A healthy and regular intimate life of spouses is the key to family happiness and warm relations between partners. Pregnancy and subsequent childbirth disrupt the schedule of sexual relationships. The spouse suffers the most from this. He ceases to feel needed and loved, as a result of which disagreements may arise in the family. How to make your intimate life improve after childbirth and when you can sleep with your husband again after the birth of a baby.
Necessity or prejudice
Many husbands believe that the lack of acts of love in the first weeks after childbirth is a relic of the past. Men often don't understand possible consequences early resumption of sexual activity and often persuade the wife to have sex earlier due date after childbirth.
Today, experts say that early resumption of intimacy between spouses can lead to the development of many complications. The period of sexual rest prescribed by the doctor must be strictly observed. During this time, the young mother’s body recovers after childbirth, postpartum discharge comes out, the uterus, cervix and vagina return to normal. If you do not withstand the rest period, you can introduce an infection into the uterus, which threatens inflammatory diseases and even infertility.
How long does the rest period last?
Considering the individuality of each organism, it is impossible to say exactly until one day how long the ban on sexual relations between spouses should last. Sex life after childbirth can resume only after the cessation of lochia. If everything is fine for you, the discharge has stopped, and you feel well, you can visit a gynecologist to decide on the issue of resuming intimacy with your spouse.
At the appointment, the gynecologist will interview you, examine you, and take necessary tests and decide whether you can sleep with your husband, or should you wait a little longer. Typically the dormant period lasts from 6 to 8 weeks. However, there are exceptions.
So, for example, if a young mother experiences postpartum complications, the rest period can be extended until complete recovery.
New mothers perceive sex after childbirth differently. For some, this is not a question at all. But more than half still face troubles for up to 3 months, sometimes up to six months. For about one in ten, problems remain even after the baby’s first birthday.
Being together Long-awaited sex Intimacy after childbirth
After arrival menstrual cycle
Complex degree of consequences
When and how to start
From a physiological standpoint, a woman’s body is ready to resume intimate relationships after the genitals are restored. After giving birth, this happens individually for each woman, which determines how long you can’t have sex.
- It takes time for the uterus and vaginal muscles to contract. During the first week, the uterus decreases in size by half and completely returns to its original size by about the third or fourth week. The vagina may take much longer, sometimes up to six months.
- To ensure that first sex after childbirth does not result in a severe infection or inflammation, you need to wait until the wound left by the placenta heals and the cervical canal closes. This occurs in the third to sixth weeks.
- If surgery was performed caesarean section, the uterus requires a similar period of time to restore and form a scar.
- After serious ruptures, surgery, or episiotomy, recovery takes longer. Whether it is possible to have sex determines the success of this process after childbirth. As a rule, the ban increases to two or even three months.
The average period that doctors call is quite uncertain. They recommend 42 days, 8 weeks, 6 weeks. The minimum is 4 weeks or about a month.
A moment of pleasure to be together
A woman is quite capable of determining when she can have sex. The fact that the organs have returned to normal is indicated by the cessation of postpartum discharge. Small sutures heal even earlier. But still, first you need to undergo an examination by a gynecologist and get his approval.
There are extreme people who resume sexual relations in the second week. This is not worth doing; the need to endure a little is not at all a reason to risk your health. There is a danger even when using a condom.
On the other hand, after giving birth, you can have sex as many days as you like, even immediately after discharge. If we remember that intimacy does not necessarily mean the penetration of a male organ into a female one. There are caresses, petting, and oral ways of satisfying the husband. The main thing is that the psychological attitude is appropriate.
This is where the biggest problems lie. Sex after childbirth can be off-putting for a new mother for many reasons. Sometimes dad has certain fears. It’s not for nothing that they say that this is very similar to “the very first time,” including because of possible pain.
You need to make a little effort so that the first sex after childbirth does not become a disappointment. The nature of everyday communication between young parents is of great importance. Small signs of attention tender words, kisses, hugs - The best way express feelings for each other.
