Being the mistress of a married man is psychology. What to do when a married man loves his mistress? Why do married men have mistresses?

How can a woman understand that her husband has a mistress?

Every person dreams of having a happy and strong marriage. But over time, passion fades, feelings cool down, and romantic relationships change to everyday worries. But what should you do if your spouse has a midlife crisis?

After all, as a rule, at this age men have a girl on their side and not everyone is able to resist something new, bright and colorful sensations. Let's figure out together why men have mistresses and how to continue to live with it.

Signs that a married man has a mistress

Many wives are concerned about the question “Does their spouse have a mistress on the side?” Statistics show that in 8 cases out of 10, husbands cheat on their significant other. And there is no way to avoid this.

A woman only has to use these options:

• close your eyes to this
• get a divorce
• save your own family and strengthen your marriage

Whether it is worth forgiving the betrayal of a spouse is something the woman herself must decide. However, before you clearly change anything, you need to decide whether to know the truth or continue to live peacefully, not create scandals and leave everything as it was before.

If you are also interested in this issue, then you first need to conduct a little research. Watch your husband, try to follow his conversation. Also use our following tips, how to recognize that your husband has a mistress:

• Wallet. First, check his wallet in secret from your husband. Perhaps in it you will find a condom that your husband saved for the future, a note or a receipt from a restaurant or store in which the purchase of wine is listed. Each of these pieces of evidence will help you expose your spouse.
• Mobile phone. In the event that the spouse goes into the next room with each call, constantly puts the mobile handset on silent mode, holds mobile phone only near you, then you should check his phone numbers, messages or photos. As a rule, men record their mistresses under a completely different name, for example, “Vasya office.” You need to take note of such names. Perhaps this will be a girl with whom your spouse is hanging out on the side.

• Underwear. If your spouse long time chooses for himself underwear, tries to wear something sexy and beautiful, then you should do one experiment - give your husband torn socks. If he doesn't want to put them on, then there's something wrong here. Most likely, your husband is cheating on you and plans to take off his shoes outside the home.
• Alcohol. Have you noticed that your spouse often returns from work a little drunk, even though he has never drank alcohol before? As a rule, men try to mask the foreign smell of a woman in this way.

• Perfume. Arriving home, they immediately lock themselves in the bathroom and spray eau de toilette, thereby hiding the smell of his mistress’s perfume. Believe me, this indicates that your husband has someone on his side.
• Cloth. Try to periodically monitor your spouse’s clothes: whether he came home after work wearing his underpants or socks inside out, whether the fly on his trousers is unbuttoned, whether his belt is fastened correctly. Or maybe there is a lipstick mark on his shirt.

• Social network. Keep track of who your husband communicates with on the Internet, you can even install spy software that will become your faithful assistant.

Why married men have mistresses at work: reasons, psychology of a married man

Often it is men who cheat on their own spouses. Knowing this, the woman tries to find out for what reasons married guys and men decide to cheat.

There are several reasons given in psychology Why do spouses decide to have a mistress?

• As a rule, men's desires in this regard differ significantly from women's desires. After all, for them intimate relationships are considered an important process. But for women and girls, sex is not so important. It may even be at the bottom of the priority list.
• In addition, constant fatigue from household chores also does not always cause women sexual attraction. In this regard, the mistress is considered a competitor for the wife and a very serious one. Dissatisfaction with sex and being busy can lead to the husband finding joy at work.

• Psychological dissatisfaction. An important component of every marriage is psychological comfort in marriage. If a husband and wife constantly quarrel and do not always find a common language, then the spouse can find a calmer environment, for example, on the side.
• Bad habits. Cheating that occurs while drunk is a common occurrence. But such betrayals are mostly accidental and cannot happen at all if the man does not drink alcohol.
• The influence of surrounding people. In many men's companies It is customary for someone to have a mistress. This raises a man's respect and rating in the eyes of his friends.

• Age crisis-This important reason, because of which the husband starts an affair on the side. There comes a time in every man's life when he doubts his own capabilities and appearance. In this regard, a mistress is considered a “simulator” that helps restore the previous balance.

Why does a man need a mistress if he loves his wife?

Men cannot always be understood. They are always missing something. Sometimes a spouse takes a mistress despite the fact that he loves his other half. Why?

• Wants to rest. The wife is a hostess and smart. But he is drawn to take a walk on the side. Why? The fact is that a man is not able to show weakness to his wife at home, or to lay his own problems on his wife’s shoulders. But he needs relaxation. That is why he is trying to relax on the side.
• Looking for an ideal. Many men get tired of everyday problems, and they stop idealizing their spouse. After all, from the very beginning she was the best for them. Over time, for her husband, she becomes an ordinary person who is full of shortcomings. This pushes men to search for the ideal woman on the side.

But you need to remember one more thing - only at first does a mistress appear in front of a man in beautiful outfits and with a handsome appearance. This may also disappear, since the mistress is also a woman.

She also has an old robe at home, hidden in the closet. She also sometimes changes her mood, which at first she tries in every possible way to hide.

A man begins to see such shortcomings over time. But this doesn't always stop him. He simply finds another passion for himself.

What kind of women do married men choose as their mistresses?

For men, a woman should be the most ideal. Therefore, they prefer a mistress of this type:

• The mistress must be beautiful and well-groomed.
• A mistress's head should not turn white, therefore it should always be ready for intimacy.
• A mistress should not walk around the apartment in an old robe and slippers.
• A mistress should not burden a man with her own problems that relate to children and the family budget.

What does a mistress mean to a married man, what does he expect from her?

The main reason why a man starts relationships on the side is dissatisfaction with sex. Sometimes it becomes very difficult for a husband to understand what to expect from his wife, who spins like a squirrel in a wheel of worries. If a woman has another job in addition to housework, then when she comes home, cooks dinner, feeds everyone in the household and washes the dishes, she doesn’t think about intimacy at all, but dreams of relaxation.

But a man, even after a hard day at work, is full of strength and energy, therefore, he wants intimacy. That is why he expects such pleasures from his mistress.

But such a connection also presupposes communication. If scandals and quarrels await the husband at home, then the mistress listens to the man and understands him. This also suits the man.

Can a married man love and be jealous of both his wife and his mistress: signs

The concept of “love” has different meanings for men and women. For women, love is fidelity, devotion, inspiration and care for a loved one.

For men, love comes first sexual relations. Can a husband have sex with both his mistress and his wife? Of course.

Sometimes he even actively strives for this. This may not always mean that every representative of the stronger half cheats, whether for a reason or without a reason.

As for jealousy, every man does not like it when another man claims his property. After all, a sense of ownership and jealousy is inherent in every man. They love to feel like a “sultan” in a harem, in which both the wife and the mistress are concubines.

Why do wealthy men have young mistresses?

Very often, older men have young lovers. They do this in order to increase their own self-esteem and potency, which, as a rule, tends to fade at this age. And all because, in their opinion, young girls are especially sexy and attractive.

They can attract the attention of every man and contribute to procreation. Hormones called “pheromones” play a major role here. Young girls especially smell of them during and after sexual contact.

Why does a man take an older lover?

Young men very often have mistresses who are much older than them. Why? Because they think they are women are more sexually experienced and wise.

In addition, such women try to feed their young lovers delicious food, tend to listen carefully, never get irritated and give good advice. In general, such unions are considered quite successful.

Married man and married mistress: relationships

The love affair between a woman and a man can be very different. Some try to find the joy of life on the side, while others increase their own self-esteem.

And there are those who fall in love with a woman on the side. Moreover, in some cases, men can even divorce their spouses.

But why do some men try to have a married mistress on the side? What attracts them to such relationships?

• In this case, both the man and the woman meet only for the sake of intimacy.
• They do not need courtship and lengthy conversations.
• They both feel quite calm. There are no unnecessary hysterics, scandals and misunderstandings.
• Partners do not try to destroy each other's family idyll.
• Couples do not give each other expensive gifts.
• Such relationships end easily.
• And most importantly, the relationship between a married man and a married woman is a risk, accompanied by a rush of adrenaline and a lot of positive feelings that cannot always be found in everyday life.

How many mistresses can a married man have?

A man, being a family man, feels great, he has perfect health, he looks 100% and he constantly wants sex, then the number of lovers he has can be equal to the number of intimate relationships. After all, a man can afford to find as many women as his body can withstand and his potency allows.

A married man loves his mistress: signs

You can understand very simply that a husband has fallen in love with his mistress if you follow his behavior, gestures, words and actions. A married man, of course, will take care of himself, since only a bachelor has no barriers to showing attention.

The following signs will help you guess that a man has fallen in love with his mistress:

• He will not be able to resist touching the one he loves. Even if it happens completely by accident.
• If a man falls in love with a woman who works in the same office as him, he will constantly offer her his own help, for example, he will give her a ride home.
• He will be interested in everything that concerns his mistress: what she eats, what flowers she likes, where she likes to spend her free time, and so on.
• He will shower her with expensive gifts.

Do married men leave their families for their mistress: in what cases, how often?

Basically, men do not leave their wives and go to their mistresses. After all, they understand that they arrive in a wonderful position.

Often it is the wives who break off relations with the traitor. After which the man has no choice but to move on to live with someone else. Men also leave their wives if their marriages begin to “burst at the seams,” as husband and wife no longer understand each other.

Why doesn't a married man let his mistress go?

Such an attitude is inherent in an owner and an egoist who, for the sake of his own convenience, is not interested in the feelings of his mistress. This attitude can arise immediately or develop over several years.

