Women tend to live longer than their male peers. That's why so many people become widows. Most women, when their husbands leave, feel that this is especially true for wives who were very psychologically dependent on their loved one who had passed on to another world. How to cope with the death of your husband?
First of all, you need to give free rein to your emotions, and there is no norm here, every woman should cry and she needs to do this as much as she wants. One should not look for justice in determining the number of years allotted to this or that person - everything is God’s will. Often good people die young, but scoundrels live to a ripe old age. Perhaps God is simply giving bad people more time so they can improve their lives.
It is important not to close, on the contrary, call good friends and tell them that you need more attention during the first time after your husband's death. Often close people are afraid of the sight of death and begin to behave inappropriately, become embarrassed and create awkward situations. This needs to be forgiven and understood by friends, because the question “How to survive the death of your husband?” you also started asking yourself recently. Your task, after the first stage of pain has passed, is to try to find new friends. Of course, not everyone understands how to cope with the death of a loved one, especially young friends, but try to find new topics that could occupy your head and be an alternative to conversations and memories about your husband.
Your task is also to take care of another person who has passed into the world. After death, only prayer and remembrance in everything in the church can help him. A person himself cannot correct anything in the eyes of God if he has already died. But you, alive, can. If your husband has sinned a lot and was guilty before you, you should pray especially earnestly for him. In this case, only your righteous life can save him, so you need to change your life in the direction of greater spirituality so that it “counts” for both you and him.
A new day will appear on the calendar - the Day of Death, but his Birthday, Valentine's Day and the wedding date will no longer be holidays, but days of sadness. You need to prepare for them in advance by deciding what you will do on each of these days so as not to be taken by surprise.
How to cope with the death of your husband without harming your health? You need to try to change your lifestyle, you need to be especially careful with food, because many are prone to poor eating behavior after a difficult event. There are two extremes here: stop eating altogether, and eat without control. Focus on nutrition, this will allow you to get away a little from thoughts about the death of your loved one.
It is also important to rearrange your day, that is, write new routine day and try to follow it. Your day should be filled with things to do, perhaps it’s worth learning new forms of needlework. If you do something with your own hands, your mood will improve. Survive death loved one easier if you are very busy. Of course, life will not be the same as it was before, you will feel loneliness, but you definitely need to seek as much communication as possible, even though you want to lock yourself in your apartment and cry.
If you have children, be sure to seek help from them. They will understand that the mother is hurt and lonely. Ask them to see you more often, and if you already have grandchildren, you can offer more help with their care. Take them with you more often on weekends and holidays; small children distract you from gloomy thoughts and help you focus on pressing problems, and not the death of your loved one.
How to cope with the death of your husband? Accept what happened and try to keep yourself busy, seek the company of others. Here is a summary of the entire article. Of course, positive considerations that life goes on are inappropriate in this case. Yes, trouble happened, but you still have a lot of tasks left in life.
The death of a loved one is always a great tragedy. But for a woman who has buried her beloved husband, this is generally irreparable loss. After all, a husband and wife who have lived together for many years become, as it were, one whole. Long years they build their relationships, give birth and raise children, share all the joys and sorrows between them. And the death of one of them dramatically changes the life of the other.
Let's find out how a woman can survive the death of her beloved husband or help a friend survive the death of her husband. Recommendations from psychologists will help with this.
Psychologists identify five stages of grief. Every person faced with the death of a loved one goes through these stages. For some this process proceeds faster, for others slower, but everyone experiences approximately the same feelings.
- Negation. Death loved one, especially if it was sudden, always causes shock. A woman, immediately after the death of her husband, cannot believe that she has become a widow. Pain and grief deafen her, depriving her of an adequate perception of reality. At this stage, the person is in such severe shock and numbness that he even fully understands what really happened. He may not even realize who he is or where he is. Relatives are frightened by such a reaction, but it is normal in this situation.
- Anger. When the initial shock of losing her spouse wears off, the woman becomes angry. She feels that what happened to her is unfair. She feels anger and rage at herself, at fate, at the people around her. Those around her begin to irritate her with their attempts to calm her down. She feels it's unfair that other people continue to live normal lives while her life is ruined.
- Guilt. When anger and resentment pass, a person is overcome with a feeling of guilt towards the deceased. It seems to him that he could somehow prevent the death of his loved one, help in some way. The widow begins to remember all the moments when she did not pay enough attention to her husband or quarreled with him and feels guilty because of this. Often, a feeling of guilt remains in the soul of the mourner even after going through all the stages of experiencing the death of a loved one.
