Orthodox understanding of love and marriage and their substitution. Orthodox teaching on marriage

A beautiful tradition. “Appendix” to the wedding. Guarantee of the strength of family ties. These are the most common ideas about the Sacrament of Marriage. Meanwhile, there are both young and mature married couples who live the church life, but sometimes put off performing this Sacrament for many years. What is really behind a wedding? How permissible is it for a believera person to live in an unmarried marriage? How to prepare if you decide to take this step?We are talking about this with the editor-in-chief of the Bogoslov.ru portal, candidate of theology, rector of the Pyatnitsky metochion of the Trinity-Sergius Lavra, Archpriest Pavel Velikanov. Photo by Konstantin Trostnikov

How did the wedding come about?

— Father Paul, it’s logical to start with the main question: what is the Sacrament of Marriage, what is its essence?

— The question is not as simple as it might seem. Because historically this Sacrament appeared quite late - in the form in which we know it. The early Christians did not have any special rite for blessing marriage: the Church recognized as legal the marriage that took place within the framework of the tradition that existed in that era. In the first Christian communities, the blessing of the newlyweds was performed by the very fact of the presence of a priest or bishop, the head of the church community, at the wedding feast.

— Wasn’t there a blessing with the laying on of hands, as, for example, now in Protestant communities?

— Indeed, there is evidence that a marriage was sanctified by the laying on of hands by a bishop - this is the apocryphal monument “The Acts of Thomas,” which was written in Asia Minor at the beginning of the 3rd century. However, until the 4th century there was no special order. Only after the Edict of Milan by Constantine the Great ( A document of 313 that proclaimed religious tolerance in the territory of the Roman Empire and put an end to the persecution of Christians. - Ed.), when the process of active entry into the Church of people who were far from the Christian way of life and not very eager to become real Christians began, the need arose to understand marriage from the Christian point of view as a union of a man and a woman, blessed by God. It became vitally important to make a clear distinction between the Christian understanding of the family and those ideas that existed in the pagan world.

—What ideas did the pagans have? What is the difference?

— The difference is that Christian marriage is not limited to the perspective of earthly existence. This is not only blessed communication between a man and a woman and the continuation of the human race, but above all a certain spiritual activity. The spouses, having gone through the usual stages for any marriage, reach a special height of spiritual and emotional unity. And this unity remains after their death. We know a large number of holy spouses are Saints Peter and Fevronia of Murom ( Their memory is celebrated on July 8th. — Ed.), Kirill and Maria ( parents of St. Sergius of Radonezh. — Ed.), Joachim and Anna, Adrian and Natalia...

In paganism, of course, there was no such understanding. It could only arise on the basis of the Christian idea of ​​one's neighbor as the main tuning fork of the relationship to God, from an understanding of the need for sacrificial feat as the foundation and fundamental principle of all existence in general, and not just the relationship between spouses.

This is how, against the backdrop of understanding marriage, the rite of the church blessing of marriage gradually takes shape. Only by the 17th century was it formalized in the form that we now have in our Orthodox churches. In general, wedding is the only Sacrament in which we find a huge variety of forms! A certain core - the prayer "Holy God" - is already present in the 4th century, but the rest could vary.

Photo by Alexander Bolmasov

Wedding... in condemnation?

— Is an unmarried marriage considered wrong and sinful?

— No. It is deeply incorrect and dangerous to believe that an unmarried marriage is synonymous with fornication. A legal marriage - that is, not a secret one, announced to society and legally registered in a certain way - is fully recognized by the Church. And this is clearly stated in the Social Concept of the Russian Orthodox Church.

— The fact is that, without a church blessing, it will not be easy for Christians to build their marital relations so that they become for them a ladder to the Kingdom of Heaven. More precisely, to build the Kingdom of Heaven in marriage now. And this is why the Sacrament exists.

— What is the mystery? What mysterious is going on?

— The sacrament lies in the fact that Divine grace is called upon to transform the natural relationship between a man and a woman into a spiritual relationship. This desire transforms the natural attraction of the sexes towards each other into a step towards Christ - that's what happens. This is beautifully shown figuratively in the Gospel story about the miracle that Christ performs in Cana of Galilee: turning water into wine at a wedding. Any marriage is destined for such a transformation: the “water” of natural human relationships, by the power and action of the grace of the Holy Spirit, must become “wine” and acquire a completely different quality!

- And what is the blessing?

— A wedding is also a blessing for married life within the Christian community itself. Sexual cohabitation for Christian spouses is conceivable only within the framework of a church blessing by the head of the community - a bishop or priest.

— Can we say that this is an attempt to enlist God’s help on this difficult path?

- Partly yes. In a legal marriage, both halves enter into a new, previously unknown, unknown reality for them. And here God’s special help is required.

But this cannot be approached as a deal: we are your wedding, and you are our guarantee of a “full cup at home.” Wedding is the strengthening and blessing of existing relationships, but not building them from scratch, and especially not legalizing formal relationships between people who “cannot digest” each other.

I will express my opinion, which may not agree with the opinion of a fairly large number of clergy. But I am firmly opposed to people who are not sufficiently churchgoers approaching the Sacrament of Marriage.

Today they often marry everyone. Such an attitude towards marriage neutralizes the Sacrament and turns it into a “magical crutch” for those people who, in general, do not yet know how to walk. But experience shows that there are no “magic crutches”. If people do not love each other, if they treat each other consumeristly, if, having gotten married, they are not going to change anything in their lives, to become real Christians, then this Sacrament will not save them, but will lead to even greater condemnation. And their marriage is likely to fall apart rather than strengthen.

- Why?

— Because any approach of God is a crisis: it aggravates, brings the existing situation to a certain extreme tension. Divine objects are not to be trifled with: they require proper treatment. And if a person is ready to sacrifice himself, his interests, to break free to Christ, the crisis turns out to be salutary and useful for him. If he is not ready, does not want to change, then this exposure, the aggravation of his true state, only accelerates the possible disintegration of the family.

God cannot be treated with disdain. And the Church is His territory, the place of His special, exclusive presence. Therefore, getting married “just in case”, “what if it works” is not worth it. And the huge number of petitions for the so-called “church divorce”, which exists in all dioceses, is the best evidence of this...

Therefore, if we are talking about people looking into the Church who are not, in fact, Christians, for them the form of legal marriage is quite enough.

Ready - not ready

— If this is such a serious step, is it worth taking it right away? Some couples put off getting married because they don't feel ready enough...

- It happens. You see, this process of maturation before wedding occurs in parallel with churching.

I know spouses who are believers and church people, who have been married for about 50 years, but who at the same time are not yet mature enough to come to church and get married. There is no such spiritual kinship or unity between them to perform this Sacrament - the process is not yet completed. There are many such examples.

- Is this more good than bad?

- This is bad. But if they got married and after that nothing changed in their lives, it would be even worse.

I rather like the position of those non-church young people who, having had a wedding, are in no hurry to get married right away. There is a sound grain here: it demonstrates responsibility. Such spouses must live in a legal marriage, give birth to children, love each other, slowly change themselves, join the church and, when they grow up to a church marriage, get married.

However, if people have been living a full church life for quite some time, if each of them has come to know Christ in their own way and lives by Him, then for such people to get married without having a wedding is abnormal and more than strange. When believers, church-going spouses for some reason do not get married, this should lead to the thought: something wrong is happening here.

- Why? If this is “ripening”, then it occurs in different couples at different times...

— Because for a Christian, marriage, family is not just a “unit of society,” and certainly not “an institution for the legal use of each other.” This is a living example of how completely independent and separate individuals can coexist in complete unity. The family represents unity: everyone lives according to the law of love and at the same time no one suppresses, absorbs, or displaces anyone. An analogy can be drawn with the Holy Trinity: God the Father, God the Son, God the Holy Spirit live in complete love, complete harmony and unceasing self-giving to each other, and in this they acquire the absolute fullness of being and the very bliss to which we are all called. And therefore, for the Church, marriage is one of the fundamental concepts.

The relationship between Christ and the Church is identified by the Lord himself with marriage relationships: the Church is called the Bride of Christ. The Apostle Paul and all the holy fathers have this marriage allegory to one degree or another. And this only says that there is no higher relationship in a person’s life that is more conducive to salvation than marriage. We can safely say that marriage is a kind of “springboard” to salvation. But just as various risks are associated with a springboard, the same is true with marriage: without taking this path, you will not reach certain heights and will never know what free-fall flight is, but having entered, you must understand that they are not waiting for you. only shining peaks, but also the danger of breaking your back.

— Can spouses go to a wedding as a conscious step towards unity? Asking God for support in this?

- Yes, this is the most correct approach.

If a husband and wife have a desire to organize their lives in a Christian way, of course, it is better for them to enter into marriage through the Sacrament of Wedding. But this is only possible when each of them understands the full extent of the responsibility that he assumes. The responsibility is not only that they do not have the right to divorce, no matter what happens to them, but the responsibility is spiritual. For the way of life that each of them, according to his own strength, is trying to implement in accordance with the Gospel commandments.

— It turns out that this Sacrament is both the beginning of something qualitatively new and the pinnacle of some internal process?

“In this case, a wedding is truly both an important beginning and a peak, a kind of evidence that the spouses have truly achieved some kind of spiritual unity; in their aspirations to God, their trajectories have ceased to be parallel and began to strive for unity. In this case, the desire to receive a church blessing and sanctification of marriage becomes a completely natural and legitimate desire.

Debunking "debunking"

— Many people talk about “debunking.” Does such a rank actually exist?

— “Debunking” is a completely mythical thing. There is no rite for removing a church blessing for a marriage. There is evidence of the Church when, out of its condescension towards a person who was unable to endure the feat of marriage taken upon himself, she gives him a blessing for a second marriage.

— How far does the Church’s leniency go? Is it permissible to get married in a second, third, etc. marriage?

“Indeed, there is a rite for the wedding of second-married couples, which is rather a rite of repentance.

- Is he independent, separate?

— Yes, this is an independent rank for those who enter into a second marriage. But, of course, the rank for trigamists no longer exists. In some extreme cases, in special situations, a blessing may be given for a third marriage - but without a wedding. And here there really must be some completely exceptional cases and sufficient grounds for such a decision! And, of course, no priest will take on such responsibility: this is entirely the domain of bishop’s authority. Naturally, such a situation cannot be the norm. Here we see a manifestation of oikonomia, an extreme concession to the Church, in order to give a person the opportunity to receive communion and continue to live the church life.

— Is this, in fact, a blessing for marriage without a wedding?

- Essentially, this is simply a blessing for communion for a person who, due to his weakness, is in a third marriage, and a request to God for the forgiveness of his sins.

Difficult questions: betrayal, second marriage, different faith

— If one of the spouses is not a believer, but out of love for his “soul mate,” reads books about Christianity and somehow prepares for the wedding — is it permissible to perform the sacrament over such a couple?

- I think yes. And the Apostle Paul speaks about this: an unbelieving wife is sanctified by a believing husband, and vice versa. The spouse who is closer to Christ may well become a source of light for the other. And there are a huge number of such examples - when love for one’s “other half” becomes for a person the most important step in his life to Christ. We know a large number of such couples abroad: when non-Christians take Russian girls as wives, for example, and, realizing how much Christianity and the Orthodox Church mean to their beloved, they are gradually drawn into the elements of liturgical life. For me this is a living example, since I just returned from England and saw many such couples where one of the spouses discovered the beauty of Christianity for the other.

— Does the Orthodox Church allow Orthodox Christians to marry Christians of other faiths?