This is also a sign that the man may have developed deeper feelings for his lover. But he is held back by the fact that he has a family, children, and a shared life.

Many people are interested in why a married man doesn’t want to let his mistress go if everything is going smoothly in his family? Yes, everything is very simple.

He is simply comfortable - warmth and comfort awaits him at home every day, plus the attention of his wife. And with his mistress, bright emotions, strong passion and new sensations await him.

The role of a permanent mistress in the life of a married man

Why do many men love to have a permanent mistress and do not want to part with her? What role is assigned to the mistress?

• A man's mistress becomes an ideal woman. She gives him affection and passion that a wife cannot always give. Her head is not filled with family problems, and therefore she is always glad to see her man, even a married one.
• A man next to his constant mistress feels like a real macho. For him, such a position is considered prestigious, which will also raise his self-esteem.

• A permanent lover does not require gifts and flowers to win. Over time, she begins to be satisfied with what already exists.
• A constant lover can maintain love and warmth in a man, and also evoke passion and incredible sensations in him.
• A permanent lover does not require commitment.

If a married man wants a child from his mistress: what does this mean?

There are several reasons why men want to have a child with their mistress. They are divided into deliberate and rash. But this does not mean that he wants to spend the rest of his life with his chosen one on the side.

So, let's list the most common reasons: why a man wants his mistress to give birth to a child:

• A man wants to have a child with his mistress if he loves her very much.
• If he does not have a child together with his wife.
• If he and his wife have children, but they are already adults.
• He just wants to “show off” his own mistress so that she does not put pressure on him with marriage and divorce from his wife.
• He wants to tie his mistress to himself at the expense of the unborn child.

In what cases do married men leave their mistresses?

A man who is already married will never leave his mistress if he copes with his responsibilities. However, if the mistress begins to feel like a spouse, that is, he takes on similar qualities: he creates scandals, sorts out relationships, does not always enter into intimate intimacy with a man, then she becomes the “former” lover. And the man himself finds a more interesting candidate for this role.

How can a married man break up with his mistress?

If a man wants to break up with his mistress, do it beautifully and not cause her much moral harm, he needs to think in advance about how to fill the void and vacuum that has created in the future.

The most common, primitive method of breaking up with a mistress is to meet a friend or acquaintance who can fully satisfy the woman’s needs, both moral and physical. If the void is not filled, then the abandoned lover will pester her former lover: she will start calling him constantly, asking him to meet, looking for random meetings in any convenient place and under any circumstances.

How does a man cope with parting with his mistress? Does he forget them?

When a man broke up with his mistress normally, that is, they both wanted it, then the man will not worry much about this. He will rarely remember the time spent together.

When a man is sensitive to the breakup, then he will suffer and be very worried. And if ex-lover was also a passionate and bright personality, then he will remember such a representative for a long time and, perhaps, will never forget.

What is the fate of the mistress of a married man?

What fate can await a mistress if she decides to throw in her lot with a married man? There is very little good here:

• The mistress will have to come to terms with the fact that her man will spend most of his time with his family. That is, on holidays he will be with his family, and on weekends he will devote only to his wife and children.
• Over time, the mistress will become attached and get used to the man. This may lower her self-esteem, and she will begin to understand that she will never be the one for him.

• Married men rarely decide to divorce for the sake of their mistress. Most likely, she will not have a life together with her beloved in the future.
• A married man, as a rule, feels his own obligations to his wife and children. Consequently, the mistress will be forced to adapt to her man and his daily schedule.

Stories of mistresses of married men

Olga, 31 years old:
“About five years ago I had an affair with a married man. I was 23 then, he was 34. Of course, he had a strong marriage and children. I kept hoping that he would leave the family and live with me. But this did not happen in a year or two years. Three years later we broke up, or rather I was the initiator. The role of a mistress is the most terrible role. I don’t recommend this kind of relationship to anyone.”

Ksenia, 22 years old:
“I was 20 years old. I was in my second year at university and had just gotten a job. There I met a man who turned out to be much older than me and also married. But I found out about this after a year of our relationship. He hid it so carefully that I couldn’t even think about the fact that he had a family. As soon as I found out about this, I left him. Of course I was in pain. I dreamed that we would have our own home and children. It's a pity that it turned out to be just a fairy tale. I regret that I got involved with a married man. You cannot build your happiness on the misfortune of others.”

Video: Being the mistress of a married man

Some ladies, on the contrary, manage to experience passion and feelings only with a man who has a family. Let's try to figure out why this happens and what a woman should do if she is offered a relationship by a married man.

Hypocrisy or common sense?

It’s not for nothing that many women resist the temptation to become the mistress of a married man. This has its own sacred meaning. Women in general intuitively have a good sense of the prospects for a relationship with a particular man. So most of them have no illusions about male psychology in relation to his mistress. As psychological research shows, love triangles involving a husband, wife and mistress are unstable, full of drama and psychologically traumatic for all three.

Married lovers: psychology

It is believed that the most reliable way to end the triple alliance is a decision made by the person who is singular in it. In a situation where one man is dating two women, only he himself is capable of breaking it up in the best possible way for everyone. love triangle. To do this, he must choose who to stay with. Such situations are quite rare in real life. In fact, the love triangle collapses due to the fact that one of the women cannot stand it and leaves. Or, what happens less often, both tolerate the infidelity of their loved one, but neither is ready to leave. In this case, the relationship for three may drag on. And the longer they continue, the more psychological trauma both women and the man himself receive.

That's why sensible women try not to get involved with married men. It is not known whether it will be possible to win their love, but you can get into trouble with almost one hundred percent probability.

Why married men have mistresses

Sexologists and psychologists believe that it is mainly problem men who have mistresses. Of course, there are exceptions when a normal man without any special complexes or mental problems takes a mistress. However, male psychology is such that, as a rule, if a man has a stable, healthy, warm, sensual relationship with his wife, he will not waste time on his mistresses. As soon as problems arise in the relationship, he begins to think about cheating. Men are less willing to work on relationships than women. And if they have a misunderstanding with their wife, they can try to find a more understanding person. They may fall out with old friends and start drowning their problems in wine or try to escape them by taking up hobbies like fishing or constantly tinkering in the garage. But they can also resort to more radical methods - having a mistress. Often men do not plan to leave the family. They are comfortable: at home - an organized life, well-groomed children and some routine, boredom, balanced by stability. And you can have fun with your mistress, take your soul away, shake off the old days. So it turns out that they have no special intentions regarding their mistress. There is only a desire to get from life what is missing in the family.

Why do women date married men?

A man's attitude towards his mistress

As we have already noted, not every woman will agree to have an affair with a married man. Usually, desperate, lonely ladies with low self-esteem go for this. Sometimes these are women who, due to circumstances, are afraid of close relationships with people. Having a family with her chosen one protects her from an overly close relationship with a man. She experiences rather superficial feelings towards him, and justifies this by external circumstances, and not by her inability to love. Often a woman is pushed into a relationship with a married man by an unsuccessful experience in personal relationships or by the idea received from her parents that all men are unworthy of her.

Male psychology in relation to a mistress, which includes superficial relationships without obligations, may suit her quite well. Behind the declared respect for the freedom of choice of such a man, there may be fear and uncertainty about his own attractiveness.

It must be said that by setting out on the path of an affair with a married man, a woman only aggravates her problems. The constant feeling of the immorality of the relationship, the duplicity of one’s own nature is destructive for a woman’s self-esteem. A vicious circle arises: the longer she dates a married man, the lower her self-esteem. And the lower the self-esteem, the less chance there is of a successful relationship with a free man who is ready to give her a stable and long-term relationship.

All this is aggravated by the reaction of the external environment. It rarely happens that no one condemns the mistress of a married man. In fact, she is often persona non grata among the friends and relatives of her chosen one. And if the affair begins at work, then the mistress can also become an object of ridicule for colleagues, which clearly does not contribute to a successful career.

What to do if you have feelings for a married man

Despite all the drama of a relationship with a married man, you should not renounce your love for him. Love is not a feeling that we can control. Often it arises in our soul against our will, it’s not for nothing that sayings and jokes on the topic “love is evil...” are so popular.

If you find that you are overwhelmed by feelings for a married person, the first thing you should do is examine the situation. The fact is that now people have somehow become easier to relate to the issues of registration and divorce. If his marriage exists only on paper, you can safely forget all of the above and plunge headlong into the romance. Just be vigilant: do not blindly trust the words of the man himself; check the information about the “formality” of his marriage through mutual friends, relatives and acquaintances.

If his marriage turns out to be strong and is not at all “on the rocks,” as he claims, try to do everything to avoid this relationship. Take a time out from communication, if you work together, try not to meet at work. Take a vacation and spend a month away from him. Be creative in methods of avoiding such an affair, and then you will have a chance to build a truly warm and trusting relationship with some other, more decent and reliable man.

From a temporary lover to a forever lover

Mistress - many interpret this concept in their own way. The mistresses themselves believe that this word arose from the word to love, but outside observers say that it comes from the word to admire. Men, for the most part, don’t care; if you think about it, both are right.

Relationships on the side almost always begin as light flirting, a game, a way to escape from accumulated problems. Men, as practice shows, are less resilient, and when a crisis or difficult life situation occurs, they get lost, want to avoid solving problems and run away. So it turns out that they run away to another woman, to a place where everything is easy and you don’t have to think about anything, to a place where they are ready to decide and do everything for him, if only he would just be there, just pay attention. Some women are content to remain in the status of a mistress all their lives, dreaming that one day that happy day will come and a man will leave his family, returning to her forever, and making her his wife.

