It is good and beneficial for the soul to abstain from marital communication during fasting days, but this should not be against the will of one of the spouses.
Tell me why the current one Orthodox tradition strictly regulates the time of abstinence from marital relations: multiple fasts, Christmastide, the week after Easter, Wednesday and Friday? Why does the apostle say that the time of abstinence from physical relations is up to the spouses themselves, i.e. “according to mutual agreement”, and in the church breaking such fasts is considered a sin?
I know examples where wives refused intimacy with their husbands during fasting. As a result, serious family scandals arose, in the end the wife gave in, and then ran to repent of “incontinence from married life" And we perceive this idea of fasting as a dogma. Moreover, the opinion is being imposed that children conceived during fasting are defective. I know another example when a wife’s attempts to observe such fasts pushed her husband away from Orthodox Church. I think that this case is far from isolated.
Indeed, in the Holy Scriptures there is a rule of the Apostle Paul: “And what you wrote to me about, it is good for a man not to touch a woman. But, in order to avoid fornication, each have his own wife, and each have his own husband. The husband show his wife due favor; likewise is a wife to her husband. The wife has no power over her body, but the husband does; Likewise, the husband has no power over his body, but the wife does. Do not deviate from each other, except by agreement, for a while, to exercise in fasting and prayer, and then be together again, so that Satan does not tempt you with your intemperance. However, I said this as permission, and not as a command. For I wish that all people were like me; but everyone has his own gift from God, one this way, the other another” (). Based on this, the Church has long had a norm of abstinence from marital cohabitation during fasting. But, unlike food prohibitions, for violation of which without a good reason the canons call excommunication from St. Communion (69 rule of the Holy Apostles), the sacred rules say: “Those who marry should be their own independent judges. For they heard Paul writing that it is proper to abstain from each other, by agreement, until the time is right, in order to practice prayer, and then again in life” (4th rule of St.).
The 13th rule of Timothy of Alexandria also says: “Question 13: Those who copulate in the communion of marriage, on which days of the week should they observe abstinence from copulation with each other, and on which days should they have the right to do so?
Answer: before I said, and now I say, the apostle says: do not deprive yourself of each other, only by agreement, for the time being, but remain in prayer: and gather together again, so that Satan does not tempt you with your intemperance (). However, it is necessary to abstain on the Sabbath and Sunday, because on these days a spiritual sacrifice is offered to the Lord.” This prohibition itself is connected with the fact that it is assumed (according to the 8th rule of the Holy Apostles) that a Christian receives communion at every Liturgy, and according to the 5th rule of Timothy of Alexandria, he should not receive communion after marital cohabitation.
The holy fathers who interpreted this verse taught in a similar way. The saint says: “What does this mean? The wife should not, he says, abstain against the will of her husband, and the husband should not abstain against the will of his wife. Why? Because great evil comes from this abstinence; This often resulted in adultery, fornication and domestic disorder. For if others, having their own wives, indulge in adultery, then they will indulge in it all the more if they are deprived of this consolation. Well said: do not deprive yourself; for to abstain to one against the will of another means to deprive, but according to the will - not. Thus, if you take something from me with my consent, it will not be a deprivation for me; he who takes against his will and by force deprives. Many wives do this, violating justice and thereby giving their husbands a reason for debauchery and all leading to frustration. Unanimity should be preferred to everything; it is most important. If you want, we can prove it with experience. Of the two spouses, let the wife abstain, while the husband does not want it. What will happen? Will he not indulge in adultery, or, if he does not commit adultery, will he not grieve, worry, be irritated, be angry and cause a lot of trouble to his wife? What is the use of fasting and abstinence when love is violated? No. How much grief will inevitably arise from this, how much trouble, how much discord! If a husband and wife do not agree with each other in the house, then their house is no better than a ship tossed by waves, on which the helmsman does not agree with the ruler of the helm. Therefore, the Apostle says: do not deprive yourself of each other, only by agreement for the time being, but remain in fasting and prayer. Here he means prayer performed with special care, for if he forbade those who copulate to pray, then how could one fulfill the commandment of unceasing prayer? Therefore, you can have intercourse with your wife and pray: but with abstinence, prayer is more perfect. It’s not easy to say: yes, pray, but: yes, remain in prayer, because the marriage matter only distracts from this, and does not produce defilement. And get together again, so that Satan does not tempt you. So that they do not think that this is a law, he also adds a reason. Which one? Let not Satan tempt you. And so that they know that it is not the devil who is the only perpetrator of adultery, he adds: “through your intemperance” - this is how the saint interprets these words.
The position of those who claim that marriage is possible only when weddings are permitted is completely unjustified. In fact, the ban on weddings on some days is due to the fact that, due to fasting or upcoming holiday services, the wedding feast cannot take place (explanation of St.), and not with the ban on carnal intercourse. Moreover, according to the rules of the ancient Church, marital cohabitation was not approved on the night after the Wedding.
