You can put a lot of effort into your beauty, comprehend spiritual practices and culinary art, love your spouse madly and one day discover that everything has collapsed - he leaves for another. Some blame their mistress for this, others blame their husbands, others blame themselves. Who is really to blame?
If the husband left for his mistress, then there is a reason for this. Perhaps after some time he will be drawn home and the couple will be reunited again. In order not to step on the same rake twice, a married couple should find the cause of the breakup and try to eliminate it. What could become such?
- Polygamy. Sometimes there is no one to blame. Polygamy is inherent in nature, so it is better to take the information for granted and just wait. In 90% of cases, men return to their families.
- Mystery. By nature, a man is a hunter. To keep him, you need to intrigue him. No wonder there is an expression that a woman must have a mystery. When it is solved, the hunter rushes in search of a new victim. But then he returns to his wife again. This fact does not apply to all males. But there is a certain type for whom such a game represents the essence of a love relationship.
- Strong woman. There are women who do not tolerate sentimentality and are afraid to show weakness even in private. They do not disdain men's work, they decide family problems and earn more than the head of the family. It’s no wonder that the husband leaves for his mistress after some time. After all, no one asked how he sees an ideal marriage. Perhaps he wants to show care, be the main breadwinner and solve everyday problems himself. And then at one point in a man’s life a companion appears who allows him to do this. Although there is also back side: since this type does not naturally have initiative, the role of head of the family will not be fulfilled for long. When the enthusiasm fades, the husband returns to his wife again.
- Life It's no secret that everyday life kills feelings. A series of problems is annoying and often leads to quarrels in marriage. Scandals become the only emotional outburst. The rest remains behind the scenes. It is this “rest” that the spouse finds on the side.
- Extreme. The passion between spouses subsides over the years, and the relationship becomes more like a friendship. She cooks, he looks for novelty and finds it on the side. Although the ending of these love stories is also predictable - usually, after experiencing a dose of extreme sports, the faithful return to their ex-wives.
- Wife's indifference. This is a classic situation: robe, curlers, pots, children. The wife is too lazy to take care of herself and has no time to listen to her husband’s problems. The husband in this situation, as in the previous one, finds consolation in another.
How long will the fight between the ex and the future last?
There are a lot of cases when men return to their family from a new passion. The question is, how long does it take for this to happen? How long should you wait - a year, two, three or more? According to psychologists, serious affairs on the side last about eight months. This is a short period of time, if you remember the theory that love lasts three years. At the same time, it is impossible to answer with certainty how long it will take for your loved one to return home. Everyone has their own situation. For some representatives of the stronger sex, relationships with their mistresses can last ten years. These are the cases when they are in no hurry to make a choice and live in two houses. Marriage here is based only on an unspoken agreement: everyone has their own personal life.
If the husband left for his mistress immediately
Without long hesitation. The situation becomes a little simpler because:
- The period of throwing, and at the same time the suffering of all parties, is reduced.
- The sooner a new couple begins their life together, the faster their feelings will be tested by everyday life.
- The man will begin to compare his ex with his new passion and quickly determine whether he feels good in the new conditions.
The optimal period required for the transition from passion to everyday life is one and a half to two years. The period may be shorter, because sometimes the very fact of furtive meetings adds spice. If this was the only meaning of love, exes quickly break up with their mistresses and come back. Here are some more reasons why husbands return to their wives from their mistresses:
- Mental and physical comfort, which was in the previous house and was lost in another.
- Financial situation, which suited the former and does not suit the current companion - she was counting on more.
- Disappearing passion. Perhaps passion was the only reason for the union. When she disappears, the situation reaches a dead end. About such cases they say: “It was a mistake.”
- Epiphany. It turned out that the love was far-fetched, the man just needed a pause to understand how dear his ex-wife was to him.
It is possible that the above will have one underlying reason - a midlife crisis. Many mistakes are made precisely because of a radical revaluation of values. In times of crisis this is very important.
How long a midlife crisis lasts is as difficult to determine as it is to answer how long it will take for your spouse to want to go home. Everyone has their own deadline.
