Experience of living with a Chechen husband: “I am for blood feud”
Galina from Moscow described her marriage with Alikhan from Grozny
Elena Svetlova, August 21, 2018
Galina does not feel like a slave Izaura.
As a rule, Russian-Chechen marriages are concluded between men with North Caucasus and Russian women. The opposite practically never happens. Chechen women extremely rarely marry Russians and generally non-Russians - a Muslim family will never allow this.
At forums dedicated to such interethnic and interfaith family relations, traditionally there is a lot of negativity. Love boats crash, crashing due to different mentalities.
Fortunately, happy couples a lot too. Chechen Alikhan Dzhamulaev and his Russian wife Galina Gainanova have been together for almost fifteen years.
...Once upon a time, many years ago, at the very end of the eighties, we lived next door and were casually acquainted. The whole house knew Galina: she confidently drove around in a burgundy “Seven”. At that time, not everyone had a personal car, and young women driving generally attracted everyone’s attention. Galina was 25 years old. She worked as the director of a large grocery store and managed a large team. She always had a commanding voice.
This spring we accidentally ran into each other on the street. We met like old acquaintances. “I’m going on vacation!” - Galina shared. - "Far?" - “To Grozny!” - “To Grozny?!” - It seemed to me that I had misheard. - “My husband is Chechen! - she explained. And then she unexpectedly added: “Chechens and Ingush should marry their women!”
They are very different. He is calm, reasonable, dreamy, with a quiet voice. She is living fire, ball lightning. Noisy, fast, soul wide open. He flares up at every occasion and immediately moves away, saying what he thinks. Nekrasov wrote about people like Galina: “There are women in Russian villages...” I couldn’t imagine her in the role of a submissive wife of a Muslim.
They met in mature age when people usually do not commit rash acts and do not make hasty decisions.
He is three years older. This is not the first marriage for both of them, and not even the second. He has three children, she has two. In general, five for two. Galina's Russian granddaughter dotes on her Chechen grandfather.
The first time I was in Grozny was in 1988, at a friends’ wedding,” recalls Galina. - A lot of things amazed me then. In a Chechen house, when guests arrive, women are always separated from men. Even the newlyweds did not sit together; this is not customary there. The young wife stood modestly in the corner of the room and behaved very quietly, without raising her eyes and not talking to anyone. She was not allowed to sit down - it would look like disrespect for elders. And, of course, I couldn’t think that I would ever marry a Chechen. But after 16 years, life finally brought me together with Alikhan.
A few months before their meeting, Galina became a widow - the husband with whom they lived for twenty happy years died tragically. Home is work, everything else remains outside the brackets.
They met Alikhan in 2004, during the second Chechen war. He lived and worked in Moscow for a long time. He did not feel any hostility towards himself: he was never mistaken for a “person of Caucasian nationality.”
Chechens are the most fair people,” says Alikhan. - But just like that, the Chechens are always to blame here. We are independent, and that’s why they don’t like us. But who would have thought that there would be a war between our peoples?
He recalls how he received a call in 1996 old friend Alexander Pantukhov, former first deputy head of the Central Internal Affairs Directorate for the Smolensk region. During the first Chechen campaign, he headed the criminal police of the temporary directorate of the Ministry of Internal Affairs of the Russian Federation for the Chechen Republic.
I was in Moscow, and he was in Grozny. He called: “Alikhan, are you going home? When you arrive, let me know - we’re talking.” I went to Grozny to pick up my family. The son was already in our village, and the daughters and his wife lived in the city. We had an apartment in Chernorechye. Early in the morning, before dawn, there is a knock on the door. I open it: the militants are standing: “Leave, the war is starting!” We jumped out of the house and went to the other end of the village. On the way I met a friend, he called me into the basement. And that's how it began! They bombed us so hard that we couldn’t leave the basement for 18 days. It’s good that people had food supplies, otherwise they would have died of hunger. When the opportunity arose, I took my family to the village, and returned to the city and met with Pantukhov. He asked: “Will you help pull out Russian prisoners?”
Alikhan was given a pass for unhindered passage through all checkpoints.
“I went to the mountains and saved people,” he says simply. - Many people owe me their lives. I never paid money, because I consider it humiliating to give a ransom for a person. It was not always possible to reach an agreement. They told me: “What are you doing? You're a Chechen! These are soldiers, they came to kill us!” I explained: “Yes, these are soldiers, but they fight on orders. They have no other choice." He took the prisoners, brought them to Sasha and handed them over according to the certificate that the soldiers were healthy and not beaten.