The very attempt to impose marital fasting as obligatory on those days when it is impossible to get married is, in fact, as Chrysostom said, pushing people towards adultery. After all, if you strictly follow the norms put forward by some modern confessors, then it turns out that having marital relations perhaps less than a third of the days a year (from 115 to 140), which will lead (especially in modern depraved times) only to the destruction of families, which, in fact, is what is observed.
Moreover, it is unacceptable to consider children conceived during fasting to be somehow defective or cursed. This statement is not based on Scripture and the writings of the Church Fathers. It condemns without guilt millions of our contemporaries, whom their parents conceived at the “wrong time,” although God says that children do not bear the guilt of their father. All this intimidation is fundamentally contrary to the very spirit of evangelical freedom, which advises but does not impose. Let us recall that the wish for abstinence, according to St. : “not a law, but advice.” But this, of course, does not mean that we neglect the apostolic advice, because the spiritual benefits of abstinence are obvious.
“I was always very outraged by phrases like: “And they lived in purity.” Every Orthodox Christian understands perfectly what it is about, it is so often used both in literature and in colloquial speech. But what about the words of Scripture, “Marriage is honorable and the bed undefiled”? After all, it is logical to conclude that if one state is clean, then the other, on the contrary, is dirt!?”
The other state is not purity, but it is not filthy either. Marriage is the natural state of man in a fallen world, blessed by the Lord in Cana of Galilee. Therefore, in the prayers of the Wedding, we ask that the marriage be honest and the bed clean. But celibacy for the sake of Christ is much higher. This is a supernatural virtue that makes a person equal to the angels. But at the same time, abstinence that occurs due to the suppression of marriage is considered a reason for anathema (14th rule of the Gangra Council, 51st rule of the Holy Apostles).
Hello! Father, thank you for touching on such delicate and at the same time important topics. I have accumulated several similar questions, but I always feel somehow uncomfortable discussing them with the parish priest. If you consider it necessary, perhaps you will answer them. Thank you in advance. And further. I understand that these are not the most important questions in our lives, but I would like to clarify them for myself once and for all in order to avoid embarrassment of all kinds.
1. Is it possible to bring it to Communion in the morning? infant, if there was marital relations at night?
2. Is it even possible to go into the church on this day, venerate the icons, St. relics and approach the anointing, or the person is considered unclean all day (and where is the “immaculate bed”?). Is it possible to light candles and a lamp at home, drink holy and Epiphany water and prosphora?
3. Is the night of Holy Communion considered fast in a marital relationship?
The Apostle Paul said: “marriage is honorable and the bed is undefiled,” the prayers of the Sacrament of Marriage speak about this. Therefore, it is impossible to talk about the uncleanness of the marital bed if there was no sin (any unnatural relationship). Therefore, after marital relations, you can touch any shrine and bring the child to the Holy Chalice. Only participation in St. Communions in accordance with the rule of Timothy of Alexandria. On the day after communion, one must also keep oneself from the proximity of “love for the sake of the heavenly King” (according to the Missal). But nowhere is anything said about the next night. A new day begins and there are no prohibitions on it.
Father, tell me what to do. My husband is not a very churchly person, but a few months ago he said that marital relations in a room where icons hang on the wall are impossible. I asked who told him about this? The answer was: “I know.” But, as far as I know, icons should be in every room. So what should we do then? What if there is only one room? The husband was not convinced by this argument. Could he be right to some extent?
The Apostle Paul said: “Marriage is honorable and the bed undefiled.” Therefore, marital cohabitation cannot in any way desecrate icons. A Christian should always have icons in sight so as not to forget God, Who sees everything. Therefore your husband is wrong. There can and should be icons above the family bed. By the way, you can protect yourself from various abuses of marriage.
Why didn’t the holy fathers leave us strict and clear canons regarding the abstinence of spouses from physical intimacy during one-day and multi-day fasts? The first and main reason is that physical fasting between husband and wife is a very intimate and delicate area. If you introduce strict canons and prohibitions on this matter, many spouses may stumble: not everyone is able to bear the burden of fasting. And therefore, the Church, condescending to the weakness of one of the spouses, calls for understanding towards his half: “The wife has no power over her body, but the husband does; Likewise, the husband has no power over his body, but the wife does. Do not turn away from each other, except by consent for a time, to practice fasting and prayer” (1 Cor. 7: 4-5).But marital fasting is a generally accepted church practice, a rule that must be observed, like other rules and traditions of the Church. The rules for weddings tell us about it (which, by the way, are also not canons), because these instructions have only one purpose - to marry spouses on those days when marital intimacy is allowed. Because both in the days of Bright Week and on Christmastide, it is quite possible to organize feasts and indulge in festive fun. By the way, the rules about weddings are observed very strictly. If any priest were to marry couples, for example, during Lent, this would immediately entail severe punishment from the ruling bishop. Such a priest will first be given a stern warning, and then, if he continues to practice weddings during Lent, he will be banned altogether.
