Many single mothers come to psychologists with the question: “What to do if there is no dad in the family? How should I live, how should I raise my children?” This question is especially relevant for those raising sons. After all, boys need a male role model - but there is none.
In this article I will talk not only about raising courageous boys without the constant participation of their father, but also about princess daughters for whom the presence of their father is also important.
The role of dad in the family
The presence of the father in the family is necessary. And it doesn’t matter whether you are raising a daughter or a son. He shows boys how a man should live, how he should behave, what qualities he should have, introduces him to man's world and teaches men's skills. A woman will never understand how this happens. We women think and perceive everything differently, more sensually. And men are strategic and precise.
It is also important for a girl to have a dad. His love subsequently influences her spiritual development, ability to communicate and understand representatives of the opposite sex. In this regard, communication with her father in childhood is her first experience of communicating with a man. Growing up, she either self-realizes and will happy woman, or will become a gray mouse, with low self-esteem, inability to love and receive love, and will not be able to build happy relationship, own family with a worthy man.
What if there is only mom?
History tells us how hard Europe went through two world wars, losing many representatives of the stronger sex. Women were forced to learn to live without men, to make do on their own in order to provide for their families, raise and educate their children. And it's not in the best possible way affected most subsequent generations in terms of their psycho-emotional development.
But in life - at work, at school, in family, in society - young women communicate with representatives of both sexes. Girls who grew up without a father do not understand exactly how they should behave with men; their behavior and their inner world remain a complete mystery to them.
When a girl communicates with her dad as a child, she already begins to develop certain skills in contact with the opposite sex. Moreover, by analyzing her father’s attitude towards her and her mother, she creates in her subconscious an image of the man with whom she would like to be in the future. If her father is not around, she cannot create her own perfect image, which means it will be difficult for her to understand what she wants from men, from relationships.
How to make up for the lack of a man in the family
If for some reason you don't currently have a husband, you need to find another role model for the boy. It’s good if there is a grandfather - he will cope with the task of replacing the grandson’s father.
In the absence of his grandfather, he will have to find another example - a godfather, an uncle, a coach at a model aircraft assembly group, a hand-to-hand wrestling coach - anyone who can inspire respect in the boy and become a good example to follow. The main thing is that a man must reflect confidence, successful self-realization and the ability to make his family happy.
What is the main function of a man in a family?
That's right - protection. In this regard, we mean both financial and physical protection, if suddenly the need arises.
Take a closer look at the men you know around you with whom your child could often come into contact. Evaluate his qualities - whether he looks happy, confident, how responsible and spiritually strong he is. Determine for yourself who your boy could be like, what you would like to see him in 15-20 years. Having chosen a suitable “candidate” for the male image for the child, ask him to sometimes participate in the child’s life.
It's good if it's yours close friend or a relative - it will be easier to involve him in participation in the baby’s life. Try to arrange so that your son (or daughter) can communicate more often - trips to nature, help with homework, looking after the child from time to time kindergarten or schools.
This way, children will be able to get both models of behavior, see the differences in them, and each will benefit from this experience in communication - boys will see what they should be like in the future, and girls will learn to understand men.
Allow yourself to lean on another man a little, because first of all this is necessary for the happiness of your child.
Common mistakes in raising children on your own
Most often, a woman thinks that the sooner she gets married after a divorce, the better it will be. This is a very common mistake among single moms. After all, you will enter a new marriage with old thinking and expectations. As a result, either the man will try to leave you as quickly as possible, or you will be unhappy with him all your life, since you will not be able to establish a relationship.
The second, no less common mistake is waiting for a man to appear in your life only in order to shift all your problems onto him: responsibility for the financial support of the family, responsibility for happiness in the family, the well-being of children, your own internal harmony, and so on.
Of course, over time this will be the case. But a man should see, and not a tired, tortured, unkempt “aunt”.
You must believe in yourself, accept your life as it is, become happy. And with the arrival of a man, your life will become even brighter. With this mindset, you will quickly find a lover with whom you will truly be happy.
