How to turn off a married man
Tell him how wonderful platonic love is and offer him exactly this inspiring type of relationship. Tell him that this is a wonderful spiritual practice that gives joy and mutual respect... After 5 minutes, the married man will disappear from your sight.
How to make a married man think about you psychology
The best way to make him think about you is to shower a man with your intimate photos. You can also kidnap him, tie him to a chair and tell him about yourself while he is immobilized. This way, the man will think about you 24 hours a day!
How to be best lover For married man
Take a notepad and write it down so you don’t lose it, or better yet, learn it by heart. To be the best lover you need to: always look great, smile and enjoy even 15-minute meetings. Never ask for anything, otherwise you will scare off the man, he may think that you need more from him than just sex. Don’t write or call him, married people don’t like it - you have to delete calls and SMS so as not to get burned. Don’t show him your bad mood, put your jealousy of your wife in a box, put your desires in there too. Your task is to do as well as possible what they come to you for. And they come to you to...
Why doesn't a married man call after sex?
I don't even know what to recommend. You don't think he's with you just for sex, do you? Married people are such busy people. Make a list of 100 excuses and hang it on your refrigerator so you can always see it.
How to save longer relationship with a married man
If a married man chose you as his mistress
So what's the question? We need to rejoice! You need to thank God that he sent you a married man “as a gift.” You need to run and jump for joy, because not everyone is so lucky to be a lover. It’s such an honor to be a secret woman, there is a special intrigue in this, not like with a single man, everything is predictable, if you wanted, you called, if you wanted, you met. Everything is different here. There are secrets, expectations, hopes, affairs, deception. Everything is like in soap series!
If a married man wants sex on the side and feeds his mistress with promises, what is it?
This is a married man. Did you think it would be different? Not every free man keeps her promises, I generally keep quiet about married people. If you wanted to be a mistress, get it and sign it.
What kind of sex should you have with a married man?
I can assume that sex with a married man should be about the same as with a non-married man...
The only thing is that married men often take a mistress for some sexual variety, which they cannot realize with their wife. So they came to my site for the request “a married lover set the condition for anal sex or not to date.” Are you ready for this turn? But what, for a married man you don’t mind anything, are you a mistress in vain? Just like in the joke:
Izya, I heard you married a Russian? - Yes... - Why? - You know, Jewish women often get sick... - And Russians don’t get sick? - They get sick, but you don’t feel sorry for them.
Karma of a married man's mistress
My favorite question. It turns out that someone is interested in what this will entail... Haven’t you realized yet that you’ve already fallen into karma? Try to get out of this relationship and you will understand that in order to break this relationship you need to tear off a piece of yourself. This is the karma that you voluntarily signed up for - strong attachment and expenditure of energy, youth and beauty on a married person. And at this time they could be the only and beloved woman of their man.
That's all for me. I ask you to take my advice with humor - it was irony, which exposes the truth. In my article, I strongly recommend not to get involved with married people and to break off the relationship if this does happen. I advise you to get out of the flawed role of a mistress, because every person on earth was born to be happy. A relationship with a married person is a waste of valuable time, energy and beauty. And most importantly, loss of faith that you deserve better!
P.S. Male gaze to a mistress. These are the words of a man!
“To be the mistress of a married man and hope to start a family with your lover/sponsor, that he will divorce his wife, abandon his children and go to her??? You have to be a complete idiot to think like that... in fairness, I note that there are SINGLE cases... everything else is either lust or sexual promiscuity or part of the image, and the concept of “a woman’s need for a family” has nothing to do with the concept of “mistress” “... the concept of “mistress” historically and a priori ELIMINATES the goal of creating a family... by the way, life shows that nothing good comes from this... YOU CANNOT BUILD HAPPINESS ON SOMEONE else’S MOUNTAIN...”
Diary of a Psychologist - Dayana Mir
The word “mistress” somehow did not immediately take root in the consciousness of Russian people; it is more likely to cause an immediate negative reaction than to give rise to pleasant associations.
And the mistress of a married man is something even more harsh and confusing. Why do men so often find the joy of lovemaking on the side?
Reasons for the appearance of a mistress
Probably every woman, one way or another, mentally addressed this issue. We wrote about it in another article, but now it’s time to consider the most pressing reasons for betrayal:
- Polygamy.It has been scientifically proven that many men have a passion for adoring several women at the same time; for a long time this feature of the human body was considered a fictitious excuse of the male representatives themselves.
- Poor sexual relationship with wife. Intimate relationships play a key role in a man’s life, because good sex solves many problems (and this is not only in the opinion of men).
- A cunning seducer.It seems that every girl has met this type of man for whom the process of charming women not only brings pleasure, but also increases self-esteem and increases the number of sophisticated ladies.
- Frequent family scandals with protracted reconciliation.For both husband and wife, any domestic quarrel is a psychological stress that you want to avoid.
- Spouse who doesn't take care of herself, without knowing it, she pushes her husband to compare her with others, beautiful, well-groomed women. It is unlikely that this process will have positive results for her. All men love with their eyes, even husbands.
- The appearance of a child.Oddly enough, men are capricious children, they absolutely do not tolerate competition, even the birth of a son or daughter, one way or another, can provoke betrayal.