- Depression. After strong negative emotions subside, the person falls into a depressive state. It seems to him that life is over and there is no point in living further. Nothing makes him happy, and all his memories revolve around the deceased. At this stage, it is very important that loved ones support the person, help him cope with his experiences, and come to his senses. Although he himself may refuse help, withdraw into himself, and strive for solitude.
- Adoption. This is the last stage of grief. After some time, a person fully realizes that the deceased cannot be brought back and that he must learn to live on without him. The widow no longer grieves as much as before, she comes to terms with what happened and gradually begins to return to normal life.
How grief manifests itself
Every person is different and everyone deals with grief differently. Some get involved in vigorous activity - work, sports, other activities. They try to fill their day as much as possible so that there is no time left for gloomy thoughts.
Others turn their attention to children and close relatives, giving them their care and warmth. This helps you feel needed and important. Still others devote themselves entirely to creativity, expressing their experiences in the form of paintings, poems, and stories. And still others simply plunge into their grief, withdraw into themselves, or even worse, begin to look for consolation at the bottom of the bottle. In this case, the person needs the help of a professional psychologist or psychotherapist. Relatives should not leave a person who is inclined to drown his grief in alcohol alone.
As for physiological manifestations, being in a state of grief, a person experiences the following sensations:
- weakness, lethargy, apathy, loss of strength, reluctance to do anything;
- increase or decrease in blood pressure;
- loss of appetite or, conversely, a desire to constantly chew something; in women, cravings for flour and sweets may worsen;
- rapid heartbeat, tachycardia, pain in the heart, dizziness;
- digestive dysfunction;
- exacerbation of chronic diseases.
All these symptoms are a natural reaction to stress. Gradually they will subside, and the person will feel better. The sooner the mourner comes to his senses, the faster his condition will improve.
Psychologists say that the most important thing in this situation is not to keep emotions within yourself, not to block them, but at the same time, not to immerse yourself entirely in your grief. A woman needs to cry and go through suffering, not forgetting that life goes on and she needs to move on. To relieve pain, it is recommended to do the following:
- If you are a believer, then visit church. Light a candle for the repose of your deceased spouse, pray in front of the icon for the salvation of his soul, talk to the priest, tell him about your grief. A wise priest will definitely find words of support and encouragement for you.
- If religion is alien to you, then seek help from a psychologist. Don't be shy - psychologists often work with bereaved patients, so they understand exactly what you're going through.
- There are special sites and forums on the Internet where people who are experiencing the death of a loved one communicate. Be sure to visit such sites, talk to people, especially women who are left alone after the death of their spouse. Support from people who are in the same position as you will help you cope with the loss easier and recover faster.
- Take a course in yoga, meditation, holotropic breathwork, or other spiritual practices. There you will be taught relaxation and control. negative emotions.
- Do charity work. When you are immersed in your own experiences, you do not notice the problems of other people. Look around and you will see people who have it worse than you. These are homeless people, cancer patients, children abandoned by their parents. Sign up for organizations that help disadvantaged people or homeless animals, and help them to the best of your ability. Helping others is one of the best ways to ease the pain of your own loss.
- Pay more attention to children. If you have children, direct all your love towards them. After all, it is also difficult for them to experience the death of their beloved father. Sharing grief will bring you closer together and you will feel less alone.
- Don't isolate yourself. Having survived acute stage While grieving, gradually return to your normal life. Communicate with people, do not refuse to meet with friends, do not stay alone for a long time. This will help you take your mind off your worries.
- Find something you love to do. A hobby or passion is a good way to cope with grief. Find a new activity that really excites you. It can be anything: drawing, needlework, gardening, growing indoor plants, breeding aquarium fish, music and much more. The main thing is that you enjoy the work, bring pleasure and relaxation.
- Support healthy image life. Severe stress negatively affects a person’s physical condition. Mental experiences cause various ailments, weakness, lack of strength and energy. To overcome this condition, try to lead a healthy lifestyle. Walk on fresh air, get enough sleep, engage in moderate physical activity. If you suffer from insomnia, melancholy, or anxiety, ask your doctor to prescribe you a sedative or use folk remedies.
- Write a letter to your deceased spouse. If you feel that you didn’t have time to tell your loved one something and it’s tormenting you, use the technique recommended by psychologists - write a letter to the deceased. Put on paper all your feelings, all the words that you wanted to tell him but didn’t say, pour out all your emotions. Re-read the letter, then burn it and scatter the ashes, imagining your message going straight to your loved one. After this procedure you will definitely feel better. This may need to be repeated several times until you feel the pain of the loss gradually subsiding.
