This word cannot be translated. But it can and must be explained. "Nokhcho" means Chechen. The concept of “nokhchalla” is all the features of the Chechen character in one word. This includes the entire spectrum of moral, moral and ethical standards of life for a Chechen. One could also say that this is the Chechen "code of honor."
A child in a traditional Chechen family absorbs the qualities of a knight, a gentleman, a diplomat, a courageous defender and a generous, reliable comrade, as they say, “with mother’s milk.” And the origins of the Chechen “code of honor” are in ancient history people.
Once upon a time, in ancient times, in the harsh conditions of the mountains, a guest who was not accepted into the house could freeze, lose strength from hunger and fatigue, or become a victim of robbers or a wild animal. The law of the ancestors - to invite into the house, warm, feed and offer overnight accommodation to the guest - is observed sacredly. Hospitality is "nokhchallah". Roads and paths in the mountains of Chechnya are narrow, often snaking along cliffs and cliffs. Having a row or an argument can lead to falling into the abyss. Being polite and compliant is “nokhchalla”. The difficult conditions of mountain life made mutual assistance and mutual assistance necessary, which are also part of “nokhchalla”. The concept of “nokhchalla” is incompatible with the “table of ranks”. Therefore, the Chechens never had princes or slaves.
“Nokhchalla” is the ability to build relationships with people without in any way demonstrating one’s superiority, even when in a privileged position. On the contrary, in such a situation you should be especially polite and friendly so as not to hurt anyone’s pride. So, a person riding a horse should be the first to greet someone on foot. If the pedestrian is older than the rider, the rider must dismount.
“Nokhchalla” is friendship for life: in days of sorrow and in days of joy. Friendship for a mountaineer is a sacred concept. Inattention or discourtesy towards a brother will be forgiven, but towards a friend - never!
"Nokhchalla" is a special veneration of a woman. Emphasizing respect for the relatives of his mother or his wife, the man dismounts his horse right at the entrance to the village where they live. And here is a parable about a highlander who once asked to spend the night in a house on the outskirts of a village, not knowing that the owner was alone at home. She could not refuse the guest, she fed him and put him to bed. The next morning the guest realized that there was no owner in the house, and the woman had been sitting all night in the hallway by a lit lantern. While washing his face in a hurry, he accidentally touched his mistress’s hand with his little finger. Leaving the house, the guest cut off this finger with a dagger. Only a man brought up in the spirit of “nokhchalla” can protect a woman’s honor in this way.
"Nokhchalla" is the rejection of any coercion. Since ancient times, a Chechen has been brought up as a protector, a warrior, from his boyhood. Most ancient look Chechen greeting, preserved to this day - “come free!” The inner feeling of freedom, the readiness to defend it - this is “nokhchalla”.
At the same time, “nokhchalla” obliges the Chechen to show respect to any person. Moreover, the further a person is by kinship, faith or origin, the greater the respect. People say: the offense you inflicted on a Muslim can be forgiven, for a meeting on the Day of Judgment is possible. But an insult caused to a person of a different faith is not forgiven, for such a meeting will never happen. To live with such sin forever.
Wedding ceremony
The Chechen word “wedding” means “game”. On my own wedding ceremony is a series of performances that include singing, dancing, music, and pantomime. Music sounds when fellow villagers, relatives, and friends go for the bride and bring her to the groom’s house. There are other performances that take place at this stage of the wedding. For example, the bride's relatives delay the wedding train by blocking the path with a cloak or a rope stretched across the street - you need to pay a ransom to get through.
Other pantomimes take place already in the groom's house. A felt carpet and a broom are placed in advance on the threshold of the house. When entering, the bride can step over them or move them out of the way. If she tidies up neatly, it means she’s smart; if he steps over, it means the guy is out of luck. But the bride, festively dressed, was seated in a corner of honor by the window under a special wedding curtain, and then she was given a child in her arms—someone’s first-born son. This is a wish for her to have sons. The bride caresses the child and gives him something as a gift. Guests come to the wedding with gifts. Women give pieces of cloth, rugs, sweets, and money. Men - money or sheep. Moreover, men always give the gift themselves. And then - a feast on the mountain.
After the refreshments there is another performance. The bride is brought out to the guests, from whom they ask for water. Everyone says something, jokes, discusses the girl’s appearance, and her task is not to talk back, because verbosity is a sign of stupidity and immodesty. The bride can only offer a drink of water and wish the guests health in the most laconic form.
Another performance game is organized on the third day of the wedding. The bride is led to the water with music and dancing. The attendants throw cakes into the water, then shoot them, after which the bride, having collected water, returns home. This - ancient rite, which must protect the young woman from the merman. After all, she will walk on water every day, and the merman has already been lured with a treat and “killed.”
On this evening, the marriage is registered, in which the trusted father of the bride and the groom participate. Usually the mullah, on behalf of the father, gives consent to his daughter’s marriage, and the next day the bride becomes the young mistress of the house. According to the old Chechen custom, the groom should not appear at own wedding. That's why he's in wedding games does not participate, but usually has fun at this time in the company of friends.
Attitude towards a woman
A woman-mother among Chechens has a special social status. Since ancient times, she has been the mistress of fire, a man is only the master of the house. The most terrible Chechen curse is “so that the fire in the house goes out.”
Chechens have always attached great importance to women as custodians of the home. And in this capacity she is endowed with very special rights.
No one except a woman can stop a fight between men based on blood feud. If a woman appears where blood is flowing and weapons are clanging, the mortal battle may end. A woman can stop the bloodshed by removing the scarf from her head and throwing it between the combatants. As soon as a blood enemy touches the hem of any woman, the weapon aimed at him will be sheathed: now he is under her protection. By touching a woman's breast with his lips, anyone automatically becomes her son. To stop a quarrel or fight, a woman would let her children take a mirror to those who were chopping - this acted as a ban on civil strife.
According to Western tradition, the man will let the woman pass first as a sign of respect. According to Chechen, a man, respecting and protecting a woman, always walks ahead of her. This custom has ancient roots. In the old days, on a narrow mountain path there could be very dangerous encounters: with an animal, a robber, with a blood enemy... So the man walked ahead of his companion, ready at any moment to protect her, his wife and the mother of his children.
A respectful attitude towards a woman is evidenced by the custom of greeting her only while standing. If it passes elderly woman, it is the duty of any person, regardless of age, to stand up and say hello first. The greatest shame was considered to be disrespect for the mother and her relatives. And for a son-in-law, honoring his wife’s relatives was counted as a virtue for which God could send him to heaven without trial.
Men's etiquette
The basic norms of behavior of a Chechen man are reflected in the concept of “nokhchalla” - see section 1. But for certain everyday situations there are also traditions and customs that have developed over centuries. They are reflected in Chechen proverbs and sayings about how an owner, husband, father should behave...
Conciseness - “I don’t know, no - one word, I know, I saw - a thousand words.”
