Friends, this is not an article of an applied nature. There are no specifics here and step by step instructions how to find happiness. The article is the author’s reflections without any claim to originality or genius. Low expectations are the key to restful sleep. :)
Introduction
My friends are divided into two camps: while some are willing to share their experience and give wise advice about how to get married, others sigh that there are no normal men left in this world.
You know, if I personally didn’t know these thoroughly beautiful girls from a group of disappointed people, I could safely assume that they overpriced themselves or did not leave a chance for normal guys. But it seems that the matter is different.
Maybe some girls just tend to notice the wrong men? We fall in love with the wrong people, and then we ourselves suffer and cry at night. Yes, of course, there are not the simplest situations in life. But, to be honest, it doesn’t happen that one person is to blame.
Where to find a normal guy
Well, okay, “one day you took it and grew up. I understood and accepted that you like pompous assholes. But you get tired of this too. Any drama, even the most florid one, sometimes gets boring, and you want something normal and real. And here a reasonable question arises: where and how to find a normal guy?
If there was some kind of magical place, some kind of place where all normal men would be hidden, then, probably, the girls would already be lining up worse than for clothes from the new H&M collection with some famous designer. Girls who graduated from the courses of the guru of women's practices Pavel Rakov would definitely be brought there on special buses, and all the broken hearts would be sent for forced rehabilitation.
Alas, there is no such place of concentrated male power. Well, or I don’t know about him. It is clear that all key life meetings always occur completely randomly and unpredictably. But here is a simple applied question: is it possible to increase this probability artificially?
Girlish thoughts out loud
I went to the people (on Telegram) and wrote to my friends asking them to tell me where they generally met and looked for non-random connections. The girls’ reaction was funny: from “Well, we communicated normally, An, why are you starting” to “Very difficult question. I’ve never met anyone who’s normal.” A friend summed it up, writing: “Oh, Anh, normal guys are an endangered species.”
Among the popular answers to the question of where to meet, if you are very lucky, were university, work, interest clubs, car services, sport sections, friendly parties, bars and cafes. One friend suggested that Romeo could safely stand guard at some fashionable intellectual parties, although the girl herself admitted that she “doesn’t work yet.”
Places vs lifehacks
So what can help you meet a normal dude?
1. Dream of meeting HIM. Be disappointed and don't expect anything
It is very important to live with the thought that somewhere in this huge world there is definitely HE, with whom you feel fun, comfortable, free and cool, like with friends. At the same time, there is no idealization of the world here. We all always fall in love with the wrong people, and many girls are more afraid of falling in love than guys. In life, everything probably comes when you let go. You will be disappointed in everything and stupidly score, not expecting anything.
Usually they shoot just the most amazing stories when I’m not even sure that he will call back after the date.
In general, you just need to believe that one day you will meet someone with whom you can be yourself. The one who loves your friends. The one with whom you can breathe easily. And if you’ve already met him, he won’t let you leave (read: don’t let him go for anything). At the same time, special emphasis is placed on the fact that it is advisable to be disappointed in everything and not wait before the cherished meeting. Just live, and then, you see, the prince is on the horizon.
2. Visualize
giphy.com If you don’t know where are you going, you might end up somewhere else.
The main idea: in order to find something, we need to clearly know what we are actually looking for. They say that visualization is something that really works.
So, girls, you need to really tune in to the right zen and imagine the one you want to be with, what you ultimately want from him. You imagine all the important qualities of the betrothed, but, most importantly, not from the opposite, that is, without any “not” particles. For example, if you want a tall brunette, ask for a tall brunette, and not “not a blonde of average height, the main thing is that he is not very short.” Only real qualities, without negativity and denial. And then you write all this on a piece of paper and send a message to the Universe, which will definitely not let you down. Yes, it may take her some time to find the guy of her dreams. But Moscow, you know, was not built right away.
The most important thing: don’t get confused in the readings, girls! We ask for the same thing, we say it out loud, otherwise the Universe will get confused.
Another life hack: sometimes it’s useful to ask friends to introduce you to someone, well, to test the charm. The main thing is not to be friends: it doesn’t work. Just guy friends.
