The problem of education. Features of raising boys and girls. Features of raising girls and boys in a modern family

MAIN TASKS OF EDUCATION.

Like any organized process, family education requires a certain sense of purpose and the presence of specific tasks. Since in our society the interests of the state and parents in relation to the upbringing of the younger generation most often coincide, the goal and objectives of public and family education basically they are also identical. Consequently, the main goal of raising children in a family is the comprehensive development of the individual, combining spiritual wealth, moral purity and physical perfection. Achieving this goal includes the implementation of such tasks as physical, mental, moral, labor, and aesthetic education.

In family education, an important place is occupied by caring for the child’s health, his physical training, hardening, development of strength, agility, speed, and endurance. Healthy, physically developed person is able to more successfully engage in mental and physical labor, he usually has a good, cheerful mood, and he, as a rule, is friendly to others, ready to help, perceives beauty more keenly and strives to do everything beautifully.

In the interests of physical education, parents should teach children from early childhood to regularly do morning physical exercises, involve them in various outdoor games, sports activities, and engage in accessible tourism together. It is important, on the advice of a doctor, to accustom the child to hardening, to teach him to take care of his own health, avoiding bad habits (smoking, drinking alcoholic beverages, toxic drugs, etc.). And in all this, the main thing is the example of parents. If a father smokes but forbids his son to smoke, it is unlikely that anything good will come of it. The boy, while he is small, will smoke secretly, and then without fear.

Raising children in a family includes mental development as a necessary component. The first appeals of the mother to the still speechless baby are already laying the foundations mental education. Further speech training, telling fairy tales, reading books, stimulating and encouraging children's curiosity, answering the child's questions, appropriate explanations, etc. - all this is in the interests of developing thinking, memory, attention, imagination, and serves the important task of preparing for school . When a child becomes a schoolchild, it is the parents’ duty to create the appropriate conditions for his productive studies and tactfully help in case of difficulties. And here the steady development of curiosity and inquisitiveness, independent thinking, orientation towards continuous education, and the habit of reading fiction and periodicals acquire special importance. A positive role in this regard is played by encouraging children to participate in subject and other clubs at school or out-of-school institutions - taking into account their interests, inclinations and health status.

Parents should pay a lot of attention to the moral education of their children, since in everyday life various problems associated with behavior and relationships between people constantly and inevitably arise. It is in the family that children mainly comprehend the ABC of morality, learn what is good and what is bad, learn to show kindness to people, and provide all possible help. As a child grows up, the moral demands placed on him significantly increase and deepen. Moral education in the family involves the formation of love for the native land, one’s Fatherland, humanity, a sense of camaraderie, honesty, justice, and responsibility. And here, not only and not so much special conversations and explanations play a big role, but the organization of the child’s entire life in accordance with the principles of universal morality, the everyday practice of appropriate behavior.

An extremely important place in the family education system belongs to the labor education of children. From an early age, children, as a rule, strive to participate in household chores to the best of their ability, help adults, and imitate in their games different kinds labor. The important task of parents is not to discourage their children from working, but to encourage them in this regard and provide all possible assistance. Available forms of self-service, participation in household chores, equipping the child with a variety of labor skills, explaining to him the role of work in the life of a person and society, introducing him to professions, encouraging participation in socially useful work - all this is very important for preparing a conscientious worker who is capable of provide yourself and your family with everything you need and benefit society.

Among the specific areas of comprehensive development of a child’s personality in a family environment, an important role is played by aesthetic education. Closely connected with other aspects of education, it helps to introduce children to beauty, teaches them to perceive and appreciate beauty in life, nature, art, and teaches them to create according to the laws of beauty. For these purposes, parents should use drawing, modeling, listening to music and songs together, teaching the child to play musical instruments, visiting theaters, museums, exhibitions, excursions to their native places and much more. The task of the family is to educate not only consumers, contemplators of beauty, but also active participants in its creation in all possible areas and spheres.

Parents as educators will not succeed if they do not know the characteristics of their child. After all, every person, no matter how old he is, is a specific, unique personality. Therefore, father and mother cannot be content with the everyday idea of ​​their son or daughter. For the purpose of education, a constant and in-depth study of the child is required, special identification of his interests, requests, hobbies, inclinations and abilities, advantages and disadvantages, positive qualities and negative traits. Only then will father and mother have the opportunity to purposefully and reasonably, and therefore fruitfully, influence the formation of the personality of a growing person, focusing on its positive aspects and developing them, and on the other hand, persistently overcoming negative traits.

Parents will be helped in studying their child casual conversations on issues of interest, observing his behavior both at home and on the street, in public places, at school - in communication with friends, during work, rest. What a child reads, how he spends his free time, who he is friends with, what games he plays - parents should know the answers to these and similar questions. Teachers will answer some questions. But the assessment of strangers may also be biased and incorrect. Trust is the main line of behavior of father and mother. It is very important that the child and children trust them too.

GENDER DIFFERENCES IN CHILDREN AND EDUCATION.

When raising children, parents must take into account their gender characteristics. After all, boys and girls differ not only in appearance:

male or female nature manifests itself long before puberty and leaves its definite imprint on their feelings, consciousness and behavior. At the same time, we should not forget that representatives of the male and female sexes are still, first of all, united by universal human qualities that are characteristic of both;

sexual characteristics are generally highlighted only with some emphasis within the characteristics of a person in general. Knowing about this and keeping in mind the psychological characteristics of an individual, determined by his gender, means having the opportunity to rely on everything positive, take into account possible negative manifestations and, therefore, carry out family education more effectively.

Some significant differences between boys and girls are already apparent in the first months of their lives. For example, girls develop somewhat faster than boys both physically and psychologically; they begin to speak approximately 2-4 months earlier. On average, by the age of three, both boys and girls, with the help of their parents and others, already know about their gender and distinguish the gender of other children and adults.

As the child grows, sexual psychological characteristics gradually intensifying. They manifest themselves in the level of emotional reactions, in specific interests and inclinations, in the nature of thinking, in relation to specific facts, etc.

FEATURES OF A GIRL'S PSYCHE.

The girls are already in early age The “instinct of motherhood” manifests itself, expressed in interest in other children, in games, in a caring attitude towards dolls. Their attention is attracted primarily by the person, his relationships with other people. The older they get, the stronger their interest in the inner world of a person, his experiences, and behavior increases. It is also typical for girls to show a predominant interest in what directly surrounds them (furnishings, utensils, clothing, etc.).

Girls communicate more with their mother and are more attached to home. They are, as a rule, more diligent and efficient than boys, more careful, thrifty, and conscientious. They tend to be more inclined to show concern for others, to care for them, as well as to teach and criticize. The increased emotionality of female representatives is often the reason for their lack of objectivity. The sensitivity of the female psyche is higher than that of the male; girls are more touchy, proud, they react more sharply to both encouragement and reproach.

Girls have more developed involuntary attention; they are more attracted to concrete visualization. They are more easily suggestible; adapt to new surroundings faster and feel more confident in unusual conditions.

