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Surviving a pregnancy loss. How to survive a termination of pregnancy for medical reasons? Causes and consequences of abortion

Surviving a pregnancy loss. How to survive a termination of pregnancy for medical reasons? Causes and consequences of abortion

10.08.2020

Time heals, but this period must also be survived.

Medical indications
How do doctors answer the question?
Post-abortion syndrome
How to cope?

Women are sent for abortion for medical reasons different dates pregnancy, but the age of the fetus has little effect on the severity of the experience. It is psychologically very difficult to cope with this event, but it is possible. However, everything is in order, first you need to understand in what cases abortion is indicated for medical reasons:

And this not a complete list of diseases for which abortion is indicated. This entire list has one thing in common - a threat to the life of the mother, and, accordingly, the unborn baby. Read more about medical indications for abortion here.

In any case, the decision about motherhood is made by the woman herself. Before offering the option of abortion, it is necessary to hold a consultation of doctors. Those. The “sentence” is passed not only by the gynecologist, but also by a specialized specialist (oncologist, therapist, surgeon), as well as the manager medical institution. Only after all experts have come to the same opinion can they offer this option. And even in this case, the woman has the right to decide for herself whether to agree or continue the pregnancy. If you are sure that the doctor did not consult with other specialists, then you have the right to write a complaint to the head physician against a specific health worker.

Naturally, you should confirm the diagnosis in different clinics and with different specialists. If opinions converge, then the decision is yours alone. Making this decision is difficult, but sometimes necessary. You can read about termination of pregnancy at different stages in other articles on our website. You can also familiarize yourself with the procedure of various abortions, as well as their consequences.

Reviews from women who experienced abortion for medical reasons:

Mila:

I had to terminate the pregnancy for medical reasons (the baby had a fetal malformation and a bad double test). It’s impossible to describe the horror I experienced, and now I’m trying to come to my senses! Now I’m thinking how to make up my mind next time and not be afraid!? I would like to ask advice from those who have been in a similar situation - how to get out of depression? Now I’m waiting for the analysis that was done after the interruption, then I’ll probably need to go to a geneticist. Tell me, does anyone know what kind of examinations need to be done, and how to plan the next pregnancy?

Natalia:

How can I survive artificial interruption pregnancy for medical reasons later- 22 weeks (two congenital and severe malformations in the child, including hydrocephalus of the brain and several missing vertebrae)? This happened a month ago, and I feel like a murderer of my long-awaited child, I can’t come to terms with it, enjoy life, and I’m not sure that I can be a good mother in the future! I am afraid of a repetition of the diagnosis, I suffer due to increased disagreements with my husband, who has moved away from me and strives for friends. What can I do to somehow calm down and get out of this hell?

Valentina:

The other day I had to find out what “abortion” is... without wanting to. At the 14th week of pregnancy, an ultrasound revealed a cyst on the baby’s entire tummy (the diagnosis was incompatible with his life! But this was my first pregnancy, a desired one, and everyone was looking forward to the baby). But alas, you need to have an abortion + the period is long. Now I don’t know how to cope with my emotions, tears flow in streams at the first reminder of my former pregnancy and the abortion I experienced...

Irina:

I had a similar situation: my first pregnancy ended badly, everything seemed to be fine, at the first ultrasound they said that the baby was healthy and everything was normal. And at the second ultrasound, when I was already 21 weeks pregnant, it turned out that my boy had gastroschisis (intestinal rings develop outside the tummy, i.e. the lower tummy is not fused) and labor was induced. I was terribly worried, and the whole family was in mourning. The doctor told me that the next pregnancy could only be in a year. I gained strength and pulled myself together and after 7 months I was pregnant again, but the fear for the baby, of course, did not leave me. Everything went well, and 3 months ago I gave birth to a girl, absolutely healthy. So, girls, everything will be fine, the main thing is to pull yourself together and survive this terrible moment in life.

Alyona:

I have to terminate my pregnancy for medical reasons (from the fetus - severe irreparable malformations of the musculoskeletal system). This can only be done after five to six weeks, since it turned out that this was necessary when I was already at 13 weeks, and at this stage an abortion can no longer be done, and other possible methods of terminating the pregnancy become available only from 18-20 weeks. This was my first pregnancy, wanted.

Naturally, my husband is also worried, trying to relieve tension in a casino, while drinking... I understand him in principle, but why does he choose exactly these methods if he knows perfectly well that they are unacceptable for me?! Is this how he blames me for what happened and tries to hurt me in such an indirect way? Or does he blame himself and try to make it easier to survive this way?

I, too, am in constant tension, on the verge of hysteria. I am constantly tormented by questions, why with me? Who is to blame for this? What is this for? And the answer can only be received in three or four months, if in principle it can be obtained...

I am afraid of the operation, I am afraid that the situation will become known to the family, and I will also have to endure their sympathetic words and accusing glances. I'm afraid that I don't want to take the risk of trying to have more children. How can I get through these few weeks? Don’t lose your temper, don’t ruin your relationship with your husband, avoid problems at work? Will the nightmare end in a few weeks, or is this just the beginning of a new one?

The decision has been made, the abortion is done and nothing can be returned. It is at this moment that various kinds of psychological symptoms begin, which traditional medicine called “post-abortion syndrome.” This is a series of symptoms of a physical, psychosomatic and mental nature.

Bodily manifestations syndrome are:

bleeding;
infectious diseases;
damage to the uterus, which subsequently leads to premature birth, as well as to spontaneous miscarriage am;
irregular menstrual cycle and problems with ovulation.

Often in gynecological practice there have been cases of cancer due to a previous abortion. This is due to the fact that a constant feeling of guilt weakens a woman’s body, which sometimes leads to the formation of tumors.

Psychosomatics"post-abortion syndrome":

very often after abortion there is a decrease in libido in women;
sexual disorders can also manifest themselves in the form of phobias due to a previous pregnancy;
sleep disorders (insomnia, restless sleep and nightmares);
unexplained migraines;
pain in the lower abdomen, etc.

The psychosomatic nature of these phenomena also leads to sad consequences. Therefore, it is necessary to take timely measures to combat these symptoms.

And finally, the most extensive nature of the symptoms - psychological:

feelings of guilt and regret;
unexplained manifestations of aggression;
feeling of “spiritual death” (emptiness inside);
depression and fear;
low self-esteem;
suicidal thoughts;
avoidance of reality (alcoholism, drug addiction);
frequent mood swings and causeless tearfulness, etc.

Again, this is only a partial list of manifestations of “post-abortion syndrome.” Of course, it cannot be said that it goes through the same way for all women; some women go through it immediately after an abortion, while for others it may only appear after some time, even after several years. It is worth noting that after the abortion procedure, not only the woman suffers, but also her partner, as well as close people.

So, how to cope with this situation if you have directly encountered this phenomenon, or how to help someone else to a loved one survive the loss?

First, realize that you can only help a person who wants (read - seeks) help. Need to face reality. Realize that this happened, that it was her child (regardless of the timing of the abortion).
Now it is necessary accept another truth- you did it. Accept this reality without making excuses or blaming yourself.
And now comes the most difficult moment - forgive. The hardest thing is to forgive yourself, so you first need to forgive the people who took part in this, forgive God for sending you such short-lived joy, forgive the child as a victim of circumstances. And after you manage to cope with this, feel free to move on to forgiving yourself.

