Many guys, especially young ones, are familiar with the situation when you meet a girl for the first time, your acquaintance is just beginning, but you can’t find topics to talk about and don’t even know what you can talk about with a girl, or at least how to start a conversation with a girl . Well, we said hello, sat down somewhere, asked “How are you?”, answered, and then... silence. She is silent, and you also don’t know what to say to a girl when you meet. It turns out awkward.
It's one thing if you don't like the girl. Here you can console yourself with the fact that, they say, she is an uninteresting person and there is nothing to talk about with the girl. But we know that the root of the problem is not always a specific person. Sometimes, even with a very pretty person, you can’t maintain any kind of coherent conversation and an unpleasant moment begins when you seem to need to say something, but bad luck, nothing comes to mind.
As you have probably already noticed, women are very talkative in everyday life, but when meeting a new person, most of them are quite silent. You can't even get a word out of some pullets. In such a situation, a generally pleasant acquaintance may come to naught and, half an hour after the end of the date, she will tell her friend about you something like this: “Imagine! He was silent all evening, there was NOTHING to talk to him about AT ALL! He’s either stupid or terribly shy.” And the friend will giggle in response: “He’s probably a virgin, and he was amazed that SUCH a girl came to him on a date, so he swallowed his tongue.” Of course, I’m being a little ironic here, although who knows what girls say about us men behind our backs. However, no matter what they say, if the entire date was reduced to awkward silence, it is clear that the chance of seeing this girl again is small.
So what to do if awkward pauses appear between you and your new friend, quickly developing into a wall of alienation and discomfort and nullifying all your efforts to get to know this chick? And at the same time, you still like her and you don’t mind continuing to communicate.
The answer is simple: you need to take the reins completely into your own hands, including managing the conversation. And for this you need to be able to communicate well and interestingly and create a trusting atmosphere on a date. This is what you and I will learn now.
We will find out what to talk about with a girl if we first determine what the average person wants, namely, an ordinary girl :) Yes, she may seem like a fairy from a fairy tale to you, but, as we know, all women are the same in some ways, which means that by being able to communicate in general, you can count on success with the fair sex in each specific situation.
Here's what a girl expects from a good date with a guy:
1) Have an interesting time.
2) Pleasant male company.
3) Attention to yourself.
4) Wants to be liked.
I'm sure you'll agree that in the vast majority of cases, this is exactly why a girl goes to meet a new young man. Of course, this often includes additional items like “eating delicacies at someone else’s expense” and other unfavorable and unpleasant moments for you, but such cases are quite clinical and should be discussed separately.
In addition, all these details are one way or another included in the goal we mentioned - an interesting pastime. With the right skill, you can replace her selfish expectations with no less pleasant things, for example, cheerful communication with you, a great communicator 😉.
Real skill does not consist in driving a girl around in a Mercedes, bathing her in a bathtub filled with champagne, or arranging a trip to the Canary Islands, or wherever else Timati takes his girls on the first date :) The skill is to make her feel like a princess with you in the simplest setting.
By understanding a woman’s needs and satisfying them, we will achieve our goal – a pleasant continuation of our acquaintance. The best part is that in in this case, with a skillful approach, satisfying the lady’s requests is at the same time satisfying ours own desires. After all, you also want to have a pleasant time in the company of a woman, give her attention and have sympathy arise between you? So here we are killing two birds with one stone.
What to talk about with a girl to be an interesting conversationalist
#1 Be an interesting person
Of course, become beautiful interesting conversationalist It won't work in a couple of days. It takes time and practice. And the most important thing: to be an interesting conversationalist, you need to be an interesting person. And if your life consists only of going to a hated institute and hanging out in the world of computer games in the evening, then your inner world is unlikely to amaze another person with its depth and brightness, even if you talk about the game Warcraft all evening without closing your mouth.
In order to be interesting, you need to live interestingly, or at least understand interesting topics oh and things. For example, read a variety of literature for at least half an hour every day, understand a little about news and events in the world.
I advise you to have interesting hobby, developing you as a person. It would be a good idea to take up exercise if you haven't already.