Their range of cognitive interests is less diverse than that of boys. Among school subjects, they often prefer literature, history, and foreign languages. More than boys, they love to read, are fond of poetry, and play music. It is usually easier for teachers to work with girls, and this is partly why they, as a rule, predominate in the student body and are prefects.

It is generally accepted that girls are easier to raise than boys. They say that boys are mischievous, and girls are much calmer. And it’s easier for mothers to understand them - after all, women’s psychology... But upon closer examination, as often happens, it turns out that such views do not correspond to reality.

When you think about parenting seriously, it turns out that it is still unknown whose parents have it easier: boys or girls. After all, the 20th century opened up unprecedented opportunities for women, but at the same time placed on them the burden of enormous responsibility. Having received equal rights with men, women were able to study, work, engage in politics, and decide their own destiny. And everything seemed to be going great, but the family suddenly began to burst at the seams. Women began to have enough time for anything, just not for children and husbands.

Changes in lifestyle and psychology led to divorce. Divorces ruined children's destinies. Children, growing up, copied their parents, and thus one generation after another was drawn into a vicious circle...

Now, out of three families, two of us are breaking up, and there is no end in sight. More than once I have had to deal with the fact that the psychology of a single mother is passed on to the third or fourth generation: my great-grandmother divorced and raised her daughter alone.

She, in turn, also could not get along with her husband and passed on this bitter experience to her daughter. The daughter, again, did not learn the proper lessons from the incident, as a result of which she was left alone with the baby in her arms. And now this grown-up baby is toiling with her daughter, complaining about her behavior, but at the same time cultivating in her character traits that will almost one hundred percent make her incapable of getting along with her husband in the future. After all, negative stereotypes of behavior with the opposite sex are already so rooted in this family that it is extremely difficult to overcome. It is like the burden of heredity: in each generation it becomes heavier and heavier.

It is interesting that throughout the world, the majority of divorces are initiated by women. Why? Don't you think this is strange? After all, women have traditionally played a diametrically opposite role for thousands of years - as guardians family hearth! This means that some dramatic changes have occurred in female psychology and character. And the family building began to collapse, burying everyone under the ruins: men, children, and, of course, the women themselves.

So it turns out that raising a girl in our time is not an easy task. What should I aim it at: family or career? What to encourage and what traits to try to suppress?

It’s one thing to instill in a child from childhood that the main thing is activity and independence. And it’s quite another thing to cultivate gentleness, compliance, and compassion. That is, qualities that facilitate family life, but inconsistent with conventional wisdom about leadership.

The choice, naturally, is up to the parents. (Another thing is that we don’t always succeed the way we plan. As they say, “man proposes, but God disposes”).

But it seems to me that the choice should be conscious. And to do this, you need to clearly imagine the consequences of your choice. Including quite remote ones.

The main thing is family happiness, the rest will follow.

Many adults, who have seen from their own experience what it is like for children whose mother is “burning” at work, believe that girls should be oriented primarily toward creating strong family. And the rest will follow.

This will probably seem strange to some. “Nothing is applied to anything,” he will say. “If you put family first, you have to forget about work.”

Either family or career. It does not happen that a person directs his efforts to one thing, and another happens by itself.

But oddly enough, in this matter this iron logic often fails. Although, if you think about it, what’s so strange here? Women with unsuccessful personal destinies often have distorted character. Fact? - Fact. Many become embittered, touchy, irritable, ambitious, and vindictively petty. This is naturally not in the best possible way affects their relationships with co-workers, and therefore their career. A conflicted person makes enemies, colleagues strive to get rid of him...

What if, say, a woman constantly has scandals in her family? What if the children got out of hand? No matter how much the mother drives away painful, anxious thoughts, they will not go away, and will still prevent her from concentrating on work. Yes, sometimes we plunge into work headlong, trying to forget.

But then work becomes a kind of drug. And any drug addiction does not lead to good.

How often these days women dream of a career, deep down they are annoyed that they have to spend time raising a newborn child! But if something happens to him, it turns out that nothing is nice. If only the child was alive and well.

“I spent all of Valino’s childhood traveling on business trips. I liked the profession of a geologist so much! I dreamed of becoming a doctor of science; I was predicted to have a brilliant future. Valya stayed with my parents. He was bored, cried, asked: “Mom, don’t leave!” Then I grew up and sort of got used to it. And then, at the age of thirteen, he suddenly became a stranger, became withdrawn, and began to conflict with the guys and teachers. I got worried and tried to be at home more. Then I even left work to take care of the child. But it was too late. Now he's gone<мальчик покончил с собой – авт.>, and I understand that I don’t need a dissertation, or heading a department, or traveling abroad...”

How many mothers recognize themselves in this sad confession of a stranger who came up to me one day after my performance in some club or library?! Of course, not all stories end so tragically, but the general meaning remains the same: by building a career at the expense of raising children, a woman ultimately loses in both fields.

A little about the disadvantages of “genderless pedagogy”

Changing traditional roles and behavior patterns is always fraught negative consequences. Although sometimes this is not immediately obvious.

IN last years Not only here, but also in other countries, voices are increasingly being heard in defense of separate education for boys and girls. An experiment was recently carried out in one English county, and it turned out that academic performance in single-sex schools is higher than in those where boys and girls study together.

Strange? - Not at all! The fact is that physiologically and psychologically boys are several years behind girls.

Therefore, when they study together, the boys develop a failure complex. In elementary and high school They are shorter than girls, and often physically weaker and more sloppy. Their notebooks are dirty, their handwriting is worse, and so are their grades... All this, as you understand, does not stimulate the desire to learn in most boys... When boys are not put in a deliberately losing position, they feel calm and show much better results.

Well, on the other hand, girls, who usually begin to become interested in gender issues earlier than boys, are not distracted during separate learning in lessons, do not make eyes, do not exchange notes...

I recently visited a Moscow kindergarten, where an attempt was also made to educate boys and girls separately. They have classes and walks together, but the rest of kindergarten life: eating, sleeping, playing, goes on separately.

I visited there and thought: “This is necessary! How much have we heard in recent years about the fallacy of “genderless pedagogy” (that’s the nickname for pedagogy that does not take into account gender differences) and about the need for sex education for children. But here it is, right next to us! Normal, without obscenity, without declassifying topics that are traditionally considered not childish in our country, without cynical peeping through the keyhole...”

With children in this kindergarten they do not discuss the topic “where did I come from,” but simply present them with examples of standard male and female behavior every day. Boys are taught to be courageous, resilient, and gallant towards girls.

Let's talk about girls in more detail.

When you find yourself in their half, you remember Zola’s novel “Ladies’ Happiness”. What's not there! Living room with miniature upholstered furniture and an artfully painted fireplace. Mini-cafe with umbrellas and bowls for ice cream made from snow-white cotton wool. Festive table with many dishes made from dough and painted. Dolls with strollers and lots of outfits. A real women's kingdom, in which every girl is a little princess. They behave accordingly. Such a casually upright posture is found only in ballerinas, and the plasticity amazes with femininity and grace. Although, when they first came to kindergarten, many girls had hand movements that resembled boys. Especially those who have older brothers. And the other little ones did not have graceful manners, because in the garden there are many children from dysfunctional families, where rudeness and aggressiveness are the norm.

