The tradition of marrying a girl to a man who is much older than her dates back several centuries. Then it was believed that a big difference in age will indicate a long and strong marriage, and the woman, thanks to her older husband, will feel like behind a stone wall. But times are changing. More and more often you can find a couple where the older woman is not the man. Last time I touched on the negative aspects of relationships in which the woman is older. But there are a lot of good things that I didn’t mention...
What positive features does a union have in which the girl is older?
Availability young man will certainly encourage a woman to take even better and better care of herself, to choose stylish clothes and shoes, do anti-aging procedures, refuse bad habits, exercise. Any woman understands that a young man needs to fit in, otherwise he can easily be taken away. A man, in turn, will also strive to look as good as possible, because next to beautiful girl he will need to look the part.
When paired with a more mature woman, it is easier for a man to realize himself in life, since his chosen one has more life experience, she is more serious and in many matters more insightful than him. The female sex begins to mature psychologically earlier than the male sex, since in order to continue the human race, nature has endowed women with mental invulnerability and moral stability. Only next to strong woman the young man becomes truly courageous. A woman is able to give advice and warn her partner against mistakes and wrong steps due to her greater life experience. She will be able to prevent relationships from unnecessary scandals.
No matter how strange it may sound, a man is subconsciously determined to have a relationship with a more mature woman. Remember, from childhood a man is raised by women: mother, grandmothers, aunts, sisters; later these are nannies and teachers in kindergarten and teachers at school. Therefore, it will be much easier for him to build a relationship with an adult woman.
As a rule, women only come to understand their true purpose over the years. In their youth, many girls like to live in an atmosphere of idleness and entertainment, but with age they gravitate more and more towards family life. An older woman takes better care of the cleanliness and aesthetic beauty of her home, she is more skilled in the culinary field and approaches the process of planning and raising children with greater responsibility. Over the years, the girl becomes more feminine. She will be able to provide the young man with the much-needed comfort and coziness. It is precisely because of the lack of the latter that young couples break up.
Celebrity couples where the woman is older:
A couple where the girl is older will have the highest sexual compatibility. Sexologists have long noted that the peak of female sexuality occurs at approximately 27-30 years, and for men - at 21-23. His energy and ability to quickly recuperate fit perfectly with her experience. This way, both partners can regularly experience maximum sexual satisfaction.
And to conclude this big topic, I would like to address couples where the partner is older:
1. Ignore public opinion. When a man younger woman- this is a common occurrence nowadays. Don't worry about how your friends and family will react. The main thing is that you love and are loved and it’s good for you to be together.
2. Teach each other. The age difference only benefits both parties. You can give your young partner life experience; with you, he will have a greater chance of achieving high results in his career. And he, in turn, will charge you with energy and introduce you to new trends modern world, which you cannot learn from an older man.
3. Don't be jealous of your younger partner. Jealousy arises from lack of self-confidence. When a man is younger than a woman, there is room for constant suspicion. However, he chose you, which means he needs you and only you. But at the same time, do not give him complete freedom; go to various events together.
4. Feel the ease of relationships. If a man is younger, he is not inclined to reproach you, instruct you and limit your actions. He has a simpler attitude towards life, so you will have more fun. In addition, you will feel more confident and complete next to a young man.
5. Don't be afraid to build serious relationship. According to statistics, 53% of marriages in which the husband and wife are the same age break up after 2-3 years. The average length of marriages where the man is younger than the woman is 12-16 years. But many couples live together for 20 or 25 years.
6. Enjoy yours sexual relations. Youth and experience combined will bring you many pleasant moments.
Many unions in which the girl is older young man, lead to a wedding and a long, happy life family relations. Cast aside all doubts and love your soulmate, even if she is much younger or older than you. Don't pay attention to other people's opinions, because this is your life and you should live it the way you want it.
10 chosen
If previously a relationship between a woman and a younger man seemed exotic, now such couples are par for the course. According to statistics, about a quarter of women marry men younger than themselves. Moreover, this may not affect the relationship at all, especially if the difference in age (both physical and psychological) is not too great. But if differences are still felt, such relationships have their positive and negative aspects.
pros
Youth. There is such an aphorism: "A woman is as old as her lover." And to some extent this is true. A young partner makes a woman younger, both physically and psychologically. On the one hand, a lady pays more attention to her appearance and health in order to match her lover. On the other hand, it brings vivid emotions and impressions into a woman’s life that make her feel younger. Communication with his young friends also plays a role. All this inspires deeds and madness, and helps make life more interesting. Add to this the positive impact of such relationships on a woman’s self-esteem, and the picture emerges very pretty.