Do not try to return to normal life immediately after the funeral - this is impossible. Give yourself time to grieve, but do not drag out this period for too long and try not to plunge headlong into your grief. Remember that now the pain from the loss is felt most acutely, but time will pass and the feelings will subside, and you will begin to live again and build your life further and will even be able to start a new relationship.
The death of a family member is always an extreme psychological overload. Especially if it happened suddenly: murder, suicide, accident. It is impossible to prepare for the death of a loved one, but death as a result of a long, serious illness is not perceived as acutely as a sudden loss. A psychologist's advice on how to survive the death of a husband will help those who are ready to work on themselves, their condition and really want to get back to life.
You can recover from any psychological trauma. It all depends on time and desire. The advice of a specialist will seem impossible if the widow or widower sees no other way but suffering and remains captive to grief.
Stages of coming to terms with the death of a beloved spouse
The first piece of advice: the death of a loved one must be accepted, having gone through all the stages of understanding the tragedy that has occurred.
- Pain. The news of death arrived. Characteristics of the stage: impact, shock. Too much is lost in one second: support, protection, support, love. It is difficult to fully comprehend such news.
- Negation. Depending on the circumstances, this stage may come immediately after the first. If there are hassles associated with the funeral, organization, notification of friends, colleagues, relatives, then pain and denial merge into one stage. However, there are times when news comes from afar: for example, a spouse died during a business trip or while performing a combat operation in a hot spot. From the moment of receiving information until confirmation of the fact of death, the widow consoles herself with hopes: “What if this is a mistake?”, “Maybe they messed something up?”, “This could not happen to me, to us!”, “Anyone, but not we!".
- Aggression. A stage that comes later. When the fact of death is confirmed, the funeral has taken place, the widow will feel angry. This is a mandatory acceptance phase. The psyche is looking for a fulcrum, a reason for what happened, so that questions do not hang in the air. Those who have lost loved ones are looking for the culprits, they are angry at the world: those who did not save, those who remain happy, those who continue to enjoy life. If a person does not find someone to blame, aggression rushes inward: “It’s my fault!”, “If I had done it differently, he would be alive!”
- Depression. The longest stage. The understanding comes that the changes are irreversible, it is impossible to return to the old life. Living without a loved one is boring and unbearable. No joy or interest. Regardless, every widower or widow goes through this period. Melancholic and choleric people cope more difficultly, sanguine and phlegmatic people cope somewhat easier.
- Adoption. A stage that inevitably comes to everyone. Only the time frame remains individual: some people complete it in three to four months, others need a year or a year and a half. According to psychologists, optimally the entire period should take about a year. You cannot leave the problem open and refuse to experience all stages. Direct aggression towards yourself, replace depression with fun, attempts to forget yourself in someone else's arms or alcohol. Each stage must be completed. Acceptance is expressed in the understanding: there is no turning back, the person is gone forever, but life goes on. There are still many reasons to live on, to love, to give others and yourself positive emotions.
Friends and relatives should not distance themselves from the widower, hiding behind the thoughts “He is strong. He can handle it himself." The most difficult time in the life of those who have experienced loss begins a month after death. Condolences subside, those around you are less and less eager to help and support. A widower or widow is left alone with the problem of how to survive the death of a loved one. The advice of a psychologist becomes necessary precisely during this period.
How to cope with grief after the death of your beloved husband?
The first months after the loss are spent getting used to the new conditions. The main thing is not to dwell on grief, gradually come to terms with the loss, accept it. what happened, you can return to life, learn to rejoice again and please your loved ones.
Communication will help you pull yourself together:
- loved ones, children, grandchildren, brothers, sisters;
- Friends;
- psychologist;
- philosophical literature;
- religion.
What to choose depends on preferences and habits. There are sure to be people on this list who can look at loss from a new perspective. Religion explains what happens to the soul after the death of the body. Friends come up with new ones interesting entertainment. The psychologist tells how to come to terms with loss and see the light in the darkness. With loved ones you can remember funny stories about the deceased.