3. Don't be afraid to take the first step
It's funny that there are two diametrically opposed opinions on this matter. One friend (married and raising a son) has long been urging everyone and me to forget about social conventions and says that, in fact, in her life situation She took the first step, and she doesn’t regret anything. Another friend (not married, no boyfriend) recently came to the conclusion that all her first steps did not lead to anything good.
I do not have a personal significant record of first steps to judge their success. But, I admit, I myself was always afraid to take the first step. It seemed that if the guy doesn’t do it himself, then he probably doesn’t need it. Why should I offer something that he potentially doesn’t need? My mother always told me: “Never ask for anything, everyone will come and give it themselves.” So: they won’t give it.
Girls, maybe you, like me, live with the philosophy of a proud heron, and normal guys don’t even realize that we might like them?
4. Sign up for Tinder already
Don’t forget that many guys are tormented in the same way by the question: where to find a normal girl? And, as my statistics of guy friends show, many of the quite normal dudes register for general fun. What if you are the one with whom you not only have fun, but also happily ever after?
And so you dreamed, visualized, realized that the first step is not scary. Come on, act! Forward to the barricades!
And yes, I wouldn’t believe it myself if the number of “met on Tinder - happy together for 2, 3, years” stories among my own acquaintances had not grown exponentially. Important: Tinder is an example of an easy way to get dates. It doesn't matter where you find them, what matters is that you go to them at all.
A reasonable question: can something normal come out of dating on the Internet? I’ll answer with the words of my friend Christina’s American uncle, who recently wrote on my Facebook wall and instantly became a favorite of my friends:
IN modern world people relate to non-standard relationships tolerant. If 10 years ago the relationship between two young people of the same sex caused a shock, today this will not surprise anyone. And what to hide, such couples have existed at all times. It’s just that nowadays, with open access to the media and the absence of censorship as such in many areas of life, people of non-traditional orientation do not hide, but show their feelings more openly and liberated.
But regardless of orientation, gender and time, the issue of meeting and finding your other half is always relevant. But answering it for most people is still a little easier than, for example, deciding where. This is exactly what we will try to find out in this article.
What attracts men to each other?
First of all, it is important to note that same-sex relationships are not a perversion, but a feature of a particular person. Some scientists even argue that a change in attraction to opposite sex is laid in utero. And if some disruption occurs in the development of the fetus and the center of attraction is affected, the orientation changes to same-sex.
We can say that sympathy between guys is determined by nature. They are attracted to each other on a physiological level.
But, of course, there are other reasons why this or that young man likes guys:
- Socio-psychological factors. Namely, the role of the family in establishing interests in a particular gender, as well as the direction of family education.
- Behavioral aspects. Most often this is a bad experience with a partner of the opposite sex.
How can a guy attract the guy he likes?
As in any relationship, attraction between guys can come suddenly, or perhaps appear after a fairly long period of time. And just as in standard relationships, some young people prefer to hope for a miracle. And others do not sit idly by, actively moving towards their goal, solving the problem: “Where can I find a handsome guy?”
In order to attract an object that evokes sympathy, you first need to look presentable. After all, no matter what, people are always greeted by their clothes. Stylish clothes, fashion footwear, hair styling, well-groomed face and manicure will definitely attract attention.
And after that you can turn on all your charm and wit. A sense of humor and some non-standard knowledge will help intrigue even the most seemingly unapproachable guy.
It remains to solve the main problem - where to find a guy for a guy. Let's look at the most popular options.
Standard places for dating
- Specialized clubs for gays. In any, even the smallest town, you can find establishments that are focused only on the male contingent and their goal is precisely to solve the question: where to find a gay guy.
- Search among friends, at friendly parties. Often guys don't stand out at all from other people. Thus, communicating in noisy company, there is a high probability that one of the handsome men will be exactly the man that a young gay man needs.
- At swingers' parties. Specially organized events for meetings and acquaintances of people of non-traditional sexual orientation. They usually take place in country clubs, private apartments, and saunas. It is worth noting that most often people who come to such meetings are looking for If you are in the mood for a serious, long-term relationship, it is better to look more carefully. Perhaps even in unusual places.
Unusual places for dating
When wondering where to find a guy, the places discussed above give a pretty big guarantee of finding the guy of your dreams. But if, after visiting specialized meetings and events, the gay prince has not yet been found, then you should approach the task outside the box.
