From a psychological point of view, a full-fledged unit of society is a family with at least two children. Every woman, sooner or later, acquires the desire to experience maternal feelings. Various situations happen in life, some strive to have children, and some are immersed in work, forgetting about their true purpose of becoming a mother.
Before getting pregnant and giving birth to a baby, any woman should have a clear idea of why she decided to take this step and what goals she pursues.
Without a clear psychological position, without knowing exactly for what purpose baby is born, it can become a reason for irritation due to committed and thoughtless actions.
Having given birth to a baby, it is necessary to remember that, having given life, we are obliged to give care, love and warmth, regardless of what motives were laid. Before deciding to take such a serious step, it is worth answering a number of important questions, weighing the pros and cons, so that in the future, parents and child can live a full life.
Due to the fact that men's and female psychology has huge differences, the goal of having a child is radically different. A woman sees in the baby her self-realization of maternal feelings, the creation of a full-fledged family, and with the birth of a long-awaited and planned child, a woman finds meaning in life. A man views a child as an object to continue his family line, to realize his paternal aspirations; the child will inherit the family name.
Having set out on the path of parenthood, a married couple must clearly decide for themselves what force drives their desire to become parents, what goals they pursue. Future parents must remember that, having given birth to a baby, while pursuing certain motives, realizing their ambitions, you can forget about full care of the child, not pay enough attention and training to him, which in the future can lead to violations psychological state baby.
As a rule, children appear in a full-fledged family, which consists of a father and mother. A woman strives to give birth to a child to a man whom she loves and wants to give the most beautiful thing in this world. Love for a man will give rise to the desire to bear children for him, thereby making him happy every time.
Often, due to the prevailing circumstances, a woman who does not have a loved one next to her gives birth to a child for herself, thus she shows the surrounding society her importance and a solution to the problem of avoiding a lonely old age. In this case, the child serves as a solution to personal problems; as a rule, such children will not receive full care and love.
Having assessed their strengths and financial condition, the couple is ready to become parents. The man and woman must remember all the responsibility to the unborn child, they must know exactly what they can give him. As the political system develops, a woman who has a large number of children are always considered with a special approach when hiring, single women are subject to public discussion, lack of material resources leads to the creation of an unfulfilling life for the family and especially the baby. The high cost of life becomes the main reason to abandon the idea of giving birth, since modern society many values have been lost; giving birth and raising one child is considered a very big step and feat.
However, all people cannot be equal, despite all the difficulties and different opinions, people continue to give birth to children. There are many reasons for having a baby. Ideally, they do not occur on their own in society; any adult always has several reasons to give birth. Therefore, we can consider several scenarios for why we need a child:
- The most important sign to give birth is the “instinct of procreation.” Man gives birth to his own kind, thus completely succumbing to animal instincts. The parent considers the child as a method to continue his family, surname, and leave a memory of himself in society.
- Despite all the difficulties of life, lack of material goods, lack living conditions, people are having a baby. This principle is similar to the “herd instinct”. Everyone is giving birth, and I will give birth! Everyone has two or three children, why am I worse? A woman’s motivation can be a friend with many children who gives birth every year, experiencing a feeling of maternal satisfaction.
- Children are often seen as a “gift of fate.” This could be a request from parents or husband to give birth to a child for them. At the same time, the woman herself may not experience much happiness and euphoria from the thought of becoming a mother, since in the end all responsibility and care for the baby falls on her shoulders, and she didn’t really want this at this period of her life.
- Very often, a child is seen as an “extension of oneself,” the realization of everything that parents could not realize in their lives, their goals, their creative and scientific inclinations. It is worth considering that a child cannot always be intellectually and psychologically similar to his parents; he is born with his own psychology and temperament, and often simply does not live up to all expectations, which causes disappointment to his parents.
- Insurance against “lonely old age”. Many people believe that having given birth, they will not be left alone with themselves at the end of their lives, that there will be someone to bring them a glass of water and help them cope with their needs. This approach is not correct, since having such a desire, children are left without special education, they are not given Special attention, love is not given in as much quantity as there really should be. Such people may remain dissatisfied, since they have received less parental attention in childhood, it is unlikely that their child will pay attention to them in their twilight years.
- Having given birth to a child, a woman or man acquires the status of mother or father of the family. Thus, they prove their importance to the whole society and the people around them. The appearance of a baby changes their psychology, people change their outlook on life, begin to achieve new horizons, as they now consider themselves the main breadwinner and breadwinner in the family.