But here girls change quickly. And without much pressure from adults. It’s just that in this cozy and somehow very noble environment it’s unnatural to behave boorishly. And children are sensitive to falsehood.

Coming to visit the girls’ quarters, the boys are clearly stunned by the abundance of “trinkets” and are relieved to return to their quarters, to the usual masculine surroundings: sabers, fireman’s helmets, and toy soldiers. But at the same time, they are not tempted to destroy the girls' paradise. Although, in general, don’t feed the boys bread - let them break the girls’ game to demonstrate their superiority over crybabies and sneaks. This is their way of “marking territory”, showing “who is the best”. And while the kindergarten was ordinary, the tomboys, naturally, did not miss the opportunity to play dirty tricks on the girls. Now, when there is nothing to share, they not only do not offend the girls, but are also happy to let them go ahead and give in best places and so on.

Education of femininity

In my opinion, the main problem in raising today's girls is the education of femininity. It seems like nonsense. Why educate what is inherent in nature itself?

However, a paradoxical thing happened: in the struggle for equality, women won, but as a result they switched to playing on someone else’s field, and lost their positions, losing the feminine softness, purity and naive sweetness that so touches strong men.

Modern style is assertive, aggressive, daring. Teenage girls try to keep up with the boys: they swear, practice karate and wushu, smoke, drink, “change partners,” and increasingly join gangs. Femininity seems unprestigious to many and is perceived as a sign of weakness. He-Man's girlfriends are held in high esteem, capable of knocking their opponent to the ground.

True, it is difficult to imagine them as tender, caring mothers. But it is not necessary, they are not in this area.

And look at the toys. Have girls ever been asked to play culturists, armed with all sorts of weapons? To be fair, I note that charming dolls with porcelain faces are also, of course, on the shelves. But firstly, not everyone can afford them, and secondly, this is yesterday, retro style.

I'm not talking about books. Actually, even twenty years ago we didn’t have enough specifically girlish literature (here it is, “genderless pedagogy”!): Aseeva’s read-to-read “Dinka”, some stories by Lev Kassil, short stories by Alexander Greene, very popular in the 70-80s. “Girls, a book for you”... Nowadays there are even fewer books for girls. Not all of the old ones have been reprinted, but the new ones are mainly detective stories and adventures for boys and about boys. Even “Alice” by Kir Bulychev, according to my observations, boys like to read more! (Well, yes, these are fantastic adventures!). We rightly criticize Latin American television series, but we do not offer girls high-quality examples of romanticism.

The same can be said about the pulp books now popular among teenage girls, urgently translated from English or hastily concocted by domestic authors.

Not only do they spoil the literary taste, which is already underdeveloped in modern children. Also - and this is the main danger - by absorbing such literary concoction, girls become imbued with knowledge that is completely unnecessary at their age, learn the “art of seduction,” and internalize views and attitudes that, as a rule, do not lead to good.

Sex and romance are often intertwined in these books. Taking advantage of the fact that teenage girls, like a hundred years ago, dream of love, the authors make a clever substitution: instead of platonic, sublime love, they aim young readers at something completely different. Something that is expressed with utmost frankness in teen magazines with headlines like “Are you still a virgin at thirteen?” In books this may be a little camouflaged, but the essence remains the same.

Most modern pulp literature for teenage girls inflames sensuality, instills the idea of ​​the permissibility and even desirability of bed relationships in adolescence and presents as a standard the image of an assertive, self-confident, impatient heroine who does not hesitate to impose herself on guys (she calls this “getting her way”), often behaves like a complete prostitute, puts her own pleasure above all, and therefore naturally violates “outdated ”moral norms, considering them stupid, dense prejudices. One of the main qualities of such a girl is rampant self-will, beautifully called “thirst for freedom.” Her parents, of course, “don’t understand,” “get in the way,” “pressure.” Moreover, everything is described in such a way as to arouse girls’ sympathy for the heroine and admiration for her.

She is portrayed as smart, brave, independent, successful. At the end of the book, luck usually awaits her.

And seduced teenage girls begin to imitate their favorite heroines, without thinking that they are falling into a trap. Playing on someone else's field is a dangerous activity. Refusing natural feminine qualities: modesty, gentleness, caring, the ability to endure and compassion - girls, without knowing it, renounce their nature and move into another category. No, not in the category of men. It's still impossible. No matter how many stripes an antelope paints on its back, it will not turn into a tiger. But he can become a laughing stock in the animal kingdom.

So it is with “advanced” teenage girls. At first, it seems to them that they have gained freedom and independence, that the whole world lies at their feet, everyone is ready to look after them, everyone is crazy about them. But very quickly it turns out that the guys look at them as a thing, an object of consumption. And a thing, especially in a society imbued with consumer psychology, is valued only while it is new. I used it and threw it away. Why save it when you can get another one for pennies, or even for nothing?

As soon as the girlish freshness wears off (and now, with the spread of pedophilia, this happens very quickly: for Lolita fans, an eighteen- to nineteen-year-old girl is already an old woman), the “object” becomes uninteresting. And this is logical.

Why should it be any different? In a consumer society, things are interchangeable. And the feelings, experiences... It’s even funny. How does the thing feel?

“Therefore, I would advise parents who are seriously thinking about the future of their daughters to pay increased attention to the romantic upbringing of girls. Do not be afraid that it will come into conflict with life, which, of course, is harsher than in the novels of Charles Bronte. (Although not completely cynical, as the “yellow” media are trying to convince us). Romanticism strengthens the soul in an amazing way. Moreover, it corresponds to feminine nature itself.

– Don’t limit yourself to literature – naturally, to its classic, high-quality examples. Tell girls about your relatives and friends whom you consider worthy role models.

– Remember our and foreign history. There are many examples of female kindness, purity, selflessness, and mercy in it.

– More often put the girl in a situation where she needs to take care of someone. And, of course, celebrate this as a great advantage! Recognition of merit is a huge incentive for a child, but many parents, unfortunately, still neglect it.

– Do not encourage teenage girls to be interested in cosmetics.

Nowadays, some mothers, having heard enough advice about how important it is to teach girls to wear makeup and take care of their skin from childhood (they say this is what cultivating femininity is all about), buy ten- to twelve-year-old girls “children’s” lipstick or “children’s” eye shadow. It is clear why cosmetics manufacturers persistently promote this: for them, the more buyers, the better. But why parents fall for these cheap tricks is not easy to understand. Indeed, in the perception of girls, the use of cosmetics is a very important step towards adult life. And by encouraging such steps, mothers unwittingly push their daughters towards everything else that is associated with modern teenage concepts of adulthood. At the age of five, a girl will ask to paint her nails, “like her mother’s,” and go play “mother-daughter.” And at twelve, girls wearing makeup go to completely different places and play other, not so innocent games.

Soft behavior defeats hard behavior.

“And yet,” you ask, “why are some girls little princesses, while others are little robbers? Is it really just a matter of upbringing?”