Past. The younger your lover, the less past he has that could negatively affect your relationship. There are fewer exes who can remind you of themselves, less cynicism or bad bachelor habits accumulated over the years. A young man is still capable of changing – at least in some small things. And it makes no sense to expect the same from a mature man.
Voting right. Young man with more likely will listen to the advice of her older friend, because she objectively has more life experience. The leader in such a relationship may well be a lady, or it will be a relationship of equals. A young man is unlikely to take the position of a “domestic tyrant.”
Minuses
Future. A common problem that many such couples face is a different vision of their future together. For example, a woman is already committed to family and children, but a younger man is not yet ready for this. Or, on the contrary, a man dreams of becoming a father, but his girlfriend already has children from her first marriage, and she does not intend to repeat this experience. There is nothing you can do about it: you cannot force a person to live differently from the way he wants. If you have fundamentally different views on the future, separation is inevitable.
Money. A too noticeable difference in financial situation can become a hindrance in a relationship. Of course, we love men not for the size of their wallet. But if a woman earns noticeably more than her young friend, then she is most likely accustomed to a certain level and lifestyle. Then the question will inevitably arise: what to do: pull your loved one to your usual level of comfort or go down to his step. It would seem that this is a trifle, but traveling together or going to restaurants in such a situation can turn into a test for both.
Jealousy. To date a younger man, a woman needs to be very confident. Otherwise, she will spend a long time looking at wrinkles in front of the mirror and get angry when her beloved spends time with his peers. And jealousy can kill any, even the strongest feelings.
By the way, age is not only physical, but also psychological. Some people become serious and responsible almost as soon as they graduate from school, others can nurture and cherish their inner child until old age. I know couples who, despite a noticeable age difference, psychologically turned out to be practically the same age.
There are a number of questions that cause me internal psoriasis and eczema. I'm covered inside with pimples and scaly scabs that can't be scratched off. flawless manicure. Sorry about the manicure. And you want to hit the asker hard on the withers with a hook so that he or she expands or broadens his or her horizons a little wider than the keyhole.
Questions may vary. Like: how can I lose weight, but at the same time not take my ass off my chair and eat chips, I really love grinding trans fats with my jaws. Or: why doesn’t he love me, because I love him so much, and I’m the best in the world, because... Or: I need to raise my salary because I want to buy a new car, it’s a shame to drive a Lada eight when I want a VAZ Patriot. Well, or as far as I can – to KIA.
But what makes my lungs really start to hiss and evaporate is this: you know everything about people, how should I behave with a guy if he is 3 years, 3 months and 3 seconds younger than me. And our zodiac signs are in different axes from grandma’s knitted rug. He loves the Mirage group, and I am such a well-mannered neophyte and appreciate the work of the ABBA ensemble. No, we both don’t like Depeche Mode, because we are for Russian rock, I’m free.
The vacuum cleaner for fools begins to suck so much that Arkady Averchenko does not turn over in his grave, but sits down, breaking through the lid with his strong skull and, to the best of his ability, applauds with his bony palms. I knew he would like to say, but he couldn’t - his tongue had decayed, his speech apparatus was helpless.
To completely fall into the muck of idiocy, you can read manuals like: how to behave with a guy if he is younger. Why mature women are better than their peers. How to mix chamomile petals, a whiff of marshmallows, a stream of ether and the ashes of an Ikea sofa Tyldyvyrsmrg penis enlargement product.
Biological age is the same optional and biased substance as manicure, like nails. Whether it exists or not - these are all rudimentary fragments, nails are needed to turn the pages book pages(although paper books are also a rudiment), we have long stopped scratching enemies to save lives, only loved ones, when there is no air to say “I’m cumming.”
Age does not matter. What matters is the strength in the partner. Strength of spirit, mind, willpower, physical strength. This is what attracts me.
It is generally accepted that the older partner suppresses the younger one. Teaches. Supervises. Is a mentor, mentor, top. One friend admitted that she brought her future husband under her belt when she was 19 and he was 16. She says she wanted to take a fresh boy and raise him to be her own, and she succeeded.
I was 19 and my future husband was 27. Very soon the growth curves coincided. Even faster - they didn’t coincide, I grew faster, he grew slower, everyone has their own pace. It was revealed very quickly. And very slowly we divorced, 11 years after we met. It was hard.