Keeping fasts in intimate relationships should be a matter for spouses mutual consent. There can be no violence against the will of another, as the Apostle Paul tells us. Both in apostolic times and in our time, this is equally relevant, for both then and now there are many marriages where one of the spouses accepted Christianity and lives the life and traditions of the Church, while the other does not yet. And to preserve peace and love, it is recommended to be forgiving of the weakness of another. The priest, when accepting confession, must treat this with understanding. Here is another reason why there are no strict canons and penances on this matter. After all, there would be a great temptation for some overly stern confessors to show excessive severity here.
But no one has canceled marital fasting, and a church wife does not need to relax and secretly rejoice in the fact that her still infirm husband cannot bear the burden of fasting. Having yielded to him for the sake of peace in the family, she must intensify her prayer for him and refrain from doing something else, and watch herself more strictly. She should hope that her husband will one day be able to fully fast with her.
Of course, no one can be forced to fast. But people who deny fasting (including marital fasting), oddly enough, deprive themselves of a lot. They see fasting as continuous restrictions and fetters for their freedom, not suspecting that fasting is an excellent means for improvement, including in family life. The Church very wisely established the days marital fast. Yes, sometimes it is not easy to bear, especially for young people, the burdens of fasting, but spouses who are not church members and who do not fast have another, much larger, problem in the intimate sphere - satiety, cooling in physical relationships. Priests have to hear about this problem during confession. Some young people tell in confession what excesses they indulge in with their spouse in order to somehow diversify their intimate life. Naturally, they break the fast. I advise such spouses to strictly observe fasting, and then their physical relationships will not lose their spice and attractiveness.
And how many adulterous affairs happen due to cooling off in married life! Men are especially guilty of this. Even if the wife has a very bright, impressive appearance, after a while the husband, who is not accustomed to abstinence, becomes fed up with her, intimate life becomes insipid, and here all sorts of perversions in marital relations can begin, and then it can come to adultery.
A satiated person always wants something new and hot. In Ancient Rome, homosexuality, pedophilia, and other perversions became the norm precisely because people were completely fed up and no longer knew what else to want. So in intimate life Quantity does not at all transform into quality, but quite the opposite. Dale Carnegie has a not very well-known book about family and marriage, published after his death. So, he writes in it that spouses, in order to maintain the freshness of the relationship, need to enter into sexual intercourse less often than they would like.
Any spouse somehow regulates their physical relationships, so why not use the days that the Church specifically established for abstinence for this? By the way, both priests and psychologists know that Orthodox abstinent people have much fewer intimate problems and sexual disorders than non-church people.
Of course, physical relations between spouses are a very important component of a family union. It is an expression of their love for each other. It is not for nothing that a child is called the “fruit of love.” Elder Paisios of Athos says: “A man feels a natural attraction to a woman, and a woman to a man. If it weren’t for this urge, no one would ever decide to start a family. People would think about the difficulties that subsequently await them in the family and are associated with raising children and other family matters, and therefore would not dare to get married.” If there is no physical relationship between a husband and wife for a long time (of course, not because of any special feat), this is a very alarming symptom, indicating that their relationship is in crisis. After all, physical relationships are only the visible part of intimacy.
It all starts with spiritual understanding, attention of spouses to each other. And for all its importance, intimate relationships do not play the main role in marriage. Fasting greatly helps not only to maintain the freshness of physical relationships (spouses after abstinence will always be pleasant and desirable for each other), but also helps to strengthen mental and spiritual intimacy. The relationship between husband and wife, when they do not communicate physically, moves to a different plane. They begin to show their feelings differently, this is expressed in attention, understanding, communication. Fasting is an examination of what really connects us: spiritual, emotional or only physical intimacy; have we managed to build something, become one body and one soul, or are we connected only by carnal attraction? During the period of fasting, we begin to see our soul mate in a different light, from the other, human, friendly side, without the admixture of carnal passion.
Another important point: fasting educates the will and teaches moderation and abstinence. After all, there always comes a time in the life of spouses when physical communication stops. For example, due to illness, pregnancy, etc. If the spouses are not accustomed to abstinence, it will be very difficult for them to bear all this. Thus, the time of fasting and abstinence is a very good opportunity for spouses to cultivate not carnal, but true spiritual love and intimacy. “Carnal love unites worldly people externally, only as long as they possess [the necessary for such love] worldly qualities. When these worldly qualities are lost, carnal love separates people and they slide into destruction. But when there is real precious spiritual love between spouses, then if one of them loses his worldly qualities, this not only will not separate them, but will unite them even stronger. If there is only carnal love, then the wife, having learned, for example, that her life partner looked at another woman, splashes sulfuric acid in his eyes and deprives him of his sight. And if she loves him with pure love, she experiences even greater pain for him and subtly, carefully tries to return him to the right path again,” writes Elder Paisius.