Advice from a psychologist: how to survive the death of your husband, life in a new way
Activities that can restore interest in the world around you:
- searching for worthy goals, achieving which the widow will feel that her deceased husband is proud of her;
- charity. Helping others - The best way make amends for experiences with benefit;
- searching for new activities. It's time to discover your talents, try what you didn't have time for before;
- searching for new places. Curiosity - main enemy apathy. There are so many interesting things around! One has only to turn on observation, and grief will begin to recede. Traveling and a change of scenery is the best way to shake things up;
- release of emotions. Healthy well-groomed beautiful body- the best medicine for a grieving soul. . You can cry about the deceased even five years after the tragedy. The key is to set boundaries and stick to them. Learn to distinguish between heavy sorrow and light sadness;
- Feel grateful: for what happened, for the priceless days of life together, for the experience of loss. Gratitude is a real balm for the heart of the bereaved.
Remember: the most difficult period for a widower or widow begins three to four weeks after the fact of the loss. It is at this time that experiences go inward, into depression, apathy. But from the very first minutes, it is the duty of relatives and friends to support a loved one and monitor his condition.
Watch the reaction
Psychologists list several typical manifestations of the first stage:
- apathy - a person seems to be in a fog or half-oblivious, does not fully understand what is happening, refuses to deal with organizational issues, or does everything automatically;
- loss of appetite. More often - loss, sometimes, on the contrary, - an abundant craving for food. Any eating disorders lead to a deterioration in the physical condition of the body and additional stress on the psycho-emotional sphere;
- physical problems: dizziness, micro-infarctions, seizures. The presence of these reactions is typical for the first hours after receiving information about death; they depend on the initial state of the body and existing problems;
- unusual reactions: unexpected hysterical laughter, strong aggression indiscriminately and other actions atypical for a person. It happens more often to those who have an unstable psyche.
Anticipate how a woman will react to the news of her husband's death. Prepare for different manifestations to avoid panic and additional pressure on the widow.
Lack of panic and hysterics among others - the first most important advice psychologist on how to help survive the loss of a husband or wife.
Stay close
Being nearby does not mean constantly being in sight, not allowing a person to be alone. If the widow or widower reacts adequately, it is okay to leave her alone with her thoughts. Being nearby at a difficult moment means being present, guessing the needs of your loved one.
The psychologist’s second advice to loved ones: help where help is needed. Need some advice - please offer it. Need help - help. Don't go into your personal area unnecessarily.
Invisible presence options:
- in the first hours, give a drop of a sedative to calm you down;
- hug, pat on the head;
- accept any manifestations of grief, do not forbid crying or screaming. If actions become inappropriate and threaten physical condition(the person hits his head against the wall, kicks objects), stop him gently. A commanding tone - in the most exceptional cases;
- never utter lamentations like “how will you live without him now?” This is a useless rhetorical question that only carries additional stress on the psyche;
- help with organizational issues. But you need to take upon yourself only what the mourner himself is not able to do. Communication with funeral home employees, doctors, cafe owners pulls a person out of the world of grief into ordinary life, reminding: the world has not collapsed, life goes on;
How can I help my friend cope with the death of her husband?
To a woman in this the most difficult period guidelines for future life are needed. She can't always cope on her own. It’s good if, in addition to the help of relatives, the support of your best friend is added.
What not to say to a friend:
- advising to find a new man as soon as possible - this will insult the widow;
- listing similar stories that happened to others is of no use;
- cry, suffer with the widow;
- say the words “time does not heal, some suffer for five to ten years and cannot forget” - unfortunately, such formulations are often heard, especially from those who have experienced
What do we have to do:
- unobtrusively point out the good moments in the life of a woman who has lost her beloved husband: the smiles of loved ones, the success of children, the onset of spring. It seems trivial and tedious, but water wears away stone. Regular reminders that the world remains beautiful and amazing will bear fruit;
- visit the widow in crowded places more often (but don’t force her. If she doesn’t want to go to a concert, go to a restaurant together), engage her in new activities;
- asking how she was feeling, what she was doing, how her relatives were doing. Avoid the topic of grief and apathy, focusing on what is happening in her life now;
- help a friend stay beautiful, well-groomed, healthy;
- if there is not enough strength or time for support, they are not the right words, seek help from a psychologist. Psychologist-hypnologist Nikita Valerievich Baturin will help improve your condition in a few sessions.
How can I help my mother cope with the death of her husband?
If a woman does not know how to live now after the death of her husband, the advice of a psychologist will help her children. The death of a father, with whom a mother lived for a long time, has a special effect on children: firstly, they have to cope with the stress of losing their father, and secondly, they have to find the strength to support their mother.
The loss of a loved one at an older age, when you have a lot of experience behind you, often brings about deep apathy. After the death of her husband, a mother may look optimistic, but at the same time feel complete emptiness, melancholy, loss of guidelines and goals.