And there are such cases, they are quite real and even numerous, when the status of a mistress temporarily becomes permanent. If a woman really doesn’t need anything from a man, and she is satisfied with such a free life, the fate of always being in second place, since he still goes to his family, then there is nothing to add. Such relationships will continue until the man or his wife breaks this triangle, since the mistress is satisfied with everything, and she probably will not want to give up such a relationship.

What is good in this situation for a man? A permanent lover is a kind of stability, which is so important for the stronger sex, but after constancy comes habit, and sometimes it is so difficult to get rid of it. And this applies not only to relationships between lovers, but also affects intrafamily relationships. When everything seems to be fine, but something is weighing you down, it’s difficult to take everything and tear it apart, you need a shake-up, an explosion, a reason, or better yet, a quarrel. If this happens in a family, then in most cases the man leaves and goes to his mistress. After all, it was this backup option that he had been warming up for so long, and in this case, the mistress could go from temporary to the category of permanent, and then completely leave this status, becoming the only one.

What good is this situation for the mistress? A permanent relationship means that the man takes her seriously, that there may even be some feelings. Inspired by such a positive forecast that she is about to soon become not a mistress, but a wife, she may lose her head. However, it’s worth keeping a cool head here. You must always have a clear picture of your future. After all, being a mistress is one thing, but being the wife of your ex-lover is completely different. Remember that the reasons that pushed this man into your arms may someday become the reason for him to cheat on you. You can, of course, try not to make past mistakes, but you can never be sure that if a man was able to do this once, he, once with you, will not do this again.

The moral here is that no matter what status the mistress has, she will still remain so, and if you really want to become happy and unique, then you need to choose someone who will not be capable of betrayal and deception.

Psychology of a married lover and its features

A significant part of the female population completely refutes the possibility of a rendezvous with a married man, considering such relationships to be initially deadly for the soul and their own pride. But there are a considerable number of ladies who not only accept such a development of events, but also purposefully strive for just such a scenario. Putting aside hypocrisy and feigned pride, one can understand the very essence of the phenomenon.

The psychology of a married lover compares favorably with the behavior of an inveterate bachelor or a conscientious family man, and therefore lends itself to full analysis by a sober-minded lady. Most wives, who have learned from their own experience the problem of triangular ups and downs, consider the main reason for their husband’s infidelity to be the polygamy inherent in them (popularly referred to as “getting mad”). In fact, the root of the problem may be hidden behind a screen of psychological disorders.

Problems are the root of betrayal

A common root cause of infidelity is problematic parental relationships:

The psychology of a married lover in relation to his mistress gradually develops a pattern of behavior. The first experience of a forbidden relationship programs a man to constantly monitor the speech, movements and places of possible deployment of his mistress. The city in which the married hero lives with his mistress, day after day turns into a map with minefields. A man tries his best not to get caught on the arm of his wife in the eyes of his passion and vice versa. For some guys this kind of situation gives in some part positive results: the brain calculates moves in advance, attentiveness increases several times.

Model of behavior of a “stray” married partner

There is a more common type of unfaithful men at the moment - the “stray” young married lover. His psychology of betrayal is quite simple - the wife confronted him with the fact of her own pregnancy, and the marriage was formed around the existing heir or heiress. The strength of such bonds is rather doubtful. A man, pressed against the wall with his tummy, sees his wife as a warden rather than as his faithful soul mate. Therefore, the appearance of a light and cheerful outlet on the side is a completely adequate reaction.

Many girls who set sail on the “marriage” river with just such rights often place all responsibility for the birth of the baby on their spouse. But pressure in the form of barbs or jokes only leads to the desire to gain balance; girls on the side in this case are a means to gain the missing dominance. The psychology of a married man with a mistress is distinguished by its stable state. A disadvantaged individual who finally has the opportunity to receive dosed bursts of intimate life without accompanying moralizing or blackmail, notes an improvement in well-being, an influx of energy and aspirations, as well as an influx of physical strength.

Changes in a married lover

A man strives to match his well-groomed lover. The wife’s favorite pies are swept aside, but baked meat is only welcome. This is the psychology of a married lover. Mistresses have a very significant difference from wives - they have their own rich lives, they have a separate social circle, unfamiliar affairs and successes. The wife is always trampling underfoot, worrying about her family and children, grumbling about her mother-in-law and colleagues. You can always put pressure on your missus or demand your marital debt, but your mistress can fly away on vital matters at any moment. The moment of lack of influence gives any man a feeling of ardent thirst, attracting him more and more.

If both partners are married...

There is also an option when married lovers and mistresses meet. The psychology of these relationships goes beyond a simple craving for novelty. A married lady not only indulges in adultery, she gives a piece of her own soul to her lover, taking it away from her family.

Why does a married lady have a married partner?

For women, the bonds of marriage are not empty words, even in the case of a fictitious union (by convenience or contract). Several factors can force a girl to decide to have a forbidden relationship:

What are relationships built on?

The psychology of a married lover in relation to his married mistress is built on quite tangible supports. The main one is the complete adaptation of the new passion to one’s own fate. A married lady, in fact, is a universal cocktail that gives pleasure and confidence in a man’s capabilities, and at the same time does not show a harmful passion for ringing. A pleasant bonus is complete harmony in terms of timing. Over time, a free lover will demand more attention to herself, while a married woman approaches the issue more thoughtfully, calculating all possible options.

The complete absence of trivial promises and vows qualitatively saturates the relationship of married lovers. The psychology of both parties is such that wild delight and the desire to suppress the partner are absent.

Why choose a married woman as a mistress?

Thanks to beneficial harmony, a relationship with a married woman is complemented by purely external factors. Such a lady completely rejects going out to crowded places and does not require pretentious parties, frisky races or spa resorts. The list of expenses of a married man is qualitatively reduced and easily fits into the family budget, especially if legal spouse controls him scrupulously. Men are also attracted to the relaxedness of married mistresses.

Animal interest in the forbidden ripens on both sides, giving the intimate relationship a “tasty” spice. The psychology of a married lover is built on the same classical laws - when one’s wife constantly talks about her age (both in social matters and in bed), the ego demands the satisfaction of the most ambiguous desires.

Ideal for both partners

In some situations, a married lover becomes a lifeline for single mothers. The psychology of women over the years of loneliness puts forward a whole list of positive aspects of this phenomenon. Legal husbands often disappoint with their tyranny towards their spouse or child, so a married lover will not take educational initiatives towards the child, and will not tighten the atmosphere in the house. Rare visits also look tempting - a single mother does not often manage to set aside an hour or two for herself, so such a partner will not issue ultimatums.

Women believe that a married lover can help financially. The psychology of a man who has experienced the difficulties of everyday life is such that he compromises more easily, he has to ask him less often, a casually thrown phrase or a sigh evokes in such a partner a reflex developed in life together with my wife.

Married lover: psychology, divorce

Over the past three decades, a different trend in such relations has been widespread. Many girls dream of finding a well-rounded man; most often a married lover suits them for the role of admirer. They plan to win such a partner, to conquer him. As a result, he will file for divorce from his missus. Thus, young and overly ambitious ladies want to get not just a win, but a universal jackpot.

The appearance of a younger or more experienced woman in the life of a spouse in most cases indicates stagnation in relation to the couple. Psychologists advise getting to the core of the problem before taking radical measures and sanctions. Family life- the matter is not just labor-intensive and painstaking, but also omnipresent. Any man needs frequent bursts of seething passions that would allow him to balance the emotional world with the external one.

How a man treats his mistress in psychology

How to understand a man? After all, sometimes women find this very difficult, since often a man may remain silent and not express his own emotions. Sometimes even loving people It is difficult for a couple to understand each other. The longer the union of a woman and a man lasts, the more disagreements can arise between them, which can lead to quarrels and scandals. It would seem that it could be easier than to study each other over a long period of time, but complete acceptance of each other does not occur in all couples. Often, out of great love, women make sacrifices and adapt to their chosen one, while playing the role of a good wife. But hidden desires and protests are still able to find a way out sooner or later. Therefore, the main reason for all disagreements and scandals in a couple is misunderstanding.

How to understand the psychology of men

In order to learn to understand the psychology of a man, you should master the art proper communication with him. You need to learn to speak the same language with him. Women often want from representatives of the stronger sex what they are not able to give them, but not because they do not want, but because they do not understand what exactly feminism expects from them. You can understand the psychology of men if you learn to convey your desires and thoughts to them, so it is important to learn how to correctly formulate the topic of conversation . Rolled eyes and puffy cheeks, questions like “what kind of relationship do we have anyway?” representatives of the stronger sex are very frightened and wary, so they do not know how to react to them. Instead, you should simply say what the woman wants and why. For example, a woman needs to directly say that she wants her chosen one to kiss her when they meet, because this makes her confident that she is loved, or, for example, she should directly say that she wants her chosen one to call back in order to avoid female anxiety.

A woman who understands a man will not hurt a man’s pride during a conversation, and will never compare him with other representatives of the stronger sex.

Every conversation with a representative of the stronger sex should end with certain conclusions, since emotional, long female introductions will be meaningless if there is no clear ending with a conclusion. Representatives of the fair sex should not be surprised if their chosen ones answer with one phrase as a sign of agreement. This happens because all men’s thoughts take place in their heads and are not spoken out loud.