First, speak up. Talk to your family and close friends, talk until you feel better. Try not to be alone with yourself so that there is no time to “escalate” the situation. Whenever possible, get out into nature and public places where you are socially comfortable to be;
Be sure to support your partner and your loved ones. Sometimes it's easier to find comfort in caring for other people. Understand that this event is not only morally difficult for you;
Highly recommend contact a specialist(to a psychologist). In the most difficult moments, we need a person who will listen to us and treat the situation objectively. This approach brings many people back to life.
Contact the Maternity Support Center in your city ( full list You can view the centers here -
Besides, there are special organizations(including church organizations) that support women at this difficult moment in life. If you need advice, please call 8-800-200-05-07 (abortion helpline, free call from any region), or visit sites:

http://semya.org.ru/motherhood/index.html
http://www.noabort.net/node/217
http://www.aborti.ru/after/
http://www.helpsy.ru/places

Watch your health. Strictly follow your doctor's instructions and maintain personal hygiene. It’s sad, but your uterus is now suffering along with you, it is literally an open wound where infection can easily get into. Be sure to visit a gynecologist to prevent the occurrence of consequences;
Now not the best time learn about pregnancy. Be sure to discuss your contraception with your doctor; you will need it for the entire recovery period;
Set yourself up for a positive future. Believe me, the way you will get through this difficult period, will determine your future. And if you cope with these difficulties, then in the future your experiences will dull and will not be an open wound on your soul;
Necessarily discover new hobbies and interests. Let it be whatever you want, as long as it brings you joy and motivates you to move forward.

When faced with a problem, we want to step back and be alone with our grief. But this is not the case - you need to be among people and get away from soul-searching. Man is a social creature; it is easier for him to cope when he is supported. Find support in your misfortune too!

The word “abortion” has no place either in the vocabulary or in the mind of a woman dreaming of a baby. However, this sentence, alas, ends more than one desired pregnancy.

The term “abortion” refers to the termination of pregnancy for up to 28 weeks, counting from the day of the last menstruation (early and late abortion are distinguished - up to 12 or from 12 to 28 weeks, respectively). After 28 weeks, termination of pregnancy is called “preterm birth.” Abortion can be spontaneous (miscarriage) or induced. Let's talk about the second one. And we will only touch on the topic of termination of pregnancy for medical reasons.

It is possible to terminate a pregnancy for medical reasons, regardless of the stage of pregnancy and strictly in a multidisciplinary hospital setting. By order of the Ministry of Health and social development RF dated December 3, 2007 N 736 “On approval of the list of medical indications for artificial termination of pregnancy” presented a list of diseases in the presence of which it is desirable to terminate the pregnancy.

In other words, if continuing the pregnancy or subsequent childbirth will lead to a deterioration in the woman’s condition and, among other things, pose a threat to her life, doctors may suggest terminating the pregnancy. Another group of reasons is the detection of fetal development abnormalities or the detection of fetal non-viability through prenatal diagnosis.

There are four types of termination of pregnancy: medical abortion, which is done using medications for up to 6 weeks; mini-abortion (vacuum aspiration) for up to 5 weeks; surgical (operative abortion), carried out in the form of curettage of the uterine cavity; artificial childbirth, which is carried out in the third trimester, follows the mechanism of normal childbirth and ends with curettage.

What should a woman who is offered to terminate her pregnancy know? Firstly, according to the legislation of the Russian Federation (document “On the protection of the health of citizens” dated July 22, 1993, Article 36 “Artificial termination of pregnancy”): “Every woman has the right to independently decide the issue of motherhood.” Secondly, such a verdict as termination of pregnancy can be made after examining the patient in a hospital setting only by a council of the attending physician, a specialized specialist (therapist, surgeon, oncologist, etc.) and the head of the medical institution. That is, the doctor antenatal clinic does not have the right to make such decisions or persuade a woman to have an abortion. Alas, the picture is when a healthy woman comes to a performance at a residential complex, and there they tell her: “You still can’t stand it. Maybe you can interrupt?” is described by expectant mothers more and more often. If such a situation arises, write a statement addressed to the head physician of the consultation with a complaint against a specific physician.

However, if the diagnosis is confirmed (and confirmed by several specialists), in order to preserve your life and health, as well as the opportunity to give birth in the future, you have to agree with the doctors’ verdict. For women who have gone through this test, I would like to wish them not to give up, not to withdraw into themselves, not to refuse the help of loved ones or psychologists, and to believe that you will be able to know the happiness of motherhood, albeit a little later.

A medical abortion causes enormous trauma to a woman’s psyche, especially if she was forced to take this step under the influence of circumstances. In this case, coping with the psychological consequences of an abortion is incredibly difficult, and not every woman can do it on her own. In the question of how to survive an abortion, you cannot rely only on the healing power of time. You need to be aware of your condition and work on yourself so as not to ruin your life.

If the baby is diagnosed with serious pathologies or a diagnosis is made that threatens the life of the mother or child, the question of prescribing an abortion arises. When it comes to a desired pregnancy, women undergo all kinds of medical research in the hope that the terrible diagnosis will not be confirmed, or there is a chance to save the child.

But if a medical abortion is nevertheless prescribed, the woman is left with a terrible choice: have an abortion or continue the pregnancy, regardless of the consequences. No one can make this decision for her, and the horror she feels cannot be described.

Termination of pregnancy for medical reasons is prescribed to women at different stages, and at any stage the experiences are very deep. This is a huge stress, which is often followed by depression. Women are in constant tension and hysterical state. Questions arise that are difficult to answer: Why me? Who is guilty? How to survive the operation and the weeks after it? How not to ruin your relationship with your husband? When will this nightmare end?

It is not yet accepted in society to treat unborn children as human beings. Society does not give a woman the right to the same suffering as in the case of the death of loved ones. Therefore, women often face misunderstandings and feel immoral or rejected. Even if the abortion was forced, she made the decision herself, and no one will ever change this fact.

It is normal to experience grief in such a situation. When pregnancy occurs, hormonal changes begin to occur in the female body, preparing it for future motherhood. The body focuses on reproduction, and the maternal instinct takes over the mind. Any interference in this process, much less its interruption, has a negative impact on health and leaves scars on the soul.

Women must make life-changing decisions and experience their consequences while hormonal and other changes continue in their bodies. Therefore, the absence of feelings of loss, emptiness and suffering is abnormal, both from a psychological and physiological point of view.

In medicine, there is such a thing as “post-abortion syndrome,” which combines various physiological, psychosomatic and psychological disorders that occur after an artificial termination of pregnancy.

In gynecological practice, there are often cases of intractable diseases such as cancer after an abortion due to unexperienced feelings of guilt.

Psychological symptoms

guilt;
outbursts of anger and aggression for no apparent reason;
depression;
worries, fears, anxiety states;
feeling of inner emptiness, emotional fading;
low self-esteem and loss of self-esteem;
suicidal thoughts and suicide attempts;
hatred of oneself or of men;
avoidance of reality (alcohol or drug addiction);
the need to compensate for the loss of a child by giving birth to the next one, or vice versa, fear of pregnancy;
frequent mood swings, and others.

Of course, the syndrome does not appear in all women. But women who had to terminate a pregnancy for medical reasons are at risk, especially those who have an unstable mental state, do not accept abortion for religious reasons, or undergo late-term surgery.

Stages of post-abortion experience

After an abortion, you may suffer deep inside, or, conversely, lose control over your emotions. But whatever pain you feel, you are not alone. Millions of women suffer just like you and return to normal life after the pregnancy has been terminated, having gone through all stages of experiencing the consequences of an abortion.

You can feel relief after the operation, no matter how blasphemous it may sound. You've been through the worst, and you don't need to solve anything anymore.

"I was forced to do it." “I had to have a medical abortion to survive.” “I had an abortion because otherwise I would have doomed my child to suffer.” These are all facts and you should not deny them. Denial and self-flagellation will prolong the recovery process. If you don't give yourself the opportunity to justify your actions true reasons, you risk driving yourself to depression and suicide.

The realization of what happened does not come immediately and causes unbearable pain. Many perceive this as the murder of a long-awaited baby and do not understand how to continue to live with it. There is a risk of getting stuck between stages two and three, constantly returning to trying to justify oneself. To survive this stage, you need to acknowledge reality and accept responsibility (not to be confused with guilt!).