I foresee a dissatisfied grimace on your face: “And this is all for the sake of an unfamiliar girl?!” Of course not. You do all this only for the sake of your loved one, and interesting and fruitful communication with women will be a pleasant bonus to your personal development.
It is very useful to make acquaintances with active people, for example, guys at the gym, on Internet resources dedicated to your new hobbies. A favorable environment develops faster than splendid loneliness or Friday night drinking in the company of alcoholics.
As for time - and all the ways I have indicated for the development of your person require time - then you will get it with interest by stopping wasting time on nonsense like computer games and watching TV. Soon enough, you'll feel like you have something to say about yourself and your life. Including the girl.
#2 Show your masculinity
A woman wants to see a real man next to her throughout life and on a specific date. Agree, it will be unpleasant to hear the words addressed to you: “You are still such a boy...” I have nothing to please you with here - you are unlikely to be able to fully fulfill the role of an adult, sensible guy if all your interests are focused on playing Dota and sitting on youth forums. Here I will refer you to the same points about personal development which were listed above.
To this I will add that no matter how you perceive your acquaintance (aiming at serious relationship or light flirting), it is useful to look like a promising young man in the eyes of a girl. You may not yet occupy a prominent position, and you may not have a luxury car, but it’s worth showing that you strive for well-being, creative fulfillment and a career.
Male behavior is poorly compatible with arguments about any issue and complaints about life. Eliminate this moment from your date. I don't think it's that important for you to prove to her that you're the one you love. musical group cooler than the one she idolizes. And in general, when it comes to your contradictions with her, remember the wise expression “Silence is golden.”
#3 Give her attention
Now you’ve learned how to hold a conversation and know what you can talk about with a girl. It is important not to slide into talking and talking about yourself without stopping. Remember that in front of you is a living girl with her own interests, dreams and experiences. Be interested in her, ask questions. So that your series of questions does not look like an interrogation (and women quite often react to persistent interest in this way), try to alternate between you and her speaking.
Important point. You shouldn't always ask what comes to mind. Listen to her answers to your first questions and expand on the topics she herself touches on. For example, to your question about her preferred leisure time, she answered that she dances. Wonderful! We sit on this skate, ask what kind of dances, how long she has been doing it, why she likes it. Ask open-ended questions that ask for a story rather than “yes” or “no.”
Don’t even think about uttering the catchphrase of those who don’t know what to talk about with a girl/boyfriend: “Tell me something...” This immediately reduces the level of your sociability, and intelligence, significantly.
Listening to what she tells you, nod, agree and assent. Don't overdo it so as not to look ridiculous. She should get the impression that you are listening carefully and that everything she says is close to you. If she frowns and scolds something, frown too and say something in the style of: “Wow! What a goat!” Share her values and emotions. This will create an atmosphere of mutual understanding and sympathy between you.
It happens that you really want to talk to a girl about something, and she turns the conversation to a topic that is pleasant for her. It’s clear that it’s your sacred duty to agree with her and not let her get bored listening to what a big pike you and dad caught last year.
#4 Show sympathy
So, we paid attention to her as a person and personality. It remains to show that we like her as a woman and it would be nice to get to know each other better. I’ll say right away that this point is worth mentioning only when the girl really made you want to continue and deepen your acquaintance. If you are not interested in her as an object of courtship, gradually reduce her to friendship.
To show that you like her, look her straight in the eyes when talking. He lowers his eyes - great. At the first stage, your task is to unobtrusively show that you are counting on more than friendship, and to position yourself as a man, but not a friend. Look her up and down a couple of times, slowly, keeping your gaze on her chest, lips, and other parts of her body that you like.
If everything is going great, there is a technique you can use to transition into a kiss. Look into one of her eyes, then into the second, then move to the lips, then again move to the eyes, outlining a triangle with your gaze, and at the new transition to the lips, kiss, slowly. It is not advisable to look into the eyes at the moment of the first kiss - some girls find this embarrassing.
But I moved a little away from the topic of the conversation, fortunately, all these points greatly contribute to its favorable course. Mention the phrases “you and me” and its derivatives more often. Look into the future by saying, “Next time you and I will go...” This will give her a clear indication that the relationship will continue and you see her as your woman. Such slightly veiled straightforwardness will let her know about your mood, and at the same time there will be no reason to say that you are too fast and are rushing things.
