Friends, this is not an article of an applied nature. There are no specifics here and step by step instructions how to find happiness. The article is the author’s reflections without any claim to originality or genius. Low expectations are the key to restful sleep. :)
Introduction
My friends are divided into two camps: while some are willing to share their experience and give wise advice about how to get married, others sigh that there are no normal men left in this world.
You know, if I personally didn’t know these thoroughly beautiful girls from a group of disappointed people, I could safely assume that they overpriced themselves or did not leave a chance for normal guys. But it seems that the matter is different.
Maybe some girls just tend to notice the wrong men? We fall in love with the wrong people, and then we ourselves suffer and cry at night. Yes, of course, there are not the simplest situations in life. But, to be honest, it doesn’t happen that one person is to blame.
Where to find a normal guy
Well, okay, “one day you took it and grew up. I understood and accepted that you like pompous assholes. But you get tired of this too. Any drama, even the most florid one, sometimes gets boring, and you want something normal and real. And here a reasonable question arises: where and how to find a normal guy?
If there was some kind of magical place, some kind of place where all normal men would be hidden, then, probably, the girls would already be lining up worse than for clothes from the new H&M collection with some famous designer. Girls who graduated from the courses of the guru of women's practices Pavel Rakov would definitely be brought there on special buses, and all the broken hearts would be sent for forced rehabilitation.
Alas, there is no such place of concentrated male power. Well, or I don’t know about him. It is clear that all key life meetings always occur completely randomly and unpredictably. But here is a simple applied question: is it possible to increase this probability artificially?
Girlish thoughts out loud
I went among the people (on Telegram) and wrote to my friends asking them to tell me where they generally met and looked for non-random connections. The girls’ reaction was funny: from “Well, we communicated normally, An, why are you starting” to “Very difficult question. I’ve never met anyone who’s normal.” A friend summed it up, writing: “Oh, Anh, normal guys are an endangered species.”
Among the popular answers to the question of where to meet, if you are very lucky, were university, work, interest clubs, car services, sports clubs, friendly parties, bars and cafes. One friend suggested that Romeo could safely stand guard at some fashionable intellectual parties, although the girl herself admitted that she “doesn’t work yet.”
Places vs lifehacks
So what can help you meet a normal dude?
1. Dream of meeting HIM. Be disappointed and don't expect anything
It is very important to live with the thought that somewhere in this huge world there is definitely HE, with whom you feel fun, comfortable, free and cool, like with friends. At the same time, there is no idealization of the world here. We all always fall in love with the wrong people, and many girls are more afraid of falling in love than guys. In life, everything probably comes when you let go. You will be disappointed in everything and stupidly score, not expecting anything.
Usually they shoot just the most amazing stories when I’m not even sure that he will call back after the date.
In general, you just need to believe that one day you will meet someone with whom you can be yourself. The one who loves your friends. The one with whom you can breathe easily. And if you’ve already met him, he won’t let you leave (read: don’t let him go for anything). At the same time, special emphasis is placed on the fact that it is advisable to be disappointed in everything and not wait before the cherished meeting. Just live, and then, you see, the prince is on the horizon.
2. Visualize
giphy.com If you don’t know where are you going, you might end up somewhere else.
The main idea: in order to find something, we need to clearly know what we are actually looking for. They say that visualization is something that really works.
So, girls, you need to really tune in to the right zen and imagine the one you want to be with, what you ultimately want from him. You imagine all the important qualities of the betrothed, but, most importantly, not from the opposite, that is, without any “not” particles. For example, if you want a tall brunette, ask for a tall brunette, and not “not a blonde of average height, the main thing is that he is not very short.” Only real qualities, without negativity and denial. And then you write all this on a piece of paper and send a message to the Universe, which will definitely not let you down. Yes, it may take her some time to find the guy of her dreams. But Moscow, you know, was not built right away.
The most important thing: don’t get confused in the readings, girls! We ask for the same thing, we say it out loud, otherwise the Universe will get confused.
Another life hack: sometimes it’s useful to ask friends to introduce you to someone, well, to test the charm. The main thing is not to be friends: it doesn’t work. Just guy friends.