This is the most painful period when suffering hits you with all its force. You feel angry, deeply sad, depressed, and feel like a traitor. At this stage, the likelihood of suicide increases. Life seems hopeless. Many negative emotions are raging within you: rage, guilt, remorse, self-hatred, insomnia, nightmares, painful memories. During this period, there is a danger of turning to drugs or alcohol in the hope of filling the feeling of emptiness inside and relieving the pain. You may begin to doubt the diagnosis and repent of your abortion. At this stage, professional help or support from loved ones is very important.

To complete the process you need to forgive yourself and others. You need to work on yourself every day, letting go of anger, sadness and guilt little by little. If you don't let go of these emotions, they will destroy you. Accept that this is a part of your life, an experience that will stay with you forever.

Severe mental suffering can occur immediately after an abortion or some time later, but it also happens that it occurs several years later. Most often, the critical moment occurs 2-5 years after the abortion. Sometimes a woman cannot forget her grief until the end of her days. It is not easy to survive such a tragedy, but life goes on, and it must be done.

Stay in reality. The hardest thing is to face the truth and understand that this happened to you and your child. You had a medical abortion. Accept this fact. Your suffering is healthy sign that you are aware of what happened. To heal emotional wounds, you need to acknowledge their existence and the reason for their occurrence.
Don't hide your feelings. Cry. This is much better than hiding grief deep within yourself. The pain will not go away on its own, and unshed tears will sooner or later find a way out in illness and nervous disorders, just as a deep splinter festeres.
Seek support. If you want to hide from everyone and be alone with your grief, you have every right to do so, but do not turn it into a way of life. Man is a social being and it is easier for him to recover from loss when he feels supported. Share your feelings with loved ones who can respect your loss and share your grief. Seek help from a psychologist. Join a support group or chat on forums with women who have experienced similar misfortunes.
Sorry. This is the most difficult thing. Anger towards yourself and others who were involved in the abortion is normal. To forgive yourself, you first need to forgive others, forgive fate for taking away this short-lived happiness. Once you get through this, it will be easier for you to forgive yourself.
Don't let anyone invalidate your feelings or make light of your grief. You have the right to suffer. You have lost a child.

At the very beginning of your recovery journey, you need to realize that you can only help someone who wants help and is looking for it.

An important part of healing is repentance and atonement. Having accepted responsibility for the tragedy, ask for forgiveness from the unborn baby. What kind of repentance will be in your case depends on your religious and moral beliefs. Remember that sincere repentance must be followed by atonement. Help those who need support - orphans or sick children, the elderly, abandoned animals. The main thing is that you are guided not by the desire to pay off, but by a sincere intention to be useful and empathy.

Two months have passed since this nightmare - termination of pregnancy for medical reasons at 20 weeks. I finally can and want to talk about it - maybe my sad story will help someone in a similar situation. At one time, I scoured the entire Internet in search of information about this procedure, but I found only grains of information on the case. The pregnancy was planned and very desired. We already knew that we were expecting a girl. My eldest daughter dreamed of her sister and kissed her belly. But... At 18 weeks and 6 days, I went for a scheduled second ultrasound, at which the doctor suspected something was wrong with the baby’s heart and tentatively diagnosed GLOSS. Alas, the doctor was very good and there was very little hope for a mistake. This is one of the most severe heart defects, in which the left half of the heart is practically undeveloped. Such babies die 2-3 days after birth. Operations are carried out, but at least three are needed, and the survival rate is very low, happy stories This diagnosis can be counted on one hand, and even then, children grow up deeply disabled and it is not known how long they will live... Therefore, they prepared for the worst. I won’t write about the moral state, only on the merits. I heard the diagnosis on Friday. After a painful weekend, a hellish week of trips to doctors began - we went for an ultrasound in MONIIAG, then in Bakulevka (thank you so much for agreeing to see me two days after the call. The queue was for two weeks...). Except that I wasn’t in the residential complex - I really didn’t want to waste precious time sitting in queues, and even in a crowd of pregnant women: ((Everywhere the diagnosis was confirmed. I didn’t look at the ultrasound monitor anymore - it’s unbearable... In Bakulevka they directly said - the diagnosis extremely unfavorable and it is recommended to terminate the pregnancy. Moreover, it is necessary to do so before the 21st week. And then a whole quest began; it is impossible to simply terminate a pregnancy at a long term - for this I need to obtain a conclusion from a consultation of doctors. I was immediately offered to undergo a consultation at MONIIAG, but only after receiving the conclusion. from Bakulevka. I had an ultrasound done in Bakulevka, but without the conclusion of their surgeon, it is invalid, and the surgeon will only be there in two days. Thus, we found ourselves in limbo and decided to start looking for a clinic for now, because every day was a nightmare - my stomach. I was already noticeable to those around me, and living with him, knowing that my pregnancy was doomed, was incredibly difficult... And the child was already actively pushing, I tried not to notice as much as possible. Having read on the Internet about the horrors of late-term abortions in state maternity hospitals in the direction of a residential complex, we immediately decided to give any money, if only the whole procedure would go smoothly and without unnecessary suffering... But it turned out that this was not at all easy. Friends advised me to contact the PMC on Sevastopolsky. There I was shocked by the conversation with the manager - she glanced at the stack of my ultrasounds and directly told me that the policy of their center was the fight for fertility, and I seemed to want the opposite... As if this was my deepest desire, damn it... And she also said that most likely they would not want to take me anywhere for any money, since the procedure is dangerous and responsible, and only at the place of registration they do not have the right to refuse me. It’s difficult to describe my state at that moment, to be honest. We went to the TsPSIR opposite - the same answer. Somehow from the stories on the network we realized that in Moscow there is only one maternity hospital, where people like me are sent - number 36, and in the region - to the maternity hospital in Lyubertsy (the fact is that I am registered in Moscow, and live in the nearest Moscow region and attached to the regional residential complex. That is, theoretically I can choose where to go). But I categorically did not want to experiment with free medicine. There was one more option left - the Kulakov center on Oparin, it seemed like someone I knew there interrupted at a later date. We took a chance and made an appointment with an obstetrician-gynecologist there. And - oh miracle!!! I fell into the hands of a wonderful specialist who became my guardian angel (there is no other way to say it) - Natalya Anatolyevna Lomova. At that time I was already in my 19th week, and the timing was critical, as it turned out. A couple more days and they wouldn't have taken me. We saw her on Thursday, and hospitalization was scheduled for Monday. Natalya Anatolyevna gathered the consultation herself and received the coveted piece of paper with all the signatures. And she gave a list of tests that must be taken strictly at the Kulakov center. She described how the procedure itself would go - I went to bed on Monday, gave birth on Tuesday, and on Wednesday-Thursday I would be discharged. After stories online about painful childbirth for three days (right in the general ward) and the groin attitude of doctors, it sounded fantastic. On Friday we passed all the tests and had another ultrasound, this time in Kulakov - an expert one, with the participation of two professors. The diagnosis and description of the defect took up five lines... And there was an even greater conviction that no one would be able to help this child if he was born. On Monday at 9 am I was admitted to the 2nd obstetric department. There are women with various pathologies after childbirth, and several double rooms have been allocated for pregnant women to be kept. People like me are also put there. It’s good that there are no children in this department, although they are brought to their mothers six times a day for feeding. At such moments, the only thing left to do is hide in the room. The next day a girl with the same problem was admitted to my ward. With ordinary women in labor they try not to put it down, everyone understands... On Monday I had to take three tablets - at 16, 20 and 24 hours. Mefipristone, it seems. To soften the CM. This is the first stage. At 6 and 9 am on Tuesday I had to dissolve another pill (I don’t remember what it was called) - for the contractions to start. Some people use kelp sticks for additional softening; I didn’t need them (this is my second birth). After 9, my stomach began to ache very much, then little by little the pain became periodic - rare contractions began. At 11 they were already frequent and painful, and around 12 I was taken to the operating room. I had almost no strength to endure anymore, I started screaming that I really wanted an epidural (during my first birth, however, I didn’t have one. But I didn’t want to endure pain just like that, when there would be no child...). In the meantime, the amniotic sac was punctured. About 15 minutes later they gave me spinal anesthesia - and I felt good... Soon my cervix began to open. By that time, as many doctors had gathered in the operating room as I had probably never seen in one room. And everyone looked only at me :) The head of the department took over the birth. The fetus was carefully pulled out of me and immediately removed - I didn’t see anything. All that remains is to clean the afterbirth. Usually they give general anesthesia for this, but spinal anesthesia was in full effect - I didn’t feel anything below the belt - and they decided to clean it this way. Everything went well, and soon I was lying on a gurney in the corridor. If it weren’t for women in labor with newly born babies and happy fathers, everything would be completely fine. At about 4 o'clock in the afternoon I was already brought to the ward. In short, everything is similar to a normal birth, except much faster (the dilation needed is very small, the contractions lasted 4-5 hours in total) and with virtually no pushing. She immediately started taking bromocriptine to suppress lactation. The chest actually subsided quite quickly. I was still not discharged on Wednesday (I didn’t like the jump in white blood cells), but was released at lunchtime on Thursday. The attitude of the doctors and staff is wonderful. Everyone is very understanding and sympathetic. This was important to me. True, the 10-day course of bromocriptine did not help me - and after finishing it, five days later, my breasts became monstrously swollen and colostrum began to ooze. Although for my term it is powerful. I really wanted to feed my body, apparently... On the advice of Natalya Anatolyevna, I had to drink it for another week - two tablets a day, the milk was gone within a few days. Although the pills are very unpleasant, a lot side effects. But it’s better than walking around with breasts swollen with milk. And a month later my period started... What about the prices. We paid almost 50 thousand for the entire hospitalization and the procedure itself. Another 10 thousand was spent on tests. The cost of all the ultrasounds and consultations with professors is another 20 thousand. And another thing - if someone has to go through this. Everything can be survived. And two months later, I finally began to let go of this situation and move on with my life (largely thanks to the fact that I already have a child, and, of course, the support of my husband, family and friends). But I want to warn you - after all the shed tears, sleepless nights, doctors, papers, consultations, panic and fear, it seemed to me that I just had to survive this birth and then everything would be fine. After the procedure, I really felt much better - all the horror seemed to be behind me. For three days I was calm. And then it started to cover. Apparently, the hormones made themselves felt... I cried almost constantly, I didn’t want anything. It was unclear how to continue to live, all thoughts were only about one thing. It was very difficult. What saved me a little was that three weeks later the three of us, my husband and child, flew to the seaside for a week. It was much better there, but at home it came again with renewed vigor. You can’t run away from yourself... It’s bitter, it’s insulting, it’s hard. I can’t see small children and pregnant women yet, it’s torture. I understand that much, much worse things happen, but then my universe was collapsing, and I couldn’t imagine anything worse. But everything passes. And, God willing, it will never happen again. I wish you all health and wonderful babies! Take care of yourself! P.S. Thank you everyone for so many warm responses and words of support! :))) Honestly, I didn’t even expect answers - it’s still not the most pleasant topic. I wrote primarily for history and to help those who, God forbid, find themselves in a similar situation - although it would be better if no one had to face this in life. We were in a panic - where to go for help, what to do and how to survive it, and there was catastrophically little information on the Internet, it’s hard for those who survived it to write about it. Maybe my experience will help someone. If you need support or advice, be sure to write!