- Age-related changes.Men experiencing an attack mature age, they are brave, try to resist the natural processes of aging and maintain their self-esteem by communicating with young guys and girls, of course.
Key turning points in a man’s life are highlighted here; their number is not limited to those mentioned above.
But what about women's reasons pushing for the status of a mistress?
I became a lover
It probably doesn’t make sense to single out the main reasons, since there are only a few of them and they are all quite simple.
The desired feeling of one’s need through the prism of love tenderness, victory over a rival - the wife and the absence or unwillingness of a stable relationship.
All this prompts a woman to think that being third in someone’s love is not so bad.
Mistresses... what are they?
It must be clarified that there is a huge difference between the stupid mistress of a married man and the wise one.
- The first is tormented by doubts about the morality of the current situation, longs for the man’s final break with his ununderstanding wife, and torments both herself and someone else’s husband with numerous reproaches and an overestimation of the powers of her power over him.
- And the latter understands that the relationship with her is temporary, and it makes no sense to demand the impossible from a man. She does not throw hysterics, does not accuse his wife of stupidity and generally does not indulge in insults to everyone around her; on the contrary, she is as polite as possible, impeccably beautiful and completely self-sufficient.
- A short-sighted mistress will become jealous of a man’s wife, withdraw into the shackles of fear of loneliness, cultivate a sense of guilt in her lover and talk about the absence of joint future plans for life.
- A smart mistress appreciates her position, pleases a man and gets real pleasure from it, does not compromise him, but, on the contrary, preserves the mystery of these unforgettable meetings.
In any case, only at first the female soul blossoms, the mistress feels incredible pride in herself, for the fact that, as it seems to her, she has won victory over legal wife men.
Sometimes she will still throw tantrums, even if only to herself, dispel personal love illusions and hope for the best.
Options for developing love lines
Any story has its logical conclusion, as we know. No exception intimacy men with their mistress. She can consider several storylines:
- Divorce between a man and his wife- the rarest and most ambiguous outcome, because the dissolution of one marriage does not at all mean the conclusion of another.
- Parting with a mistress.The reasons for the breakup can be different, from the limit of a man’s patience to the wife’s learning about the existence of a rival.
- Wedding with a mistressis a happy continuation of the first option, although it cannot always be called such, because a mistress is a man’s joy, and a husband is a wife’s joy.
- Long love trio, not destroyed by time or circumstances, may well be a fundamental element of a man’s harmonious life.
The completion of joyful meetings depends on the man: his degree of attachment to his family, duty and moral responsibility for it.
In any case, a mistress should not expect too much from a man, even the most ardent and tender during dating.
Someone else's wife is someone else's husband's mistress
Mutual understanding, passion and love foreplay between a man and his mistress can be different: mercilessly meager, and huge, and impulsive, and calm.
In the latter case, most likely, we can talk about a meeting of two people who do not belong to each other - a married man and a married woman.
What did they find in this comical situation and why, ignoring their families, did they dare to commit adultery? The married mistress of a married man is somewhat different from free woman who seduced him.
Why do men prefer married mistresses?
A married woman looks at many things more seriously than unmarried girl. Here are a few facts that confirm this:
- She, like him, does not need hysterical sobs, regrets and threats bordering on madness against the backdrop of boundless resentment. She will not demand gifts, increased attention and surprises.
- Calling the phone during “family” time and disturbing his relatives is also not in her interests. She doesn’t wait for someone else’s husband to divorce and leave for her - she doesn’t need two husbands. It's easier to part with her.
A married mistress for a married man is a pure diamond, because her calmness, need only for closeness and limited time can please him for a long time.
Is a mistress a fallen woman?
Social stereotypes undergo a lot of changes, adjustments, and sometimes have destructive force. In former times, mistresses were openly hated, despised and humiliated, considered to be witches.
Currently, personal labels have been removed and do not carry anything serious. Now the phrase: “I am the mistress of a married man” does not evoke such sharp negative emotions.
If a woman does not plan to get married or have children in the near future, then why does she need to protect herself from the passion of love?
Lover is the most real woman, anxiously awaiting the affection and tenderness of a man, open and smiling, despite personal adversities, mysterious and at the same time dear, close and, in her own way, loved by a married man.
Popular wisdom says that a woman should be a caring mother in the nursery, a friendly hostess in the kitchen and a passionate lover in the bedroom. And the first, and the second, and the third can be learned. But while we still agree to learn the basics of cooking or home economics, we categorically refuse to study sexual science. "Women's Passions" suggests throwing away all stereotypes and trying to become ideal lover for your man.
“You are not a woman! You are an exception!
Everyone who has been seduced wants to seduce himself.
Marlene Dietrich
First you need to answer the question: “What is she like, an ideal lover?” What attracts her? And why do many men believe that a bad mistress is a hundred times better than a good wife?
1. So, the ideal lover knows exactly what her partner wants . She knows how best to caress him and what to say. Of course, this knowledge does not fall on her “from the sky”; she achieves it through long conversations “about it”.
The mistress radiates desire, and therefore becomes an object of sexual attention for people of the opposite sex. She does not have sex “for company,” but with pleasure and joy. She is an uninhibited woman and boldly tries new positions and new places.