- Paradoxically, yes. As stated in the Fundamentals of the Social Concept of the Russian Orthodox Church, weddings can take place between Orthodox and Catholics, members of the Ancient Eastern Churches and Protestants who profess faith in the Triune God. A necessary condition for such a wedding is the celebration of the Sacrament in the Orthodox Church and the raising of children in Orthodoxy. Saint Philaret of Moscow repeatedly admitted this.

This is an amazing fact! And one more evidence that marriage is a phenomenon that goes far beyond just human relationships. At one time, the religious philosopher Vasily Vasilyevich Rozanov wrote: “The connection of gender with God is greater than the connection of the mind with God, even than the connection of conscience with God.” ...

Indeed, what is an integral side of marriage primarily affects some deep, spiritual aspects in a person. And I think that it is not without reason that the Church is so harshly opposed to any form of close relationships between people, except for legal marriage. The Church, like a child-loving Mother, endlessly values ​​and reverently protects what happens in marriage, and is equally decisive and uncompromising about what happens outside it.

- Do you mean fornication, betrayal, cohabitation?

- Yes. This greatly emasculates and spoils an important part of human nature, where a person’s meeting with God takes place. Why is monasticism, for example, unthinkable without the feat of chastity, the feat of absolute abstinence from sexual activity? Why was it originally associated with virginity? The monks and nuns who had no experience of sexual life at all have always stood out in particular - and it was precisely such monasticism that was considered a real, genuine dedication to God. This is a very subtle, mystical moment of the betrothal of the whole person to Christ. One might even say that it is a kind of spiritual “marriage” with the Creator, which requires the same completeness of dedication that an ordinary marriage requires from spouses.

In monasticism, a person completely entrusts himself to God - he lives by Him, is nourished by Him, rejoices in Him, is inspired by Him. And here there can be no “bigamy” or division. Just like in a marriage: there can be nothing apart from or contrary to your other half in a healthy and happy marriage.

It is very unfortunate that “going on the side” has long been tolerated in secular society. And this must be shouted loudly: any cohabitation, any adultery is a huge tragedy for all its participants and for the entire family where this unfortunate victim of the passion of fornication lives. Moreover, as long as there is betrayal and fornication, in principle there can be no talk of any reconciliation with God. Not because church canons are so cruel, illiberal, and “inhumane.” But because fornication is a deep breakdown not only of the soul, but even at the physiological level. People who take this path burn out with the passion of fornication that area of ​​their soul that is infinitely significant for God - after all, in it they could find reconciliation with Him! And until this wound heals, absolutely nothing can be done about it.

- We are talking not only about betrayal as such, but also about a slight hobby on the side, about thoughts?

- In patristic asceticism there is a very clear gradation of thoughts - when exactly a passionate, prodigal thought that comes to a person can already be considered a sin. The Savior Himself said: Anyone who looks at a woman with lust has already committed adultery with her in his heart(Mt. 5 :28). Fornication embodies the falling away from fidelity to one’s spouse that has already taken place in a person’s soul. But it all starts with a thought.

In general, we do not understand much of what happens in marriage. And no matter how extensive the research in the field intimate relationships men and women, we cannot fully understand the nature of these relationships. Here we go beyond the boundaries of science as such and move into a dimension that is more spiritual than physiological.

— So we can say that marriage itself is a Sacrament?

“I think I’ll agree.” And it is interesting that St. John Chrysostom once wrote: “Crowns are placed on the heads of those getting married as a sign of victory, in order to show that they, invincible with passion before marriage, approach the marriage bed as such, that is, in a state conquerors of carnal lust." This understanding of a wedding is directly opposite to how it is sometimes perceived today, as if it were a forced church blessing for the sexual cohabitation of two people overwhelmed by lust, “legalized fornication” - so that they do not leave the Church completely. And St. John Chrysostom says: we are marrying them because they have overcome their lust, that they are already driven by love, which turns out to be much higher and stronger than lust. And further they, as Christians, should first of all be driven by love, and not by lust. After all, passionate movements will someday go away anyway - but love itself will only strengthen and purify. And here, virginity, complete physical purity of both spouses, acts as a guarantee of precisely this development of relations.

Preparation: practical points

- There is an opinion that a wedding is such a personal matter that takes place between two people and God that only the wedding couple and the priest should be present at it...

- I believe that there is nothing wrong with the absence of witnesses at the wedding. In England or Greece, this Sacrament is also one of the forms of legalization of marriage - there religious denominations are given the right to issue state marriage certificates. We don’t have this in our country: the sacrament takes place within the church community and does not require witnesses to what people promised each other - this is their business before God.

But this is precisely why there is a strict requirement: we marry people only after they have entered into a legal marriage and are officially registered. Except in extreme cases, when this issue is difficult for some objective reasons, and not because people do not want to sign, but want to live for their own pleasure and at the same time have some spiritual preferences.

— If relatives have an indifferent or negative attitude towards the Church, what is the best thing to do: call them to join them in the Sacrament, or not?

- This is one of those questions that allows both answers. There are advantages to both options. Indeed, people often want this Sacrament to be performed on them without witnesses - this is a personal, intimate agreement between them and God. The spouses themselves must decide what to do, based on what will be more convenient for them and what seems more expedient to them.

— What is the role of parents during a wedding?

— In both the Roman, Greek, and Jewish traditions, the most important element of a marriage was the moment when the bride’s father joins the hands of the couple and passes her hand to the groom’s hand. That is, parents transfer their child into the hands of his “other half.” This moment is in the ancient rites of weddings, it was preserved in Catholicism, but in our country, unfortunately, it was lost. However, because its gloss remains: when the priest, before the start of the betrothal ceremony, joins the hands of the newlyweds, covering them with the stole, and, holding hands, leads the bride and groom from the vestibule to the temple, and also when, already during the Sacrament, they all together go around the lectern three times in the center of the temple. Otherwise, during the Sacrament, parents are only witnesses and co-prayers for their children.

— How should spouses themselves prepare for a wedding?

— For church people, preparing for a wedding is no different from normal training to participate in the sacraments. Except that they should think carefully about whether they are ready to shoulder their spouse with all his infirmities, passions, and problems. Clearly understanding that you should not expect that your “half” in marriage will become much better than you know her now. And this is a certain boldness that a person dares to take before God Himself! A person must clearly understand What he takes over.

If he is ready to take on another, and in the worst case scenario that he knows about, then we can hope that this marriage will take place. And if he expects that all his spouse’s shortcomings will disappear somewhere, and everything that inspires and pleases him will be revealed even more... then, most likely, everything will be exactly the opposite.

- Tough. So we have to be realistic? And timidly hope that you both will become better?

— It’s timid to hope, yes, but you can’t count on it. Why in the minds of a Christian are marriage and monasticism practically identical things? In both cases, a person sacrifices himself to another. And there are no guarantees that this sacrifice will be accepted, understood, appreciated. All happy marriages went through a very difficult, difficult, painful path of “grinding” both spouses, grinding them together. And this is always associated with the maximum belittlement of one’s own interests, oneself, one’s wishes, one’s ideas about what should happen in marriage. This is a process of “growing into” each other.

Moreover, this is the “ingrowth” of organisms that are very different at all levels. Gilbert Chesterton owns a saying that has become an aphorism: by male standards, any woman is crazy, by feminine standards every man is a monster; a man and a woman are psychologically incompatible. And that's great! Because in this way they become an object of Christian activity for each other, borrow from each other the qualities they lack and share the best that is in themselves. The Apostle Paul wrote: Now your abundance is to make up for their lack; and then their excess to make up for your lack(2 Cor. 8 :14). And in such constant mutual giving and interpenetration, the integral organism of the Christian family is built, which really has the right to continue even after it disappears, falls away, everything connected with physiology becomes unnecessary. We know that in the Kingdom of Heaven there is no marriage as a union of the sexes, but unity remains... Finding themselves behind the tomb without a body, the spouses still maintain their unity! But we still need to grow to this point. Do many people grow up? This is the question.

Photo by Marina Alexandrova

Is it necessary to take communion before the wedding?

This is not strictly obligatory, but it is natural for a believer to confess and commune with Christ before the most important events in his life. And in the Ancient Church, communion was one of important parts weddings Some words preserved in ancient wedding rites (for example, the exclamation: “The Holy One, presanctified to the saints”), indicate that in the early Church, after communion of all members of the church community, the Holy Gifts were left in order to give communion to the newlyweds during their wedding.

What is the “Wedding Liturgy”?

This is a Liturgy, usually performed by a bishop, in the rite of which the wedding rite is included. It is performed, for example, in Balkan and Greek churches. Now wedding Liturgies are appearing in Russia. However, this is rather an innovation: there is no evidence that this had historical precedents before.

If people have different confessors, how can they choose the priest who will marry them?

A cathedral wedding is possible, when the Sacrament is performed by several priests at once. And this is a common practice. Among the clergy it is almost impossible to do otherwise.

How much does it cost to participate in the Sacrament?

No Sacrament can be assessed, and a wedding cannot have any price. However, after performing the services (that is, worship services at the request of the laity), it is customary to donate to the temple, according to the person’s strength and conscience. At the same time, you need to understand that a wedding is the most “resource-intensive” Sacrament: here, as a rule, you need at least a quartet of singers, or even a whole choir, who, of course, need to be paid for their work. It is best to ask church officials how donations are made. Some parishes may tell you their approximate amount, but payment of a certain amount can in no case be a necessary condition for the performance of the Sacrament.

Sacrament of marriage

“Marriage is a sacrament in which, with the bride and groom freely promising mutual marital fidelity before the priest and the Church, their marital union is blessed, in the image of the spiritual union of Christ with the Church, and they ask for the grace of pure unanimity for the blessed birth and Christian upbringing of children.”

(Orthodox Catechism)

“Marriage is a union of a man and a woman, an agreement for life, communion in Divine and human right” (The Helmsman, Chapter 48).

The All-Good God created man from the dust of the earth and, endowing him with the eternal breath of life, made him ruler over the earthly creation. According to His all-good plan, the Lord created his wife, Eve, from Adam’s rib, accompanying this with the secret words: “It is not good for man to be alone; Let us make him a helper suitable for him” (Gen. 2:18). And they remained in Eden until the Fall, when, having violated the commandment, seduced by the evil tempter, they were expelled from paradise. By the good judgment of the Creator, Eve became Adam’s companion on the difficult earthly path, and through her painful childbearing, the foremother of the human race. The first human couple, having received from God the promise of the Redeemer of mankind and the Destroyer of the head of the enemy (Gen. 3:15), was also the first keeper of the saving tradition, which then, in the descendants of Seth, passed on as a life-giving mysterious stream from generation to generation, indicating the expected coming Savior. It was the goal of God’s first covenant with people and, being foreshadowed in events and prophecies, was realized in the Incarnation of the Word Pre-Eternally Begotten by the Father from the Holy Spirit and the Most Blessed Ever-Virgin Mary, the New Eve, Who truly is “our generation’s proclamation” (Akathist to the Most Holy Theotokos).

Relationships between spouses in Christian Marriage

Marriage is enlightenment and, at the same time, a mystery. In it, a transformation of a person occurs, an expansion of his personality. A person gains new vision, a new sense of life, and is born into the world in a new fullness. Only in Marriage is it possible to fully know a person, to see another person. In Marriage, a person is immersed in life, entering it through another person. This knowledge and life gives that feeling of completeness and satisfaction that makes us richer and wiser.

This completeness deepens even more with the emergence of a third, their child, from two merged together. A perfect married couple will give birth to a perfect child, it will continue to develop according to the laws of perfection; but if there is an unconquered discord and contradiction between the parents, then the child will be the product of this contradiction and will continue it.