Well-being and psychological state of a woman after an abortion: how to survive depression and manage further relationships?

Artificial termination of pregnancy does not pass without leaving a trace for a woman.

In addition to somatic consequences and complications, there are psychological aspect abortion procedures.

Most women, after undergoing surgery to remove their unborn child from the uterine cavity, experience psychological difficulties; their condition after an abortion can hardly be called prosperous.

We will talk about how to survive an abortion and how to cope with depression after an abortion in this article.

Future mothers may have different attitudes towards the abortion procedure. Their attitude towards such a procedure is influenced by both individual factors (upbringing, character, financial situation) and social factors (society’s opinion, dominant religion).

If a woman herself consciously wishes to terminate the pregnancy, then psychological problems It may not happen to her, but this is rather an exception to the rule.

Often future mom decides to carry out abortion procedures under the influence external factors(lack of material resources, pressure from men).

But, in modern society, there is strong pressure on the woman from ardent opponents of abortion, representatives of religious denominations and public opinion that does not approve of abortion procedures in general.

Thus, the woman becomes caught between two forces.

On the one hand, there are difficult personal circumstances, which include:

difficult financial situation;
lack of confidence in the future;
reluctance to have a child unloved husband or a rapist;
psychological unpreparedness to become a mother.

The last point is especially typical for girls under twenty years of age, who, in most cases, feel like children themselves. Girls after an abortion often do not realize the importance of the decision they made.

On the other hand, there is external pressure that encourages a pregnant woman to give birth, despite any difficulties.

This pressure comes from:

close relatives and/or husband;
public and religious figures;
friends and work colleagues.

If at such moments a woman did not receive moral support, then after abortion procedures she will most likely become depressed.

It is not surprising that many people have a question: how to live after an abortion? After all, those around you are not always able to think: how does a woman feel after an abortion?

After the procedure of removing the fetus from the uterine cavity, most patients at abortion clinics experience various psychological problems.

They can occur either immediately after an abortion or months or years later and make life after an abortion very difficult not only for the woman, but also for those around her.

And the question of how to morally survive an abortion does not lose its relevance. Very often you can hear requests for help, how to get out of depression after an abortion?

The timing of the onset of psychological difficulties and their nature depend on the specific circumstances that led to the termination of pregnancy, and on the personal characteristics of the woman.

But many women need psychological help after an abortion. The most common disorder in such cases is post-abortion syndrome, or post-abortion depression.

The main factors of post-abortion depression include:

pre-abortion pressure from loved ones and men;
termination of a desired pregnancy for medical reasons;
rape;
fear of infertility due to an abortion;
carrying out an abortion procedure in late pregnancy;
pressure of public opinion.

When serious genetic pathologies are identified in the fetus that are incompatible with a normal, full life after birth, doctors recommend artificially terminating the pregnancy.

If such a pregnancy is desired by a woman and her husband, then the expectant mother may fall into severe depression after abortion procedures.

Despite the development of abortion technologies, after an abortion procedure there is still a risk of infertility, and this fact also contributes to the depressed state of the abortion patient.

When the onset of post-abortion syndrome is a fait accompli, and the state of health after an abortion leaves much to be desired, the question arises: how to cope with the consequences of the abortion procedure and not allow the depressive state to drag on? How to behave after an abortion?

A woman is faced with the task of coping with the following main manifestations of post-abortion syndrome (depression):

Often women are sure that after an abortion life has turned into hell. How to recover after an abortion?

It is very important that during the recovery period after abortion procedures, there is a person next to the woman who could help her overcome post-abortion depression and return to normal life.

It is categorically not recommended to combat depression after an abortion during pregnancy with the help of alcoholic beverages, since alcohol is a depressant and can only aggravate post-abortion depression. In addition, a woman, in addition to such depression, may develop alcohol dependence and experience abortive delirium.

Sleep disturbances that arise due to the stress of losing an unborn child should not be treated with strong sleeping pills (tranquilizers), since such drugs solve the problem only temporarily, and then the abortion patient may develop a dependence on sleeping pills, which will only worsen it psychological condition.

Often, abortive procedures can cause discord in family relationships, especially if one of the couple insisted on an abortion.

If a man insisted on such an operation, a woman may agree, and then blame this man for her post-abortion depression, which often leads to the destruction of the couple.

When an expectant mother for some reason does not want to give birth to a child, but the father insists on the birth, then after abortion procedures the woman often feels guilty for not keeping the child, in front of this child and in front of her man.