A woman should remember that she is really a woman, and not just a feeding and care machine. This does not depend on your figure, degree of fatigue, enlarged breasts and other far-fetched problems. After childbirth, she needs intimacy no less than a man. His desire shows better than any words that love and interest have not been lost - most likely, they have even increased.
A man needs to remember maximum caution. You may even have to interrupt sexual intercourse, more than once. Actions must be extremely careful, very slow.
After giving birth, it can be difficult to choose the right time to have sex. The traditional night is not always successful. But you can come up with a trick by asking a friend or grandmother to walk with the baby for an hour or two during her husband’s lunch break. If there is a desire, then the opportunity will appear.
A careful approach is needed when choosing a pose. The positions you were used to before pregnancy will most likely turn out to be uncomfortable or even impossible. Take into account that it may be painful to have sex after childbirth, as well as some stretching of the vaginal muscles. Therefore, a woman should be able to control the process by adopting a position in which her thighs are tightly closed.
The most common problems
The primary cause of concern is pain. It can be caused by:
- dryness, which occurs due to reduced estrogen production;
- changes in the mucous membrane, muscle tissue, which were the result of stretching, ruptures, incisions;
- much less often - inflammatory, infectious processes.
Almost all women who have given birth experience a lack of natural lubrication. To make sex less painful, artificial lubricants are used. Choose water-based ones to avoid irritation from oil-based ones.
The long awaited moment
Even small stitches can cause pain. If you're careful, this goes away quickly. It is more difficult, of course, with extensive damage. They take longer to heal, which determines when you can have sex after giving birth.
Painful sensations occur because the tissues in the vaginal area are very tender and sensitive. Usually this is not dangerous, but sometimes it takes as long as six months to fully recover. Very rarely, at the most difficult situations, do plastic surgery.
The situation is more serious when pain from sex, even a month after giving birth, appears in the stomach, back, that is, inside. This may indicate an infection or the development of inflammation. There are unpleasant discharges. The appearance of any suspicious symptoms is a reason to immediately seek medical help.
If a couple is too hasty after giving birth, blood may appear after sex. Again, you need to see a gynecologist to rule out a serious danger.
Why does it bleed:
- barely closed vessels at the sutures are mechanically damaged;
- the physical impact caused resumption of lochia, which had not yet ended;
- there are postpartum complications, depending on the severity of bleeding you need ambulance or visiting a doctor.
If blood appears not after the first sex, but already six months to a year after the baby’s date of birth, most likely the reason is not related to childbirth.
Why does desire disappear
The first reason for the lack of desire in a young mother is based on instincts and hormones. Now she needs to take care of the baby, procreation is not required, so nature provides for a loss of interest in sex. On the other hand, prolactin, the “milk” hormone, suppresses the very mechanism of passion. So “I don’t want sex after childbirth” is not just words, it’s physiology.
This condition passes quite quickly. You can speed up the process by doing “this” against your physiological desire. The possible absence of physical pleasure will not last long; it will be completely replaced by emotional pleasure. After all, my husband has no hormonal changes.
Intimacy becomes sweeter
But lack of desire appears for many other reasons.
- You don’t want sex at all when a woman feels like she completely belongs to the baby, obligated to devote all her time only to him. It gets to the point where the pleasure of intimacy is perceived as guilt in front of the child.
- Lack of social contacts, resentment towards the husband that he is not able to replace communication with other people.
- Awareness of one's own unattractiveness often explains why women don't want sex after having a baby.
- Fear of a new pregnancy.
- Common fatigue.
These psychological problems are quite successfully resolved.
- We must remember that the baby will be happy if the mother is happy. Otherwise, later this will result in a deterioration in relations, subconscious accusations that the child took the life of his mother. Certainly the need to pay attention to the child after childbirth is not a reason why you should not have sex.