In any case, such sayings are justified: if she likes you, your plans for spending time together in the future will gradually tune her into the role of your partner; if she does not share your enthusiasm, then you will quickly notice a cooling and will be able to take action. This can be either correcting your speech, eliminating unnecessary haste in relation to you, or saving time to continue a futile acquaintance.
As for compliments, they are needed, but to a small extent. If you sincerely praise her a couple of times throughout the evening gorgeous hair And beautiful skin, gently stroking her hand, this will be pleasant for both and very appropriate. If you constantly repeat how cool and beautiful she is, this will lead to the fact that she will either become arrogant or consider you a flatterer. Both are contraindicated for you. Therefore, be careful with compliments. They are like spices - when you have a little of them, it becomes tastier, but when you overdo it, it is impossible to eat.
To know what you can talk about with a girl, it is important to practice in this matter - when communicating with a girl, conduct a conversation consciously. By following the recommendations given in this article, you will be able to take the main steps in developing the skill of pleasant communication with the female sex and after a relatively short time you will be able to communicate very effectively, forgetting forever about awkward pauses in conversation and unsuccessful dates.
A conversation with a girl should not be perceived as ordinary communication. If only because our task is to interest and seduce this beautiful creature, and not just communicate with her.
All the troubles guys have when communicating that prevent them from starting and maintaining a normal conversation happen because of two things:
- Inability to overcome obstacles that arise during the dialogue.
- Wrong approach to communication (which is precisely due to a lack of understanding of what the girl wants to get from this communication).
Well, because... Every conversation has its own goal, so to achieve it it is important to approach the issue of communication comprehensively and wisely.
So, what awaits you in the article:
The article turned out to be long. I tried to make it as useful as possible and fill it with examples.
Here we go?
The essence of creating a retractor
If you have read some of my blog articles about the art of communication, then you already know the role of an interesting conversation starter.
An original conversation starter with a girl that will definitely interest her is based on 4 things:
- Intrigue
- Surprise
- Interesting (unusual)
- Desire to know the end of the story
Putting this into practice is not as difficult as you might think. For this I suggest using in two ways that satisfy all 4 conditions for creating a retractor.
Method No. 1. Unusual (shocking) question
Shocking questions allow you to focus the person's attention completely on you. Street gypsies use them (and not only them) as a tool to put a person into a trance and empty his pockets.
We will do this for a good purpose.
Before you start a conversation with a girl, shock her.
It is highly advisable to ask this question at the very beginning of communication, immediately after you say hello.
Hello! Have you ever thought about getting married?
- ... (her surprised answer).
- Every time I drive past the registry office, I think why so many couples get married every weekend. Are there really so many people living in our city?
Method No. 2. Start with a veiled story
The rule “start without foreplay” applies to this method too.
But unlike the previous method, using this method is possible not only at the very beginning of a conversation with a girl. The main thing is to comply with the condition: nothing should precede your story (except for other already completed topics).
Example correct application (without introduction at the beginning):
The other day I went to the store. I go and look at the counters: somehow everything is dull and uninteresting. I go further: I see that everywhere they sell some mediocre things that no one needs at all. And when you look at the faces of the saleswomen, you want to run out of there as quickly as possible. It feels like sellers are what they sell. Similar to the saying “you are what you eat.”
And then I started thinking, what do people lack in life for complete happiness? Have you ever thought about this?
Did you notice that the essence of the story was not immediately visible? I advise you to first stretch the story a little to increase the intrigue.
You can first come up with your story, and only then possible options for starting a conversation with the girl. Or you can use the fictional stories given here. But then you take all the risks on yourself, because your girlfriend may also read this article someday!
After looking at the number of likes on articles, I realized that not only men, but also women read me. Why? Apparently, it’s curious what I’m writing about them.
How to maintain a conversation with a girl: “eternal” communication
When communicating with a girl, you may encounter the following obstacles that prevent you from maintaining a lively conversation:
- Awkward pauses
- Not knowing how to continue the topic
- Not knowing how to start new topic(in the previous part of the article we already discussed the solution to this problem)
- The girl doesn't keep up the conversation
ABOUT possible options I wrote about solutions to these problems in the article “How to communicate with a girl, or chatter is not in fashion now.”