If you become a happy mother, your child will also be happy with you. And with the appearance of a man in your common life the son (or daughter) will receive a model of the behavior of a real man.
If you have problems raising children and communicating with them, it will help you find harmony and improve relationships with others.
With love,
Irina Gavrilova Dempsey
Psychologists have proven that the presence of a man is important for a boy. The teenager feels the lack of a dad acutely. Many women do not understand how to raise a child without a father, especially a son left in care after a divorce. Mothers make a lot of mistakes that affect the character of the adult.
Mom's actions
It is difficult to explain to a child the reasons for what is happening. Many teenagers perceive the news of their parents’ divorce painfully, consider themselves guilty, and suffer psychological trauma. The perfect solution in case of divorce - a conversation with the child. It is necessary to explain the current situation. It is advisable to involve the father in a sincere conversation.
You should tell the teenager about further developments. Discuss the nuances: inform the place of residence and the possibility of visiting the father. Convince him that his father is not abandoning him. Parents love - everything remains the same. The baby must be protected from fear and loneliness. Ideally, a conversation with children about the upcoming divorce takes place before the start of the legal battle.
There is no general scientific opinion about the leading role of parents in raising children. Some psychologists say that basic skills and behavior patterns are instilled by a mother’s upbringing. Character is developed before the age of five. Usually the mother is involved in raising a child of this age entirely or leadingly. But despite this, after a divorce, many women doubt their ability to raise a son without the active participation of the father.
Other psychologists argue that a mother alone cannot raise her son to be a real man. Her duty is to find a worthy father for her own baby. IN otherwise a boy may grow up to be dependent, dependent, and indecisive.
Of course, if a woman is left alone with a baby in her arms, the ideal option would be regular assistance in raising her offspring. It is advisable to contribute to the education ex-spouse. Many argue that only biological father able to love his son strongly and unconditionally. Quite a controversial statement.
Modern men women with children are taken as spouses. They love her offspring in a way that many blood fathers never dreamed of. But there are men from communication with whom a child can draw exclusively negative traits. In this case, it is better to raise the baby alone.
Divorce does not cancel obligations to blood in material and psychological terms.
- The husband strives to see the little one - let him take part in the upbringing. Don't limit his desires.
- Ex-husband does not want to deal with a teenager, you will have to place the responsibility entirely on women’s shoulders.
The boy needs the right prototype. Focusing on him, the baby gradually realizes how a man should behave. The first awareness of gender differences comes early: at the age of one year. A husband, grandfather, stepfather, godfather, uncle, husband of a close friend, neighbor can become a role model.
After the baby reaches three years old, it is recommended to give it to some sports section. With this mom will receive several at the same time positive results.
- Firstly, the boy will have a male mentor - a coach.
- Secondly, the coaches are disciplined and courageous. Looking at him, the baby will gradually begin to adopt masculine behavior.
The trainer will teach you to courageously endure minor injuries: knocked knees, bruises. The mother needs to remain soft and worry about any scratch that appears on her son. If she treats a boy like a man, without showing weaknesses, he will forever understand that women are strong and do not need support. Attitudes towards them in the future will be formed accordingly.
At the age of five, boys develop courage and determination into their character. His actions must be approved by an adult man. This is how the boy learns to overcome obstacles and achieve his goal. It’s a woman’s place to worry and lubricate her knees with brilliant green. A mother should not praise her son that, having fallen from a scooter and hit himself painfully, he overcame painful sensations and moved on. The mother's praise will sound unnatural, excitement will betray insincerity. A child recognizes a lie and becomes a permissive signal for deceptive actions.
A boy needs male understanding for about 10 years. The period of puberty begins. A lot of intimate misunderstandings arise, which the son is embarrassed to clarify with his mother. During this period, the child’s attitude towards women is formed. A boy may blame his mother for the divorce and the absence of his father, become angry for excessive love and care, and show aggression.
The ex-husband, continuing to communicate with his son, can have conversations on “uncomfortable” topics. Obliged to explain to the offspring that those responsible for the divorce do not exist.