- A husband really cannot become all people at once. There are other ways - communicating on social networks, meeting young mothers, visiting sports complexes, and finally, hobby clubs.
- Just because a woman looks different now doesn’t mean things have gotten worse. You just need to let go of the old and find the positive in your new life.
- There are many ways to make sex after childbirth safe. The doctor will recommend the best one.
- Overcoming fatigue is not easy; you will need a lot of patience. In addition, many household chores can be put off by using time to relax and communicate with your husband.
Even new dads experience problems with desire. Although they are ready for long-term abstinence, unlike mothers, who are faced with a lack of desire, often unexpectedly. Many men simply feel sorry for a woman, especially after the suffering she has endured.
It happens that dads cannot accept their baby for a long time, associate him with his wife and lose attraction. Sometimes they are subconsciously angry at having to support the whole family alone when the wife is always at home.
Internet forums and reviews of other young parents about sex after childbirth suggest ways to solve problems. Will provide invaluable assistance family psychologist. Sometimes one visit is enough, simply voicing the cause of the problems. It's a mistake to underestimate marital intimacy- after all, its resumption means the end of the postpartum period, the beginning of new family relationships.
As a rule, pregnancy and childbirth significantly change the usual sex life of partners - during the entire nine months of waiting for a baby, we are afraid that sexual intercourse could terminate the pregnancy, and, after the birth of a child, many mothers simply have no time to think about sex life. So begin resuming sexual activity after childbirth, you need to carefully and competently.
Many husbands, missing the body of a young mother and wife, try to sex life after childbirth started as early as possible. This is due to the fact that they feel deprived of care and attention, because, after giving birth, a woman devotes all her strength to caring for and raising the baby.
Medically, earlier resumption of sexual activity after childbirth can bring very unpleasant consequences for a young mother, because the female reproductive system after childbirth must become well strengthened, and this requires time.
So, when, after all, can you resume sexual activity after childbirth?
Doctors advise starting sexual activity only when all the consequences disappear labor activity. In addition, before resuming sexual relations after the birth of the baby, you must definitely visit consultation with a gynecologist. He will not only conduct a thorough examination of the woman’s genitals and, if necessary, prescribe treatment, but will also advise you on the most suitable contraceptive method, in order to avoid unwanted pregnancy and not.
How soon after giving birth??
Many medical books write about sex life after childbirth can begin no earlier than 6-8 weeks after the birth of the baby. It is during this period that it returns to its original state, is freed from residual blood and all damaged tissue is restored. Experts insist that sexual intercourse is not recommended until until the young mother stops bleeding. IN otherwise You can get an infection in your uterus or vagina.
If, during childbirth, any complications arise: episitomy, perineal rupture, etc., then the period of abstinence may last until all the sutures are completely healed.
How to deal with temporary inconveniences?
Very often, after childbirth, the anatomical relationships of the genital organs change in partners, which can lead to some inconvenience.
Due to the strong stress that occurs during childbirth, it remains in a relaxed and lethargic state for some time. This often causes depression in women, because they cannot fully experience orgasm, and men, in this regard, experience discomfort - in the first months, due to the expansion of the vagina, a man may not feel close contact.
However, like the traditional one, to restore vaginal tone, it recommends that women do special gymnastics, the meaning of which is the voluntary seduction of a single muscle of the perineum, covering the entrance to the anus and vagina.
Very often, after childbirth, not only physical problems arise, but also psychological problems. Such difficulties can arise for various reasons: some young mothers fear that their genital injuries have not yet fully healed, others are simply afraid of pain, and for some, due to postpartum depression, the sexual attraction. Many young mothers get so tired during the day that they don’t want anything at all, not even sex.
But we can assure you that all these problems are temporary. Every woman's body is unique, and each of them needs a certain period of time to recover after childbirth. For some, this will take only a few days, while for others it will take 2-3 months. You just need to be patient, not only for the young mother, but also for the husband!