It can be squeezed into a year, or it can stretch out for ten years. It all depends on internal complexes and upbringing. But no matter how long the midlife crisis lasts, outside consolation will not be a salvation from worries. An option is possible when a man breaks off relations with his wife, and then with a new passion, and remains in the status of a bachelor for some time.
Woman's behaviorwho was abandoned: first reaction
The departure of a loved one is stressful, so experiencing negative emotions in the first period is normal. The woman feels humiliated, insulted, she is hurt and scared because no one needs her. Containing emotions is not a woman’s business, therefore, the sooner they spill out, the sooner you can pull yourself together. The latter is very important for those who intend to bring their spouse home. Yes, you won’t be forced to be nice and no one gives guarantees that he will return, but to accept the news of leaving with dignity is the first step towards reconciliation.
The most important thing is to contain negative emotions at the moment of leaving. Even if the couple will never be together again, discomfort The consequences of their actions can last a lifetime.
When the job is done and he has left, you should not look for consolation in food, alcohol or promiscuity. Going to extremes will not make it any easier. Endless phone calls do not bode well either. Requests to return home, accusations and reproaches only humiliate. You definitely can’t save your family from your mistress. Rather, on the contrary: for your loved one, these actions will become another confirmation that he did the right thing.
How to behave? It’s good if the spouse has long guessed about an affair on the side and had the opportunity to prepare herself for the news of leaving. It’s worse if the news came as a bolt from the blue. In this situation, you can’t pick a reaction; it will spill out intuitively. Although you can stop in time. Ideally, it is better not to start a scandal, not to play out a drama, but, having swallowed the insult, calmly accept the news. And if a woman has the courage to say that she respects her lover’s decision, then the first winning move is automatically credited to the ex’s account. The husband will certainly appreciate his wife’s wisdom, not now, but later, when he wants to return.
Important! Under no circumstances should you sort things out withhusband's new companion! This is always a loss and humiliation of oneself.
Another one important recommendation- do not overdo it in discussions with friends. You shouldn’t let them in on your details. married life and throw mud at your ex. What if after a while he returns home and family life gets better again? Meetings with people who are aware of a family scandal are not very pleasant. You will have to change friends and company.
And yes, the more talk about betrayal, the more the emotional pendulum swings. It will be more difficult to find peace of mind, and the state of resentment will last longer.
What to do when emotions have subsided: trying to understand yourself
When the first reaction has been experienced, instead of replaying the situation over and over again, you need to step back and think about what to do next. It must be remembered that there are only two options: forgive and return, or forget and move on. If the choice fell on the first, then you should seriously think about what exactly makes you return ex-spouse. After all, feelings tend to mix and in such a situation it is difficult to distinguish where the truth is and where it is a product of anger and resentment. What may guide you when deciding to get your ex back:
- The desire to restore dignity. Trying to take away what is hers, the spouse wants to restore the feeling self-esteem and compensate for the insult. If a reunion occurs, the couple does not live together for long. Living together comes down to reproaches and pressure to feel guilty. Do husbands return to such exes forever? Hardly.
- Revenge on the homewrecker. Perhaps the relationship between the couple collapsed long ago, but the spouses never talked about it. As a result of the breakup, a woman may simply be angry at the one who allegedly broke up their family. But if the man returns, the feeling of victory will last a maximum of a week. Next there will be the same reproaches, feelings of guilt and disgust.
- Children. The most common reason. Parents forget that children are happy when their mom and dad are happy too. Children feel emotions very subtly, so saving a family through deception is not the best way to the right way. If you talk to children on an adult level, they will understand and support any decision of their parents.
What to do if there is a reason true love? After what time can you start trying to get your loved one back? At once. The first rule is not to put pressure, set conditions, not threaten or force decisions. The second is a serious but calm conversation in private. A married couple needs to try to remember all the difficulties and happy moments lived together. It’s good if she makes it clear that the feelings haven’t faded yet and that she’s ready to accept her ex into the family after the betrayal. The conversation will be a test for herself. Suddenly, in the process of communication, it turns out that there are no feelings at all, that this is self-deception. Or it may be that the spouse himself will express doubts about the breakup and hint that all is not lost. His departure may be just a moment of madness.
