Husbands who raise their hands against their wives can be divided into two types. The first includes those who accumulate aggression during a scandal with their other half, and then, having reached the boiling point, attack their wife to throw out the negativity. For such husbands, domestic assault becomes a habit. It becomes as commonplace as drinking coffee in the morning.
The second type of beating husbands is less common, but it is the most dangerous. Unlike the first type, this category does not need loud scandals at all in order to raise a hand against his wife. These husbands outwardly look completely calm, but at the same time they can show aggression at any moment, and even with the use of some objects: a hammer, a chair, a knife. Such people have serious mental disorders, and living with them means putting your life in danger.
Most often, assault is carried out by those men who have not achieved anything in their lives. By showing violence against a loved one, they try to gain power over at least something.
What to do with a violent husband
To cope with assault from her husband, first of all, the wife needs to prevent violence against herself. She should not feel sorry for herself and sob into her pillow. Instead, you need to pull yourself together and think carefully about the current situation. It is important to understand the reason for the aggression on the part of the husband and decide whether it is worth continuing to live with this person.
You need to think about further actions without emotions, soberly assessing the situation. To do this, you should not make any decision on the day when your husband showed aggression. It's better to wait a couple of days to calm down.
If the decision has been made to save the family and stay with her husband, then the woman needs to act in several directions at once and needs to start with herself. First of all, you should eliminate the fear caused by your spouse within yourself. He must see that they are no longer afraid of him.
Then you need to raise your own self-esteem. You need to start respecting and loving your “I”, because probably the husband has already managed to convince his wife that she is ugly and stupid. Now you should direct all your strength to change this belief, first within yourself, and then in the eyes of your husband.
Behavior towards your husband also needs to be corrected. You need to try to hide your irritation, become affectionate and positive. It wouldn’t hurt to remind your spouse of his merits.
When trying to restore peace in the family, it is important to act gradually, without rushing. The main thing is to remember that if a man does not admit his problems with self-control, then all his wife’s efforts to improve the relationship will be in vain.
It is difficult to imagine the modern world without aggression. People encounter this kind of negative phenomenon almost everywhere. The rudeness of drivers, visitors standing in line at a clinic or store, etc. is not particularly surprising. Fortunately, such episodes, as a rule, are perceived as nothing more than ordinary situations and are quickly erased from our memory.
Family aggression is viewed completely differently. And although women have suffered from beatings from their husbands at all times, enduring, slowly dying and not complaining about violence, today, in our enlightened age, it is simply unthinkable to allow such a thing. Each family member, while at home, should feel completely safe, enjoying the warmth and comfort of the atmosphere that warms his home. But what if a husband beats his wife? Let's try to understand this issue.
Pathological causes of aggression
Unfortunately, violence in modern families- is far from uncommon. Few people are surprised by the fact that a man beats a woman, even if she legal wife or just a lover. Moreover, the beatings themselves are carefully hidden by many ladies. This happens mainly due to fear of public opinion.
As a result, a painful situation arises in the family, and the problem is never solved. And it’s not only adults who suffer from this. Domestic violence also negatively affects children.
In order for a woman to understand what to do if her husband beats her, she should first of all get an answer to the question of what pushes a man who just recently promised to love and protect his chosen one to do this.
Psychologists clearly distinguish between cases when aggression constantly exists in the family or was only an isolated incident. If we consider the first option, then most likely domestic tyrant there are serious mental or behavioral disorders. But if the second situation occurs, then it is unlikely to be possible to express an unambiguous opinion.
Unfortunately, in modern society no one teaches girls how they should choose a husband. Because of this, marriage is sometimes formalized literally with the first person you meet. And only after a few months life together the woman begins to realize what kind of person her husband is.
However, everyone can guess about the likelihood of a problem of domestic violence even before the wedding, paying attention to the strange behavior of their betrothed. For example, it is not surprising that a man looks at other women. This is done by many representatives of the stronger half of humanity. But at the same time, not everyone will peek into other people's windows or start the day with a glass of alcohol.
Why does a husband beat his wife? The psychology of this phenomenon allows us to identify the following most common reasons:
- The man is intoxicated. In this case, the spouse’s usual restraint seems to dissolve under the influence of alcohol. At the same time, previously pent-up discontent and hidden grievances burst out.
- Chronic alcoholism. Such a state certainly leads to personality degradation. And this, in turn, completely destroys a person’s value system.