Were the Chechens also rescued from captivity?
Saved. It often happened that young guys who were just standing outside the house were grabbed by Russian soldiers and taken away only because they did not have documents with them. The mothers of these prisoners came to me and begged me to help for the sake of Allah...
Galina and Alikhan. It’s not customary to show off feelings: you can’t hug or kiss each other in public...
■ ■ ■
Alikhan was brought to Galina by a mutual friend. Came to visit for some tea and stayed forever. It was love. The one that happens at first sight and that sweeps away all barriers. For the sake of Galina, Alikhan left his family.
There was and is a family,” Alikhan disagrees with me. - I didn’t leave my family. Fully provided, visited. My family has been with me all my life. As long as I'm alive, it will be so.
How did you tell your wife that you would no longer live with her?
She was aware, I didn’t hide anything from the first day.
Did your Chechen wife really meekly accept her husband leaving for another woman?
Yes, everything was civilized and calm. I didn't abandon them.
While we are talking, Galina is constantly wiping off non-existent dust with a rag. But, hearing her husband’s words, she instantly explodes: “Calm down?!” His wife called and cursed me! But now we're like girlfriends. I really wanted her youngest daughter Amina to stay with us, but they returned home to Chechnya.”
...Many of Galina’s friends and acquaintances were wary of her choice. If they were invited to visit, then alone, without Alikhan. Those who knew her ex-husband, turned away completely.
We didn't have a wedding as such. His relatives did not immediately accept me. And my family was against it. My daughter met Alikhan with hostility and even stopped communicating with me. My son didn’t support me either,” Galina recalls the difficult beginning of her family life. “And my mother almost fainted when I said that I was marrying a Chechen. The fact is that my mother is a deeply religious person, she goes to church and observes fasts. My mother repeated to me: “Daughter, God forbid, he invites you to convert to Islam!”
My opinion is this: for the right person, religious and national affiliation does not matter,” Alikhan notes philosophically. “Everyone is like a brother or sister to him.” I have many friends of different nationalities; they know me, first of all, not as a Chechen, but as a person.
“He never demanded that I become a Muslim,” confirms Galina.
But you probably have to follow customs?
At first, Alikhan made comments to me: “Change your clothes!” Switched to long skirts, I completely forgot about trousers, because it’s out of the question. Bare arms are also not allowed, the blouse should only have sleeves,” shares Galina. - There are no open, tight-fitting outfits in my wardrobe. When I visited his village, I did not take off my scarf from my head. Every woman there has a whole collection of scarves.
What else have you adjusted to?
They have a different way of receiving guests. If people come to the house, I have to set the table. At first only men eat. And only then can women sit down at the table. Even in Moscow I follow this order: I serve food and go out. Such traditions. But I can’t say that I feel like “slave Izaura.” Chechens treat a woman with respect because she is, first of all, someone's mother, sister, wife, daughter or fiancée. Women are greeted only standing, the man greets first.
Who in your family usually cooks?
We have no such division. Sometimes me, sometimes my husband. By the way, Alikhan is an excellent cook. There is usually fish or beef on the table. Pork and alcohol are completely excluded.
It seems to me that Chechens show their feelings very restrainedly. Alikhan is ready to talk about various topics, but not about family relationships...
Yes, this topic is taboo. Chechens never show their feelings. Which one - kiss? You can't even touch it in public. You are not supposed to walk arm in arm with your husband. Alikhan never told me that he loved me. This is not accepted among them. I know one thing: if he felt bad, he wouldn’t live with me.
Can you forbid him something?
I can’t stop him from doing anything; he’ll do it his own way anyway. I can only advise.
Alikhan, haven’t you been offered to marry a Chechen?
They asked: “Why don’t you get married?” He answered: “I’m married.” I had to come visit and show myself. So she arrived, and they didn’t ask me such questions anymore.
In her husband’s homeland, in the village of Khambi-Irzi, in the Achkhoy-Martan region of the Chechen Republic, the Russian daughter-in-law was greeted very kindly. Galina brought gifts: a vacuum cleaner for someone, a set for someone. The main thing is not to forget anyone.