- Sometimes a woman gives birth to a child in order to “keep a man”, as a means of manipulation. However, it is worth remembering that male psychology she is quite unshakable; if a man decides to take the true step of leaving a woman, then nothing will keep him near her. A child who has become an object of manipulation is rarely enveloped in maternal care and love.
There are a huge number of such examples; they can be described for a long time. All the tendencies of having a baby are mixed in the parents. A child is always born with some expectation of him in the future, to realize plans and interests. It is important not to forget that a baby is a serious step in the life of every adult, and the desire to give birth must fully mature in everyone’s head. It may also be necessary to consult a psychologist who will help you sort out all the dots and find the true motivation for creating a full-fledged family.
A self-sufficient person will always be glad to have a baby in his life, will experience joy from communicating with him and will not look for solutions to his internal problems in him.
On the eve of Children's Day, I would like to propose an answer to the question of why children are needed. Today Russia ranks first in the number of children abandoned by their parents. In 2012 in Russia, 20 thousand children ran away from home and are wanted; 1,500 children committed suicide. Russia ranks 1st in the world in the number of suicides among children and adolescents.
Recently it was shown on television how in Volgograd a mother of seven children is forced to live in a social hotel because she does not have the means to buy an apartment or even feed her children. Therefore, the mother decided to send her older children to an orphanage and renounce parental rights.
In Russia in 2014, more than 36.5 thousand parents were deprived of parental rights. 100 thousand children are orphans; 85% of them are orphans with living parents!
You can’t help but think: why are children needed?
Since my student years, I have been studying crimes against children and deviant behavior of young people. When I was studying at the Faculty of Law, I worked in the laboratory of student problems at the Research Institute of Complex Social Research; then he headed the laboratory of childhood problems in Children's Fund named after Lenin; then he taught law at school, where he created a laboratory of social and psychological assistance.
I have more than forty scientific papers on the problems of children and youth. My supervisor, Doctor of Law, Professor Yakov Ilyich Gilinsky, invited me on May 27, 2015 to the XXVIII International Baltic Criminological Conference “Crime and Social Control in the Postmodern Era.”
Among the many interesting reports (which I will talk about separately), my attention was drawn to the speeches devoted to the problem of protecting children from criminal attacks.
The head of the Investigative Committee of Russia, Alexander Bastrykin, said that in 2012, more than 2 thousand serious crimes were committed against children in Russia. There were more than 1,200 cases of sexual violence against children, with 160 children killed and more than 450 seriously injured.
In 2014, 1 million 947 thousand children were born in Russia. In the same year, 11 thousand crimes were committed against children, and every eighth child became a victim in his own family.
Only a third of Russians believe that physical punishment harm the upbringing of children.
It is clear why about 10 thousand children disappear in Russia every year.
Today Russia ranks first in the world in the number of divorces and children born out of wedlock. Every second registered marriage breaks up. At the same time, almost 1.5 million Russians DO NOT pay child support to their children. Bailiffs have more than nine hundred thousand enforcement proceedings for the payment of child support. 60 thousand persistent non-payers of alimony are brought to criminal liability.
Why are children needed? So that there is someone to give a glass of water in old age?
Some women think like this:
“Health and figure will be damaged irrevocably. Bad teeth, sagging breasts, stretch marks... You may not dream of traveling abroad for three years. Also, an eternally screaming, urinating, shitting creature won’t let you get a good night’s sleep. You can safely cross out your career from your plans. It’s good if the job and the employer wait. And if you are a young mother, then you will not have high positions. For a small, non-thinking creature will paralyze the brain and will certainly suffer from some absurd diseases from time to time.”
Some women give birth solely for health reasons, and they do not need to feed and raise a child. So they hand it over to a shelter.
70% of Russians condemn mothers who abandoned their children in the maternity hospital.
Some pregnant women and young mothers are divorcing their husbands in order to be a single mother and receive social benefits. They even go to voluntary refusal from parental rights to their children, so that children are recognized as orphans, provided with housing and social benefits.
Deprivation of parental rights is now seen not as a punishment, but as a release from responsibility for the child.
Men and women cohabit, and when children are born, they do not give a surname to their child, so that the mother is single and receives social benefits.
Many people look to the future, and not seeing anything bright there, do not want to have children.
Modern women are in no hurry to get married, since the husband is not able to feed even one woman. Now men are trying to put everything, including themselves, on women’s fragile shoulders.
Irresponsible men cohabit with women, but they don’t want children, they don’t want responsibility. Paternity is forced to be proven in court.