Of course not. A lot depends on the characterological characteristics of the child, on his temperament. Hyperactive children are often little robbers. Or demonstrative girls who like to attract attention to themselves, even negative ones. And sometimes it’s just an adventurous character. In addition, a lot depends on the examples that are given to the child. Girls growing up in families with older brothers often (though not always) imitate boys.

In each specific case, you need to understand the reason for your daughter’s “robbery” antics and think about how to set her up for something positive. Agree that there are “two big differences” between a bandit and an avid hiker, as they say in Odessa.

But actually it’s interesting that kindergarten, which I talked about - where boys have their own approach, and girls have their own - even inveterate little robbers gradually become more affectionate and obedient.

“The soft conquers the hard,” says an old Chinese proverb. And this ancient wisdom today seems to me as modern as possible.

Raising boys

Raising boys is not a woman's job. This was believed in ancient Sparta, and therefore they separated sons from their mother early, transferring them to the care of male educators.

This is how they thought in old Russia. In noble families, from birth, a male child was looked after not only by a nanny, but also by a serf “uncle,” and not governesses, but tutors were invited to six- to seven-year-old boys. Boys from the lower classes, simply due to life circumstances, quickly plunged into a male environment, becoming involved in men's affairs. Suffice it to recall Nekrasov’s textbook poem “The Little Peasant Man,” whose hero is only six (!) years old, but he is already carrying firewood home from the forest, handles a horse well, and feels like the breadwinner of the family.

Moreover labor education boys were considered the responsibility of the father or other adult men of the family. “Observers unanimously confirm the conclusion about the exclusive role of the father and, in general, older men in the family in raising sons,” wrote researcher of Russian peasant life, historian N.A. Minenko. Only in the most extreme cases, when there were no men nearby, did the role of a male educator go to a woman. However, in the 20th century, everything changed, and raising children the further, the more it became a purely female occupation. In kindergarten, the “mustachioed nanny” can only be found in the movies. And men are not eager to go to school. No matter how much they are called there, there are still an order of magnitude fewer teachers than female teachers in almost any school.

In such a situation, the main burden falls on the family, but even in the family, not all children have an example of a man before their eyes! The number of single mothers is growing. As well as the number of one-child families. Without any exaggeration we can say that millions modern boys are deprived of serious male influence during the most important period of their development, when they develop stereotypes of gender-role behavior. And as a result, they internalize women’s attitudes, women’s views on life.

The virtues of a man: moderation and accuracy. And also the ability to embroider with satin stitch

On our psychological studies we give the kids a little test: we ask them to draw a ladder of ten steps and write some quality on each step good man. Above is the most important, below is the most, in their opinion, insignificant. The result is impressive. Often, teenage boys indicate among the most important traits of a good person... diligence, perseverance, accuracy. They just don’t call the ability to embroider with satin stitch! But courage, if present, is at one of the last steps.

Moreover, mothers who themselves cultivate such ideas about life in their sons then complain about their lack of initiative, inability to rebuff the offender, and unwillingness to overcome difficulties. But where does the desire to overcome difficulties come from? What do sons in many families hear every hour, if not every minute? - “Don’t go there - it’s dangerous, don’t do it - you’ll get hurt, don’t lift heavy things - you’ll injure yourself, don’t touch, don’t climb, don’t you dare...” What kind of initiative can we talk about with such upbringing?

Of course, mothers' fear is understandable. They have only one son (one-child families most often suffer from overprotection), and mothers are afraid that something bad will happen to the boy. Therefore, they reason, it is better to play it safe. But such an approach is humane only at first glance. You will ask why? - Yes, because in fact there are selfish considerations hidden behind it. Sinning overprotection, mothers and grandmothers raise a child FOR THEMSELVES, raise them the way they are comfortable.

And they don’t think seriously about the consequences. Although you should think about it. After all, even from a selfish point of view, this is short-sighted. By suppressing masculinity in a child, women distort masculine nature, and such gross violence cannot go unpunished. And this will definitely ricochet back to the family.

Twelve-year-old Pasha looked about nine years old. Answering questions (even the simplest ones, such as “What school do you go to?”, “What films do you like?”), he curled up into a ball, fiddled with the hem of his sweater, and spoke without raising his eyes. And he constantly shivered, as if his clothes were rubbing his skin. He was tormented by fears, he did not fall asleep in the dark, he was afraid to stay at home alone. At school, too, everything was not good, thank God. Coming to the board, Pasha babbled something unintelligible, although he knew the material by heart. And before the tests, he began to shake so much that he could not sleep for half the night and ran to the toilet every two minutes. IN primary school Pasha was often beaten, taking advantage of the fact that he did not dare to fight back. Now they beat me less, because the girls have started to stand up for me. But, as you understand, this does not add joy to Pasha. He feels insignificant and escapes from painful thoughts by plunging headlong into the world computer games. In them he feels invincible and crushes numerous enemies.

“I used to read so much, I enjoyed going to the theater and museums. Now he refuses everything and sits in front of the computer all day long,” Pasha’s mother grieves, not realizing that she herself has driven him into a vicious circle. This is an approximate portrait of a weak-willed boy, crushed by overprotection. Those who are internally stronger begin to show negativism and demonstrativeness.

“I don’t understand what happened to my son. He was a normal person, but now he takes everything with hostility. You give him his word, he gives you ten. And most importantly, no responsibility! If you order someone to buy something, he will spend the money on something completely different, and even tell a big lie. He always strives to do something contrary, to get into some kind of adventure. He keeps our whole family in suspense, he needs attention like a little one,” complains the mother of such a child, also not understanding who is to blame for his rebellious and infantile antics.

As a result, in adolescence, both boys are likely to fall into the so-called “risk group”.

Pasha may become a victim of violence and attempt suicide, another boy may abandon his studies, get carried away by hard rock and discos, go to great lengths in search of easy money, become addicted to vodka or drugs. That is, even the health of the child, that is, the goal for which his masculinity was sacrificed, will not be achieved!

School of Courage

If you seriously think about your son’s future, then you shouldn’t guard his every step. Although, of course, each parent determines the level of risk himself, based on his own character characteristics and the character of the child. One of my friends, truly an iron lady, is raising her sons according to the model of the ancient Spartans. A two-year-old baby is stomping next to her up the mountain. scorching sun. And it’s a little, a lot of one and a half kilometers to the top! And she goes far away to swim together with her older brother, who himself, like Nekrasov, has just “passed the sixth”... I’m scared to even hear about this, but she believes that it’s simply impossible to raise our sons any other way.

But I think most mothers are nervous about this approach. It's better to prefer golden mean. First, make a trip to the playground and watch the children walking there under the supervision of their fathers. Notice how much calmer fathers are when their children fall. They do not discourage their sons from a dangerous place, but help them overcome difficulties. And they encourage you instead of stopping you and pulling you back. This is the male type of response that is lacking in the upbringing of today's boys.

In general, fathers usually have an easier time managing their sons than mothers. It is a fact. But the explanations given to him are different. Most often, wives say that their husbands see their children less often, encounter them less often in everyday life, and their sons have “less allergies” to them. But I am convinced that this is something else. If a child has a normal relationship with his mother, he is only glad when she is at home more. And he doesn’t have any “allergy” to it! But when there is no mutual understanding, when banal brushing of teeth develops into a PROBLEM, then “allergies”, of course, appear.

