unpleasant you are about his communication with his ex. If he is not a fool, he will understand and stop.
Of course, there are exceptions to all rules. Lots of people after a breakup love relationship remain friends. Actors Olga Volkova and Nikolai Volkov, having separated and created new families, bought a joint country house and ran a joint household with four of them, admitting that they all became friends.
Get lost!
Such good relations usually remain between those who separated due to mutual consent. It's harder to keep them if you've just been abandoned.
Then your soul is heavy, your hand reaches out to the computer to click on your ex’s page on a social network and see who he “became friends with” and in whose photographs he is tagged. My friend Alina, who was madly in love with Boris, who abandoned her, monitored his contacts on social networks every day. As a result, I found a photograph: in the foreground there is a black-eyed beauty and Boris passionately hugging her with a camera in his hands. Having cried, Alina wrote a comment: “Borya loves to act like this. I have a photograph – one to one.” Immediately a crowd of people (familiar with Boris’s new lover) came to her page. And finally, a letter from himself: “Stop sending any comments, in general - get lost!” And he blacklisted her.
It was this rather rude act that brought her to her senses. Now she lost access to his contacts, did not see photographs, calmed down and six months later fell in love again.
To ex-boyfriend(husband) has really become an ex, take a break for at least a year. Do not call him (his mother, sister, friends), do not write, do not collect information about him, do not ask him to convey something, tell mutual friends not to tell you any news from the life of your ex-loved one.
Don't be shy - remove him from your friends list. in social networks. Without experiencing the breakup to the fullest, “friendship” will not work. Either one of you, or both of you, will slide into jealousy and showdowns.
If your ex doesn’t leave your mind like an obsession, take up auto-training. Imagine that between you there is a slightly open iron door with a bunch of locks (all of them on your side). Here you are (an incredibly seductive image) saying to your “ex”:
- Thank you for everything and goodbye! (option: “You are a rare goat! I don’t want to see you ever again!”) - and close the door, lock all the locks, leave without looking back, and mentally throw the key off the bridge into the seething stream. Imagine this in bright colors - and the past will fade. And the present and future will seem much more attractive to you.
Irina Khakamada talked about her recipe for recovery from unhappy love: “For example, I sit in a chair, close my eyes and imagine the negative qualities of my loved one. And after a few months of auto-training, I understand that he is a freak.”
Situations often arise when, creating new family, one or both partners bring into it their unfinished relationship with ex-husbands, wives, friends and girlfriends. No matter how hard we try to appear modern, free from prejudice, such a connection always causes harm. In crisis situations, you do not rush to find a way out and mutual language, but you have an outlet in the person of ex-lovers. It's up to you to decide what to do with them, but it's best to just leave them in the past.
Star's opinion
— We have excellent relations with the mothers of my sons. We have nothing to share, I financially support both Tema and Nikita, so, probably, the exes have no grudges against me. Yes, maybe this will seem strange to some, but we go to visit each other, celebrate children’s birthdays together.
— He still talks on the phone with Vika Tokareva (the director and writer once had whirlwind romance). As soon as I enter the room, he apologizes, covers the phone with his palm and says: “You know, she called herself.” I laugh: “I don’t care anymore. Communicate for health! If only you feel good." Vika is talented and smart. Why don't they continue to communicate?
Psychologist Alla Zanimonets gives in her blog practical advice not only for men and women looking for their soulmates, but also for those who want to live in harmony with themselves and others.
1. Communication with your ex. If your man is constantly communicating with his ex, be it texting, talking on the phone, or video chatting, then he has not yet come to terms with the end of their relationship. Of course, it can happen that exes become friends, but a close connection with your past crush will hinder the growth of your connection with him. If he doesn't want to stop communicating with his ex, he's still in love.
2. Social media tracking. If your man follows his ex through social networks, it means that it is important to him who she is with, what she is doing and what events are happening in her life. And since all this is so important to him, it means that she is important too.
3. Meetings with your ex. If your man still sees his ex in person - goes to lunch, bars and cafes with her, it's time to admit the fact that he has not yet moved on from his previous relationship. Remember that a man must have enough respect for you and your relationship so that his ex stops playing an important role in his life - this role should go to you. And if your man doesn’t understand this, find someone else.
4. Name confusion. If your man called you by his ex's name more than once (even via SMS, to your face or during sex), then he is mentally with her. You say, what's so great about a name? A lot actually. Your name, not hers, should be in his head, and if you have to remind him what your name is, then he needs her, not you.
5. Refusal to talk about your ex. This may seem counterintuitive, but if your man refuses to discuss his ex, it could also mean that he hasn't moved on from his previous relationship. His feelings may still be hurt, it hurts him to talk about her, he's still trying to heal from his ex and deal with his emotions - which means he's not ready to start a relationship with you.
6. Comparing you to your ex. Does he say that your ex cooked the same dish as you? Did you wear the same dress? Did you like the same song? When your man dares to compare you, you have to adjust to a certain standard most of the time. And in most cases, you won't be able to reach it. Not because you are bad, but because your ex is the best for him. Life is too short to waste it on a person who doesn't love you.
7. Insulting your ex. If your man continues to express angry, insulting words about his ex, it means that he has not yet dealt with these emotions. Even if what he says about his ex is true, he must overcome the negative emotions and stop putting down the woman he once loved. The more bad things he says about her, the more reasons you have to wonder who he is trying to convince: you or himself?
8. Memorabilia. Does he still have her photo in his closet? Cherished her gift? In general, if your man cherishes the memory of his ex, it's time for you to remind yourself that you deserve better.
9. Talking about your ex's new men. If a man constantly talks about how and with whom his ex is dating now, he himself would probably like to be in the place of these men. Why does he pay attention to her love affairs? Why does he even care? The more obsessed he is with her love life, the more concerned you should be.
10. Mentions of your ex. If a man frequently mentions his ex in conversation, it's time for both of you to talk about your future together. His former flame should not become the topic of your conversations. And if you keep hearing her name, it's time for you to become his next ex.
11. Communication with your ex's family. Is he still in contact with his ex's relatives? Unless he knew these people before his relationship with her, there is no reason to continue communicating with them after the breakup. Her family may want them to get back together and are even taking some steps in this direction. You obviously don't need this.