Everyone rejoiced: “Oh! Our Moscow daughter-in-law! I arrived during Ramadan - the month of fasting. Tables began to be set an hour before sunset. You could eat until three o'clock in the morning, and then abstain from food and drink all day. When the holiday of Eid al-Adha began, guests came in a stream. In the courtyards, the gates open at 7 am and do not close until the evening. No external cameras, and a feeling of security. I was not afraid to let my little granddaughter go for a walk; in two days she got to know almost the entire village.
What surprised you?
It was striking that in a month I had not met a single dog. No one walks their dogs, no one even has them in the yard. There are a lot of cats. But even they know their place!
Aren't your fellow villagers surprised that Alikhan has a Russian wife?
No, in Chechnya there are many marriages with Russian women, but now it often happens: he has a wife in Russia and a wife in his homeland, and they both know about it. He does not hide the fact that he, for example, has five children and two wives. His sisters told him: “Get married here!” I know that they assigned brides to him. There are many single women in Chechnya who are 15 years younger than my husband. I immediately told Alikhan: “Get married if you want, but I will never be a second wife!”
Are divorces not uncommon in Chechnya?
There are a lot of divorces. It happens that after two or three months they return the wife back. She, of course, can get married again, but children, especially boys, remain with their fathers.
Since there are few men, you have to marry two, three, or four times,” Alikhan says calmly. - This does not disrupt anything in life, on the contrary, it helps. Of course, there are men and women who think differently than I do.
Do you think this is your last marriage?
“We don’t know that yet,” he says with a barely noticeable smile.
Let’s talk now,” Galina immediately reacts. “I’ll pack my suitcase and go on the Moscow-Grozny train.” Alikhan is assigned to me, like the land to a collective farm. (Laughs.)
“I don’t have any thoughts about divorce yet,” he continues calmly. - I have never regretted that I married Galina, although she is a complex person. She is very impulsive. If someone else had been in my place, they would have already killed each other.
Because what I think is what I say,” says Galina.
This is what ruins people,” says Alikhan. “She has an explosive character, and such moments destroy everything: family and friendly ties. If I said what I think, many people would have different relationships. You can't tell a person that he is a fool. He is not a fool, he was brought up incorrectly and simply does not understand how to behave in the family and in society.
Galya, could you move to Chechnya forever?
I could, but I have parents, children, and a granddaughter here. Where would I be without them? I like a lot about Chechnya. For example, I am for blood feud. A Chechen will think a thousand times before doing something, because the whole family will be responsible for his action. They don’t have a situation where brother and sister sue over living space: all issues are resolved by the clan. If a Chechen child is left without parents, relatives will definitely take him in. There are no nursing homes there. If someone becomes seriously ill, all relatives take turns caring for them. Chechens are very respectful of their elders. Parents enter the house, children stand as a sign of respect. When someone dies, all the women of the clan gather and bring food. It is customary there to offer condolences three days after a death. All Chechens who die in Russia are taken to be buried in the family cemetery in their village.
I think you have a happy family. Do you still think that Chechens should marry only their own women?
Yes, although I was lucky that I met a person like Alikhan. But, to be honest, it is difficult for us, who have never known the traditional restrictions for this people, to live by their strict rules. Do not sit at the table where men eat, do not wear open clothes, getting up when the elders come in, taking into account the opinion of the husband’s relatives - it seems like trifles, but in fact it’s a completely different world...
GQ columnists, Ksenia Sokolova, Ksenia Sobchak, visited Grozny to visit the President of Chechnya, Ramzan Kadyrov. We present to your attention an interview taken with the head of the republic
The interview touched on such taboo topics as the life of women in Chechnya, the ancient customs of the republic and sex...
Sobchak Hello, Ramzan! It's very nice to be visiting you again.
Sokolova It was very kind of you to send a plane for us.
Sobchak Yes, the gesture of a real Caucasian man. This is exactly what we wanted to talk to you about. I think, Russian women The “Caucasian factor” is sorely lacking. Since the times of the Soviet Union, a Caucasian man has been synonymous with generosity, beautiful courtship, bouquets, compliments..
.Kadyrov Yes, you are the one giving me compliments.
Sobchak But of course! You are our main Caucasian man. So tell me, how do you manage to make all women, both Chechen and Russian, fall in love with you?
Kadyrov Don't know. I've been off topic for a long time. I am now more concerned with socio-economic issues. I'm proud to be Chechen. And in Chechnya it is customary to respect a woman. As one book says: women rule the world. For her sake, wars are fought, for her sake, men achieve power, commit feats and crimes. And if you don’t do this, the woman absent-mindedly turns away and goes to someone else. She doesn't need you anymore, she looks at you and smiles like a sphinx.