What not to say to your mother:
- demand that she stop crying. Tears are the way out negative energy. Accumulating it inside means risking physical health, acquiring psychosomatic diseases;
- to be left alone with grief and melancholy. Maybe she strong man, who has experienced many difficulties, but the support of children is priceless for any mother;
- prohibit mother from showing concern. Imagine: if earlier the meaning of her existence was caring for her husband, then after the loss this part of her life turned into a gaping hole. By caring for children, a mother can fill the void and feel still needed.
What to say:
- support any endeavors: whether she went to knitting courses, signed up for the library, or began to actively visit the pool - let mom see your interest. Don’t make fun of it, ask how she’s doing, rejoice with her;
- help her find new life guidelines. Let her take care of her grandchildren or pet, actively involve her in your affairs, ask for help, support, advice. The main thing is to make your mother understand that her loved ones need her;
- Walk her more often if she prefers to stay at home. Do not allow yourself to be in complete silence for a long time;
- remember warm moments of the past with mom, when she and dad were young and the children were small, look at photographs. Do this only if mom is feeling better.
A psychologist's advice on how to survive the death of a wife or husband comes down to an important idea. Main principle helping a loved one - do not impose or dictate. Act according to the person's needs, and not based on your beliefs and interests. Help in difficult situation- a complex, delicate process. To master useful skills in this area, contact psychologist-hypnologist Nikita Valerievich Baturin. On your channel he explains how hypnosis can help, how to gently get out of depression and bring others out of it, and the dangers of accumulating negative emotions inside.
It has long been known that no person can live forever. Unfortunately, our loved ones also go to another world in due course. There's nothing you can do about it. Death is a natural biological process; it is a component of life. Everyone born must die. No one can escape his fate, and everything must come to an end one day.
What does a person feel when someone close to them has died?
All people who have lost loved ones experience a pervasive feeling of colossal internal pain. This pain is so strong that it tears your heart from the inside, preventing you from breathing, thinking, and living. All the thoughts of a person who has lost a loved one are concentrated only around the tragedy that has occurred: how, why, why did this happen to us? The heartbreaking flow of tears makes you want to scream, tear out your hair, and look for those responsible for what happened.
We are designed in such a way that before we face death, we believe in our immortality, and therefore we can never immediately accept the passing of a person who is dear to us. It is especially painful when a loved one dies and we have to bury him. At that moment I really want to lie next to you. It seems impossible to come to terms with this. The whole world seems to be turned upside down. How to survive the death of your beloved husband if life without him seems incomplete and unhappy? It seems that nothing good will ever happen, that everything is lost forever. When everything is good in our life, we are surrounded by family and friends, it is very difficult to believe that it will ever end. Often we begin to value relationships after they have already ended. Apparently, this is why time is considered a priceless gift.
Unleash your feelings
When thinking about the question of how to survive the death of your beloved husband, do not demand too much from yourself at once. Allow yourself to go through all the stages of recovery from severe mental trauma. The state of grief is necessary for building long-term perspectives and a new vision of life.
Don’t hold back your tears: now there is absolutely no point in pretending to be an “iron lady”, otherwise you will have to pay a very high price for “recovery”. When the feeling of pain is still very acute, it is highly not recommended to remain alone: let your family console you, just be there, help you. How to cope with the death of a loved one if it seems that life without him will have no meaning? Just give yourself the opportunity to relearn life. You will find answers to all questions gradually. The moment of emotional response is important for internal work over the situation. Recognize that you really can't change anything.
Ask for help
There is nothing wrong with asking family and friends for help when you need it. Allow yourself to be weak, feel insecure and depressed.
You don't have to always be strong in everything. If you accidentally shed a tear in the office where you work, your colleagues will most likely treat it with due understanding and sensitivity. You shouldn’t close yourself off from people and experience grief all alone. Today, in almost any city you can use the help of a psychologist. A specialist will work with your feelings and help you overcome the state of seeming impossibility of returning to a full, happy life.
Find yourself in an interesting business
When the severity of the distress you are experiencing begins to slowly subside, it’s time to help yourself switch your attention. Without a doubt, you are still grieving and worried, but your tormented soul requires renewal, it desperately needs it. It's good if you have a favorite business or hobby to which you can devote yourself. Then you will have less time to constantly tear your heart apart with anxious and vivid memories. Many do not understand if they were the center of your existence. What is needed here is a paradigm shift: start looking at yourself as the basis of your being. In other words, take responsibility! Only you can truly decide whether to suffer or take steps towards “recovery.” This approach may seem extremely harsh to some, but it is effective: you become stronger, and your life takes on new meaning.