Slowness - “The fast river did not reach the sea.”
Caution in statements and in assessing people - “A wound from a sword will heal, a wound from a tongue will not.”
Temperance – “Intemperance is stupidity, patience is good manners”
Restraint is the main characteristic of a Chechen man in almost everything related to his household chores. According to custom, a man will not even smile at his wife in front of strangers, and will not take the child in his arms in front of strangers. He speaks very sparingly about the merits of his wife and children. At the same time, he must strictly ensure that no man’s affairs and responsibilities fall on his wife - “The hen, which began to crow like a rooster, burst.”
A Chechen reacts to obscene language as if it were a particularly serious insult, especially if the curse involves a woman. This is due to the fact that the biggest shame is if a woman from the family allows herself any relationship with a stranger. In the republic, although rarely, there were cases of lynching of women for free behavior.
The concept of male beauty for Chechens includes tall stature, broad shoulders and chest, thin waist, thinness, fast gait - “You will know what he is like by his gait,” people say. The mustache carries a special, symbolic burden - “If you don’t behave like a man, don’t wear a mustache!” For those who wear a mustache, this strict formula is accompanied by three prohibitions: do not cry from grief, do not laugh from joy, do not run away under any threat. This is how a mustache regulates the behavior of a Chechen man!
One more thing. They say that the leader of the rebel highlanders, Shamil, who was going to surrender, was called out to him several times by his faithful associate. But Shamil did not turn around. When he was later asked why he did not turn around, he replied that he would have been shot. “Chechens don’t shoot in the back,” Shamil explained.
Special numbers - 7 and 8
One of the Chechen fairy tales talks about the young man Sultan, who courted a girl for exactly 8 years. For an infant, according to Chechen customs, you cannot show a mirror until the age of eight months. In the Vainakh version of the myth of Adam and Eve, the first man and woman separated different sides to find a mate; Eve said that on her way she crossed eight mountain ranges. Chechen tradition presupposes that a woman knows eight generations of her maternal and paternal ancestors. A man must have knowledge of the seven ancestors.
These examples show that Chechens associate the number 8 with a woman, and the number 7 with a man. Seven essentially consists of ones. The eight, consisting of four twos (otherwise - from pairs) reflects motherhood, the principle of generating one's own kind. Thus, digital symbolism shows the special, prevailing place of women in society, which came from ancient times, in comparison with men. This is also emphasized by the well-known Chechen proverb - “If a man spoils, the family spoils, if a woman spoils, the whole nation spoils.”
Chechens give special meaning heredity through the female line. Thus, the expression “mother’s tongue” is used when a person’s worthy behavior is noted, and the expression “mother’s milk” is used when one is condemned for an unseemly act. To this day, a Chechen has the right to take a wife of any nationality, but a Chechen woman is not encouraged to marry a foreigner.
Mutual assistance, mutual assistance
When meeting, every Chechen will first ask: “How is it at home? Is everyone alive and well?” When breaking up, it is considered a rule good manners ask: “Do you need my help?”
The custom of mutual labor assistance goes back to ancient times. In those days, harsh living conditions forced the mountaineers to unite for agricultural work. Peasants tied themselves together with one rope to mow grass on a steep mountainside; the entire village reclaimed areas for crops from the mountains. In any misfortune, especially if the family lost its breadwinner, the village took upon itself the care of the victims. Men did not sit down to the table until part of the food was taken to a house where there was no male breadwinner.
Greetings young man for older people must include an offer of help. In Chechen villages it is customary if old man starts some kind of housework, take part in it like a neighbor. And often it is the volunteer helpers who start the work.
The tradition of mutual support has developed among the people responsiveness to the misfortune of others. If there is grief in the house, then all the neighbors open the gates wide, thereby showing that the neighbor’s grief is his grief. If someone dies in the village, all fellow villagers will come to this house to express condolences, provide moral support, and, if necessary, financial assistance. Funeral arrangements for Chechens are entirely taken care of by relatives and fellow villagers. A person who has been absent from the village for some time receives upon arrival full information about the events that happened without him, including misfortunes. And the first thing he does upon arrival is express condolences.
“A neighbor nearby is better than relatives far away,” “Rather than live without human love, it is better to die,” “The unity of the people is an indestructible fortress,” says Chechen wisdom
Hospitality
According to legend, the ancestor of the Chechens, Nokhchuo, was born with a piece of iron - a symbol of belligerence - in one hand and with a piece of cheese - a symbol of hospitality in the other. “Where a guest does not come, grace does not come”, “A guest in the house is a joy”, “The longer the guest’s path to your home, the more valuable this guest is”... Many sayings, legends, and parables are dedicated to the sacred duty of hospitality among the Chechens.
Hospitality is especially evident in rural life. To receive guests, each house has a “guest room”; it is always ready - clean, with fresh linens. No one uses it, even children are prohibited from playing or studying in this room. The owner must always be ready to feed the guest, so at any time in the Chechen family food was specially set aside for this occasion.
For the first three days, you are not supposed to ask the guest anything: who he is, why he came... The guest lives in the house as if he were an honorary member of the family. In the old days, as a sign of special respect, the daughter or daughter-in-law of the owner helped the guest take off his shoes and outerwear. The hosts provide a warm and generous welcome to the guest at the table. One of the basic rules of Chechen hospitality is to protect the life, honor and property of the guest, even if this involves a risk to life.
According to Chechen etiquette, the guest should not offer any payment for the reception. He can only give a gift to the children.
The Chechens have always followed the ancient custom of hospitality. And they showed it to anyone good man, regardless of his nationality.
A Chechen greeting is in direct connection with hospitality. When greeting, they open their arms, that is, they open their hearts, thus expressing purity of thoughts and sincerity in their attitude towards a person.
Adat in modern Chechnya
Adat - from Arabic “custom” - customary law among Muslims, in contrast to spiritual law - Sharia. The norms of adat developed under conditions of dominance of tribal relations (blood feud, twinning, etc.). Adat regulated the life of the community and marriage and family relations. This set of ethical norms, traditions and rules of conduct has been one of the specific forms of organization since ancient times. public life in Chechnya.
The Chechen ethnographer Said-Magomed Khasiev spoke about the role of adat in the life of modern Chechnya in an article published in the newspaper for the Chechen diaspora “Daimekhkan az” (“Voice of the Fatherland”). CM. Khasiev writes: “There are adats that elevate a person’s dignity, helping him become better. They are opposed by adats, which the Chechens call mountain-pagan (lamkersts). They are not followed by the majority of society. Here is an example related to a folk legend. Once an abrek (robber, people's defender) Zelimkhan met a woman overcome with grief on a mountain road. The famous abrek asked what happened. “They took my baby away,” the woman replied. Zelimkhan set out on a search and soon saw two men carrying a child in their Circassian coats. Abrek asked for a long time to peacefully return the child to his mother, he conjured God, his parents, his ancestors, but to no avail. And when he started making threats, the men hacked the baby to death with daggers. For this Zelimkhan killed them. – According to Chechen adats, you cannot raise your hand not only against a baby, but also against a teenager under the age of majority, a woman, or an old man retirement age. They are not even included in the circle of revenge. However, those who follow the mountain-pagan adats can even kill a woman in the name of revenge.