Adolescence and adult families do not go smoothly. When a woman does not have a husband who will explain and show by example the behavior of an adult man, the guy begins to “try on” different models behavior. Often this leads to sad consequences.
Common Mistakes
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- Women's mistake is prohibiting father-child visits. After a divorce, a lot of negative emotions and grievances remain. The ex-husband becomes an enemy. To annoy him, many women forbid him to communicate with their son. Such actions leave a negative psychological imprint on the child’s character. It is necessary to lock up bad emotions and encourage communication. Parents help shape the minds of their children. You should never humiliate or insult a father in the eyes of his son.
- You can't replace your father. Mom should exude love, affection, tenderness and femininity. Son needs to be shown correct model behavior of a woman/man;
- Don't consider your family as incomplete or incomplete. This attitude has a negative impact on the child. There are families where the husband is absent and this situation is practically not felt due to maternal care;
- Despite your small age, you can’t “babble”. Excessive softness can be harmful. The boy must learn to be independent. He is a future man who needs not only tenderness, but also firmness and determination;
- A woman should not give up her personal life. The happier the mother, the more comfortable the offspring feels. Often the second spouse communicates wonderfully with adopted child, which allows you to find a way out of conflict situations.
- There is no need to finish everything for your son. If a child does not succeed in something, the mother should not take the initiative and finish it. It's better to explain in soft form how to do it right. Let him learn to finish what he starts. It is necessary to enlist his support in everyday chores. No need for overwhelming tasks. Making the bed, putting away the toys, washing the plate and spoon are quite appropriate tasks;
- Do not push away your child's desire to help. Shows you care - enjoy! So he realizes that he becomes a protector and support for a woman;
- Don't realize your dreams on blood. If you wanted to study ballroom dancing, there is no need to make your dream come true on your son. Him own preferences, often completely different from their parents;
- It is dangerous to forbid friends with peers. The child's opinion cannot be ignored. If friendly relations, according to the mother, will harm the offspring, this will become a life lesson for him. The experience will be remembered for a lifetime.
The child's father died
If family happiness was prevented by death (the husband died), you need to take into account psychological condition mother. After a tragedy, a woman will not be able to quickly restore psychological balance and, as if by magic, behave correctly with her son. When the mother gathers her strength, she must tell her child the truth. The deception will be remembered for a long time. Lying can result in the loss of precious trust.
You should tell your son about your dad’s courage, kindness, and masculinity. Father is an ideal role model for non-family despite death.
It is necessary to praise your son for any positive experience. Praise will help you understand the correctness of actions. Role models are everywhere. Take advantage of fairy tales, films, songs about brave knights, polite gentlemen, strong heroes protecting the weak.
Walking down the street, it’s a good idea to pay attention to men performing some noble deed: saving a kitten, helping a grandmother who cannot cross the road on her own, giving up her seat in a vehicle to a woman. It is necessary to show respect for the son’s opinion and consult as with an adult. Give at least imaginary freedom of action: allow you to choose from two or three options provided by the mother. It will be beneficial to study something together: brands of cars, planets solar system
. The activity should interest the offspring.
Spending time together will give the child the opportunity to realize that he is loved, respected, and appreciated. Carrying out household chores will give the family integrity and provide an opportunity to enjoy communication.
A family is not only a spouse, husband and children living together. Family is devotion, mutual understanding and revenue. It is possible to raise a boy to be a role model without a father. The main thing is to believe in your son and unconditionally accept and understand. Attention! Due to latest changes
in legislation, the legal information in this article may be out of date! Our lawyer can advise you free of charge - write your question in the form below:
Very often mothers are left alone with their sons. How to raise a boy without a father? Raising a son is within the power of a mother alone; believe in yourself and do not think that the absence of a father will lead to educational failure. You can raise a real man from a child if you know how to properly raise a son without a father.
Someone came up with the idea that boys don't cry, and this is firmly rooted in people's minds. There are many studies that have proven that the habit of hiding and restraining one’s feelings leads to unpleasant consequences, ranging from neuroses and depression to psychosomatic illnesses. Oncologists say that internalized stress causes cancer.