By the way, in it I described the “tree method”, which allows you to interesting conversation with a girl, practically without straining, and also brought specific example dialogue showing how to apply this method in practice. I recommend reading it!
Improved tree method
The “tree method” has another “version” where you don’t just carry on a conversation, moving from one topic to another, but return back to the “trunk of the tree”, moving on to other “branches”.
This allows you to discuss different aspects of the same topic. So that you understand what I mean, I will give an example of how you can conduct a dialogue with a girl using this method.
-Have you ever ridden the attraction “...” (name)?
- … (answer).
– From the outside it seems simple and not at all scary, but when you enter the platform, it immediately becomes scary. Moreover, this was noticed not only by me, but also by many of my friends. Although, of course, not all of our attractions can compete with Western ones. Have you ever heard about the Norwegian attraction “...”? (go to the first “branch”).
- … (answer).
– It looks like...(description). But in order to build one here, you need not only to have brains, but also money (moving on to the topic of attractions in general, i.e. to the “trunk” of the tree). In general, we are all adrenaline junkies (movement to the next “branch”). Once we get hooked on the thrill, we will never get off it again. What people don’t do to get a new dose of adrenaline. And it would be okay to stop. But then we get used to it and want something even more. Have you ever tried to do something that gave you a lot of adrenaline?
- … (answer).
In general, these two methods are an example of how girls communicate with each other, jumping from one topic to another. And it should be noted that this is very effective techniques, because dialogue in this style will help you make her more interested in communication rather than discussing just one topic.
In addition, discussing different aspects of the same topic allows you to solve one of the important problems - the lack of liveliness in the conversation.
Make her participate in communication
To do this, ask for real interesting questions. They will provide an opportunity to build a truly lively conversation with a girl that is truly interesting, forcing her to take an active part in the conversation. Plus, the types of questions I outlined in my article of the same name will allow you to hook her emotionally (something most guys can't achieve on a date).
Don't forget to ask her to express her personal opinion on something. People love to talk about themselves and their opinions. Give her this opportunity!
And so that really use interesting topics for conversation, read the article “”, where I described everything in detail, highlighting only the most valuable.
Now you will be armed to the teeth.
A little about self-hypnosis
If you've already read my blog, you've probably noticed that I sometimes talk about self-hypnosis. And for good reason - this is a very effective tool that really works wonders.
Your task is to imagine that the girl likes the topics of conversation you propose. That she is really interested in communicating with you and she literally “looks into your mouth” to quickly find out the ending. Put on that expression on your face when you were telling something. interesting for friends, and they listened to you with great interest.
This technique will only work for those who believe that it works.
Many people are also interested in how finish conversation with a girl. There are no specific techniques here.
But I want you to remember how the end of a dialogue usually happens. At first there is an awkward pause. Then you seem to overcome it. However, after a few seconds/minutes, it appears again, and you both understand that it is time to end the communication.
Instead of waiting for this unpleasant moment, take the initiative and be the first to end the conversation with the girl in some interesting place. This is necessary so that she has a slight feeling of incompleteness, and she thinks about you for some time after communication.
I know that you came to this blog for knowledge and experience. The fact that you are developing is worthy of respect. But information from one article is often not enough, don’t you agree?
Now I’m ready to reveal to you information that will tell you why this girl is still not with you, how to show your intention so as not to become her friend, and so on. To get all the secrets of falling in love and creating sexual interest, enter your e-mail in the form below. Then I will send you my personal developments directly to your inbox!
Want to know what to talk about with the girl you like? Then read on for 30 tips to help you keep a conversation going with your friend.
Most guys know what it's like if they like a girl. When she is nearby, the presence of butterflies in the stomach is guaranteed.
You feel anxious every time a girl comes into your attention, and when it comes to communication, things get even more difficult.
Why is it that when you like a girl, it becomes so difficult to talk to her? Your palms sweat, your mouth becomes dry, and for some inexplicable reason, although you are a completely normal and adequate person, you are unable to express even a single trivial thought, let alone transform it into something articulate.