Another example is related to folk tradition. We are talking about a horse thief who died after falling from a stolen horse. Mountain pagan morals dictate that the owner of the horse be responsible for this death. But real adats emphasize the direct guilt of the deceased himself: the person encroached on someone else’s property, and therefore his relatives are obliged not only to return the horse, but also to give its owner a gift as an apology.
Examples from social life. Adats oblige a person to be responsible for order in the area where he lives. One center of his life is the house (hearth), the other is the social center of the settlement (Maidan, square). If, for example, a fight occurs in the square, then compensation for damage (material or physical) will be charged the greater, the further from the place of the fight the center of the rioter is located. Adats also provide for different compensation for the same wound on the right and left side bodies.
According to adat requirements, a young man who kidnaps a girl without her consent is obliged to ask if she has a boyfriend whom she would like to marry. If they answer that there is, then the kidnapper sends a message to that person: I have taken your bride. Thus, he became an intermediary, a friend of the groom. Sometimes between warring families, through such an act, reconciliation was achieved, family ties.
In Chechen society now there are people who observe the norms of traditional adat, and there are also those who follow mountain-pagan morals. Such people are characterized by theft, arrogance, impudence, and the desire to use force. They can steal a girl, abuse her, kill her.”
CM. Khasiev believes that now in Chechnya it is necessary to popularize traditional adats in every possible way, strictly emphasizing their difference from mountain-pagan morals. This is the path to restoring moral and ethical standards in society.
“Recovery will begin only then,” writes S-M. Khasiev, - when everyone learns to ask themselves: what did I do today that was good, kind, and useful? According to ancient Chechen belief, every day a person is given a chance to do good nine times and to do evil nine times. Don't even step on a bug on the road, stay away from bad word, drive away a bad thought from yourself - on this path you can do good. On this path, a healthy moral and ethical atmosphere of society is formed.”
In the family circle
Attitude towards elders. The unshakable rule of every Chechen family is respect and care for the older generation, especially parents.
Not only the son and daughter, but also other family members, including grandchildren, take care of the elderly. In Chechen, grandfather is called “big father,” and grandmother is most often called “mother.” Children can sometimes disobey, not fulfill the request of their father or mother, and they will be forgiven for this. But it is completely unacceptable to disobey your grandfather, grandmother, other older relatives or neighbors.
Not to stand up when old people appear, or to sit down without their persistent invitation, means demonstrating bad Education. Tradition does not allow drinking alcohol in the presence of parents or any older relatives. You should also not speak to elders in a raised tone or behave cheekily.
If the parents do not live with one of their sons, then the children are emphatically attentive towards them: for example, best products They are always taken to their parents' house. In rural areas, as a rule, a separate house is placed in the yard for the elderly. This is a long-standing custom: there, the elders in the family are given maximum comfortable conditions for life, appropriate to their needs and age.
Family responsibilities. Most Chechen families have many children. In addition, several brothers often live with their families in the same yard or in the same village. Over the centuries, the rules of family relationships have evolved. In general terms, they are like this.
Conflict situations, quarrels between women, children, and the like are resolved by the eldest man or woman in the yard.
The mother of children, if they were offended, should never complain to her husband. As a last resort, she can turn to any relative of her husband. Although it is considered a rule of good manners not to pay attention to children’s grievances, quarrels, and tears.
Chechen children know that it is their uncle who will readily respond to any of their requests and help. He would rather refuse something to his child, but without very serious reasons he would never leave the request of the children of his brothers and sisters unanswered.
The rules of family relationships presuppose the responsibilities of the younger ones to the older ones, and vice versa. The older generation is responsible for strengthening family ties. Parents must maintain an atmosphere of harmony and mutual understanding in their sons' families. In this case, special correctness is required in relation to the daughter-in-law. Thus, the father-in-law must be extremely delicate towards the wives of his sons: in their presence one cannot drink alcohol, swear, or violate the dress code accepted in the Chechen family.
"Family honor" It is customary among Chechens to attribute both the merits and demerits of an individual to the account of his entire family. An unseemly act will cause many relatives to “blacken their faces” and “hang their heads.” And about worthy behavior they usually say: “Nothing else could be expected from the people of this family” or: “The son of such a father could not have acted differently.”
Raising Children in the Spirit family traditions, the Chechens instill in them the quality of “yakh”, which has the meaning of healthy competition - in the sense of “being the best.” The elders’ instructions sound something like this: “You must have yah. Under no circumstances should you be worse than your comrades. Don’t offend the weak, no matter who he is, and don’t be the first to offend anyone.”
Good day to all! I am Chechen! My name is Kheda, I was born and raised, I have lived in Chechnya all my life! My father is a mountain Chechen, and my mother is Russian. I want to say right away that I have never talked to guys of a different nationality, my brothers would have simply killed me for that. I want to talk about our Vainakhs, since our guys often communicate with girls of other nations and deceive them. You know, I really feel bad for the girls, I swear, when I see how our men treat them. I'm not talking about all Chechens, I'm talking about the majority. There are many stories on the forum where Russian girls communicated with Chechens, tolerated their temper for years, even forgave assault, and then these guys married their Chechen girlfriends and broke the girls’ hearts. Girls, my dears, I ask you, you shouldn’t waste your nerves on a Chechen. Not a single guy is worth forgiving beatings, betrayals... It’s just that our guys, they rarely take Slavic women seriously, most just fool the girls’ heads... Rarely in any cases do our guys marry someone other than Vain. And they lie that “my parents are against it” and that “my parents got me married.” Nobody forcibly marries guys anymore. This hasn't happened for a long time. The guy is a ram, do you think that you can take him and marry him?! Even a girl is rarely forced into marriage, but there is no such thing about guys in general. It’s just a standard excuse when a guy hangs noodles on a Russian girl!
The second point is that guys allow themselves to raise their hands on a woman. For me this is completely unforgivable. If a guy, meeting a Vainashka, had even laid a finger on her, he would have been buried alive among us! Such things are not forgiven here. After the wedding, this could happen, although there is also a possibility that if the brothers find out, they will take the girl home and beat him themselves! If our guys behave this way towards you, don’t allow it. You shouldn't forgive people like that, they don't change. Once he raised his hand, he doesn’t respect you or your family, and you shouldn’t forgive such a person, much less dream of marrying him. RUN.
Don't let anyone treat you like that, that's my advice. If a guy loves you, he will marry, even though the whole world will be against it. And if he excuses himself, raises his hand, cheats on you, then he doesn’t love you. And you shouldn’t waste your nerves or your health on such a man. Believe me, girls, you are alone, but there are many guys and you will find someone worthy.