Fasting is an excellent training of the will. Very important in family life accustom yourself to discipline, learn to control your instincts. After all, when a person does not know how to do this, how can he refrain from immodest glances, flirting, and then betrayal, in our world overflowing with temptations?
I asked a few questions about marital fasting to a practitioner family psychologist Irina Anatolyevna Rakhimova. Irina Anatolyevna heads the Orthodox Family center and has been working in the field for more than 20 years family psychology.
- Irina Anatolyevna, tell me, is it useful for spouses to temporarily abstain from physical communication during Lent from the point of view of family psychology?
I consider the periods of fasting established by the Church, when physical marital relations cease, to be a very reasonable and necessary rule. In life, including family and marital life, there are public and unspoken rules. It happens in family life when spouses are forced to abstain from physical contact.
People who have already started living with each other before marriage often come to me for consultation in order, as it seems to them, to check whether they are suitable for each other or not. I explain to them why they need to abstain before marriage: to learn to abstain in marriage. The premarital period, preparation for marriage, is the time of study. And in family married life it is very important to be able to curb the flesh, cultivate your feelings, will, and not allow yourself everything. It is very difficult for a dissolute person, not accustomed to abstaining, to remain faithful.
Yes, if people are already living before marriage and have intimate relationships, I recommend checking your feelings in this way: for a while (say, two months) stop physical relations. And if they agree to this, then, as a rule, there are two options: either they break up, if they were connected only by passion, or they get married, which was my practice. Abstinence allows them to take a fresh look at each other, to fall in love without the admixture of passion and the play of hormones.
- Who has more problems in their intimate life: Orthodox Christians or non-church people who do not fast?
The theme of newness in relationships is very relevant in family life. Lent very symbolically ends in the spring, when nature blossoms, when the spouses again enter into physical relations. And after a period of fasting, joy opens up in them, and their feelings are renewed after winter. This helps keep the relationship fresh and romantic. And it is much easier for Orthodox people to maintain this: they have fasting.
There is a very big misconception that abstinence is harmful. It is believed that everyone (including those outside of marriage) should have regular sex life, satisfy your needs: without this, they say, there will be diseases, neuroses and mental disorders. This is a big trap. All neuroses and disorders are in the head, in a person’s mood, in what he has inspired in himself. I believe that there is great truth in the theory of sublimation. If a person does not get hung up on the topic of bodily functions and lives abstinently, he can use unspent energy to realize himself in creativity, work, scientific activity, and other areas.
I believe that a Christian, both in family life and in any other life, is always a warrior of Christ, accustomed to working on himself, a person of strong will. And fasting and abstinence help us a lot with this. But our faith will become impoverished if we give ourselves slack and think about how to make our Christian life easier.
Orthodox Christians of past centuries could not even imagine that during Lent one could indulge in carnal marital pleasures. This idea could only arise in our time, when people are cut off from the traditions and traditions of the Church.
In conclusion, I want to say about one danger that awaits modern Orthodox Christians. When in Soviet time The Church was in persecution; the Orthodox man, willy-nilly, was in opposition to the outside world. He understood perfectly well that it was under no circumstances possible to live as non-Christians and non-Orthodox Christians live.
“He who is not with Me is against Me (Luke 11:23),” said the Savior. Nowadays the temptation to be like everyone else is very great. After all, today many call themselves believers and Orthodox, which does not prevent them from having abortions, cheating on their spouses, and cohabiting outside of marriage.
I note with regret that many of those who came to the Church in post-perestroika times and were zealous Orthodox Christians were very much imbued with the spirit of the times. For example, not long ago I was talking with one of my friends (he regularly goes to church and receives communion) about family life. And this man quite seriously argued that it is quite normal for a man and a woman to cohabit before marriage, because this way they can get to know each other better! Adultery and divorce have become more frequent even in Orthodox families. This is all very sad. What kind of Orthodox are we after this, if we indulge the spirit of this evil age, become infected with it, as the famous song says: “we cave in to the changing world”? We, on the contrary, must lead people, preach the truth with our lives, show that Orthodox families are strong with their traditions bequeathed to us from the holy fathers and our ancestors. Then the world will “bend under us.”
Question:
Hello father! The question is very sensitive. What should spouses do if icons are in the bedroom? Especially if the spouses are not married yet. A husband and wife enter into sexual relations, and the icons “look at it.” You can’t cover icons with anything, since there are a lot of them - and in general, covering icons is not good, I think. And what is acceptable in relations between husband and wife from the Orthodox side? Here we are talking about various types sexual intercourse. What should an Orthodox wife do if her husband is not content with, let’s say, traditional poses? After all, according to the words of the Apostle Paul, a wife should first of all please her husband? Thank you Father for your answers!