In today's society, the most competitive are those who feel people, are capable of empathy, and know how to recognize the danger emanating from others. Physical labor is often replaced by intellectual labor; professions require developed intuition, ability to build relationships and make contact.
How to help a boy understand the complex world of feelings and be in harmony with himself? There is an excellent pedagogical technique: name the feelings. Talk through your child's emotions. For example, he fell and is crying in pain, at this moment you hug him, stroke him and say that it hurts a lot, it’s a shame, he fell, his knee hurts. My son came home from school with a bad grade, you can see that he is angry. Your reaction: “You’re very angry that you got a bad mark!” Such behavior, firstly, builds contact between you and the boy, strengthens trust, the child feels that he is understood, and secondly, teaches little man emotional literacy, helps him understand what he feels and why.
Refrain from denying feelings! This is very important rule. In the same situation with a deuce, the denial of feelings will be: “Yes, this is nonsense! Why are you worried about something stupid?” With a fall: “You didn’t really fall, it didn’t hurt you!” The child will not stop feeling pain and frustration, but there is Great chance that he will no longer come to you with this, he will learn to hide and will cease to be aware of his feelings. Let the child rejoice, cry, laugh and get angry, give him this right.
Down with templates
Provide your son with any toys, not just for boys. It is important for him to reproduce life situations, invent role-playing games. A doll that looks like your son would be a great gift. Not even a baby doll can spoil a boy. You are not afraid that in the future he will become good father? On the contrary, we would be happy about it. Don't put it into his head that "it's for girls" as if it's something bad. Allow your child to explore the world in its diversity.
There is no need to protect the boy from household chores. A single mother has an even more difficult time in everyday life, and her son should be a help. Children have a natural desire to help their parents, do not suppress this. You can buy a set of dishes for the boy, household appliances. There is a wide variety of such things in the toy departments. Let him have his own responsibilities around the house. Never redo your child’s work in front of his eyes, or pull the scoop out of his inept hands. Give him the opportunity to learn to take care of you and your home - this will be useful to him in life, and will give you help and support.
Taking care of mom
Women often forget about themselves while raising children without a husband. Of course, it is difficult to raise a boy without a father, and a girl too. But try not to live as a child, take care of yourself. You can honestly tell your son that mom is tired, so she will sleep for an hour and he needs to play alone. You may not buy the tenth car because mom wanted something for herself. The child must understand these things and appreciate his mother. If you instill empathy for you in your child from childhood, then you will receive true friend, care and protection, and not an adult guy on his mother’s neck.
His attitude towards you is his attitude towards his future wife. If you wish for your son happy family, teach him to take on housework, respect other people's work, sympathize and care. If conditions allow and the child shows a desire, you can have pet and entrust the son with the care of him due to his age abilities. Walking with a puppy early on Sunday morning will teach you to understand that there is not only pleasure in playing with your pet, but also responsibility for it.
Wise mentor
It’s good if there are men in your family with whom the boy will develop relationships. An uncle or grandfather can be a good role model for a boy. If these people deserve your trust, encourage them to communicate with your child, let them take him with them on business, to nature, to training. If there are no such people in your family, pay attention to teenage clubs, clubs and sections in your city. Any child closer to him needs an adult, not a parent, who can pass on his experience, teach something, and become an authority. Even an ordinary school teacher can become such a person.
When raising a son, it is important to pay attention to his physical, creative and intellectual development. If he shows interest, take him to a wrestling or martial arts section. Be sure to consult with your child, find out what he himself wants. Look up the history of the sport on the Internet. Many of them have their own philosophy, which is important for spiritual development person. Sport, which develops fortitude and determination, will be useful to the boy in the future.