While you are usually the center of the universe and the life of the party and can talk to anyone about any topic, if your conversation partner is someone you can't stop thinking about, suddenly everything changes.
If you have a problem starting and developing a conversation with a girl due to internal depression, you are not alone in your trouble.
The best way to deal with such a situation is to prepare for it in advance. Even though you may not be able to behave in a completely natural way during a conversation, you cannot look stupid when the conversation suddenly stops and there is a long and uncomfortable silence.
An additional stone in your garden will be the inability to find a way out of the trap of your own silence. That's why it's a great idea to adopt interesting conversation topics.
It doesn’t matter whether you want to start communicating with a girl for the first time, having an insidious plan to capture her phone number, or you already, but want to be sure that communication will proceed without a hitch, having prepared interesting topics and questions for the girl, you can guarantee that you will have a great time with her.
What to talk about with a girl
Starting a conversation with a girl you like is actually simple, and the suggested topics for communication will help you on the right path.
Once the conversation starts, you will find yourself relaxing and everything becomes much easier.
But having cheat sheets prepared, just in case, will give you peace of mind, because now you will know exactly what to talk about with the girl.
1. Did you see what they showed on TV yesterday..?
Popular culture and the media are unlikely to ignore your friend. This is a very easy way to start a casual conversation.
If you have witnessed particularly interesting information thanks to television or the Internet, talk about it.
2. Do you have brothers, sisters?
By the way, that's pretty helpful information. What if her brother is Roman Abramovich?
3. You a good relationship with relatives?
This is a rather personal but important question.
If you decide to build a long-term relationship, a girl from a close-knit family will be the right choice.
Moreover, talking about relationships with your family brings you closer.
4. Where do you work and study?
Ask where the girl works or studies, and whether she likes this type of activity or her chosen specialty.
Showing interest in professional activity girls will be a good way to start a conversation, since most people can talk for hours about their work or school and how they love it or hate it.
5. What did you dream of becoming as a child?
This question will help you move on to the topic of childhood and develop your dialogue with children's stories.
6. Which your favorite dish?
Pay attention to your girlfriend's favorite dish, because if everything goes well, you can cook her a wonderful dinner later, adding priceless points to your male knight appearance.
7. What do you usually do in your free time?
Find out about her hobbies and interests. This question will show your compatibility, and give a hint on choosing a place for.
8. What kind of music do you listen to?
If you don't know what to talk about with the girl you like, start a conversation about music.
Music is a completely neutral topic because every person has their favorite music preferences, as well as music genres that they hate.
Tell us about the concerts and festivals you attended. You may have a lot more in common than you expected.
9. What is the best day of your life associated with?
Who knows. Maybe she will answer what’s wrong with you...
10. What was the most memorable night of your life?
Information about your friend's nightly adventures can give you another round of ideas.
Moreover, what if this girl is not your destiny? Then you are absolutely handsome. Use the free idea you received to organize a date night with another girl.
11. If you could invite anyone to dinner, who would it be?
It's funny and in moderation stupid question, which can still tell a lot about a girl.
12. What would you do if you won the lottery tomorrow?
Dreaming together about what you will do if you become super rich is interesting way spend time.
13. What would you do if you had a week to live?
It is unlikely that such a question will become painful. Rather, it will start a fun and light-hearted conversation about many crazy activities and things.
14. Do you have an idol?
A role model is an important characteristic of a person.
15. Why did you agree to the date?
A stupid question that shows your weakness.
But if you're not, this question can help you learn something interesting about yourself.
16. Describe your ideal evening?
Find out what a girl likes to do in her free evenings.
17. Do you love animals?
If a girl doesn’t like animals, and you can’t imagine your future without your beloved dog Wolfie, why do you even need such a girl?
18. What is one superpower you wish you had?
Another funny question that will make a girl first frown and then smile.
19. Which countries have you been to abroad?
Stories about travel and places you have visited are great topic for conversation.
Even if you've never traveled, talk about where you'd like to go in the future. You can even plan a trip together.
20. Did you like studying at school?
Every person has a bottomless store of school stories in their memory, so why not tell about them?
21. Do you have a lot?
By learning about a girl's friends, you will better understand what she is like.