Answers the question: Archpriest Dimitry Shushpanov
Priest's answer:
Icons can and should be in the bedroom, because, according to the Apostle Paul: “marriage is honest, and the bed is not wicked. Fornicators and adulterers are judged by God.” Intimate relationships between spouses is a Divine institution and cannot be considered in itself as something unclean (although a person can ruin everything with his passions). If your marriage is legal, that is, registered in the registry office, the Church already recognizes it (even if it is not married) and such a marriage is not considered prodigal cohabitation. What confuses you is that the icons “look.” We must not forget that God has the property of omnipresence, so that he sees and knows everything even without icons. Therefore, in Christianity, an important spiritual activity is walking before God, that is, we must perform actions, remembering that the Lord is always with us. As for the question of the boundaries of what is permitted in the intimate life of spouses from the point of view of Orthodoxy, for example, an undoubted sin is unnatural copulation (anal, oral), for which, according to the Apostolic Rules, the husband and wife are excommunicated from Communion for one year. For the rest, one must be guided by the voice of conscience and the context of Christian ethics. And also try to search golden mean and avoid extremes. The Apostle Paul writes that an unmarried woman pleases the Lord, and a married woman pleases her husband, in a negative sense: a married woman should please God, but she yields to her husband, which is not correct. Although, I repeat once again, everywhere, including in the sphere of marital communication, it is necessary to look for a middle ground so that, for example, excessive severity and intransigence do not destroy the relationship. To do this, you need to resort to God in prayer, so that He will enlighten you on how to act correctly in a given situation and become familiar with Christian ethics and morality by reading spiritual books. Then, gradually it will become clear to you what is allowed in the intimate sphere and what is not.
I received your letter on the issue of marital relations (among married clergy and laymen), about which you are writing to me. Since the Holy Fathers do not give precise instructions on exactly how to act, this means that we are talking about something where all people cannot be approached with the same standard, that they leave this to the tact and honor of the spiritual understanding and strength of each individual. I give examples of married laymen and clergy who are still alive and known to me, in order to make my thought more understandable.Of these, there are some who had a relationship after marriage and some had one, others two, others three children and subsequently lived as virgins. Others have a relationship once a year for the sake of childbearing and then live again as brother and sister. Others abstain during periods of fasting and then have relationships. Others cannot achieve this either. Others - once in the middle of the week, so that there are three days before communion and three days after communion. Others stumble here too, therefore Christ after the resurrection, appearing to the holy apostles, first of all said: As the Father sent Me, so I send you... Receive the Holy Spirit. Whose sins you forgive, they will be forgiven; whoever you leave it on will stay on it(John 20:21-23).
The goal is for everyone to strive with reason and honor, in accordance with their spiritual strength. At first, of course, age is an obstacle. However, as years pass and as the flesh weakens, the spirit can prevail, despite the fact that then married people begin to gradually partake of Divine delights; and this even more helps them to naturally be distracted from carnal pleasures, which at that time seemed to them very insignificant. So, those who are married are in some way sanctified and go to heaven along this path, which does not go so steeply into ropy. While the monks rush straight to the top, climbing the rocks, and rise to paradise.
You must keep in mind that the issue of this relationship does not concern you alone and you do not have the right to decide it yourself, but only by mutual agreement, as the Apostle Paul says (1 Cor 7:5). When this is achieved, then By mutual consent again requires caution: the strong must take the side of the weak. In many cases, one side, in order not to upset the other, says that it agrees, but is internally tormented. These are mainly wives, since they have little fear of God and possess the liveliness of the flesh. Often, due to lack of reasoning, some pious husbands, hearing from the lips of their wives that she agrees, immediately proceed indiscriminately to a long period of abstinence, and then the wives are tormented, become irritable, etc. Husbands think that their wives have advanced in valor and they want to live even more chastely, for an even longer period of time, and then women are tempted to get to know their friends, etc. When this happens, then they begin to have remorse (about the fall), and husbands try to live even more chastely, seeing their wives as having no favors, because they believe that they have advanced spiritually more than them and have no desire for carnal things. The reason, naturally, is women's selfishness and jealousy, since they feel lagging behind. When a wife sees her husband wanting to live a spiritual life, she forces herself to surpass him.
Forgive me for invading an area that is alien to me, because the business of a monk is not these topics, but the rosary. But, in order not to upset you, I was forced to write to you on these issues (I know about them from the outside), which annoy many brethren in the world and give room for activity to the devil.
It matters greatly whether the spouses have similar temperaments. When one has a moderate temperament and the other has a lively one, or one has a lively and the other has a moderate temperament, one should sacrifice the strong for the benefit of the weaker, and then gradually the second will receive help and restore his health, and then, being healthy, both will to strive.