Such a feeling of guilt can lead to the disintegration of a family, and a sensitive and attentive attitude of a man towards a woman who has undergone such a difficult operation for her health and psyche as removing a fetus from the uterine cavity can save from disintegration.

If a man after an abortion can convince a woman that she is not to blame for anything and supports her morally during the period of psychological and physical post-abortion rehabilitation, then the woman will successfully overcome post-abortion syndrome, and such a couple in the future has a chance to give birth to the desired child.

So, the decision to terminate a pregnancy is not always easy for a woman, and abortions in a woman’s life often lead to despondency and depression.

Help from your husband and loved ones, seeking help from a specialist psychologist for support and stopping drinking alcohol during the rehabilitation period will help get rid of post-abortion syndrome.

We hope that thanks to our article you understand how to psychologically survive an abortion and how women who have had an abortion feel.

You can learn more about the psychological consequences that an abortion can cause from the video below:

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Source: post-abortion help.

Abortion is a cruel reality, a trauma, where there are many victims: the child, the woman herself and her environment. For a woman, an abortion is always a loss, for some voluntary, for others forced, the loss of a child, the opportunity to realize one’s maternal or paternal feelings.

No one warns the woman that things will no longer be as they were before. She has a desire to return how everything was before pregnancy, to get rid of the child and continue to live her old life, and this is a desire for her old life traps women.

What happens to a woman after an abortion, when the child is no longer there?

70% of women, according to some authors, face obvious difficulties after the incident, the remaining 30% do not recognize this as a problem and may believe that they did everything right. They may not connect the psychological difficulties they experience with abortion.

Most women have a feeling of irreparable loss, a feeling of guilt for what they have done, regret, and a feeling of worthlessness. There has been an irrevocable loss, women are experiencing grief, heartache and these experiences are beyond ordinary human emotions.

But women cannot express them in a socially acceptable form, mourn, bury, grieve with other people, or receive consolation. The wound is bleeding, but the woman does not know how to heal it.

A researcher on this problem, Teresa Burke, called such tears forbidden, a woman in our society has no right to them, since she voluntarily killed her child. But you can’t argue with feelings, they exist and they can’t find a way out.

This condition, the inability to express one's feelings and cope with anger, pain, fear and guilt, the inability to accept the murder of a child, is called post-abortion syndrome.

Post-abortion syndrome can take on completely different guises:

Post-abortion syndrome can also be experienced by men, children, doctors, consultants, all those people who somehow encountered this, participated in the decision-making or its implementation.

This is a crisis state for a woman and in her experience of loss she goes through the same stages:

Negation accomplished, the woman’s feelings are not expressed, detachment and numbness are noted.

Aggression on others, what they allowed to do or did not support, did not stop it, aggression can be obvious, but more often it is hidden and, as a result, suppressed, which leads to repressed feelings.

Depression, loss of interest in life, and all of the above manifestations of PAS

Adoption, it occurs when other stages of grief have been fully passed, and feelings have manifested themselves and been recognized.

This does not always happen to women after an abortion. And she gets stuck at the previous stage in its various manifestations.

In the already mentioned book "Forbidden Tears" by Teresa Burke, it is said that for women in society there is a social ban on openly expressing their feelings. The position is this - no child - no problem, no feelings, no grief. This attitude does not allow a woman to fully live her grief and heal herself.

What kind of psychological assistance and by whom can a woman who has had an abortion be provided:

It can be different people: relatives and friends, psychologist and priest.

On different levels of awareness and acceptance: on psychological or mental and spiritual.

The more resources a woman uses, the easier it will be for her to cope.

After an abortion, it is advisable for loved ones to:

Be there when needed
To be nearby so that you can be there when necessary. For a woman to know that there is support, you just need to call
Give the opportunity to be alone if the woman wants it
Talk to her about your attitude and feelings
Discuss with her her condition and her feelings.

It is important for the woman herself:

Don't push the pain away and pretend that everything is fine
Give vent to emotions, cry, scream, give vent to anger, tears
Determine a circle of trusted people who can support and understand and will not stand aside
If there are concerns that others you don’t want to dedicate will find out, you may want to limit your social circle for a while, give yourself time to be alone, or only with loved ones.
Talk about your feelings, what worries you, what you think about it
If your loved ones don’t want to hear about it, understand that they also have protection from worries, and before talking about themselves, ask what they think and feel
If loved ones do not know and should not find out, or do not want to talk at all, find any stranger, for example. psychologist or priest, and talk to him about it

What a woman should think about and what questions to answer frankly:

Realize the consequences of abortion: recognize the murdered child, precisely that it was a child, and not a clot of matter
Acknowledge that the pain she is experiencing is related to the loss of the child and mourn it
Use outward expressions of sadness and mourning as much as possible
Deal with suppressed feelings: grief, guilt, anger, loneliness, ambivalent attachment to lost children
Understand how the loss has affected your life
Forgive people: husband, parents, friends, health workers, other people who did not support or inclined to this act
Forgive yourself and receive forgiveness from God
Switch from painful experiences to a positive attitude
Be willing to come to terms with your experiences and receive healing.
The opportunity to reconsider your life, see the picture of your life as a whole and learn to perceive it in a new light
Discover the meaning of what happened and allow God to transform the experience into a desire to find hope, peace and liberation
Make up for what has been done in a positive direction.

Women can go through these milestones or stages to overcome negative experiences or heal, either on their own or with the help of a psychologist.

For professional psychological assistance You can briefly outline the stages of work:

Recognizing the murder of a child and responding to feelings.
Returning the child to the family system.
Determining the guilt of the participants in the event and forgiving them.
Accepting forgiveness from a child, from God.
Choice of possible compensation.

Methodologies used in psychological work: Genogram, “Family Sociogram”, “Diary of Events”, “Letter to a Child”, etc.

Only consistently, step by step, calling a spade a spade, reacting to feelings and turning to resources, will the psychologist and woman reach the goal, healing. One of the important criteria for achieving it will be the abolition of abortion in the future.

According to almost all psychological schools, making a decision about abortion, in psychologically, is an indicator of the presence of problems within a woman and within the family, such a decision is determined by the relationship with one’s parents, especially with one’s mother, the presence of intrapersonal conflicts, the attitude towards oneself as a woman, the presence and quality of emotional maturity.

Based on this, the work of a psychologist with feelings after an abortion will inevitably touch on such topics as attitude towards oneself, relationship with mother, etc.

Therefore, making a decision to refuse abortion in the future is an indicator of positive changes in the mental organization of a woman.

To live through this event, so that abortion does not have an impact on subsequent pregnancies, future children, relationships with her spouse and loved ones, it is important for a woman to desire to change her life, her thoughts, experiences, to be ready to work on herself and face pain, unpleasantness and rejection feelings.

Such work can and should be called healing through repentance, because repentance is translated as a change of mind, a change in the way of thinking, the realization that it can no longer be as it was before.

Old feelings, having opened, are replaced by new ones, old thoughts and intentions, when realized, bring good fruit.

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Source: the recently discussed topic of abortion has begun to appear more and more often on women's forums, because it is not just an ordinary operation like appendicitis, but much more serious, because its consequences are very difficult to survive emotionally. Being a mother is the destiny of every woman, which is inherent in nature itself. The girl grows up and becomes a woman capable of bearing and giving birth to a child, but sometimes such events still happen when you have to go against nature.

No matter how sad it is, women and young girls are resorting to termination of pregnancy more and more often for various reasons: poor financial condition, too young age, unwillingness to have children “now” or at all, inability to bear, the likelihood of giving birth to a child with disabilities. Terminating a pregnancy is half the trouble, because you then have to wait for the consequences, which can be very sad.

Post-abortion syndrome is the common name for a set of mental and physical illnesses that occur in most girls after surgery, both immediately and over time. The consequences of the stress experienced can be very diverse: from alcoholism to the inability to have children in the future. Every woman who has had an abortion suffers after the abortion, because it is very difficult to start living again after killing her own child.

