"Generators unusual ideas", "masters of the family nest" and "desperate friends" - this is all about them, the Arabs. They are also spoiled, boastful and unpredictable. Personal experience girls, but not wives.
Oksana L. has been dating a resident of Jordan for four years, who came to Kyiv to study and earn money, and tells how she and her friend manage to combine such different views of the East and West.
About friendship and personal boundaries
We always have guests at our house. At any moment, a friend or just an acquaintance can call and come to our home in the middle of the night.
Naturally, as a woman, I need to set the table and make sure everyone is full and happy. Sometimes the house resembles some kind of Arab camp, and not a family nest.
If a friend needs help, they are ready to rush to him in the middle of the night.
They are always ready to help out a friend, come where they need to, pick them up, lend money.
They are not jealous of friends. My friend is very jealous, but this only applies to our Slavic guys and men, although I don’t give a reason. He trusts his own people. In any case, his friends, understanding who we are to each other, never allowed themselves even harmless flirting.
About work
They prefer conversations to business - long conversations over hookahs. These are real philosophers who are ready to reason and plan for hours. Although this time could be spent on constructive actions rather than chatter, most of which will be forgotten the next day. Eastern men have this problem: their conversations often diverge from their actions. They promise a lot, and they themselves sincerely believe in what they say. Plans can change dramatically, or mood, or something else, and promises will remain just words.
Arab men need to be encouraged - this is how they become inspired and are ready to move mountains for the sake of their family. This applies in particular to work. It is important for them to feel that a woman believes in their strengths and capabilities.
Generators of unusual ideas. In the four years I've known my man, he's started all sorts of businesses. Cafe, transportation of dogs and birds from Ukraine, which are in demand in his homeland in Jordan, processing semi-precious stones etc. But he didn’t bring any ideas to completion. I didn’t initially calculate the risks, I acted based on momentary desires, passion and emotions.
Many people do not value their parents' money. Young people live and have fun at the expense of their parents, and do not know the value of money earned not by their own labor.
Attitude towards women
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Most Arabs are spoiled by their mother's attention, love care and are often selfish. They like to surround themselves with everything beautiful and are avid fashionistas. They love to dress up: stylish clothes, shoes, an abundance of rings and bracelets. Favorite clients of barbershops: stylish beard, gelled hair, expensive perfumes.
They love to educate, and if they fail, they can use force. They put pressure on me morally. Very hot-tempered. Any little thing can set them off. At the same time, their woman should admire them.
They love to brag about their woman to their friends - they tell them what a housewife she is, caring and a jack of all trades. It is important for them that others admire their woman, and therefore automatically admire them.
It is difficult to offer our men to live together - they are afraid for their freedom. Arab men, on the contrary, want the girl they like to be constantly in their sight. At home, nearby, close by. They are ready to protect and care for her, although they demand a lot in return.
Very generous. If possible, they give gifts to a woman, they love broad gestures, and are absolutely not stingy.
They value independence in our women, the fact that a woman can take care of herself, earn money and does not depend on a man as much as possible. In his homeland, women mostly stay at home and do housework.
There is a minus. Monogamy is not for Eastern men. How many times have I seen how families arab men They're after our girls. When my wife calls, they hang up or don’t pick up. And when they call back, they sing like a nightingale, as they love, and lie exquisitely about why they couldn’t answer. Treason is not considered as such for them. This is the norm eastern men.
About everyday life
My friend definitely won’t eat borscht for three days in a row, although he really loves my borscht. Arab men are very demanding and capricious in everyday life, like children and often dependent. If we talk about my man, he can clean and cook even better than me. But it is important for him to see that they care about him and do something for him.
I’m used to Russian cuisine, but my love for hummus and flatbreads remains unchanged.
Loves cleanliness, but not to the point of fanaticism. She understands that we both work a lot and come home very late, so we don’t always have the physical strength to clean and cook at night.
About children and family
My man is ready to coddle with every child, but I’m not sure he’ll get up in the middle of the night for his own. This is the wife's responsibility. And the man pampers his child and pays attention to him during short games. All other delights of education fall on the shoulders of the woman.
When married to a Christian, there is no choice in what religion they choose. joint child- he is a priori born a Muslim. Especially if we are talking about a boy.
My man’s parents are wealthy and ready to support him, but he, having matured, when the youthful frenzy had passed and partying with friends was no longer a priority, wanted to prove to his family that he could get on his own feet.