22. What is important to you in a guy?
Why not find out right away what's on a girl's mind. At least you will understand from the very beginning what rank you are assigned in this romantic story.
Actually, another question about myself, but for a date with another girl.
23. What do you value in a relationship?
Find out how your views coincide.
What if the girl pursues an exclusively open relationship.
24. What is your hobby?
The more eventful your life and the life of your friend, the more interesting the conversation will be.
25. Topics for conversation with a girl:
- Childhood, both hers and yours.
- Current interests and hobbies.
- Future plans.
- Personal preferences and outlook on life.
- Family.
- Relationships with the opposite sex without specifics and memories of your ex.
- Psychology and esoterics.
- Current problems of your generation.
- Own stories from life.
26. Thinking out loud
Practice talking about whatever you want, i.e. about everything that comes to your mind, and do not turn the conversation with the girl into an interrogation. Don't act as an investigator, so add your own stories to the conversation.
27. Be confident
You don't have to agree with everything the girl says, but you shouldn't argue either.
28. Be emotional
You may well talk about what interests you, however, by doing it expressively and emotionally, the girl will enjoy the communication.
29. Practice on other girls
Go on a few dates with girls you don't have exciting feelings about.
It will be much easier for you when you finally muster the courage to talk to the girl of your dreams.
30. Smile and eye contact
It's a no-cost way to position yourself correctly that works wonders.
31. Keep the end goal in mind
Don't forget to get the girl's phone number. Or did you just want to kill your time?
32. Look attractive
If you are silent by nature, then your appearance can rehabilitate you at least a little.
Conclusion
You will never get 100% guarantees that a date or conversation will go smoothly, because external factors there are countless successful conversations. However, the more you interact with people, the more confident and natural you become.
So practice often and eventually you will understand what to talk about with a girl.
Movie – universal theme. We start with the question: “Have you been to the cinema *?” We find out what he likes to watch, whether he goes to night shows, talk about new releases and invite you to a movie - it’s in the bag!
Hobbies. For example, you roller skate or collect stamps. In the first case, after a short conversation, you can invite him for a ride. If he doesn’t know how, promise to teach him. In the second - tell romantic story associated with your favorite brand and invite you to view the collection. During the conversation, do not forget to ask what the girl is interested in and give her time to talk about it. 
Literature. Does the girl like to read? If yes, go ahead. What have you been reading lately? Which writer is your favorite? Tell us what you are reading yourself. Maybe you know which book will soon be filmed? Already read new book from a series she liked? Promise to let me read it. 
Museums, memorial places. There are tons of them in any city. You need to pick up a guidebook and remember information at least about those where you visit most often. Then at any moment you can strike your intellect in something like this: “Do you know that Pushkin (James Bond, Carlson) lived in this house?” We are interested in the lady’s favorite places, tell her a romantic story about her favorite park and invite her to take a walk. 
Bad habits. It’s better to talk about “cute” shortcomings: the habit of constantly being late, losing pens, or vice versa - unbeknownst to yourself, collecting them from everyone you know. The main thing is to have fun. 
Money. Talking about how much daily travel and food, CDs, books cost is a good opportunity to start a conversation. True, you shouldn’t drag it out, he’ll think that you’re a miser. After a couple of opinions, move on to another topic. For example, to food. 
Food. From family dinners with grandma’s pies to favorite dishes, exotic seafood, good cafes, barbecue trips, etc. An invitation to your favorite cafe or out of town on the weekend will be completely logical in this case. 
Travel, walks. You can talk about your recent trip. Ask where the girl likes to go, travel, about her favorite weather for walking, where she would like to visit. What do you like best: forests, mountains or diving into the unknown depths of the sea for treasures? 
Cars, transport. Ask if the girl drives a car. If not, is there a desire? What cars do you like? What other transport would you like to drive? spaceship or an armored personnel carrier? Share your thoughts about your dream car. 
Work and study. Tell us a couple of funny situations from your work or educational practice. Ask about relationships in the team: are there common holidays, ask about the bosses and teachers. There will definitely be something in common in these stories, something to laugh at. 