Women's advice: If the husband decides to return, do not quicklydisclose hugs. At first, it’s better to “think” a little about whether to take it back. After all, he is the culprit of women’s tears and suffering.
What if he doesn't intend to come back?
If a man remains adamant after a conversation, then worry and self-criticism away. These two satellites are the worst solution to the problem. We need to focus on the future and start creating a new life. This is only possible if you once and for all prohibit yourself from scrolling through variations on the theme: will he ever return to me? You only need to focus on yourself: remember your attractiveness, your ability to arouse desire in men.
Begin new stage best from the outside. This is even recommended by psychologists. New hairstyle, a radical change in clothing style, getting rid of extra pounds— these worries can fill your thoughts at first. If there are any things in the house that remind you of a past relationship, you need to get rid of them or put them out of sight. The same goes for the wardrobe.
You need to find the positives in everything. If the husband restrained his former companion in some way, for example, did not let him go out with friends, now is the time to take advantage of the opportunity. It is also worth thinking about what you always wanted to do, but did not have time for it: yoga, dancing, swimming pool, fitness, etc. The more active the pastime, the greater the chance of switching to good things and pushing an unpleasant event into the background.
It’s even better to regard the breakup as an opportunity to analyze your mistakes in family life. Perhaps after some period it will be discovered that the reason for the divorce was not at all what it seemed at first. If a woman finds the courage to admit and work through her mistakes, she will have a better chance of creating a new and more prosperous family.
And perhaps it will happen that after a while the man will be drawn home. They often return to their exes if they give them complete freedom. After all, the more the level of importance of a problem decreases, the faster it resolves itself. And then it’s up to the woman to decide whether to accept her ex into the family after cheating or continue to build new life with another person.
Answers to questions about love triangle for men and women.
The feeling of falling in love and the instinct to preserve the family push men and women to create family unions. Sometimes people feel their loneliness so acutely that they are willing to sacrifice a lot to find their soulmate. But having found their favorite women and married them, men change their attitude towards them. After the marriage stamp appears in the passport, women are transformed from objects of worship into housekeepers, dishwashers, cooks and childcare workers. Often, communication and contact with your husband are completely absent from the list of these things. Therefore, having found ideal wife, men start looking the perfect lover.
What does an ideal wife look like in a man's eyes?
- She can cook great
- She endlessly puts things in order in the family nest
- She takes good care of the children
- She gets along with her mother-in-law and other in-laws
What does an ideal lover look like in a man's eyes?
- She is beautiful and knows how to take care of herself
- She never has a headache and is always ready for active sex
- She doesn't walk around the house in a dirty robe and slippers.
- She doesn't bother you with problems family budget and children's bad grades at school
Can a woman combine the ideal wife and the ideal lover? Practice shows that this task turns out to be impossible for women because, playing the role of a voluntary slave of a stove and a doormat, it turns out to be difficult for women to turn into a sex goddess.
The number of divorces due to infidelity can be reduced by doing housework together But, if she can shift at least part of the “light housework” onto her husband’s shoulders, she will have the time and desire to do new hairstyles, facial and body skin care, and new outfits. Since it turns out to be easier and much more interesting for a man to find a woman on the side rather than relieve his wife of household work, this task remains impossible for a woman.
Why does a married man need a mistress, what does a mistress mean to him, what does he expect from her?
The main reason why men have an affair is dissatisfaction with their sex life with their wife. It can be difficult for husbands to understand that they should not expect from a woman who spins like a squirrel in a wheel of initiative and the embodiment of a man’s desires. If a woman not only works at home, but also goes to work, then when she returns home after a hard day, picking up her children from kindergarten or school, having washed the dishes and fed the family dinner, she dreams not of sex, but of sleep.
A man, even if he went to work, but freed from household work, is full of energy and sexual desires. Many women may be surprised, but the vast majority of men, especially under 30, want sex every day or every other day. If such a schedule does not coincide with the schedule of his wife’s desires, he will look for satisfaction on the side.