A well-known case: a father left his child in the car, forgot about it, went to the store, and the child died from the heat.
The fact that women do not give birth is solely the fault of men; and the fact that they still give birth despite everything is the merit solely of the women themselves.
Often women marry for the sake of having a child, and some for the sake of receiving alimony after a divorce. A lonely woman does not think about the fate of the child, she thinks about herself.
Some women cannot give birth and take children from orphanages in order to receive social benefits.
Parents cannot get along with their children. They are suing over alimony, over inheritance, over an apartment and property... Moreover, children kill their parents, and parents kill their children!
The moral decay of society has reached cosmic proportions! Deputy Prime Minister Dmitry Rogozin admitted that the cause of the fall spaceships is “moral decay.”
How many girls get pregnant, not knowing what to do with their unexpected child?! It’s rare that anyone can be persuaded to keep a child: either they throw it down a garbage chute, or drown it in a toilet, or dismember it and hide it in a landfill.
When a young mother is carried to feed her child, she feels it, and she may have either an excess of milk - if the child is beloved and long-awaited, or a deficiency - if the child is a burden for her. And no mixture can replace breast milk, no medicine can cure a child who is sick primarily because he lacks mother's love. That's why babies are found in garbage cans and garbage chutes. This is how mothers try to get rid of their unwanted children, although these are rare cases. Most either have an abortion or torment the child for the rest of their lives.
Recently, deputies proposed making abortion free of charge, and equating “civil marriage” with official marriage.
However, it is hardly possible to resolve this problem using purely legal methods, without moral support. Rather, measures to instill responsibility. After all, a family is based not on the law, but on love.
There is no need to pass new laws; existing ones need to be reviewed.
Who can support three or more children now?
Maternity capital is paid at the birth of the second child. What if a third, fourth, fifth is born?
Why do children under 5 years old go almost everywhere for free, and after 5 years old pay like adults?
If the state needs citizens, then it must provide for all children born.
And if the state does not meet its citizens halfway, then what remains for them?
To survive, people try to deceive the state.
There are times when people conclude " fictitious marriage“and even get a fictitious divorce in order to receive social benefits.
Often, legal proceedings for divorce and determination of who the child will live with actually turn out to be a division of jointly acquired property.
From my experience as a lawyer, I can say that in most cases divorce proceedings This is an arena for the struggle of two egos. And a child is only a weapon of struggle.
One of my friends went through a divorce for seven years, trying to sue the child for himself. District Court Three times he made a decision not in favor of his father, and three times we sought to have this decision overturned in a higher court. In the end, the matter reached the point where the mother stated in court that the defendant was not the father of the child. And when we demanded a genetic examination to establish the authenticity of paternity, she immediately agreed to “give up” her daughter to her father.
It was once reported that a “terrorist” entered a kindergarten and took young children hostage. After negotiations, most of the children were released. Many did not understand why the “terrorist” did this. Later it turned out that this kindergarten his wife works and his children are there.
“I live for the sake of my family and children, and in this I see the meaning of my existence. Personally, it fuels and serves as a catalyst for me. vital energy that someone needs me. If no one needs me, then I can easily leave this world,” the unhappy father told me.
In his daughter he saw an opportunity to create the ideal woman- your old fairytale dream. Love for his daughter helped him believe that someone needed him, that his life was not in vain.
Children are always hope, hope for a better future, faith that they will succeed in what you did not succeed in.
The fact that there are children, grandchildren, and everything will not disappear after your death - there is a great meaning in all this, some kind of great hope. To some extent, children are “immortality” and “eternal return”...
I myself experienced something similar, which I described in the true-life novel “The Wanderer” (mystery). However, I did not tear the child apart, remembering the wise decision of King Solomon.
When two women came to King Solomon for trial, and each called herself the mother of the child, the king made a wise decision, allowing the women to force the child to themselves, and then the real mother gave in so as not to cause her child suffering. I did the same. I did not tear the child apart, but only achieved a legal decision in my favor, giving my daughter the right to live where she wants.
If the child were unambiguously “assigned” to the father, as in Arab countries, then, I believe, there would be fewer divorces, and men would have more responsibility.
My neighbor separated from her husband and is having lovers, and all this in front of a child. And at this time the husband is forced to sleep nearby on the floor in his own apartment.
Once they conducted a study, and it turned out that eleven percent of fathers naively believe that they are raising their own children, when the child is actually from another man.