How to understand a man - psychology

Psychologists say that some of the breakups and conflicts occur due to a lack of understanding of the psychology of men and the inability of women to “steer” men, and the second part is due to a reluctance to grow up and male irresponsibility. Representatives of the stronger sex differ from women not only physiologically, but also psychologically, intellectually and emotionally. Everyone knows about this, but everyone also forgets about it during everyday troubles. And in most cases, this can help avoid quarrels and insults.

How to understand a man if a woman is confident that she is right. Advice from psychologists on this matter is as follows:

- it will be easier to understand a man if you understand the differences between a woman and a man;

- it is important to realize that by nature all men are conquerors and therefore the spirit of struggle is strong in them;

- they are more stubborn and persistent than women, they love to gain attention and defend their opinions;

- women are more inclined to compromise, so it is advisable for them not to forget about this and to be flexible in difficult situations;

- if a woman speaks without thinking about personal relationships, then a man acts without thinking, so you should not be offended by men who do something without thinking. This is their character;

— often women do not understand that for the stronger sex their appearance is not the most important thing, and they scold a man for, for example, wearing a tasteless sweater when visiting. When dressing, the main thing for a man is to feel comfortable according to the situation;

— most women equate a man’s gaze on a beautiful girl with cheating. It's not like that at all. Representatives of the stronger sex have well-developed and eroticized vision, this can explain their involuntary arousal at the sight of beautiful girl, but this does not mean that a man will run after another, so a woman should learn to perceive men adequately, not to be offended, and not to be irritated. This phenomenon can be compared to burning through a woman's eyes at the sight of a beautiful dress;

— you can understand a man if you don’t forget that the most important thing in a relationship is the language of respect and love, which will help you unite with a man and harmoniously complement each other.

Women often ask psychologists at consultations about how the psychology of men works, which they do not always understand. And in general, what do men want? How do they think and what is the best way to communicate with them? How to understand a man and how to please him? And what needs to be done for a man to appreciate and respect a woman?

So, how to understand a man - psychology:

• firstly, all men love attention, affection and care. They need their women to admire them, even if their exploits are embellished. It is very important to meet your man with a smile, preferably also with a hug;
• secondly, representatives of the stronger sex like to fulfill understandable and feasible requests for the women they love, which should be expressed out loud, and not expected that they themselves will figure out to do something.

For example, a man himself will not realize that flowers are important to a woman if the woman herself does not tell him about it, but this should be said without hysterics and in a calm voice. For example, it is useless to demand that your loved one do home renovations if he quietly hates it and does not know how. It is better to direct his energy to earning additional funds for repairs that will be done by professionals.

All women make a typical mistake, thinking that her chosen one will listen and just chat with her about problems like hers. best friend. You shouldn’t expect him to sympathize just like his girlfriend after talking about his problem. A man will not give advice on how to fix the situation using specific recommendations, but he can have a heart-to-heart talk just like that if there is some kind of discussion going on.

Only by starting to respect yourself and your needs as women can you get the stronger sex to fulfill your desires.

A woman who understands a man will allow him to be alone, lie on the couch, watch his favorite football or boxing. She realizes that her chosen one cannot devote all his time to her or work all the time.

Representatives of the stronger sex do not like to be controlled and are asked a lot of questions: “where were you, where did you go, where did you spend the money, why did you say that.” If such instructions and questions come continuously from women, then sooner or later they run away from such relationships.

How to understand a man's attitude

Women in relationships with representatives of the stronger sex should realize that they are structured differently, so it is very difficult to understand a man and his attitude. They realize and feel feminine actions not nearly as much as men. It's all about the peculiarities of male psychology. For example, representatives of the stronger sex do not consider the day they met or their wedding anniversary to be significant dates. But forgetting about little things does not mean that they are indifferent to their lovers. The stronger sex is driven by great achievements, and honoring traditions is not so important for them, so representatives of the fair sex should simply accept this fact, not be offended and remind their chosen ones in advance about the upcoming anniversaries.

You cannot make scandals, reproach them for inattention, you should just calmly explain that this is very important. Having received what you want, you need to thank your loved one from the bottom of your heart, so he will realize how important it is for a woman to fulfill small requests and feel sincerely loved. A woman's patience and love will over time instill in her husband an understanding of the significance of these little things.

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30 comments on the post “How to understand a man”

I want to tell you my relationship story and ask if I have any reason to worry, or if I’m doing something wrong, and I wanted to hear your advice.

My man and I have known each other for 8 months, it just so happened that he didn’t ask if I wanted to be in a relationship with him, we somehow smoothly came to this together. And when I ask why this is so, he always answers that from the first day we met he knew that it was serious.

The fact is that I have a child, a little daughter, and they love each other very much, he has known her since she was six months old and she is growing up before his eyes, calls him daddy, and his whole family accepted and loved us. It seems like everything Thank the universe, we are doing well, I am incredibly lucky to have met such a person. He says that he loves me very much and of course I also love him madly, and most importantly I feel his love. But, when it comes to a wedding or about living together, then I understand that I don’t understand a damn thing (pardon the expression). He has set himself an exorbitant goal of buying a car for cash, and in connection with this he works seven days a week, and the wedding and living together are in the background. Of course, I support him in every possible way in his goal, but as a couple I feel offended that my daughter and I are on second place after the car. He says, “First I’ll earn money for the car, and then for the wedding,” the car costs a little over 1 million rubles, and with a sober mind I understand that in two years, as he promises, he’s unlikely to earn money for all this, yes and we don’t have separate housing. We both live in three room apartments but everyone is with their relatives, only on very rare weekends I am with his daughter, he explains this by saying that while he works seven days a week, there is no point in us living together, because it seems like we will only be there at night, and all day long I will be alone with the child , I have the opposite opinion, I think that we’ll see each other at least every night and morning. And to this I hear silence, I don’t want to put pressure on him, but I’m afraid that he’s just deliberately delaying this moment of living together. And I’m also afraid that after these two years, I myself will no longer want to get married or live together, since I will get used to this kind of relationship, and this will continue to be delayed indefinitely, and I am worried that during this period I will become pregnant with a second child, but I I don’t want to get married when I’m pregnant, for me it’s such a panicky fear, I’m very afraid of it ((

In general, something like this.

I really want to hear your advice!

How to understand whether a man wants a further relationship. We lived together for a year, went through operations and the loss of loved ones and a lot of other things. As a result, my man broke up with me. When I packed my things and left, he hated me. For several days he simply couldn’t be with me talk. And then he abruptly changed his attitude, we periodically meet to practice magic, but it is clear that a man needs intimacy. He says that we will never live together again, but he checks my phone, wonders who is calling me, and makes excuses to me. How Can this be explained, is family reunification possible with such behavior?

Hello! Please comment on my situation.

We have been dating a man for five months. I warmed to him. I enjoy spending time with him. I feel a lot of passion from him, but there is no attention and he does not want to live together. I don't want to remain a friend. I am 41 years old. He has been divorced for three years and lives alone, constantly dating women temporarily. He tells me that he is getting used to it. Introduces friends. We spend the weekend together. Then he seems to sober up and “go to work.” Answers calls. But the question is that many women are constantly seeking his attention. He is wealthy, handsome, holds a good position. Previously he did not hide the fact that he could be unfaithful. Now he says that he only sleeps with me and denies these women attention. How to check? How to move relationships? How much to wait? Tell me what steps to take to at least offer to live together. When we spend evenings and weekends together, we cook together, go for walks, go to visit. But he doesn’t want to be with me every day. The reasons are funny: it’s not cleaned, I’m tired, I’m going to sleep, I need to iron the clothes... I always hear: I’m getting used to it, I’m a Taurus.

Hello, Natalia. Guess why a man doesn’t want to after a divorce Serious relationships and does not want to live together is not difficult, he has his own experience. He already knows from the inside what living together is like, and his imagination now doesn’t picture anything good after the divorce.

It is possible that the reason for not wanting to live together lies in his personal comfort, since he is accustomed to a certain routine, state of affairs, and freedom. Letting a woman into your home initially means changing your own habits, restricting freedom and restructuring your life. Not everyone is ready for this, even if it’s only about his beloved moving in with him. Living in different living spaces is emotionally more comfortable, and if the work is stressful, then there may simply not be enough energy to establish something new and allocate a woman her shelf for creams. Previously, it was very difficult to survive alone, people united into families, now conditions have changed, and a man is quite capable of providing for his own existence. Be patient. Men are more attached in relationships than women, therefore, having already experienced the collapse of a relationship once, it takes a lot of courage and restored internal resources to be able to try again. Therefore, you cannot put pressure on your chosen one, demand that you devote all your free time to yourself. He should always feel comfortable and, if necessary, take care of personal matters at any time. You can't be too curious. A man has the right to secrets, so you can’t demand what he doesn’t want to tell. Of course, you can’t look through his email, mobile phone, or be endlessly jealous. It is recommended to praise and give compliments. There is no need to look for a special reason for praise. You just need to say something nice, but sincere.

It is necessary to show a man that in bed he gives real pleasure, so you should refuse intimacy less and be the one who initiates it. It is very important to take care of a man and if you become indispensable to him, then he himself will not want to let you go.

Hello! My problem is that I am 21 years old and I have never dated anyone in my entire life. The fact is that I am very afraid of disappointments. I've never had a second date, and I realized a simple thing. I'm too afraid of relationships, and I have too many moral principles. Every time a man wants to hug me, I turn into a statue. When I try to kiss, I close my lips with my fingers and push away, explaining that a decent girl shouldn’t kiss on the first date. I do not know what to do.