As a result, by relieving a man of household work and burdening themselves, women themselves create the preconditions for their husband’s infidelity
Also, the reason that forces a man to look for a mistress may not be the quantity, but the quality of sex. Many married couples are embarrassed or afraid to discuss these topics with each other. And it’s difficult for them not only to express wishes about what they would like to get from sex, but it’s also difficult for them to talk about what they don’t like about sexual intimacy.
What does a married man expect from his mistress?
When deciding to cheat, a man expects his mistress to satisfy his sexual needs. But having an affair involves not only sex, but also communication. If there are scandals and showdowns in the family, and the mistress knows how to listen and understand the man, then an affair on the side can lead to a divorce from his wife. Many single women, entering into a love affair with a married man, seek to divorce such a man from his wife. And to achieve this goal, they skillfully use the contrast that a man sees between his mistress and his wife.
Psychology of relationships between a married man and his mistress
As a rule, a married man, when dating his mistress, does not seek a divorce and marriage to another woman. He is quite happy with a love triangle, where in the family circle he receives care from his wife, contact with his children, and from his mistress, complete satisfaction of his sexual needs. Such a double life can cause him minor remorse and a feeling of guilt towards his wife. Unfortunately, these negative emotions do not in any way affect his intentions to leave this situation unchanged.
A woman who acts as a mistress cannot help but feel the inferiority of her position and will strive in every possible way to change it. If the mistress insists on a divorce, and the man opposes this, the idyll between her and the married man may be disrupted. This may cause a rift between them.
Can a married man love both his wife and his mistress: signs
Men and women have different meanings for the word “love”. So for a woman, love can be synonymous with fidelity, devotion, a feeling of inspiration and the desire to take care of a man. And for a man, “love” can mean a willingness to have sex with a woman. Can a man be willing to have sex with more than one woman? It definitely can and even strives for this. This does not mean that every man should be suspected of adultery, with or without reason. The presumption of innocence or failure to prove a crime applies not only to hardened criminals, but also to husbands.
Can a married man be jealous of his mistress?
Jealousy or a sense of possessiveness is inherent in the relationship between a married man and his mistress. Despite the fact that in his mistress’s life he only “comes for an hour,” she may be jealous of his wife. In addition, she cannot help but understand that she is not the only one to whom such a man could turn his attention. A man is capable of being jealous of his mistress towards other men and feeling like the sultan of a harem, where every concubine is his property.
Why do married men have young mistresses?
Often, middle-aged men take on young lovers in order to increase their self-esteem and increase potency if there is a tendency for it to fade. This happens because it is young women who have the strongest sexual attractiveness. They attract the attention of men, as females are capable of procreation. Here, pheromones play a role, which a young woman smells during the period of fertilization.
Can a mistress be older than a man?
Yes, young, sexually inexperienced men strive to have experienced lovers older than them. If an older woman, in addition to successful sex, offers young man delicious lunches, the ability to listen without getting irritated and give wise advice- such an alliance can be very successful.
How many mistresses can a married man have?
If a man is in excellent sexual shape and wants sex every day, then the number of his mistresses can be equal to the number of times he has sex. This is a slight exaggeration of the truth, which is that for a man who has allowed himself one mistress, it is not difficult to have as many of them as his body can withstand.
Does a man leave his family for his mistress: how often, in what cases?
In the vast majority of cases, a man does not leave his family for his mistress. Because he understands perfectly well that he is already in an excellent position. Often the initiator of a breakup is the wife who finds out about her husband’s infidelity. In this case, the man may go to his mistress against his will. He can also leave the family if his marriage is falling apart at the seams due to mutual misunderstanding between him and his wife.
If his mistress offers him attentive care and understanding instead of scandals in his family, he may buy into such tricks and leave his wife. If a man marries his new passion and instead of the status of “mistress,” she receives the status of “wife,” he risks repeating the failures of his first marriage, but in a more severe version, and his new wife risks getting the role of a wife waiting for her husband after going to see a new, more interesting woman.
What kind of mistresses do men go to?