After giving birth, a woman must follow the doctor’s recommendations so that the body can fully recover. Therefore, you will have to endure restrictions, which also relate to intimacy. You can't have sex for the first time after giving birth. This ban is due to a whole range of reasons.
What are the dangers of sex immediately after childbirth?
Sex in the first time after childbirth is fraught with irreparable harm to women's health. This is due to the fact that the uterus is still very vulnerable: it contracts intensively to push out the remnants of amniotic tissue and blood that have formed during the period of bearing a child. This process is called lochia. They usually last about 2 months, but they can end earlier, although this is still not a reason to resume sexual life.
Sex can cause rupture of sutures, which are often placed in the perineal or cervical area for women in labor, which is fraught with complications and an increased risk of infection. Against this background, an inflammatory process may develop. It is usually eliminated by taking. This will cause stress to the baby and may negatively affect his health.
Even if some time has passed since childbirth, sex can still provoke painful sensations. Because of this, both partners remain dissatisfied, which can result in conflicts in the family. So during the recovery period after childbirth, abstinence is in the interests of both. A man should show respect to the mother of his child and recognize the vulnerability of her current situation. If you succumb to a moment of weakness, a woman’s health can seriously suffer.
How long should you abstain?
There is no universal answer to the question of how long after the birth of a baby you can start having sex. It depends on the health of the young mother and how difficult the birth was.
After a cesarean section, recovery is longer. A woman should not lift weights or do physical exercise. Sexual relations are also prohibited.
The optimal period of abstinence is 2 months, if there are no complications. During this period, lochia usually ends, all sutures dissolve, and physical well-being returns to normal. In principle, a young mother herself will understand when her body has recovered and is ready for sexual intercourse. Still, it is better to go to an appointment with a gynecologist, take the necessary tests and undergo an ultrasound to make sure there are no inflammations or other problems.
What to do if pain occurs?
Women who have recently given birth sometimes feel pain during intercourse. This normal phenomenon. The first sex after childbirth is equal to the very first in a woman’s life. This moment is exciting for both partners, so experts advise preparing for it and taking time for foreplay.
If, in addition to painful sensations, a woman notices bloody discharge, intimacy should be interrupted. Then you should go to the gynecologist to find out the cause of this phenomenon. Bloody issues may indicate that unhealed genital organs have been damaged. Then you should try to have sex again later.
The postpartum period is characterized by dryness in the vaginal area. This is due to hormonal changes in the body. A woman should not be afraid of this process. It’s just that during sexual intercourse you should use lubricants that are designed just for such cases. Choose better means, which do not contain hormonal additives, artificial colors or flavors.
Signs of Problems
Complications after childbirth can occur in any woman. After all, the birth of a baby is a serious burden on the body, which increases its susceptibility to various diseases. Sometimes sexual relations after childbirth can be quite risky. A woman should be alert to the following symptoms after sexual intercourse:
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- itching and burning;
- yellow or green vaginal discharge;
- pain in the lower abdomen;
- unpleasant odor from the genitals.
If you notice these signs, you should definitely go for an examination at antenatal clinic. Most often, atypical discharge and discomfort in the vagina indicate infection in open wounds. – if left untreated, it can even threaten the life of the young mother. So during the postpartum period you need to be especially attentive to your health.
The nuances of intimacy after childbirth
It is important not only to observe the recommended period of abstinence after childbirth, but also to have sex correctly at first. This must be done very carefully. Recommended positions are missionary and lying on your side (positions in which penetration is less deep). Movements should not be fast and rough, since the first sexual intercourse after childbirth can be traumatic.
Sometimes women worry about the size of the vagina, because after childbirth it remains very stretched for some time. This provokes various fears and complexes. Nevertheless, the vaginal muscles gradually return to normal, and Kegel exercises help speed up the process. To perform them you will need vaginal balls or other devices. The essence of the exercises is the rhythmic contraction of the vaginal muscles. Good effect Yoga gives – it also helps restore muscle tone.