- Mental illnesses. In this case, even a psychiatrist is not always able to help.
If at least one of the cases described above occurs, then the woman should seriously think about whether she should stay in the family. Most likely, she needs to run away from her husband as soon as possible, who is simply impossible to help. Often many women take the path of self-sacrifice. And this is their big mistake. They make every effort to save their loved one, often losing their health, and sometimes even their lives.
If your husband hits you, where should you go? Today, specialized anti-crisis centers operate in many cities. They are made for victims family violence. This is where a woman can turn for help.
Alcoholism
This reason for family tyranny is worth dwelling on in more detail. After all, alcohol often turns loving husband into a cruel man reveling in his power. Based on available statistical data, in most families in which the spouse suffers from alcoholism, conflicts, as a rule, end not just in fights, but also in causing quite serious physical injuries. It is worth keeping in mind that a person who literally does not part with a glass is even capable of murder if he shows aggression.
But is it worth immediately breaking off family relationships if a husband beats his wife while intoxicated? A similar opinion is heard on TV screens and often appears in print media. However, in this case, psychologists advise paying attention to subsequent events. There are men who, after they get sober, become aware of their actions. They understand all the consequences of such actions and show complete readiness to get rid of vices. In this situation, the woman’s departure will only aggravate the condition of her husband, who, quite possibly, will attempt suicide.
But it also happens that the husband still does not realize his mistake. In this case, the woman is advised to immediately break off the relationship. After all, she was the first to suffer from domestic violence, and in the future children may also become victims. This behavior of the father will leave a negative imprint on their psyche for the rest of their lives. In addition, psychologists warn that aggression will only increase in strength with each new episode. And this, sooner or later, can lead to the most tragic consequences.
Jealousy
Why does a husband beat his wife? Sometimes the reason for this is banal jealousy. In such cases, the beatings are not permanent. Sometimes a woman herself provokes a man to such a manifestation of aggression. This happens if she herself gives him a reason for jealousy.
A well-known proverb says: “He hits, it means he loves.” Is it so? If a husband beats his wife, the psychology of such a phenomenon does not at all indicate passionate love. Such manifestations of aggression only indicate that heartache, which the spouse is not able to cope with himself.
Somewhere in a human way, a domestic tyrant can be understood. To do this, the victim of violence only needs to remember what she felt at that moment when she was jealous of her husband for a random stranger or friend. Only after this will his behavior become clear to her. However, if the situation repeats itself again and again, and there were no real grounds for jealousy, then the woman must decide whether she should save the family, or whether it is better to leave her husband.
Psychologists recommend that anyone who wants to maintain a relationship completely reconsider their style of communication with their spouse. But if there are doubts about the need for this, then you should think carefully about whether it’s worth living with a person you don’t love?
A real man?
According to psychologists, women who have long fought for their equality have achieved complete victory. In modern society, men have been deprived of the opportunity to occupy leading positions for which they, in fact, were born. And for some of them, physical aggression is almost the only way to prove their worth and power over their other half.
This is hardly a justification when considering the question: “Why does a husband beat his wife?” After all, a reasonable person will not assert himself by using force against a weak partner. He will most likely start looking for a job he likes and create an environment in the family in which no one would even think of defending his own superiority. If at the same time the lady does everything to help her chosen one, then this will be absolutely wonderful.
There is another reason why a husband beats his wife. Psychology considers it in connection with an attempt at humiliating or rude control on the part of the spouse. Sometimes ladies behave as if men are obliged to constantly follow their mood and fulfill all their whims. And sometimes a woman openly, and in a vulgar form, demonstrates her superiority. Can she then say: “My husband doesn’t love me”? No. After all, many men simply cannot stand such behavior.
Fortunately, in such a situation, not every representative of the stronger half of humanity decides to use assault. But a woman must understand that her constant dissatisfaction with her husband will certainly become the main cause of conflicts in the family. And it is likely that the fact that the husband raised his hand to his chosen one indicates his despair. A normal man is unlikely to be able to live with someone because of whom he is not able to fully control his emotions. In this case, the woman will need to reconsider her behavior.
Is it her own fault?
As we can see, to answer the question: “Why does a husband beat his wife?” psychologists clearly cannot. Is it possible that the lady herself is the cause of domestic violence? Yes. This happens, and quite often. This happens primarily due to the fact that the woman takes the position of a victim. She believes that she is good for nothing, which is why she can be treated quite rudely. What to do in such a situation? Psychologists recommend that a woman immediately begin working to gain self-confidence. IN otherwise aggression will arise from any of her chosen ones.