Through the sacrament of Marriage, grace is also granted for raising children, which Christian spouses only contribute to, as the Apostle Paul says: “Not I, however, but the grace of God, which is with me” (1 Cor. 15:10).

Guardian Angels, given to infants from Holy Baptism, secretly but tangibly assist parents in raising children, averting various dangers from them.

If in Marriage only an external union took place, and not a victory of each of the two over his own selfishness and pride, then this will also be reflected in the child and will entail his inevitable alienation from his parents - a split in the home Church.

But it is also impossible to forcibly restrain, instill, force to be the way the father and mother want it, the one who, having received a body from them, received from God the main thing - the one and only personality with his own path in life. Therefore, for raising children, the most important thing is that they see their parents living a true spiritual life and shining with love.

Human individualism and selfishness create special difficulties in Marriage. They can only be overcome through the efforts of both spouses. Both must build Marriage every day, fighting the vain daily passions that undermine its spiritual foundation - love. The festive joy of the first day should last a lifetime; every day should be a holiday, every day a husband and wife should be new to each other. The only way for this is to deepen everyone’s spiritual life, work on oneself, and walk before God. The worst thing in Marriage is the loss of love, and sometimes it disappears because of trifles, so all thoughts and efforts must be directed to preserving love and spirituality in the family - everything else will come by itself. This work must begin from the very first days of life together. It would seem that the simplest, but also the most difficult thing is the determination to take everyone’s place in Marriage: for the wife to humbly take second place, for the husband to take on the burden and responsibility of being the head. If you have this determination and desire, God will always help you on this difficult, martyr, but also blissful path. It is not for nothing that while walking around the lectern they sing “Holy Martyrs...”.

It is said about a woman - “a weak vessel.” This “weakness” consists mainly in the woman’s subjection to the natural elements within herself and outside of her. As a result of this - weak self-control, irresponsibility, passion, short-sightedness in judgments, words, and actions. Almost no woman is free from this; she is often a slave to her passions, her likes and dislikes, her desires.

Only in Christ does a woman become equal to a man, subordinate her temperament to higher principles, and acquire prudence, patience, the ability to reason, and wisdom. Only then is her friendship with her husband possible.

However, neither a man, nor especially a woman, has absolute power over each other in Marriage. Violence against the will of another, even in the name of love, kills love itself. It follows from this that one should not always humbly submit to such violence, since it poses a danger to what is most dear to us. Most unhappy marriages are precisely because each party considers itself the owner of the one it loves. Almost all family difficulties and discords come from here. The greatest wisdom of Christian Marriage is to give complete freedom to the one you love, for our earthly Marriage is a similarity to the heavenly marriage - of Christ and the Church - and there is complete freedom. The secret of happiness of Christian spouses lies in the joint fulfillment of the will of God, uniting their souls with each other and with Christ. The basis of this happiness is the desire for a higher, common object of love for them, which attracts everything to itself (John 12:32). Then all family life will be directed towards Him, and the union of those combined will be strengthened. And without love for the Savior, no connection is strong, for neither in mutual attraction, nor in common tastes, nor in common earthly interests, not only does a true and lasting connection lie, but, on the contrary, often all these values ​​suddenly begin to serve separation.

The Christian marriage union has the deepest spiritual foundation, which is not possessed either by physical communication, for the body is subject to illness and aging, or by the life of feelings, changeable by nature, or by community in the field of common worldly interests and activities, “for the image of this world passes away” (1 Cor. 7:31). The life path of a Christian married couple can be likened to the rotation of the Earth with its constant satellite, the Moon, around the Sun. Christ is the Sun of righteousness, warming His children and shining for them in the darkness.

“Glorious is the yoke of two believers,” says Tertullian, “who have the same hope, who live according to the same rules, who serve the One Lord. They pray together, fast together, mutually teach and exhort each other. Together they are in the Church, together at the Lord's Supper, together in sorrows and persecutions, in repentance and joy. They are pleasing to Christ, and He sends down His peace to them. And where there are two in His name, there is no place for any evil.”

Establishment of the Sacrament of Marriage and the history of the ritual

The marriage union of a man and a woman was established by the Creator Himself in paradise after the creation of the first people, whom the Lord created male and female and blessed with the words: “Be fruitful and multiply, and fill the earth and subdue it...” (Genesis 1:28). The Old Testament repeatedly expresses the view of Marriage as a matter blessed by God Himself.

Upon His coming to earth, the Lord Jesus Christ not only confirmed the inviolability of Marriage, noted in the Law (Lev. 20:10), but also elevated it to the level of a sacrament: “And the Pharisees came to Him, and, tempting Him, said to Him: in every way Is it permissible for a man to divorce his wife? He answered and said to them, Have you not read that He who created in the beginning made them male and female? And he said, “For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and the two will become one flesh, so they are no longer two, but one flesh.” Therefore, what God has joined together, let no man separate” (Matthew 19:3-6).

Having gone out into the world to His open service to the human race, He appeared with His Mother and disciples at the wedding feast in Cana of Galilee and performed the first miracle there, turning water into wine, and with His presence sanctified this and all marriage unions concluded by the faithful and those who love God and each other's spouses.

“God himself unites those sanctified by the sacrament and is present in their midst,” says Clement of Alexandria about the holiness of Marriage. “It is from You that a wife is matched to a husband,” says the prayer of the betrothal ceremony; “You, Lord, send down Your hand and unite.” The Lord sanctifies the combination of spouses in the sacrament of Marriage and preserves the incorruptible union of their souls and bodies in mutual love in the image of Christ and the Church.

Holy Christian virginity and the holy sacrament of Marriage are the two paths indicated to the faithful in the Word of God (Matthew 19:11-12; 1 Cor. 7:7,10). The Church has always blessed both of these paths and, as is known, condemned those who condemned both. Saint Ignatius the God-Bearer testified to these two paths of pious life already in the 1st century in his letter to Saint Polycarp of Smyrna:

“Inspire my sisters to love the Lord and be content with their spouses in the flesh and in the spirit; Likewise, advise my brothers, that in the name of Jesus Christ they should love their spouses, as the Lord loves the Church. And whoever can remain pure in honor of the Lord’s flesh, let him remain, but without vanity.” The Apostle Paul calls not to listen to false teachers who “prohibit marriage” who will appear in the last times. Until the end of time, marriages of Orthodox Christians will be celebrated for the glory of God and for the benefit of humanity, and blessed family life will still flourish, for the blessing that is asked for the entire Church is given to the small Church - the Christian family. “God of strength! turn, look down from heaven, and behold, and visit these grapes; guard what Your right hand has planted, and the branches that You have strengthened for Yourself” (Ps. 79:15-16).”

The marriage ceremony has its own ancient history. Even in the patriarchal period, Marriage was considered a special institution, but little is known about the marriage rituals of that time. From the story of Isaac's marriage to Rebekah, we know that he offered gifts to his bride, that Eleazar consulted with Rebekah's father regarding her marriage, and then a wedding feast was held. In later times in Israel's history, marriage ceremonies developed significantly. Adhering to patriarchal custom, the groom, in the presence of strangers, had to first of all offer the bride a gift, usually consisting of silver coins. Then we proceeded to the conclusion marriage contract, which determined the mutual obligations of the future husband and wife. At the end of these preliminary acts, a solemn blessing of the newlyweds followed. For this purpose, a special tent was set up in the open air: the groom came here, accompanied by several men, whom the Evangelist Luke calls “the sons of the bride,” and the Evangelist John - “friends of the groom.” The bride appeared accompanied by women. Here they were greeted with the greeting: “Blessed be everyone who comes here!” Then the bride was led three times around the groom and placed on his right side. The women covered the bride with a thick veil. Then everyone present turned to the east; the groom took the bride by the hands and they received ritual good wishes from the guests. The rabbi approached, covered the bride with a sacred veil, took a cup of wine in his hand and pronounced the formula for the marriage blessing. The bride and groom drank from this cup. After this the groom took Golden ring and he himself put it on the bride’s index finger, saying at the same time: “Remember that you were married to me according to the law of Moses and the Israelites.” Read further marriage contract in the presence of witnesses and a rabbi, who, holding another cup of wine in his hands, pronounced seven blessings. The newlyweds drank wine from this cup again. At the same time, the groom broke the first cup, which he had previously held in his hand, against the wall if the bride was a maiden, or against the ground if she was a widow. This ritual was supposed to remind of the destruction of Jerusalem. After this, the tent in which the marriage ceremony took place was removed and the wedding feast - the wedding - began. The feast lasted seven days in memory of the fact that Laban once forced Jacob to work in his house for seven years for Leah and seven years for Rachel. During this seven-day period, the groom had to hand over the dowry to the bride and thus fulfill the marriage contract.

When comparing the Jewish marriage rite with the Christian one, a number of similar points are striking, but the main thing is that in the Christian rite of Marriage there are constantly references to the Old Testament righteous men and prophets: Abraham and Sarah, Isaac and Rebecca, Jacob and Rachel, Moses and Zipporah. Apparently, the compiler of the Christian rite had before him the image of the Old Testament Marriage. Other influences to which the Christian faith was subjected in the process of formation marriage ceremony, has its origins in the Greco-Roman tradition.

In Christianity, Marriage has been blessed since apostolic times. Church writer of the 3rd century. Tertullian says: “How to depict the happiness of Marriage, approved by the Church, sanctified by her prayers, blessed by God!”

The marriage ceremony in ancient times was preceded by betrothal, which was a civil act and was performed in accordance with local customs and regulations, as far as, of course, this was possible for Christians. The betrothal took place solemnly in the presence of many witnesses who sealed the marriage contract. The latter was an official document that defined the property and legal relationships of the spouses. The betrothal was accompanied by the ritual of joining the hands of the bride and groom; in addition, the groom gave the bride a ring, which was made of iron, silver or gold - depending on the wealth of the groom. Clement, Bishop of Alexandria, in the second chapter of his “Pedagogue” says: “A man should give a woman a gold ring, not for her external adornment, but in order to put a seal on the household, which from then on is at her disposal and entrusted to her care.” .

The expression “put a seal” is explained by the fact that in those days a ring (ring), or rather a stone set into it with a carved emblem, simultaneously served as a seal that sealed property of this person and business papers were sealed. Christians carved seals on their rings with images of fish, anchors, birds and other Christian symbols. The wedding ring was usually worn on the fourth (ring) finger of the left hand. This has a basis in anatomy human body: one of the thinnest nerves of this finger is in direct contact with the heart, at least at the level of ideas of that time.

By the X-XI centuries. betrothal loses its civil significance, and this ceremony is performed in the temple, accompanying it with appropriate prayers. But for a long time, betrothal was performed separately from the wedding and was combined with the succession of Matins. The rite of betrothal received final uniformity only in the 17th century.

The rite of the wedding itself - the wedding in ancient times - was performed through prayer, blessing and laying on of hands by the bishop in the church during the liturgy. Evidence that marriage was introduced in ancient times into the rite of the liturgy is the presence of a number of coinciding components in both modern rites: the initial exclamation “Blessed is the Kingdom...”, the peaceful litany, the reading of the Apostle and the Gospel, the special litany, the exclamation “And grant Master of us...", the singing of "Our Father" and, finally, the communion of the cup. All these elements are obviously taken from the rite of the liturgy and are closest in structure to the rite of the liturgy of the Presanctified Gifts.

In the 4th century, wedding crowns came into use, placed on the heads of those getting married. In the West, they corresponded to marriage veils. At first these were wreaths of flowers, later they began to be made of metal, giving them the shape of a royal crown. They signify victory over the passions and remind us of the royal dignity of the first human couple - Adam and Eve - to whom the Lord gave possession of the entire earthly creation: “...and fill the earth, and rule it...” (Genesis 1:28) .