No, it’s just that the fathers were boys themselves and had not completely forgotten their childhood. For example, they remember how humiliating it is when you are afraid to fight back. Or when, like a fool, they dictate to you what hat to wear, what scarf to tie. Therefore, observe in what respects they are inferior to their sons, and in what respects, on the contrary, they are as hard as flint. And try to evaluate this objectively, without harboring grudges. After all, men are often right when they accuse their wives of spoiling their sons, and then they themselves cry because of it. Of course, in at different ages The education of masculinity takes place in different ways.

Endurance can and should be encouraged in a very small, two-year-old child. But not in the same way as adults try to do, reprimanding a fallen child: “Why are you crying? It doesn't hurt you! Be a man!" Such “education” leads to the fact that at the age of 5-6, a boy who is tired of humiliation declares: “But I’m not a man! Leave me alone".

It is better to proceed from the “presumption of innocence”: since he is crying, it means that he needs to be pitied. Whether he hit himself or got scared doesn’t matter. The main thing is that the baby needs psychological support from his parents, and it is cruel to deny it. But when he hits and DOES NOT cry, it’s worth noting and praising your son, focusing on his masculinity: “Well done! This is what a real guy means. Another would have cried, but you endured it.”

In general, say the word “boy” more often with the epithets “brave” and “hardy.” After all, kids, as a rule, hear at this age that “good” means obedient. And in early childhood, many auditory and visual images are imprinted at the subconscious level. As you know, people who once heard a foreign language in infancy subsequently easily master this language and have good pronunciation, even if they begin to learn the language from scratch many, many years later.

The same thing happens with ideas about life and people. Early impressions leave a deep imprint and subsequently invisibly guide many of our actions. A three- to four-year-old child should buy more “male” toys. Not just guns and cars. I have already written that it is useful to introduce sons to male professions.

Among other things, this will distract the child from the computer, from countless virtual murders, which only generate fears and bitterness in the child’s soul. It is very good to combine stories with role-playing games, buying or making various paraphernalia for them: firemen’s helmets, a ship’s wheel, a police baton... It’s better that these toys are not very bright. Variety is for girls. Choose calm, restrained, courageous tones, because suggestion occurs not only at the level of words, but also at the level of color.

Five- and six-year-old boys usually show an interest in carpentry tools. Don't be afraid to give them a hammer or a pocketknife. Let them learn to hammer nails, plan, saw. Under the supervision of adults, of course, but still independently. The sooner a boy starts helping one of the grown men, the better. Even if his help is purely symbolic. For example, handing dad a screwdriver on time is also very important. This elevates the boy in his own eyes and allows him to feel involved in the “real deal.” Well, dads, of course, shouldn’t get annoyed if their son does something wrong.

And it is even more unacceptable to shout: “Your hands are growing from the wrong place!” Thus, the only thing that can be achieved is that the son will lose all desire to help.

“When a mechanic comes to us,” the director of one kindergarten told me, paying a lot of attention to great attention to develop masculine qualities in boys, and feminine qualities in girls, I specifically send the boys to help him, and they line up. We, like everywhere else, have many children from single-parent families, and for some this is the only opportunity to join men’s activities.”

It is very important for single mothers to adopt this simple technique. Indeed, among teenagers at risk, the majority come from single-parent families. Without a positive example of male behavior before their eyes, boys easily copy negative ones. With very disastrous consequences for yourself. Therefore, try to find among your relatives, friends or neighbors a person who, at least sometimes, could adapt the boy to some kind of man’s work. And when your son grows up a little, find out what clubs and sections there are in your area where men teach. Spare no effort, find a leader who would please your boy’s heart. Believe me, it will pay off in spades.

Already in older preschool age, boys should be oriented towards a chivalrous attitude towards girls.

In the same kindergarten, the boys were so accustomed to letting girls go first that one day, when the teacher forgot about this rule, a jam formed at the door: the boys did not want to go through before the girls. In our psychological theater classes, we also praise the boys for their generosity when they agree for the girls to perform first. And we see how beneficially this affects their self-esteem and relationships in the group.

Having gone to school, the child moves to another age category and becomes “big”. This is a favorable moment for the further development of masculinity. Start training him to give up his seat to older people on the subway.

And how readily the boys, even four-year-old small fry, rush to move chairs! How happy they are when they are called strongmen! Of course, public recognition of masculinity is worth a lot...

Outdoor games

This is truly a problem, because not all families have housing conditions that allow their child to be fed motor activity. And adults are very tired now, and therefore cannot stand unnecessary noise. However, the boys just need to make noise, play pranks, and compete. Of course, not at night, so that they don’t get overexcited. And, of course, adults need to make sure that the boys’ fuss does not develop into a massacre. But you cannot deprive children of the opportunity to splash out their energy. Especially those who visit kindergarten or go to school. After all, many of them in someone else’s team are holding back with all their might, and if they are forced to toe the line at home, the guys will have a nervous breakdown.

Boys are generally noisier and more militant on average than girls. These are features of gender. And mothers should not suppress this, but ennoble, elevate, and elevate it. Tell your son interesting plot twists in the war game.

Romanticize her by inviting him to mentally travel back to the old days, to imagine himself as an ancient Russian knight, a Scandinavian Viking or a medieval knight. Make him cardboard armor and a sword for this. Buy some colorful, interesting book or video tape that will make his imagination work.

Where does the hero live?

Speaking about the education of masculinity, we cannot ignore the issue of heroism. What to do? It just so happened that the upbringing of boys in Russia has always been not just courageous, but truly heroic. And because we often had to fight. And because only very hardy, persistent people could survive in such a harsh climate as ours. Almost all Russian writers paid tribute to the theme of the feat. We can say that this is one of the leading themes of Russian literature. Do you remember how much the heroes of the War of 1812 meant to Pushkin’s contemporaries? And what fame young Tolstoy gained with his stories about the heroic defense of Sevastopol!

There is even a word in the Russian language that has no analogues in many other languages. This word “asceticism” is a feat as a way of life, a life identical to a feat.

The memory of the heroism of our ancestors has been passed down from generation to generation. And each generation left its own heroic mark on history. Times changed, some pages of the past were rewritten, but the general attitude towards heroism remained unchanged. The clearest example of this is the intensive “forging” of new heroes after the revolution. How many poems have been written about them, how many films have been made! Heroes and heroic cults were created, implanted, and supported. The “holy place” was never empty.

What was this for? – Firstly, children’s acquaintance with the exploits of their ancestors aroused in them involuntary respect for their elders. And this significantly simplified the task of educators, because the basis of pedagogy is the authority of adults. You can equip classrooms with the latest computers, you can develop highly scientific, effective techniques. But if students don’t think anything of their teachers, it won’t be of any use. Unfortunately, many parents have been able to see this in recent years.

And secondly, it is impossible to raise a normal man if you do not show him romantic examples of heroism in childhood and adolescence. Look at kids five or six years old. How their eyes light up when they hear the word “feat”! How happy they are if they are called daredevils. It would seem, where does this come from? After all, heroism is not held in high esteem now.