2. She is well-groomed, charming, brave. Enough smart , it’s not for nothing that history has brought to us the parable of Napoleon. Once he asked his adjutant to find him a lady for the night, who must be smart. “For mercy, sir, why does a woman need a lot of intelligence in bed?” - he was perplexed. “And who will I talk to during the breaks?” - Bonaparte replied.
Magnificent lovers were Cleopatra and Josephine, Lilya Brik and the Marquise de Pompadour. You can read their biographies at your leisure and try to imagine yourself in the place of one of these great women.
3. A mistress allows a man to feel like a real macho, and he, in turn, gives her the incomparable feeling of a seductress. Therefore, such connections, as a rule, are long-lasting - no one wants to break such a successful union.
4. A mistress differs from a wife in that she considers a man a holiday - while for his wife it has long become commonplace. With his mistress, a man finds himself again: he becomes the smartest, sexiest, passionate and generous.
Here's what Lilya Brik said about this: “We need to convince a man that he is wonderful or even brilliant, but that others do not understand this. And allow him what they don’t allow him at home. For example, smoke or travel wherever you want. They'll do the rest good shoes and silk linen." It was to her that men said: “You are not a woman, you are an exception.”
Do you want to be the “exception” for your man? Tired of routine sex? Then on to the next chapter!
From the dance of shaking knees to self-confidence
You can escape from a tiger, from an earthquake or a typhoon,
but not from the woman who decided to take possession of you. Jewish proverb
Much has been written about the art of seduction, which a mistress must master perfectly. Some advise you to dance a striptease, in others - to visit a sex shop, in others - to watch a porn film. You can try all this, but now we will focus on something else.
No matter how wonderful the idea is, striptease can turn into a dance of shaking knees, and watching pornography can turn into humiliating copying of poses (often backbreakingly acrobatic). This must be avoided at all costs. Your main assistant on the path to the ideal lover is self-love.
5. Need to love yourself unconditionally and selflessly, once and for all. Try going to the mirror and saying to the reflection: “I love you.” Does not work? Ashamed? It's okay, it will pass. After a week or two of hard training, this phrase will seem easy, and you will feel like a geisha: mysterious, inaccessible, “a thing in itself.”
6. Next step - love your body . Understand that model parameters“90-60-90” is not an end in itself in life, and an ideal figure will not bring happiness on its own. You need to love your breasts, your hips and your hair. Think about it: would you love your man if he was disgusted by his torso? I'm sure not. You need to learn how to treat your body from men - they are happy with what they have and do not have complexes about or without reason.
7. Yours eyes should glow , as if you are filled (and so it is!) with some kind of internal energy and strength. Those eyes are captivating. Imagine that there is a fire burning inside you, and don’t forget about it when you shop, walk, take a shower. Remember that the ideal lover radiates desire - so you try to “radiate” something.
These three simple steps will give you confidence and relaxation. After you have passed them, you can proceed directly to seduction.
"Thank you" for every night of love
Secrets of the ideal lover
When your husband finishes eating, do not let him go to bed before you.
You need to get there first in order to invite him.
He must understand that you are finally ready for him.
Leave only a small bandage on your hips, the most beautiful one,
and always wear pearls at your waist - they are needed for seduction.
And then, when everything happens, you can ask him for the moon:
he will go look for it for you!
Khadi
8. The ideal lover is not only well-versed in matters of sex, she also knows how to create a special atmosphere. In ancient treatises, attention was paid to everything: dinner, incense or aromatic oils, environment, clothing.
These details play a very important role. Creating an atmosphere means creating the mood for the entire evening . Try experimenting with lighting: a red lamp instead of a regular one can turn the evening into a volcano of passions.
Hang it in the bedroom and place it on the floor and large beds erotic photos (can be from your archive), and if there are none, then buy an erotic album. You can look at the "before" or "during" photos. Either way, they will fulfill their role and fuel your passion.
Meet your man in a negligee, but with some erotic detail : This could be a long string of beads around your neck or a rose in your hair. Before this, warn him with a call or SMS about a surprise of a sexual nature. This is especially necessary if your man is a big conservative.
9. Surprise a man an unusual dinner. If earlier you ate hastily and semi-finished products, now prepare full-fledged snacks and salads. Sparkling wine is welcome, but in reasonable quantities. Experiment with tequila - you can lick the salt from anywhere. The main thing is not to overdo it with alcohol.
10. If everything goes as it should, then your man will get turned on very quickly. Your task - stretch out the pleasure for a long time. During sex, take a break, rest, change positions. You can even talk, but not about household chores and especially not about world news, but about sensations and feelings. Finally, tell us where you should be stroked, touched, pinched and what you get pleasure from.
11. After the peak, gently hug your one and tell him “thank you” for this night of love.
12. After such an “outbreak,” even old relationships flare up with renewed vigor. However the ideal lover does not stop there - she experiments with a man . Of course, you won’t be able to do this every night (and you don’t need to, it will quickly become commonplace), but from time to time you need to pamper yourself and your loved one!
Yana YANOSHEWSKAYA
No one plans to get into a dependent relationship voluntarily. It’s unlikely that since childhood you wanted to become fixated on someone, abandon all your interests, suffer and wait for everything to change. But life works differently.