A man also hits a woman in cases where she behaves inappropriately. With his aggression, the husband tries to bring her to her senses, without finding any other way to do this.
Sometimes a husband beats his wife for deliberately causing her mental pain, slander, rudeness and insults. What should ladies do in this case? First of all, think about whether there is something in their behavior that exposes them to attack? After all, sometimes for family well-being it becomes enough to make the relationship more soulful and better. And in such a situation it is not always possible to unequivocally say: “My husband doesn’t love me.”
Relationships between parents
If a woman complains: “My husband is making fun of me,” she should also consider the psychological basis of her behavior. There is an opinion that girls always try to recreate in their family the model of relationships that existed in their parents’ home. However, this is not at all true. According to the results of the survey, the majority of victims of domestic violence did not have enough mother's love. The chosen ones of women who grew up in similar conditions most often become men who have faced similar life difficulties. Because of this similarity, a strong bond is established between partners. emotional connection. The girl believes that the chosen one will certainly understand all her emotions, experiences and feelings. But the reality turns out to be not so rosy. Such a connection only means that the tyrant has selected an ideal victim for himself.
Experts believe that in such a relationship, such a strong psychological connection arises between husband and wife that it becomes impossible to break it. During periods of calm, violent passion and emotional attachment flare up between them. At this time, lovers stop paying attention to everything the world and seem to dissolve into each other. With a long marriage, such a connection becomes even stronger. It becomes more and more difficult for a woman to find a way out of this situation. But the longer the marriage lasts, the more pronounced the violence caused by “love” becomes. It is the emotional connection that exists between the spouses that makes the victim believe in all the repeated promises that beatings will be a thing of the past.
This pattern of behavior is considered one of the signs of Stockholm syndrome. The wife is afraid of her husband, but at the same time constantly finds excuses for his horrific behavior, going through humiliation and beatings.
Why do representatives of the weaker half of humanity forgive physical harm to their health? This fact is explained by the manifestation emotional dependence. In such families, as a rule, the man forbids his wife to work. This leads to the fact that her social circle is significantly reduced, and she is deprived of the material foundation for leading an independent life in the event of a divorce. If the spouse tries to leave the family, then this threatens her with new beatings. After all, a man is also psychologically dependent on his chosen one.
Tendency to tyranny
What personal qualities does a man have the ability to show aggression? The desire to dominate is characteristic of:
- Epileptoids. This personality type is characterized by a tendency to get irritated over all sorts of little things. Such people are accustomed to order, pedantic, stingy and vindictive. It's quite easy to piss them off. For this, any oversight on the part of the chosen one is enough. Epileptoids simply love to find fault with various manifestations of feelings, emotions, as well as the actions of a woman. As their spouse, they choose those ladies who have similar personality traits or occupy a high social status. Such men see their chosen one as an equal person. That is why ladies should earn the respect of their husband. Other women are unlikely to be able to live with a man who resolves disputes with his fists.
- Paranoid personality. These are embittered and suspicious people, prone to groundless jealousy. A woman who marries such a man should be prepared for constant claims and reproaches. Psychologists note that at the initial stage of a relationship, their husband does not humiliate them at all. On the contrary, he creates an image of a noble and courteous person. However, later this person shows his sadistic tendencies, experiencing real pleasure from violence. Psychologists warn that such men initially cause pain, and then apologize for their actions for a very long time. Moreover, tearful pleas uttered on their knees bring them as much pleasure as the subsequent pouring out of accumulated aggression on their spouse. If a woman is not ready to accept such rules of the game, then the consequences of such a union will be quite difficult for her.
Based on the advice of a psychologist, what other signs can be named of a tyrant husband? A spouse's tendency toward aggression may be caused by the following factors:
- existing traumatic brain injury;
- a tough approach to the educational process;
- scandals of parents, which often ended in beatings;
- low performance while studying at school;
- problem with discipline in childhood, as well as manifestations of aggression towards living beings;
- lack of empathy for other people.
What advice can psychologists give? The signs of a tyrant husband listed above, in their opinion, are not always prerequisite occurrence of violence. If the spouse has a strong will, then he will carefully control his behavior, emotions and feelings. However, with prolonged influence of psycho-emotional stress and stress factors, the birth of a monster is quite possible. From here important advice: try to maintain a favorable atmosphere in the family if this person is dear to you. As practice shows, in any conflicts, most often both partners are to blame. A woman often, without realizing it, acts as a provocateur.