A negative attitude towards alcohol remains - despite the love for discos (already in the past) and hookah smoking (this is part of traditions). He doesn't respect it when a woman drinks, even in company.
About future
After living with an Arab man, it’s strange to see how our women treat their Russian husbands. It’s crazy to see the disrespectful attitude and desire to be in charge at times. My views on what a woman should be like in a relationship with any man have changed.
I don’t know where this relationship will lead - Russian girls are more freedom-loving, ambitious and active. I wouldn’t want to be completely dependent on my husband...
But Arab men are like sweet nectar. You can’t get drunk, but even when you drink it becomes too cloying that you want plain water. But after nectar it seems tasteless. I’m like a tightrope walker halfway: I can’t go back, but the unknown lies ahead...
Every year Iraq improves its attractions, but they are still not ideal. Although few people visit this country due to the not particularly calm situation. Most of the attractions are located in Baghdad. There is also the “Golden Mosque” in which Musa al-Kadim is buried.
Every tourist will feel good in this country, as Iraqi citizens are very hospitable and attentive. This behavior may even be a little shocking. foreign citizen. The men of this country adore Russian women and strive to create families with them. As a rule, a girl wants to be taken care of. Such men are hard to find, but Iraqi guys are these desirable partners for starting a family. They will be able to support you in any situation and prove the sincerity of your feelings.
Another positive quality an Iraqi is literate speech. For the sake of the woman he loves, a man from Iraq is capable of doing a lot to make her happy. There is no need to talk about the care of local citizens, because in the very first days the woman herself will feel it.
A few more qualities that local young people possess are good manners, honesty, reliability, accuracy, generosity and prudence. Not all men, as you know, have such traits, so the girl who marries a local citizen will most likely be in seventh heaven.
Features of Iraqi families
In Iraq, as in many Arab states, there are strong family customs And
and life values, in which purity of soul, nobility and honesty come first.
According to the rules of the Muslim world, everyone must remain honest with others and with themselves. Cheating in this country is the worst sin. In Iraq, it is customary to honor elders and take care of children.
Due to the strict rules in relation to representatives of both sexes in this country, many people here perceive everything differently than citizens of other countries, which also have Islam as their main religion.
In this country, a girl must honor her husband, listen and obey him. In this sense, all girls receive the same upbringing; from early childhood, they are given the concept of a man as a ruler who must be respected, loved and, of course, pleased. Although in reality the relationship between husband and wife is completely different.
This does not mean that women do not respect their husbands. Everything is different here, girls give all the love and affection they are capable of, but also show the greatest respect for their spouse. Let us note that men respond in kind, without treating women disdainfully, as is the case in other similar states. We can say that peace and understanding reign in the families here. All these rules are the same for all people, they are clearly visible in personal and public life
In the country, there are separate norms of behavior and rules for women and men. At first glance it may seem that there are too many restrictions and prohibitions for girls, but this is not so; men have a much longer list mandatory rules which are of great importance in their lives.
Local citizens do not like crowds, noise and crowds of people, as well as when they talk loudly. A quiet lifestyle is acceptable for them. It is not customary in the country to show feelings of anger and irritation. Even in a family, such norms of behavior are unacceptable,
therefore, conflicts never occur in the house.
Iraqis are reserved; they believe that it is better to refrain from quarrels and shouting, so as not to waste their nerves on unnecessary conflicts. All family members should know when to end an argument so as not to cross the line.
If we talk about women, then they have their own standards of morality and behavior. The main thing is that a girl should always remain pure and beneficent. IN in public places she has no right to wear clothes that are too loose or have her hair open. Here the girls wear veils that cover everything except a small part of the face and hands.
Communication with representatives of the stronger sex is prohibited. The exception is conversations with young people from your family on serious topics. It is allowed to communicate with your spouse as equals, but only when the husband and wife are alone. In society, you must follow all the rules of behavior.
Women in this country rarely communicate with their father and mother. Girls are not allowed to leave the house alone; parents do not have the habit of coming to their daughter’s husband’s house. In this country they don’t come without an invitation. If the husband himself called the parents, then they go, but this happens very rarely. The locals certainly respect family relationships, but the newlyweds want to live separately from their relatives in order to be able to spend more time alone.