If you follow all the rules and precautions, sex after childbirth does not pose a danger to women's health. The first intimacy after the birth of the baby becomes a kind of indicator. If everything goes well, then regular intimate life can be resumed. Further development depends on how successful sexual adaptation is. emotional condition a young mother, and the opportunity to avoid many crises in relationships.
At first intimacy may not give the woman the same pleasure as before giving birth. This is quite natural. The main thing is to remember that libido will recover over time. Until this happens, be positive.
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This is probably one of the most vile misconceptions. When they remember him, they talk about the “bucket” in which the penis should dangle.
Indeed, the birth canal is stretched to allow the baby to pass through, and hormones are actively helping them. After childbirth, the process goes on reverse side, muscles are restored.
You can’t have sex right after giving birth, but by the time you can, everything returns to normal.
And in general, if the myth about the bucket were true, women after the first birth would not be able to use tampons and bear children: everything would fly out, wouldn’t it?
Sometimes muscles do not tone up for a long time after childbirth. But the problem in this case is not sex at all, but other symptoms: incontinence Vagina changes after childbirth, For example. Exercises for the pelvic floor muscles, or, in severe cases, surgical interventions help to cope with this. But this is a complication, not a common case.
Myth 2. There won't be sex for a very long time.
Everyone has their own idea of what is long, but the standard recovery period is from four to six weeks. Usually, at this time, doctors advise taking a time out so that the body comes to its senses, the bleeding stops and all the muscles and organs fall into place.
For some people this process goes faster. But in general, a month or a month and a half after giving birth, a woman needs to visit a gynecologist, who will tell whether everything is in order and whether it is possible to return to sexual life.
And don’t forget that not all sex is taboo.
Myth 3. Your partner will become unattractive
It's not just about female forms. Beliefs say that a man will stop wanting sex because:
- A woman will not get back into shape after giving birth.
- The woman will become the mother of his children, not his mistress.
- A man will see a woman in labor and will forever lose sexual interest in her.
A woman stops wanting sex because she completely switches to caring for the child.
In principle, everything described above happens, but the loss of desire in the end is only a consequence of completely different problems in the relationship. When you solve them, sex will return.
Myth 4. It will hurt
Unfortunately, this is not entirely a myth. Many women are afraid of pain, especially if the birth was difficult and there are stitches in the birth canal and perineum.
In most cases, the sutures heal well within the same 4–6 weeks, but discomfort may appear during sex. From fear, insufficient arousal, lack of lubrication and everything that appears from fatigue and decreased libido because of it.
If recovery period passed without complications, then all problems are solved by good foreplay, absence and lubricants.
Myth 5. Sex will become rare
Another not-quite-myth. Sex may actually become less frequent because Small child and lack of sleep do not increase sexuality. The point, in general, is not about sex, but about fatigue or postpartum depression, due to which libido drops to unknown depths.
A banal truth: parents should not forget about themselves and each other when a child is born.
Buy what will help you care for your child and what gets in the way, distribute responsibilities and don’t try to do everything in the world.
Nobody said it would be easy, but it won't always be difficult. You will learn to manage time wisely and find the strength to have sex if you want.
Myth 6. You can’t use protection
In some cases, while a woman is breastfeeding, she does not ovulate (and at the same time menstruation), which means she cannot become pregnant: there are no eggs ready for fertilization. But this does not mean that you can not protect yourself.
Firstly, feeding does not always equal the absence of ovulation. Secondly, no one knows when the body decides it’s time to start and starts the cycle. You can easily get to that very first ovulation after childbirth, and the woman will become pregnant. Once the baby is six months old, the risks increase Sex and contraception after birth.
So you need to protect yourself, unless you are urgently trying to have another child. Well, with a new partner, by default you need to use a condom.