Love for a married man has always been shameful, condemned by society, and a taboo was placed on relationships with someone’s husband. That's how we were raised. If you fall in love with a married man, you are a homewrecker, a destroyer of the social unit. But it happened: you are a mistress.
Stop reproaching yourself, look at modern realities, which are not customary to discuss with colleagues over lunch, so as not to cause another portion of condemnation.
The vast majority of young families are formed according to the following scenario: they met at 20, got married six months or a year later, gave birth to a child at 22, and couldn’t cope with their marriage at 23. adult life and played enough. Feelings and love pass, but the family remains due to habit, fears and obligations. A man takes a mistress, his wife either endures it, losing herself in worries, or also starts a new relationship - on the side. This may take years.
Is a relationship with a married man doomed or is there a chance?
You fell in love with a married man. The main thing is to stop blaming yourself and giving up on further happy life. If a married man is in love with you, is there anyone to blame? Try to figure out why he appeared in your life. It is possible that its appearance was not accidental.
Ask yourself 4 questions
Why did I end up in this connection?
You know that being a mistress is bad, but every day you firmly connect yourself with a married man. What motivates you? Are you ready to “fight for it” and build a future together or do you want to live in the moment? Respond by looking at things unemotionally.
What do I get in this relationship, and what do I give to my partner?
You are free individuals who feel good together or the relationship is built on a dependency or passion unknown to both of you, perhaps there is material interest or other benefits.
Did I consciously choose this type of relationship?
Were you scared off by the presence of a future man's wife, or was it easier for you to associate yourself with a married man, so as not to be responsible for a serious relationship?
Can a relationship with a married man make me happy in the future?
How do you see the development of this relationship, do they have a future, or do you understand that when the passion subsides, it will be difficult for you to accept his life with two families?
People joke about dating a married man only in jokes. In fact, being a mistress means constantly having an internal struggle and thinking that the man you love has a wife, that the relationship is doomed from the start, and still going on secret dates with him, attacking your own self-esteem.
From a psychological point of view, women who choose a relationship with a married man over and over again have internal problems. At a minimum, because entering into a relationship with a married partner means recognizing your “second role”, being prepared to be hidden and asked not to write, not to call, not to wear perfume.
Depending on your relationship with a married man, you begin to justify him, look for solutions for him, believe that for your sake he will leave the family. But why does he need this if the only suffering party here is you, not him?
To be the mistress of a married man means to take on the role of a strong woman, not burdened with problems.
You can increase your self-esteem by realizing that you are better than others: “After all, he runs to me, and she sits at home and doesn’t know anything, which means I’m more worthy.”. But the paradox is that after every date a man hurries home to the one who is waiting at home. And when he leaves, the sense of self-worth instantly fades away. Are you really happy with this?
Do married men get divorced for their mistresses? Stop fooling yourself. Living someone else's life or being a detail in someone else's relationship means wasting your own time. Will a self-sufficient, self-respecting woman really agree to a supporting role, be ready to hide and not appear in those moments when her married partner is with his wife? Listen to yourself, what do you think?
Relationships with a married man: commentary from a psychologist
When you start dating a married man, at first you feel at ease, feel increased attention and please your self-esteem by the fact that he prefers you to his wife, he has fun with you and he is deceiving her, not you. But time passes, and it becomes more difficult for you to share him with his legal wife, from whom for some reason he still does not intend to leave.
Then falling in love risks developing into addiction, driven by jealousy, selfishness, the desire to achieve one’s own, the desire to prove that you better than wife. By becoming dependent on a relationship with a married man, you inevitably find yourself in a scenario of abandoning yourself, focusing all your interests only on your partner, and looking for meetings with him in any way.
When strengthening ties with a married man, the following appear:
- decreased self-esteem: all the energy goes into trying to meet, call, see each other, “fit” him into your space. You see yourself as a “backup option.”
- internal dissonance: oscillation between “love” and “hate”. Quarrels become more frequent because he leaves the family.
- intense jealousy. If a partner cheats on his wife, then who knows if he is cheating on you too?
- loss of interest in life, work, meeting with friends, internal destruction of personality.
- justifying yourself.
Even if you voluntarily entered into an affair with a married man, knowing that he will not leave the family, you gradually still begin to claim the No. 1 place in his life.
This is how female psychology works
First, you prove to yourself that everything suits you: “I don’t need a wedding, I just want to be near you and love you,” then you gently and unobtrusively voice what you want, and as a result, tears, depression and demands to leave your wife begin.
And if you manage to convince a man to leave his wife, will you be satisfied? Is there room for new suspicions ( “If he cheated on me, he will cheat on me too”), mistrust ( “Meeting secretly or wants to get back to ex-wife» ), past grievances ( “I was with her for so long and didn’t divorce her right away”)? So, out of desire for romantic love and a full-fledged family, you drive yourself into dependence on experiences, reducing relationships to “no”.
Of course, it happens differently. When you are in a relationship with a married man, devoting time to him, you are following your own choice. And, if you really want there to be a sequel, bother doing 2 things:
take off your rose-colored glasses.