Today's Family code The Russian Federation is clearly biased in favor of the rights of women and mothers. That’s why men don’t want to get married, because they understand that in case of divorce, the law is on the woman’s side.
The state does not protect the interests of women, but primarily its own interests. The fact is that a woman produces new citizens for the state.
Why does a modern woman need a child?
Previously, they had children in order to get an apartment. Today, some women give birth to receive " maternity capital"or a free plot of land.
Before having a child, we need to think about what we can give him, what kind of upbringing. IN Soviet times raising a child up to 18 years old cost the same as a Volga car. Now, I suppose, like Benkley, no less.
Many people send their child to kindergarten only because the family does not have enough money and the mother is forced to work.
Some believe that children are the meaning of life. Others believe that children are an “accident.”
If a person doesn’t have children (well, it doesn’t work out) – is his life meaningless?
There was even a whole social movement - “life without children”. “Children are the flowers of life, but let them grow in someone else’s garden.”
“If you want to live a problem-free life, never have children.”
“Children are a trap that men set for women.”
“For me, children are a necessity. Like physical hunger, like desire for love; as a need for self-realization."
“Being a mother is the same job as everyone else, only without vacations, without bonuses and without sick leave.”
“When it became unbearable to live with my husband, I began to think about suicide. But the child saved me. After all, I had to live for his sake.”
Some women think that they will fall in love, be able to reciprocate, and get married to have a home and family. The reasoning goes something like this: “If everyone sat around and waited for their perfect love, how many women would remain single?”
What about without children? And so life will stop.
- Will not stop. And if he stops, so be it. What is life for if you have to suffer endlessly? No, children are just pampering.
- So your mother gave birth to you too.
- It would be better not to give birth. It’s better not to live at all than to suffer like this.
- But you must admit, children are a holiday.
A woman sat down on the seat next to her, placing a boy of about eight on her lap.
- You are my toy, you are my sweetheart, you are my joy, my fun.
“Mom, stop,” the boy said, embarrassed.
- I gave birth to you, and now I can do whatever I want. You are my toy. I do what I want".
(from my true-life novel “The Wanderer” (mystery) on the New Russian Literature website)
Such women think about themselves, about their fate, and not about the fate of the child, which is most often unhappy.
Some parents see in their child an opportunity to realize what they themselves could not achieve. Behind this lies his own failed life.
“I want a child to ensure a calm old age,” some say.
“More children means more illnesses, quarrels, failures, divorces,” others say.
“I would like a child, but only from a loved one. And if you give birth to someone you don’t love, then the children will grow up without love and become strangers, and just as you were alone, you will remain alone.”
“Everyone is afraid of loneliness, but it is inevitable - you still have to die alone.”
Why are children needed? To be helpers and support in old age?
What if the children grow up to be bandits?
“Our son grew up to be an 'enemy', a consumer, a thief and a drug addict,” one person wrote. – And for him, my wife and I are a “pasture” of sheep, from which we can and should extract money all the time. And our whole life was spent fighting for his health and well-being. In “getting” medicines and “appeasing” doctors. And they didn’t sleep, they didn’t finish eating. They bought him the best they could afford..."
U happy parents there is no question why children are needed.
But what if the child is disabled?
In ancient Greece, as is known, defective newborn children were disposed of. Now they save no matter what.
I once talked to a woman who had a sick child.
“I don’t work and am constantly with my daughter. They offered to send her to a special center, but I refused, because it would be like putting a child in absolute hell. Home is still better. Few people around me understand my situation. Sometimes they don’t even let you jump in line. When it became clear that my child had a chronic illness, they immediately offered to test him. But since I refused, the doctors reduced their participation to a minimum, saying: “They would have given it up, and there would have been no problems, but since they didn’t want to, then drag it yourself.” And everything, of course, fell on my shoulders. ... You often hear from your roommate: “I’ll hit your freak; and why is it needed, why are you bothering others with it?”
Listen to how mothers talk to their children in stores, on the streets, in hospitals. You'd think they hate their children.
One day, two women stood in line ahead of me, with a stroller in which sat a little girl of about two years old. The girl, apparently, had recently begun to speak, and all the time mechanically repeated: “mom, mom, mom, mom, mom...”.
“If you don’t stop, I’ll tear out your tongue now,” “Mom” apparently said. Another (“grandmother”) added: “Now I’ll call my uncle, he’ll steal it for you...”
“We gave birth to a daughter for our own amusement, but now we are suffering. As much as I loved her before, I hate her so much now. ... In general, I hate children, although I’ve worked with them all my life.”