I already said at the beginning and I return to this: an honest and reasonable struggle for the sanctification of the married is required. If we look at this somewhat spiritually, we will understand that married people should also strive to some extent (I believe that this would also be wrong if they, being married, had as their goal only food, sleep and carnal pleasures; man is not only flesh, but also spirit). The flesh should help sanctify the soul, and not bury the soul. I am not saying that the one who lives as a virgin after one or two children, or has relationships only once a year for childbearing, or the one who abstains during periods of fasting, etc., should be the first to receive a score of 10, the second - 8, the third - 6 and the fourth - 4. God sees the efforts of each and the strength He has given to each, and will reward each accordingly. I love them all equally and admire those who strive honestly. If only they did not commit the crimes of abortion, etc.
I ask you to forgive me for my bad handwriting. Since I had one spiritual activity and then many letters at once, I am writing to you in a hurry in order to quickly begin my studies.
May Christ and the Most Pure Mother be with you.
My respect to your father, priest.
With love in the Lord, monk Paisiy
The elder’s opinion on this issue could not be different from the instructions of the Apostle Paul (see: 1 Cor 7:29) and the Apostle Peter (see: 1 Pet 2:1).
1 Pet 2:11; 1 Cor 7:29.
- Hello. Bless me, father. What are the benefits of abstinence in family relationships?
Abstinence must be mutual. If, for example, you want to abstain, but your wife does not want to abstain, then you need to follow your wife’s lead and sleep with her like husband and wife. And if, for example, on the contrary, she wants to abstain, but you do not want to, and you approach her with requests and demands, then she must follow your lead and yield to your desire. Abstinence in the family should only be mutual. And its meaning and benefits are very great. Those married couples who live without abstinence and without limiting their marital desires gradually descend into outrages that are inconceivable and indescribable in words. And those who abstain miss each other, and they joyfully celebrate Easter, and then joyfully share the marital bed, and this is sweet for them, it is like a reward for their chastity. And they love each other longer, stronger, stronger and more faithfully than those who do not fast. Fasting greatly brings chastity to marital relationships. Where there is no fasting in marriage, there is debauchery, atheism, betrayal, and so on. And where there is abstinence, there is a moment when people miss each other, yearn for each other, and then after Easter, after Christmas they already have some kind of marital holiday. It's like the first one the wedding night. She is just as funny, just as sweet. Therefore, these marriages are stronger, stronger and more durable than the marriages of debauchees. But I repeat, this is a matter of reciprocity. If your wife, for example, cannot abstain, you must meet her halfway so that she does not look for an uncle on the side. But if, on the contrary, she wants to fast, but you do not want to fast, she should meet you halfway so that you do not look for an aunt on the side. Fasting is very important for marriage; without fasting, marriage is incomplete, but fasting must be voluntary and mutual. If it is not mutual, then the one who is fasting must meet the one who is not fasting halfway for the sake of family peace. Family peace is the most important thing in general. Those. The post is not close in importance. At first family world, and then everything else. Such a complex matter is family life. Difficult life family, complex. It's easier for monks. In something. But in some ways it’s not at all easier. In general, it’s hard for everyone. Since we lost paradise, it’s been hard for everyone to live in the world.
Father, hello. I go to work in the morning, sign the cross on myself, and sign the space in front of me with the cross too. And they often gather near our house in the morning drinking people. Today I saw an incredible grin on one person. You could say that if he could have bitten me, he would have bitten me. He bared his teeth and swore at me for praying here. I walked past and didn’t answer. But am I doing the right thing? Maybe I'm confusing people with this behavior? Or should I continue to do the same and not pay attention?
Before the doors open, sign yourself with a cross, and sign your path with a cross, too, before leaving the doors. And when you have already gone out into the street, and these blue characters or someone else are sitting there, then you do not show people outside that you are baptizing the road or yourself. It’s not worth doing this, it’s not worth it again. No need, I think so. Based on your words, and based on my personal beliefs, you please be baptized before leaving the house. Now you come to the door: cross yourself, pray briefly, cross the road, and then open it and go out. Those. don't tease the geese, don't. It is not necessary. You need a cross, these villains don’t need it. Therefore, of course, they look at you, so to speak, with narrowed eyes. Why do we need to cause fire on ourselves one more time out of the blue? No need.