“He’s ready to do anything for me,” he just can’t leave the family right now,” “He’s in a difficult situation, I’m ready to wait because we love each other”;
take time for yourself.
Your development, expansion of your sphere of interests, awareness of yourself as an individual, and not as an attachment to a partner. Don’t immerse yourself in his interests, don’t live his life, and especially don’t try to solve his problems.
Have you decided to take a married man away from your family?
Why doesn't a married man leave his family for his mistress? Because he created an ideal model of life: he saved his family, thereby protecting himself from the attacks of society and loss loved one, avoided material difficulties and at the same time leads a parallel life, where he receives care and warmth, fresh emotions and the realization of his own goals.
At the same time, he can experience emotions for his mistress many times stronger than for his wife. Driven by passion and love, he promises her (sometimes even sincerely) that love is enormous, “a little later” he will leave the family for her, and “those golden mountains in the distance are yours.”
What's happening in reality?
Most often - nothing. Everything is locked at the level of promises, relationships stall at this phase and, without developing (and relationships without development are doomed), they move into the phase of disappointed expectations and accusations and later end.
If you are determined to become a legal wife from a mistress and take your husband away from your current wife, you have a chance. But not in the case when you voluntarily agreed to a “supporting” role for years and suddenly decided to become the main one in his life. No matter how well he treats you, no matter how pleasant your meetings are, he is comfortable with you as a mistress, and he will not radically change his life for your sake. The psychology of a married man’s relationship with his mistress is based on his stability, and changes contradict it.
If you still dare to take a man away from your family
There are chances to take a married man away from the family, even if they are small. Men often have a mistress, family life which they have not been happy with for a long time. And love on the side is a way to get pleasant emotions without ending the relationship with your spouse, because dramatic changes too scary.
By acting carefully and slowly, you can influence a man, proving to him that living together with you will save him from existing problems, and will not add new ones.
Direct demands, quarrels and reminders of his promises will not lead to divorce, but they will show that relationships with you in the future will involve problems, scandals and nerves.
How to behave with a married man so that you have a future? The psychology of a relationship with him is not very different from the behavior with a free partner, if your plans are to build strong, trusting relationships.
Respect his decisions, give him the choice and the right to act as he sees fit, do not put pressure on him and do not impose your opinion - it is useless.
How to change from a mistress to a wife: a comment from a psychologist
Set a goal - not to impose yourself, but to make him want to be with you. Focus on yourself, not on him, his family or your relationship. We are talking about expanding personal space, about your own plans, about development in directions that do not concern your relationship. By doing something to “build up” your personality, working on the psychological restoration of a true attitude towards yourself, and cultivating healthy egoism, you will restore the balance between personal space and relationships. An internally free person is always more attractive than someone who focuses all his interests on one person, all the more limiting him and negatively influencing his life.
Don't judge his wife
Even if he speaks negatively about her. She is his choice. By showing that you value your partner's opinion, you influence the subconscious, he feels like a recognized leader, and this radically influences further decisions.
Just ask yourself whether you are ready to build further relationships according to such a scenario, to adapt and drown out even own feelings for him? It is possible to take a man away from the family. But are you really ready to compete with another girl and waste your energy on destroying your family? Psychologically, will it be easy for you to accept him and not allow the thought that he will find a mistress for himself while he is already your husband? Achieving a goal is a normal desire. But how correctly did you set this goal?
Pregnancy from a married man
Some girls do not want to look at the situation realistically, and having become heavily involved in a dependent relationship with a married man, they decide that the best way to win him over to their side and force him to leave the family is to get pregnant. Various tricks are used, including deception.
However, before considering latest ways to take a man away from the family, calm down, weigh everything that is really happening in your situation: his relationship with his family, with his children, with you, take a realistic look at your life together. You are his mistress, and it is unlikely that his mistress’s pregnancy will be a significant reason for leaving the family (especially if he already has children).
Pregnancy from a married man in most cases will only bring problems. Moreover, both for you and for him.
What do you want to prove to yourself, him or his wife by getting pregnant? How will your self-esteem grow if you are ready to take such drastic measures? Think about a child who will initially be a partner's attachment tool. And about his children, whom you think he will leave.
If the pregnancy is unplanned
He promised mountains of gold, you lived happily for a year or two or three and were happy with the meetings, sometimes he said that he would definitely leave the family for you, but there was no right time. When he heard the news about your pregnancy, he said that he loved you as before, and... gave money for an abortion. How to cope with a situation when a pregnancy from a married man turns into abortion?
You don’t want this, you consider the child the fruit of your happiness, and you cannot believe that he acted so treacherously. You try to analyze and come to the conclusion that “yes, now is really not the time, besides, he loves me and speaks about it directly.”
Understand that it is up to you to decide about the fate of the child. When you started dating, were you happy with everything? Start from this. He will not leave his wife, will not become your legal husband, and, in best case scenario, will support you financially. Are you ready for such a life? Do you agree to raise a child in a single-parent family?
Just stop flattering yourself with the hope that with the advent of a child everything will change. It will change, yes, but it won’t make it easier, that’s for sure. After all, many women raise children without men.
If you value a child, then you should only be glad that it is from the man you love, even if this love differs from its standard understanding.