3. Don't be afraid to take the first step
It's funny that there are two diametrically opposed opinions on this matter. One friend (married and raising a son) has long been urging everyone and me to forget about social conventions and says that, in fact, in her life situation She took the first step, and she doesn’t regret anything. Another friend (not married, no boyfriend) recently came to the conclusion that all her first steps did not lead to anything good.
I do not have a personal significant record of first steps to judge their success. But, I admit, I myself was always afraid to take the first step. It seemed that if the guy doesn’t do it himself, then he probably doesn’t need it. Why should I offer something that he potentially doesn’t need? My mother always told me: “Never ask for anything, everyone will come and give it themselves.” So: they won’t give it.
Girls, maybe you, like me, live with the philosophy of a proud heron, and normal guys don’t even realize that we might like them?
4. Sign up for Tinder already
Don’t forget that many guys are also tormented by the question: where to find a normal girl? And, as my statistics of guy friends show, many of the quite normal dudes register for general fun. What if you are the one with whom you not only have fun, but also happily ever after?
And so you dreamed, visualized, realized that the first step is not scary. Come on, act! Forward to the barricades!
And yes, I wouldn’t believe it myself if the number of “met on Tinder - happy together for 2, 3, years” stories among my own acquaintances had not grown exponentially. Important: Tinder is an example of an easy way to get dates. It doesn't matter where you find them, what matters is that you go to them at all.
A reasonable question: can something normal come out of dating on the Internet? I’ll answer with the words of my friend Christina’s American uncle, who recently wrote on my Facebook wall and instantly became a favorite of my friends:
Majority modern girls have already found their happiness, having met a worthy life partner: having got married, they created stable family relationships, gave birth to beautiful babies.
Happy married couples are considered the standard of genuine fidelity and reliable support. However, for many, creating their own family nest remains a pipe dream.
Single women ask: how to find a man for Serious relationships and why haven’t they met their soul mate to this day?
Why am I alone?
A serious relationship with a man may not work out for at least two reasons. The first concerns the issues of directly finding a suitable life partner.
The second, as a rule, implies a situation where a potential husband has already been found, but he does not want to go to the registry office yet.
Let's consider the first situation. How to find a man to start a family?
What should it be like?
In order to meet that same person, experienced psychologists It is recommended to follow this method:
- Model the image of your future husband in your thoughts. Decide who exactly you see yourself with. Mentally emphasize which main qualities and properties are inherent in your chosen one and which are not: visualize appearance and character.
- The next step is to write down the desired qualities on a piece of paper. First comes external data, then character.
- Cross off the list of qualities that are mutually exclusive. For example, “my husband is a workaholic” and “he devotes all his time to his family.” Decide what you want more: stable material wealth or caring husband sitting at home.
- Don't forget to think about other aspects of your future relationship.: intellectual level compatibility, work, intimate relationships, position regarding children. The last criterion is considered for many couples to be one of the main conditions for starting a family.
Often, representatives of the fair sex, when asked how to find a man for a woman with a child, doubt the success of the enterprise.
They are, of course, aware that many men treat their step-children well. However, as a rule, a single mother is worried that her chosen one will not be one of them.
When a man appears on the horizon who will “give you goosebumps,” try to approach his assessment sensibly, no matter how unromantic it may sound. Compare whether he actually meets the criteria of an “ideal husband.”
If this man suits you in all respects, another job begins: building a relationship. There are various mistakes along the way.
By the way, this also applies to the case mentioned above. When you already have the man of your dreams, but for some reason you can’t get him into a serious relationship.
Are your intentions serious?!
Psychologists have long concluded: any person has the habit of pushing the people around him to perform the actions most desirable for him. If there are doubts on your part about starting a family with this particular man, then this means: either disbelief in a happy outcome, or fear of being loved.
In this case, the attitude towards you will be as follows: the man is at a decent distance from you and does not plan serious intentions. How to change this situation?
- Rule of Faith. Try to believe that this man is yours new love. Many women are afraid of getting burned again; they think that a new relationship will not bring them happiness, much less a prosperous family, so they subconsciously avoid men who may well turn out to be reliable and reliable. loving husbands. Change your “mental image”: then your worldview will change.