My opinion is that it is better to marry your nation, because your own is always closer. If you marry a Vainakh guy or just a Muslim, you will have to completely rebuild your life. What is normal for a Russian is not normal for a Chechen and vice versa. Are you ready to change the religion you grew up in for the sake of your loved one? Change your entire lifestyle? Leave old habits? This is very, very difficult, I know since my mother is Russian and I saw how she suffered throughout her life, I would not wish such a fate on anyone!
Now I’ll tell you why I think so.
My mother got married at 17 years old. She met her father when she was 15. Dad was 26 years old when they met. He worked in the city where my mother lived. I came, saw her, fell in love. Mom was very beautiful, and is still beautiful! Light, naturally blonde, she had very long curly hair and huge blue eyes with a violet tint. Well, just like a doll, I sometimes envy even when I look at her photos in her youth. My dad was an athlete, he wrestled all his life, tall, strong, dark-haired, brown eyes. Before my mother, he was married and had a son, he has a difficult character, so his first wife (a Chechen) couldn’t stand it and left! Mom was studying at school, dad saw her by chance and looked after her, he looked after her very nicely, gave flowers and gifts. Mom fell in love with him because she had never communicated with anyone before, and then such a man began to court him, a wealthy, athlete. Her parents (my grandparents) were very against their relationship, because dad is 10 years older, and also not Russian. They were afraid for their daughter. They said that he would take a walk and quit, they didn’t let him go to meetings, they locked the house - everything was useless. Mom jumped out through the first floor window and still went on dates. Her father even beat her hard to keep her at home. When my dad found out about this, he came to talk to my grandfather so that he wouldn’t touch my mother again, but my grandfather didn’t even let him into the house. As a result, my father had to go back and he kidnapped my mother to marry her when she was leaving school. He just threw him into the car and took him to Grozny. There were many proceedings later with the police, my father was put on the wanted list, but he still did not give up my mother. He brought it to his parents (they all lived together in a big house). Of course, his parents were against it, very much against it, they even told him to return the girl home and promised to find him a good Chechen girl, but dad was adamant.
As a result, my mother was accepted, she got married and converted to Islam. At first it was very difficult for her, because she was just a girl, and her mother-in-law was unhappy and hated her. Even once, my father’s mother locked my mother in the basement in the winter so that she would freeze, but then she felt ashamed. My father did not let my mother study further; he closed the house. She very much regretted that she married her father, he was jealous of her, did not allow her to go out alone, once her mother went to the store without a scarf, and the neighbors saw it. When dad found out, he hit her. Even when they were invited to a wedding, and my mother went out to dance, he later hit her at home for this. He said she would do this one more time and he would kill her. Many Chechens are very jealous and possessive. If it's mine, it's mine. That's what they think. Mom forgot to wear trousers and began to wear only below-the-knee shorts and floor-length dresses. All the neighbors were discussing her, because she was Russian, a lot of bad luck was said about her mother, they made up gossip!
They even wanted to marry my father again to a Chechen woman, although he was already married to my mother, they just brazenly tried to set me up with someone. And one person (a Chechen woman) almost hung herself on his neck, although she knew that he was married. Mom suffered a lot from all the people and ruined her health. She got married and has been putting up with her father’s family and my dad all her life. They have a very different mentality, and my mother was raised differently than Chechens, which seemed strange to us normally. Perhaps if her father had not taken her away by force, her life would have turned out differently. He really ruined her life, and he himself could have been much happier without all these problems if he had listened to his parents and married a Chechen!
His mother raised his son from his first marriage and gave birth to three more children. I have younger sister and brother. I love my family very much, and I’m glad that my parents are such wonderful people, but I really think that if they weren’t so stubborn, they could be much happier!
We, their children, grew up seeing scandals, seeing assault in the family and disrespect from the mother-in-law for the daughter-in-law! If my mother were Chechen, Vainashka, my father would not behave like that with her, because he would know about the consequences! My dad always says that he will kill anyone who lays even a finger on me, but this is how he treats my mother.
I hope this story will be instructive for many Russian beauties who communicate with the Vainakhs! Girls, I beg you, think, it’s really very difficult, do you really want such a fate for yourself?! It will be much easier with a guy of your own nationality, believe me, my dears. I wish every girl only the best, my dears. Think a hundred times before tying yourself into a relationship, let alone marriage, with a Muslim man.
There live a proud people who love independence and their homeland. Its representatives have special features of appearance, character, and upbringing. Chechens, whose appearance is very recognizable, are located far beyond the borders of their homeland.
Chechen religion
Before the advent of Islam, these people worshiped a group of gods associated with nature and everyday life. And only in the 13th century Islam began to spread in Chechnya. By the end of the 18th century, Chechnya would become completely Muslim.
Now the predominant religion in Chechnya is Islam. These are mainly the teachings of Sufism - Nadiri or Naqshbandi. They, in turn, are divided into vird brotherhoods, of which there are more than 30.
The largest group is the Zikrists. They are followers of Sheikh Kunta-Hadzhi Kishiev.
Life and way of life of the Caucasian people
The main settlements of the Chechen people are auls. Tourist houses, in which the most important thing is a leak-proof roof, are very clean and bright inside. For those who live in the mountains, this is not so noticeable. There are no window frames, just shutters and an awning in front of the door to protect from the weather.
A special oven is built in the courtyard of each house, in which very tasty homemade bread is baked.
In fact, the mountaineers are completely unpretentious in food; they are content with flat cakes, corn porridge, barbecue or stew.
The main activities of the people are:
- cattle breeding;
- beekeeping;
- arable farming;
- hunting.
Women's occupations are raising children, caring for the house, and the mood of everyday life. In addition, they weave very beautiful carpets, sew dresses and shoes.
Appearance of men
According to anthropological data, Chechens are not any single type. The appearance of Chechens can be attributed to the Central Asian race.
They are characterized by medium or tall height, strong physique, upturned or aquiline nose, strong-willed chin, thick eyebrows. U mixed type hair can be either jet black or light brown. It’s the same with eyes; there are people with both dark brown eyes and light green ones.
The main feature of the appearance of the Chechens is dolichocephaly, that is, their head shape is longer than that of other Caucasian peoples. Many men wear a beard or mustache, which gives them even more masculinity.
The menacing nature, strength and courage inherent in men are to some extent reflected in the appearance of Chechens. The firm and direct gaze shows the unbending will and stubbornness of these beautiful mountaineers.
The characteristic features of the appearance of Chechens are a slightly protruding face and strict contours of the face.
Appearance of women
There are a lot of people in Chechnya beautiful women. Instagram is filled with selfies of beautiful, young and well-groomed girls.
They have big eyes, starting from black and ending with light green, perfect shape eyebrows, a prominent nose, a wide, gracefully contoured face, beautifully defined lips and long hair. It’s true that as you get older, your face gets rougher and becomes very tough.