Don't make the mistake of thinking that your child is more important to a man than his existing children. Don't think that once you give birth, you can manipulate him. The good thing about a married man’s mistress is that it’s easy to take a break from family problems, get distracted and then return home. If she creates difficulties (and a pregnant mistress is a big difficulty for a married man), then the very meaning of a relationship with her is lost.
Do you want this child?
Are you ready to give birth to him for yourself, without associating the birth with your married partner? If yes, have no doubt, you will hold out, survive this difficult period of torment and draw conclusions. It is possible that your priorities, goals, and, possibly, your man will change.
Should a married man give birth: a comment from a psychologist
It is important to clearly understand that a child is not a way to tie a man to you, that his decent fatherhood in a legitimate family does not mean that he will treat your child with the same reverence. Whether to give birth to a married man is only your choice; here you cannot hide behind your partner’s excuses and the thirst for mythical happiness. Giving birth to a man while remaining his mistress is a psychologically difficult task. If you perceived your partner as a patron, afraid of your own responsibility, then now you will have to grow up and be responsible not only for your life, but also for the life of another person.
Don't paint a picture in your head where it's just you, him and your child. When you realize that there is another family in this picture of the world, you can accept correct solution and avoid emotional breakdowns, depression and neuroses.
How to end a relationship with a married lover
If:
- It is psychologically difficult for you to continue a relationship with a person who does not plan to leave the family, despite all the assurances.
- Or you finally realized that your relationship with a man ended emotionally a long time ago, but for some reason you are holding on to it.
- You don’t have the strength to break off a dependent relationship; you are ready to be content with the illusion that you are loved, just so as not to be left alone.
- You understand that the relationship is futile, but you become more and more attached to your partner, clinging to rare moments when everything is fine.
The time has come to part!
The main problem of girls who decide to end their relationship with a man is that they want to prove something by leaving: “Let him feel that he cannot live without me”, “I’ll leave, he’ll come to his senses and bring me back,” “He’ll understand that it’s better to be with me, and he’ll leave the family.”. Understand that your care should not be directed at your partner, but at you. If you made a conscious, informed decision to leave, then you did it because the current course of things no longer suits you. By returning your partner after a breakup, you will only prolong this nervous period.
Understanding what you get and what you lose in a relationship will make it easier for you to make a decision. “They give me emotions, love and care” is not the answer you should give yourself, it will only keep you stuck in a dependent relationship.
Time to question yourself
The feeling that someone needs you is not a reason to continue the relationship. Evaluate all the disadvantages without making excuses or trying to prove to yourself that you are satisfied with everything.
- Are you okay with being hidden?
- Are you happy that your future is vague or completely unrealistic?
- That you will never go on vacation together or plan a weekend together without taking a third person into account?
- What is your beloved man? serious relationship with another woman, even if he says he doesn’t love her?
He - married man, his well-established life consists of frameworks and rules, and he will not change it, even if it does not completely satisfy him. It’s easier for him to have a new mistress without any complaints.
If you decide to break up with the man you love, it means you are tired of justifying yourself and him without receiving anything in return.
Be a lover family man- the path to a dead end. Continuing a painful relationship is also a dead end. It may be longer or shorter, but it will not lead you to a happy future. Eventually, you will come to the questions: “Why did you need all this?” and “How to live further?”
It is difficult to stop loving a married man because you are accustomed to an emotional, mysterious dependence on him. But dig deeper. Remember your feelings when after meetings he went to his family or when his wife called him. Did you feel better than her at that moment? If he didn't value her, would he hide you? By recognizing the actual emotions that you received in the relationship, you can set yourself up to stop depending on a married man.
Understand also that the connection with him may drag on for years, but there will be no development. You will get used to the role of a mistress, you will take it for granted, but is this how you want to see your life? He will not leave the family for you, realize this. And even if you decide to accept it this way, how ready will you be for such a model of life? Look at it from all sides: from yours, from his, from friends and parents, from colleagues. Ready?
Match promises and reality
Healthy relationships are built according to the scheme: “personal interests of the first partner + personal interests of the second partner + common interests of the couple.” What common interests will arise over time, what goals will unite you if your main goal is to hide the relationship and be together in secret?
It is difficult to leave a relationship with a married man, just like any other dependent relationship, primarily because of your own fears and doubts. You make an attempt to leave, but fall into a series of worries, looking for ways to ease your morale, but it seems to you that only he, the culprit of your problems, will help. And everything begins in a new way, with a heap of old grievances and misunderstandings and a new round of problems.
Open your eyes
Compare your dreams and hopes with reality. You want to be with the man you love, receive care from him, you want the development of a relationship and, later, a family. The partner promises that it will be so, that living together with his wife is a temporary obstacle, he has not loved her for a long time and sexual contact I haven't been with her for a long time. You wait and believe because you rightly believe that relationships cannot be built without trust.
Now look at reality. Are you getting, albeit gradually, what you are striving for? He strives for yours life together? If you are wondering how to break up with a married man, apparently, reality and dreams still differ.
How to break up with a married man: commentary from a psychologist
Remember: no conflicts, external factors, other people will not pull you out of a protracted relationship. Only an inner attitude and working on your own goals and understanding their feasibility will help you get out of an addictive relationship with a married partner. Perhaps you are driven by fears or do not want to take responsibility, but only internal changes can improve your life.