In order to win in a love triangle, the lover must be at times better than wife. Often a woman tries so hard to get closer to a man’s ideal and win that she really becomes a beauty, a smart girl and a sex goddess. The only thing a man should remember when leaving for such a woman is that she works for such an image to the limit of her capabilities and will stop straining immediately after she becomes a wife.
In what cases do married men leave their mistresses?
Mistresses are not abandoned if they fulfill the functions assigned to them. But if a woman who is in the role of a mistress begins to take over the functions of a wife, that is, she makes scandals, sorts things out, refuses sex, then she receives the status ex-lover, and the man finds a more interesting option for himself.
Is a man going through a breakup? Do men forget their former lovers?
If the separation between two people occurred by mutual consent, then it can be painless for both the man and the woman. If such people remember the time spent together, it is with slight sadness and gratitude. If the breakup was painful and on the initiative of one of the parties, then the man or woman who lost intimacy will suffer and be tormented by emotions. If the woman who left was bright, unconventional and a Personality with a capital P, then it will be impossible for a man to forget such a woman.
How can a married man break up with his mistress?
If a man wants to leave a woman gracefully, and without causing her too much moral harm, he must think about what will fill the vacuum or emptiness that will form after his departure. The most banal, primitive, but working way to “go away unnoticed” is to introduce such a woman to a man who may be interested in a sexually anxious lady. If the vacuum is not filled, then the one who left his mistress to the mercy of fate is guaranteed to receive phone calls from his former mistress with requests to meet or “random meetings” on the street.
The best way leave your mistress - entice her with a new man Love triangles or polygons existed in the distant past, exist in the present and will exist in the future as long as humanity exists. And one can only analyze and state such facts, without trying to give wonderful recipes for solving this problem.
ABOUT life situations I didn’t think that I would have to turn to a psychologist for help myself. But this is apparently fate or a matter of chance. Lived in a single marriage with my wife for 25 years, there is adult daughter. I did not experience any particular happiness or satisfaction in my family life together. The candy bouquet period has passed, and in the bustle Everyday life somehow the spark of passion died out. For some reason I never believed in love at first sight, I thought that this simply did not happen. But as it turned out, love exists and she appeared in my heart and soul. It's been almost a year since I accidentally met another woman at a wedding of mutual friends. Passion and love flared up for both of them like gunpowder. My legitimate wife is still two years older than me (for me this has never seemed like some kind of usefulness or limitation) and a woman who is now the same age in my heart. A wonderful person, as they say, smart and beautiful, financially secure with a separate living area (a house with partial amenities) has an adult son from her first marriage (divorced for 18 years) in a civil marriage for four years with a man 10 years younger than her. I really want to live with her, she also wants this, but I have some kind of mental torment - will it work out? Still, age of habit, etc. Our sex life is at the highest level. Legitimate as a housewife, well done, as they say, sewn up and tidied up. But you can’t tell your heart. So it turns out that I LOVE one to madness and I regret the other or it’s a habit of the years we spent together. Moreover, my wife also turned my daughter against me (and I consider myself a bit of a giver) And that’s why I decided to write to you, please advise how to solve this puzzle !
Hello
Sorry for not answering for a long time, there are a lot of letters now.
You know, I probably won’t be able to tell you something definite and specific. What would help you make the choice that stands before you.
The choice between a wife and another woman, a mistress.
If we talk about the real side of things - no matter what choice you make, everything has its disadvantages and its advantages.
If you stay in the family, you will lose those feelings and relationships that you now have with the woman you love. In addition, most likely you will experience a feeling of missed opportunities and unconsciously be angry with your wife for this. But on the other hand, you will save your marriage and remain in a stable relationship in which you are confident and know what to expect from them. There may not be any special feelings there, but it’s calmer.
If you leave your wife for your mistress, you will get a “new breath” of life, a feeling of something new, an uplift. But at the same time you will feel guilty. And sooner or later you may start to get angry with your new woman for this.
This is such a difficult choice.
I think you need to think through all the pros and cons for yourself in great detail. possible options. And still choose something. At the same time, understanding that there is no right or wrong choice here. No best choice. In any case, you will lose something and gain something.