Despite the fact that already by the 13th century marriage was performed separately from the liturgy, these two sacraments were closely connected. Therefore, from ancient times to our time, the bride and groom who wish to be united in the sacrament of Marriage prepare themselves to receive grace by fasting and repentance, and on the wedding day they partake of the Holy Divine Mysteries together.

In some parishes of the southwestern dioceses, the betrothal is accompanied by an oath of fidelity, which the newlyweds give to each other. This rite is borrowed from the Western tradition and is not listed in the modern Orthodox Trebnik. However, given the deep rootedness of this custom in the minds of local parishioners, who consider it almost the most essential part of the marriage ceremony, caution should be exercised when excluding this oath from the ceremony. Moreover, it does not contain dogmatic contradictions with the Orthodox understanding of the sacrament of Marriage.

Place and time of the Sacrament of Marriage

In our time, a church marriage is deprived of civil legal force, so the wedding is performed, as a rule, on spouses who have previously registered their civil marriage in the registry office. The wedding takes place in the church in the presence of relatives and friends of the couple. There is no parental blessing for the wedding, provided that the newlyweds have reached marriageable age and are already in a civil marriage, this is not an obstacle to performing the sacrament. The ceremony can only be performed by a legally appointed priest who is not under canonical prohibition. It is not customary for the sacrament of Marriage to be performed by a clergyman who has taken monastic vows unless otherwise possible. , the priest can marry his son or daughter himself.

According to the canonical rules, it is not allowed to perform a wedding during all four fasts, during cheese week, Easter week, and during the period from the Nativity of Christ to Epiphany (Yuletide). According to pious custom, it is not customary to celebrate marriages on Saturday, as well as on the eve of the twelve, great and temple holidays, so that the pre-holiday evening does not pass in noisy fun and entertainment. In addition, in the Russian Orthodox Church, marriages are not celebrated on Tuesdays and Thursdays (on the eve of fast days - Wednesday and Friday), on the eve and on the days of the Beheading of John the Baptist (August 29) and the Exaltation of the Holy Cross (September 14). Exceptions to these rules can be made due to need only by the ruling bishop. The wedding is recommended to take place after the liturgy, during which the bride and groom receive Holy Communion.

Church-canonical obstacles to Marriage

The priest, before performing the wedding, should find out whether there are any church-canonical obstacles to concluding a church marriage between these persons. First of all, it should be noted that the Orthodox Church, although it considers civil marriage devoid of grace, actually recognizes it and does not at all consider it illegal fornication. However, the conditions for marriage established civil law and church canons, have significant differences, therefore not every civil marriage registered in the registry office can be consecrated in the sacrament of Marriage.

Thus, the fourth and fifth marriages allowed by civil law are not blessed by the Church. The Church does not allow marriage more than three times; it is prohibited for persons who are closely related to marry. The Church does not bless a marriage if one of the spouses (or both) declare themselves convinced atheists who came to church only at the insistence of one of the spouses or parents, if at least one of the spouses is not baptized and is not ready to be baptized before the wedding. All these circumstances are clarified when preparing documents for a wedding behind a church box, and, in the cases listed above, the church wedding is refused.

First of all, a marriage cannot be performed if one of the parties is actually married to another person. A civil marriage must be dissolved in in the prescribed manner, and if the previous marriage was church, then the bishop’s permission to dissolve it and blessing to enter into a new marriage is necessary.

An obstacle to marriage is also the blood relationship of the bride and groom, as well as spiritual kinship acquired through succession at baptism.

There are two types of kinship: consanguinity and “property”, i.e. kinship between relatives of two spouses. Consanguinity exists between persons who have a common ancestor: between parents and children, grandfather and granddaughter, between first and second cousins, uncles and nieces (first and second cousins), etc.

The property exists between persons who do not have a common sufficiently close ancestor, but become related through marriage. It is necessary to distinguish between the two-parent property, or two-blood, established through one marriage, and the three-parent, or three-blood property, which is established through the presence of two marriage unions. In a two-relative property there are relatives of the husband and relatives of the wife. In a tripartite property there are the relatives of the wife of one brother and the relatives of the wife of another brother, or the relatives of the first and second wives of one man.

In a two-parent property, when finding its degree, two cases must be taken into account: a) the property between one of the spouses and the blood relatives of the other, b) the property between the blood relatives of both spouses. In the first case, the relatives of one spouse are in relation to the other to the same extent as they would be if they were his own blood relatives, since husband and wife constitute one flesh in marriage, namely: father-in-law and mother-in-law are related to son-in-law in the first degree, like his own parents, only, of course, in a two-parent property; brothers and sisters of the wife (Shaurya and sisters-in-law) - in the second degree, like siblings, and also, of course, in a two-parent property, etc. The methods for calculating the degrees of property in this case are the same as in homogeneous kinship. In the second case, when the degree of property between the blood relatives of both spouses is sought, it is necessary to determine: a) to what extent the husband’s relative is related to him and b) to what extent the wife’s relative, in respect of whom the degree is determined, is distant from her; then the number of degrees of both sides is added up, and the resulting sum will show to what degree the husband's relative and the wife's relative are separated from each other. For example, there is one degree between a given person and his father-in-law; between a given person and his sister-in-law - two degrees, between a husband's brother and his wife's sister - four degrees, etc.

In a three-gender property, which comes from the union of three clans or surnames through marriage, the degrees of the inherent relationships are calculated in the same way as in a two-gender property, that is, they again add up to the total sum of the number of degrees in which these persons are separated from the main ones persons through whom they are connected to each other in kinship, and this total sum determines the degree of their mutual kinship relationship.

In the case of consanguinity, church marriage is unconditionally prohibited up to the fourth degree of kinship inclusive; in the case of a two-parent relationship, up to the third degree; in a three-degree relationship, marriage is not permitted if the parties are in the first degree of such relationship.

Spiritual kinship exists between a godfather and his godson and between a godmother and her goddaughter, as well as between the parents of the person adopted from the font and the recipient of the same sex as the person adopted (nepotism). Since, according to the canons, baptism requires one recipient of the same sex as the person being baptized, the second recipient is a tribute to tradition and, therefore, there are no canonical obstacles to concluding a Church Marriage between the recipients of the same baby. Strictly speaking, for the same reason, there is also no spiritual relationship between a godfather and his goddaughter and between a godmother and her godson. However, pious custom prohibits such marriages, therefore, in order to avoid temptation in this case, you should seek special instructions from the ruling bishop.

The bishop's permission is also required for the wedding of an Orthodox person with a person of another Christian faith (Catholic, Baptist). Of course, a marriage cannot be celebrated if at least one of the parties professes a non-Christian religion (Muslim, Judaism, Buddhism). However, a marriage concluded according to a heterodox rite, and even a non-Christian one, concluded before the spouses joined the Orthodox Church, can be considered valid at the request of the spouses, even if only one of the spouses has received Baptism. When both spouses, whose marriage was concluded according to a non-Christian rite, convert to Christianity, the sacrament of Marriage is not necessary, since the grace of Baptism sanctifies their marriage.

You cannot marry someone who has once bound himself to a monastic vow of virginity, as well as priests and deacons after their ordination.

As for the age of majority of the bride and groom, their mental and physical health, voluntary and free consent, since a civil marriage cannot be pre-registered without fulfilling these conditions, the Church, if there is a Marriage Certificate, is exempt from clarifying these circumstances.

On the dissolution of a church marriage

The right to recognize a Church Marriage as non-existent and to allow entry into a new Church Marriage belongs only to the bishop. Based on the submitted Certificate of Divorce from the Civil Registry Office, the diocesan bishop withdraws the previous blessing and gives permission to enter into a new Church Marriage, unless, of course, there are canonical obstacles to this. The diocesan administration does not conduct any inquiry into the motives for the divorce.

Engagement follow-up

At the end of the liturgy, the bride and groom stand in the vestibule of the church facing the altar; groom on the right, bride on the left. The priest in full vestments leaves the altar through the royal doors, holding a cross and the Gospel in his hands. A candle is brought out in front of the priest. He places the cross and the Gospel on a lectern standing in the middle of the temple.

During the liturgy, the rings with which the newlyweds will be engaged are located on the right side of the holy throne close to each other: on the left - gold, on the right - silver. The deacon, following the priest, carries them out on a special tray. The priest, approaching the newlyweds with two lit candles, blesses them three times with a priestly blessing and hands them the candles.

Light is a sign of joy, fire gives warmth, therefore lit candles show the joy of the meeting of two loving people. At the same time, it is a symbol of their purity and chastity. They also remind us that a person’s life is not closed, not separated, it takes place in the society of people, and everything that happens to a person, light or dark, warm or cold, resonates in the souls of the people around him. If discord and division are overcome, if these two exude the light of love, then, leaving the temple, they will no longer be two, but one being.

“For everyone who does evil hates the light and does not come to the light, lest his deeds be exposed, because they are evil. But the one who believes in righteousness comes to the light, so that his deeds may be revealed, because they were done in God” (John 3:20-21).

Candles are not given if both spouses enter into Marriage for the second (third) time, recalling the Gospel parable, which says that virgins (i.e., virgins) came out to meet the Groom with lighted lamps (Matt. 25:1). Candles must burn throughout the entire celebration of the Sacrament of Marriage, so they must be large enough.

The priest leads the bride and groom inside the temple where the betrothal will take place. The ritual begins with incense before the wedding couple and prayer in imitation of the pious Tobiah), who set fire to the liver and heart of a fish in order to drive away with smoke and prayer a demon hostile to honest marriages (Tov. 8:2). After this, the Church’s prayers for the newlyweds begin.

Following the usual beginning: “Blessed is our God...” the Great Litany is pronounced, which contains petitions for the salvation of those getting married; about giving them children to continue the family line; about sending them perfect, peaceful love and help; about preserving them in unanimity and firm faith; about blessing them into an immaculate life: “For the Lord our God will grant them an honest marriage and an undefiled bed, let us pray to the Lord...”

Then two short prayers are read, in which praise is given to God, who unites the divided and established unions of love, and a blessing is asked for the newly brided. The blessed Marriage of Isaac and Rebekah is remembered as an example of virginity and purity and the fulfillment of God's promise in their offspring. The Bride is likened from time immemorial to the pure Virgin who was pre-betrothed - the Church of Christ.

The priest, first taking the golden ring, says three times:

“The servant of God (name) is engaged to the servant of God (name).” Each time he pronounces these words, he makes the sign of the cross over the groom’s head and puts a ring on the fourth (ring) finger of his right hand. Then he takes silver ring and says, marking the bride’s head with a cross, three times:

“The servant of God (name) becomes engaged to the servant of God (name),” and puts a ring on her also on the fourth finger of her right hand.

The golden ring symbolizes with its brilliance the sun, to the light of which the husband in a marriage is likened; silver - a semblance of the moon, a smaller luminary, shining with reflected sunlight. The ring is a sign of the eternity and continuity of the marriage union, for the grace of the Holy Spirit is continuous and eternal.

Then, as a sign of giving themselves for life to each other, and to the Lord of both in an inseparable manner, as a sign of unanimity, consent and mutual assistance in the upcoming marriage, the bride and groom exchange rings three times with the participation of a friend of the groom or a priest. After the triple change of rings, the silver one remains with the groom, and the gold one with the bride, as a sign that a masculine spirit is transmitted to feminine weakness.