Break up your breakup with a married man into 3 stages:
Talk
A maximally honest conversation with direct questions about the future of your relationship will eliminate illusions. Set deadlines and specific actions. The goal is not to hear once again that everything will work out, but to determine your personal attitude to what was said and what is actually happening. If you see an opportunity to continue the relationship “in a new capacity,” take this chance, but determine why you are continuing and what exactly you want to achieve, in what timeframe you need to achieve it. If there is no opportunity, and all that remains is the promise of mountains of gold, break up.
Understanding.
Relate what you hear to your vision of the future. Imagine yourself in this relationship 5 years later. You’re not getting any younger, you can’t turn back time, but you don’t want to let it go. If you understand that you will break up anyway, why are you delaying this moment for the rare calm of “now”? Remember past relationships, problems: you painfully let go of most of them at one time, and today it’s easy for you to remember them. Why do you consciously go into suffering and carry the burden of current hopeless relationship to the future?
Shifting focus from relationships to yourself.
If it’s hard for you to give up your partner overnight, use “switching” techniques. Continue communication with your married partner without directing efforts to get rid of the role of mistress. But gradually look for new activities, interests, set personal goals outside of relationships, even if they are to the detriment of them. Especially if they cause damage! By complementing your personality, you inevitably leave the space of dependence on relationships and become not part of them, not part of your partner, but an independent person.
At this stage, it is important to accept your feelings (love, selfishness, painful addiction - it doesn’t matter), but consciously begin to focus not on them (or how to get rid of them), but on something from a completely different plane. Over time, the psychological tension arising from constant twisting of the situation in the head will weaken.
Be honest with yourself and your partner. Your task is not to prove to him your strength, independence or superiority, but to achieve your own peace of mind. When you are ready, talk to him, tell him that you are ending this relationship not in a fit of emotion, not because he is guilty of something. The reason is the lack of a future together and your justified desire for stable happiness. Ask not to keep you because you want to build a full-fledged family in the future and think that you deserve it.
“I understand everything, but...”
If you (consciously or not) became the mistress of a married man, start by asking yourself why this happened. And then decide what you want to achieve. If you feel that you need help, talk to a psychologist: working together with him will help you better understand the situation and find a comfortable way to resolve it.
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Answers to questions about love triangle for men and women.
The feeling of falling in love and the instinct to preserve the family push men and women to create family unions. Sometimes people feel their loneliness so acutely that they are willing to sacrifice a lot to find their soulmate. But having found their favorite women and married them, men change their attitude towards them. After the marriage stamp appears in the passport, women are transformed from objects of worship into housekeepers, dishwashers, cooks and childcare workers. Often, communication and contact with your husband are completely absent from the list of these things. Therefore, having found the perfect wife, men begin to look for the ideal lover.
What does an ideal wife look like in a man's eyes?
- She can cook great
- She endlessly puts things in order in the family nest
- She takes good care of the children
- She gets along with her mother-in-law and other in-laws
What does an ideal lover look like in a man's eyes?
- She is beautiful and knows how to take care of herself
- She never has a headache and is always ready for active sex
- She doesn't walk around the house in a dirty robe and slippers.
- She doesn't bother you with problems family budget and children's bad grades at school
Can a woman combine the ideal wife and the ideal lover? Practice shows that this task turns out to be impossible for women because, playing the role of a voluntary slave of a stove and a doormat, it turns out to be difficult for women to turn into a sex goddess.
The number of divorces due to infidelity can be reduced by doing housework together But, if she can shift at least part of the “light housework” onto her husband’s shoulders, she will have the time and desire to do new hairstyles, facial and body skin care, and new outfits. Since it turns out to be easier and much more interesting for a man to find a woman on the side rather than relieve his wife of household work, this task remains impossible for a woman.
Why does a married man need a mistress, what does a mistress mean to him, what does he expect from her?
The main reason why men have an affair is dissatisfaction. sex life with my wife. It can be difficult for husbands to understand that they should not expect from a woman who spins like a squirrel in a wheel of initiative and the embodiment of a man’s desires. If a woman not only works at home, but also goes to work, then when she returns home after a hard day, picking up her children from kindergarten or school, having washed the dishes and fed the family dinner, she dreams not of sex, but of sleep.
A man, even if he went to work, but freed from household work, is full of energy and sexual desires. Many women may be surprised, but the vast majority of men, especially under 30, want sex every day or every other day. If such a schedule does not coincide with the schedule of his wife’s desires, he will look for satisfaction on the side.
As a result, by relieving a man of household work and burdening themselves, women themselves create the preconditions for their husband’s infidelity
Also, the reason that forces a man to look for a mistress may not be the quantity, but the quality of sex. Many married couples are embarrassed or afraid to discuss these topics with each other. And it’s difficult for them not only to express wishes about what they would like to get from sex, but it’s also difficult for them to talk about what they don’t like about sexual intimacy.
What does a married man expect from his mistress?