Sobchak It seems to me, Ramzan, that you are being modest. You can't have failures with women.
Kadyrov I'm not talking about myself, but about the nation. I think the problem with our women today - from Chechnya and other republics - is that the most beautiful of them leave, rush to Moscow, and they are sold there for 500 rubles, on Tverskaya in clubs...
Sokolova You're right. In everything except prices.
Kadyrov Because I have never done such nasty things. This only causes problems. All sorts of diseases. I am against our girls going to Moscow, dressing vulgarly, going to expensive restaurants. Who will defend the honor, dignity, and security of the state? Sokolova Are you for women's conscription into the army? Kadyrov No! But we need patriots! And who gives birth to them, these patriots? Who will raise them? The one that sold itself for $100? This is Russia's problem.
Sobchak Would you let your daughter go to Moscow?
Kadyrov Never in my life! I am raising my daughter as a real Chechen girl.
Sokolova How to raise a real Chechen girl?
Kadyrov The same way they were raised by our parents, grandfathers, and great-grandfathers.
Sokolova That is, in Islam?
Kadyrov Certainly! We Muslims value women. For public insult and humiliation of a woman, we have blood feud. And a woman should appreciate all this and know her place. For example, in our family not a single woman has worked or will work.
Sokolova Why?
Kadyrov It will be difficult for you to understand this. You have a different way of life.
Sobchak We'll try.
Kadyrov We have our own customs. Of course, there are now a lot of “Russified” people who have picked up on your views. And I want to return everything that we had, that our ancestors left. I want us to not have prostitution, drug addiction, and not to sell our girls. We have a fifth national project - patriotic education. The boy must grow up as a real Chechen, Muslim, citizen of Russia. And a woman, respected in the republic, must give birth to sons. If a woman does not know that tomorrow she must become a mother and raise children, her behavior will always interfere. Here is a brave, brave patriot, a hero. The wrong behavior of a woman will interfere with his life. Sokolova What if your daughter, for example, wants to work? Sobchak For example, will he decide to become a TV presenter? Kadyrov She shouldn't want this.
Sokolova Why should you want something, but she shouldn’t?
Kadyrov My eldest daughter already knows the Quran perfectly! She is an excellent student at school, she sets an example... Sobchak Okay, what if she decides to marry a Russian?
Kadyrov It is Russian women who must marry Chechens urgently, so that we have mixed blood, so that the children are strong.
Sobchak A Russian woman will want to work...
Kadyrov He won't! I have yet to see a single woman who would like to get up early in the morning and stay up at night to work. If her husband gives her everything, why work?
Sobchak That is, you think that if a young handsome Chechen offers, for example, to me ( unmarried girl) all the blessings - gold, diamonds - and he will say: you will give birth to children and run a house - will I agree?
Kadyrov No, you won't succeed. I can't convince you anymore. Although you are strong beautiful girl. And the TV presenter is good. We turn on the TV when Sobchak is shown, and when they don’t show Sobchak, we turn it off. But everything you do is strictly prohibited for our daughters and sisters. It’s forbidden to even think about it!
Sokolova But can they watch TV?
Kadyrov Not all programs.
Sobchak Which ones are not allowed?
Sobchak How are you talking to me? And in general, here you are scolding Russian television, but you yourself are very willing to host domestic show business. There are already legends about you! And about your generosity. Either Yana Rudkovskaya leaves Chechnya in a brand new Porsche Cayenne, or Sergei Zverev wears a watch with a tourbillon. You are literally the mecca of Russian show business! Don’t you invite foreign performers? They would have called Madonna or Steve Tyler...
Kadyrov Why should I call foreigners? Why are ours worse? Take Sabrina, for example. Been here several times. Young Russian star...
Sobchak She's about 16 years old, I think...
Kadyrov More than 18. Already an adult.
Sobchak It is most important!
Kadyrov Yes, I like her. I also like Katya Lel. Especially when he sings in Chechen.
Sokolova Did I learn it especially for you?
Kadyrov Not for me, but for the nation. I also created the Chechen “Star Factory” for the people.
Sobchak Tell me, Ramzan, I’ve been tormented by a question for a long time - why was the Chechen “Star Factory” led by Sergei Zverev? This, I would say... is a somewhat unexpected choice...