After the baby arrives, of course, there will be a lot of people in the house, so the newlyweds want to live in a separate apartment or house at least for the first time. Parents are not against such a solution to the issue, so they help the young as much as they can. Some people buy housing as a gift to their newly formed family.
Even before marriage, young people can purchase housing. It is very important that the newlyweds begin their independent lives, without the advice and tips of close relatives.
I have a completely unusual problem. The husband is a foreigner (Arab)! It would seem that I should rejoice at such exoticism, but to the fact that he absolutely does not want to understand my habits and desires (even though he speaks excellent Russian), another “joy” is added - he is trying to make me an oriental woman. We don’t go to clubs, I’ve lost friends and girlfriends (they “drink and lead a riotous lifestyle,” in his words), staying late at work is a crime, I have to pay all my attention only to him (and not vice versa), and so on. , in the same spirit. Please advise and explain what should I do? At the age of 20 I turn into a home hen! Youth is passing me by! (Julia, 20 years old)
My husband is Arab... 02.11.05
Our experts' opinions
ALYONA:
Yul, wasn’t it possible to think about such a prospect before getting married? You weren't forced into marriage, were you? And you took this step at the age of 20 not because “nobody gets married anymore.” Marrying a foreigner is a serious step. And marriage with a person belonging to Eastern culture is very serious. My friend had a dizzying five-year affair with an Arab. They even lived together. But when he left Russia, he did not ask her to marry - she was too freedom-loving, she would not have fit into his family, and would have become the cause of serious conflicts. And she herself did not want the fate of being a recluse in a foreign country. That’s when they decided that their relationship, due to the difference in cultures, was unpromising. And they remained friends, sometimes they correspond, but recently very rarely. If you were not ready to become an “Oriental woman,” then what did you expect from marriage to a purebred Arab man? Honestly, it’s difficult to advise you anything. What role you will have in your intercultural family should have been agreed upon before the wedding... And now... In fact, there are only two ways. The first is to get into character. Basically, who said that if you don't go to parties, meet friends, etc., then your youth will pass you by? It's just a matter of taste - everyone spends their youth the way they like best. Some in clubs, some with a textbook in hand, some in creativity, some in the family. There are many options. Choose an alternative for yourself. For example, start learning Arabic, read more about the culture of the East, about its traditions, customs, rituals - I understand that you have not done this before. Take up traditional handicrafts - Eastern women are great craftsmen. Study the traditions of oriental hospitality, organize oriental “decent” evenings in your home, so that your husband is happy and you can communicate with your friends... In general, join your husband’s culture and accept his rules of the game, because It’s completely pointless to expect him to convert to Orthodoxy, start drinking, smoking, eating pork and going to parties with your friends. You won’t be able to re-educate your husband, convince him that “a woman is also a spectator.” The East is a delicate matter, where gender relations are already fixed almost at the genetic level. Perhaps he will make concessions on some things, but only for the time being. Until, for example, you have a baby. Then you will also be banned from going to work. And if you are not happy with this prospect, get a divorce. You got married according to Russian laws, which means you can get a divorce the same way. Moreover, it’s better now, before you have children. By the way, is your marriage valid in his country?
SERGEY:
Stop. Who told you that you should rejoice at “such exoticism”? Have you read enough fairy tales and watched enough cartoons? Only in life, more often than not, it turns out that you marry Aladdin, but have to live with Jaffar. You married a representative of a completely different cultural model of the world order. For what? Judging by the question, do you have any idea what " Eastern woman". But still, for some reason, you chose him. And, most likely, precisely because he doesn’t drink, doesn’t smoke, doesn’t lead a “reckless lifestyle”, he’s generous. Well, then enjoy what you’ve acquired. She’ll get married herself I went in my right mind, so to speak. True, I would like to remind you that you have to pay for everything. And the price is to live according to your husband’s laws, but get used to it. Oh... I really want to believe that you didn’t get yourself into trouble. Krasnodar tomatoes." You know, I have nothing against Arabs. There are a lot of good guys. I am friends with some. But! Our views on women and their place under the chandelier are diametrically opposed. And this is for me. For a man. To be a friend, or, in your case, friend, this is one thing. But as a wife, Islam is completely different. harsh reality for woman. For example, you know that according to "Sharia law" married woman has no right to remove the veil"? Or that in some countries the death penalty is still applied to a woman who cheated on her husband? I have no doubt that Eastern men love Russian women. Look at any beach in the resort areas of civilized Egypt - there is a pilgrimage of locals men to the beaches. They just sit like gophers and watch. Because there are no other places. And in the UAE, the guy and the girl held hands on the street. They didn’t kill them right away. judge to swear that the guys will get married. And these are still flowers. Why did you need this? Well, bad romance, in my opinion. My advice to you: don’t leave Russia. here the maximum that your husband can do is show dissatisfaction, because you are a citizen of Russia and live in Russian laws. If you leave, you will live by completely different laws. And, something tells me, you won’t be delighted.