As a rule, women cover their heads, but recently many young girls allow themselves to go bareheaded. At least until marriage.
Despite the fact that Muslim women in neighboring countries allow themselves to wear trousers or jeans, Chechen girls they do not dare to do this, giving preference long skirts and dresses.
Already from school, young girls are required to wear scarves on their heads, which they later replace with beautiful hijabs and stoles.
Special attention modern girls are given to accessories. If this is a bag, then it must be from famous brand. If shoes, then good quality sneakers.
Perhaps the most famous and beautiful Chechen women- This:
- Zarema Irzakhanova;
- Amina Khakisheva;
- Zamira Dzhabrailova;
- Makka Sagaipova;
- Tamila Eldarkhanova and many, many others.
Character of the people
Nokhchalla - this is how one can characterize in one word the whole essence of a Chechen. Appearance, inner feeling of oneself as a person with dignity, attitude towards life and towards people - all this is included in the word “nokhcho”.
That is, this is a kind of honor for a Chechen. The way they build relationships in the family, in love, in friendship, at work - this is nokhchalla.
Chechens revere so much friendly relations that they can give their life for a friend. Friendship is sacred for them. Highlanders support a friend in any situation.
Attitude to female special. They always behave with restraint in the presence of women, stand up when meeting and do not allow anyone to say anything unnecessary.
A Chechen man will never allow himself to hit a woman, or especially a child. They don’t want to instill cowardice in their children, so physical punishment completely absent. If a highlander hits a girl, then his entire family will be responsible for it.
If it happens that the wife cheated on her husband, then he has the right to kick her out of his home, demanding her return.
Chechens are cheerful, hospitable people. Yes, the appearance of Chechen men sometimes strikes fear into the hearts of people of other nationalities, but this does not mean that they are actually so cruel.
Although in fairness it should be said that the centuries-old struggle for the lands has developed in them fearlessness, courage, dexterity, indomitability and endurance. Even the enemies of this people cannot help but admit this.
Chechen traditions
The traditions of the Chechens date back to ancient times, and most of them are still observed to this day.
For example, a man is required to get up when an elderly woman enters the house. If he goes out onto the street with a woman, he must walk one step forward so that in case of danger the blow falls on him.
If a girl gets married, her husband’s family controls her future. The mother-in-law raises her as she sees fit, transferring all household chores into her hands.
Touching a man's headdress is considered a great insult.
Chechens are not used to showing their feelings for everyone to see. A Chechen must behave respectfully towards any person.
“When we poured the underground wine into the toilet, it turned acid pink.”
On October 5, Ramzan Kadyrov turns 40 years old. On the eve of the anniversary, the newly elected head of the Chechen Republic called it “the most stable region” in Europe.
Our special correspondent studied the secret life of the capital of Chechnya, Grozny, visiting a secret alcohol store, a nightclub and learning the peculiarities of local gender relations.
One of the main achievements of the hero of the day was the “prohibition law” he introduced seven years ago - stricter than Mikhail Gorbachev established in 1985 for the entire USSR. Throughout Chechnya there are only a few stores where alcohol is sold strictly from 8 to 10 am. And yet you can drink here at night, but you cannot raise a toast to the health of the birthday boy.
"Don't look me in the eye"
“Don’t look me in the eyes,” the hospitable Chechen Rustam with a Ramzan-like beard admonished me at the entrance to the post-war symbol of the republic - the Grozny City high-rise building. On the upper floors of these towers is the only place in the entire republic where alcohol is legally sold not in the morning, but in the afternoon and evening. They no longer serve food at night: the restaurant closes exactly at midnight.
This was arranged for visitors, so that Chechnya would give the impression of a modern, hospitable entity, living like the rest of Russia,” my guide explained. - There are laws here. Follow them and you will make a good impression on the locals.
The symbol of the restored republic is the Grozny City skyscraper.
Most of the rules, of course, are for women. In Chechnya, one is considered one from the moment of puberty, that is, from the age of 11–12. A woman of any age and social status does not walk alone here - neither at night nor during the day.
A Chechen woman is always under supervision and must be accompanied by someone - a man (he walks in front), another woman, or, in extreme cases, a child, even an infant. Of the men, a woman can be accompanied by: husband, brother, father, relative, distant relative, or, in extreme cases, a respectable long-term family friend, although this is undesirable. A woman cannot have male acquaintances whom only she knows, much less friends among male acquaintances.
A man, except for his closest relatives like a husband or father, is strictly forbidden to touch any woman, and a woman is strictly forbidden to touch any man. When meeting, Chechen acquaintances, work colleagues, housemates, students of the same educational institution or their parents, if they are of different genders, do not kiss, hug, pat on the shoulder, or shake hands.
And what if a woman goes with a man to the mountains, he will not shake hands with her at the dangerous crossing?
“He won’t,” Rustam snapped. - Why does a woman even go to the mountains? This is the business of men, this is a test for the horseman. If she’s going there, then let her test herself too and not wait for help. I would offer my hand only if she was falling into the abyss, why take the sin on my soul? But even then through force: touching a woman is an insult to her, which means she is taken for a person of easy virtue.
Another prohibition for women - not to look a stranger in the eye when communicating - is also asked to be observed not only by locals.
At the same time, in Chechnya everyone is very polite, and a woman should be the first to greet any unfamiliar man indoors, for example, in a store. When greeting, you need to smile and look the passerby in the eyes, but only this time. Further, if a stranger asks you what time it is, how to get to the library, or rather, to the mosque, you should answer, modestly looking down.
This is how they live: in the same restaurant in high-rise buildings, a male waiter looks at a female client or a cook, but they don’t look at him.
In the very center of Grozny, directly opposite the “Heart of Chechnya” mosque, there is the only place in the entire republic where people drink openly after sunset.
In the evening, the dress code for women here is the same as in daytime: dresses and skirts - below the knees, preferably to the floor; sleeve - below the elbow. Pants are disguised with a tunic or knee-length jacket; combining them with a blouse is vulgar. No cleavage or bare backs; a cutout at the back of the skirt is not allowed. Hairstyle - if not under a scarf, then at least collected, no loose hair.
But in this restaurant the morals are dissolute,” Rustam continues, “I cannot determine from his gaze his attitude towards “dissolute morals”, since I do not look him in the eyes.
One of its towers is given over to a hotel - but people usually live in it less people than visiting the restaurant at the very top.
The second tower is a business center, but the offices are mostly empty. The rest are like residential buildings, apartments, all purchased, mostly by officials or those close to the authorities for the appearance of filling 18-40-story buildings. But practically no one really lives in them: officials have their own family homes, the meters in the “City” are needed for show. It was here that Depardieu was given an apartment - he sold it and never appeared in the republic again.
If the French actor had stayed, he would have been riding in his tower on a miracle elevator that even Arab sheikhs would envy.