- Rule for eliminating unnecessary things. Don't waste time on relationships that are long gone. Remember that the habits and character of an adult cannot be changed: and he will not treat you better if he has taken you for granted all this time. It’s best to immediately transfer him to the “friends” category and start preparing for new prospects: improve yourself, and don’t stand still!
- Freedom Rule. There is no need to monitor your partner around the clock: such an action will only push away a potential husband. Everyone has the right to act as they want, to do whatever they want. However, this does not mean imposing your “love”: be tolerant in the relationship.
- Rule of fidelity. A self-sufficient person will never allow himself to rush between different partners, looking for confirmation of his need and incredible attractiveness. – even if it’s emotional – it’s first of all bad for you, and only then for your loved one. Decide with whom you are truly sincere and prepare yourself only for him alone.
- Error rule. Of course, everyone has the right to make mistakes. However, anyone who has stumbled has the right to forgiveness. We can say that this is a fundamental criterion of trust. To find a man for a serious relationship, first change your personal attitude towards this issue.
As you can see, you should build a serious relationship not in illusion, but with a clear position on all the listed points. By following the above rules and being in control of the situation, you will not only meet worthy man, but you can also logically lead him (without forcing!) to start a family.
Fateful meeting...
If you are still looking for a husband, do not despair: you better get yourself in order! Where and how to find the man of your dreams? Of course, know the places they go true gentlemen: thematic exhibitions and forums, libraries and bookstores, bowling clubs or the street.
Naturally, the most convenient, but very unsafe way is to meet a man on the Internet. A variety of dating sites will offer their assistance in finding worthy candidates. To find the One, you will look through many candidates - with your “cockroaches”.
If you are a sweet and attractive girl, then do not be surprised by the unhealthy attention paid to you: a beautiful photo and distance can transform a man beyond recognition. As they say, everyone can be a hero on the Internet: be vigilant and do not succumb to perfectly created virtual illusions. The very first meeting in reality will resolve the situation.
- Get a dog: a walk with it in the park can arrange a meeting with you potential man your dreams!
- When visiting a supermarket, ask the guy you like to get you something from the top shelf.
- You can take a closer look at the candidate of the stronger sex with whom you are working on the same project.
- Healthy, self-confident - mature man can be found both in the mountains and in the water! We are, naturally, talking about lovers of mountaineering and deep-sea diving.
- Don't get your hopes up for a man who goes to nightclubs and bars. For a serious relationship, it is best to immediately dismiss such a candidate.
And the last piece of advice is to live 100%, do what you like, then you won’t have to look for a man. He will find you himself!
Eh, it's time for me to look for my other male half! I want to find the man I love to live with! Otherwise, rumors about me are spreading so much that it becomes quite unpleasant.
Some people came up with the idea that I was a lesbian. By the way, they call me by this “nickname”. And this is because I live in an apartment with her. Let's film together. Lerka has been a friend since childhood. We built castles and houses together in the sandbox, played “mothers and daughters”, “serials”, “doctors”…. And now we live together, because renting an apartment together is not as expensive as renting alone.
Some people think that I am some kind of sickly, leper. After all, “normal” people at my age should (if not have to!) have a young man. Where can I get it if I don’t see it? There are fans, there are friends. But I won’t build a relationship with a person just so that the neighbors don’t spread gossip. They will find topics for gossip in no time! I am often convinced of this.
Why should I actually worry about finding a man? To be honest, I would like everything to be like a movie script! And I’m ready to wait for this “magic” moment. But I am sure that you need to look for and do everything yourself. In general, I’m not used to expecting something from someone.
I'll tell you a secret... I don’t tell it to anyone, but I’ll tell you. When I was seven years old... I fell in love! It's probably funny for you to read, but this is the real truth and real love! He lived in the same house as me. Only at a different entrance.
We saw each other every day and walked. It was so great! Everyone teased us with “bride” and “groom”. We laughed, but gradually got used to it.