Oksana Yesenina
Why do Arabs choose Russian wives?
Now this question worries a lot of people. But no one has yet been able to give a comprehensive answer to it. What do Arabs find in our Russian girls? Why are they ready to close their eyes to her “free” past and go against family traditions, and just love her in spite of the whole world?
What makes the heart of hot Arab men pound more and more at the sight of their Russian “Natasha”? Beauty? Unbridled passion combined with decorous calm and modesty? Mystery, contrary to incorruptible simplicity and deep sincerity? Or is it simply a tribute to fashion to have a foreign wife?
In order to somehow clarify and understand the reasons for the significant increase in Russian-Arab marriages, let’s try to compare the requirements of an Eastern man with the qualities of his potential companion.
What do Arab men expect from marriage?
Like any other man, an Arab expects to receive from marriage: a reliable union, warm and trusting relationship, and of course, the high status of a respected married man.
But in addition to all these human desires, the eastern representative of the strong half of humanity, coupled with mental balance and moral stability, also dreams of finding love, mutual understanding, and simply friendly support. Surely your own Arab bride is not able to satisfy at least some of the above requirements?
Arab wives. What are they?
Of course, they are thrifty, obligatory, submissive and sweet. It would seem, what else is needed for successful family happiness? But after two or three years life together, all movements oriental beauties become so exhausted that looking at them becomes boring and uninteresting.
It's no secret that Arab women for the most part approach family life with some calculation. And the point here is not entirely about prenuptial dowry or dowry. Her family life is, first of all, enormous physical work, a kind of payment to her husband for his kind attitude towards her and material support. In the morning, she makes breakfast, sees her husband off to work with a sweet smile, washes, cleans, and then, having spoken to her beloved with the usual set of standard phrases, ends her work day.
On the surface, such a relationship seems to be ideal. But every year they begin to become more and more routine; that very romance, the spark of passion that must be maintained throughout life, disappears. Probably, many Arab ladies simply have a slightly one-sided understanding of the expression: “A woman is the keeper of the hearth.” In fact, this phrase has a deeper meaning.
“The hearth” is, first of all, a source of warmth that should not only warm the hearts of lovers, but also, with its playful flame, help stir up the feelings of the spouses throughout their lives, either intensifying or suppressing this uncontrollable element of the fire of passion. Therefore, the main task of any woman, regardless of her temperament and nationality, is to learn to control this very element at her own discretion.
Who knows? Perhaps the Russian woman is her real tamer.
What kind of Russian wives are we?
The Russian woman has at all times been the standard of modesty and devotion. But this devotion was manifested not only in relation to her husband, but also to her household, relatives and the entire Russian people.
She will help you out of trouble, give you wise advice, and shoulder all the hardships and hardships of family life on her fragile shoulders. If only there was a worthy male shoulder nearby, on which you could lean in case of illness, or some other adversity.
But, unfortunately, all the strength of the Russian spirit has disappeared in modern men. Either they are drawn to clubs, or to alcohol, or even change their orientation altogether. So the poor Russian woman has to go to seek her happiness in a foreign land, where she will be gladly received, treated kindly, and then invited to marry.
So the Russian beauty remains to live in a foreign land with her newly-made Arab husband, who, for all her incorruptible devotion and loyalty, will take care of and protect her from all evil. And she will become an exemplary housewife for him, give birth to children, and open her soul to endless kindness.
And all this without any bridewealth or prenuptial gifts. We, Russian women, do not need material benefits. Just let your soul rejoice and rejoice in love and a happy life! Well, we won’t be in debt!
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“People meet, people fall in love, get married.” A variety of people meet and, being nothing to each other, become two halves of one whole.
It happens that you meet people who are different not only in their inner worlds, but also in their country of residence, religion, and traditions.