Kadyrov No, we had our own presenters. -Zverev came to only one program.
Sobchak Is it true that they took the “tourbillon” from their hand and gave it to Zverev?
Kadyrov Yes, I gave him my watch.
Sobchak So I’m wondering what Sergei Zverev and Ramzan Kadyrov have in common? You and him are like a rhinoceros and a raccoon - complete opposites! Take at least appearance Sergei - hairstyle, lips...
Kadyrov What does appearance have to do with it? This is his job: he is a stylist, he sings. He has different views on life. And he’s an interesting, sociable person.
Sokolova They also say that Kadyrov is a hater of gay culture. Yes, you are a liberal!
Kadyrov No no no! What are you doing?! I am categorically against gay culture!
Sobchak But, Ramzan, you understand that Sergei Zverev, how can I put this... does not sleep with women...
.Kadyrov Have you seen it?! I asked him...
Sokolova And what is he?..
Kadyrov He honestly Gave me that I'm not gay!
Sobchak And you immediately believed him. That is, such a person, Sergei Zverev, came to you with silicone lips, an elegant hairstyle and said: “I, honestly, am natural.”
Sokolova And then: “Oh, Ramzan, what a watch you have...”
Kadyrov No! Everything was wrong...
Sobchak But as?
Kadyrov I sat with the girls, with our girls.
Sokolova Yeah, now back down!..
Kadyrov Dima Bilan finished the concert, then our guys danced Lezginka. Then I became a girl new Year gifts present.
Sobchak And then he sneaked up unnoticed...
Kadyrov You're putting me in an awkward position! A Chechen should not even talk about such things. He gave me his word!
Sobchak In my opinion, it’s hard not to guess... Styling...
Kadyrov And I asked him: “Sergey, why is your hairstyle so unpleasant?”
Sokolova Fact, unpleasant.
Kadyrov I told him: do it differently. Straighten it up.
Sokolova Yes, you are right on all trades! Styling tips To Sergei Zverev from Ramzan Kadyrov.
Sobchak From your story it follows that you are a trusting person. Ramzan, no matter how unpleasant it is for me, I must reveal a terrible secret to you. I'm afraid no one will do this except me.
Kadyrov Let's!
Sobchak Sergei Zverev lied to you. Now he has your watch on his hand. Can you even imagine what he can do with these hands?!
Kadyrov Listen, you have a lot of gays in Russia. They have watches, rings, panties. Why should I have anything to do with this?! Zverev said that he was not gay, and I believed him. You have no right to slander a person! This is a very big sin! They also write about me: cannibal, murderer, drug addict, kidnaps people. And this is absolutely not confirmed!
Sokolova We see.
Kadyrov I have never killed or kidnapped a person in my life... I have never tried a simple cigarette, nor alcohol, nor drugs. I came to the club once in my life. Do you remember when we sat there with you and Umar?
Sobchak Yes, it was First.
Sokolova Who is a regular customer at GQ Bar?
Kadyrov This is a restaurant.
Sokolova Ramzan, you make excuses as if we are accusing you of eating Christian babies. Giving a tourbillon to Sergei Zverev is not a crime.
Kadyrov For a Chechen, this is the worst insult - to say: I’m friends with a gay man! I shouldn't even say that word.
Sokolova This is the cultural difference you were talking about. In Russia, the word “gay” is not an insult.
Kadyrov This is why Russian women want to marry Caucasians.
Sobchak How did you look after your wife?
Kadyrov She and I studied at the same school. I spoke to her at the spring. I said that I want to get married. Then he sent the elders to her house.
Sobchak That is, no bouquets or sweets?
Kadyrov There were military actions. I didn't know if I would return home.
Sobchak I know that you have seven children.
Kadyrov Yes. Three sons and four daughters.
Sobchak And all from your wife?
Kadyrov Certainly!
Sokolova How old is she?
Kadyrov 28.
Sobchak(after a pause) And how... does she feel?
Kadyrov Wonderful! Raises children.
Sokolova Your wife is a heroic woman. I gave birth to one and almost died from horror. Do you want more children?
Kadyrov Certainly!
Sokolova But it’s unlikely that your wife will want to give birth to her eighth child.
Kadyrov Why?
Sokolova It's just physically very difficult.
Sobchak Ramzan, according to Sharia law, as far as I understand, you have the right to have four wives. Are you going to exercise this right? Given your financial capabilities, you can easily afford...