I dreamed that my happiness would be eternal. But nothing lasts forever. Petya left in the summer. In a year. I didn’t say goodbye to him because I was far abroad. I found out that he was no longer in town when I returned. I cried and didn't talk to anyone for about a month. My relatives were very afraid for me and for my condition, they asked me to humble myself. And I behaved like adult woman. I didn’t sleep, thought about him, dreamed about meetings.
Three years passed and I continued to wait. Everything calmed down in my soul. But the memories did not leave me. Lessons and games with my friends did not distract me. It felt like I was plunging into a whirlpool of “childhood madness.” She reasoned like a child prodigy, but was an ordinary child.
I would like to find Petka for me! Apparently, I love him, no matter how strange it may seem. That’s why I don’t pay attention to other guys, men. Everything will be decided by my one meeting with him. But I still need to find him to meet him!
It's impossible to find it on the Internet through everything social media, because I don’t remember his last name. Name, age, his sister's name…. All! This information is not enough for normal searches. I blame myself for not asking around when I had the opportunity. Love confuses children too!
I had men! But not those for whom I felt attraction, passion, sympathy... Love doesn't come and doesn't come. To be honest, I’m already tired of constantly changing them! By the way, this is the “trick”. When I had a search period, the old ladies and neighbors said that I lung girl behavior. When everything “calmed down” in an intimate sense, they called (and call) me “gay lady.”
I asked the cards if I would fall in love. But the cards are silent. Who else should I ask to be sure? My dad would say now: “Once you live, you’ll find out everything!” He knows perfectly well how impatient I am!
Best friend advised to contact a program (radio or television). I tried it. Waiting for an answer. Well, you need to wait a month or two, most likely. And my patience is slowly breaking.
But I will wait, like a holiday, for a response to my application. If it weren’t for the neighbors’ “attacks”! I save myself from them with headphones and very loud music. And I’ve stopped paying attention to what they’re pointing fingers at.
I had one crazy idea. Maybe I’ll implement it when it gets really bad. I’ll go somewhere and invite chance. And now, standing at the intersection, at the traffic light... We will see each other, we will not believe in such a reality, we will get closer to each other...
I wouldn't even look at the traffic light! I would run at the red light, at the cars! I miss the color of his eyes so much... Can you imagine... I remember the color! His eyes are blue, like a cloudless sky. So beautiful... Blond with blue eyes. Beautiful combination, Truth?
What will happen if I don’t meet Petenka? I will grieve and continue to search. Life doesn’t stand still, but I don’t stagnate either! Looking for…. Either my husband will have the same name and look like him, or I will name my son the same. I don't know what I'll do. Time will show me the right path... someday and with someone.
I was daydreaming. IN real world it’s time to come back, act, make decisions…. I have a strange feeling that I will meet my soulmate. Let's see what happens.
A friend told how she met her husband. She went out onto the balcony to sunbathe, and Roma saw her and asked to visit her. Well done! So brave! There are few men of this kind (in our time!).
Oh, my body is not as gorgeous as Svetlana’s! She is so beautiful, fit, slender. I go to the gym (or do gymnastics at home) so that I won’t be ashamed of showing my body. ABOUT! And there I can meet my “prince”! I'm kind of stuck, however...
I'll tell you another mini story about the lengths to which my friend (Lenka) went to find a man. She dyed her hair bright - pink color and started going to football! It’s difficult to “imagine” her, but I saw her personally, so I confirm. I wouldn’t dare do this myself. Although…. If only solely because of a reason for new gossip!
I started writing a letter to Petka. I won't send it. Reason: I don’t know the address! I put so much tenderness into every line, as if I were telling him everything directly to his face, and not writing: “Hello, dear! Long time no see. How are you doing? I miss you incredibly, my blue-eyed sun! Aren't you surprised that I remember the color of your eyes? It’s impossible to forget your eyes, dear...” I re-read what I write. I understand that he may be married man, but this fact does not stop me! I want... my beloved man!
Switch things up. . .