Rest. What do you do on the weekend? Regardless of the answer to the question, we don’t criticize anything, even if the girl doesn’t get off the couch all day, eating kilos of cakes. Maybe she has a terribly stressful job, and this is compensation for stress. Your task is to keep the conversation going. 
Sport. Start carefully with your favorite sports. If you hear that a girl is doing ballet or dancing, do not rush to laugh “at the top of your lungs.” Try at home in front of a mirror, standing on tiptoes, raising your legs, sitting down, jumping and at the same time beautifully waving your arms for a couple of hours in a row. Your torment will have nothing in common with ballet, but you will feel the degree of stress. Famous athletes, gyms, types of swimming, sports tourism - there are a lot of them. 
From sport to health. Here is the time to say that it is better to ride bicycles on fresh air than sniffing glue in basements. We can philosophize a little on this topic together. Unless, of course, the girl yawns during your moral lecture. 
Religion. Do you believe in God, in fate, are you interested in Buddhism, the history of religions, don’t even believe in chance, etc.? Don’t be shy, ask: does she believe in predestination from above or does she believe that a person creates his own destiny. Do you feel that your meetings are not accidental? Hint about it. This could make for an interesting conversation. 
Relationship. Here you can ask what kind of guy she would like to meet. What he will not tolerate: betrayal, tediousness, greed, etc. In response, express your opinions. Ask about your friends, tell us about yours. Just don’t start scrutinizing your ex-girlfriends. 
Children. kids, younger brothers and sisters, nephews and just acquaintances. There will definitely be something to discuss: funny sayings, pranks, whims. If the lady you choose is already a mother, the conversation can be endless. You can find out how serious the person in front of you is. 
Gifts, holidays. Which holiday is the best? What gifts does he like? Give or receive? About yourself - definitely. For example: you love winter, New Year, Santa Claus and swimming in an ice hole under tangerine rain wearing only fins. 
Cloth. Be sure to compliment her on how beautiful she is appearance. Make fun of your favorite jeans. Ask: How does she feel about the guys working the runway? Hint that a woman is beautiful in any clothes - any a real man knows about this. 
Pets. The topic is a win-win, unless you run into an outright psychopath. Does she have a cat, a dog, a rat, a fish, a parrot? Praise! It is mandatory to talk about your pets. Imagine what your favorite iguana and her guinea pigs would do together. 
Sex. You can shock a girl by immediately informing her about your sexual preferences. True, the result will be extremely doubtful. Therefore, wait until your relationship becomes really close. In the meantime, you can talk about famous couples: are they really suitable for each other?
In contact with
Meeting or talking to a girl is a serious challenge for shy guys. In their case, we are not talking about the usual slight jitters, but about a real tsunami of fear and excitement. Sean Cooper, a man who got rid of shyness on his own, is sure that all these troubles can be overcome. Below are some of his recommendations to help combat shyness and make conversation more relaxed.
3 reasons why you are afraid of girls
1. Feelings of inferiority
Just the sight of someone attractive makes you nervous, and the thought of approaching her makes you terrified. Why? Because you consider yourself unworthy of this beauty. Think of women whose appearance is far from your ideal. Surely their company causes less discomfort.
The point is that men make too far-reaching conclusions based only on a woman’s external data. But imagine: what if she’s stupid? Or does she completely lack a sense of humor? Or do you just have nothing in common? You don’t know this person yet, but you are already sure of her magnificence (and your inadequacy to it).
As a result, feelings of inferiority deprive you of confidence and prevent you from expressing your individuality.
Advice: Remember that appearance speaks more about genes than personality. So don’t rush to deify a stranger and add yourself to the list of unworthy ones. It’s better to find out in practice what kind of person she is.
2. Obsession and unrealistic fantasies
Shy guys tend to choose one girl as the object of their dreams. You can connect with a beautiful person with just a couple of short conversations or smiles: for a shy person this is enough to imagine a future together in every detail. What happens in the end? The guy pushes himself so hard that when it comes to taking decisive action, he gets lost under the weight of high expectations.
You thought about her for so long and turned her into such a perfect being that you were paralyzed with fear.
Sean Cooper
Another scenario: you finally dare to ask her out on a date, but after three minutes of conversation you realize that she is not the beautiful lady in your head. And based on a three-minute conversation, you decide to retreat without really getting to know the girl.