All this time I was thinking about how cool it is to be next to a partner who is better than you - spiritually, mentally, morally, physically, and physiologically, in the end. A woman does not want to be close to an equal. A woman wants to be next to someone who is better, taller, cooler. Then there comes a feeling of peace, security, happiness.
Then I got terribly lucky. I met a man who was much older than me in terms of intelligence, literally by decades. In terms of will – for hundreds of years. Every time we made joint decisions, it seemed to me that he was giving the correct opinion like a calculator or Excel, and like a fool I was counting in a column: five there, two in my head. Why double-check on paper when a more perfect mind has already foreseen and decided everything in seconds, huh?
We went through a lot of trials together: poverty, family mismatch, hellish mismatch social status and provisions. Then the children started. And he has never let me down, can it be? Maybe.
Should I decide to long relationship? Dare? Or firmly remember the foundations, bonds and traditions? We’ll look for answers and comments on women’s online forums, where the topic is discussed passionately and knowledgeably. In addition, we will get acquainted with the opinions of specialists - psychologists.
Flight and pure pleasure
“All my life young people have been attracted to me, I can’t even imagine having an older man next to me - it’s boring to be with them. Old suitors are already kind of lethargic...”
“My grandmother always told me that men die early - heart attacks, strokes - and then we live alone. So, they say, it’s good that you have a young lover!”
“I had a short-term affair with a young man 17 years younger. It didn’t develop into something more serious - I couldn’t: since childhood I didn’t like couples who looked like mother and son. But emotionally it was a thrill, a blast!”
We do not have anything in common…
“Girls, my husband is younger than me... In general, much. There is only talk around that men are bastards, that I am a fool and it is not clear what I hope for. Just a couple more years and he’ll be gone.”
“In any case, you just need to live. A man (and a woman, for that matter) does not go to youth, but to new love, to new emotions if the previous relationship has outlived its usefulness. And there is no longer, or maybe there wasn’t, love in them.”
“When you got married, what did you hope for? For a miracle? My husband is 15 years younger than me, but I realized that this marriage would not last forever. We’ve been living together for six years, there are no common interests, it’s not family, it’s crap!”
Inna Sigovtseva, psychologist:
- In my opinion, an unequal marriage, where one of the partners is much older than the other, is doomed. He inevitably has to pull himself up to the level of his younger spouse, and live not in accordance with his age. This exhausting, both physically and psychologically, race for youth will lead to a breakdown. However, there are also happy families, where husband and wife can accept each other as they are.
Don't be afraid and learn to value yourself
“When a man is younger, it is much easier to twist and turn him as you want, if, of course, you have the intelligence. My husband thinks I gave him a chance and literally did him a favor. Outwardly, the difference is not particularly visible, but he is jealous and worries that he is losing to my established peers - a good incentive to develop and earn money!”
“My man is 12 years younger than me. There was exactly the same difference with the previous one. A woman looks (and generally behaves) the same age as her lover. The guys are thrilled by these. And worrying about what his mother or friends will think... Never mind! So I recommend it to everyone. Another thing is that this is hellish work: you cannot relax even for a second, neither externally nor internally.”
Alena August, psychologist:
- A woman chooses a companion who corresponds to her real sense of age. After all, there is a girl in each of us: she is the one who winks and giggles when you see your reflection in the mirror adult woman. So what prevents you from gaining new experience? Public opinion today you are certainly ready for any options, so it’s up to you to decide who to live with and who to love.
Mama's boy or a real man?
“He looked after me in such a way that you could cry with emotion: flowers, sweets, trips to the conservatory. Made an offer. We went to meet my mother, and she said: “Finally, I can leave my son in good hands!” I am the head of the family, everyday life and the main income are also mine. The boy has found a second mother to sleep with.”
“We are 21 years apart. I am 38, he is 17. My son is three months old, and I have never seen a more gentle, loving and dexterous man in handling a baby (I have two marriages behind me, and this child is the fifth). We communicate easily with both his and my friends. My relationship with my mother-in-law is excellent (she is one year younger than me).”
Vera Komarova, psychologist:
- There is no ideal marriage, there never was and never will be. For some, it’s too late to get married at 20; for others, at 65 they’re finally getting ready to get married. And those couples that surprise society, causing rumors, are created for a reason. Believe me, they are happy. In my own way. You can be happy with any (old or young!) partner - it depends on us.