I want to find a man to live with. -
We live in big cities, megalopolises, and sometimes only thin walls of glass and concrete separate us. But in the noise and bustle of a constantly rushing city, people, colliding with each other at every turn, find themselves separated by an abyss of loneliness and an abyss of misunderstanding. Where can a woman find a man if we have learned to keep boundaries in communication and not let other people get close? We clearly differentiate - we have friendly communication with this person, and this one is just a work colleague, and that one is an intrusive casual acquaintance that we need to get rid of.
How to find a man for a relationship? How to understand that this is your man? How to build a relationship for more than just one day? The answer is given by training " System-vector psychology» Yuri Burlan.
Where to find a man for a relationship?
Even today, some people are lucky enough to meet their fate at the next desk at school or university. Or meet a man based on common interests or a joint project. And if this does not happen, there is nothing easier than finding a man to date on the Internet. However, how often do real couples develop this way?
If you meet in real life, then it is not a fact that attraction will arise between you. And if it does arise, then where is the guarantee that passion and love will not go away in three years? After all, besides attraction, there is something more, something that keeps us close to each other long years. Sensuality, trust, intellectual connection, mutual understanding and emotional connection in a couple. This is what, as a rule, is missing for those who quickly get divorced or do not get together at all. After all, attraction does not guarantee the development of relationships if partners do not make conscious efforts to create sensual, emotional connection.
In this sense, online dating can be promising if you do not immediately meet a person in reality, but first communicate with him, learn about his habits, his interests, and his life. Then gradually this emotional connection is formed between you, which is the basis for a long-term serious relationship.
It's hard to find a man
In fact, there is nothing easier than finding a man. All the difficulties are in a woman’s head. She may think that she is not attractive enough or feel embarrassed to meet a man. Of course, in modern world a woman must take care of herself, however, as explained at Yuri Burlan’s training, It is not external beauty that will help a woman find and attract a man, but her inner state of joy and happiness. If you want to become self-confident and attractive, come to the “System-Vector Psychology” training, get rid of resentment and irritation, anger and apathy.
In addition, another problem may be that, having a bad relationship experience, a woman finds it difficult to find a new man because she can no longer trust as much as before, which means she cannot build a sincere relationship. And if this is not a relationship built on trust, then why bother? So she remains alone, and time goes on and on. In addition, a woman may think that at her age all good men are already taken, and then she may worry about finding a single man.
In fact, if a woman wants to find a man, this can be done at any age, the main thing is to know exactly who you need!
Find a man: what kind of man do you want to find?
Each woman has her own criteria for what kind of man she needs. Someone wants to find handsome man. Someone smart. Someone needs the rich and wealthy. And someone is thinking about how to easily find a good man- honest and decent. Understanding what kind of man you need for a relationship will in itself help in your search. It's always easier to search when you know what you want. The “System-Vector Psychology” training helps you understand your desires and understand what kind of man you need - who is right for you as a partner and with whom you will have a successful relationship. And most importantly, you will know how to find the approach to the man you need.
How to find and keep a worthy man: can a psychologist help?
Often a woman in the modern world relies on the help of a psychologist in solving her life problems. Not a single psychologist will help you with advice on how to find a man, precisely because every woman has her own ideas about what kind of man she needs. Moreover, it is a big mistake for a woman to discuss her relationship with a man with a psychologist or even with her mother, because in this case she forms an emotional connection with the psychologist, and not with the man. “He’s not like that!” - the woman complains and catches sympathy in the eyes of the psychologist, who immediately offers her options on how to behave with him. Such a relationship with a psychologist, mother or girlfriend is always a relationship to the detriment of an emotional connection with a man.
So, if you want to find a man for life - no psychologist! Choose only with your heart and trust only it! And if you are sure that this is the man you need, then do not be afraid to discuss with him thorny issues your relationship. Don't try to round the corners: only by identifying the problem can you find a solution.
Unlike the advice of a psychologist, after completing the “System-Vector Psychology” training, you yourself will understand how to find and conquer a worthy man.
Help me find a man! Frankly about the most important things
I need a friend. A true friend. Not the one who will do me a favor by listening to the sudden flow of my revelations, not the one who will sit and nod wisely, considering me a complete fool, and not the one who will look at his watch every minute, remembering what he needs to do. mom. I need a person who will accept me with all my shortcomings. Who will be there when my temperature rises to 40 degrees. He will bring me aspirin and shift the pillow when my back gets numb. I need someone who will understand my pain, who will hear the beat of my heart. Who will not run away from me at the slightest difficulty. Who doesn’t say: “It’s all your fault.”