The system of use is amazing. When calling one of the four elevators, the passenger at the bottom presses the number of the desired floor. The system thinks for a few seconds and gives an answer - whether elevator A, B, C or D will arrive. All this is so that women and men do not cross paths again: during one trip, the elevator serves one client and does not pick up others “along the way.”
The Islam elevator took me to a restaurant nicknamed by my escort “a nest of debauchery.” The assortment is wide, but a glass of cheap Krasnodar dry red wine costs the same as a bottle of expensive French champagne.
Here you are allowed to dance in a separate area. Dances are only non-contact, such as Lezginka. Only none of the Chechens were having a blast on the dance floor. Out of all the alcohol, visitors modestly ordered wine.
What brand did you buy yesterday? Don't remember the picture on the label: tree or house? - the senior manager, called by the waiters to help, tried to understand what the guests wanted. - Did the bottle have a cork or a cap?
“I thought there would really be wine there?”
Well, here's to a peaceful sky over Grozny! For the friendship of peoples! - Abdullah suggested, and we clinked glasses of red.
Hanging out in a hotel restaurant is very expensive and not at all interesting. You won't be able to get drunk and act out there - gatherings take place under the supervision of security guards armed with machine guns. So I “moved out” of the complex and found Abdullah for myself.
Abdullah (left) and his friends drink red wine with a barbecue - cherry juice.
In Chechnya, a woman does not have the right to meet a man on her own: only friends or relatives can introduce them, and these acquaintances have one goal - to create a family. You can’t “just walk” with a man. And before the wedding, all meetings must take place in the presence of someone else.
But there is a loophole for girls - the Internet. Using the Internet, you can make an appointment yourself, without intermediaries. Chechens are on all sorts of websites, all with one goal - to arrange a date.
I found Abdullah through social networks. It seemed like the whole of Putin Avenue, where my friends live, came out to look at him to decide whether he could be trusted with me: on a date, a woman still has to get permission from those who are looking after her. After half an hour of questioning, my family friends let us go.
First we went to an anti-cafe - the fashion for establishments popular in big cities, where you pay not for the amount of food eaten and drunk, but for the time spent inside, has finally reached Grozny.
Desperate paper battles were going on inside. Board games, which are asked to be brought from America whenever possible, just like jeans once were. This fall's hit is the adventure game "Africa": you need to be the first to create a specific route across the Dark Continent using your ingenuity.
Gambling is prohibited, but here we bet big,” the Chechens at the next table boasted. I couldn’t look at the guys, but I could look at their money. Upon closer inspection, they turned out to be not from the Bank of Russia, but from the “joke bank.”
In Chechnya you can play for money, but only with toy money. The hit of the season is the adventure game “Africa”, imported from America.
In all ordinary cafes the picture is the same: no cigarettes, hookahs, alcohol, or games for money. When we visited all the catering establishments, Abdullah took me to the most promenade place on the very outskirts of Grozny - to the “kebab street”.
This is one continuous row of kebab shops, twenty tents. They grill kebabs from everything except pork, even camels. And they are marinated in a hundred ways, even in kiwi. So here, at the barbecue, how can you avoid being found guilty?
Do you want red or white? - in the tent with the sonorous name “Powerful Juicy Kebab” the choice is more interesting than in “Grozny City” itself.
They grill kebabs from everything except pork, even camels. And they are marinated in a hundred ways, even in kiwi.
Red! Dry if possible! - I was happy.
“We have the same type,” the barbecue man laughed.
Three minutes later they brought us a jug and glasses for whiskey - they didn’t have wine glasses. We poured and clinked glasses for peaceful Grozny and the friendship of peoples. Oh, there’s cherry juice in the glass!
Did you really think there would be wine there? - Abdullah laughed. - No, you can’t have it anywhere, even on this street, but sometimes you want to have a barbecue. So they came up with a trick: pour juice into glasses. Those who want red - cherry, those who want white - grape. Well, we will!
“Here are the sluts”
She said that she liked the red ball so much, oh, what are they doing! - Ibrahim, with whom he introduced me, said tensely best friend Abdullah. He recommended him as the most reckless Chechen in all of Chechnya. If you can find secret nightlife in Grozny, it’s only with him.
At 5 o'clock in the evening, Ibrahim and I were sitting in the most depraved place, according to his many years of observations, in all of Grozny - a restaurant of national Chechen cuisine in the very center of the city, on Putin Avenue. This restaurant was partly a ceremonial one - delegations and important guests, but the prices here are several times lower. And no alcohol.
Every now and then a boy walked past the windows with a bunch of red and white balloons. As soon as three loudly laughing Chechen girls in heels and skirts a millimeter above the knee (the acceptable minimum; two millimeters above the knee and they can honk from the car) came inside, he came in too. The girls approached the Chechen men having lunch, the boy followed them.
What sluts,” Ibrahim commented angrily when he listened to their conversation in Chechen. - One said: “I like the white ball so much.” And the other: “Oh, the red ball is so beautiful.” And the third... There are no censored words! I just asked her to buy her a balloon! They are still laughing! It is generally forbidden for a woman to laugh in the presence of a man!
It turned out that in Grozny there are such spy rules of secrecy that Stirlitz himself would appreciate. Do you remember how he drew Professor Pleischner’s attention to the conditioned signal - a flower pot?
The Chechens have balls. Red, white - not important, these two colors are simply sold on the market. If a Chechen woman says that she likes the ball, and even more so if she openly asks to buy it, then she is of easy morals. This is almost the only way to meet people in person (not via the Internet), without intermediaries in the form of relatives or girlfriends. Only through the ball - directly into the open is still prohibited.
The most desperate carnal love is among Chechen women,” Ibrahim shared at the table, where, according to his assurance, the shaitan was sitting between us, since where there are only two, there he is.
There is Shaitan, but there is no sex. At all. In Chechnya this word is banned. Not even Ibrahim uttered it, who admitted, looking at the debauchery in the cafe, that at 33 he himself was dating six (!) women at the same time and all of them were someone’s second or third wives, so they lacked male attention. Men have two extremes in this regard - Abdullah, at 37, is still waiting for his one and only remains celibate...
Men sat along Putin Avenue on folding stools and wearing skullcaps. As we passed by, one of them stood up, stepped towards us and waved a hefty wad of five thousand dollar bills right in front of my nose. The real ones, not like in an anti-cafe.
This is our currency exchange,” Ibrahim suggested. - There are also exchangers, but locals change the old-fashioned way - on the street. It's fair and safe here. And the course is good. In general, the whole city in the evening is probably the safest in Russia: crime is zero.
In Moscow, ATMs are only in buildings, here - right in the middle of the street, not guarded by anyone, under the cover of a canopy from a former telephone booth or mailbox.
Therefore, I was not at all scared when we saw about twenty bearded young Chechens sitting in the gateway. They jumped up from their stools. They did not have bundles of banknotes in their hands.