Strongly for
- A woman in such a union ages more slowly. The energy received from a young partner helps maintain external attractiveness.
- Thanks to the wisdom accumulated with age, you can work around rough edges and smooth out conflicts.
- Intimate life is at its best: the man is young and hot, the woman is experienced and sensual.
- A woman takes good care of herself and constantly learns something new.
Strongly against
- Having taken the position of leader, a woman is ready to overprotect a man, who has the right to be irritated and offended. After all, he is formally the head of the family.
- There is a high probability that the husband’s parents and his friends will not accept such a union: “I found myself a little toy. For what?!"
- In an unfamiliar society, you may be awarded the title of “mummy” or “ older sister" - not very pleasant.
- The fear that a husband will become infatuated with a younger woman can become an eternal companion to marriage.
Just a fact
According to statistics, the number of marriages in which the wife older than husband, increases. In Moscow, of the 60 thousand marriages concluded annually, 9% are in unions where the woman’s age is 7 or more years older. Over a thousand marriages are characterized by a difference of 10 years or more. In addition, many such unions exist in the form of civil marriages.
Happy couples
Igor Makarov and Lera Kudryavtseva, age difference - 16 years
Lera:“I finally have a shoulder to lean on.”
Alla Pugacheva and Maxim Galkin, age difference - 27 years
Alla:“It’s easy with him, and most importantly, there’s a big difference, and I don’t feel any age. He is wiser than me in many things. And he’s good with humor.”
Lolita Milyavskaya and Dmitry Ivanov, age difference - 13 years
Lolita:“I decided to be content and happy. Now I look at him and think: how did I live before without Dimka?”
Hugh Jackman and Deborah-Lee Furness, age difference - 13 years
Hugh:“I fell in love with this woman. What difference does it make how old she is?
Society loves to simplify its life by inventing and supporting supposedly useful stereotypes. For example, “a child should eat fruit,” “a woman should have a mystery,” or “a man should be older.” Moreover, these phrases sound so strict and imperative that it is scary to argue with them. But these recommendations are not the ultimate truth: fruits still have too much sugar, overly mysterious women eventually bore you with their games and are left with nothing, and not all older men are as developed and interesting as some their rivals are younger. However, the power of social beliefs is so great that it can poison the existence of those who go against them. Take, for example, couples in which the man is younger than the woman. No matter how happy these people are together, their lives turn into constant struggle. The fight for the right not to make excuses in front of old neighbors, friends and relatives and the fight against one’s own prejudices.
Although there are many examples of such unions before our eyes - she looks absolutely happy next to young Casper Smart, who is so in love with her that he is ready to get the moon from the sky for the diva. Young dancer Brahim Zaibat dreams that he will still say his cherished “yes” in response to his marriage proposal. But, despite the outward romance, relationships in which a man is younger than a woman are often perceived as disharmonious and lacking true love. So how does this work in reality?
Don't decide for others
What can we hide: relationships in which a woman is older than a man are condemned. But, oddly enough, it is mainly other women who condemn them. Men, on the other hand, do not express harsh opinions on this matter and approach the situation rationally.
Alexey: “You either have feelings or you don’t. And if they exist, then there is no need to rudely destroy them with templates and cliches and the opinions of different people.” Said it suddenly and bluntly. Nothing to add. But not for women. They will always find a reason to worry: “I’m 41, my husband is 35, we’ve been living together for 8 years,” says his wife Elena. “He raised my daughter as if he were his own; he is her only dad.” In general, everything is good, but there are still some doubts. I understand everything - we are not getting any younger, and fears a la “what awaits me in the future?” are still present, no matter how hard I chase these thoughts away.”
But which of us doesn’t have some kind of fear? If a woman is lonely, she worries that she will remain so; if she is married, she fears that one day she will get divorced. If the husband is older, he is afraid that he will die early; if younger, it will go to someone the same age. No matter how you live, it’s still scary. So what’s the point of tormenting yourself in advance and depriving yourself of joy? Men don’t see the point, and they know how to set an example for their women: “My boyfriend is 8 years younger than me: I’m almost 36, and he’s 28. So what? “He loves me like no one has ever loved,” Anna shares. - At first I told him that I didn’t want to ruin his life, that I wouldn’t give birth to children (I already have adult daughter). One day he got angry and clearly but calmly said: listen and remember. First of all, don’t decide for me what you break for me and what you don’t. Secondly, if you don’t want to give birth, don’t. I will live for you. I don't need anyone but you. I feel good with you today, and I’ll think about the rest tomorrow! Now I always remember his words and try not to worry for no reason.”