It happens that a boy flatly refuses to fight. No need to insist. Choose something else. Perhaps he likes dancing or gymnastics. The easiest way to make a choice is to have full information about options. There is no need to decide for the child and confront him with a fact. Take a trial class at different places, discuss with your son what you liked and what you didn’t. By doing this you will show respect for him, he will answer you in kind. Pay attention to teachers, look for a strong and charismatic personality who can capture the attention of children and interest them.
Human education
One of the problems of single-parent families is that the child does not see models of human relationships between husband and wife. In the future, this leads to the fact that a person does not know how to behave in his family, what it should be like, and rushes around for a long time in search of his other half. It is very important to tell the boy about friendship, honor, and conscience.
Choose good ones good books, where heroes experience adventures, test their strength, cry, laugh, love and make friends. They will tell you how. Try to find time to read them to your son before bed. You can’t teach someone to love books through shouting and violence. Many families even bargain and pay money for the pages they read. But you can teach to love books only by personal example. The child will be drawn into the story read in his mother’s favorite voice, and when you don’t have time, he will start to find out what happened next. And what an incentive for little ones to learn to read!
Personal space
Some parents are very sensitive to the growth of the child and his distance. Single mothers experience this especially acutely. You cannot make a child your partner, grow together with him. This is very dangerous for both him and you. While he is small, his mother is the center of the universe, but this will not always be the case, and that’s normal. Respect your son's personal space! If he asks not to go into school with him, but to accompany him to the gate, there is no need to be offended and insist. Make him feel like an adult, even if he is a second grader. Let the child have the right to his mistakes and their consequences, for example, if he wants to collect his briefcase himself, so be it. He forgot his notebook and received a reprimand - this was his offense, he will learn to understand cause-and-effect relationships. Another advantage of this approach is that the child feels his mother’s trust in him and his strength. If mom trusted him to assemble the briefcase himself, then he can handle it. Of course, in at different ages there will be different degrees of freedom, but they should be there. Overprotection interferes normal development personality.
Younger schoolchildren usually do not yet outline the line of personal space, but after 10 years this becomes important. There is no need to check pockets, read notes, letters found, Personal diary. By doing this you will undermine trust and undermine your relationship with the boy. If you have managed to become not only a parent for him, but also a friend, he himself will tell you what you need. But he has the right not to tell. Show interest in your son's life, but don't be intrusive. If he sees that you are persistently meddling everywhere, this will prompt the teenager to close down and begin to hide his life more carefully from you.
No war
No matter how badly the child’s father treats you, do not drag your child into adult disputes. Your phrase that “dad abandoned us” can become a real trauma for the boy. Children tend to blame themselves for everything that happens in the family. The baby will begin to ask himself questions about why exactly his dad left him, why he didn’t like him, and this is fundamentally wrong. The father will always be a father, and the child will carry pain and resentment toward him throughout his entire life, including for his mother.
Try to behave neutrally, do not pour out all your emotions about this on your child. For kids, mothers come up with a story about where dad went, and you can have a heart-to-heart talk with a teenager, avoiding harsh assessments of the father. A grown-up child is already able to draw conclusions and decide how to approach the situation. Dad is part of the child. By calling your father unflattering epithets in the presence of your son, you seem to transfer them to your beloved child, without thinking about it at all. Do not involve the boy in your war, do not share your pain with him.
If there are relatives or paternal grandparents who love the child and want to communicate, there is no need to forbid them to see each other without good reason. It will only be better for the child if there are more people who love him. If you want to discourage communication, weigh the pros and cons. Ask yourself why you are doing this. If the reason is resentment ex-partner, irritation with his relatives, then perhaps you should step over yourself. A woman who is alien and hostile to you is to your son - loving grandmother. Moreover, while she is busy with her grandson, you can relax or go about your business. Don't refuse help, you need to take care and love yourself. Raising a boy without a father is hard work, but you can do it.
22. 08.2015
Catherine's blog
Bogdanova
Good afternoon, readers and guests of the “Family and Childhood” website. Life presents us with many surprises. And they can be both pleasant and not very pleasant. But these are just temporary difficulties that we need to cope with. Raising and providing for a child alone without a husband is difficult, regardless of whether it is a son or a daughter. However, raising boys is somewhat more difficult than raising girls.