Experts also identify several types of men who contribute to the appearance of a victim state in a woman. Let's take a closer look at them.
Depreciating
Such men try by any means to neutralize the achievements of women. Sometimes this is not even done directly. This is expressed, for example, in ugly statements about your chosen one among friends, in ignoring and devaluing her actions. The husband humiliates his wife, while rising in his own eyes. Psychologists explain this behavior by saying that at heart such spouses remain insecure boys, afraid that the woman will leave them.
If such a man begins to criticize his lady love, saying that the dinner is too hot or the children are not brought up as they should, and she begins to apologize to him, then the situation will certainly escalate later. After all, the woman begins to play the role of the victim. How should she deal with this? Try not to react to his comments. Otherwise, the husband will mock his wife even more.
Destructive sadist
At first family relations they are wonderful spouses. However, some time passes, and the wife begins to complain that her husband hits her in the face. Afterwards he begins to literally crawl on his knees and ask for forgiveness. And after a short period of time he again raises his hand against his wife, and his actions continue to escalate. Such a sadist does not seek to break off the relationship. He always acts according to the same scenario. First he beats, then he treats (he gives flowers or expensive gifts), and then he abuses him with even greater force. Often women do not leave such men, believing that everything can still be fixed. But in this they are sorely mistaken.
collapsing
And such a man needs to be saved himself. The collapsing type includes drug addicts and alcoholics, workaholics and people addicted to games. They are not recognized in society and are hopeless in all respects.
There are quite a lot of options for solving problems that women choose. For example, they begin to degrade together with a man, grabbing a glass or a cigarette. And the chosen one begins to pull behind him. A woman can be strong by investing money, time and love in her husband. But most often, infantile men leave for another woman after a certain period. Woman Her soul is devastated, and her health is undermined, or even completely lost.
Do you want to finally stop bullying yourself?
We hope that our tips and the method described in this article will help you get rid of domestic violence.
Notes from a client:“My husband beats me. His beating leaves me with bruises on my body.
I have to cover them with clothes and hide them with makeup so that no one
I didn't see it.
The worst thing is that my son sees this attitude of his father towards his mother -
everything happens before his eyes.
I no longer have the strength to endure my husband’s beatings. Of course he apologizes, he says
that he won’t do this in the future - and after a while he hits me again.
I finally decided that this shouldn’t continue.”
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In a situation where a woman is subjected to domestic violence, she needs to do important choice: continue to endure bullying or change your life.
Modeling behavior
If a woman decides separate from my husband who beats her, she must first understand the reasons for her behavior in the family. Otherwise, there is a possibility that such relationships will be repeated another time, with another man.
After all, the woman did not understand why her husband beat her. Why is this happening to her? Why did she allow herself to be treated this way?
Exactly - allowed...
After all, if she had stopped such an attitude towards herself at the very beginning, when her husband first hit her, now she would not have suffered from periodically repeated beatings.
If your husband doesn’t change, if he doesn’t stop beating you, you will leave.
In both the first and second scenarios, both husband and wife need to understand the causes of domestic violence and how to get rid of it.
Our behavior in life and in the family is determined by our upbringing.
From childhood we follow the example of our parents. Yes, we know they don't always do the right thing. But we have no other choice but to unconsciously follow their example. We are prisoners of their family behavior pattern.
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Our ideas about family are formed based on the relationship between our parents.
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But it’s not your fault that you act the same way as your parents! It’s just that you didn’t see another example other than your parents’ in your childhood.
But now you have grown up. And you can build your family yourself - the way you want.
Why does your husband behave this way towards you, why does he beat you? To find the answer to this question, you first need to determine the reason for it. aggressive behavior. And having determined the reason, we will find out how to change.
Why does a husband raise his hand against his wife?
So, we have found that upbringing and the atmosphere in the parental family influence the formation of the child’s personality. They contribute to the choice of his life path, behavior, views, beliefs.
It is good when a child grows up in a psychologically healthy family, where he is cared for, where he is respected, where his opinion is taken into account and where they help him become a full-fledged person. But families are different. And the climate in them is not always favorable for nurturing a young personality.
A husband's aggression and cruel behavior towards his wife are often rooted in childhood, in parental family. Most likely, he was often offended as a child: beaten, ridiculed, humiliated. As a result, a man has grown up, unsure of himself, who now asserts himself by demonstrating his physical strength over more weak person- wife.