Fears and reproaches
Age is a disadvantage that quickly passes. And if only he worries you, then you really have no reason to worry. It’s much more useful to occupy your head with eternal suffering about weight and figure (maybe you’ll finally be ready for some interesting looking sports). However, relationships with an age difference are fraught, although solvable, with more pressing problems than fear of the future.
Opponents " unequal marriages“We are convinced that if the wife is older than the husband, problems may arise primarily with common interests. But you can argue with this, because even with a peer or an older person, sometimes there is nothing to talk about. This idea is confirmed by Alina, 44 years old: “My first husband was 8 years younger, then I had two serious and quite long term relationship with young guys: age difference 14 and 21 years. I don't know how to fall in love with my peers. They are not interesting to me: I read them like open books. There is nothing to say about physical intimacy. Ultimately, everything depends on us, and youth is not always in first place. What is more important is the kinship of souls and love, which is always above age differences.”
Girls are taught from school that they develop earlier and faster than boys. This argument is adopted by supporters of the stereotype “a man should be older.” But such logic is not always justified, because some men do not mature internally at all, while others mature beyond their years. And spiritually mature man You can feel small and fragile regardless of your nominal age. “We are 10 years apart, and so far everything is fine. Because in reality it turned out that he is bigger, smarter and internally more mature than me, although he is only 22,” admits 32-year-old Ekaterina.
But not everyone is so lucky with men who mature early. And the age difference still means that the woman has already achieved a certain position in society, earns more and, by all indications, plays the role of a breadwinner. In a relationship with a man younger than herself, she constantly runs the risk of slipping into “mommy” behavior and even turning her partner into a gigolo. Depriving a man of his original purpose is fraught with consequences. “On the twelfth year of our happy, as it seemed to me, life together“, he found himself another woman,” says Oksana. - A woman who did not take care of him, but looked into his mouth and forced him to take care of herself. I, on the contrary, always did and decided everything myself. When he left, I realized that I needed to pamper myself and my daughter, and not jump around men. Then he returned - and we have a redistribution of roles! It has remained that way ever since. I’m not afraid that he will leave again, because now everything has changed: I love myself more, and I don’t run around him.” Obviously, the solution to this most terrible, from the point of view of “experienced” women, problem is to remain tender, defenseless, affectionate and love yourself, not forgetting about your joys and needs.
One question remains open: what to do with envious people? There is no other way to name people who condemn the relationship between an older woman and a younger man. And if we remember that, according to statistics, these dissatisfied with “unequal” relationships are mostly women, then there is no need to doubt their motives at all. A woman who attracts a younger man will always arouse admiration, which, due to human mental weakness, turns into envy and annoyance. After all, if you ask any woman, would she like to have a relationship with a young, tireless and at the same time internally strong man- the answer is unlikely to be negative. And if the happiness of loving and being loved by those who are not afraid to go against prejudice for the sake of their feelings went to selected women, then is it worth paying attention to the opinions of cackling envious women?
The game is worth the candle
When the main difficulties are overcome (and the man really deserved this battle), all that remains is to immerse himself in the joy that such a relationship brings. Firstly, you can happily benefit from the following paradox: when dating an older man, a woman looks more serious and mature, but compared to a younger man she looks younger in appearance. This is partly because there is an inexhaustible incentive to take care of yourself, maintaining your beauty and youth by all means. And the abundance of varied and wild sex helps you stay fit and charged with happiness. Secondly, for his part, a man will also not want to relax: after all, if a woman is surrounded by more mature and experienced rivals, his bar will never lower. “My husband is 10 years younger than me. I don’t know why, but such a marriage is very positive for both spouses,” says Yulia, 35 years old. - Maybe because we can't calm down. Each of us is afraid of losing our soul mate - each of us has reasons for fears - and therefore we are always drawn to each other, strive to develop and become even better.” And what could be better than the desire to be better - especially for the sake of a loved one? It is worth any sacrifice, including those that build character and faith in your relationship.
Many copies have been broken on the topic of age-unequal marriage. However, those who have been in a relationship with a younger man at least once are sure: they are the same as any other. Harmony should be based on love, mutual understanding and similar views on life. And if they are not there, then it’s not a matter of years at all, but of heads and hearts.