Advice: say “stop” to empty fantasies and direct your energy to communication. Well, remember that there are many cute and interesting girls. Obviously, you shouldn't focus on one that you're barely familiar with.
3. Procrastination
Guys who suffer from shyness or have little relationship experience may wait a long time to talk, touch, or have a first kiss. But the longer they wait and the more they think about it, the stronger the fear becomes.
Advice: act impulsively. All thoughts that appear after the first impulse are aimed at dissuading you from doing something. After all, it is better to do and regret than not to do and regret.
How to talk to a girl
1. Structure the conversation correctly
Cooper mentions the chain message method. You've probably already used this technique, but perhaps not entirely correctly.
Its essence is as follows... Any, even the most insignificant information becomes the starting point. Then a clarifying question is asked. Based on the answer to this question, the following replica is constructed. And further down the line.
An example of a failed conversation:
A: Hello! Where are you from?
IN: From Chelyabinsk.
A: Oh, and what are you doing there?
IN: Working.
A: Where, if not a secret?
IN: At the factory.
A: And by whom?
IN: Milling operator, *&%+#!
Mistake A is that he approached the conversation too formally. As a result, it came down to a banal listing of facts, which made milling machine operator V. go berserk.
Tip: Bet on emotions, not boring data.
Exercise “Conversation Map”
Take a blank sheet of paper. In the middle, write a word that can serve as a conversation starter or that you often hear from girls. Now draw the rays that extend from it. They will be the directions of the conversation. Formulate them as statements or as questions. The main thing is that they relate to emotions and values. The more directions you come up with, the better.
Example:
- Starting word: psychologist.
- Branch-emotion: How do you feel when you enter into such close relationships with different people?
- Branch-value: you must be a very caring person if you chose this profession.
Sudden pauses in conversation, Cooper says, are normal. What is not normal is that you feel awkward and uncomfortable about them. It is these feelings that you need to fight.
The first thing to do is to realize that you are not a toastmaster, but an accomplice in the conversation. There is no need to blame yourself for not being able to react instantly and figure out how to continue the conversation. This will only increase the stupor.
The second rule is to remain relaxed. If you're nervous about silence, it automatically becomes awkward.
The third rule (and tip) is to naturally continue the conversation. This is where situational comments can help. The essence of the method is to pay attention to what is happening in the outside world, and not try to frantically find a topic in your head (which becomes completely empty due to stress).
When you are relaxed and not focused on internal search, the dialogue ceases to be forced.
3. Learn to talk about nothing
Another problem many shy people have is that they believe that every conversation needs to be meaningful. At the same time, conversations are constantly happening around, the content of which many instantly forget.
These are annoying or confusing, and their participants may seem simply narrow-minded. However, these people have no difficulty initiating contact and get their dose of social interaction. And this is worth learning from them.
Where to begin? Stop thinking and allow yourself to be spontaneous. Be in the present moment without worrying about what you said 10 seconds ago or what you need to say in another 10 seconds.
Trust your brain, and don't try to squeeze all the juice out of it. In fact, this is a powerful device with a decent amount of information. You just need to let him do his job.
4. But just in case, have a list of topics.
Prepared topics are like a cheat sheet: you don’t have to use it, but you feel more confident with it. The range of topics that you can talk about with a girl does not need to be kept in mind all the time. It is enough to outline it and leave it on the periphery of consciousness: if something goes wrong, you can always use it.
Sean Cooper suggests nine areas from which to draw conversation ideas:
- Hobby.
- Work, study.
- Trips.
- Entertainment.
- Food, cooking.
- Past experience.
- Observations of the present (situational comments).
- Future plans.
- Human relationships.
As a practice, you can come up with five example topics for each of these areas.
Another option is to talk about what you really know a lot about, and try to interest your interlocutor in this. You will feel more confident in your field and be able to open up.
Another alternative is to let the girl talk about what she understands, but at the same time remain genuinely passionate about the topic. Genuine interest is always felt. And it attracts.
Of course, you shouldn’t follow all the advice at once. Try one technique, then another, check in practice in which situations they work better, or choose the one you like best.