Nowadays you can hear much more often that risking yourself in the name of high ideals is at least unreasonable. But the fact of the matter is that in such moments the mechanisms of the unconscious are activated. In the soul of every boy there lives a vague image of a real man. This is inherent in nature itself, and for normal development boys need this image to gradually become reality, finding its embodiment in specific people. Moreover, it is important that the heroes be familiar, easily recognizable, and close. Then it is easier for the boys to relate them to themselves, it is easier to look up to them.

And now, perhaps for the first time in Russian history, someone from the past is growing up and has absolutely no idea about the heroes of our time. Not because they don't exist in nature. It’s just that adults suddenly decided that heroics were outdated. And they tried to do without her.

Now we are reaping the first fruits, and although the harvest is not yet fully ripe, we have something to think about.

A prize for dad's savior!

Several years ago we developed a questionnaire for teenagers on heroism. The questions there are simple, but very revealing. For example: “Are heroes needed?”, “Would you like to be like any hero? If yes, then for whom?”, “Have you ever dreamed of accomplishing a feat?” Until recently, most boys answered in the affirmative. Now they write “no” more and more often.

In the last teenage group with which we worked, seven boys out of nine (!) said that heroes are not needed, they do not want to be like heroes and do not dream of heroism. But the girls answered all three questions: “Yes.”

Even a auxiliary school student wrote that if the world is left without heroes, there will be no one to save people. So the girls’ ideas about heroism turned out to be all right. But this is some small consolation. We were especially impressed by the answer to the last question. If you remember, in the early 90s a ferry sank in the Baltic Sea. And during the disaster, a fifteen-year-old boy saved his father. Then they wrote a lot about this, and one of the youth newspapers turned to the boy with a call to respond - they wanted to give him a prize. The idea of ​​receiving a prize for rescue own father seemed so wild and immoral to us that we could not help but react to it. And they included in the questionnaire a question about the legality of awarding a person a prize for saving the pope. Just a couple of years ago, almost all teenagers wrote that, of course, no prize was needed. And many explained: “The greatest reward is that my father remained alive.” Now opinions are divided. In the already mentioned teenage group, the girls again answered normally, and the boys demanded rewards. How do you like these defenders of family and country?

Romantics from the high road

But on the other hand, the youthful craving for romance is ineradicable. This is a mandatory stage in the development of personality. If it is not passed, a person cannot develop normally. Moreover, first of all, oddly enough, this affects intellectual development, which suddenly slows down. For oligophrenics, for example, a loss of the romantic phase is generally characteristic (one of the most famous psychiatrists, Prof. G.V. Vasilchenko, wrote about this).

So, having rejected real heroism, many teenagers are still looking for it. But they find only surrogates, as is irrefutably evidenced by the increase in juvenile crime. By closing the teen clubs, we simply pushed the kids out into the back alleys.

By canceling the game of “Zarnitsa”, they doomed them to a much more harmful and sucking game of mafia, which for many is quickly becoming not a game, but a familiar way of life.

Well, for the calmer, “homely” guys, the rejection of the traditional orientation towards heroism turned out to be fraught with an increase in fears. And that means low self-esteem, because even little boys already understand that it’s a shame to be a coward. And they experience their cowardice very painfully, although sometimes they try to hide it under the guise of feigned indifference.

It is very typical that the guys who denied the need for heroism in the questionnaires, on the one hand, were panicky afraid of the “cool”, and on the other, imitated the single-celled heroes of American action films. And among the heroic character traits they named cruelty, intransigence towards the enemy and the willingness to do anything to achieve their goal. Just imagine what kind of men will surround us if this continues for another ten years.

Sometimes - although quite rarely - you hear: “So what? Let it be whatever it is. If only he stayed alive.”

But a man must respect himself, otherwise life will not be pleasant for him. He can live without many things, but he cannot live without respect.

"Hooray!" - my seven-year-old son shouted when he found out that he had older sister baby was born. “I was the youngest in our family, and now I’m an uncle! I WILL FINALLY BE RESPECTED.”

Even for a degenerate drunk, the most important thing is to be respected. This, coupled with drink, is what he is looking for in the company of drinking buddies. What kind of self-respect can we talk about if a man is unable to protect his family and his country? If any bandit who knows how to shoot can dictate terms to him, and the girls will contemptuously call him a coward?

“Chastity, honesty and mercy without courage are virtues with reservations,” said the American writer C. Lewis. And it’s hard to disagree with this.

Sunflower effect

“Well, okay,” someone will say. “I agree, a boy should be able to stand up for himself.” Let him be bold, but in moderation. Why heroism?

But man is so constructed that his development is impossible without striving for the ideal. Just as a sunflower reaches its head towards the sun and wilts in cloudy weather, so a person finds more strength in himself to overcome difficulties when a high goal looms before him. The ideal, of course, is unattainable, but by striving for it, a person becomes better. And if you lower the bar, then there will be no desire to overcome yourself. Why stress when, in general, I’m already at my goal? When will this happen?

What, for example, will happen if a child in the first grade is not aimed at the ideal of penmanship - calligraphic writing? If you let him write a blunder without really trying? – As a matter of fact, we see results at every step, because in many schools they did just that, deciding that there was no point in spending six months on mastering copybooks, but it was better to quickly teach children continuous writing. As a result, schoolchildren for the most part write like a chicken with its paw. Unlike their grandparents, who even after a simple rural school had quite passable handwriting.

Is it possible to learn a foreign language if you do not focus on the ideal of mastering the language perfectly so that it becomes native? In fact, this ideal is almost unattainable. Even highly professional translators will still be inferior in some ways to a native speaker who has absorbed it since childhood. But if they do not strive for perfection, then they will not make translators. They will remain at the level of people who can barely explain themselves in a store, and even then only with the help of gestures.

Exactly the same story happens with the education of courage. Not everyone can become a hero. But by initially lowering the bar, or even discrediting heroism in the eyes of a child, we will raise a coward who will not be able to stand up for himself or for his loved ones. Moreover, he will provide an ideological basis for his cowardice: they say, why resist evil when it is irresistible anyway? And vice versa, if you “appoint” a coward as a hero, he will gradually begin to pull himself up in order to justify this high title. There are many examples I can give, but I will limit myself to just one.

Vadik was terribly afraid of injections. Even when approaching the clinic, he threw a tantrum, and in the doctor’s office they had to hold him together - three of them - with such force he fought off the nurse. Neither persuasion, nor promises, nor threats helped. At home, Vadik promised anything, but when he saw the syringe he could no longer control himself. And then one day it all happened again. The only difference is that dad, who met Vadik and his mother on the street, quietly said to his wife: “Let you tell me that Vadik behaved heroically. Let's see how he reacts."

“Come on,” my mother agreed. No sooner said than done. Hearing about his heroism, Vadik was at first taken aback, but then, having overcome his amazement, he agreed. And soon I sincerely believed that he calmly allowed himself to be given an injection! The parents chuckled to themselves, considering it just a funny incident. But then we saw that Vadik’s behavior in the clinic began to change. The next time he himself went into the office, and although he cried, unable to bear the pain, it happened without shouting or fighting. Well, after a couple more times I managed to cope with the tears. The fear of injections was overcome.