When deciding to cheat, a man expects his mistress to satisfy his sexual needs. But having an affair involves not only sex, but also communication. If there are scandals and showdowns in the family, and the mistress knows how to listen and understand the man, then an affair on the side can lead to a divorce from his wife. Many single women, entering into a love affair with a married man, seek to divorce such a man from his wife. And to achieve this goal, they skillfully use the contrast that a man sees between his mistress and his wife.
Psychology of relationships between a married man and his mistress
As a rule, a married man, when dating his mistress, does not seek a divorce and marriage to another woman. He is quite happy with a love triangle, where in the family circle he receives care from his wife, contact with his children, and from his mistress, complete satisfaction of his sexual needs. Such a double life can cause him minor remorse and a feeling of guilt towards his wife. Unfortunately, these negative emotions do not in any way affect his intentions to leave this situation unchanged.
A woman who acts as a mistress cannot help but feel the inferiority of her position and will strive in every possible way to change it. If the mistress insists on a divorce, and the man opposes this, the idyll between her and the married man may be disrupted. This may cause a rift between them.
Can a married man love both his wife and his mistress: signs
Men and women have different meanings for the word “love”. So for a woman, love can be synonymous with fidelity, devotion, a feeling of inspiration and the desire to take care of a man. And for a man, “love” can mean a willingness to have sex with a woman. Can a man be willing to have sex with more than one woman? It definitely can and even strives for this. This does not mean that every man should be suspected of adultery, with or without reason. The presumption of innocence or failure to prove a crime applies not only to hardened criminals, but also to husbands.
Can a married man be jealous of his mistress?
Jealousy or a sense of possessiveness is inherent in the relationship between a married man and his mistress. Despite the fact that in his mistress’s life he only “comes for an hour,” she may be jealous of his wife. In addition, she cannot help but understand that she is not the only one to whom such a man could turn his attention. A man is capable of being jealous of his mistress towards other men and feeling like the sultan of a harem, where every concubine is his property.
Why do married men have young mistresses?
Often, middle-aged men take on young lovers in order to increase their self-esteem and increase potency if there is a tendency for it to fade. This happens because it is young women who have the strongest sexual attractiveness. They attract the attention of men, as females are capable of procreation. Here, pheromones play a role, which a young woman smells during the period of fertilization.
Can a mistress be older than a man?
Yes, young, sexually inexperienced men strive to have experienced lovers older than them. If an older woman, in addition to successful sex, offers young man delicious lunches, the ability to listen without getting irritated and give wise advice- such an alliance can be very successful.
How many mistresses can a married man have?
If a man is in excellent sexual shape and wants sex every day, then the number of his mistresses can be equal to the number of times he has sex. This is a slight exaggeration of the truth, which is that for a man who has allowed himself one mistress, it is not difficult to have as many of them as his body can withstand.
Does a man leave his family for his mistress: how often, in what cases?
In the vast majority of cases, a man does not leave his family for his mistress. Because he understands perfectly well that he is already in an excellent position. Often the initiator of a breakup is the wife who finds out about her husband’s infidelity. In this case, the man may go to his mistress against his will. He can also leave the family if his marriage is falling apart at the seams due to mutual misunderstanding between him and his wife.
If his mistress offers him attentive care and understanding instead of scandals in his family, he may buy into such tricks and leave his wife. If a man marries his new passion and instead of the status of “mistress,” she receives the status of “wife,” he risks repeating the failures of his first marriage, but in a more severe version, and his new wife risks getting the role of a wife waiting for her husband after going to see a new, more interesting woman.
What kind of mistresses do men go to?
In order to win in a love triangle, the mistress must be many times better than the wife. Often a woman tries so hard to get closer to a man’s ideal and win that she really becomes a beauty, a smart girl and a sex goddess. The only thing a man should remember when leaving for such a woman is that she works for such an image to the limit of her capabilities and will stop straining immediately after she becomes a wife.
In what cases do married men leave their mistresses?
Mistresses are not abandoned if they fulfill the functions assigned to them. But if a woman who is in the role of a mistress begins to take over the functions of a wife, that is, she makes scandals, sorts things out, refuses sex, then she receives the status ex-lover, and the man finds a more interesting option for himself.
Is a man going through a breakup? Do men forget their former lovers?
If the separation between two people occurred by mutual consent, then it can be painless for both the man and the woman. If such people remember the time spent together, it is with slight sadness and gratitude. If the breakup was painful and on the initiative of one of the parties, then the man or woman who lost intimacy will suffer and be tormented by emotions. If the woman who left was bright, unconventional and a Personality with a capital P, then it will be impossible for a man to forget such a woman.
How can a married man break up with his mistress?
If a man wants to leave a woman gracefully, and without causing her too much moral harm, he must think about what will fill the vacuum or emptiness that will form after his departure. The most banal, primitive, but working way to “go away unnoticed” is to introduce such a woman to a man who may be interested in a sexually anxious lady. If the vacuum is not filled, then the one who left his mistress to the mercy of fate is guaranteed to receive phone calls from his former mistress with requests to meet or “random meetings” on the street.
The best way leave your mistress - entice her with a new man Love triangles or polygons existed in the distant past, exist in the present and will exist in the future as long as humanity exists. And one can only analyze and state such facts, without trying to give wonderful recipes for solving this problem.
