Antonina Feneva
Does your child have an imaginary friend?
For many parents, the appearance of an imaginary friend in a child comes as a frightening surprise: “What should I do? How to understand this? Is our son sane?” A friend who exists only in a child's imagination can scare even experienced parents and become a serious cause for concern.
Why do parents worry when their child has an imaginary friend?
The world of adults is filled with logic, reasonable assessments and focusing on the phenomena of objective reality. Therefore, it is very difficult for them to understand the child’s need for friendship with an imaginary creature. Most often, parents are not prepared for the situation of the appearance of an imaginary friend due to ignorance of the characteristics of the child’s psychological development in preschool age.
At what age does a child usually start playing with an imaginary friend?
Younger preschool age is the most favorable time For rapid development fantasies of a child, when the foundations of abstract thinking begin to be laid. IN three years of age the baby's need for role-playing games increases, so the appearance of an imaginary friend is not a sign of mental disorder child development, but proof of the correct and successful formation of the ability to creative thinking. The ability to fantasize and create something new and creative requires training, which is why a three-year-old child begins to play the “Imaginary Friend” game.
How to make an imaginary friend?
An imaginary friend is a fairly common phenomenon in modern urbanized society, where a child has been focused on mental development necessary for successful intellectual activity. For example, a study was conducted among English children, which revealed that half of the preschool children who took part in the experiment have imaginary friends and regularly communicate with them.
Having an imaginary friend is a completely natural activity for a child. At the same time, an adult may often have no idea about the existence of such a friendship with his son or daughter. If the baby does not say anything about an invisible friend, this does not mean that he does not exist. For example, a son can simply draw them and one can guess about their existence only by asking a clear question: “Who is that going with you in the car to visit grandma?”
Family game “Imaginary Friend” is good for mental development
But not all invisible friends behave quietly and silently, without showing themselves in any way and without causing concern to the family. In some situations, the baby’s imagination develops so strongly that he wants to allow an invisible friend to begin to actively participate in family life. In this case, all relatives and friends who are aware of the existence of the child’s imaginary friend begin to take part in the child’s games. The invisible friend becomes an active participant in family conversations, influencing the lives of those around him. According to English psychologists, such games with playing dialogues with invisible friends help preschool children develop the ability to solve complex problems, logical thinking and the ability to plan.
Children's stories about imaginary friends
A child’s non-existent friends may well materialize in the form of a favorite toy, stone or plant. “My Kitty asks to play with her because she is bored. She waited for me all day while I was in kindergarten, so I won’t eat until I play with her.”
The child may have adult girlfriend with a name unusual for a person, for example, Gana or Bina, who does everything that the child’s loved ones did. If mom went on a long business trip, then upon returning from the trip she may hear interesting story about how the child’s imaginary friend also went to distant countries on business.
Should I be concerned if my child is talking to an imaginary friend?
Recent research by psychologists disproves the previously held theory that only children with communication deficits tend to have an imaginary friend. Such an invisible interlocutor can appear not only in a preschooler who is raised in a family with one child, but also in a child from large family. The reason for the appearance of an imaginary friend is not a lack of communication with others, but the child’s strong need for the development of fantasy during a special period psychological formation personality.
Nor should you worry that a child who makes friends with an imaginary friend will begin to confuse the world of fantasy with reality. Research by American scientists has shown that although children experience strong feelings towards invisible friends and get more joy from playing with them than with children from real world, but still they are aware that this is just a game.
Imaginary friends in teenagers
The beginning of a friendship with an imaginary friend should usually be expected in preschool age, when it is a completely natural phenomenon. However, children also have imaginary friends in adolescence. According to psychologists, this phenomenon should be considered as a protective mechanism aimed at supporting the teenage psyche in a stressful situation. A teenager's imaginary friend helps him recover from serious psychological trauma. The starting button for activating friendship with an invisible friend for a teenager can be the death of a loved one or the divorce of parents, moving to a new place of residence and loss true friend, worsening relationships with brothers and sisters in the family, death of a beloved pet.
In any case, when an unexpected friend appears in a child, it is important for parents to remember that modern medicine does not consider this phenomenon a sign of psychological pathology in children and the beginning of the development of schizophrenia.
For greater reassurance, parents can seek the help of a psychologist, who, after some observation of the child, will most likely recommend that his son be occupied with activities that promote harmonious realization. creativity baby. Drama clubs, art studios, dance classes and travel clubs will help the child to throw out his accumulated imagination.