And if the father had not appointed his son a hero, but began to shame him, Vadik would have once again become convinced of his insignificance, and his hands would have completely given up.

I owe everything good in me to books.

One of the main sources of transmission of traditions in Russia still remains. Even now, when children begin to read less. Therefore, it is very important to carry out any education, including the education of courage, on the basis of interesting, talentedly written books. There is a sea of ​​heroic literature, you can’t count it all. I will name only a few works. For preschool and junior boys school age You will probably like “The Adventures of Emil of Lenniberg” by A. Lindgren, “The Chronicles of Narnia” by C. Lewis, “The Wind in the Willows” by K. Graham.

The names of Soviet writers: Olesha, Kataev, Rybakov, Kassil, etc. are on everyone’s lips. L. Panteleev has a whole series of stories about his exploits. And Russian classics paid full tribute to the theme of courage and male nobility. In addition, our entire (and not only ours!) history is replete with examples of heroism. Moreover, examples can be selected to suit every taste.

These are the lives of saints and biographies of great commanders, stories about the exploits of soldiers and the stories of ordinary civilians, who, by the will of fate, suddenly faced the need to protect their homeland from the encroachments of enemies (for example, the feat of Ivan Susanin). So there is material on which to raise boys to be real men. There would be a desire.

Tatyana Shishova

Upbringing little man is a rather responsible and complex process in which everyone is involved: teachers, parents, society.

At all times, the problem of education has been very acute; specialists, parents, and public figures have tried to solve it, developing recommendations and scientific works.
But even now the correct unified solution has not been found. After all, each child is an individual with his own character: excitable or calm, assiduous or restless, so it is impossible to develop a single recipe for education. It is only possible, using general fundamental principles, to apply an individual approach to the child, in accordance with his innate characteristics.

What is education

In modern pedagogy, there are two semantic definitions of education: broad and narrow.

The concept of “education” in a broad sense is defined as a systematic, purposeful process of joint influence of teachers and parents on both sides of a person, physical and spiritual, in such a way as to develop the personality, prepare for life in society and participation in all spheres of activity: cultural, industrial, social . In other words, upbringing involves transferring accumulated social experience and family traditions to the child.

It is noted that we should not forget that the formation and development of personal characteristics is greatly influenced by the surrounding cultural environment and the environment in which a person finds himself outside of family and school.

The concept of “education” in the narrow sense includes the development, under the guidance of teachers and family members, of character, moral and ethical position and positive qualities of social behavior of a member of society.

Teenage education

In the period from eleven to eighteen years, serious changes occur in the child’s body: hormonal background makes you grow up physically. At the same time, it influences the psycho-emotional state of children, they grow up.

In this regard, raising teenagers is a rather difficult task, which, unfortunately, not everyone is able to cope with: a lot of patience, attention and understanding from the adult environment is required.

Changes in the child’s psyche most often have the following features:

• reality is perceived as critically as possible;
• new, not always positive, idols become role models;
• behavior is subject to frequent mood swings;
• Form your own personal opinion on various issues;
• Depending on upbringing and living environment, a craving for crime, drug use, persistent lack of appetite, etc. may appear.

But a serious problem of upbringing does not arise with every teenager, and this is connected not only with the individual innate qualities of the child. Previous upbringing and relationships between family members are of great importance in this.

If the child had enough love, parental warmth, care and hugs, but at the same time the parents did not give in to his whims, then the child is unlikely to have the idea of ​​engaging in criminal activity or forgetting himself.

Also important is how confidentially and democratically the parents communicated with the baby. The closer the relationship, the more likely it is that the teenager will continue to have it, which will allow him to share his experiences with his parents.

Therefore, when trying to answer the question of how to raise a teenager, we must not forget that this process begins long before the problem age arrives. General recommendation to help parents - become an example for a teenager.

The importance of family education

Very often, children, with their behavior, force their parents into a stupor: they simply do not know what to do next. And one of these character traits of a child is hysteria.

Some try to resolve the issue by shouting, while others use physical force. Only the result is usually zero, and in a similar situation everything is repeated.

Most often, the reason for this behavior is problems of family education, that is, inconsistency and inconsistency in the actions of adults that directly affect the development of the baby. This may be expressed in the following:

• once they were allowed to do something, and the second time they were forbidden;
• decrease in authority;
• one family member allows you to turn on the TV loudly (stomping in puddles, jumping on the bed, not finishing dinner, going to bed late, etc.), but the other does not.

This happens again because each family member grew up and was brought up in different conditions and developed its own principles and rules.

Thus, everyone tries to carry out the education process in their own way, personally. No one has canceled their personal view of things here, but in order not to harm the baby, it is important for everyone to coordinate their actions without conflicts: discuss points of view, develop common approaches, discuss situations.

Organization of the educational process

It has long been proven that the formation of a person’s personality is directly dependent on relationships and upbringing in the family, which are the fundamental basis of all subsequent life. And a person’s attitude towards various life situations will depend on the reliability and strength of this foundation.

Therefore, it is important to build relationships so that the problems of family education disappear, are resolved peacefully and have the least impact on the child.

The educational process is easiest in large families, since the attention of relatives is distributed evenly, and the elders look after the younger ones. IN big family there is a natural adaptation to communication and life in a team, learning to care and friendship.

The composition and structure of the family are of paramount importance for the child. No grandparents can replace mom or dad. That's why special attention requires the process of education in single-parent families.

When a child becomes aware of this situation, it becomes painful and he may become withdrawn. It is important to protect the child from adult ambitions and conflicts and try to surround him with even more attention.

Patriotic education

Several years ago, due to various circumstances, there was a weakening of attention to patriotic work on the part of the state. As a result, less attention has been paid to this issue in kindergartens, schools and universities.

But now the situation is changing, and the question is how to educate patriotic personality, becomes relevant again.

In pedagogy, patriotism is defined as the most important value, which is expressed not only in historical, cultural and military-ideological aspects, but also as a spiritual, moral and social characteristic.

The implementation of patriot education is facilitated by:

• experimental research work on the history of the war years;
• organization of school museums;
• involving children in working with veterans and more.

But contradictions and problems at the same time patriotic education are manifested in the fact that if they want to carry out this work, educational institutions do not have sufficient conditions and opportunities for its implementation.

This applies not only to the material and technical base, but also to timely updating methodological manuals, establishing contacts with families on these issues. There is also an extreme lack of trained specialists and extensive media coverage of patriotism issues.

Current problems of education

Modern pedagogy divides education into four types:

1. Dictatorship is the systematic suppression of dignity by older children or adults, personal qualities and initiatives. The result is resistance, fears, lack of confidence and lowered self-esteem, reluctance to do anything.
2. Non-interference (inaction) - providing the child with complete freedom. The problem with education using this method is that it develops detachment from the family, distrust and suspicion.
3. Overprotection is the complete provision of the child and at the same time protecting him from emerging difficulties. Using this method, parents cultivate egocentrism, lack of independence, and weakness in decision-making.
4. Cooperation is based on common interests, support, and joint activities. This style leads to independence, equality, and family unity.