Hello, I have such a difficult situation, I have been in a relationship with a man for three years, we met, now we started living, but at the moment he left to work in another city, but he comes, and now he tells me that he will work there for three months. Before this we had a fight. I caught him on a dating site, he kind of explained to me that he was a friend, and his name was nonsense. I stopped calling him, but he called himself - like, don’t call me; I don’t know what to do, I’m already tired.

Hello. I met a man on a dating site, we met once, talked, after which he left, and for a week after our meeting we communicate only by correspondence, he does not call or make appointments. (The purpose of his registration on the site is to find a girl to start a family) I don’t write to him first, the initiative always comes from him. But what bothers me is that he doesn’t want to see me again. At the same time, he writes how good I am, how beautiful I am, etc., etc. Please tell me how to understand his attitude towards me?

Good afternoon, please tell me, I have a very strange situation. 2 months ago, I started dating a young man, we have known each other for a long time, but he only took the initiative now. From the very beginning, we agreed to tell each other the truth, since both he and I have baggage behind us (divorce, children). He works a lot, he immediately warned me about this, I agreed and accepted the situation. The whole problem is that despite all the fact that he says that I am his girlfriend, that he wants to build a relationship with me, that he is interested and comfortable in every sense, but at the same time, he hardly finds time for meetings, for calls, we communicate a lot through messengers, and communication in messengers is generally idyllic, but as soon as the weekend comes or on weekdays, he simply ignores me, and then, as if nothing had happened, he starts communicating with me. I know for sure that he is divorced and because of large quantity he simply has no time to go to work. I asked him many times, when he comes home late from work, to write an SMS saying that everything is fine, he either writes or doesn’t. I get the impression that I am participating in some kind of experiment due to endless understatement. Although he says, why are you worried, everything will be fine. Help me figure out whether this is really some kind of game, or whether this is a behavioral feature. I don’t know what to think anymore, I like him very much, but it’s very difficult to be in a misunderstanding. Help me figure out whether I need to end this relationship or somehow bring him to a revelation and understand that this is a feature of his behavior, I am confused and going in circles, not finding answers to my questions.

Hello Lana. You have been in a relationship for a fairly short period of time and your idea of ​​the relationship does not coincide with the idea young man, so there is a certain misunderstanding for you of what is happening. If a man says that everything is fine, you need to listen to his words.

“I asked him many times, when he comes home late from work, to write an SMS saying that everything is fine, he either writes or doesn’t.” — It’s more like your desire to keep everything under control, men don’t like that.

“Help me figure it out, we need to end this relationship or somehow bring him to a revelation” - If a man is dear to you, then try to understand him and accept him for who he is. If you display on straight Talk and make far-fetched claims, a man may doubt the advisability of continuing the relationship.

THANK YOU VERY MUCH! YOU HAVE MADE CLARITY WITH YOUR SHORT BUT CLEAR ANSWER

I took into account everything you wrote, but the problem is that after the divorce, I became insecure and mentally unbalanced. I always feel like my boyfriend is deceiving me. It seems to me that I am deceiving myself, fantasizing a lot (you are right that too little time has passed). My husband and I had a very difficult divorce, and after it so much came to light that it is now very difficult to believe. I am very afraid of deception on the part of my boyfriend, since this is the first man in 5 years whom I liked and with whom I wanted more. It’s like I’m in a vicious circle, walking around and not being able to find answers to my questions, because I understand that if I push, nothing good will come of it. All you can do is wait and remain patient, there is no other way out.

Hello, please tell me, I have this situation, I’ve been living with my husband for almost 8 years, I have a son 5 years old, he’s 10 years older than me, before we met he served 8 years in prison, almost immediately after we met we started living together, before we met in person about We talked on the phone for six months. There was practically no candy-bouquet period, when we started living together I found out that he was communicating with another girl, endless correspondence and calls, did not explain his behavior in any way, after about a year of living together, I became pregnant and he promised that nothing like that would happen again. The first year everything was fine, he always flew home, helped with the child, after some time we bought a separate home, he started drinking and periodically left with a friend, when I tried to restrain him, he used force. Once he even beat him up in the entrance, explaining that I was annoying him, that I needed something all the time, that I was obsessed with money, although we were talking about basic things, after that similar situations happened many times, but it seems to me that I sometimes forced him to take such measures. By trying to sort things out, she insulted me. After his partying, girls’ numbers appeared in the phone, I went to extreme measures to attract attention, I was looking for a relationship on the side, there was nothing serious or long-lasting, but he also found out about it, after repeated conversations, I realized that I could lose him. There were a lot of moments on his part when he left and walked in the company of girls, who, as it turned out later, were aware of our relationship and assured him that he needed to break up with me. He, like me, has a problem with alcohol, in the evenings he can drink beer, then something stronger at dinner, most often I support him. The last time we were visiting, after which we returned home drunk, I fell asleep, he returned to his friends, took our car, in the morning I woke up, just at that time he came home in a very drunken state and was about to leave again, I took the keys to drive him away The car was parked under the windows, he jumped out and took the keys, breaking my hand. The next day, he continued to drink in the company of girls, one of them told me on the phone that my husband was a freak, as I understood, he pestered her in every possible way, but did not receive a positive reaction. The problem is that for two or three months he behaves ideally, caringly, then a quirk happens, usually due to alcohol, he behaves aggressively, conversations and showdowns irritate him, he rarely asks for forgiveness, almost never. Now my arm is broken, I haven’t heard a word of apology, instead there are insults and reproaches. Seeing my tears, he gets even more irritated and says something offensive. I don’t understand how to deal with this situation, sometimes I think how good and caring he is, he cooks deliciously, is attentive, gives gifts, is gentle, his family also sees this and notices, then something like a relapse happens and he’s like as if they had replaced it. He can not talk for a week and ignore him, be so cold that it seems that I have never met a worse relationship. When asked if he loves me, he avoids answering. And when everything is good, he talks about it all the time. It seems to me that past mistakes and alleged betrayals on his and my part are to blame, or rather, that there is no such awe and respect. How to return a good attitude and is there any point? Tell me what to do? I feel very sorry for my son and at the same time I am very emotionally dependent on my husband.

Hello, Elena. “How to return a good attitude and is there any point?” - Don’t try to change your husband and don’t change his usual way of life. It's useless. Accept him as he is: with his strengths and weaknesses. Whether this makes sense is up to you to decide.

Hello, we met a young man 2 weeks ago. At first it was just communication, over the course of a week he offered to see each other and spend time together, and when we spent the evening together at his house, we drank and he began to pester me, then the evening ended and I went home. After which I decided that it was not worth communicating anymore, a few days later he wrote again and offered to see each other, and in our further communication there were no more hints of intimacy on his part. And I had a question about what exactly he wants from communicating with me, either he is seeking intimacy, or he realized his mistake and decided to build some kind of relationship. How can you find out without asking the question directly, because if he wants a relationship, I think this question might somehow push him away.

Consider the first encroachment on intimacy on his part as the first test of you “for lice,” which (I hope) you passed successfully. It was not he who realized his mistake. It is you who have begun to look much more worthy (for example, perhaps as his future wife, who will NOT immediately rush into bed with a new, better lover).

Hello, help me understand this person. We have known each other for six years, we have two children. During quarrels, he gets offended and goes to his mother. He may not answer calls, turn off the phone for several days, and still go about his business. Once I myself suggested to him to break up, he began to dissuade me, talking about children, about family, that he would no longer behave like that. Time passed, the relationship returned to normal, and then the same thing began... I got sick and felt bad, he didn’t care what was happening to me. He packed his things and left, saying that he would not observe my displeasure towards him. Although it was not dissatisfaction, but simply poor health. I just realized that the person didn’t care what was happening to me, I again began to delve into myself and look for the reason, made a concession and decided to correct the situation, to talk. But he ignores me, turned off the phone and resets it again. And when he answered the calls, he said that he would not find out anything. I called his mom to find out why his phone was turned off, she told me that he didn’t want to talk and live with me the same way. Here's how to be, how to understand it. And I don’t want to lose him and I can’t understand what he needs and how to get through to him.

Hello Tatiana. In order to understand the current situation, it is necessary to listen to two sides. It is not clear why quarrels occur. And if you know that a person is very touchy, you should not bring the relationship to a showdown.

“he doesn’t want to talk and live the same with me” - To save the relationship, you and your husband need to seek help from a family psychologist in person.

For now, let the emotions subside; over time, your husband will turn on the phone and you will talk.

Good afternoon Help me figure it out, please! I don’t even know who else to turn to with this question.

At the moment I have been communicating with a young man for about a year. Conventionally, let's call him O. It is worth noting that when I just started communicating with O., the first 2-3 months, I was simultaneously leaving an old relationship and spending some time with my ex. O. was not aware of this, but he suspected it, as it has now turned out. We just walked, went to the cinema, to exhibitions, to bars. They didn't even kiss. I liked O. both as a man and as a person, but I didn’t imagine that we would have anything, and I didn’t show any initiative. We didn’t meet often, the nature of the communication was rather friendly.

For about 8 months, we can say we’ve been dating since then. There have been no “official” statements on this topic. We began to communicate and meet more often. O. is quite secretive, introverted, and it is difficult to understand his intentions. Everything was fine, we spent time together, we discovered common interests and topics, and compatibility of temperaments. Gradually I fell in love.

But I couldn’t help thinking about how he saw our relationship. It seemed to me that he was “keeping his distance.” Therefore, I called him for a conversation to find out what was between us (about six months after the start of a close relationship). Confessed her feelings. And he said that “I’ve never fallen in love with anyone.” I wanted to stop everything, but after thinking about it, I decided to continue and see what would happen. O. did not object. However, I began to notice that more tenderness and signs of jealousy appeared in our communication. Although O. tries not to show it. I didn't pay much attention to this. During the entire time of our communication there was not a single quarrel or complaint.