The priest says a prayer asking for blessing and affirmation for the betrothed. I am reminded of the miraculous sign of “water-bearing” given to the servant of the patriarch Abraham when he was sent to find a bride for Isaac; this honor was reserved only for that one and only virgin, Rebekah, who gave the messenger water to drink. The priest asks to bless the position of the rings with a heavenly blessing, in accordance with the power that Joseph received through the ring in Egypt, Daniel became famous in the country of Babylon, and the truth appeared to Tamar. I remember the parable of the Lord about the prodigal son, who repented and returned to his father’s house, “And the father said to his servants: bring best clothes and clothe him, and put a ring on his hand...” (Luke 15:22).

“And the right hand of Thy servant shall be blessed by Thy mighty word and by Thy mighty arm,” the prayer continues. It is no coincidence that the wedding ring is placed on the finger of the right hand, for with this hand we take a vow of fidelity, make the sign of the cross, bless, greet, hold a tool and a sword in a righteous battle.

It is common for people to make mistakes, to stray from the true path, and without the help of God and His guidance these two cannot reach weak people to the goal - the Kingdom of Heaven. Therefore the priest asks: “And let Your angel go before them all the days of their lives.”

The betrothal sequence ends with a short litany with the addition of a petition for the betrothed.

Note: 1) Rings can be made from one metal - gold, silver; and have decorations from precious stones. 2) The dismissal specified in the Trebnik is not pronounced at the end of the betrothal ceremony, since the betrothal is followed by the wedding. 3) The priest should be especially careful when changing rings so as not to drop them on the floor, since the man’s finger is much thicker than the woman’s and therefore the bride’s ring is difficult to hold on the finger. Unfortunately, there is a superstition among people that a ring falling during an engagement means the breakup of a marriage or the death of one of the spouses. If such an incident occurred, and the priest noticed anxiety among those present, one should, in his parting words, point out the absurdity of this sign, like all superstitions in general.

Wedding sequence

The bride and groom, holding lighted candles in their hands, depicting the spiritual light of the sacrament, solemnly enter the middle of the temple. They are preceded by a priest with a censer, indicating that on the path of life they must follow the commandments of the Lord, and their good deeds will ascend to God like incense. The choir greets them with the singing of Psalm 127, in which the prophet-psalmist David glorifies the marriage blessed by God; before each verse the choir sings: “Glory to Thee, our God, glory to Thee.”

The bride and groom stand on a cloth (white or pink) spread out on the floor in front of a lectern on which the Cross, Gospel and crowns lie. After this, according to the Trebnik, a sermon is supposed to be delivered. However, in order not to break the ritual sequence, it can be said before the betrothal or at the end of the wedding, in addition, the meaning of the main points of the sacrament being performed can be briefly explained.

Next, the bride and groom are invited, in front of the entire Church, to once again confirm their free and spontaneous desire to get married and the absence in the past of each of them of a promise to a third party to marry him. It is best to say these questions in Russian or the native language of those getting married, for example, in this form:

Answer: “I have, honest father.”

“Are you bound by a promise to another bride?”

Answer: “No, not connected.”

Then, turning to the bride, the priest asks:

“Do you have a sincere and spontaneous desire and firm intention to be the wife of this (name of the groom) whom you see in front of you?”

Answer: “I have, honest father.”

“Aren’t you bound by a promise to another groom?”

Answer: “No, not connected.”

These questions relate not only to the formal promise to marry some third party, but mainly imply: whether each of the parties to be married has entered into an illegal relationship or dependence that in one way or another obliges him in relation to this person.

So, the bride and groom confirmed before God and the Church the voluntariness and inviolability of their intention to enter into marriage. This expression of will in a non-Christian marriage is a decisive principle. In a Christian marriage, it is the main condition for a natural (according to the flesh) Marriage, a condition after which it must be considered concluded. For this reason, when non-Christians convert to Orthodoxy, their marriages are recognized as valid (provided that such a marriage does not contradict Christian law, in other words, polygamy, polyandry and marriages between close relatives are rejected).

Now only after the conclusion of this natural marriage, the mysterious consecration of the marriage by Divine grace begins - the rite of wedding. The wedding begins with the liturgical exclamation: “Blessed is the Kingdom...”, which proclaims the participation of the couple in the Kingdom of God.

After a brief litany about the mental and physical well-being of the bride and groom, the priest says three lengthy prayers: “Most Pure God, and Creator of all creation...”, “Blessed art thou, O Lord our God...” and “Holy God, created from the dust person..."

One remembers the mysterious creation of a woman from Adam’s rib and the first marriage blessing in paradise, which later extended to Abraham and other patriarchs and forefathers of Christ according to the flesh. The priest prays for the Savior Himself incarnate of the Virgin, who blessed the Marriage in Cana of Galilee, to bless His combined servants, like Abraham and Sarah, Isaac and Rebekah, Jacob and Rachel and all the patriarchs, and Moses, as the parents of the Blessed Virgin, Joachim and Anna, and the parents of the Forerunner , Zechariah and Elizabeth. He prays to the Lord to preserve them like Noah in the ark, and Jonah in the belly of the whale, the three youths in the Babylonian furnace, and to give them the joy that Queen Helen had when she found the Honorable Cross. He prays for the remembrance of the parents who raised them, “because of the prayers of the parents, they establish the foundation of houses,” and, together with childbearing, to grant to those who are married unanimity of souls and bodies, longevity, chastity, mutual love and the union of peace, grace in children, an abundance of earthly blessings and an unfading crown for life. heaven.

Now comes the main moment of the sacrament. The priest, taking the crown, marks the groom with a cross and gives him to kiss the image of the Savior attached to the front of the crown. The Trebnik does not indicate that this action should be performed once or three times, so in some places it is performed three times, in others - once each on the bride and groom.

Crowning the groom, the priest says:

“The servant of God (name) is married to the servant of God (name) in the name of the Father, and the Son, and the Holy Spirit.”

Having blessed the bride in the same way and allowing her to venerate the image of the Most Holy Theotokos that adorns her crown, the priest crowns her, saying:

“The servant of God (name) is married to the servant of God (name) in the name of the Father, and the Son, and the Holy Spirit.”

Then the priest pronounces the mystical words three times, and with each utterance blesses both with a priestly blessing:

“Lord our God, crown (them) with glory and honor.” First of all, with these words and the crowning of their heads, the honor and glory of man as the king of creation is proclaimed. Every Christian family is, of course, a small church. Now the path to the Kingdom of God is open to her. This opportunity may be lost, but now, here it is. For the rest of their lives, long and arduous, full of temptations, they become for each other in a very real sense - king and queen - this is the highest meaning of the crowns on their heads.

This crown also expresses the honor and glory of the martyr's crowns. For the path to the Kingdom of God is the testimony of Christ, which means crucifixion and suffering. A marriage that does not constantly crucify its own selfishness and self-sufficiency, that does not “die to itself” in order to point to the One who is above all earthly things, cannot be called Christian. In marriage, God's presence gives joyful hope that the marriage vow will not last until “death do us part,” but until death unites us completely, after the general Resurrection - in the Kingdom of Heaven.

This is where the third and final meaning of crowns comes from: they are the crowns of the Kingdom of God. “Take their crowns in Thy Kingdom,” says the priest, removing them from the heads of the bride and groom, and this means: increase this marriage in that perfect love, the only completion and completeness of which is God.

After pronouncing the secret-fulfilling formula, the prokeimenon is pronounced: “Thou didst put crowns on their heads, from honest stones, asking for life from Thee, and thou didst give them.” And the verse: “As you have given them blessings forever and ever, make me glad with joy in Your face.”

Then the 230th conception is read from the letter of the Holy Apostle Paul to the Ephesians (5, 20-33), where the marriage union is likened to the union of Christ and the Church, for which the Savior who loved her gave Himself. The love of a husband for his wife is a similarity to the love of Christ for the Church, and the lovingly humble submission of a wife to her husband is a similarity to the relationship of the Church to Christ. This is mutual love to the point of self-sacrifice, a willingness to sacrifice oneself in the image of Christ, who gave Himself to be crucified for sinful people, and in the image of His true followers, who confirmed their loyalty and love for the Lord through suffering and martyrdom.

The last saying of the Apostle: “But let the wife fear her husband” - calls not for the fear of the weak before the strong, not for the fear of a slave in relation to the master, but for the fear of making him sad loving person, disrupt the unity of souls and bodies. The same fear of losing love, and therefore the presence of God, in family life The husband whose head is Christ must also test. In another letter, the Apostle Paul says: “The wife has no authority over her own body, but the husband does; Likewise, the husband has no power over his body, but the wife does.

Do not deviate from each other, except by agreement, for a while, to practice fasting and prayer, and then be together again, so that Satan does not tempt you with your intemperance” (1 Cor. 7:4-5). Husband and wife are members of the Church and, being parts of the fullness of the Church, are equal to each other, obeying the Lord Jesus Christ.

After the Apostle, the Gospel of John is read (2:1-11). It proclaims God's blessing of the marital union and its sanctification. The miracle of the Savior turning water into wine prefigured the action of the grace of the sacrament, by which earthly marital love is elevated to heavenly love, uniting souls in the Lord. St. speaks about the moral change necessary for this. Andrew of Crete: “Marriage is honorable and the bed is undefiled, for Christ blessed them in Cana at the Marriage, eating food in the flesh and turning water into wine, showing this first miracle so that you, the soul, would change” (Great Canon in Russian translation, troparion 4 according to song 9).

The Savior, present at the Marriage in Cana, exalted the marital union in accordance with His View of the human race. When the first wine became scarce, another wine was given, miraculously created from water. So in a natural marriage union, the relationship of the spouses, not being sinful by nature, but nevertheless devoid of grace, is transformed into grace-filled, sanctified by the sacrament, approaching the great Prototype - the union of Christ and the Church.

“They have no wine,” said the Most Pure Mother, turning to Her Son. In the response that followed, Christ expressed that the hour He and She desired had not yet arrived: the time of victory of the spirit over the flesh. But this longed-for mysterious moment in the life of Christian spouses comes by the mercy of the God-Man who was called to Marriage and sanctified it, according to the fulfillment of His commands. “Whatever He tells you, do it” (John 2:5), the Mother of God called on those present. Only then will the insufficiency and defectiveness of natural marriage be filled, and earthly feelings will miraculously be transformed into spiritual, grace-filled ones, uniting husband and wife and the entire Church in the One Lord. According to Bishop Theophan the Recluse, in a truly Christian Marriage “love is purified, elevated, strengthened, spiritualized. To help human weakness, the grace of God gives strength to the gradual achievement of such an ideal union.”

After reading the Gospel, on behalf of the Church, a short petition is pronounced for the newlyweds and the prayer of the priest, “Lord our God, in salvation...”, in which he asks the Lord for peace and unanimity, purity and integrity throughout his long life and the achievement of a venerable old age. doing Your commandments with a pure heart.” Then follows the Litany of Petition.

The priest proclaims: “And grant us, O Master, with boldness and without condemnation to call upon You, Heavenly God the Father, and say...”, and the newlyweds, together with all those present, sing the prayer “Our Father,” the foundation and crown of all prayers, commanded to us by Himself Savior. In the mouths of those getting married, she expresses her determination to serve the Lord with her small church so that through them on earth His will is fulfilled and reigns in their family life. As a sign of submission and devotion to the Lord, they bow their heads under the crowns.

A common cup of wine is brought, over which the priest reads a prayer: “God, who created everything with Your strength, and established the Universe, and the beautiful crown of all those created by You, and give this common cup to those who are united in the communion of Marriage, bless with spiritual blessing.” Having made the sign of the cross over the cup, he gives it to the bride and groom. The newlyweds alternately (first the groom, and then the bride) drink wine in three doses, already united into one person before the Lord. A common cup is a common destiny with common joys, sorrows and consolations and a common joy in the Lord.