Usually in families there is a clash of all styles, which is the main problem of education.
To solve this, it is important to understand that you need to use all styles. But only their symbiosis, and not confrontation, will make it possible to avoid even bigger problems.

How to raise boys

Almost all parents of sons have a question about how to raise a boy to be a decent and courageous person.

Many people don’t even know how important the care and love of a father is for a son, and not just his mother’s. Men believe that they should not show such feelings, but in the meantime they relieve tension and allow the relationship to be sincere.

In our age, full of events and crises, modern children, more than ever, need communication with their parents.

For a boy, it becomes a necessity to go with his dad to the park, ride a bike, make a birdhouse, help his mother, and you never know what other masculine activities you can find! Communication with the older generation is also important. Such continuity will make it possible to transfer this style to your family in the future.

Also, activities in sports or tourist sections will be useful for the development of a boy, which will strengthen not only and not so much his health, but his character.

Raising a girl

It is no secret that the characteristics of raising boys and girls are somewhat different, and this is connected not only with gender, but also with life tasks.

The girl tries in everything to be like her mother, who is an example for her daughter. From her she learns to communicate with her husband, men and others, how to manage a household, receive guests, celebrate holidays and much more. Therefore, it is important for mom to monitor her manner of speaking and her actions.

Friends, relatives and acquaintances also influence upbringing. It is important to emphasize in the eyes of a girl positive traits, the dignity of people and the fact that the mother would like to see them in her daughter. She will definitely try to fulfill her mother’s wishes.

Raising teenagers requires special attention. You need to try to unobtrusively be aware of your daughter’s interests at this age, know her circle of friends and acquaintances, so that, if necessary, point out shortcomings and adjust her attachments. To do this, you can draw the girl’s attention to the heroes of books or films.

Also important for a future housewife is doing handicrafts, household chores, and cooking. From her mother she can learn how to take care of herself, style and taste in things.

A special role is assigned to the father in raising a girl; he, like the mother, should give her flowers, give her a hand, congratulate her on the holidays, give her compliments and more. This will save your daughter from fears and communication complexes in the future.

Theoretical foundations of education

Although the theory and methodology of education are designed to solve the same problem, they approach this using completely different methods.

Education theory is divided into three main groups (the rest are derivatives):

1. Biogenic. This direction is based on the fact that personality traits are hereditary and almost not subject to change.
2. Sociogenic. It is argued that only social factors influence personality development.
3. Behavioral. It is believed that personality is skills and behavioral habits.

Apparently, it would be fair to say that the truth is contained somewhere in the middle.

Parenting methods and styles

Over the years of the existence of psychology and pedagogy, many styles and methods of education have been proposed; we will consider the most popular ones in more detail.

Modern children in Japan are brought up on the principles of division into time periods, in each of which a certain set of qualities develops. Until the age of five, absolutely everything is allowed, and upon reaching this age and up to fifteen years, the child is placed within strict limits, the violation of which causes family and public censure. After fifteen years, a person is considered old enough to communicate as equals.

Since the sixties of the last century, the popularity of the Nikitins’ technique, which takes early physical development children as the basis for harmonious upbringing.

The equally used Walfdor method of raising children is based on spiritual and creative development and the use of only natural materials.

Glenn Doman's educational method is considered a method early development kids and the recipe by which geniuses are raised. The basis of this method is development from birth. The system requires a lot of time and self-discipline from parents, but in the end it produces amazing results.

The Maria Montessori method of education is another widely used system. This method is to encourage the child to act independently, analyze and correct errors. In the game, he himself decides what and how much to do, and the functions of teachers are to help the child do everything himself.

The main thing for all directions is systematic training and following one system, and not jumping using different methods.

Parents often ask a very important question: should the upbringing of boys and girls be different? The answer is clear: definitely! Education should be different.
At any age, boys require much more trust, and girls expect more care.
The boy will be proud if he can act independently. Therefore, he needs to be given the opportunity to achieve something more often, without help from adults, and the child will gradually gain confidence in his abilities and feel his importance. If the mother asks the baby to tie his shoelaces, most likely the boy will resist this, because he likes to do it himself. If the same is offered to a girl, she will feel love first. That is, a girl will perceive an offer of help as care, and a boy – as trust.
The mother’s excessive concern for satisfying one or another need of the boy is often interpreted by him as the mother’s lack of faith in his strength and that he can do something on his own. And if the father is too confident in his daughter’s ability to act independently and often leaves her to do everything herself, she will most likely begin to think that he does not want to take care of her. If a girl is given excessive independence, left without care, she can interpret this in her own way: she is pushed away, not loved, offended. A boy, on the contrary, often becomes inspired by this attitude of his parents, because he feels that they value his independence and believe that he is able to take care of himself and do everything wonderful.
Excessive maternal concern and care often make sons weak. Fathers often neglect their daughters' need for care, too often leaving them to act on their own. Parents should never forget that boys will form a positive opinion of themselves only on the basis of trust, and girls - on the basis of care and attention received from communicating with people.
It would be useful for parents to refer to John Gray’s book “Children from Heaven” on this issue. Education Lessons", where the author highlights several important aspects in and boys.

1. Boys, in response to their actions and independence, require more recognition, attention, and love. Girls want to be understood and loved for who they are, what desires and feelings they have.
2. It is important for boys to feel and realize that their achievements are beneficial and delight others. Appreciate their work. Admire girls and love them simply for being who they are.
3. Boys need more motivation and approval in any activity. Girls need more support and help.
4. A boy (and a man) is happy when he understands that he cannot do without him, that he is able to help and support. And he will definitely become discouraged if he feels useless or unable to complete the necessary task. A girl (woman) is happy when she feels that she will always receive the necessary support. She will become despondent, feeling that no one will help her.
5. Boys will care about someone and strive for activity, especially if they are trusted, believed in and approved of. Girls will only trust someone and feel confident when they are cared for, understood and respected.

How in younger age, and in school and student years, female education predominates, because more often there are female educators and teachers nearby. Involuntarily, children internalize a woman's view of the world, women's life attitudes.
However, the most important person in a boy's life, is the father. He is the main example in raising a boy. If a father does not hide his irritation, dissatisfaction or impatience when communicating with his son, then the boy will begin to experience awkwardness and uncertainty around him, and then among other boys and men.
A future man needs a feeling of success, leading to increased self-esteem and self-confidence. He will be able to gain such experience of success with the help of his father. Good parent will always try to create situations for his son where he can show his skills and abilities, making sure to complete the task. At the same time, he will always note his son’s success and praise him.
If a father wants to achieve certain results from his son, then first of all he needs to “infect” him with business, instill interest in him by his own example. The joint activities of a boy and his father have a beneficial effect on the healthy personal growth of the future man.
It is wrong to think that boys need less affection and physical contact. A teenager will enjoy a paternal pat on the shoulder, or even better, wrestle and jostle with him. Children, regularly feeling the support of their parents and constant manifestations of love, live with a more developed sense of internal security.