When the question is whether to leave your wife for your mistress or not
There's a third choice here: it's internal psychological work with the reasons that led to the appearance of a second woman in your life. What projections of yours do you see in this woman, which gives rise to your strong attraction to her? Sometimes such work allows you to greatly weaken your emotions - and then, as a rule, the choice is more obvious.
In addition, through understanding and “returning” one’s own projections that were previously “appropriated” to another person, significant personal growth occurs. A lot of energy and a feeling of life appears inside - but NOT thanks to another person.
But this whole process requires quite a long time.
Our columnist, psychologist and writer Tatyana Salvoni, instead of discussing the topic, simply described a real situation from life.
Photo: LightFieldStudios/iStock/Getty Images Plus
A girl I know is dating a married man. He is good-looking, witty, charismatic and wealthy enough to satisfy a girl's basic needs. But, as you know, the main basic need of a person is not material at all. I want not only carnal love and sweet words, but something more tangible, besides promises to definitely spend the night from Thursday to Friday together. He lies to his wife about a business trip and arrives with a real leather suitcase on wheels to go on a business trip for the whole evening, night and even part of the morning to the girl’s address. All this time he walks around her apartment with a towel on his hips, like Apollo, well, definitely Apollo. Passing by a large mirror in the hallway, he stops and flexes his muscles, pleased with himself. Everything suits him. He likes the way he has cleverly organized his life.
Once upon a time this was enough for her. She lived only from Friday until the following Thursday evening. The rest of the time I waited, anticipated, prepared. I bought new underwear. Perfume with pheromones. I prepared a seven-course dinner. She thought that all her efforts would not go unnoticed and that a man would one day get down on one knee, or just over a cup of tea, tell her the great news: “Darling, now we will always be together, I’m divorced, marry me...”
In her fantasies, she had already come up with a lot of options for him for his solemn speech. And each time, plunging into dreams, these speeches were more and more refined and beautiful. There were no speeches in life. There was a lot of humor in life, good sex, about the same compliments and... nothing! As if that's how it should be! As soon as she even tried to hint that she would now ask the question: “What’s next?”, her beloved seemed to have a presentiment of this and cleverly used some kind of distracting maneuver. Suddenly he asked when she would pay the rent and if she needed help. Of course I need it, oh thank you, you are the best!
Everything was obvious, but not obvious.
Do you love me even a little? - she asked.
Of course, dear! Are words really needed for this? You are the coolest! I just adore you! - he said. - And you me?
Do you need words for this? - she said sarcastically. He laughed and kissed back.
What do you think he thinks of me? - she interrogated best friend, who has seen them together more than once.
Honestly? - asked a friend. Then she squinted and shot straight into the heart: “He’s using you, living his second youth with you.” And he will never leave his family; everything suits him. Why change anything? Did he promise you anything?
Yes. We are planning to go to Bali together, I don’t know when yet.
Well, this is the maximum you can count on.
You don't see what I see! - the girl was very upset, offended by her friend and... went to a psychologist.
Photo: Wundervisuals/E+/Getty Images
The psychologist said that a mistress is a crutch for the relationship between husband and wife. That in fact he simply fulfills with her those deficits that his wife lacks, and thus he has no complaints against his wife, and everything is smooth and wonderful with them. And it turns out that she serves both him and his wife, and the safety of their marriage. That if it weren't for her, the marriage might have fallen apart. And so she is practically a sister of mercy, investing her energy and youth in someone else’s family, which only becomes stronger and more prosperous. Here's a new twist! The psychologist offered to figure out why the girl needs this, to support someone else’s family, where she got such a scenario from, what are the secondary benefits in her position as a secret mistress. But the comparison with a crutch was enough for the girl.
What a fool! - said the girl, leaving the psychologist after the session. I called a friend, just a friend, a former classmate and cried. And she began to complain to him about all the men, all the psychologists and all her girlfriends. A friend suggested meeting. He gave the girl a cappuccino, listened, listened, and then said:
You're just having an existential crisis.
Oh, thank you, I really feel better! - she said ironically. - It would be better if you said what men think about people as terrible as me. Who like married men and believe and hope that love will win. Well, this is really so naive of me, right?