Take care of others
Nothing can help you free yourself from terrible thoughts and pain like communicating with other people. By giving warmth and care to others, we become truly happy.
And although this will not fade the image of your loved one, it will definitely make you feel better. Find others who are in a similar situation and offer your help. Just help other women survive the death of their husbands - and you will help yourself. Give love to others and you will receive a feeling of satisfaction in return.
Allow yourself to be sad sometimes
It's not unusual for sad thoughts to haunt you for quite some time. The loss of a loved one cannot but cause suffering. In the difficult question of how to survive the death of a beloved man, only time will help you. Be prepared for a sudden aggravation of the wound: even when it seems to you that the pain is subsiding, it can return and torment your heart with a vengeance. There is no need to be scared: your feelings are completely normal. Many people who have lost loved ones think about how to survive the death of their loved ones without going crazy. The pain clouds the mind so much that sometimes it seems impossible to continue life. These feelings are more than natural. No one can replace the deceased for you. You may be in apathy for several days or weeks, but know that relief will definitely come.
Don't put a cross on yourself
For everyone who has lost a life partner, it seems that they will now remain alone forever. But this is a false idea about life and yourself. Give yourself time to recover from the impact.
Life will definitely give you the opportunity to find happiness again. Of course, if you do not interfere with her in this. Many women are interested in how to survive the death of their beloved husband, how to learn to rejoice again? On purpose. Only by deciding to become happy, despite the circumstances. If you are a young woman, but suddenly became a widow, this does not mean that you now have to be in mourning for the rest of your life. Having experienced grief and missing a loved one, it is worth overcoming the pain and trying to find happiness again.
Allow yourself to be happy again
If you don't take care of yourself, it's unlikely that anyone else will. Pull yourself out of your psychological grave! It was not you who died, but your spouse. Realize that you are alive and can start a family again! It's good if you have children from a previous marriage.
You will be able to compensate for your loss for a while, but only for a while, because you cannot fully satisfy the need for a close relationship through love for a child. Learn to live without the deceased. It's very difficult, but if you try every day, you'll get pretty good at it over time. Find yourself interesting thing. Charity helps a lot: by giving others a piece of your warmth, you create a kind of “capital” for the future, which will definitely return to you in the form of love.
Collecting the heart piece by piece is, without a doubt, difficult and dangerous. You may get hurt, cut your fingers. But this work is necessary - it brings you back to yourself. Make sure to do this - take the bitter medicine of truth in order to be able to move on with your life. Only time and tireless work on yourself will tell you how to survive the death of loved ones. No one has the right to advise you, condemn you, or push you to take any actions. Allow yourself to experience the feelings that arise. Your emotions have amazing power - they build a path for you to well-being through cleansing.
What the Church Says about Death
According to Christian belief, on the third day after death, the soul ascends to heaven. When it comes to the question of how to survive the death of a loved one, Orthodoxy speaks of the ability to take care of those who remain nearby. It is believed that the yearning soul is thus freed from the suffering that oppresses it.
According to Christian ideas, everything that we live in life is given to us for something in the future. Difficulties strengthen character, suffering purifies and elevates the soul, obstacles strengthen and focus on positive result. Therefore, if it remains for you topical issue How to survive the death of your beloved husband, the answer may be this: take care of yourself, worry about the purity of your soul, take care of others, give love selflessly. How more love you give, the more comes back to you according to the great and powerful law of attraction. In addition, the Orthodox religion claims that we all (or rather, our souls) will meet in heavenly space. You just need to understand that we are not saying goodbye to our family and loved ones forever: we are separated only by moments of years, which are nothing compared to eternity. Orthodoxy answers the question of how to survive the death of loved ones in the most complete and significant way: you need to turn inside yourself, to your soul, understand what it wants, and begin to realize it in the world.
Surround your loved ones with care and attention - and it will become much easier for you to wake up in the morning, welcoming a new day. Take care of each other! Try to give your loved ones everything they need. Then you won’t have to regret the lost time later.
The death of a beloved husband is a terrible tragedy that is almost impossible to survive without the support of loved ones. Many widows feel that there can be no life after this event. No matter how banal and hackneyed it may sound, you need to move on with your life.
How to come to terms with this loss and survive death legal spouse?