Children who are raised in a complete family take their cues from their parents. What to do when a mother raises her son alone? Who should he take as an example? Or should mom be for two? How to raise a son to be a real man without a father, to instill in him masculinity, courage, and perseverance?
Raising a boy should be based on certain rules that will help raise a worthy person:
Never try to replace your son's father. A mother's masculine behavior can lead to deviations in mental and sexual development and break children's ideas about the purpose of men and women. The son must be clearly aware of his belonging to the opposite sex.
Throw away all stereotypes and prejudices. You don’t need to believe that you will grow “ Sissy" There are sons of single mothers that many are proud of. They are worthy of respect, they are real representatives of the stronger sex!
Remember that the usefulness of a family is not determined by the number of family members. Is it possible to call a family complete where the parents are alcoholics and give birth to children for money?
Do not hesitate to give your son affection, love and care. He still needs your warmth. Give him enough attention, take an interest in his life.
A child definitely needs a worthy male example. It’s very good if the father sees his son at least occasionally. If not, then godfathers, friends, acquaintances, brothers, grandfathers, and other male relatives will come along.
At school, this could be teachers, coaches and others. It is very important that the child spends as much free time as possible with them. Go visit him so that he can see how the head of a family should behave.
Send your son to men's sections: boxing, karate, football, basketball. He will regularly communicate only with boys and male coaches, from whom he will take an example.
Watch movies, cartoons with the boy, read books, notes, look at men's magazines that show clear example worthy men and various men's hobbies.
Don't spoil him. Treat him fairly, communicate like an adult. In this way, you will not raise a whiner, but a strong and self-confident man.
Teach your son to help you and perform certain tasks and manipulations on his own. You shouldn’t do everything for him, as he will become unadapted to adulthood.
Talk to your child more. Talk about your experiences, concerns, ask him for advice, take his opinion into account. And he will begin to trust you. And this is worth a lot!
Tell him about your love without any reason, just like that. But you only need to praise for what you do. This will stimulate him and guide him on the right path.
You should absolutely not overprotect boys, watch their every move, or keep them close to you all the time. Remember, this is a child, especially a boy, and he needs freedom, he just needs to throw out his energy somewhere. If you don't give him that opportunity, it could backfire on you.
Critical period in adolescence can lead to the most unexpected consequences. This is the time when your child is no longer a boy, but not yet a man. He begins to be interested in topics of relationships between the sexes and it is very important that at this moment he has someone to talk to and someone to trust.
It is better that this is a male person, older than your boy, who can set a worthy example and guide him in the right direction.
Let your son experience the world as it is. Let him make mistakes - they will be HIS mistakes. People learn from them. Let him communicate with peers, make new acquaintances, and be friends with girls. This will give him the opportunity to expand his horizons and general understanding of life.
You should not impose your views. Respect him as an individual, he has every right to his personal opinion and worldview.
Share his interests. This will bring you a lot closer.
Remember that your child is not you. He has his own life, let him build it himself. Your task is only to guide you on the true path! Love, respect, appreciate, and your family will be the happiest!
Natalya Kaptsova - practitioner of integral neuroprogramming, expert psychologist
Reading time: 6 minutes
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An incomplete family can be quite cozy for a child, comprehensively developing and fulfilling - the main thing is to organize educational moments wisely. As a rule, a “mother and daughter” family experiences fewer problems, because mother and daughter can always find common topics for conversations, general activities and interests.
But How can a single mother raise her son to be a real man?
, without having that same example before your eyes that your son could look up to?
Remember that you can never replace dad. So be yourself! And what to do with male upbringing - read below.
How a single mother can raise her son without a father as a real man - advice from psychologists
To begin with, every mother who is raising her son alone and sincerely wants to give him the right upbringing should forget the opinion of some people that an incomplete family is equal to raising an inferior man. Don't consider your family inferior – don’t program problems for yourself. Inferiority is determined not by the absence of a father, but by the lack of love and proper upbringing.