Let's talk about Russian-Arab marriages. How do such couples meet, what are the difficulties in their relationship, how to understand a person with a different mentality?
In our country, in different cities, according to statistics, about 15 thousand people live from Arab countries. And quite a few of them are married to Russian women.
Most often, such couples meet while studying at the same university, less often in a cafe or cinema, on the streets, at parties with mutual friends, or by chatting on the Internet. Russian women also meet Arabs while on vacation in Arab countries.
What is it about oriental boys that attract Russian girls? Usually Arabs have a bright, memorable appearance, are extremely polite, and create a very pleasant impression of themselves. They know how to look after a girl very beautifully, give expensive gifts, and are very attentive. And a woman, as you know, loves with her ears and eyes.
But what awaits such a couple after they realize that there is love between them? After all, there is so much between them... First of all, it is religion.
Most Arabs are Muslims, and many adhere to Islam quite strictly. Relatives and friends of a young man are often against a Russian bride, especially one of a different religion. A public opinion in the East plays an important role. There are couples whose marriage was never approved by their husband's parents. Such families often live on the territory of our country, the husband visits his homeland alone, and there are cases when he has another family there. That is, his parents, not approving the marriage with a Russian woman, forced their son to marry “their own” again. And since Islam allows a Muslim to have up to four wives, he lives in Russia with one wife, and a second one awaits him at home. Sometimes a Russian bride converts to Islam for the sake of her beloved. Arab relatives are more loyal to such people, especially if the girl has truly sincerely become a Muslim, studies her husband’s religion, performs the obligatory prayer, and dresses in accordance with Sharia norms. But, nevertheless, this is not the last difficulty in relationships.
Of course, in any marriage there are problems, people begin to live together, the habits of one may contradict the habits of another, people adapt to each other. And in a marriage with an Arab, all this is aggravated by the fact that from childhood he was raised on the following principle: a man is the head of the family, his word is law for his wife. And this cannot be eradicated. An Arab's wife must either accept this as a matter of course, or, most likely, the marriage will fall apart sooner or later. We have to step over ourselves, over the way we were raised, over our habits. But for the sake of love for your husband, anything is possible.
Difficulties also arise if the husband takes his wife to his homeland. Not every Russian woman will be able to settle down and fall in love with a foreign country. Some people gradually get used to it and live, while others simply run away or dream of escaping from their husband and all his Arab relatives, but remain married in a foreign land for fear that the husband will not give up the children.
It is a known fact that his family will have a great influence on the husband, so it is very important that the mother-in-law’s attitude towards the Russian daughter-in-law is not bad, much less hostile.
The support of a husband is very important, especially in the first year of a Russian wife’s life in a foreign country. Arabs, like many other eastern nations, often live in the same house with their parents so that the children can be cared for elderly parents. And it’s not easy for the daughter-in-law, of course, and it’s even harder for the foreign daughter-in-law.
If family life continues on the wife’s territory, then problems arise, for example, after the birth of children. A man from the East is most often a very attentive father. This, undoubtedly, is a big plus, but there are also some nuances that lead to quarrels in the family, for example on religious grounds, especially if the spouses belong to different faiths. Thus, there are often cases when a Christian wife would like to baptize a child, but a Muslim husband will undoubtedly be against it, because according to Islam, a child whose father is Muslim is also a Muslim and should be raised according to Islamic traditions. Surely it is the husband who will decide what the child’s name will be, how to raise him, how to dress him, and so on. Not every mother will unconditionally agree to entrust her husband with important aspects raising your baby. Disagreements can be caused by the child’s clothing, feeding – when and what exactly to feed the baby, parenting issues and much more.
It happens that troubles arise due to holidays. Of course, many of us are used to celebrating birthdays, New Year, and in Arab countries not everyone celebrates this. There are only two major holidays in Islam, and both of them are religious. Many Muslims don't celebrate anything else. Many Arab husbands forbid Russian wives to celebrate non-Islamic events and teach their children to do so.
What is important in order to, after going through all the difficulties, maintain love and go through life hand in hand? Probably the most important thing is mutual respect, mutual assistance, and understanding. You need to realize that an Arab man comes from a completely different environment, and it can be difficult for him too. But a husband and wife are still one whole, and this whole must be preserved, no matter how difficult it may be. And then love will not break about family life and all those warm and bright feelings for each other that were sparks at the very beginning of our acquaintance will remain.