Good evening, Father Andrey. I want to say that I am proud that there are clergymen like you in our Church. A true Christian, a true lover of God, a real one. You are like a breath to us fresh air. There would be more of these in the Church. God bless you and have many summers!
thank you very much for good words. I want to tell everyone that the Gospel contains a direct command from the Lord of the following nature: “The harvest is plentiful,” Christ says, “the laborers are few; Therefore, pray to the Lord of the harvest, that he may bring forth the laborers into his harvest.” This question is very important. As much as we pray that God will bring into the harvest, which is plentiful - i.e. the ears of corn are ripe, the souls are ready - how much do we pray that God will bring laborers into the ripened field, so that they will reap the fruit into eternal life? If you have never prayed about this, please improve. Get on your knees and say: “Lord, Lord of my life, Lord of the world, please bring forth the laborers into Your harvest. In Russia, in America, in Australia, all over the world, bring good people, wise, loving You, so that they take up this plow and begin to plow Your field, so that they work in Your field.” We need to pray about this so that we can have more of these workers of God. In fact, we have very few of them. I recently heard that we have only fifteen thousand priests in the entire Russian Church. A drop in the sea. There are two hundred thousand registered psychics, and fifteen thousand priests. Can you imagine? This is approximately the spread of numbers. This is some kind of nightmare! There are very few of us. All these jackals howl at the moon: “The priests are tortured, the priests are everywhere, the priests here, the priests here, the priests in education, the priests in the army, the priests in culture, the priests on television.” Listen, guys, there are only fifteen thousand of us in all of Russia, including Ukraine. There are very few of us: monks, catechists, priests, preachers. We are just a drop in the sea, and this poor drop is still trying to bear all this burden. Therefore pray to the Lord of the harvest to bring out His workers into His harvest. This is an appeal to all Christians. It will be easier for us to live in the world when the preaching of the Gospel expands.
Father, Good evening. You said about family relations During fasting, and after fasting, what benefits does family abstinence provide for the soul, for spiritual life?
You understand, people still fast often in family life, because, let’s say, there are women’s infirmities: every month a woman has certain infirmities - so you already have abstinence. Then, there are all sorts of business trips for working men or women. Then, there are illnesses, there are services, there are Wednesdays and Fridays. Then there is something else. In short, fasting is the eternal companion of a Christian. And we abstain in marriage. By the way, this is how we are saved, because, I repeat to you, those who do not abstain, reach such extreme degrees of madness in their depravity that there is no longer a cure, there simply God will destroy it all. I even deliberately avoid saying all this on air, because I know what I’m talking about. I know all this from confessions, I know from literature, I read it all, understand it, hear it very often. Those. people who do not abstain are so corrupted that they simply go crazy. And those who abstain maintain a sound mind and love for their to a loved one: wife - to her husband, husband - to his wife. They don't need anything else. So abstinence is always beneficial, and we have many reasons for abstinence. I repeat that, for example: my wife gave birth, everything there is torn, everything hurts; or the wife feeds; or you went on a business trip; or fasting has begun; or something else. We abstain all our lives, it’s hard, in fact, but it saves us, because if we started doing everything we want, we’d go crazy. And those who do whatever they want, they have already gone crazy a long time ago. Those. they simply behave no longer like humans, but like demons, and prove that this is how it should be. So abstinence is a great thing, it makes a person chaste. In general, the bonds of marriage are very healing for a person; in marriage, a person gains a certain completeness and is healed from many hidden or obvious spiritual illnesses. Marriage is a great medicine, the bond of marriage is sacred.
Hello. Father, could you explain how to understand the words of the Apostle Paul in the second chapter of the Epistle to the Ephesians: “God, who is rich in mercy, because of His great love with which He loved us, even when we were dead in trespasses, made us alive together with Christ—by grace you have been saved , - and raised him up with Him, and seated him in heaven in Christ Jesus..... For by grace you have been saved through faith, and this not from yourselves, it is the gift of God...” How to understand? When did he revive, when did he resurrect, when did he plant? How to understand these words?
Paul was addressing Christians, i.e. to those who have already entered the Church. Christians are those who have heard the sermon about Christ. This sermon about Christ broke through some walls of internal resistance and penetrated into the heart. Those. the man believed. First, preaching and faith, then after faith, preparation for Baptism and Baptism. And those who experienced this turning to God through preaching and edification in the faith, who prepared for Baptism and were baptized, in fact, are those people who can fully say about themselves that I was previously in the kingdom of darkness, and now I in the Kingdom of Light. Those. I was once a son of destruction, but now I am a son of salvation. I was dead in my sins, but now I have been washed, illuminated, cleansed and made alive with Christ. These words are addressed to those who have experienced the grace-filled experience of hearing the word about the Lord - once; preparations for Baptism and Baptism itself - two; joining the Christian community. The Apostle Paul turns to the practical experience of Christians who experienced their transition from darkness to light, from deadness to life, from those who perish to those who are saved. These are not, say, some made-up words, but these are words that reflect reality. Those. a person who, as an adult, heard about Christ, forsook his sins - fornication, unnatural fornication, theft, gluttony, drunkenness, love of money, desire for power, something else - turned to God with all his soul, was baptized, washed away his sins, came out from the font and felt like a new person, such a person can then read the Epistle of the Apostle Paul. Paul tells him: “Yes, you were previously dead in your sins, but now you have been washed, cleansed, illumined, and now the Lord has made you sit with Him, i.e. you are heirs of eternal life.” And they felt it within themselves. The guarantee of eternal life must be felt by a person. Waiting for us immortal life, the eternal Kingdom of Christ, and before that we are given certain guarantees. Well, loans, if you like. Those. God gives us something in advance, says: “You have this on. This is a piece of what will happen next. Now you have a piece, and then there will be a whole mountain. Here, try it." This is the gracious experience of salvation, the transition from death to life, that every Christian should have and, accordingly, the apostolic epistles are addressed to these people. We have been given the Kingdom. The pledge of the Kingdom has already been tasted by us. We should already feel by taste, by smell, by heart memory how good it is to be with God. "Good for you?" - “It’s good for me.” - “This is how it will be good for you forever and ever. Do you want this? - “I want this.” - "All. Amen. Work hard.” It is in such relationships that human life goes on. The Apostle Paul writes about this in his Epistle to the Ephesians in the second chapter. Thanks for the question, it's a good question.