The Church regards death as an inevitable part of every person's life - the final part. The priests are sure that it is the behavior, attitude and mood of the widow that influences the state of the deceased man in the afterlife.
Attention! The more and longer the widow grieves, the longer the soul will toil between two worlds.
Tears, deep despair and unwillingness to reconcile and accept her fate are a sign that the widow is not ready to let her husband go to the best of worlds, which is why he does not go to heaven.
What do priests advise?
- After death, only the physical body ceases to exist, but the soul has immortality. In order for her to find peace, she really needs the support and care of loved ones, so loved ones must take care of their souls. If a woman falls into deep sorrow, she commits one of the 8 deadly sins - despondency.
- All yours energy potential, love and strength must be directed to prayer. You need to pray for the peace of mind of the deceased until the 40th day.
- After death, the souls of loved ones are united in heaven, provided that both souls go to heaven. Excessive lamentations over the deceased and grief are incompatible with the Christian religion, so a woman dooms herself to a restless life after death.
- You need to understand that even though your husband is not physically present, he is not nearby, now he is next to God.
- You can write a note in which the woman confesses her love, talks about tenderness and gratitude, says everything that, as it seems to her, she did not have time to say, take it to the grave, and after that make a donation to the temple for the repose of her husband. You need to ask God for help to survive grief, and then he will certainly help.
- Falling into deep sadness, believing that life is over and happiness will never be experienced again, the woman brings anxiety to her late husband. He watches his beloved from heaven, and, seeing how she endlessly cries and grieves, he himself will not be able to find peace.
In the video, the priest tells how to get out of depression after the death of a loved one:
Back in the middle of the last century, American psychologists developed a scale of the severity of the stressful impact of life events on a person, rating them from 0 to 100 points. The first place was taken by the death of a spouse: it is estimated at 100 points.
Psychologists believe that, regardless of age, degree of attachment to the spouse and the character of the wife, everyone experiences the loss of a soul mate in the same way, or rather, they go through identical stages.
- Shock. This condition can be compared to a strong blow, after which a person falls and begins to experience severe pain. Initially, a woman may lose the power of speech, hearing, vision, and lose her orientation in space and time, after which deafening pain comes.
- Negation. Absolutely all people, receiving news of the death of a loved one, refuse to believe it. Women claim that the information has not been verified, that something has been mixed up somewhere, that a mistake has occurred - these are the phrases that can most often be heard from the lips of a woman who has become a widow.
- Anger. Having accepted the fact of her husband’s death, the woman tries to find an answer to the questions of why this happened and who is to blame. She tends to analyze recent events, days, hours, and recall that “it seemed to her that something terrible would happen, and she should not have let her husband go anywhere.” Most often, a woman takes out her anger on herself, blaming herself for what happened.
- Depression. When a woman finally understands and realizes that her husband has died, she falls into the deepest depression. The taste for life, any interests are lost, the woman no longer hears her desires, needs, she is not bothered by anything except the deepest anxiety about what happened.
A woman can experience grief in different ways: for some it takes several weeks, for others a couple of months, for others years.
Most main advice given by psychologists: You should not suppress your feelings and emotions, hold back tears, sadness, melancholy. If you simply hide them in the depths of your soul, sooner or later they will come out.
When you don’t have the strength to deal with grief and the pain of loss on your own, need to go to confession, after lighting a candle in the temple. Sometimes it is enough for a widow to speak out to a stranger and hear words of support.
A psychologist can also help cope with deep depression., which will force the woman to look at the situation from the other side, from different angles, after which widows, as a rule, experience significant relief.
To make this condition last longer, it is advisable to take a course psychological assistance(art-audio therapy).
Reference! Sometimes people in the same position help in such situations. A person is inclined to believe more in the words and advice of those people who know first-hand what feelings they experience. On support sites and forums, people who have experienced a similar tragedy share their experiences of overcoming depression.
Psychologists call various breathing exercises, yoga, meditation, psychological practices are an excellent way to cope with depression and mental anguish.
The main condition is to accept, understand the situation and release the person into another world.
Watch the video in which a psychologist explains how to cope with the death of your husband:
How to be a young widow?
The hardest thing to cope with the loss was for a young girl who was making plans for the future with her husband, pondering life together, everyday life, discussed family values and, perhaps, was already planning to give her husband a child. When a spouse dies, all plans collapse, so it seems as if none of this will happen again.
After the deep sadness has passed, it is very important for a woman to realize that a young girl should have a family, a home and children, and this is normal.