Some time passed, and he began to show less and less initiative. He called me for a walk less often, etc. The distance between us has increased. But I didn’t attach much importance to this, because... I am a supporter of the fact that everyone should have “personal space”. I go in for sports, attend social events, communicate with friends and with other men, in general, I have a life besides my relationship with O. Sometimes I could change plans (of course, having notified him in advance) if I wasn’t going to do something serious or interesting together. Well, I thought that he was “slack at work” or something like that.

Suddenly O. stopped calling and writing completely, and answered my calls and messages coldly and in monosyllables. After a week of such “communication,” I asked him to meet, he agreed. At the meeting, he said that he saw no point in further communication, because... “I’m acting strange” and he doesn’t trust me; pointed out that at the beginning of our relationship I was dating someone else, and he was aware of it. And not so long ago I received strange calls and SMS (usual friendly calls and jokes). Allegedly, I have other men besides him. I confirmed that his suspicions about the beginning of the relationship were well founded, but all the rest had no basis, except for his uncertainty. His reasoning was that he could no longer trust me, even if his suspicions were unfounded, and therefore saw no point in continuing to meet. However, he does not want to completely sever contacts and “burn bridges.” I decided to be as it would be, turned around and left, wishing the man good luck.

After another week of silence and reflection, I realized that I didn’t want it to end like this. This person is dear to me and I want to be with him.

I asked for another meeting. O. did not refuse. We met, I calmly expressed my opinion and admitted that I was to blame (for starting the relationship) and asked to give me another chance. He listened silently. Regarding my request for a chance, he asked, “What will change?” I answered honestly that I don’t know. At the end he said, “I’ll think about it.”

He doesn’t push away at all, but he doesn’t let him get closer either. How to understand what he is trying to achieve with this behavior? I don't even know how to react. I try not to intrude, I don’t write, I don’t call often. I'm just trying to explain the situation to him. More precisely, your view of her. Yes, I was wrong when I started dating him, ending my relationship with another young man. But that's my only fault. O. charges me with almost all mortal sins. Then again, maybe what he says about the reasons for the breakup is just a cover.

I am a realist and I understand that if you drive away thoughts about him for the right amount of time, then everything will pass. However, I believe that this relationship is worth fighting for. I want to preserve what we have and make our relationship better.

I don't want to believe that everything will end. It seems to me that everything can be changed as long as you don’t give up.

I would be very grateful if you could clarify the situation at least a little.

Best regards, Ksenia

Hello, Ksenia. You really made a subtle point about your man's introversion. The character of such a person is always calm, he is a balanced and reasonable person. Such a man does not make hasty, categorical decisions and will think through all the options, choosing the most effective one. Often such deliberation borders on indecision and slowness. He is more comfortable spending time with internal thoughts and worries alone.

Introverts can live quite well for quite a long time without communicating with anyone, which is why your young man was in no hurry with SMS and calls.

Introverts prefer to observe any social processes from the outside, but not take part in them. Therefore, your chosen one compares everything, watches you, studies you, and you perceive him as lacking initiative. If you are ready to actively interact with him and always take the initiative, then go ahead, and if you want a vibrant relationship, then change your chosen one.

Hello, I am 34 years old, he is 56 years old, we have been dating for 20 years. I tried many times to leave and arrange my personal life, but returned to him. I cheated on him a lot and he knows, he was married twice, has children, and has been divorced for 6 years. We don’t live together, although he is alone in the apartment, the children live separately. I really want to start a family, have a child, but he doesn’t need it. What do i do? Why can’t I leave and keep coming back? How to figure it out? I am outwardly pretty, slim, and look very young. So why don’t I have a personal life? Help, please!

Hello, I have a problem. We met at a party, for the first 2 weeks he sought my attention: he asked for a phone number, wanted to come (several times), but I often refused him. After a while we met, at first I did not show any sympathy for him. He began to come more often, everything was fine, it seemed like he was not indifferent to me. This went on for 1 month. Our last meeting was on his initiative with the words “I miss you, I want to see you,” he came, we had a good evening. Then he disappeared for 3 weeks: he didn’t write, didn’t call, didn’t come... I can’t understand his behavior! What do I need to do to make it appear, or do nothing at all and just wait?

Hello Anna. First, ask if something has happened to your new friend, and simply waiting means showing indifference towards him.

Thank you very much, I will listen to you.

We have been together for 5.6 years and everything was fine, but a year and a half ago my husband died best friend. They were inseparable, neither in work nor in everyday life. My husband became depressed. I took on all the housework and financial support. He began to come home late more often, constantly in a bad mood. I stopped taking care of myself, wore the same clothes (at work it was very cold and I had to dress according to the climatic conditions). In the evenings, because I don’t know where my husband is, why he doesn’t pick up the phone or even drops calls, disappears for three days, I started drinking beer to fall asleep and he started saying that I was an alcoholic. Then that's it. New Year holidays he went somewhere, and soon left completely. I rented an apartment and slowly moved my things. It was unbearably painful, I asked him to take all my things at once, but he didn’t, and I was able to pick up the keys to the apartment two months after he left. I wrote to him, called him, asked him to come back and talk, but he did not make contact. About three weeks ago, a partner cheated my husband out of a certain amount of money and the husband was left without a job and with debts, and moved in with his parents. And now he comes to me every evening, asks for something to eat and watches a movie. At the same time, we do not communicate in just a few phrases. To the question: “Why is he walking?”, he answers: “I look at what has changed in you.” Yesterday I told him not to come, that I was sleeping, so he came this morning and said: “I can’t let you go, but I can’t be with you either.” Please tell me what this means, how to do the right thing, I don’t want and can’t lose this person. I am very grateful to you.

Hello Irina. At this stage, your husband is suffering himself and is torturing you. As soon as everything gets better for him, he will stop coming to you, because he will not need your help. Now he is comfortable behaving this way. So draw your own conclusions.

After reading the article, I am once again convinced that it is very difficult to understand not this or that action, but the true attitude of a man in his head.

Help me “unravel” my situation. Perhaps it's simpler than I think. I have known a young man for 1.5 months. For the first 1.5 weeks, he conquered me, so to speak. This did not involve giving flowers, going to theaters, etc., but he did not disappear, called often, was interested in me in everything. He made it clear to me in every possible way that he was alone and there were no other relationships or acquaintances. Now the situation is like this: for the last 2 weeks, only I have been calling. I sometimes call him to the cinema, sometimes we cook dinner at his place, sometimes we just go for a walk, but I am the initiator. But he doesn't refuse. As for more intimate meetings, they took place on his territory 4 times. When meeting and saying goodbye, sometimes he can kiss, sometimes not. I'm the only one who shows tenderness. Although, in his monologues, he reasoned that he really wanted to be interested in him and show concern. I carefully asked if he was comfortable with me. He replied: “Yes.” And when asked why he didn’t call, he replied that he had a lot of work to do and was tired. My opinion is that if a person is interesting, then you want more communication and meetings. 2 options arise in my head: 1 - he only wants to reduce the relationship to a purely friendly one, 2 - he cannot say no to his face, but is leading me to leave on my own.

In this situation, is it worth giving a break (taking silence on your part) or asking him direct questions yourself? But such a pressure of questions can scare away. Thank you in advance!

Hello, Anastasia. In a relationship, everything should be mutual, and not so unequivocally “I’ve been the only one calling for the last 2 weeks.”

“Ask him direct questions yourself? But such a pressure of questions can also scare away” - It’s better to ask right away, not necessarily directly, you can simply ask what, in his opinion, should be an ideal relationship between a man and a woman, or what qualities should his chosen one have, what family model in his understanding is ideal, who should be in charge in a relationship? Be sure to analyze everything and listen carefully. It’s better to immediately figure out for yourself whether such a chosen one is suitable for you personally or not. Do their views on life coincide or is it better to just remain good acquaintances and not create illusions?

“Is it worth giving a break in this situation (take silence on your part)” - You can do this, like answering in kind, saying that you were tired, sick, didn’t have the strength to call, and this way you will find out whether your friend will worry about you or not. After this, you will draw a conclusion whether such a relationship is necessary or not.

Many women are interested in the question of why men have mistresses. Especially when initially nothing overshadowed the marriage union, there was a sincere real love. But somewhere it cracked and everything went wrong.

In general, if we consider the psychology of a married man, then if he has real and sincere feelings for a woman, he naturally will not even think about his mistress. The woman he loves will always come first for him, that’s why she is called beloved because there are no others.

The only problem is that not everyone understands what true love is. If we consider the meaning of this word, it means disinterested, selfless interest in another person. The desire to be his support, support, to share with him all the sorrows, troubles, and not just happy moments. The ability to brighten up gray everyday life and develop together.

And when there was no trace of love, then over time a new hobby may appear. More vibrant, interesting, exciting, in the form of a relationship with a lover.

This especially happens when the initial relationship preceding marriage was built solely on sexual interest, attraction, or love.

Such relationships begin passionately, but over time the passion fades, the emotions fade, weaken and, ultimately, become dull. Nothing causes emotional excitement, trepidation, and in order to feel it all again, married men find relationships on the side. but this is not the only reason.

There is another no less significant one - disappointment and the desire to get away from problems. This especially happens when a man idealizes a woman, endows her with the desired qualities or does not notice her shortcomings. But they will still appear over time. And then there is a natural desire to find an outlet.