It is very important to come to your senses after the experience and find peace of mind, even if confusion and pain in the soul do not allow you to live peacefully, it is necessary to establish emotional condition so that the past no longer bothers you and lets go of the situation as inevitable. It is possible that it will not be possible to regulate your emotional and mental state soon, but in any case it is necessary to conduct a mental dialogue with yourself in order to explain the reason to yourself and calm down. It’s good when there are relatives and friends nearby who can support and say nice words, help you understand yourself and your actions. Of course, it is easier to survive an abortion for those who had it forcedly due to inability to bear, contraindications for pregnancy or rape. After all, then, a woman can do practically nothing to give birth to a healthy and alive baby.

However, most often the girl takes this step voluntarily and, faced with a choice, makes it not in the direction of the unborn baby. After termination of pregnancy, the reasons are no longer important, what has been done cannot be undone, and there is still a long life ahead and you need to follow your path further, leaving as little part of yourself as possible with the unborn child. The woman’s psyche is already disturbed and, in addition to depression, a number of illnesses may arise that are associated with the operation itself.

It's no secret that the safest thing is drug interruption, being done on early up to 1 month. Surgical intervention is fraught with the inability to have children in the future, and this is a risk that any girl who takes this step is aware of. Therefore, it is worth going to it consciously and willingly accepting and withstanding all the consequences.

As a rule, women who are fully aware of their action experience abortion more easily than young girls who do not understand how to live after it. In any case, this shock requires a woman to have great willpower and spirit, a strong character, so as not to break the fragile female nature.

Abortion for medical reasons: the psychological state of a woman before and after

Unacknowledged grief

Post-abortion syndrome

Physiological symptoms

bleeding;
uterine dysfunction, which leads to miscarriages and premature births in subsequent pregnancies;
menstrual irregularities;
infectious diseases.

In gynecological practice, there are often cases of intractable diseases such as cancer after an abortion due to unexperienced feelings of guilt.

Psychosomatic symptoms

loss of libido;
skin itching;
sleep disorders (insomnia, nightmares, restless sleep);
causeless migraines;
abdominal pain, and others.

Psychological symptoms

guilt;
outbursts of anger and aggression for no apparent reason;
depression;
worries, fears, anxiety states;
feeling of inner emptiness, emotional fading;
low self-esteem and loss of self-esteem;
suicidal thoughts and suicide attempts;
hatred of oneself or of men;
avoidance of reality (alcohol or drug addiction);
the need to compensate for the loss of a child by giving birth to the next one, or vice versa, fear of pregnancy;
frequent mood swings, and others.

Stages of post-abortion experience

After an abortion, you may suffer deep inside, or, conversely, lose control over your emotions. But whatever pain you feel, you are not alone. Millions of women suffer just like you and return to normal life after terminating a pregnancy, going through all the stages of experiencing the consequences of an abortion.

Relief

You can feel relief after the operation, no matter how blasphemous it may sound. You've been through the worst, and you don't need to solve anything anymore.

Self-justification

"I was forced to do it." “I had to have a medical abortion to survive.” “I had an abortion because otherwise I would have doomed my child to suffer.” These are all facts and you should not deny them. Denial and self-flagellation will prolong the recovery process. If you don't give yourself the opportunity to justify your actions with their true reasons, you risk driving yourself to depression and suicide.

Realization and shock

Anger and depression

Acceptance and forgiveness

Stay in reality. The hardest thing is to face the truth and understand that this happened to you and your child. You had a medical abortion. Accept this fact. Your suffering is a healthy sign that you are aware of what happened. To heal emotional wounds, you need to acknowledge their existence and the reason for their occurrence.
Don't hide your feelings. Cry. This is much better than hiding grief deep within yourself. The pain will not go away on its own, and unshed tears will sooner or later find a way out in illness and nervous disorders, just as a deep splinter festeres.
Seek support. If you want to hide from everyone and be alone with your grief, you have every right to do so, but do not turn it into a way of life. Man is a social being and it is easier for him to recover from loss when he feels supported. Share your feelings with loved ones who can respect your loss and share your grief. Seek help from a psychologist. Join a support group or chat on forums with women who have experienced similar misfortunes.
Sorry. This is the most difficult thing. Anger towards yourself and others who were involved in the abortion is normal. To forgive yourself, you first need to forgive others, forgive fate for taking away this short-lived happiness. Once you get through this, it will be easier for you to forgive yourself.
Don't let anyone invalidate your feelings or make light of your grief. You have the right to suffer. You have lost a child.

At the very beginning of your recovery journey, you need to realize that you can only help someone who wants help and is looking for it.

Repentance and Atonement

Abortion. This word gives many people goosebumps. This is despite the fact that although it is not customary to talk about it, this practice is quite common.

For some, this procedure is a method of preventing and regulating fertility in the family. For others, it is a mistake from which the wounds never heal.

Any parent who is asked to name the biggest disaster in life will highlight the horror of losing a child.

Women who lose a baby within a couple of hours after birth or years later experience intense grief, which flows into a sense of loss. Relatives unconditionally support parents and help mourn the loss.

Another thing is with girls who suffered a miscarriage or termination of pregnancy for medical reasons, that is, it did not happen on their initiative. Here she can get support from others. Although, there is often a devaluation of what happened. Since the child was not born, many do not perceive him as something whole and formed. In particular, if the loss of the fetus occurred in the first months of pregnancy, when only young parents could know about it, then the failed mother herself seeks to reduce the significance of this event, counting on a new attempt soon. But even in this situation, she can still receive help and sympathy from loved ones.

However, in the case of abortion, more often the girl is left alone with her experiences. Here this procedure is not meant as a doctor’s prescription due to unsatisfactory indications ( ectopic pregnancy, cancer, etc.). In this article we will try to describe the psychological aspect of the experience of this event by a woman who consciously made a choice not in favor of a new life.

It is not our purpose to analyze the moral aspect of such a decision.

State attitude

In our country, legalization occurred in 1920, although they were prohibited from 1936 to 1955. It was at this time that birth control began using this method.

Representatives of the fairer sex, perceiving this as a method of protection, could have 15 interruptions on their account, some reached 30. And such a number does not at all indicate the frivolity of the girl’s behavior; such frequency was typical for the majority. At enterprises where there were women's groups, there was the possibility of official time off for an abortion. Everyone understood and did not judge.

In biology books, in the anatomy section, where drawings of the development of a human fetus were shown, instead of an embryo, a turtle or other animal was drawn. That is, in those days the attitude towards an unborn child was different; there was tacit consent to this act in society. Depreciation of life at the moment intrauterine development occurred due to many cultural factors: social and economic instability, propaganda of atheism, availability of the procedure in public medical institutions. And yet, if the girl was worried about what she had done, then there was a subsequent likelihood that she would develop post-abortion syndrome (PAS).

What is PAS?

The condition of post-abortion syndrome is similar to the psychological indicators of post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD).

In PTSD, the subject knows for sure that he has experienced an exciting event and therefore reacts to it accordingly. PAS may not occur, because what is important is the personal meaning that she puts into the procedure. If for her this is just a medical operation, a “cleaning,” then the syndrome may not develop. But if she brings a special idea into this process, in which she personifies this as getting rid of her own child, then there is a greater chance of the formation of PAS.

Symptoms of PAS

A complex of guilt, which is often backed by restrained aggression either towards oneself, or towards a partner, or towards other circumstances that forced one to agree to such medical intervention.
Formation of the depressive triad: low mood, motor retardation, negative thinking.
The emergence of haunting thoughts about abortion. This can be presented in the form of nightmares, flashbacks (instant realistic images from the past), powerful feelings about an ill-fated day. Some women may calculate the approximate time of the expected birth and inappropriately wait until this day to mourn.
There is emotional detachment. During this period, they react especially sharply to children’s crying and do not want to contact children. They become especially close to those girls who have either previously had abortions or are planning to do so. They can become active participants in rallies and other programs to legalize artificial termination of pregnancy on the initiative of the mother, to support the female sex in this decision. This is an unconscious way to justify yourself.
There is a desire to quickly give birth to another child that would replace the aborted one. Often there is a low level of demonstration of tender, warm manifestations towards those already born.
Some may experience suicidal thoughts and intentions. The “hole” created by the crime begins to be filled with alcohol, drugs, promiscuity, dangerous sports, perverted sexual contacts(sado-maso, participation in public orgies, etc.), attraction to homosexual relationships.