First, you should determine what similar interests and hobbies a potential partner might have. If this is painting, then it is worth attending various exhibitions and master classes. If this is literature, then you can try going to a literary club or to a creative meeting of an author. Especially if the author writes on topics that can attract people with non-traditional orientation.
Don't forget about sports. It's no secret that gay guys for the most part take care of their bodies, and for this they attend the gym, swimming pool, sporting events and various courses.
The only thing that should be taken into account when meeting people in unusual places is that recognizing a gay person is much more difficult than, for example, in a specialized establishment where everything is known. But the likelihood of a long-term, permanent relationship after meeting in a non-standard place is much higher.
Online dating
Nowadays, probably one of the simplest and available ways where you can find a guy is the Internet. Every user, even the most insecure, is fully capable of taking advantage of this opportunity.
Where to look?
- First of all, you need to turn to search engines - they will help you find specialized dating sites. There are places to look for different relationships - only intimate, long-term and even friendly.
- A large number of gays actively use social networks. Often their profiles are open and can also be found in groups a large number of gay dating ads.
- Forums, chats, websites and even blogs will help a guy find a guy.
- Recently, dating apps for smartphones have become popular. They are easy to use and very functional.
The Internet especially helps modest, shy or insecure young men who are looking for a boyfriend. It gives you the opportunity to open up and get to know each other before meeting. But there is also a danger of stumbling upon deception. For safe dating and communication on the Internet, it is better to use Skype or video chat.
Continuation of acquaintance
After the question of where to find has been resolved and a partner has been found, you can move on to the next stage - continuing the acquaintance.
- First meeting and first date. This stage is very important, since it is the first impression that will be the foundation for the further development of the relationship. Naturally, there is a need for dates if this is the format of the relationship. For a meeting, you can choose a closed terrace of a restaurant, the last screening of a movie, or just a walk around the city. It all depends on the mood and imagination of the partners.
- Instead of a standard date, healthy rendezvous is quite suitable. Based on the options described above, where to find nice guy, you can choose a swimming pool or a gym. It’s worth continuing acquaintance and communication there. Among other things, it is useful and interesting.
- The transition to the stage of closer relationships is decided by each gay couple individually. There is an opinion that gay male couples are only interested in sex, especially hard sex. This opinion is mostly wrong and in fact, many couples do without rough intimate relationships.
- Stability. Having decided to meet a guy and having decided where to find a guy, the main thing is not to deviate from your goal. Systematically and purposefully visit sites, parties and places where you can meet your destiny.
- Honesty. When dating a guy in any way, it is important to honestly voice your goals. And also, you shouldn’t embellish information about yourself too much because, as you know, the secret always becomes clear.
- Soulfulness. Sparkling phrases funny stories from life, undoubtedly, they attract and attract the future chosen one.
No matter how or where a guy meets a guy, it must be a bright, memorable event. And even if the acquaintance does not continue, the meeting and communication itself should leave only pleasant memories.
When we are alone, we constantly blame ourselves for this. In ignorance of the psychology of the opposite sex, in one’s own shyness, and also in laziness. Not having a good partner certainly makes life difficult and disruptive. normal development and being in harmony with yourself. Support, both financial and moral, is important for each of us, otherwise, this begins a huge number of internal problems, which become increasingly difficult to deal with over time.
So what can you do to find a guy without spending a lot of effort and making big sacrifices? Let's look at a few tips:
- Stop being shy. After all, by making an acquaintance first, you don’t attract the guy, you interest him in you. You must understand what kind of person is in front of you, find out about his interests. Based on this, you can not get acquainted. This could be your classmate, your acquaintance or work colleague. You shouldn't impose. You just have to pay attention to yourself.
- If you are still shy, try to find mutual friends - after all, the world is so small! Let them introduce you to each other or introduce you in absentia. The main thing is that in this case everything should look completely innocent, as if you had nothing to do with it at all. And when meeting, take matters into your own hands - flirt and interest the guy you like.
- In a situation where you just want a strong shoulder and support, but no one around you can interest you enough, try going to popular places. For example, a gym or martial arts lessons, attend exhibitions with a male theme, etc. But do not forget that with a successful combination of circumstances and subsequent acquaintance, you will either have to share interests or explain to your new passion what you were looking for in this place.