Your child has made a friend. The only problem is that no one except the baby himself can see him. "Wait!" - a child shouts while walking. - “Katya can’t keep up with us!” The parents look at each other, because they didn’t take any Katya with them to the park... At lunch, the kid is indignant: “Why didn’t they give Lenochka soup?” When asked who Lenochka is, he describes it in colorful terms - this is a fluffy little fox who often comes to visit, and now she’s dropped in for a cup of delicious soup.
How to treat your child’s friends whom you don’t even see?
Often the appearance of an imaginary friend takes parents by surprise. We consider invisible friends to be a deviation from the norm, a cause for concern. This is because we, adults, are accustomed to assessing the world from our own, logical and serious, bell tower. But it is important to understand that an imaginary friend for an adult and for a child is “two big differences" An invisible friend, which usually appears in a child at the age of about three years, does not indicate a mental disorder, but, on the contrary, that mental development is going fine. After all, just at the age of two and a half to three years, the baby’s imagination begins to appear. During this period, for the active development of the skill of fantasy and abstract thinking, he simply needs role-playing games. And the baby often starts playing them with an imaginary friend.
An invisible friend is not as rare as many people think. A few years ago in England, researcher Karen Majors defended her doctoral dissertation based on a study of imaginary friends. Her work showed that out of 1,800 English children, 46% have imaginary friends, while American research suggests that by the age of seven, 65% of children will have experience communicating with an illusory friend.
Imaginary friends can be completely invisible - then the child doesn’t even talk about them, but they appear in the drawings and their existence is recognized when asked “head-on” like “who is that sitting next to you on the sofa in your drawing?” There are also silent imaginary friends - everyone knows that he exists, but the friend himself does not show himself in any way, if the child speaks about him, it is in the third person. And sometimes an invisible friend becomes a full-fledged participant in the life of the family - he participates in discussions, has his own opinion and character (of course, thanks to the child who takes on the role of a friend). By the way, as British psychologists have found, children who act out dialogues with their imaginary friends thus develop the part of the brain that is responsible for solving complex problems, puzzles and planning actions.
Invented friends can only exist in the child’s head, but they can also have a very specific material shell. For example, a loved one can “speak” soft toy child or plant: “The flower said it missed me while I was in kindergarten, so I need to water it.” Sometimes children also animate books or interior items.
Previously, it was generally accepted that imaginary friends were made by children who lacked communication, and that they almost always appeared in children who were alone in the family. Modern psychological research disproves this theory: those children who have brothers and sisters invent invisible friends for themselves with no less enthusiasm. And the breadth of your social circle has absolutely no effect on the likelihood of one fine day finding your daughter in the company of the illusory lamb Venya. Children who are prone to developing a rich imagination find imaginary friends regardless of external circumstances.
Sometimes parents worry whether a child who has invented a friend for himself will begin to confuse fantasies with reality. Researchers at the University of Oregon conducted a large-scale study to find out how invisible friends influence real life children and determined that although children have very real feelings towards their fictional playmates, and often enjoy playing with them more than with other children in the real world, these emotions do not blur the line with reality. The feelings that children have towards their "special" friends are very similar to those we adults feel when we read good book or watch an interesting movie. We can empathize with the heroes, worry whether they will find a way out difficult situation, but at the same time we understand perfectly well that this is just a movie, and the reality is that it’s time to go to bed, because tomorrow we have to get up early for work.
How should parents deal with imaginary friends? Should I ignore them or, on the contrary, accept and treat him the same as other family members? Perhaps the best solution is to let the child decide how much you can interact with his friend; this, after all, is his fantasy. Gently ask whether Venya the lamb would mind if you move the chair he’s sitting on, otherwise he’s in the way of going to the kitchen. Ask when new friend Is your baby planning to go to bed at the same time as him or earlier? Don’t resist if your child asks to put a real dinner on the table for an imaginary friend or to cover his crib. It’s better to let them eat from the same plate (after all, it’s special, very close friend!) or pretend to put food in, thus playing along with the child. Let this be a chance for you to exercise your imagination.
Do not forbid your child to be friends with an invisible friend and, especially, do not say that having imaginary friends is nonsense and the lot of crazy people. Because in this case, your baby may really begin to consider himself “not of this world,” although in fact nothing wrong is happening to him. Also, you should not ignore the appearance of imaginary friends - this will either lead to the child closing himself off, ceasing to inform you about the presence of a friend, or, on the contrary, starting to play with a new friend demonstratively, so that you can no longer help but pay attention. And it is you who will have to explain why a certain Vasya, whom no one sees, spilled juice all over the store.