This variety of reactions is born of deep feelings of guilt and the inability to mourn the loss.

Imbalance in mental state arises due to intrapersonal conflict. On the one hand, there is legal permission for abortion. But on the other hand, there is an understanding that this is wrong, nature did not intend it this way.

Some, when they came to church services, still did not feel relief, so they went there again and again. Even the work of a psychotherapist may not always be effective. Firstly, this topic is not highlighted separately in the training program for specialists, but is considered only within the framework of psychological trauma. Also, the psychologist himself may have experience of encountering PAS. An additional negative factor may be the specialist’s personal beliefs that do not allow him to work with such a request.

So how can we prevent it from becoming destructive? How to survive an abortion?

"Steps of Repentance"

It is necessary to acknowledge the fact that there was a child.
Awareness of all the feelings that you have for this situation. It is important to acknowledge and face even the most frightening and unbearable ones.
Give the unborn baby a name.
Deal with responsibility. It is accepted that a woman is responsible for her actions, but in any case, part of it always lies with the father. It needs to be divided between partners, as well as between other relatives who could exert possible pressure.
Now it's time for repentance. You can say out loud: “I regret what I did!”
You can turn to the aborted baby and ask for forgiveness.
Don't ignore communication with other children.
The moment has come to transform guilt into sin. What's the difference between them? The first is attitude towards oneself, a component of personality. The second is something alien to human nature. And you can get rid of this, leave it, erase it with the help of repentance and confession.
After this, there will be an opportunity to accept a new experience, already processed and lived. Here an adequate attitude towards the event and towards oneself as a whole is formed. This past doesn’t go anywhere, it just takes its place in the heart, in the head, in the memory. Anyone who has gone through such a test is now able to understand the price of this act.

Maria Sokolova

Reading time: 8 minutes

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The topic of abortion is quite controversial nowadays. Some people take this deliberately and don’t even think about the consequences, while others are forced to take this step by circumstances. The latter is especially difficult to experience. However, not every woman is able to cope with post-abortion syndrome on her own.

Time heals, but this period must also be survived.

Medical indications for abortion

How is the decision to have an abortion made?

In any case, the decision about motherhood is made by the woman herself. Before offering the option of abortion, it is necessary to hold a consultation of doctors. Those. The “sentence” is passed not only by the gynecologist, but also by a specialized specialist (oncologist, therapist, surgeon), as well as the head of the medical institution. Only after all experts have come to the same opinion can they offer this option. And even in this case, the woman has the right to decide for herself whether to agree or continue the pregnancy. If you are sure that the doctor did not consult with other specialists, then you have the right to write a complaint to the head physician against a specific health worker.

Reviews from women who experienced abortion for medical reasons:

Mila:

I had to terminate the pregnancy for medical reasons (the baby had a fetal malformation and a bad double test). It’s impossible to describe the horror I experienced, and now I’m trying to come to my senses! Now I’m thinking how to make up my mind next time and not be afraid!? I would like to ask advice from those who have been in a similar situation - how to get out of depression? Now I’m waiting for the analysis that was done after the interruption, then I’ll probably need to go to a geneticist. Tell me, does anyone know what kind of examinations need to be done, and how to plan the next pregnancy?

Natalia:

How can I survive an artificial termination of pregnancy for medical reasons at a late stage - 22 weeks (two congenital and severe malformations in the child, including hydrocephalus of the brain and several missing vertebrae)? This happened a month ago, and I feel like a murderer of my long-awaited child, I can’t come to terms with it, enjoy life, and I’m not sure that I can be a good mother in the future! I am afraid of a repetition of the diagnosis, I suffer due to increased disagreements with my husband, who has moved away from me and strives for friends. What can I do to somehow calm down and get out of this hell?

Valentina:

The other day I had to find out what “abortion” is... without wanting to. At the 14th week of pregnancy, an ultrasound revealed a cyst on the baby’s entire tummy (the diagnosis was incompatible with his life! But this was my first pregnancy, a desired one, and everyone was looking forward to the baby). But alas, you need to have an abortion + the period is long. Now I don’t know how to cope with my emotions, tears flow in streams at the first reminder of my former pregnancy and the abortion I experienced...

Irina:

I had a similar situation: my first pregnancy ended badly, everything seemed to be fine, at the first ultrasound they said that the baby was healthy and everything was normal. And at the second ultrasound, when I was already 21 weeks pregnant, it turned out that my boy had gastroschisis (intestinal rings develop outside the tummy, i.e. the lower tummy is not fused) and labor was induced. I was terribly worried, and the whole family was in mourning. The doctor told me that the next pregnancy could only be in a year. I gained strength and pulled myself together and after 7 months I was pregnant again, but the fear for the baby, of course, did not leave me. Everything went well, and 3 months ago I gave birth to a girl, absolutely healthy. So, girls, everything will be fine, the main thing is to pull yourself together and survive this terrible moment in life.

Alyona:

I have to terminate my pregnancy for medical reasons (on the part of the fetus - severe irreparable malformations of the musculoskeletal system). This can only be done after five to six weeks, since it turned out that this was necessary when I was already at 13 weeks, and at this stage an abortion can no longer be done, and other possible methods of terminating the pregnancy become available only from 18-20 weeks. This was my first pregnancy, wanted.

Naturally, my husband is also worried, trying to relieve tension in a casino, while drinking... I understand him in principle, but why does he choose exactly these methods if he knows perfectly well that they are unacceptable for me?! Is this how he blames me for what happened and tries to hurt me in such an indirect way? Or does he blame himself and try to make it easier to survive this way?

I, too, am in constant tension, on the verge of hysteria. I am constantly tormented by questions, why with me? Who is to blame for this? What is this for? And the answer can only be received in three or four months, if in principle it can be obtained...

I am afraid of the operation, I am afraid that the situation will become known to the family, and I will also have to endure their sympathetic words and accusing glances. I'm afraid that I don't want to take the risk of trying to have more children. How can I get through these few weeks? Don’t lose your temper, don’t ruin your relationship with your husband, avoid problems at work? Will the nightmare end in a few weeks, or is this just the beginning of a new one?

What is post-abortion syndrome?

The decision has been made, the abortion is done and nothing can be returned. It is at this moment that various kinds of psychological symptoms begin, which in traditional medicine are called “post-abortion syndrome.” This is a series of symptoms of a physical, psychosomatic and mental nature.

Bodily manifestations syndrome are:

bleeding;

infectious diseases;

damage to the uterus, which subsequently leads to premature birth, as well as spontaneous miscarriages;

Irregular menstrual cycle and problems with ovulation.

Often in gynecological practice there have been cases of cancer due to a previous abortion. This is due to the fact that a constant feeling of guilt weakens a woman’s body, which sometimes leads to the formation of tumors.

Psychosomatics"post-abortion syndrome":

very often after abortion there is a decrease in libido in women;

sexual disorders can also manifest themselves in the form of phobias due to a previous pregnancy;

sleep disorders (insomnia, restless sleep and nightmares);

unexplained migraines;

pain in the lower abdomen, etc.

The psychosomatic nature of these phenomena also leads to sad consequences. Therefore, it is necessary to take timely measures to combat these symptoms.

And finally, the most extensive nature of the symptoms - psychological:

Again, this is only a partial list of manifestations of “post-abortion syndrome.” Of course, it cannot be said that it goes through the same way for all women; some women go through it immediately after an abortion, while for others it may only appear after some time, even after several years. It is worth noting that after the abortion procedure, not only the woman suffers, but also her partner, as well as close people.