I need someone who will truly value the relationship. I want to find a friend, not just a man. Find someone with whom I will always be interested. With whom you can talk about all sorts of little things and not be embarrassed to say something stupid. Someone I can walk with in the rain, holding hands, and cuddle with my whole body if I suddenly get cold.
With whom I don’t have to care about how I look - who will accept me in faded jeans and a loose sweater, which is so comfortable for walking in nature. Who will eat what I cook with love and tell me: “I want more!”
Who won’t mutter under his breath that I’m a mess again and find fault with little things. I'm too tired of those who need something from me, but don't need me. How can I find the man of my dreams with whom I will always feel good?
Today, people are tired of short-lived relationships that lead nowhere. Women are wondering how to find a man for a serious relationship and maintain a legal marriage in the era of trialists.
A long term relationship It is possible to build only on trust in a man. A woman seeks mutual understanding and support in a relationship with a man. He wants to open up to him his inner world, into which the first person he meets cannot be allowed into. But where to find a man for a serious relationship?
Be prepared for the fact that meeting the man of your dreams can happen at any moment. Don't deny yourself the pleasure of going somewhere with friends. And take a closer look at the men around you, perhaps you have already found him, you just don’t know about it yet. After all, building real relationships takes time.
Don't be afraid to be sincere in your feelings, words and actions! When you meet that same man, it is important to know that a couple's relationship begins with the woman's desire. It is she who begins to create an emotional connection, and the man picks up the baton and strives to do something good for her. Don’t be shy to show concern for your partner, because this will strengthen your feelings! And talking about what is interesting to you and what is interesting to him will gradually lead you to a greater degree of frankness, and then you can talk about your childhood, about dreams, about what you want in a relationship and what he wants. This will help you get to know each other better.
Regarding numerous questions from women: where to find a serious man? - you might think that a serious man- This is a rare endangered species. However, deep down, almost every man desires this long-term serious relationship. After all, we are created monogamous and only when paired with the only woman a man will be able to reveal the full depth of mutual feelings.
Is it possible to find a man: I want it, so I can
The training “System-vector psychology” by Yuri Burlan helps a woman understand herself at any stage of a relationship with a man: understand her inner desires and needs, understand what kind of man she needs, how to attract him and how to build an emotional connection with him - the basis for serious trusting relationships.
“...We have now been married for several months. Every time I think that our feelings are so deep and strong that there is nowhere else to go, but they still become stronger and stronger. How can you describe this in words? I don't know…
Is it possible to express happiness from the fact that there is a person nearby with whom you consciously want to be together always? Is it possible to describe that feeling when you want to wake up every morning because he is nearby? With us, I and You cease to exist more and more, and WE arise more and more. Such mutual openness, trust, closeness, community, understanding, like-mindedness, which I have always dreamed of, became possible only thanks to the systemic knowledge received at Yuri Burlan’s training... I sincerely wish everyone to gain harmonious relationships, and now I know that this is not a miracle and not fate. This is possible for everyone!..”
Yulia A., head of sales department, Rostov-on-Don
The article was written using materials from Yuri Burlan’s online training “System-vector psychology”
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Every woman dreams of finding her soul mate. Some people succeed without difficulty, but others have to try. If you haven't met your man yet, you should stop sitting and waiting. We need to act, because men love brave and self-sufficient women.
The second is the ability to speak. And we are talking not only about competent and correct speech - this goes without saying. But you need to know other techniques. So, for example, the pace of speech should be unhurried and calm, so that the man listens to every word. As for topics, it is better to choose neutral ones - art, sports, hobbies, mutual friends, etc. You should avoid issues of politics, religion, the past, personal life, health.
Body language is equally important. You need to watch your movements and use them to create a favorable impression. To show your interest, you should lean towards the man during a conversation. In addition, in this position the chest and neck stand out favorably. The game also helps to attract a man’s attention to yourself.