Sometimes a man’s self-esteem does not suffer, but his father’s behavior towards his mother, in those moments when he beat her, has already been deposited in his subconscious.
Now a man automatically reproduces the same model of behavior - but in his family.
How can a man overcome negative subconscious attitudes and stereotypes?
First, understand that his behavior is an inheritance from his parent.
Secondly, realize that this is not right.
Third, firmly decide that he wants to change.
A man needs to learn to develop a different model of behavior.
Why is a woman subjected to domestic violence?
The woman most likely also carries unconscious childhood trauma. Perhaps she was bullied by her father or mother, or some other family member, as a child. She - victim by nature.
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Until a woman realizes this fact, until she understands her behavior and her
beliefs until she learns to love herself and be confident - she again and again
will be subject to domestic violence.
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Realize that your problems come from childhood, that you behave the same way as your father and mother did in your childhood. But then you were small and defenseless. And now you - adult woman, which has the right to decide how to live!
Take up, for example, an activity that has attracted you for a long time. This will make you feel more confident and happy. You deserve all the best! Remember this.
Awareness of the causes and consequences of domestic violence is very important! You understand that once again someone can go too far in a quarrel and get seriously hurt or, God forbid, an outbreak of aggression will lead to fatal consequences.
Moreover, not only do you suffer, your children also suffer. They don't like at will become witnesses to your quarrels with your husband.
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Think about it: what kind of happy family future can your children have?
if they don’t know any other example other than mocking the object of their love?!..
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Your children, just like you as a child, unconsciously inherit the behavior of their parents. They will carry your behavior pattern into their future family - just like you once did.
Someone needs to break this vicious circle. It is you who can change the situation for the better and build more warm relations with husband! Realize the severity of the problem. Get ready for change.
Of course, changes will require time and patience, as well as the help of a psychologist.
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Important reminder!
Promise yourself: if your husband does not want or cannot change, you will leave him.
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How can a husband learn to control his aggression?
Often a husband beats his wife because he does not know how to get rid of aggression in any other way. Aggression accumulates in him and increases during a quarrel. He needs to learn to manage his feelings.
There are two in front of you effective ways How to help your husband cope with aggression:
1.
A man can learn to express his emotions with words rather than actions. The simple phrase “I’m angry with you” is more effective than a fist.
2.
A man can develop the habit of channeling aggression into a less destructive channel - sports, physical exercise and loads.
In the first option, the man speaks out his emotions and thereby frees himself from them. After all, aggression is the accumulation of negative emotions and their release when a person can no longer contain them.
In the second case, the man gives his feelings a harmless outlet - by physical work or sports.
How should a woman behave?
There is a pattern in relationships: if one person changes, other family members change too. It is a fact. But before you change, both you and your husband need to realize that changes are vital for you, for your family.
You, as a wife, need to support your husband from the very beginning if he decides to change in better side.
Praise him for his successes, encourage him with words. Show by your actions and behavior that you are with him, that you share his intention to change.
Think about it, would you be pleased if you were told every day that you are bad, ugly, and the like? On the contrary, it is necessary to encourage the behavior of a husband who is clearly making progress towards better changes.
What about children?
Children who have seen their father beat their mother more than once experience hatred towards the parent - they fear and do not respect their father.
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Children, when they grow up, are rough physical strength will respond with the same force
and the same attitude towards a person.
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Do you want that? Do you want your children to despise and hate you?
If you decide to live differently and build strong relationships in your family, first gain new trust and respect from your children. By your actions and words, you must restore close and trusting relationships with your children.
Children should not be afraid of you, children should respect you!
* * *
Do you want violence in your family to stop once and for all? Take action now. Now you know a little more about methods for restoring peace in your family, and you can put them into practice.
Remember: domestic violence can be stopped!
Change! You deserve happiness!
It’s scary to imagine, but there are still many women in the world who endure violence against themselves for various reasons. What to do if this happened to you? What to do if your husband hits you? What to do if your husband abuses you mentally or physically? Our psychologist gives answers to these difficult questions.
“My husband beats me for reasons that seem serious to him, but in reality it’s nothing. Then he asks for forgiveness, we live peacefully, and after some time the same thing repeats... How to deal with this if I cannot and do not want to leave him. Liana Radaman."