More is waiting for us the last week Great Lent. By the way, today is Akathist Saturday. I ask you very much: set super goals for yourself. For example, try to memorize the Akathist to the Mother of God. It seems very difficult, but in fact it is not difficult, just start. Read him more often, exactly him. Not all the other akathists, of which there are thousands, but his, because he is normative, tuning fork, all the others are written after his model, and he attunes all pilgrims to very correct poetic theological thoughts. This is an amazing, incomparable text. Please memorize the Akathist to the Mother of God, the Psalter of King David. Little by little, psalm by psalm, psalm by psalm, learn by heart. This is very important, it will be very useful to you in this life and in the next.
Father, Alexey from Moscow. Before his death, Archimandrite John Krestyankin said about our time today that there will be few doers. But for some reason they are silent about Ioann Krestyankin.
No, they are not silent about him. This worthy man, whom they love, respect, remember, constantly talk about him, read his books, pronounce his teachings. This is very a famous person, one cannot remain silent about him. We are not silent about the saints at all, we shout about the saints. Saints are very important people. Yes, of course, he predicted many difficult times, but this does not mean that you need to fold your paws. You need to work. And you work, and I will work, and that’s how we will be saved.
Bless me, father. Prophet Sirach 7:33-34: “Fear the Lord, and honor the priest, and give him a portion as you have been commanded: the firstfruits, and for sin, and the offering of the shoulders, and the sacrifice of consecration, and the firstfruits of the saints.” Please explain.
The Old Testament priesthood was special. The Lord did not give them land. When they crossed the Jordan, the Lord said that I will give land to all tribes, but I will not give land to the tribe of Levi: I am their land. Those. they will have to serve the Lord, and all Israel will have to feed and support them. This is what righteous Sirach writes about. He says that respect the priest, bring him the firstfruits of all acquisitions: donate, give, separate, do not forget. Because the priests themselves did not plow, did not sow, were neither cattle breeders nor cultivators, they only prayed to God and nothing else. The Lord says: “Let them pray to Me, let them serve Me, and they will not have any land, but there will only be special cities for them, for the Levites, and you, all the other eleven tribes, will feed them.” And such a law was observed in Israel. In relation to us, this means that priests must be diligent with all their souls in studying the Law of God, preaching the Law of God, and praying in church. Study, preaching and prayer should be the main activities of a priest, and the people of God, who feed from the priest with teaching, instruction, preaching, feed on the Holy Mysteries from his hands... We spoon-feed you, in fact. You understand that when a priest gives communion to a person, he feeds him with a spoon, like small child. Just as you spoon feed your babies, we feed you. We are, in essence, your fathers. Regardless of the fact that I am forty-five years old and you are sixty, I spoon-feed you. I listen to all your sins, I pray for you, I spoon feed you. Those. I don't have to do anything anymore. I have to do this: preach, teach, remember, tell, serve, pray, give communion - and everything else is your business. Those. the firstfruits of offerings, the firstfruits of one's profits - this is all a matter called almsgiving and maintaining the temple. After all, our churches live on your hands, my dears: your pensions, your salaries, your hands, your legs, your heart. All that we have in churches is all your hands have earned. We are priests... Sometimes it happens that someone has talent in business, but in most cases the priest simply prays, and they bring it to him, they say: “Father, this is for you to use in stained glass, and this is for you to change the floor, and This is for you to decorate the iconostases.” And this is how our churches, in fact, live with your hands, your heart, your souls, and we, priests, feed from your hands. You are our breadwinners and drinkers. We are your prayer books, we pray to God for you and feed you the Holy Mysteries, and you are our breadwinners and drinkers, we can’t live without you. And you are nowhere without us, and we are nowhere without you.
May Christ be between us and you, pacifying, admonishing, preserving and having mercy on us! Save you, Lord!