Important! No one will condemn a young widow for wanting to connect her fate with another person, and no one will support if she decides to mourn for the rest of her life.
You shouldn’t immediately after the funeral rush to look for a new lover, but there’s also no point in shying away from men who show signs of attention.
It is important for a woman to accept and realize the fact of losing her husband, to experience and feel the deepest pain, and then try to get back on her feet and move on with her life.
Fate itself will place on the path of life a person who will be able to help a woman come to her senses faster, heal emotional wounds and teach her to love again.
Attention! No one knows how much time will pass since the death of her husband. But the man who will become the young widow's companion will appear exactly when needed.
How to survive death from medical error?
When death occurs not as a result of a serious long-term illness or an accident, but because of a doctor’s mistake, a woman directs all her aggression, anger and other emotions in his direction.
In fact, no matter how hard it is, you can’t do this.
First, you need to understand that a doctor is the same person, like all other people, and all people make mistakes. No matter how terrible it may sound, the cost of human error can be very high, including human life.
Secondly, the realization that the doctor is experiencing this tragedy no less than a woman, sometimes helps to cope with the flow of negative emotions. It would seem that what could worry a doctor, because of whose mistake a person he did not know died?
Such an event in the life of every physician becomes a turning point: many cannot return to their previous activities after the death of a patient due to their fault. The widow's anger and accusations can lead to serious psychological state doctor
Thirdly, after establishing the cause of death, a criminal case always begins, during which an investigation will be conducted and the doctor will be punished.
Important! Finally, we should not forget about the justice of God, who always punishes the guilty and protects the innocent.
How to continue to live alone?
Loneliness is not a problem if a person is self-sufficient: he is not bored in his own company, he is not afraid to be alone with his thoughts.
Of course, this is not the time to talk about this at such a difficult moment, but still, how to survive grief alone?
- When a person is left alone with such strong emotions, he learns to understand himself better, recognizes his energy potential, becomes stronger in spirit and more self-confident.
- Loneliness frees up time for self-knowledge, self-development and self-realization.
- Loneliness helps you feel the pain of loss to the fullest, let it pass through you and free yourself.
The pain that a woman experiences after a loss can be felt on a physical level, and playing sports rebuilds the body and even changes the physiological response. In addition, during intense stress, negative emotions spill out.
Alone, a woman (especially a housewife who was under the care of her husband) comes to her senses faster and returns to her old life, albeit gradually, because she knows that no one but herself will help.
In addition, the realization comes faster that life does not end and, perhaps, the woman will still meet her fate.
A widow who herself managed to cope with the loss of a loved one often believes that if she managed to survive such a tragedy, then she will be able to cope with any difficulties in life.
How can family members help you get out of depression?
Whatever one may say, the help of loved ones and relatives in such a difficult period is necessary.
Some women at first refuse to meet and talk with friends and family, but then they themselves come to the conclusion that they need to meet and talk with their mother, sister, brother, friend.
How can relatives help?
- If a woman has neglected herself and gone headlong into mourning, her loved ones can monitor her condition and, if anything happens, call a doctor or persuade the widow to visit a psychologist. They can also provide her with food, take care of the house and animals, and help in raising children.
- In a married couple, responsibilities are usually shared equally. While a woman is having a hard time emotionally, she may not be able to cope with the burden of worries and troubles that have piled up, which her relatives can help her with.
- Sometimes relatives bring a woman out of deep depression: someone talks about their life, distracting the widow from the main catastrophe, someone listens carefully and patiently, easing her condition.
- After the death of her husband, a woman may think that now she will forever remain alone, not needed or loved by anyone. A loving and caring family will help you remember that there are people who always need you and care about you.
- It is close people who can arouse an interest in life in a widow: invite her to visit, go shopping, go to the cinema, play sports.
- Often a woman just needs a strong and reliable shoulder nearby, into which she can bury her head and cry, so as not to carry the whole burden of negative emotions and deep sadness. Both relatives and friends can help with this.
- Finally, the best psychologist sometimes it becomes a family member or friend with whom a woman has a very warm relations: sister, mother, best friend. Only their advice and affection can lift a woman out of depression.
In the video, a psychologist explains how relatives can help get out of depression after the death of a loved one:
The loss of a beloved husband is extremely stressful for a woman, and everyone experiences it differently. Some people need long-term loneliness, others need the support of loved ones and the help of a psychologist.
It is very important to survive and feel this difficult period, but not to give up on yourself and continue to live on, no matter how difficult it may be.