In the past it was the common Eucharistic cup, participation in the Eucharist, which sealed the fulfillment of Marriage in Christ. Christ must be the very essence of life together. He is the wine of the new life of the children of God, and partaking of the common cup foreshadows that, as we grow old in this world, we all become younger for a life that knows no evening.

Having presented the common cup, the priest connects the right hand of the husband with the right hand of the wife and, covering the joined hands with the stole, and on top of it with his own hand, circles the newlyweds three times around the lectern. At the first circumambulation, the troparion “Isan, rejoice...” is sung, in which the mystery of the incarnation of the Son of God Emmanuel from the Unartificed Mary is glorified.

During the second circumambulation, the troparion “To the Holy Martyr” is sung. Crowned with crowns, as conquerors of earthly passions, they show the image of the spiritual Marriage of a believing soul with the Lord.

Finally, in the third troparion, which is sung during the last circumambulation of the lectern, Christ is glorified as the joy and glory of the newlyweds, their hope in all circumstances of life: “Glory to Thee, Christ God, praise to the apostles, joy to the martyrs, their preaching, Trinity of the Consubstantial.”

As in the rite of Baptism, this circular walk signifies the eternal procession that began on this day for this couple. Their marriage will be an eternal procession hand in hand, a continuation and manifestation of the sacrament performed today. Remembering the common cross laid upon them today, “bearing each other’s burdens,” they will always be filled with the gracious joy of this day.

At the end of the solemn procession, the priest removes the crowns from the spouses, greeting them with words filled with patriarchal simplicity and therefore especially solemn:

“Be magnified, O woman, like Abraham, and be blessed like Isaac, and be multiplied like Jacob, walk in peace, and do in righteousness the commandments of God.”

“And you, bride, are exalted like Sarah, and you are rejoiced like Rebecca, and you are multiplied like Rachel, rejoicing over your husband, keeping the limits of the law, for God is so pleased.”

Then, in the two subsequent prayers “God, our God” and “Father, and Son, and Holy Spirit,” the priest asks the Lord, who blessed the Marriage in Cana of Galilee, to accept the crowns of the newlyweds undefiled and immaculate in His Kingdom. In the second prayer, read by the priest, standing facing them, with the newlyweds bowing their heads, these petitions are sealed with the name of the Most Holy Trinity and the priestly blessing. At the end of it, the newlyweds testify to their holy and pure love for each other with a chaste kiss.

Leave is given according to the Trebnik. It commemorates Equal-to-the-Apostles Constantine and Helen - the first earthly kings, spreaders of Orthodoxy, and the holy martyr Procopius, who taught twelve wives to go to martyrdom as to a wedding feast.

Further, according to custom, the newlyweds are brought to the royal doors: where the groom kisses the icon of the Savior, and the bride - the image of the Mother of God, then they change places and kiss respectively - the groom to the icon of the Mother of God, and the bride - the Savior. Here the priest gives them a Cross to kiss and hands them two icons: the groom - the image of the Savior, the bride - the Most Holy Theotokos. The relatives of the newlyweds usually bring these icons from home or purchase them in the church as a parental blessing. Then the newlyweds are usually proclaimed many years of age, they leave the solea, and everyone present congratulates them.

In the Trebnik, after the dismissal, there follows “Prayer for the permission of the crowns, on the final day.” In ancient times, just as newly baptized people wore white robes for seven days and on the eighth day they folded them with the appropriate prayer, so newlyweds wore crowns for seven days after the wedding and on the eighth day they folded them with the prayer of the priest. In ancient times, crowns were not metal and not of the same type as they are now. These were simple wreaths of myrtle or olive leaves, which are still used in the Greek Church. In Russia, they were replaced in ancient times, first by wood, and later by metal. In this regard, the prayer for the permission of crowns is now read after the prayer “Father, Son and Holy Spirit...”. This brief sequence should not be omitted.

The release in it deserves special attention, where it says:

“Thy servants, who have reached their consent, O Lord, and who have followed the Galilean Marriage in Cana, and who have hidden the signs in it, send glory to You, to the Father, and to the Son, and to the Holy Spirit, now and ever and unto ages of ages, Amen.” The newlyweds are reminded here on behalf of the Church that the sign of the miracle of Christ in Cana of Galilee is the most life-giving and precious thing in the marriage union, and therefore it should be kept hidden in the depths of the soul, so that this treasure is not stolen or desecrated by the vanity and passions of this world.

Frankly, it's hard to know where to start because this topic has many ramifications. I might begin by mentioning how other churches view this issue. In the Catholic Church, for example, artificial birth control is prohibited under all circumstances. This is because, according to the official teaching of the Catholic Church, the primary cause and function of marriage is children; thus, procreation is the main reason for sexual intercourse. This doctrine is rooted in the Augustinian tradition, which regards sexual intercourse, even intramarital, as something inherently sinful, and therefore procreation is presented as a necessary justification for marriage, because serves to fulfill God's command to be fruitful and multiply. In Old Testament times there was indeed a legitimate concern for the preservation of the human race. Today, this argument is unconvincing and therefore many Catholics feel entitled to ignore it.

Protestants, on the other hand, have never developed a clear doctrine about marriage and sex. Nowhere in the Bible does the Bible specifically mention birth control, so when birth control and other reproductive technologies were introduced in the early 1960s, they were hailed by Protestants as milestones in human progress. Very quickly, sex guides proliferated, developed on the basis that God gave man sexuality for his pleasure. The main purpose of marriage became not procreation, but entertainment - an approach that only strengthened the Protestant teaching that God wants to see a person satisfied and happy, in other words - sexually satisfied. Even abortion has become acceptable. It wasn't until the mid-1970s, when the debate around Roe v. Wade and it became increasingly clear that abortion was murder, evangelical Protestants began to rethink their positions. In the late 1970s they joined the pro-life cause, where they remain at the forefront to this day. It was the issue of abortion that made them realize that human life must be protected from the very moment of conception, and that contraception through various abortion-inducing means is unacceptable. Meanwhile, liberal Protestant churches remain pro-abortion and place no restrictions on birth control.

It is very important for us to be aware of the teachings of these other churches in the area of ​​sexuality because... they may involuntarily reflect on our own views. Moreover, we must be aware of the obsessive influence of the so-called existing in our society. sexual revolution, due to the easy availability of contraceptives. The cheeky views she encouraged persist to this day. Given our culture's obsession with sex and sexual gratification, it is important that we clearly understand our Church's teaching in this area. This teaching is based on Scripture, on the canons of various ecumenical and local councils, on the writings and interpretations of various Holy Fathers of the Church, who do not at all pass over this issue in silence, but write about it very openly and in detail; and finally, this teaching is reflected in the lives of many saints (the parents of St. Sergius of Radonezh come to mind).

The specific issue of birth control is not easily accessible; it cannot be looked up in any alphabetical index or index. However, it can be deduced from the very clear teaching of the Church on abortion, on marriage, on asceticism. Before delving into this subject, it should be noted that the Orthodox Church is not as rigidly dogmatic as the Catholic Church, and that for Orthodoxy this issue is primarily a pastoral one, in which many considerations may come into play. However, freedom should not be used for abuse, and it would be very useful for us to keep before our eyes the original standard that was given to us by the Church.

With all this in mind, let's look at what exactly is the Church's teaching on birth control?

The practice of artificial control of fertilization – i.e. pills and other contraceptives are, in fact, strictly condemned by the Orthodox Church. The Greek Church, for example, issued a special encyclical in 1937 specifically for this purpose - to condemn birth control. In the same way, the other two Churches - the Russian and the Romanian - often spoke out against this practice in former times. It is only in modern times, only among the post-World War II generation, that some local churches (such as the Greek Archdiocese in America) began to teach that birth control may be acceptable in some cases, as long as the issue has been discussed in advance with the priest and his permission has been obtained.

The teaching of the Orthodox churches should not, however, be identified with the teaching that we see in the Catholic Church. The Roman Church has always taught and continues to teach that the main function of marriage is procreation. This position does not correspond to the teachings of the Orthodox Church. Orthodoxy, on the contrary, puts first the spiritual goal of marriage - the mutual salvation of husband and wife. Each must help the other and encourage the other to save his soul. Each exists for the other as a comrade, assistant, friend. And already in second place are children as a natural result of marriage, and until recently they were the expected and highly desirable result of marriage. Children were seen as the fruit of the marriage union, as proof that husband and wife had become one flesh, and therefore children were always considered a great blessing to marriage.

Nowadays, of course, our society considers children more of a nuisance than a blessing, and many couples wait a year, two, three or more before having children. Some decide not to even have children at all. So, although in the Orthodox Church procreation is not the main purpose of marriage, the intention of many newlyweds to wait to have children is considered sinful. As a priest, I must tell all couples who come to me to get married that if they are not ready and do not agree to conceive and have a child without violating the will of God by using artificial contraceptives, then they are not ready to get married. If they are not ready to accept the natural and blessed fruit of their union - i.e. child - then it is clear that their main purpose for the wedding is legalized fornication. Today this is a very serious problem, perhaps the most serious and most difficult that a priest must deal with when talking to a young couple.

I use the term “artificial” birth control because I must point out that the Church allows the use of some natural methods to avoid conception, but these methods cannot be used without the knowledge and blessing of the priest, and only if the physical and moral well-being of the family requires it. Under the right circumstances, these methods are acceptable to the Church and can be used by spouses without burdening their conscience, because they are “ascetic” methods, i.e. consist of self-denial and self-control. There are three such ways:

1. Complete abstinence. Contrary to expectation, this phenomenon is quite common in very pious families, both in the past and in the present. It often happens that after an Orthodox husband and wife have produced a number of children, they agree to abstain from each other, both for spiritual and temporal reasons, spending the rest of their days in peace and harmony as brother and sister. This phenomenon occurred in the lives of saints - in this regard, the life of St. right John of Kronstadt. As a Church that greatly loves and defends the monastic life, we Orthodox are not afraid of celibacy, and we do not preach any foolish ideas that we will not be satisfied or happy if we stop having sex with our spouses.

2. Limiting sexual intercourse. This already happens naturally among Orthodox couples who sincerely try to observe all fasting days and all fasts throughout the year.

3. And finally, the Church allows the use of the so-called. the “rhythm” method, about which there is a lot of information today.

In the old days, when poor parents knew nothing about contraception, they relied solely on the will of God - and this should be a living example to all of us today. Children were born and accepted in the same way - the last as the first, and the parents said: “God gave us a child, He will give us everything we need for a child.” Their faith was so strong that the last child was often the greatest blessing.

What about family size? One thing that has a huge impact on our view of this issue is the fact that over the last hundred years we have gone from being a predominantly agricultural society to a predominantly urban, industrial society. This means that while in earlier times large families were actually needed to take care of farms or homesteads - where there was always enough food and work for everyone - today we have the opposite problem, and it can sometimes be very difficult to maintain big family, although there are people who cope with this. From a strictly spiritual point of view, a large family is good so that the family is strong, durable and full of love, and so that all its members bear each other's burdens in life together. A large family teaches children to care about others, makes them more warm-hearted, etc. And although a small family can provide each child with a large amount of worldly goods, it cannot in any way guarantee a good upbringing. Only children are often the most difficult because... They often grow up spoiled and self-centered. So no general rule, but we must expect and be ready to accept as many children as God sends us and as moral and physical state the health of the mother and the entire family as a whole, always remaining in close contact with your priest on this matter.