For a married man, a relationship with a mistress is a kind of escape from problems. The desire to resurrect dead emotions and gain new impressions. Especially if nothing makes you happy in family life.

But relationships with a mistress are inherently easy, not colored by family problems, and there is no need to bear responsibility. Besides the fact that he sees his mistress most often in good mood, she is always well-groomed and beautiful. Here the very image of the woman is pleasant, light, carefree, and then there is a desire to have a good time with her and often continue the relationship in the same light and format.

As a result, we can conclude that in a relationship on the side, a married man is looking for something that he does not find in the family and finds in the character of his mistress. She can bind him with exactly what he lacks.

How to become the best lover of a married man - psychology

1. In principle, women who want to become the mistress of a married man must be prepared for the fact that the role of a mistress is not enviable and not permanent. Especially if a married man has something to lose, and he has a lot in common with his wife - money, property, children.
2. But on the other hand, if a woman can give more or becomes more significant to him, then there is a possibility that the relationship will continue.
3. What does it take to become best lover psychology of married men
4. Find out all his weaknesses and strengths. But this is not necessary for manipulation; if a man notices that he is being manipulated, then there is a high probability that he will end the relationship. Having learned his weaknesses and strengths, it is easier to become more significant in his life. And accordingly, show that he also means a lot in your life.
5. Next comes the ability to give, just don’t confuse it with the ability to please. It's just out of place here. The ability to give here is meant psychologically. After all, every man wants to see that he is needed, appreciated, and understood. And how much you give him understanding, attention, mental strength, so it will come back to you in the form of affection.
6. It is equally important to always be in good shape. This applies to good health, well-groomed appearance, a slim figure and beautiful clothes. You need to make sure that after meeting you the man has only the best memories, and the more there are, the more he will be drawn to you again.
7. Create an atmosphere of celebration and relaxation for him. After all, if he is drawn to such a relationship, then he is tired of the gray everyday life and routine and he wants new experiences, which he does not get in the family.
8. Better find out about his life, interests, dreams, and what he is missing. If possible, become a like-minded person for him, a loyal friend with whom he can share what worries him. One of the rules of psychology says that we like those who understand us, support us, and share our thoughts. We usually become attached to such people very quickly.

Married mistress of a married man psychology

A more complex and confusing option. This usually happens when a man and woman have children, a family, a job, but they lack something in their family life. Everything is perceived as familiar, uninteresting and boring. And then you want new impressions and emotions.

Such relationships can develop in unpredictable ways. They can either burst at any moment or continue indefinitely. Because this form of relationship is convenient because you don’t have to bear responsibility, delve into and solve problems on the side.

Meetings take place at a convenient time, there are no obligations. There is more freedom here, albeit illusory freedom. Because they won’t be able to fully reveal their relationships to others and will have to hide them.

How younger man and a woman, the easier it is for them to have such relationships and the easier it is to hide. But the older they get, constant secrets, fear of not finding out about the relationship can turn into neurosis and headaches.

Psychology of married men in relationships with their mistress

But if we talk about the psychology of married men in relation to their mistresses, then often the attitude towards them is not serious. After all, the relationship was built on easy communication without obligations, where the main goal was to have a good time and have fun. But sooner or later they will end, which will immediately affect the relationship.

It costs him nothing to end a relationship with a woman with whom he has nothing in common. Passion ends, emotions become dull, and if there is no attachment, then it’s not easy for a man to leave a woman. Many men easily break up with women.

True, there is also a type of man who gets attached easily and for a long time. But that's usually the case soft men, with a vivid imagination and subtle mental organization, perceiving the world emotionally. But most women call such men weak.

And reach out to the strong, sometimes perceiving rudeness and rigidity of character as masculinity and strength. Naively believing that with her he would not be the same as with others. With her he will be a gentle kitten. Only such men are more guided by the instinct of the male, and his task is, no matter how trite it sounds, fertilization.

The emotional perception of love is alien to them; this perception comes down solely to instincts and entertainment. But on the other hand, women are still drawn to brutal men.

As a result, we can conclude that a man who is not endowed with subtle perception, emotionality, gentleness, and sincerity will easily find mistresses, leave them and find new ones again.

Why does a married man need a mistress? Psychology

As mentioned above, married men find mistresses in order to:

• To rest from family problems, everyday life and gray everyday life
• Resurrect lost emotions
• Get new experiences
• Feel the novelty of sexual relations
• Find understanding, an outlet
• Have a relationship without obligations that can be ended at any moment
• There may be a desire to flirt, love affairs

Psychology of relationships between an unmarried man and his mistress

In general, they are no different from the options described above. Except if the man is lonely, not spoiled female attention, and has a soft, sentimental character, he will quickly and for a long time become attached.

And vice versa, if a man is not characterized by emotions and affection, he is spoiled by female attention, then it is unlikely that he will value this relationship. Moreover, some men are characterized by a desire to get new sexual experiences with new woman. Only relationships built on sexual impressions and passion do not last. But here everyone chooses what he likes.

How to stop being the mistress of a married man - psychology

If you want to stop being the mistress of a married man, then you will have to confront him with a choice. Or he will officially acknowledge his relationship with you. Or such relationships will have to end.

In the latter case, you will have to delete everything related to the married man. And turn your attention to more interesting events. In principle, many psychologists give this advice. And of course it is very difficult at first. But this only happens at the beginning, especially if you yourself are very accustomed to a man.

But the less contacts, meetings, and communication there are with him, the faster this attachment will leave and die. For the best effect, it is advisable to find a new acquaintance. As they say, a wedge is knocked out with a wedge. It is precisely a new acquaintance with another man that can quickly cure attachment and memories.

What is it like to be the mistress of a married man? Psychology

In general, the fate of mistresses is not enviable. You have to hide a lot, play a secondary role in the life of a married man and invest a lot in the relationship in order to preserve it.

After all, you will have to create a good atmosphere for meetings, constantly ensure that the man feels comfortable and good with you. So that he is happy with everything, listen to him, pay attention, and nothing in return. His lion's share of attention will still go to his children and family, his wife and all relatives. And only then what remains will be received by the mistress.

And the mistress will have to constantly invest a lot in the relationship in order to maintain the man’s attention. On the one hand, there doesn’t seem to be anything wrong. But from a psychological point of view, when a woman puts a lot of effort into a man. Then the man begins to take it for granted. It came easily and he has nothing to lose.

And another catch is that when a woman invests a lot of effort for a man, the man’s importance for him increases. After all, she has done so much for him and she no longer wants to lose him. But for him, the importance of a woman decreases. Especially when he did nothing for the woman, what did he have to lose.

This often happens when there is no equality, sincerity, or naturalness in a relationship. And when they are built on the personal, selfish desires of a man to satisfy his passion or other desires, without paying attention to what his mistress wants. Therefore, she will not be in his first place.

Why does a married man need a permanent mistress? psychology articles

Most often, such men get used to it and become attached to another woman, but to choose who he needs more, a mistress or a wife, he lacks the strength and confidence. Not all men find it easy to break off relations with their wives, especially if they have a lot in common.

What he lacks in his family, he finds in his mistress. When it is constant, there are many fewer problems. You can trust her more, there is no need to look for another mistress again.

Treating regular mistresses like a second wife. There may already be more responsibility, seriousness, and desire to help in difficult situation. But that's just the concept constant mistress relative. Because nothing in life lasts forever.

At a young age, almost all girls dream of marriage with an ideal, loving and beloved man. However, having matured, we understand that life circumstances make adjustments to our plans and dreams, and it is possible that the long-awaited and only person is already legally married. Whether to agree to the role of a married man’s mistress or not is everyone’s personal choice. However, when building your romance with a non-free person, it is important to understand that these relationships are a little different from those that our imagination depicts. To understand what men are looking for in an affair, psychologists conducted a massive survey and identified 10 signs of the ideal mistress of a married man.

So, let's try to understand who she is - the ideal lover according to men?

1. She looks good

Many men begin to cheat on their wives due to dissatisfaction with their appearance. This is not surprising, because, unfortunately, women age earlier than men. However, men want to see a living embodiment of their dreams in their mistresses. Regardless of natural appearance, a mistress should always look well-groomed, stylish and attractive.

2. She should be funny

Over the years of family life, the spouses plunge headlong into everyday life, raising children and caring for material well-being, while losing that aura of romance, lightness and fun that connected them at the beginning of the relationship. It is the lack of this link that often becomes the reason why men decide to have a relationship with their mistress. Accordingly, in their chosen one they want to see not a woman tired of life, but a light muse, in whose arms they can forget about everyday worries.

3. She treats him like a hero.

Rarely do spouses manage to live their lives without quarrels, conflicts and reproaches towards each other. Having lived together for several years, the wife, like no one else, knows all the weaknesses and shortcomings of her husband, while in the eyes of his mistress, the man becomes a hero and an ideal partner. It is this attitude, filled with romance, admiration and respect, that keeps married men near their mistresses.

4. She is self-sufficient and confident

According to men, the ideal lover is a woman who loves and respects herself. In addition to her relationship with an unfree person, she has her own life, filled with various events, achievements and adventures. She does not put romance above all else, devoting a lot of time to her development and her hobbies.

5. She doesn’t reproach or cause scandals.

In relationships on the side, men are looking for a holiday, lightness and an opportunity to take a break from everyday worries. To maintain such a romance, you should not make any demands on your partner. And even more so, there is no need to reproach him for lack of attention, since these reproaches will make him feel guilty, and very soon the man will get tired of being torn between his family and his mistress.