“These guys don’t have any money at all,” Ibrahim whispered. - This is the local labor exchange. A lot of young people in the republic are without work. They sit on stools all day in the hope that someone from the market will give them a task - to unload the goods there...
In all of Grozny there are only two secret shops where they sell alcohol after sunset. One of them is in the microdistrict where Ibrahim lives. We made our way to it through dark, secret alleys.
“Here we have a brothel,” Ibrahim pointed out, waving his hand at an inconspicuous cafe by the side of the road.
That's where we need to go! - Never before have I been so close to the secret Chechen nightlife.
“Are you crazy?” my companion was indignant.
It turned out that a brothel in Chechnya is not called a brothel at all (there are none here - neither overt nor secret), but a place where a man and a woman can meet without a boy with a balloon.
A waitress in a cafe or a car wash lady at a car wash quietly writes her phone number on the receipt - and that’s it, consider her yours, since there are no other reasons for getting to know each other except for pleasure, people don’t get acquainted here just like that,” Ibrahim revealed the scheme that he I've used it myself more than once.
We reached a regular grocery store (there are no supermarkets in Grozny either), and then for the first time Ibragim asked me to be quiet and not ask unnecessary questions:
If our last outlet is closed because of you, I’ll die,” he joked.
The store was completely secretive: inside there were ordinary rows with all sorts of goods, a sleepy cashier. Ibrahim said something quietly in Chechen, and the owner came out. He invited us to go through the white door, which seemed to lead to a warehouse...
We entered and the white door was immediately closed behind us. Inside it was guarded by two Chechens, and I felt that we definitely wouldn’t leave here without shopping... There really was an assortment for every taste. On endless shelves from floor to ceiling there are boxes of vodka, beer, whiskey, wine and... And that's all.
We don’t carry exotics like tequila - they don’t take them,” the owner shrugged.
The prices are reasonable: a bottle of vodka - 100 rubles, beer - 50, whiskey - 2500, wine - 250. We took Georgian semi-sweet - there was no other.
While we were trying to find dry red liquor in an underground liquor store, the Chechen owner stood on guard
The owner carefully wrapped the bottle in several black bags, although there are no cameras anywhere in the stores in Grozny. At the checkout we simply said what was inside. The cashier didn’t check, and the owner was no longer around: in secret liquor stores everything is on trust and they don’t issue a receipt.
“After the second sip I started to choke”
Come on, do it,” Murad looked expectantly and nodded approvingly: they say, be bolder. Ibrahim blocked the retreat from behind and motioned towards his cousin. When I did what they wanted, my vision went dark...
They forced me to shake Murad's hand. For four days in Grozny, not a single man touched me, I did not look into the eyes of any of them - and now I felt like a waitress or a washer who wrote her number on a check.
Murad asked for forgiveness and explained that in Vienna, where he, having become a refugee thirteen years ago, lives and studies to become a lawyer, everyone does this - they shake hands and look into each other’s eyes. They even hug, although he hasn’t tried it himself.
To drink wine from a secret liquor store, Ibrahim took me to his cousin Murad, who lives alone: if “secret night clubs” in Grozny are organized, they are not in entrances, not in attics or basements, but in apartments. But they are really secret - no one takes pictures there, does not advertise their pastime on social networks - open drinking is prohibited.
Chechens, if they want to have a blast, go to Pyatigorsk,” Ibrahim revealed all his cards. - This is the most depraved city in the entire Caucasus, everything is possible there.
Frankly, many would like to live in a secular way in Chechnya, but Ramzan does not allow it,” added Murad. - There are many refugees like me in the republic who grew up during the Chechen wars in Europe and saw what life was like there. I come to my native Grozny for two or three months a year to visit my relatives. I have three uncles, three aunts and a grandmother here. Of course, I miss European nightlife; Grozny is depressing.
Even if they are unwritten, there will still be laws,” Ibrahim objected.
To add to the debauchery, we turned on a music channel that showed modern video clips. Wriggling half-naked girls in Chechnya look completely different in the presence of Chechens. This is the maximum television allowed here, and this is the usual MUZ-TV for us, not in the public domain, but on a paid satellite dish. Porn channels are blocked even on them.
While Ibrahim warmly commented on what he saw, Murad was looking for something to open the Georgian semi-sweet. Even such European Chechens were not used to drinking - there was simply no corkscrew in his house. We pushed the cork with our fingers and a ballpoint pen.
What a wine, what a corkscrew
It was impossible to drink - after one sip my stomach cramped, after the second I began to choke. Ibrahim, with an experienced eye, determined that, most likely, it was a fake, synthetic.
“Yeah,” that’s all Murad said. - Okay, I'll bring you something stronger and safer.
Ten minutes later he returned with two teapots - a teapot and one for boiling water. Yes, in Grozny, as far as I understand, there are no electric kettles: it is believed that a woman should not leave the stove while something is being prepared on it, even tea, and she should not make the housewife’s life easier in this way.
When we poured the wine into the toilet, it turned an acid pink color.
Over tea, Murad complained that he kept a hookah in the house, bought in Vienna, but his friends stole it - they stole everything except one hose.
The only place in the city where you could smoke a hookah was the Damascus cafe on Rosa Luxemburg Street, but it was closed long ago, Ibrahim recalled. - And Kadyrov personally closed the sauna with the girls. We inherited it from Khankala, a Russian military base.
Apart from wine, the rest of our “secret nightclub” in Murad’s apartment was decent: we sat at different ends of the room, did not dance, did not laugh.
Could I come here in a miniskirt? - I asked the guys.
You wouldn’t have gotten there and you wouldn’t have gotten there,” they said without hesitation. - Yes, and at home we wouldn’t let you change your clothes: we love women, but we don’t want them to behave in our presence the way they do in the cafe on Putin Avenue. Laughing in the presence of men, a skirt above the knees is out of the question.
Would you let a Chechen woman drink like me?
No! Never! - the brothers got excited. - A drinking woman is a shame! We allowed you only because you are not ours, not Chechen, because you yourself asked to buy this wine. If you hadn’t asked, we would never have offered it to you in your life. That’s why, in fact, we don’t have either secret or obvious nightclubs: women have nothing to do there, and without them it’s not interesting. And don’t forget that you can’t get acquainted without intermediaries, and the main goal of any nightclub is to get acquainted.
For the second time that evening I felt like a girl asking me to buy a balloon.
But there are no rapes in Chechnya,” Murad changed the topic.
“It’s not true,” Ibrahim disagreed. - There are cases, but they do not reach the police; the law of blood feud precedes them. If a Chechen woman is raped, her relatives will force her to either marry or pay off. If it turns out that she was a virgin, she will be killed immediately.
We quickly finished our tea - at exactly 23.00 I had to be returned home, this is the deadline before which in Chechnya a woman is allowed to go for a walk. On the way, Ibrahim asked me to chew gum: if the Chechens, friends of my family, had smelled that I smelled of alcohol, albeit synthetic, they would not have allowed me to enter the door.