However, we must be careful not to put too much emphasis on this whole issue of childbearing, number of children, etc. St. John Chrysostom says: “Procreation is a natural matter. Much more important is the task of parents to educate the hearts of their children in virtue and piety.” This position brings us back to what should be put in first place, i.e. to positive qualities rather than negative ideas about birth control, family size, etc. After all, the Church wants us to understand and remember that the children we bring into the world belong not to us, but to God. We did not give them life; on the contrary, it was God, using us as an instrument, who brought them into being. We parents are, in a sense, only nannies of God's children. Thus, our greatest responsibility as parents is to raise our children “in God” to know, love, and serve their Heavenly Father.

The main goal of our earthly life is eternal salvation. This is a goal that requires constant achievement, because... It's not easy being a Christian. The influence of our modern society makes our task very difficult. Our parish church and our home are the only bastions where we can praise God in spirit and truth

However, our lives, our marriages and our homes will be like the first low-grade wine served at the wedding in Cana of Galilee if we do not try to become mature men and women, mature husbands and wives, mature Orthodox Christians, ready to accept all the responsibilities of the everyday position in which we are placed. And only after we take the trouble to prepare ourselves personally and our families and homes to receive Christ will our lives, our marriages and our homes become the good wine that Christ turned from water at that joyful feast. Amen.

IN last decades In connection with the aggravated demographic crisis in wide circles of the public, heated debates have unfolded over what the institution of the family should be, what its problems and prospects are. One of the most active participants in this dialogue is the Russian Orthodox Church, which represents the religious vision of the modern problem of family and marriage. Throughout history, the Orthodox Church has known two main types of human Christian life: monasticism and marriage. Traditional Orthodox theology gives the greatest preference to monasticism.

In his opinion, monasticism serves as a vivid exponent of the evangelical spirit of life. It is “a completely complete, integral type of Christian life.” The basis of monastic life is the Christian thought about the complete dedication of a person to God and the need for high spiritual sacrifice in order to join a higher, perfect way of life. Unlike the life of an ordinary Christian, the goal of which is to achieve salvation for " eternal life“from an eschatological perspective, “the goal of monastic life is not only to achieve salvation, but primarily to achieve Christian perfection.”

Achieving Christian perfection is associated with ascetic feat - certain spiritual efforts and sacrificial restriction from earthly goods and conditions that can distract a person from the sphere of transcendental existence. A less gracious, but righteous type of Christian life is marriage. According to Orthodox theology, “Marriage is a sacrament in which, with the bride and groom freely promising their mutual marital fidelity before the priest and the church, their marital union is blessed in the image of the spiritual union of Christ with the church and they ask for the grace of pure unanimity, for a blessed birth and Christian raising children."

Orthodox theology says that the marriage union of a man and a woman was established by the Creator in paradise. After the creation of the first people, God blessed their union with the words: “Be fruitful and multiply, and fill the earth, and subdue it...” (Gen. 1:28). At the same time, the marriage union is considered not only as a physical one, but, first of all, as a spiritual one: a union of two souls, constituting, as it were, one soul, one life, one being.” The conjugal union has two purposes:

1. The completeness of a person’s spiritual and material life. “So that, living in a close and indissoluble union, spouses work more successfully for their spiritual improvement, happiness on earth and salvation in heaven.” 2. The birth and Christian upbringing of children “for the increase of the kingdom of God, i.e. society of those who believe in Christ and are saved through Him." Orthodox theology attaches sacred significance to the union of a man and a woman, elevating it to the rank of a sacrament. Marriage as a sacrament is understood in a broad and narrow sense. In a broad sense, the sacrament refers to the very union of a man and a woman.

According to Bishop Hilarion of Vienna and Austria: “Marriage as a sacrament is when two people are united with each other so completely, deeply and inseparably that they cannot imagine life without each other, when they take a vow of fidelity to each other not only on earth, but and for all subsequent eternity." In a narrow sense, the sacrament of marriage is understood as church ceremony wedding of newlyweds. It is believed that this ritual begins the life of the spouses together. The condition of marriage as a sacrament is: - Free choice of a spouse. - Mutual love. - Blessing of parents. If a marriage does not conform to established Christian standards, it is considered as cohabitation. “Marriage as cohabitation means that at some point fate brought two people together, but between them there is no community, that unity that is necessary for marriage to become a sacrament. Two people live - and each has their own life, their own interests.

They would have divorced long ago, but life circumstances force them to stay together.” The Church says that such a marriage does not have the qualities that a Christian marriage should have. At the same time, a marriage that began as cohabitation can acquire a new quality and become a mysterious marriage, “if the spouses perceive marriage as an opportunity to grow into a new unity, enter another dimension, overcome their selfishness and isolation.” Considering the union of a man and a woman as a sacrament, Orthodox theology speaks of the indissolubility of marriage. According to priest A. Rozhdestvensky, “The indissolubility of marriage, indicated by God, should show people that their marriage union cannot be limited to one feeling and the random rapprochement of the sexes, in the likeness of the rapprochement of irrational animals, but must be based on the moral communication of people in the unity of love and mutual assistance to achieve the highest goals of life." The well-being of a Christian family is based on strict hierarchy.

Orthodox theology says that, having created man as bisexual, the Creator laid into his nature not only physiological, but also spiritual and moral differences between the sexes: the husband is the head and leader for his wife and children; the wife is an equal assistant to her husband. Any violation of this moral algorithm of human behavior, inherent in human nature, inevitably leads to gender conflict and destruction of the harmony of the marriage union. The Holy Scriptures repeatedly speak of the strict hierarchical structure of the family: “The head of every man is Christ; and the head of the wife is the husband” (1 Cor. 11:3); “Husbands, love your wives and be harsh with them” (Col. 3:19); “Wives, submit to your husbands as to the Lord... just as the Church submits to Christ, so do wives to their husbands in everything” (Eph. 5:22, 24), etc. Orthodox theology claims that true hierarchy is necessarily based on mutual love and no This does not constitute violence against the will of the other spouse. Just as the Church, free by its nature, freely follows the divine will out of love for God, so a spouse, free by nature, lovingly leads or fulfills the will of the other spouse. By assigning a dominant position to a man in the hierarchical structure of the family, Orthodox theology likens the family organization to a “small” or “domestic church” (Rom. 16:4; 1 Cor. 16:19; Col. 4:15), called upon by its existence to increase the harmony of the world established by God.

The ideal model of family and marriage existing in the church consciousness, in practice, was systematically deformed by the conditions of socio-economic and cultural reality. More or less, it retained its Christian significance only under the condition of a patriarchal way of life. But in the conditions of bourgeois society, the spiritual basis of the family began to be subject to “moral ailments.” Stating this fact, the famous Orthodox missionary, Metropolitan Macarius (M.A. Nevsky) said: “What about family life? How far she is from Christian principles: love, respect, obedience, marital fidelity! Do we have many so-called happy marriages? How many spouses have separated due to infidelity to one another or due to obstinacy of character! How many extramarital cohabitations that have not received church blessing!” . Socialist society also did not contribute to strengthening the institution of family.

Having officially proclaimed the family as a “unit” of socialist society, the dominant political system finally destroyed the hierarchical structure of the family and deprived it of religious, spiritual and moral content. Having received equal economic and political rights with men, women were necessarily included in the system of socio-economic relations. In this situation, only a few families could remain with many children. The psychology of family members has also changed. An economically independent woman stopped looking at her husband as the “breadwinner” of the family and the “owner” of family property. Having lost his economic superiority in the family, a man with few children turned from the leader of a patriarchal team into an ordinary family member. The leadership abilities characteristic of male psychology have become partially or completely unclaimed in a family environment.

Cases of unrealized male leadership in the family and work collective began to create fertile ground for the manifestation of social vices: drunkenness, irresponsibility, etc. " Family hearth“has become a “place to sleep” for all family members who live most of the time in their personal lives and are not connected by a single business or a single interest. Today, many Orthodox believers tend to see the reasons for the family crisis in the change in the consciousness of society that occurred during the Soviet period Russian history and the established modern secular culture. Thus, priest Maxim Obukhov, head of the Orthodox medical educational center “Life,” says: “In the Soviet Union, all conditions were created to free a woman from raising children and load her instead with socially useful work.” In his opinion, this has led to a decrease in the “parental instinct” among modern youth. “A child raised without a mother, as it turns out, grows up with a reduced parental instinct, and the separation of children from their parents for several generations has led to the emergence of young people who have no desire to have a child.

Keeping physical ability to childbearing, such young people turn out to be mentally unfit for either family life or parenthood. They don't want to have children. The child is perceived as a destroyer of comfort, as a hindrance." According to Orthodox theologians and clergy, modern threats to the institution of the family stem from the following sources: 1. The active involvement of women in public life and the labor process. As a result, a large number of women are not able to pay proper attention to their family.

2. Activities of international and domestic organizations dealing with the problems of sexuality education and family planning. According to many Orthodox believers, under the guise of the interests of children and the protection of their rights, the “sexualization” of minors is carried out. 3. Alienation of the family from religion and religious education. According to the church position, a family completely alienated from religion cannot give the correct spiritual and moral education to its children.

4. In juvenile justice. According to Orthodox believers, in this area of ​​jurisprudence, new to our society, there are dangerous trends: “the rights of the child are considered in isolation from the rights of the parents, often contradicting them.” Which “is certainly aimed at destroying the family, at dividing the bond between parents and children.”

5. In the new world order. The openness of Russian society to Western influence and anti-Christian culture. The Russian Orthodox Church proposes to return to the Christian foundations of marriage and consider the family as a “small church”, and marriage as a daily religious feat based on the love of God. According to the Church, the basic norms of Christian marriage should be as follows: “First, marriage is accomplished by the free choice of those entering into it. Secondly, it is a lifelong union between husband and wife. Thirdly, spouses must remain faithful to each other. Fourthly, premarital chastity is a condition of Christian marriage. Fifthly, procreation is the sacred task of those getting married. And finally, the family is a small church, the head of which is the husband.” In addition to this, the modern Russian Orthodox Church speaks of two more necessary conditions for marriage: First, the marriage must be legal, it must satisfy the laws that apply in real life specific society. Secondly, the marriage must be church. “The sacrament of marriage is unthinkable outside the Church. It can only be valid when performed by the Church within the Church, for members of the Church.”

It is easy to notice that the conditions offered by the Russian Orthodox Church to those entering into a marriage union are designed: firstly, to contribute to the formation of a morally healthy and law-abiding family; secondly, to integrate the newly formed social structure with the church body as much as possible, to make it an organic part of the church parish. Expressing this tendency, the clergy of the Russian Orthodox Church systematically remind: “The family, as a small Church, is a unit of the Universal Church, therefore it is important that it lives church life, participates in the life of the parish and is directly connected with it.”

Recognizing the great importance of family and marriage in the life of an individual and society, the Russian Orthodox Church, as before, is a promoter of the idea of ​​​​the indissolubility of the marriage union. However, well aware that the absolute implementation of this idea is impossible, the Church recognizes the dissolution of a church marriage for certain reasons (adultery or the entry of one of the parties into a new marriage, “the fall of a spouse from Orthodoxy, unnatural vices, inability to cohabitate in marriage, which occurred before marriage or resulting from intentional self-mutilation, etc.). Changes in attitudes towards women are also indicative. In the modern Russian Orthodox Church, women make up a significant majority of church parishes.

The social condition of the entire Church largely depends on their religious activity. Considering such an important importance of the civil and religious service of women, His Holiness Patriarch Kirill of Moscow and All Rus' says: “Today, an Orthodox Christian woman should take an active public position, acting as the guardian of Christian moral values ​​in the family and in society. In addition to the vocation of a wife and mother, Christian women must recognize themselves as full members of civil society, responsible for the fate of the country.” It is impossible not to note some liberalization in relation to the family hierarchy. Considering the objective impossibility of saving in modern families strict hierarchy, the Russian Orthodox Church, together with other Christian denominations, formulates a concept of family that is more understandable for modern public consciousness. “The family in the Christian understanding is a community of individuals who recognize God as the center of their lives and are united by love, capable of building harmonious relationships with each other, society and the state.”