What to do if your husband beats you, answers psychologist Elena Poryvaeva:
Unfortunately, it is very likely that in this situation there is no longer a choice - to live with such a husband or not. And not because you don’t want to leave him. But because you really can’t.
Because he won't let you go. He really, really needs you. Your husband beats you because, having accumulated various negative impressions throughout the day, he suddenly splashes them out in the evening and he just physically needs to have someone nearby at this time on whom he could discharge himself.
As they say, as a punching bag. And it looks like he chose you for this role. It is also quite possible that your husband wants to demonstrate his masculine strength (plus, our society actually demands this from him), but psychologically he is rather weak, at least he does not feel that he can keep you around him by another, non-violent method.
And your husband beats you so that, excuse me, “the woman knows her place and fears her husband.” So he immediately feels " strong man" But it's all about him. Why do you need him like that? There may be several reasons.
If you depend on him only financially, this is in many ways easier to cope with (although, perhaps, everything has already gotten so bad that you have forgotten how to take care of yourself and it is easier for you to endure beatings than to accept the prospect of your own independence). But I suspect that your desire for your husband is even more confusing.
It happens that wives themselves sometimes (often completely unaccountably) seem to provoke their husbands into aggression towards them, into a fight, into a beating, precisely so that after this fight the husband asks them for forgiveness. First the husband beats, then tries to make amends.
Only in this way can these women feel like people, and not “second-class sex.” This is the only way they can assert themselves, or even feel some kind of superiority over at least own husband... And for the sake of this feeling, women sacrifice both independence and, in many respects, security.
I don’t want to scare you, but keep in mind that in such cases, when a husband hits, there is always a possibility that the “provoked husband” will one day not calculate the force of the blow... and he will have no one to ask for forgiveness.
“We lived together for 4 years. Everything was going great, I sacrificed a lot for love. But recently, I stopped fulfilling the whims of my “half”, because every person has his own goal in life. Since then he was replaced: not a day without a reproach, without an insult. My husband is making fun of me.
I found a trick - blaming everyone for my failures (friends, family), and does not allow me to leave, opens my hands, humiliates, blackmails my loved ones, takes revenge on all the friends and acquaintances around me, prohibits any communication without his permission. “They better put me in jail” and “You can think that I’m an animal” are his favorite phrases.
What to do with a person who scoffs and recognizes only his own opinion, communicates only with those who look into his mouth, cannot live without lies and exaggerations, goes to great lengths so that he is not caught in the wrong? Maybe he's just cowardly and short person? Are my fears correct, and how can I get out of these bonds? Daria Pleshko."
What to do if a husband abuses his wife, answers psychologist Elena Poryvaeva:
The most common type of domestic violence is a husband abusing his wife. That is, a man is so psychologically weak (even if he has at least three times the muscles pumped up) that he does not hope to keep his wife through verbal influence, and he often simply does not have words - his intellect has let him down.
Then he begins to use his fists and threats: “If you decide to run away, I’ll kill you!” Such a male simply does not see any other way to keep a woman near him. And sometimes the husband abuses him physically - male violence occurs without the use of physical force at all.
The husband mocks his wife, establishes his own rules in the house, sharply limits his wife’s rights, makes unreasonable claims... Such a family dictator, firstly, has a distorted concept of justice (“I can do everything”), and secondly, internal low self-esteem , which he won’t even admit to himself, and even more so will prove to others all the time that “he’s not like that, he’s a ruble more expensive.”
And thirdly, despite all this, he has an open desire for power. And he takes this power by methods of psychological violence only because he is afraid: he may not succeed any other way.
But you will have to start discussing your specific situation not with his personality, but with yours. Having gotten married, you easily submitted to your loved one and “went under his hand.” Most likely, this is not your fault, but a misfortune, but, nevertheless, for four whole years you taught him to think: darling, I am your uncomplaining thing, do with me what you want, I will sacrifice everything for you!
In the meantime, you stopped being afraid of life, matured, grew as a person... All this is wonderful for you, but not for your husband. Your independence and manifestation of some kind of ambition simply frightens him. In response, your husband mocks you.
Imagine that you, say, move furniture in your house and put your own closet (sorry for the comparison) in one place or another. And suddenly the closet starts to resist and scream:
“I don’t want to stand there, I won’t!” Why is there a closet - remember the famous children's “horror” films about Moidodyr (“the blanket ran away, the sheet flew away”) or about Fedorino’s grief!