The three greatest misconceptions make people unhappy:
first - as if you can achieve reciprocity with your love,
second - “marriage is The best way keep the love"
third - “children are the key to a strong family.”
“Children grow up and have their own lives. You give them ten to fifteen years of your life, and then they leave. My friend has two children, so what has it come to: the son does not allow his own mother to sleep in his own house.”
The market economy has turned children into commodities. And as long as they remain an attractive product, the problem will not be solved. After all, the profit from the trade in human goods exceeds the profit from the drug trade!
On the illegal market, human trafficking is one of the most profitable types of criminal business, since people can be resold more than once, especially for sexual services.
Every year, up to 2 million women and children are forced to work in the sex industry around the world!
A global market for sexual slavery has already emerged. Children are sold directly from maternity hospitals to those families who are willing to pay a lot of money for someone else’s child; at the same time, the parents are told that their child has died.
Children are used to produce child pornography and provide sex services. At the same time, not only members of criminal gangs earn money, but also the parents themselves, who sell their children into slavery or for sexual use to pedophiles.
Pedophiles pay parents to use their young children for sexual entertainment and even perversion. Moreover, children do not know that they can become victims of sexual violence or the slave trade. 150 children's lives end tragically every year.
When I worked in a school, I taught parents and children how to avoid becoming a victim of crime.
I saw myself and the teachers through the eyes of the students, and realized that adults are stupid children. Children have not yet learned to hide their feelings, have not forgotten how to love, and are not afraid to love - this is what distinguishes them from adults. Nothing can truly define a person than a child's heart.
The experience of loving children led me to a striking conclusion: why more love you give, the more it becomes. The main difference between love and its mirages is that it comes back to you in abundance!
Children, unlike adults, give joy for free, love fearlessly, without demanding anything in return. Or maybe this incomprehensible feeling is a guide to that kingdom that is accessible only to children?
Children are the second breath of life! And a new countdown that you can plunge into, forgetting about your years. A child gives you the opportunity to return to childhood.
Children are a special timer of our lives, they are a desire for immortality, even if immortality is self-deception
Children are an expression of the desire for eternal life, the need to leave oneself in eternity in order to someday return to oneself.
A child is needed as a part of life, as an integral part of self-realization.”
(from my true-life novel “The Wanderer” (mystery) on the New Russian Literature website
Parents must understand a simple truth - LOVE CREATES NECESSITY!
What do you think: WHY ARE CHILDREN NEEDED?
© Nikolay Kofirin – New Russian Literature -
The best way to make childrengood is to make them happy. / Oscar Wilde
Probably, the title of the article caused confusion among most readers.
But try to answer yourself why you gave birth or are going to give birth to a child. I think not everyone will answer right away, but after thinking a little more, they will understand that the answer was not entirely honest, and there is a lot more personal behind it.
The issue of giving birth to a child is very complex, because the purpose for which you want to give birth to him will influence his entire future life. And believe me, your parents’ motivation for bringing you into the world still has a huge impact on you.
Most of you will answer that the child is
- this is the meaning of life
- procreation,
- these are helpers in old age,
- this is an opportunity not to repeat/correct your own mistakes,
- to convey experience and knowledge,
- to grow worthy person and much more.
It turns out that in most cases the child is needed for something, and few people perceive the child as a separate person. The child serves as a container for hopes, desires, for the realization of what we ourselves could not.
Yes - all this is and will always be in the wishes of the parents, and that’s normal!
- proof that he/she is capable of giving birth,
- a means to combat loneliness,
- the only way to keep your partner close,
- fulfill a duty to family/society.
In this version, the child is not perceived as a fetus loving people, but as a replacement for something or a method of compensation/replacement. In this case, any attempts by the child to realize himself as an independent person will either be doomed to failure or be achieved with enormous difficulty.
Normally, a child grows up and learns to be happy and sad together with his parents; in this case, he is heard and listened to, and the parents grow and develop together with the child. In such a family, a child is not a duty, not a necessity, he builds his own life, and does not carry our burden of claims to him.
But it is always worth remembering very important rule:
Regardless of the equal relationship with the child, he should always know and remember that he is a child, and you are a parent, and you have your own rights and responsibilities. That you are the boss in the house.
Perhaps, special attention should be paid to the desire of parents to have a child of a certain gender. Being in her mother’s tummy, for example, a girl hears and feels how her mother and father want a boy and call her male name. She is no longer comfortable inside; in such cases, labor is most often protracted, and the child can be born either premature (the desire to break free and “regain” its gender) or post-term (anxiety is so great that it is better to stay inside as long as possible).