How to cope with “post-abortion syndrome”?

So, how can you cope with this situation if you have experienced this phenomenon firsthand, or how can you help another loved one cope with the loss?

First, realize that you can only help a person who wants (read: seeks) help. Need to face reality. Realize that this happened, that it was her child (regardless of the timing of the abortion).

Now it is necessary accept another truth- you did it. Accept this reality without making excuses or blaming yourself.

And now comes the most difficult moment - forgive. The hardest thing is to forgive yourself, so you first need to forgive the people who took part in this, forgive God for sending you such short-lived joy, forgive the child as a victim of circumstances. And after you manage to cope with this, feel free to move on to forgiving yourself.

First, speak up. Talk to your family and close friends, talk until you feel better. Try not to be alone with yourself so that there is no time to “escalate” the situation. Whenever possible, get out into nature and into public places where you are socially comfortable;

Be sure to support your partner and your loved ones. Sometimes it's easier to find comfort in caring for other people. Understand that this event is not only morally difficult for you;

Highly recommend contact a specialist (to a psychologist). In the most difficult moments, we need a person who will listen to us and treat the situation objectively. This approach brings many people back to life.

Contact the Maternity Support Center in your city (you can see the full list of centers here - https://www..html);

Besides, there are special organizations (including church organizations) that support women at this difficult moment in life. If you need advice, please call 8-800-200-05-07 (abortion helpline, free call from any region), or visit sites:

http://semya.org.ru/motherhood/index.html

http://www.noabort.net/node/217

http://www.aborti.ru/after/

http://www.helpsy.ru/places

Watch your health. Strictly follow your doctor's instructions and maintain personal hygiene. It’s sad, but your uterus is now suffering along with you, it is literally an open wound where infection can easily get into. Be sure to visit a gynecologist to prevent the occurrence of consequences;

Now not the best time learn about pregnancy . Be sure to discuss your contraception with your doctor; you will need it for the entire recovery period;

Set yourself up for a positive future. Believe me, how you get through this difficult period will determine your future. And if you cope with these difficulties, then in the future your experiences will dull and will not be an open wound on your soul;

Necessarily discover new hobbies and interests . Let it be whatever you want, as long as it brings you joy and motivates you to move forward.

When faced with a problem, we want to step back and be alone with our grief. But this is not the case - you need to be among people and get away from soul-searching. Man is a social creature; it is easier for him to cope when he is supported. Find support in your misfortune too!

A woman terminates a pregnancy for various reasons, ranging from financial insolvency to the phrase “I’m not ready yet.” But the essence remains the same: abortion cannot pass without a trace. There is always a certain feeling of guilt and wondering what could have happened next. In fact, you cannot go back to the past and fix everything, there is only today and the future. This is what you need to concentrate on, and we will help you.

Forms of abortion

The first type is abortion, which is planned in advance. A woman goes to the clinic and undergoes an examination. This type of interruption can be done before the gestation period is 8 weeks.

The second type is spontaneous, in other words, miscarriage. Such an interruption can happen unplanned as a result of life circumstances or illnesses. It is much more difficult for a woman to endure a miscarriage if she is eagerly awaiting the baby.

The third form is therapeutic abortion. In some cases, there is a condition of a woman who cannot bear a fetus, taking into account her health or other characteristics.

Reasons for abortion

Today, not all young girls are ready to become mothers so early. This is what motivates them to have an abortion. If life is just gaining momentum, and the guy is against the birth of the baby, there is a need for an interruption unwanted pregnancy. This also includes the intense rhythm of life, the reluctance of young couples to have a child and other other aspects that push a girl to have an abortion.
Another reason lies in financial insolvency. That is, a girl may and wants to give birth, she is ready to become a mother, but she does not earn enough for herself and the baby. Or the father of the unborn child has sunk into thin air. Lack of money and strong despair prompts one to abandon the fetus by going to the clinic. The same category of reasons includes being busy with a career, a banal lack of time and money.
This spectrum includes reasons for termination of pregnancy that are related to the woman’s health. There are pathologies and diseases that are difficult to treat or cannot be treated at all. Against this background, the girl forever refuses the opportunity to have children, so that they are not born with congenital pathologies. This life situation hits the psycho-emotional environment of women the most. Surviving an abortion and coping with moral shock is much more difficult, as if a lady went to have an abortion, having thought everything over.
Another reason for abortion, which is a complex problem, is forced termination of pregnancy due to defects in the fetus. Of course, every expectant mother has the right to choose whether to terminate a pregnancy or give birth. But smart women do the right thing without putting the baby at risk. Opinions on this matter vary; some are ready to raise a child with defects for the rest of their days, others prefer to have an abortion now.

Post-abortion syndrome

It is not difficult to recognize this condition. The main signs include strong apathy, reluctance to do favorite things, household chores, and work.

Post-abortion syndrome includes obsessive thoughts and feelings of anxiety, insecurity, and fear of who knows what. It can’t be done without nervousness, hysterics, and constant tears.

The performance of both mental and physical levels decreases. Unreasonable fatigue appears, the girl already feels dejected in the morning.

The syndrome is also accompanied by a complete reluctance to communicate with people, even the closest ones. The desire for loneliness and the constant scrolling of thoughts further aggravate the situation.

Naturally, the desire to eat disappears and body weight decreases. Sleep is disturbed and nightmares appear. Another important thing is that libido decreases and the feeling of one’s own attractiveness is lost.

You should carefully study all the signs, and then take appropriate measures. Sometimes it happens that it is necessary to visit a psychologist, sexologist, gynecologist and other highly specialized specialists.

An abortion indicates that a woman is not yet ready to fully become a mother, devote herself to raising children or support them without financial support from outside. The situation is unpleasant, but has already passed, you need to try to let it go.
You cannot influence what has already happened. Some experts believe that abortion is nothing more than protecting an unborn child from evil intentions and a dysfunctional life. After all, you need to carefully prepare for the birth of a child, but you cannot yet provide this.
Realize your responsibility. Think about it: could you give your baby all the necessary benefits or is it better to postpone pregnancy and motherhood for a more favorable time? Try to understand that at this stage life does not end, you will give happy life a little later, when you are 100% ready for it.
Do not under any circumstances think about your actions now. You made a decision, analyzed everything clearly, and consulted with a doctor. Accept the situation, even with tears and complete despair, but do not withdraw into yourself. From now on, try to avoid accidental pregnancy.
Contact the gynecologist who operated on you. Consult him about possible consequences, let the doctor recommend a good psychotherapist. Abortion is always accompanied by hormonal imbalance. The gynecologist should prescribe targeted medications that stabilize hormone levels. Pharmacy vitamins that will improve the functioning of all systems, including the central nervous system, will not be superfluous.
If the female doctor has not identified any abnormalities in your health, it makes sense to normalize your psycho-emotional background and talk to someone. A psychologist can act as a random person. He will determine where the root of the problem is hidden, pull it out and eliminate it. Often, a specialist prescribes antidepressants that help cope with post-abortion syndrome.
In cases where there is no money and no desire to seek professional help, talk to your friends or loved one. Ask for support, chat on forums with people who have also experienced something similar. Understand that you are not alone with your troubles.
Almost all cases of abortion end with the woman’s libido dropping after it. Sexual activity decreases, the desire to get closer to a man disappears. The girl no longer feels desired as before, although this is not true. All attraction to each other is lost. In such situations, you need the help of a sexologist or any other therapy (vacation, hobby, shopping, outdoor recreation, etc.) that will allow you to increase your libido.

After an abortion, the girl falls into a depressive state, which is accompanied by a combination of symptoms. This disorder is otherwise called post-abortion syndrome, which is directly related to the psycho-emotional background of a person. Professional help and constant work on yourself are required.