Kadyrov I'm looking, looking for a beautiful one. I haven't found it yet.
Sobchak Are you considering Russian girls?
Kadyrov I looked at it before. Not now.
Sokolova Why did you change your mind?
Kadyrov For political reasons. In Chechnya we have 30 percent more women than men. We need to help our own people.
Sokolova How would your wife react to the appearance of a couple more wives?
Kadyrov I would probably be against it, like everyone else normal woman. But I would explain. I think we will find a common language.
Sobchak I have many friends in Moscow Caucasian men. Almost everyone has a wife and mistresses. And I noticed big difference regarding: I respect my wife, she gives birth to children, and that’s all. And they look after their mistresses - they give flowers, diamonds. Why is that?
Kadyrov Don't know. I've never had a mistress.
Sokolova So you have never cheated on your wife? Kadyrov No. Never.
Sokolova This means that the enemies are slandering again. Okay, isn't it boring to just respect a woman?
Kadyrov"Is not boring?"
Sokolova But you say that you never courted your wife. That a woman is needed only to run the house and give birth to children. Isn't it boring to live like this?
Kadyrov I serve the people! I don’t even have enough time to sleep, much less do anything else. Maybe over time...
Sokolova What I like about our dialogue is that on very sensitive issues, even if we don’t find common language, then at least we overcome the fatal difference of cultures. Let's continue to get closer. Tell me what things are absolute taboo, a ban in a Chechen family?
Kadyrov Everything you do is prohibited.
Sobchak Give an example.
Kadyrov Your speech. You can't swear at your mother.
Sobchak Yes, during the entire conversation with you, we never uttered a single swear word!
Sokolova Although sometimes I wanted to.
Kadyrov(Sobchak) Last time you told me obscene jokes.
Sobchak So you liked it!!!
Kadyrov Well, I liked it. But this is impossible. And in general, look at how you sit! You can see your panties!
Sobchak This is my most decent dress!
Sokolova Okay, let's not get personal! And in sex life Are there any prohibitions?
Kadyrov This is not discussed in public.
Sobchak Can I use a condom?
Kadyrov Shut up!
Sokolova Is there sex at all in Chechnya?!
Kadyrov Shaitan take you! We don't have sex!
Sokolova Fine. We can't talk about sex, let's talk about politics. Why do Chechen women get married in European countries? wedding dresses banned?
Kadyrov Firstly, he did not prohibit, but gave a recommendation. Secondly, you know, our national dresses are beautiful.
Sobchak Is it just better than Valentino?
Kadyrov And now I’ll ask the Minister of Culture to bring it for you to try on. (Calls the Minister.)
Sobchak Oh, I'm right...
Kadyrov At least you'll look decent...
Sobchak Ramzan, if we have reached the dress. Let me offer you something. Take me as your second wife.
Kadyrov Shaitan!
Sobchak I think this will be an impressive patriotic and educational event. The fallen Russian TV presenter is being reformed under the ennobling influence of you and Sharia law.
Kadyrov Interesting proposal. But you will have to do a lot of education. Punish.
Sobchak How? Will you hit me? Or will you put it in the corner on top of the peas?
Kadyrov No. But I will lock myself at home. On the key.
Sobchak That is, to the disco, no, no? And I'm out the window on a rope ladder!
Kadyrov We'll have to use handcuffs.
Sokolova Oh, what a sado-maso!
Sobchak Yep, role-playing games.
Kadyrov(sad) I told you both of you are damaged material. It's a pity.
Wedding celebration Chechen traditions It is very fun and unusual, with dancing and singing. How Chechen women get married, what customs and rituals they observe, you can learn from this article.
Meeting the future bride and groom
Not every bride is suitable as a wife for a Chechen guy. You cannot marry a girl who bears the surname of her father and mother, even her father’s and mother’s grandmothers, up to 3 generations inclusive.
According to custom, meetings between a guy and a girl take place secretly, preferably in a place where their relatives will not see them. Counts in bad taste meet a guy in front of your parents or relatives. What can a guy do to invite his beloved to a meeting? He himself does not knock on the door of her house, but sends his best friend or the neighbor’s child to do it, so that he conveys his intentions to meet. So the guy and the girl see each other for a while and then decide to get married. The guy gives the girl a ring or a scarf, which is considered as if they are engaged.