However, sometimes children deliberately begin to use imaginary friends, blaming them for all their misdeeds. “It wasn’t me who broke the vase, it’s Vanka, he’s running around here like crazy!” or “I did all my homework, but Petya came and threw my notebook out the window!” Perhaps in this way the baby is trying to protect himself from your righteous anger, which you do not always express properly. Don’t lose your temper and don’t shout that Petya doesn’t exist and that you yourself are a fool. It’s better to calmly say that, even though Petya really acted in a completely unfriendly manner, you have to go to school tomorrow, son, that’s why homework it still needs to be done, and let Petya come next time after you’ve done your homework. Since the child, as we have already found out, distinguishes reality from fantasy well, he will quickly understand that no matter how his imaginary friend behaves, he will have to answer, and will stop testing you in this way.
Your child's dialogues with an imaginary friend can give you food for thought about your relationship and your child's experiences. It can be difficult for parents to take the position of an outside observer, but if you try to abstract yourself from the situation, you can often notice that there are certain patterns or regularities in the appearance of imaginary friends and their behavior. For example, a friend can “come to visit” when mom starts a quarrel with dad. However, it is not at all necessary for a child to invent friends for “self-defense”; often illusory friends appear in a child’s life for one sole purpose - to entertain and amuse him.
The appearance of imaginary friends in children aged three to six years is considered completely normal occurrence. But sometimes older children have imaginary friends. In this case, illusory relationships work as a defense mechanism, helping the child’s psyche to come to its senses and recover from some kind of stress. A variety of events in a child’s life can “activate” an invisible friend - a mother who had previously devoted herself entirely to him goes back to work, parents’ divorce, moving to a new place, the appearance of a brother or sister, death loved one or your favorite pet.
If an invisible friend appears in a child much older than six or seven years old, and no obvious traumatic events or serious changes have occurred in life, this may be a signal that you should contact child psychologist. Remember that modern medicine does not consider imaginary friends a sign of any mental pathology; there are only a few cases recorded in the world where the appearance of imaginary images in the lives of children after six or seven years was indirect evidence of developing schizophrenia. Therefore, most likely, after observing the child, the psychologist will “prescribe” you to pay more attention to him and engage him in activities that will help him express his imagination and creativity, for example, take him to a drama club or art school.
As a rule, imaginary friends that appear in children under six years of age disappear on their own by the time they go to school. Therefore, when you hear that the fictional girl Masha has joined your family dinner, do not be alarmed - play along with your child, perhaps this new friend will help you establish even closer and closer relationships. warm relations with your baby.
Photo - photobank Lori
“Mom, I have a friend! He’s the best, we play with him and have fun!” — the baby says excitedly to his mother. Mom is very glad that her child is already friends with someone, because friendship is very important in the lives of children. But her joy gives way to confusion, and then fear, because the baby’s friend is not real, but an imaginary one. A website for moms tells you whether you should panic if your child has an imaginary friend.
Why does an imaginary friend appear?
Psychologists say that a lot of children make up friends for themselves, and that you shouldn’t be scared right away. You should not assume that these inventions are a pathology or a problem in communicating with your peers. At the age of approximately 3 to 7 years, some children become friends with their favorite toy, while others, if their imagination is already well developed, create a best friend in their thoughts. Moreover, it is fictional best friend can appear in any child, regardless of his character or family situation.
There are many reasons for the appearance of an imaginary friend.
Fantasies
The reason for the appearance of an invisible friend is the usual wild imagination of a child. He simply composed, invented and fantasized for himself interesting friend. And that's absolutely normal. Usually they part with such an imaginary friend quickly, at the latest by school.
The behavior of the parents is more important here. There is no need to pull the baby back, shout at him, scold him or threaten him. There is no need to ridicule his fantasy or say: “Stop composing!”, “There is no such friend!”, “What nonsense!”
Believe me, for your baby a friend is nothing at all. And with this behavior you can easily turn a simple harmless fantasy into a pathology or ensure that your child does not trust you.
Another consequence of this reaction of yours is that your baby will forget how to dream and fantasize. Imagine what awaits a child in life without a dream. And how difficult it will be for him to learn without a developed imagination.
It’s better to ask your child more about his new imaginary friend. Show interest and participation. Let the baby fantasize to his heart's content.