- Nobody canceled nightclubs. Try to get out at least a couple of times a month good places to show yourself and the world to see. Nobody knows - maybe your significant other is sitting at the next table.
- Beach or pool. You can, having noticed a cute young man, pretend you need help and are in trouble. For example, that you are dizzy or your leg is cramped and no one, no one except him will help you. This will flatter your cute guy and perhaps give a boost to the relationship. And you will laugh at a funny incident in the future. Just don’t overdo it in this situation so as not to look ridiculous.
- Try to meet people on vacation. What about a long distance relationship? interesting idea. Maybe your passionate admirer from another city or country wants to move in with you, or invites you to move in with him. But be careful - among foreigners there may be many scammers who, as they say, will cheat and abandon you.
- If you are young and attractive, and you don’t want to kill your beauty at work, you need a wealthy man. But you will also have to live up to it. Try going to more expensive establishments. After all, it is not at all necessary to order a full meal every time - you can sip a cup of coffee and read a book or correspond with friends, while looking at ease. If you are still too lazy to go to such establishments, or you are worried that you may not comply with the dress code, a website for finding a sponsor will help you - www.soderjanki.ru.
- Online dating is a fairly common thing. The only negative is that you cannot be sure that this is exactly the person in the avatar that he claims to be. Therefore, when meeting on the Internet, for example, www.mamba.ru, ask to send additional photos in private messages.
In fact, in the digital era, we transfer all our activities to the Internet - we study, work, communicate. So why not try to get acquainted with his help? Maybe it is on these sites that someone who will give you the joy of life and hide you from adversity is waiting for you. That is why you need to use all possible methods for dating. Otherwise, you can easily miss your destiny. You never know how close she is to you.
The main rules when meeting a guy on the Internet:
- Make sure it's his profile - his photos, his phone number.
- Ask his virtual friends how he lives, what his interests are. But keep it all a secret and go ahead and interest them.
- Be careful not to fall in love ahead of time. When meeting a person in person, he may disappoint you even with the timbre of his voice. Therefore, sympathize, but keep your emotions under control until a certain time.
- If you find yourself in a situation where your new friend asks for a loan or he suddenly finds himself in a situation where he urgently owes a large amount of money, do not help him. There is a 98% chance that this is a scammer. A man who is determined to be the boss in a relationship will never ask for solutions to his problems.
Have a good meeting, and let it grow into something more!
Everyone’s idea of happiness is different, as is the image ideal man for every girl. But it is precisely the lack of formalization of the requirements for the ideal that often prevents you from finding your dream. But in fact, everything is not so difficult, you just need to work a little on yourself and slightly change your life, adjust your habits and relationships. And you will succeed!
First you should decide what you really want?
This is probably the most important part. You may think you want tall, dark, with brown eyes, with good humor, emotional guy. But is this what you really want? Or is it just a stereotype that TV and Magazines have hammered into you? Don't lie to yourself, think about what you really want. Be realistic. Remember your ex-boyfriends. What were they like? Remember all your friends. Who do you think stands out? It may turn out that you like short, blue-eyed blondes.
Get out of your comfort zone.
Break your routine. You get up, get ready, go to work, come home, clean, cook and then fall asleep. The same path every day. You won't meet anyone this way. Go outside more often. Go to a movie, a bookstore, or a shopping mall. Take different paths. Go where you've never been. Maybe right where you never go, a guy will come up to you and want to get to know you. When you go for a walk, go alone. Girls in groups most often scare away guys who want to meet.
Be more sociable and smile more often. Who knows who will like your smile. Give compliments, say “hello” and “goodbye”.
Talk to people.
Make new acquaintances. The more the merrier, someone knows someone who knows someone who will like you. Communicate, eventually you will find a guy you like.
Allow yourself to be caught and seduced.
It used to be easier, hit him on the head with a club, and the seduction is over, nowadays everything is much harder. Therefore, why not allow the guy to get to know you. Even if a guy is nervous, you shouldn’t immediately say no to him, just chat, maybe he will turn out to be an excellent conversationalist. This doesn't mean you have to go on a date with him, or sleep with him, it just means that you give him a chance to try. Chat and smile.