Of course, difficulties await you, but you will definitely cope with them. Just avoid mistakes and remember the main thing :
- Don't try to become a dad by raising your child like a soldier - harshly and uncompromisingly. If you don’t want him to grow up withdrawn and angry, don’t forget that he needs affection and tenderness.
- The behavior of a real man must be a model.
This does not mean that you need to change the men around you, looking for the most courageous substitute dad. We are talking about those men who are in every woman’s life - her dad, brother, uncle, teachers, coaches, etc.
Let the baby spend more time with them (after all, someone has to show the boy how to pee standing up). The first 5 years are the most important for a child. It is precisely during this period that a mother needs to give her son the opportunity to take an example from a man. It’s good if she meets a person who will replace the baby’s father, but if this does not happen, do not isolate yourself with the child in your own world - take him to male relatives, go to visit friends, where the man can (even if for a short time) teach the little one a couple of lessons ; send your son to sports. Not to a music or art school, but to a section where a male coach can influence the development of a courageous personality. - Movies, books, cartoons, stories from mom before bed can also serve as role models. About knights and musketeers, about brave heroes saving the world, protecting women and their families. Of course, the image of “Gena Bukin”, American Gigolo and other characters will be a terrible example. Control what your son watches and reads, give him the right books and films, show him on the street with examples of how men protect the streets from bandits, how they give way to grannies, how they support ladies, let them go ahead and give them a hand.
- Don't talk to your son, don't mutilate your language. Communicate with your child as with an adult. There is no need to strangle someone with authority, but over-care will also be detrimental. Raise your son independent of you. Don't worry that this will make him move away from you - he will love you even more. But by locking a child under your wing, you risk raising a dependent, cowardly egoist.
- Don’t do all your child’s work for him, teach him to be independent.
Let him brush his teeth, make his bed, put away his toys, and even wash his own cup.
Of course, there is no need to assign women’s responsibilities to a child. It’s also not worth forcing your son to hammer nails at 4 years old. If something doesn’t work out for your child, calmly offer to try again. Trust in your child, faith in his capabilities is your best support for him. - Don’t brush it off if your baby wants to feel sorry for you, hug you, or kiss you. This is how your child shows concern for you - let him feel strong. And if he wants to help you carry your bag, let him carry it. But go too far in your “weakness”. The child should not be your constant comforter, adviser, etc.
- Do not forget to praise your son for his courage, independence and courage. Praise is an incentive for achievement. Of course, not in the spirit of “What a smart girl, my golden little doll...”, but “Well done, son” - that is, briefly and to the point.
- Give your child freedom. Let him learn to decide for himself conflict situations, to endure if you accidentally fell and broke your knee, to understand good and bad people by trial and error.
- If the father wants to communicate with his son, do not resist.
Let the child learn to grow up under the supervision of a man. If the father is not an alcoholic and is a completely adequate man, then your grievances against your husband do not matter - do not deprive your son of a male upbringing.
After all, you don’t want your son, having matured a little, to go looking for “masculinity” in street companies? - Choose clubs, sections and courses in which men predominate. Sports, computer, etc.
- In your son’s adolescence, another “crisis” awaits you. The child already knows everything about gender relations, but the release of testosterone drives him crazy. And he won’t be able to talk to you about it. It is extremely important that during this period the child has an authoritative “limiter” and an assistant - a man who will help, advise, and teach self-control.
- Do not limit your child’s social circle, do not lock him in the apartment. Let him get into trouble and make mistakes, let him distinguish himself in the team and on the playground, let him make friends, look after girls, protect the weak, etc.
- Do not try to impose your understanding of the world on your son.
Firstly, he still sees the world differently than you. Secondly, his vision is masculine.
- Learn together with your child to understand sports , in construction, in cars and pistols, and other purely male spheres of life.
Family means love and respect. This means that they are always waiting for you and will always support you. And it doesn’t matter whether it’s full or not.
Raise masculinity in your son - the task is not easy, but a loving mother can do it .
Believe in yourself and in your child!