Of course, after some time the parents will love their baby very much, but for the girl it will be a strong intrauterine trauma. As she grows up, she will have problems not only with her parents, but also with the opposite sex.
Psychologists working at sex reassignment clinics very often hear stories from their patients about how their parents wanted a child of the opposite sex. And although over time they said that they loved their child, the body remained hateful for the child (this is not the only reason for changing gender!).
It’s worth thinking about, if you want to have a child, is the gender of the child so important to you? If the child is really not a means to satisfy your needs, but a living person, your flesh and blood, then you should tell him about how you are waiting for the time when he will come to you. And you shouldn’t expect only a boy or only a girl.
There are two more, from my point of view, terrible needs for a child to give birth to a child.
- The first is a child to replace the deceased. More often they give birth to replace (!) their own deceased child, but there are cases when they give birth to a child “in replacement” of a deceased relative (mothers, fathers, grandmothers, grandfathers, sisters, brothers and cousins).
Such children are initially programmed not as individuals, but as replacements. They are faced with the impossible task of becoming an exact copy. More often than not, they simply do not understand who they are and why they were born. It is difficult for them to understand what others want from them. Or vice versa - they try so hard to fit the image that they live and die like the one they replaced. - And secondly, this is a child to save what already exists. As scary as it may be to write, today in world practice there are cases when they give birth to a child in order to save the life of an existing one by transplanting a healthy organ. I don’t know whether such people can be considered mentally healthy, but there are facts.
I really want children to be born simply because one day two people met each other, fell in love and decided to start a family, build a nest, support each other in sorrow and joy.
Family always begins with the appearance of the third!
Only the appearance of a child in the house makes this house truly alive!
And we can realize ourselves as a parenting couple only when we have children!
And it is very important to realize why you need a child!
After all, what we invest at conception, we get as a result.
Children are very good, but it is important to value them and love them as individuals!
Let children's laughter sound in your home!
The question arose: why have children?
Let's figure out whether every person really need to leave behind offspring.
Why do people need children?
The child is procreation.
It is believed that women have a maternal instinct, even if she has not yet become a mother.
Evolution has adapted us in such a way that we strive leave behind offspring.
Unconsciously, we understand that humanity must continue to live, which means that for this it is necessary to give birth to children.
This high goals, which many do not think about, but they are, as it were, sewn into our genes.
In addition to preserving humanity on Earth, there are also personal reasons why people strive to have children.
For a woman - the realization of the instinct of motherhood. If you gave birth to a child, then you are worth something. For a man, it’s to sow his seed, to leave his genes.
Why and for what purpose do they give birth?
The birth of a child is accompanied by sufficient great difficulties. Starting from the need to take care of health, ending with the financial issue of providing for the family.
However, even couples who do not have high earnings still decide to have a child.
Main reasons:
Should every woman become a mother?
Is it necessary to have children? Is it really necessary to have a baby? Society, your husband, your parents put pressure on you, but you internally resist and don't want to be a mother.
If you look at the percentage of unwanted children and the attitude of parents towards them, you can see that the occurrence in this case is higher than if the child is wanted.
Not all women have it maternal instinct. Sometimes it does not appear even after the baby is born.
This is neither good nor bad, but simply a personality trait.
So this woman can realize yourself in other activities, and it is absolutely not necessary that she needs to give birth to a child.
Children should be desired, then they...
At what age is it better to have offspring?
Menstruation begins in girls at the age of 12-13, but this does not mean at all that she is ready to conceive. Unfortunately, statistics recent years disappointing, and there are more and more teenage mothers.
There is also the opposite trend - women who decide to give birth after 35 years, when they reach high earnings, have established themselves in their careers.
However, we must remember that the older the woman in labor, the greater the risk for her and the child. This is especially true for those who are about to give birth for the first time.
A girl who gives birth before the age of 20 must understand what changes will happen in her life, including social. It is likely that you will have to drop out of school or take a leave of absence, go on maternity leave, and take a career break.
At the age of 18, children most often turn out to be unplanned, and not all parents are psychologically ready for the birth of a child.
By the age of 25 a person already quite mature, is able to set goals and implement them.
Time between 20 and 30 years most favorable for the birth of children - the body is still strong, health allows it, and the salary, as is right, is already acceptable to provide for a child.