According to statistics, in 95% of cases this is really very naive, said a friend. - But I don’t know what percentage your case is included in.
Here! - the girl was happy. - What if, suddenly our case is included in that very 5% when it is not naive. What if he gets divorced and we end up together?
Well... It seems to me that you should just talk to him frankly.
Eh... The girl sighed. She had already tried so many times just like this, carefully and frankly, and with him, and nothing worked. And fear scratched inside: what if he leaves after this. Suddenly the fairy tale will end. Maybe these are really just illusions. Or maybe it’s better to let it be as it is?
Yes, of course,” she said. - We need to talk to him. You are right. We’ll go to Bali with him and there I’ll choose the most suitable moment...
Our heroine never left for Bali. The man of her dreams fed her breakfast, saved her for the train, and one fine day dotted all the i’s.
I'm sorry dear, it was very good with you, but we can't meet anymore. My wife is already seven months pregnant and I have to devote all my time to my family. Sorry.
My friend has not been able to get over this difficult breakup for almost two years now. She tried to take revenge, sort things out, called her wife... But everything was in vain, the deceived woman in this story turned out to be her mistress.
How to determine if he has someone on his side? Mistresses know this best. We asked women who had relationships with married people. And this is what advice they gave to their wives.
SUDDEN IMPOTENCE
My boyfriend told me that his wife was boring him in bed. “The same thing, continuous fasting, no variety.” No matter how trite it sounds, mistresses are taken for bed pleasures. My Edik did this... I’m sure that when he returned home, he was no longer good for anything. He left everything with me. So if there is less sex in a relationship, in my opinion, this is a warning sign. No matter what you lie about, facts are stubborn things. I am surprised at my wife, who for a long time had no idea about anything, what did she do at night? Maybe they mutually lost interest in each other? This is my advice to wives. Alina, 26 years old
LOOK AT THE THINGS
I had two married lovers. The first is a creative person, he is bored with his wife and everyday life (she just gave birth). I was looking for love and admiration on the side, which was missing at home. All free time spent with me, including weekends and holidays. The wife was sitting at home with the child. He lied that he was with friends at another art party. She believed that she was some kind of fool not of this world, and he was an egoist. Well, what can I recommend? Do you think that if an artist, then he has only creativity and inspiration on his mind? I saw his inspiration - in bed. I recommend that wives take off their rose-colored glasses and not trust beautiful words. Look at things.
The second is a colleague. He disappeared all the time at work, only coming home to spend the night. He stayed with me at work until late, sometimes we went to his friends’ apartment. He sang to his wife that there was a lot of work and he had to earn money. For some reason, in both the first and second cases, the wives called their husbands very rarely. But in my opinion, if a man suddenly has a lot of work, or something urgent, or needs to stay late, it’s time to check, this leads to suspicion.
Try to give him a “surprise” - drive up suddenly, seemingly by accident, etc. God protects those who are careful (what I mean is that suddenly the husband really works hard). Svetlana, 32 years old
NEW WORDS
I have been on both sides of the barricades: both a mistress and a wife whose husband is “running away”. I had no idea that my husband had someone until my lover gave me the idea. I just started noticing that my new man catches words from my vocabulary (I’m a designer), and suddenly I saw the light about my husband: for the last few months he has often talked about law (his work is not related to this) and cooking. At first I thought that these were his new hobbies, but I checked just in case. Exactly! The mistress is a lawyer, consults for their company, and in addition is a big fan of homemade baking. And once I watched my lover walking down the street with his wife. So, he tried to walk half a length ahead of his wife, physically increasing the distance. And then I noticed the same thing with mine. Ella, 27 years old
WHY DOES IT FIND UP?