Right now, in the eyes of your spouse, your behavior is exactly reminiscent of a riot in his own blanket or kitchen utensils. Yes, as long as you obeyed him, he felt good. And now he's scared. And fear, as you know, paralyzes the will and mind.
So he screams at you in rage and blackmails you, your husband scoffs and opens his hands - he has simply lost control over himself, he is completely at the mercy of his own fear. And obviously, he has something to fear: perhaps he is not a very strong person psychologically, and besides, apparently, he himself does not know how to rise up - it is easier for him to trample those around him into the dirt.
He most likely chose you once for your dumbness and humility... And now, wanting to keep you, or rather “put you in your place”, return you to the position of a humiliated thing, he chooses not the most adequate means. Let's say he starts to intimidate you: “let me sit down”... And he will be imprisoned, as he hints, for mutilating or killing you. He wants you to consider him a beast, that is, to be afraid...
Yes, your fears are justified. Moreover, we are talking about your physical safety. So unless you are a masochist yourself, you really need to leave urgently - if not run away! The husband scoffs and will not stop doing it just like that, because he changes his mind.
But this must be done with the support of an experienced lawyer (or even law enforcement agencies) and a consultant psychologist or psychotherapist. Otherwise, your spouse, having heard about your desire to leave, will not make such a mess!
Unfortunately, very often you can hear complaints from women: “my husband beat me,” “raised his hand,” and the like. Indeed, sometimes male aggression does not find a way out, and it comes to the point that a man begins to beat his wife or child, taking advantage of their weakness and turning into a domestic monster.
However, this is exactly the case when a woman needs to show the fortitude of her character and show strength, otherwise she will have to endure beatings for a very long time.
If a husband beats, then the best option will throw it. If you have children together and you don’t want to leave a domestic abuser because of this, then think: will better for kids to see constant scenes of violence and a beaten mother, than to live without a father? The child's psyche is very fragile, therefore, if you do not want to raise children in fear, then it is best to leave.
If leaving is not possible, then you need to join the fight. You cannot change cruel people, especially since such a man has mental disorders (which need to be treated), and therefore any attempts at persuasion, affectionate attitude, or fulfillment of his demands will not lead to the desired result.
Here are some tips that can make the situation easier:
- it is naive to believe that you can fight with him on equal terms, but it won’t hurt to enroll in self-defense courses;
- You must also be resistant to provocations: if it is clear that your husband is getting “turned on,” leave the house for a while or do not react to them. Pretend not to notice him and let him do what he wants;
- It is useful to arrange a room for yourself without glass doors and put a lock on it from the inside, so that if your husband starts to attack, you can hide from him. It is advisable to keep water there and some means of communication that he cannot interrupt;
- his actions also need to be made public: contact the local media, usually journalists are looking for bright life situations, so they are unlikely to refuse publication. It is advisable to publish not only his last name, but also a photograph, so that his actions will be despised by everyone with whom he is familiar. Maybe he is not afraid of you, but his position as an outcast may scare him. If you don’t dare take this step, talk to your relatives and let them stand up for you;
- and you can also try giving him sedatives (if he is not an alcoholic who is on a constant binge);
- if a husband beats his pregnant wife, then it is necessary to leave him under any circumstances, because... This is extreme cruelty and a sign of lack of morality, and most likely, he is even capable of killing. Nothing should stop a woman from breaking up with this man.
Why does a husband beat his wife?
For some women, this is a mystery: why a husband beats his wife, because he chose her, married her and probably loves her. For others, the answer is obvious, and it calls into question the intellectual, moral and other characteristics of such a man.
Most often, men beat their wives because they believe that it is right: they say, this is how they show their strength, “punish” their spouse for wrong actions, or simply satisfy their need to inflict pain.
However, no matter what reasons such a husband gives, they are all lies; it is unlikely that at least one of them understands the real factors of such behavior: bad upbringing, boundless complexes and personal degradation.
Step-by-step instructions: what to do if your husband has just beaten you?
The main thing is not to be afraid to cause harm to this cruel man (what if, because the police are called, the authorities find out that the husband is fighting and fire him): now he is lucky, he took his anger out on weak woman, who cannot answer, but imagine if there was a man nearby who was a couple of times stronger than him, what would happen to this so-called husband? Therefore, you better teach him normal behavior and show him that there is no impunity. Do not value your relationship with such a person, and look for an opportunity to break it. All measures against violence can only have a temporary effect.