Is it worth having a child for yourself?
Not every woman marries well. It happens that she is already 30, 35, and family life didn't work out. A woman wants a child, and the question arises: should she give birth for herself?
Here it is important to assess your capabilities. No one but you will provide for this child financially.
If you need to leave him with someone, you will have to ask not your husband, but your mother, girlfriend, or hire a nanny.
It’s worth giving birth to yourself if you are completely sure that you can raise and provide for a child. No one will decide for you whether it is necessary or not. If the child’s father refuses to participate in raising him, and you want to leave him, then this is your right.
Is it necessary to give birth to save a marriage, to keep a man?
A big misconception of many women is that, having given birth to a child, they thereby keep the man close to them.
Men have a less developed instinct to provide for offspring.
For them, the very fact of the birth of a child is more important, and not.
A very small percentage of men do so precisely because a child was born. And this does not guarantee that when the baby grows up, the man will still not leave.
Moreover, dysfunctional family atmosphere When parents see each other, it negatively affects the development of children.
Psychology of large families
Why do some people give birth to many children? An interesting fact is that families often give birth to many children. with little income and low social status.
Perhaps this has to do with the ability to competently plan your future and the future of your children.
Every child is large financial costs, but some families don’t think about it; the very fact of his birth is important to them.
Reasons for the emergence of large families:
Good reasons not to have children, according to psychologists
There are reasons why a child It's not worth giving birth:
Who are childfree?
Childfree is an ideology, a movement characterized by a conscious reluctance to have children. Translated, the term means “free from children”; it arose quite recently, around the 70s of the last century.
People of this social movement have the belief that they do not need children, they do not want to have them for certain reasons.
The term was coined to distinguish those who are unable to have children for health reasons from those who voluntarily refuses to give birth to offspring.
Why do people make these choices? Conventionally, childfree can be divided into two types:
Childfree may not have children for a variety of reasons:
- career— it is more important than the need to spend several years at home, caring for a baby, losing skills and social status;
- personal freedom- people simply do not want to limit it;
- , childhood traumas - this category does not want to have a child, fearing that they will not be able to bear responsibility for him, raise him, support him;
- - undermine your health, give birth to a child with disabilities and health problems;
- think that modern world too dangerous and unstable to have a child - wars, bad ecology, crime.
In any case, life without children is a person’s personal choice, and no one has the right to condemn him.
Prognosis and consequences for the childless
When choosing whether or not to have a child, you need to understand What are the risks of not having children?
Women have much less time to become a mother than for men to become a father.
A woman's life is limited, while most men are capable of fertilization until old age, and if the husband now says that he does not want a child, this does not mean that he will not have this desire in the future.
To give birth or not - it must be a conscious choice, careful planning. A random child can also become loved, but it is still better when he is born in right time and at the request of both parents.
Why have children? Psychologists' opinion:
Children need a family. This is not even discussed. Children cannot do without adults, they will simply die. And, if a child is not lucky enough to grow up in a family, he can survive physically, but psychologically it is very difficult. Therefore, children who grew up in orphanages often do not become the best, as they say, members of our society. In other words, when they leave government institutions, they often end up in other, similar institutions - prisons, engage in prostitution, take drugs, lead antisocial image life.
Those who believe that these are all genes are mistaken. Theft or prostitution, as well as a tendency to alcoholism or drug addiction, are not transmitted by genes. It’s just that these children, leaving a closed institution, do not know how to live in society, do not know how to serve their needs, and they are not aware of their needs, or rather, they are not aware of their needs. After all, they are not taught this. IN orphanage everything is on schedule. Not when you want to eat or are wet, or when it hurts, but when you should. Over time, the child understands that one should not express his needs by crying loudly or in any other way, and after a while, the baby ceases to be aware of them. He just freezes and waits for the right time to come, according to the schedule. And you stop feeling pain or hunger altogether. That's why children from orphanage sometimes they really don’t feel pain, cold, or increased body temperature. Moreover, they do not know how to feel the pain and experiences of another person. For them, the suffering of another does not matter. That's why they can be cruel at times.
This is why children need a family. It is there, in the family, that the child forms an attachment to his mother, and then to other loved ones, and this is the basis of future relationships - friendship, love, parenthood. It is in the family that the child receives the understanding that the world can be safe, that it is not scary. What children from orphanages do not have. Having been abandoned by their parents, their basic sense of security is violated. Instead, fear settles in the heart, in the soul, in every molecule. It is he who then moves such a person. In order to cope with fear and protect itself, the child finds the simplest methods taken from the experience of communicating with adults, namely indifference and cruelty towards others. Only in a family can a child form an attitude towards himself: What am I? If the family meets the child’s needs for protection, care, attention, communication, the child understands that this world is happy for him. U little man the feeling “I am!” is born! I am loved!”, or as they said in Rus', “I am!”