Attention deficit
Lack of attention from parents can also cause the appearance of invisibility. After all, if dad is at work, mom is also busy, no one can (or doesn’t want) to play with the child. An imaginary friend comes to his rescue, who will always find time to play with the baby.
In this case, “friend” is an indicator of the child’s loneliness.
Fear of punishment
Sometimes an imaginary friend saves a child from punishment. Perhaps the parents are too strict with the baby and he has to find someone who will be to blame for everything. But if the baby’s “friend” is constantly acting up, throwing things and toys around, then you just need to tell your child that you don’t want to play with his friend, because he greatly upsets and offends you.
Fears and problems
It happens that an imaginary friend is an indicator of a child’s fears and problems communicating with peers. This reason is easy to figure out, because then the baby refuses to be friends with real children and the fictional best friend does not disappear over time. The child takes his friend too seriously, and takes everything that happens to him to heart.
In special cases, such a “friend” remains for life.
Imaginary friend: what to do?
To begin with, as we have already found out, there is no need to be afraid of this friend. Try playing it with your child. Better yet, use it for your own purposes.
For example, with the help of such an imaginary friend, you can find out what the child really thinks about the kindergarten, about the teachers, about events, and about the parents themselves.
Believe me, what a child cannot tell you personally, he will definitely tell you with the help of his friend.
You can use such a friend to attract a child to, help the mother take care of the house, and so on.
Try to pay more attention to the baby. Show how much you love your child. After all, as the hero of Romain Rolland says: “The spirit creates what it lacks.” May your baby never lack love.
Very effective way The way to get rid of a “friend”, if he interferes with the baby’s development and has captured all the baby’s attention and space, is to send the invisible friend to rest, on a trip. And at this time, come up with something for your child interesting activity, or maybe a game.
If your child is already older, then you can switch his fantasy about an imaginary friend to inventing fairy tales. Tell about writers who write made-up stories and fairy tales. Let your child try his hand at being a writer.
So, as we found out, an imaginary friend does not always indicate that something is wrong with the baby. And sometimes such a friend can even help parents raise a child.
The most important thing here is not to go too far and not to flirt, to be able to stop in time. And even more important is to be able to show your child your love. Appreciate your kids and don’t be afraid to show their importance to you. Perhaps then your child won't need an imaginary friend.
Lately my knowledge of the world board games stepped forward, not only children's games, but also family games were acquired and tested. But my daughter is not yet interested in them due to her age (5.5 years old), with her we continue to play fun children's games. We recently got a new product from " Simple rules" - a game "Invisible hat" and immediately won my daughter’s love.
A card game for children from 5 years old (as indicated by the manufacturer), although, in my opinion, you can start playing from 4 years old. The game set includes cards with cute fairy-tale characters (20 cards in total - 10 characters, 2 pieces each), 24 headdress cards (each character has its own + 4 invisible hats) and 16 plastic hat chips. The cards are packed in a capacious and thick bag that you can put in your bag and take with you on a visit.
Before starting the game, we looked at all the characters and remembered who owned which headdress. All the characters are drawn very cute and funny, of course Ksyusha has “favorites” (as in some other games) - a princess and a little dragon.
The game develops memory, attention and trains intelligence (so to speak). The rules are very simple - we lay out 7 character cards face down, then 7 caps are placed face down above them. We form decks from the remaining cards and place them side by side, face down.
On his turn, a player can take one of three actions: look at one hat (without showing it to his opponents), or swap 2 hats without opening or looking at them, or open one hat for everyone to see (while loudly announcing “I’m opening the hat”) !"). If the open hat belongs to the character who is under it, then the player takes the hat and the character for himself, and a new pair is laid out in their place according to the same principle. If the player makes a mistake and the hat does not fit fairy tale hero, then instead of cards one penalty chip is taken. Cute plastic hats and penalty chips. I think many children love to sort through the components of board games, so my daughter immediately liked these hats as soon as we opened the box. Then we read in the rules that these, it turns out, are penalties for mistakes. But what’s interesting is that my daughter is not even very offended by taking this fine precisely because she likes these chips!
Each such chip received by the player takes one point in the final calculation of points (open characters). But the game has invisible caps (4 pieces). So, if a player opens such a hat, then he takes it for himself. It will not bring any points at the end of the game, but it will cancel one penalty chip. My daughter loves collecting these hats, even if she hasn’t earned any fines yet (in general, she doesn’t make mistakes very often - not every game, and she never has more than two chips per game). We agreed that the invisibility caps do not affect me, that is, if I earned a fine, then I cannot cancel it with anything (this is so as not to succumb). To complicate the game (if the child is already playing on the same level as an adult), you can completely remove the invisible hats from the deck.