Open your eyes, half the population are men.
But many, especially those with technical backgrounds, have communication problems. But where can you meet such people? In shops, in bars with friends. You can find it in mall, but don’t think that he will come to you first. This type is very shy, so you should take the first step.
Find new hobbies, especially group ones.
You can sign up for a theater club, or a music club, or dance lessons. It should be something you like. The more time you spend OUTSIDE the home, the more more likely that you will find yourself a boyfriend. It can happen anywhere.
You don't have to think about where and how to find a guy, you just have to think about how to create the right situation for a guy to find you. And sitting at home, you definitely won’t give him such an opportunity.
Good luck.
Gone school years, now your studies at a university or technical school are coming to an end. All my friends have already found boyfriends. Some of their peers are getting married, while others are even expecting a baby. In such a situation, the situation will begin to put pressure on the girl’s psyche, the question: “How to find a guy at 21?” - it sounds in my head simply with manic insistence. A nervous state and lack of self-confidence due to the absence of a young man force girls to make mistake after mistake. New acquaintances either do not develop into relationships, or relationships develop, but soon fall apart. Or the relationship turns out to be so difficult, and the young man behaves like a pig, that it is impossible to continue it or somehow revive it.
There are quite a lot of reasons why a girl cannot find a guy. If you can’t find a guy for a long time, as a rule, the girl regularly makes one or more mistakes.
The first mistake. Appearance
In horror, focusing on the thought: “How can I find a guy? I'm 21!". Girls dress up in the shortest skirts, put on blouses with the deepest necklines, apply “combat” makeup and try to attract attention. Without a doubt, a man first of all pays attention to a girl’s appearance. But if the girl looks easily accessible, then he will not have the idea of \u200b\u200bhaving a relationship with her romantic relationship or get to know her as a person. A man would rather consider such a girl for one night. Men often meet such girls, but the acquaintance is fleeting and does not develop into a relationship.
The other extreme is when a girl stops taking care of herself, wears strangely shaped clothes, and doesn’t keep her body clean. Then there is a very high probability that the husbands will not get acquainted at all. A man is attracted primarily by the beauty of a woman. And no matter how rich a girl’s inner world may be, few people will want to know it if its owner walks around in a stretched T-shirt two sizes too big and with an unwashed hair.
Error two. Initiative
This is the next big mistake that can ruin a budding relationship even with very good man. The girl begins to get acquainted herself. This should never be done, if a man doesn’t come up first to meet you, he doesn’t like you enough. Even if you manage to start a relationship, it will not be good enough in this case.
The girl begins to invite people for walks, call, write on social networks; the initiative in communication comes mainly from the girl. These relationships are also futile. A man should call, write, invite more often.
The other extreme is a complete lack of initiative. It happens that a man comes up to meet someone, but the girl doesn’t even try to smile at him. Or when a relationship has already begun, the lady does not show any initiative at all, never writes, does not call, the reaction to his actions is unemotional, without joy and enthusiasm. Sooner or later this will lead to a break.
What to do to meet a good guy?
Now let's figure out how to find a guy. A good one, not just any kind.
First, try to avoid the two mistakes described above. Be moderate in communication; a man should take more initiative than you. Don’t get acquainted first, it’s better to make him want to get to know you. Maintain decorum in appearance. You need to be modest, but at the same time remain beautiful.
Secondly, choose topics of conversation with your guy that will help you understand what kind of person he is. For example:
- What is honesty?
- Why is conscience needed?
- What things are acceptable in a relationship between a man and a woman and what are not.
- What are your plans.
- What are your dreams?
- What are your goals in life?
- What is respect for the opposite sex?
And the like. This is a key point in choosing the person with whom you plan to build a relationship. It is very important to find out what his values, dreams, goals are in order to understand whether it is possible to have a long-term relationship with this person.
Thirdly, do not quickly agree to intimacy. No matter how much a girl would like to find a good guy, if she already agreed to have sex on the first dates, her chances of doing so became much lower. Because it is impossible to get to know a person in the first few dates, even months of dating. And after it happened intimate relationships, leaving the wrong person turns out to be much more difficult.
Be reasonable, take in not only your heart, but also your mind, and one fine day you will have not just a guy, but the most best guy and subsequently husband.