6. She doesn't claim his freedom.

When starting a relationship with a married man, a woman must initially understand that she cannot lay claim to his entire life. This man has a family and the daily responsibilities associated with it, but when he meets his mistress, he wants to forget about them. Therefore, any questions related to his family life, as well as plans for the future, will cause him unpleasant emotions.

7. She doesn't pretend to have a future together.

Perhaps, in reality, everything is somewhat different and the mistress secretly hopes that sooner or later her partner will divorce his unloved wife and stay with her, but such thoughts should under no circumstances be demonstrated to a married man. A good lover should conduct a conversation without touching on plans for the future, and also avoid talking about his family life.

8. She doesn't die for love

Of course, every man dreams of becoming the object of a fiery and sincere love. However, young ladies who are too much in love, ready to do anything for the sake of their loved one, are hardly suitable for the role of mistresses. The fact is that excessive love on the part of the mistress will place a burden of responsibility on the man, which he probably will not want to bear. Relationships of this format should be built on common sense. It is very good when both partners understand that their romance is based on mutual sympathy in the present, and its development in the future is not a mandatory goal.

9. She is outspoken and unpredictable

Another common reason why men have mistresses is dissatisfaction in bed. Not all women are ready to experiment and bring their deepest fantasies into reality. However, excessive modesty is excusable for a wife, but not for a mistress. The lady of the heart should bring a man a holiday, surprising and striking the imagination.

10. She acts like his wife doesn't exist.

Talking about family life, and especially about a married man's spouse, should become taboo in a relationship. A good mistress needs to try to forget that her chosen one has a legal wife. You can build relationships on passion, mutual hobbies and liking for each other, while dissolving in momentary happiness and not looking into the future. And, of course, the ideal lover will never give her partner an ultimatum - either I or she.

Married men want their romance to resemble a game with clearly established rules and laws that develops in parallel with their family life and does not intersect with everyday life in any way. But this game should bring joy to both players, so relationships of this format should last as long as they suit the partners. In addition, even at the beginning of the novel, you need to accustom yourself to the idea that such relationships very rarely have prospects and the opportunity to develop into something more than ordinary intrigue. And even if an affair with a married man develops, this development will not be easy and painless.

The psychology of a woman who consciously enters into a relationship with a married man is determined by the fact that she is not the wife of her beloved, and therefore is not the only chosen one in his life. Therefore, the defining feature of psychology that is endowed with the mistress of a married man is nothing more than rivalry with another female person.

Often this quality is laid down since childhood: the girl always lost to her rivals, therefore the desire to compensate for the damage by defeating another woman migrated into adult life. The ideal option for resolving the problem would be one where a man chooses the “victim” from two passions.

But usually disappointment will overtake you here too - such a struggle very rarely ends in victory for the homewrecker. Experts say that the reason is not in those who compete, but in those for whom the fight is being waged. A normal person loves and makes a choice only in favor of one passion. When he is already married and suddenly inflamed with feelings for another, it takes him some time to decide to separate from his legal wife. Essentially, this process only takes a couple of months, and a normal person spends them taking action rather than hesitating.

But if a partner is unable to make a decision for years, wanting to keep both passions at the same time, this means that he is subject to some kind of psychological splitting, which prevents him from making a decision. Often, relationship scenarios develop precisely according to the second scheme - men whose psychology lacks integrity go to great lengths to avoid making a decision.

Waiting for such a companion becomes very painful for a lady’s self-esteem. Living for years in uncertainty, the realization comes that, as in childhood, it is not her who is chosen again.

The perception of one’s own value depends on the speed of making a man’s decision, which is why the mistress’s low self-esteem in in this case falls even lower. A woman with normal self-esteem will not allow such an attitude towards herself. Within two or three months she will understand that the choice will not take place and, without thinking for a long time, she will leave such a relationship.

But we are now analyzing the psychology of those ladies who live in uncertainty long years. What motivates them? Most likely, the expectation that a loved one will help raise self-esteem. After all, if you end the relationship yourself, then the feeling that you were not chosen will again strike a blow to your pride. Because the most best option- wait patiently with the thought: what if he chooses me, then I will return to normal and love myself again.

Alas, representatives of the stronger sex who resort to deception in order not to make a choice not only do not help in solving women’s problems, but also catastrophically aggravate it. As a result, this becomes the root cause of frequent outbreaks of despair and anger - at oneself, at a loved one, at his wife.

Many ladies can walk in a vicious circle all their lives. Having finally gotten rid of one similar connection, they enter into another - identical one. So, they again find themselves in a trap, from which it is very difficult to get out. The hidden motive for such actions is the desire to change children's script. Until a woman gets rid of him, she will continue to find herself in similar situations.

If you are a spouse who is interested in the psychology of her mistress because your husband is infatuated with someone else, then you need to know that a wife who is aware of infidelity and continues to live with it is endowed with similar hidden problems:

• Uncertainty about your importance.
• Low self-esteem.
• Emotional (not entirely healthy) dependence on her husband.
• Fear of separation and loneliness.

There is the following rule for you: it is impossible to influence an unfaithful spouse or homewrecker, but it is possible to influence and change yourself. Make your own choice or direct your relationship with your partner in a direction where there is no room for betrayal.

There are other variations in the use of the mistress status. This is what beautiful ladies sometimes call themselves who have abandoned marriages and preferred open relationships. This position is explained by the fear of intimacy, which was also caused in childhood (psychological trauma due to attachment to parents) or in adulthood (unsuccessful love interaction).

Types of women

What are the mistresses of a married man like? Depending on their psychological inclinations, ladies who enter into illicit love affairs are divided into the following types:

• Masochist. It is believed that this type is ideal for romances on the side. She is alien to reproaches, insults, complaints about her personal life and is characterized by humility, attention and support of her loved one at all levels. From her you can hear words of sympathy, as well as practical advice about the wife of the cheater. Regarding demands for divorce, the partner can be calm, since this type is happy to sacrifice himself for the good of his loved one. The psychology of a masochist places a person in the rank of permanent lovers. This is what the stronger sex is looking for.
• Hysterical. This type is compared to a hurricane. Not everyone can cope here, since they tend to keep their partner in constant tension. Scandals out of nowhere, calls in the middle of the night, calls to your wife, a willingness to go over your head for the sake of your goal - this is all in the character of a hysterical person. Some companions are turned on by this, because there is a feeling of walking on the edge of a knife. But the romance continues until the man gets tired. Or she herself will not end the affair, since this type is not interested in weaklings. They don’t play endless games like “he left and came back.” Jokes with a hysterical woman are bad because she is confident, self-sufficient and knows what she wants.
• Eternal bride. In other words, a woman who is a dreamer. A creature with its head in the clouds, unable to make the slightest decision. That's why she needs so much strong partner, albeit married. She is inherently confident that with those who are nearby, she will certainly have a cloudless future. Thoughts about your loved one’s family rarely enter your head, because it doesn’t matter. However, if the question of choice becomes acute, then the sweet creature can turn into a ferocious hysterical woman who will demand a decision immediately.

• Mother. Just like a masochist, an ideal passion. Quiet, caring, loving, affectionate and... always waiting. A person here is insured against scandals and calls to his wife. The unfaithful husband literally dissolves in the arms of the lady-mother. This type, by the way, greatest number chances (from all of the above) to become the legal wife of your loved one. She won’t force you to choose, no. It’s just that a husband can torment his wife with meetings with this woman for so long that she herself will file for divorce.

Three main categories of homewreckers

Based on practice, psychologists have come to the conclusion that women lovers can be divided into three main categories:

1. Those who are driven by true love.
2. Those who suffer from loneliness.
3. Those who need adrenaline.

Let's talk about the first category. There may be love at first sight and ignorance that the beloved is married. Perhaps the girl previously condemned such relationships, but by the will of fate she herself found herself in such a situation. At first everything is fine, but then the better half begins to be oppressed by the lover’s attempts to carefully hide the affair. She is overcome by a feeling of humiliation from having to hide from her wife and others. Resentments also accumulate, because the companion may not always be nearby. The lady despairs and eventually falls into depression.

A loving person is characterized by constant torment, doubts, and attempts to understand how the wife of a loved one feels. She is well aware that she is an evil to his family and still hopes that she will get married someday. The ending of such a romance is predictable - the unfaithful husband is irritated by his girlfriend’s insults and depression, and the connection is severed.

The second category is somewhat similar to the first, but differs in that there may not be strong love. The homewrecker decides to have an affair out of fear of loneliness, from the desire for intimacy, which worsens over the years. Usually single people do not have many acquaintances, so the choice is limited. And even if you paid attention married man, you must not miss the chance. Then the scenario repeats itself: resentment, jealousy, reproaches, the desire to get married and start a family with your loved one. Behavior is guided by the same fear of loneliness, the consequence of which is despair, loss of self-esteem, and apathy.

The third case is the most interesting. Here a beautiful person starts an affair purely for prudent reasons. This is her lifestyle. She is confident, self-sufficient and smart. He throws himself into a love pool because he is looking for excitement and adrenaline. These people are called bitches or careerists; their immediate plans do not include marriage. She is interested in the victim, which she chooses herself, and then achieves her goal by all means. Having achieved, such a lady values ​​relationships. She does not try to make her lover her husband and wants the relationship to remain secret. Such a woman knows how to part beautifully. When she feels that her partner’s interest is fading, she can offer to end the relationship herself, thanking him for a good time.