A very interesting moment in the game with the exchange of caps. Naturally, when a player swaps hats, the opponent can guess which character and hat match. But you can also deceive your opponent - put cards in the “wrong” places - and generally confuse him, often swapping the same hats. But while weaving intrigues around your opponent, it is important not to make mistakes yourself, since it is easy to forget which cards you have already looked at.
The game ends when 3 character cards remain on the table. Players count the number of pairs of characters and hats correctly guessed during the game - each pair brings one point. Each penalty chip (not canceled by the invisible cap) scores one point. Naturally, the one who ended up with more points won.
We always play fun and excitedly. We usually play several games in a row, and our number of victories is approximately the same. My daughter gets upset if I suddenly open the hat, which she placed in the right place so that she could open it herself the next move (and I made sure, yes), but she always laughs at me if I make a mistake and take a penalty chip. We usually play together, the game goes quickly. The three of us tried to play with my 9-year-old niece. The game turns out to be even more exciting and confusing, since you have to keep track of two opponents, who are always trying to move somewhere those cards that you have already looked at and remembered. By the way, two girls aged 5 and 9 played in a draw, so the game is well suited for children of different ages (preschoolers and primary schoolchildren).
The quality of the cards is good, the pictures are bright, the size is standard. Penalty chips are smooth and pleasant to the touch. There is a reminder in the game that will tell you who is wearing which hat. But it seems to me that it is needed only when playing for the first time, because character-hat pairs are quickly remembered (this is also facilitated by the matching background of the cards).
Interesting games for you!
Friends are great, but what to do if “Karlsson” appears in your house - a friend whom no one except the child sees?
What you definitely don’t need to do is get scared and panic.
Psychologists say that an imaginary friend is a fairly common and completely harmless phenomenon between the ages of 3 and 7 years, associated with the development of the child’s fantasy and imagination. Usually a non-existent friend disappears towards school.
Reasons for the appearance of an imaginary friend:
Fantasies. Some children talk with toys, while others, with more developed imaginations, invent friends for themselves. Don’t pull the baby back and don’t scold him for “lying”, otherwise the baby risks withdrawing into himself, forgetting how to dream, and most importantly, he may lose trust in you. It’s better to direct his imagination in a different direction: invite the child to try to write a fairy tale, come up with a continuation of the story, draw a non-existent animal...
Loneliness. A child can make up a friend out of boredom if he is lonely and lacks communication. Despite the frantic pace of life, try to pay more attention to your baby, and the imaginary friend will disappear.
Imitation. Pay attention to what the child says. Surely he is scolding a non-existent friend or lecturing. Does this remind you of anyone? Most likely, the baby speaks using your phrases or the phrases of the kindergarten teacher. All children imitate adults, they want to appear big and also have influence on someone. If there is no aggression in the baby’s words, then there is nothing to worry about. Just offer to play mother-daughter, where you will be the daughter.
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Fear of punishment. If a child breaks or scatters toys and “blames” all the blame on an imaginary friend, think about whether you often scold the baby with or without reason. In a calm tone, explain to your child that his friend’s behavior upsets you, but the owner will still have to clean up the friend’s toys.
In any case, do not forbid your child to communicate with a non-existent friend, otherwise the child will meet with him secretly. It is better to try to find out the cause of this phenomenon and eliminate it.
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Reasons to be wary:
- the problem did not go away after 7 years;
- the child does not play other games;
- games become evil, actions become harmful;
- a child quarrels with an imaginary friend and becomes very upset;
- the child eats poorly and sleeps poorly;
- the child confuses reality and play.
If you observe one or more items from this list in your child, seek help from a psychologist.
One way or another, before you panic, remember yourself as a child. Have you ever ridden on a mop, imagining a horse underneath you? Have you talked to toys? Did you give the dolls tea? How many times have you prepared a speech as an adult, rehearsing in front of a non-existent audience? Exactly! Pay more attention to the baby, give love and tenderness, then the baby will not need an imaginary friend.
Olga Davletbaeva
Dear readers! Have you encountered the "imaginary friend" problem? Does your baby often talk to toys and make friends? At what age did your child have an imaginary friend? We are waiting for your answers in the comments!