I had three married lovers, everything is very neat, as if chosen. All have preserved families. We carefully followed the signs - hair, smells, I generally tried not to wear perfume before the date (they asked). I never called them, no text messages. One of them always took me on business trips. The work legend was like this (it had to be covered up in case of surprises): “A work colleague, the coordinator of our urgent project, is coming (will be, is) with me.” We never punctured. He was very afraid that his wife would find out. When I talked to her on the phone, I ingratiated myself. In my opinion, if a man is ingratiating himself, it’s suspicious, we should look... Lucien, 30 years old
SEARCH AND YOU WILL FIND
Wives, shake the dust off your ears, don't trust your husbands! Everyone lies, but not everyone gets caught. If you recognize yourself not as a wife, but as a Woman, you will quickly understand what’s what. If you suspect something, but there are no facts, look for it. If you find a second SIM card, think about it. If he's late from work, it's time to wander around. He often goes on business trips - even more so. Turn out first aid kits and pockets for condoms, watch what kind of underwear you wear, whether you go to the bathroom before leaving and after... Go to e-mail, ICQ, read telephone transcripts, cell phones, and so on.
Does he shy away when you kiss him after work? Watch out! Hasn't slept with you for more than two weeks? It's time to take action. Why stand on ceremony with a traitor? Smell it, after all, what is your nose for? Don’t waste money on detectives; traces of treason will definitely be revealed. I say this as an experienced lover; it is impossible to hide fornication for a long time. If you still don't see it, I know for sure that you don't want to see it! It's not good for you to see this! Tamara, 50 years old
RUDE - MEANS HE DOESN'T LOVE
And my lover and I were lucky. His wife didn’t know how to use a computer at all, so we corresponded and made appointments by email. He wrote me such letters... I don’t understand why he didn’t want to leave his wife, he didn’t love her at all. He was so rude on the phone! If your husband is rude to you, you shouldn’t ignore it! I asked: doesn’t my wife guess? He says no, because I satisfy her perfectly at night (he was a real sexual giant). So she loses her vigilance, she thinks, I’m just a natural boor, I’m used to it... So if the husband regularly fulfills his marital duties, it doesn’t mean anything! There may be other symptoms. Anastasia, 28 years old
WHY IS YOU SO HAPPY?
I was the mistress of my friend's husband. Yes, that's such a bastard. But I honestly fell in love, and so did he. There were three children in their family, and we decided not to change anything. But my friend’s behavior still remains a mystery to me (she never found out anything). The fact is that we made a lot of mistakes with him. Well, for example: I loved white lilies, he often gave them to me. And feeling guilty, she feels the same way. So a friend once said to me: “Listen, I can’t understand what’s the matter. I can’t stand white lilies, Pashka seems to know this, but lately he’s been giving them all the time, and I don’t feel comfortable telling him to bring roses. And in general, he became so strange. He’s walking around happy, as if he’s won some prize...”
Here it is! Dear wives, if your chosen one suddenly begins to forget some important little things from your common past, do not ignore it. And if, moreover, out of the blue he fell into the mood of the bouquet and candy period of his life - even more so. Sonya, 36 years old
LOOKING FOR A REASON TO FIGHT
Mine usually just lied. When he was about to leave the house to go on a date with me, he began to find fault with his wife and look for a reason to quarrel, so that under the guise that he was “fed up,” he would leave. Usually, when asked by his wife where he was soaping himself, he answered: “To his mistress.” And the wife calmed down, well, she never believed it. Sometimes you get cunning husbands, and the more cunning, the more trusting their wives. And my white hair got caught in the car a couple of times, and the seat was pushed back, and he lied to blue eye, that he didn’t give anyone a lift, and she, they say, has glitches. And she believed it! Oksana, 32 years old
NEW TECHNIQUES IN BED
I had a very sexy man, so advanced in bed. I allowed him everything. I have some erotic habits, my own style. He once admitted to me that he started trying these habits with his wife. I was scared (I didn’t want to fight him off, I’m married myself): “So she’ll understand that you have someone!” And he quickly stopped. So if your husband suddenly suddenly changes his usual behavior in bed, you should pay attention to this. And one more thing: we had a strict schedule of meetings, three times a week, he taught his wife that he had business at that time. One day I couldn't meet him. But he still didn’t go home, he wandered around somewhere so as not to arouse his wife’s suspicions! Lina, 30 years old
These were tips for wives from mistresses. We hope you never need them.