After this, the future spouses set a date for the celebration, and the guy consults on this topic with his mother or sister. By the way, discussing the topic of wedding with your father or grandfather is considered indecent.
Then the guy and his family go to the house of the future bride and talk about the upcoming wedding celebration. It’s interesting that if a girl has brothers, they don’t interfere in conversations between her father and the groom’s relatives.
The bride is preparing for the wedding and collecting things with which she will immediately move to her husband. She'll definitely take it nice outfit on the second day of festivities.
Bride ransom
The wedding event begins at the groom's house. He and his relatives dress smartly and go in a wedding cortege to pick up their future spouse. The most beautiful car is prepared for the bride.
The newlywed should already be ready by the time the groom arrives. As a rule, the future newlywed says goodbye to her parents' home with tears. It is worth noting that Chechens treat girls, mothers, and sisters with respect and will never force them into marriage. Interestingly, the groom can go for his beloved, but he cannot enter the house himself. The groom's brother follows the bride, who can take her hand and lead her out of the room. A mullah comes with him, who asks the bride’s consent to the marriage, then the groom’s consent to the marriage, reads lines from the Koran and thus declares them husband and wife. The bride's sister may ask him for ransom. The groom's brother pays off and escorts the bride to the car.
Relatives from the groom's side take with them wedding gifts which the bride prepared for her new relatives. Can go with the bride best friend and the sister of the future husband.
The wedding cortege begins to drive and a competition begins between the cars - who will take the place behind the bride's car. All this is not just like that, since the winner will receive a reward - a carpet or a separate table with treats.
Meeting of the bride with the parents of her future husband
The future mother-in-law meets the bride on the threshold of the groom's house. According to custom, she treats the bride to candy or other sweets, and then takes a bite herself. During this, machine gun shots sound to mark the solemnity of the moment. In a modern Chechen wedding, this has become a whole show, but previously they drove away with a loud sound evil spirits from the house. To do this, they fired a pistol a couple of times.
The brother of the future spouse takes the young woman into the house, and there she stands in the corner and will stand there for almost the entire holiday until her mother-in-law allows her to sit down. There is a sign. If they want the newlyweds to have a boy, then the baby is brought to the newlywed, whom she picks up, kisses and releases. In addition, the bride gives him money or sweets as a gift.
Chechen wedding banquet
During the festive feast, congratulations are heard to the parents of the newlywed with wishes for many grandchildren and all the best. Anyone can come to the Chechen celebration, because there are no invitations.
Guests come with gifts, women with the necessary bedding and dishes, and men traditionally give money. It is at the wedding that the bride has the opportunity to meet her husband’s family.
The dancing is interesting. All dancers are divided into two separate semicircles of men and women. The role of toastmaster is performed by the man on the groom's side. He dances in the center of the dance floor. Lively music plays and everyone performs fiery dances.
Meanwhile, the young wife is standing in the corner of the room. She is supposed to behave quietly and modestly, not raise her eyes and not talk to anyone. She can’t sit down - it will be disrespectful to elders. Women can come up to her and look under the wedding veil.
Soon the mother-in-law removes the veil from the bride’s face. The newlywed's best friend sits next to her until the end of the holiday and eats. Then she is given a gift and taken home.
The ritual, the essence of which is to get the bride to talk, looks unusual. It consists in the fact that during a wedding, men come up and ask the bride to give him water. The bride should not immediately, but say “enjoy your drink,” and the men owe her some money for this, and whoever doesn’t give it, she may never speak again. The wedding event lasts three whole days.
Are marriages between a Chechen and a Russian and a Chechen and a Russian possible?
Can a Chechen woman marry a Russian? In general, the church does not recognize the marriage of two people different religions. If the future spouse converts to Islam, they can be recognized as husband and wife. Either the wife must convert to Christianity and then they will get married. In principle, in order to sign at the registry office, you do not need to change your religion. So, if a Chechen woman decided to marry a Russian, then their marriage will be registered.
Is it worth marrying a Chechen? Chechens treat women with great respect. Intercultural differences will make themselves felt. It is worth marrying a Chechen after becoming familiar with the culture of this people and its values.
As experience shows, conflicts often arise in the family over issues of everyday life, raising children, and different understandings of the roles of men and women in the home.
If your intentions are serious and your feelings are sincere, then differences in nationalities and religions should not become an obstacle. You can learn more about the traditions of the Chechen wedding celebration in the video.