If things didn’t work out with your biological parents, then it’s very good that there are people who call themselves adoptive parents. Many children are now becoming adopted, which means that many future adults will become happy and able to live in society, create families, realize themselves and raise their own children. Eat Great chance that a child who came from difficult conditions child care facility or a dysfunctional parental family, compensates, together with the adoptive parents, for the omissions that were there. Time will pass and he will understand that people can be trusted, that there are people who care about him and are worried, that not all adults are indifferent to his needs. But first, new parents will have to work hard to earn trust in themselves and lower the level of fear that already lives in the little man. And he, unfortunately, settles there immediately after birth, if the mother was not nearby, or was nearby, but for various reasons did not always satisfy the child’s needs, and sometimes the reaction to the baby’s crying was beatings, instead of food or warmth. It will take a long time for the baby to become attached to its new parents. Attachment is formed, it is not born. It cannot flare up like love, or appear like sympathy. Attachment is a path that needs to be walked. The baby goes through this path with his mother from birth, and even before birth he feels protected by his mother, and there she feeds him, regardless of whether he wants to or not. And after birth, the child miraculously simply binds his mother and father to him with his external touching appearance, smile, cry, which no normal adult can bear, with the first “aha” and “give”. Then, growing up, hand in hand with the people closest to him, the baby explores the world, gets into trouble, learns to communicate with peers, and gains new knowledge. And he can do this because he is sure that there is a place where he will always be reassured, supported, sorry if he hurts or was offended, that his mistakes will be accepted and allowed to be safely corrected. The child goes through life with the feeling that his parents will be there until a certain moment, until he gets stronger and can go on his own voyage.
Adopted children did not have this opportunity. And new parents have to go through this path all over again, sometimes starting over. Sometimes children surprise with their regression in this regard. At the age of 7 or 10, they can ask to be held, to be rocked and even to have a pacifier. And this is not pathology or psychiatry. This is a sign of trust in parents. This is the desire to go through the path that has not been taken, but which, as a program, is written on our road of development. Without passing one level, it is impossible to get to another. And the child wants to go through it with his new parents. It's like learning to walk. First you need to learn to sit, crawl, then stand, and then the first awkward step. If we compare by analogy with a graduate of an orphanage, then from birth he... immediately needs to walk. And this is impossible. Therefore, he does not know at all how to build relationships, does not know how to love, or create affection. He doesn’t understand why he goes to work or how to spend money. Everything was always decided for him, and his opinion was not taken into account.
Children can only go through this path of forming attachment, and therefore forming an attitude towards themselves, towards others and towards the world, next to an understanding, caring and authoritative adult. You can't make it this way on your own. Therefore, this is not a question of whether a child is better off in a family or in an orphanage? It's a matter of life and death. A question of survival. A roof over your head and a scheduled lunch are a lot, but not at all enough for a child to survive. It is because of this that some children die for no apparent reason even in infancy, and then from various non-fatal diseases. This is why adults without childhood are people who seem to be dead inside, consumers who despise morality, norms, or are downtrodden, scared, quiet, and not happy.
Now orphanages are being closed - a legacy of Soviet child care. This is a difficult time for those who have spent many years working in such institutions. But best time for children left without parents. A time when everyone has their own family, and not a common home. One desire of both parties in the creation process new family, of course not enough. You need to be aware that a child who has gone through attachment trauma, loss, and often violence cannot be ideal. And parents are people too, with their own views on life, family rules, traditions. You should not expect that everything will quickly fall into place, that in a couple of months the child will overcome everything that he had to go through over the years. It’s hard to believe that he will suddenly become a good student, be obedient, or be what we adults need. It is very important to understand that you cannot demand quick results from either the child or the parents. In addition to the period of adaptation to the new system, the new family member still has to make up for all the stages of development of relationships with parents that he did not go through. And this is the infant age, when the baby is in your arms all the time, the so-called “skirt age,” when he is always next to his mother and practically holds on to the hem. The next one is the age of supervision, when the baby is a preschooler and should always see an adult in sight, the first steps at school, when mom or dad do homework together. And, special adolescence, the age of contradictions and negativism.