Having returned from the least crowded and decent “night club” in my life, I kept wondering what they do at night, these Chechens, if everything, absolutely everything is prohibited here, and alcohol is made from acetone.
Rustam is raising two sons, Abdullah is nursing his niece and dreams of his own daughter, Ibrahim and Murad are also busy with business.
Once, officials calculated that the birth rate in Grozny is twice the Russian average, and in Chechnya the same number of children are born per year as in St. Petersburg. Although the city on the Neva is five times larger in population than the chaste republic.
I've read stories about interethnic love. I want to tell you a little... My father is Chechen, my mother is Gagauz. Although I grew up not in Chechnya, I was raised in Chechen style, I am a Muslim... Many of my friends met Chechens, in while I was an exemplary girl - I studied, studied and studied again, I didn’t even think about holding hands with someone. At first my friends were in the clouds, praising their Vainakh boyfriends, but then... Basically, they abandoned all of them and left to marry Chechen women. And the most common excuse was “Sorry, but I’m a Chechen, and I can ONLY take a Chechen as a wife.”) This is the first excuse of a Chechen who does not want to marry a Russian girl. A Chechen can it is free to marry a girl of any nationality, a Chechen can also marry a non-Chechen, but in general the marriage of a Chechen with a foreigner is not welcomed, often the family of such a girl even refuses her, sometimes it comes to revenge... But that’s another conversation. Dear girls , if your boyfriend told you that he can only marry a girl of his own nationality, then he simply doesn’t love you, or, what happens less often, he’s afraid of the family’s reaction. But then again, isn’t loving person afraid to do something for the sake of his beloved? Draw conclusions.
Let's move on... One of my friends met with a Chechen guy. She left with a beating. Now she fiercely hates all Caucasians. So, girls, know that a Chechen (who respects the traditions of his people, knows and honors them) will never in his life for anything in the world will not hit a girl (I’m generally silent about beating). According to Chechen adats, a man does not have the right to raise his hand against a woman, and indeed against an old man, a child, a minor teenager, or a baby. And those who raise their hands against a woman are just people , disrespecting neither themselves, nor their people, nor religion. However, this rule is not included in the rite of revenge, since if they have offended the family, then a person has the right to even kill a woman. A Chechen must protect his woman, and not only his own. Women are welcomed only standing, a man should be the first to greet them, among Chechens a woman is, first of all, someone’s mother, sister, wife, daughter, or fiancée. If God forbid someone even lays a finger on a girl (pushes her, for example), it’s not just her brother , but any Chechen who saw this will certainly stand up. Shame on the Chechen who raised his hand against a girl. For an insult to his wife, the husband can kill the offender. But if a woman behaves inappropriately (cheating on her husband), then sometimes it comes to male lynching. You hit? Make your move before it's too late.
I often hear that Chechens are often unrestrained and quick-tempered. But according to adats (I forgot to say, these are not written rules), a Chechen must be restrained. He has no right to show his emotions, even to smile at his wife in front of strangers (especially elders) is considered indecent (I’m silent about shouting and public showdowns) A Chechen must be patient, laconic, reasonable, consistent in his actions and decisions, a Chechen who respects himself will not throw words to the wind. If he said something or swore , then he will definitely do it, no matter what the cost (even if he has to lay down his life).
Here are some other girls who speak about Chechens as if they consider all Russians to be, excuse me, easy behaved. Complete nonsense. In fact, for a Chechen, it doesn’t matter what nationality the girl is, if she behaves inappropriately, then the attitude towards her is appropriate. Chechen girls are very modest , may seem wild to some, but previously, even if a Chechen took a girl by the hand (who was not married to him), he was killed. Now, of course, this is not the case, but the girl’s honor is still inviolable. If a Chechen dishonored a girl, then the family of that Chechen woman can punish with blood, but more often they try to marry off such girls.
One of my friends married a Chechen. He forced her to wear a headscarf. In fact, the girl must decide for herself whether she wants to wear a headscarf. This is a state of mind. You can wear a headscarf, but at heart remain a convinced atheist. But what kind then meaning? Chechen women mostly wear a headscarf at will, because they honor adats. Previously, if two men were fighting on the street, a woman passing by to separate them would run up and, taking the headscarf off her head, throw it between them. They were obliged to stop a fight. No one can force you to wear a headscarf. It all comes from the heart. For example, no one forced me to cover my head, but when I turned 14, I myself came to this decision and wore a headscarf. I have one friend, also a Chechen , wears a hijab, prays 5 times a day, and sits on a dating site and swears (by the way, it is unacceptable for a Chechen woman to use obscene language). This is how it happens.
Let's move on...Bride kidnapping). Often our guys like to joke, “I saw you today when you were going to the store, I’ll steal you tomorrow!” But this, as a rule, has nothing to do with the truth). It’s a kind of entertainment to intimidate a girl with theft. I was often told before that they would steal, etc., but these are jokes. In fact, the theft is planned in advance. And most often the bride is not warned about this (the bride can tell her brother or father, then she is guaranteed complete safety, since they they won’t leave one, and stealing in the presence of brothers is very difficult, almost impossible). Bride kidnapping most often occurs for the following reasons: 1) the girl’s relatives are against her marriage, and she cannot go against their will, even though she loves that young man. 2) the girl doesn’t love him, and he wants to marry her, but he can’t get her consent to the marriage. 3) they love each other and the girl herself asks “steal me, otherwise they’ll give me away for someone else.” and finally 4) just observing a beautiful tradition .Sometimes it happens that the groom dishonors his beloved when he stole it, and she has no other choice but to marry him. Most often, stolen girls marry their kidnappers. If your beloved tells you that he will steal, then most likely he will just jokes. If you are still kidnapped, then again the decision is yours, you can refuse and return home. But the guarantee that if you return and your horseman will not steal you again is small. My cousin I stole my bride 4 times until she agreed)
Girls, if you are going to marry a Chechen, then I hope these couple of tips will help you.
1) be respectful of the traditions of his people.
2) when meeting his parents, do not hug him, do not hold hands, do not kiss, and do not even smile at him, come in modest clothes. It is advisable to wear a skirt below the knees, a loose sweater. It is better to put your hair in a pigtail, light makeup is also acceptable, but in no case vulgar, just a little. It is advisable to come with your parents. help the mother of your chosen one set the table, perhaps help cook, the fact that you are a good housewife will increase your chances of fitting into their family. but not insist on your help if they told you that they don’t need it. You should behave modestly. If you give them a compliment, thank them. You can also say a couple of compliments, but don’t bombard them with them.
3) in marriage you should be patient, flexible, hard-working. You should be restrained, calm, keep the house clean and naturally you will cook.)
And so, good luck to you, girls! I hope that my note will help you a little and at least a little destroy the stereotypes that all Chechens are animals.
ZY I’m getting married soon myself.)