Analyzing the Orthodox Christian approach to the problem of family and marriage, it can be noted that the implementation of the religious model of family and marriage relations in full in modern society is hardly feasible for a number of reasons: Firstly, the way of life has changed and become familiar to many people. Secondly, the dominant influence on public consciousness of secular culture, which is largely alien to Christian ideas about family and marriage. Thirdly, the weak religiosity of the majority of people both in our country and abroad. However, widespread promotion of Christian ideas about family and marriage can have a positive impact on improving the quality of family and marriage relations.

Literature

1. Nazarov, N. Orthodox Russian monasticism. - St. Petersburg, 1907.

2. Ignatius (Brianchaninov), bishop. Ascetic experiences // Creations in 5 volumes, St. Petersburg, 1886. - T. 1.

3. Philaret, Saint. How to create an Orthodox family // Instructions of the Metropolitan of Moscow to Christians living in the world [Electronic resource]. - Access mode: http://www.wco.ru/biblio/tema09/htm.

4. Rozhdestvensky, A. Family Orthodox Christian[Electronic resource]. - Access mode: http://www.vco.ru/ biblio/ books/ family1/ H1T.htm.

5. Hilarion, bishop. Marriage and monasticism in the Orthodox tradition [Electronic resource]. - Access mode: http://www.wco.ru/ biblio/ books/ alfeev18/ HOO-T.htm.

6. Macarius, Metropolitan. Conversation on the day of the great martyr and healer Panteleimon / Metropolitan Macarius // Words, conversations and teachings on holidays and Sundays by Macarius, Metropolitan of Moscow and Kolomna. - Sergiev Posad, 1914.

7. Obukhov, M. The reason for the fall in the birth rate is a spiritual crisis in society [Electronic resource]. - Access mode: http://www.zawet.ru/rapsobuhov1.htm.

9. Vorobyov, V. Orthodox family and parish life [Electronic resource]. - Access mode: http:// www.pravoslavie.ru/ jumal/ 462.htm.

10. Fundamentals of the social concept of the Russian Orthodox Church // Church and Time. - 2000. - No. 4. - P. 7-122.

11. From the speech of His Holiness Patriarch Kirill of Moscow and All Rus' at the opening of the First Forum of Orthodox Women // Journal of the Moscow Patriarchate. - 2010. - No. 1. - P. 12.

12. “The Christian family is a “small church” and the basis of a healthy society.” Final document of the plenary meeting of the Christian Interfaith Advisory Committee of the CIS and Baltic countries (Moscow, February 4, 2010) [Electronic resource]. - Access mode: http://www.religare.ru/ 2_72523.html. - Access date: 03/01/2012.

Christian marriage is an opportunity for the spiritual unity of spouses, which continues into eternity, for “love never ceases, although prophecy will cease, and tongues will be silent, and knowledge will be abolished.” Why do believers get married? Answers to the most common questions about the sacrament of weddings are in the article by priest Dionisy Svechnikov.

What's happened ? Why is it called a sacrament?

In order to start a conversation about a wedding, you should first consider. After all, a wedding, as a divine service and a grace-filled act of the Church, marks the beginning of a church marriage. Marriage is a Sacrament in which the natural love union of a man and a woman, into which they freely enter, promising to be true friend friend, is consecrated in the image of the unity of Christ with the Church.

The canonical collections of the Orthodox Church also operate with the definition of marriage proposed by the Roman jurist Modestine (III century): “Marriage is the union of a man and a woman, the communion of life, participation in divine and human law.” The Christian Church, having borrowed the definition of marriage from Roman law, gave it a Christian understanding based on the testimony of Holy Scripture. The Lord Jesus Christ taught: “A man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and the two will become one flesh, so that they are no longer two, but one flesh. Therefore, what God has joined together, let no man separate” (Matthew 19:5-6).

Orthodox teaching on marriage is very complex, and it is difficult to define marriage in just one phrase. After all, marriage can be viewed from many perspectives, focusing on one or another aspect of the spouses’ lives. Therefore, I will propose another definition of Christian marriage, expressed by the rector of St. Tikhon’s Theological Institute, Archpriest. Vladimir Vorobyov in his work “Orthodox Teaching on Marriage”: “Marriage is understood in Christianity as the ontological union of two people into a single whole, which is accomplished by God Himself, and is a gift of beauty and fullness of life, essential for improvement, for the fulfillment of its purpose, for transfiguration and entry into the Kingdom of God." Therefore, the Church does not imagine the fullness of marriage without its special action, called the Sacrament, which has a special grace-filled power that gives a person the gift of new being. This action is called wedding.

A wedding is a specific divine service, during which the Church asks the Lord for the blessing and sanctification of the family life of Christian spouses, as well as the birth and worthy upbringing of children. I would like to note that the wedding of every Christian couple is a fairly young tradition. The first Christians did not know the wedding rite that is practiced in the modern Orthodox Church. The ancient Christian Church arose in the Roman Empire, which had its own concept of marriage and its own traditions of concluding a marriage. Marriage in Ancient Rome was purely legal and took the form of an agreement between the two parties. The marriage was preceded by a “conspiracy,” or betrothal, at which the material aspects of the marriage could be discussed.

Without violating or abolishing the law that was in force in the Roman Empire, the early Christian Church gave marriage, concluded under state law, a new understanding based on the New Testament teaching, likening the union of husband and wife to the union of Christ and the Church, and considered the married couple a living member of the Church. After all, the Church of Christ is capable of existing under any state formations, government structures and legislation.

Christians believed that there were two necessary conditions for marriage. The first is earthly, marriage must be legal, it must satisfy the laws that operate in real life, it must exist in the reality that exists on Earth in a given era. The second condition is that the marriage must be blessed, grace-filled, and ecclesiastical.

Of course, Christians could not approve of the marriages that pagans allowed in the Roman state: concubinage - long-term cohabitation of a man with a free, unmarried woman and consanguineous marriages. Marriage relations of Christians had to comply with the moral rules of the New Testament teaching. Therefore, Christians entered into marriage with the blessing of the bishop. The intention to marry was announced in the Church before the conclusion of a civil contract. Marriages that were not announced in the church community, according to Tertullian, were equated with fornication and adultery.

Tertullian wrote that true marriage took place in the presence of the Church, was sanctified by prayer and sealed by the Eucharist. The life together of Christian spouses began with joint participation in the Eucharist. The first Christians could not imagine their life without the Eucharist, outside the Eucharistic community, at the center of which was the Lord's Supper. Those entering into marriage came to the Eucharistic meeting, and, with the blessing of the bishop, they partook of the Holy Mysteries of Christ together. All those present knew that on this day these people began a new life together at the cup of Christ, accepting it as a grace-filled gift of unity and love that would unite them in eternity.

Thus, the first Christians entered into marriage both through a church blessing and through a legal contract accepted in the Roman state. This order remained unchanged during the first period of Christianization of the empire. The first Christian sovereigns, condemning secret, unregistered marriages, in their laws spoke only about the civil legal side of marriage, without mentioning church weddings.

Later, the Byzantine emperors ordered that marriages be entered into only with a church blessing. But at the same time, the Church has long been involved in betrothal, giving it morally binding force. Until weddings became mandatory for all Christians, church betrothal, followed by the actual beginning of the marriage relationship, was considered as a valid marriage.

The wedding ceremony that we can observe now developed around the 9th-10th centuries in Byzantium. It represents a certain synthesis of church worship and Greco-Roman folk wedding customs. For example, wedding rings in ancient times had a purely practical meaning. Signet rings were common among the nobility, which were used to seal legal documents written on wax tablets. By exchanging seals, the spouses entrusted each other with all their property as evidence of mutual trust and fidelity. Thanks to this, in the Sacrament of Marriage, the rings retained their original symbolic meaning - they began to denote fidelity, unity, and the inseparability of the family union. The crowns placed on the heads of the newlyweds entered the rite of marriage thanks to Byzantine ceremonies and acquired a Christianized meaning - they testify to the royal dignity of the newlyweds, who will build their kingdom, their world, their family.

So why is there a special meaning to the New Testament teaching on marriage, why is marriage called a Sacrament in the Church of Christ, and not just a beautiful rite or tradition? The Old Testament teaching on marriage saw the main purpose and essence of marriage in reproduction. Childbearing was the most obvious sign of God's blessing. Most a shining example God’s favor to the righteous man was revealed by the promise God made to Abraham for his obedience: “I will bless you with blessing, and by multiplying I will multiply your seed like the stars of heaven and like the sand that is on the seashore; and your seed shall take possession of the cities of their enemies; and through your seed all the nations of the earth will be blessed, because you have obeyed My voice” (Gen. 22:17-18).

Although the Old Testament teaching did not have a clear idea of ​​posthumous existence, and man, in best case scenario, could only hope for a ghostly vegetation in the so-called “Sheol” (which can only very loosely be translated as “hell”), the promise given to Abraham suggested that life could become eternal through posterity. The Jews were waiting for their Messiah, who would establish some new Israeli kingdom, in which the bliss of the Jewish people would come. It was the participation in this bliss of the descendants of this or that person that was understood as his personal salvation. Therefore, childlessness was considered by the Jews as a punishment from God, for it deprived a person of the possibility of personal salvation.

In contrast to the Old Testament teaching, marriage in the New Testament appears to a person as a special spiritual unity of Christian spouses, which continues into eternity. The guarantee of eternal unity and love is seen as the meaning of the New Testament teaching on marriage. The doctrine of marriage as a state intended only for procreation is rejected by Christ in the Gospel: “In the Kingdom of God they do not marry or be given in marriage, but remain as the angels of God” (Matthew 22:23-32). The Lord clearly makes it clear that in eternity there will be no carnal, earthly relationships between spouses, but there will be spiritual ones.

Therefore, first of all, it provides an opportunity for the spiritual unity of spouses, which continues into eternity, for “love never ceases, although prophecies will cease, and tongues will be silent, and knowledge will be abolished” (1 Cor. 13:8). Ap. Paul likened marriage to the unity of Christ and the Church: “Wives,” he wrote in Ephesians, “submit to your own husbands as to the Lord; because the husband is the head of the wife, just as Christ is the Head of the Church, and He is the Savior of the body. But just as the Church submits to Christ, so do wives to their husbands in everything. Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the Church and gave Himself for her” (Eph. 5:22-25). The Holy Apostle attached to marriage the meaning of the Sacrament: “a man will leave his father and mother and cleave to his wife, and the two will become one flesh. This mystery is great; I speak in relation to Christ and to the Church” (Eph. 5:31-32). The Church calls marriage a Sacrament because in a mysterious and incomprehensible way for us, the Lord Himself combines two people. Marriage is a Sacrament for life and for Eternal Life.

Speaking about marriage as a spiritual unity of spouses, in no case should we forget that marriage itself becomes a means of continuing and multiplying the human race. Therefore, childbearing is saving, for it is divinely ordained: “And God blessed them, and God said to them: Be fruitful and multiply, and fill the earth and subdue it” (Gen. 1:28). The apostle teaches about the salvation of childbearing. Paul: “a woman... will be saved through childbearing if she continues in faith and love and in holiness with chastity” (1 Tim. 2:14-15).

Thus, childbearing is one of the goals of marriage, but is by no means an end in itself. The Church calls on its faithful children to raise their children in Orthodox faith. Only then does childbearing become salutary when children become a “home Church” together with their parents, growing in spiritual improvement and knowledge of God.

To be continued…