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Psychologists say that in the process of development, relationships go through several stages, during which conflicts and quarrels are inevitable. At certain stages family life the number of divorces is maximum. Often such crises in family life are caused by psychological problems, which may await a married couple. The most common crisis stages in family life are the first year, three years of marriage, five years, 15 years and 25 years life together. Let's take a closer look at what leads to difficulties and how to deal with them.
First year crisis
A crisis in the first year of marriage is inevitable. It is necessary to mentally prepare for such problems. Family life is just beginning and two lovers have certain obligations.
For young people, such circumstances are a new experience, and they often find it difficult to distribute their responsibilities correctly and get used to them. A particularly serious crisis of the first year manifests itself in those couples who have not previously had any experience in living together. It is necessary to go through this period without reproach and as calmly as possible.
It seems that you were marrying someone else. However, in reality, it is still your loving spouse for whom compromises must be found.
Crisis 3 years
A crisis three years relationships occurs in 90% of couples. By this time, a child is born in the family and many young parents go through this difficult stage. In fact, their life together begins to resemble a madhouse. They forget about peace and sleep, but about diversity intimate relationships there is no need to talk. The wife is completely exhausted by the child, and she simply does not have time to get herself in order. It is not surprising that many men begin to look at other women. A large number of trips to the left happen precisely during this period.
The problem is that certain difficulties appear that further aggravate the difficulties in the relationship. So, for example, a woman who has just given birth appears hormonal disbalance, depression about her appearance, constant hysterics. The man's head constantly hurts from the child's crying, and he cannot come to terms with being constantly in his mother-in-law's house. It is often difficult to cope with all these problems. But remember that millions of families in various countries the world were able to cope with this difficult period in their lives. The spouse should try to find at least a little time to take care of her appearance. To get your weight in order, you can do shaping at home. Just 15 minutes while your baby is sleeping is enough to get your body in order. Small children grow up quickly, problems go away, and relationships with your husband will invariably improve.
Five Year Crisis
By five years of marriage, a crisis appears, which is caused by fatigue from family and routine. Many people are simply tired of daily obligations. Married life at this time becomes a series of predictable events. I want something new, and many spouses decide to start a new romance.
Try your best to diversify your daily life. Change your daily routine, quite possibly change your job. You should not maintain absolute order in your home. Bed linen does not have to be piled in the closet, but you can simply leave it neatly on the bed.
A man simply needs an emotional shake-up. Therefore, organize various holidays more often, get a dacha and organize numerous picnics there. You and your husband can go to various sections, play tennis or other sports. Let your husband know that he has not been able to fully understand you. This will allow him to gain new interest in communicating with you and in life together.
Crisis 15 years
After 15 years of marriage, the couple’s children grow up, and the couple involuntarily begins to feel like old people. Children begin to demand freedom, but they no longer need the attention of their parents. It is during this period that a midlife crisis occurs.
Parents are accustomed to the fact that their children need their care, while teenagers extremely jealously guard their identity and begin to search for themselves. They are disgusted by such attentive attitude of their parents, which leads to conflicts.
The natural course of life in the family begins to collapse, which invariably leads to problems in relationships with children and spouse. If you want to overcome this crisis, you need to spend as much time as possible with your spouse. Try to understand the fact that the child is not your property, but a person. This is the only way you can build right attitude in the family, your children begin their own life, and you can save happy relationship with your spouse.
Crisis of family life at 25 years old
Psychologists say that 25 years of marriage is actually the last period during which marriages can be destroyed. family relationships. Many spouses at this time are rapidly chasing their fading youth. Often, men try to find an affair on the side, which allows them to show their still-preserved masculine strength, or in this way they get rid of boredom in everyday family life.
Most spouses have a career by the age of 25, so they have nowhere else to strive in work. IN sex life The peak of the relationship has passed and a logical decline begins. The children have already grown up and left the family nest. All this leads to depression and wandering from side to side, which allows you to escape from the surging sad thoughts.
An excellent way to solve such a problem is to try to remember and reevaluate your entire previous life together. You can handle silver wedding and indulge in new hobbies.
We can also recommend going on a romantic trip, relaxing at the seaside, or taking an exciting hike in the mountains. This time is wonderful because you are no longer constrained by funds and can get the most out of your financial capabilities. Travel and gain new and extremely interesting life experiences.
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Author Robert Stevenson once said, “Marriage is a long conversation punctuated by arguments.” Sooner or later, every couple faces a crisis in their relationship, and this is absolutely inevitable. The good news is that, having dealt with it, spouses reach a new level of relationship and find new ways to be happy together.
website I am convinced that there is no need to be afraid of marital crises: this is an indicator that the relationship is developing. The main thing is not to give up and look for ways to overcome difficulties. After all, you once promised this person to be together “in joy and in sorrow” - the time has come to prove that these were not empty words. So, check out the list of the most difficult relationship crises to be fully prepared.
1 year of marriage. "Awareness Stage"
The flamboyant singer Pink herself proposed to her boyfriend. True, a year later they broke up... And then they got back together! Now the couple is raising 2 children.
Family therapist Rita DeMaria calls this crisis "stage of awareness". It usually occurs after 6–12 months of living together. The first charm of falling in love subsides, and you begin to see your partner in real light: with all his weaknesses and not always pleasant habits (which you happily ignored before). “It's time to learn how to work together,” says Rita DeMaria.
What to do?"If you haven't discussed the most important topics before marriage, such as finances, children, visits from relatives, free time etc., the time to do it is now,” advises psychologist Beverly Hyman. It is worth being honest with each other about your values and priorities. It is likely that they will not agree on all points, and then a compromise must be sought. At this stage, it is very important to reach firm agreements on the most “hot” issues.
3–4 years of marriage. Dangerous “comfort zone”
The marriage of Madonna and Sean Penn lasted only 3 years, but in their interviews the stars say that they still love each other. Maybe they were in a hurry with the divorce?
A study of 2,000 married British couples found that after 3 years 6 months, spouses began to pay less attention to each other, more often prefer sleep to sex, and were less likely to declare their love for each other. The couple enters the “comfort zone”: on the one hand, this is a wonderful feeling of security and relaxation, on the other, such unpleasant things appear as an uncovered door to the toilet and an untidy home clothes. While 82% of married couples surveyed said they were satisfied with their marriage, 49% wished their partner was “more romantic.”
What to do? The salvation is to keep the flame burning. Give compliments more often, praise each other. It's not always a good idea to tell your partner everything you think about them. Sometimes it's better to remain silent. If you feel that problems are brewing, start the conversation gently, without accusations. And, most importantly, look inside yourself, advises family therapist John Gottman. Growth in a marriage occurs when each person takes a look at themselves and understands how they contribute (or don't contribute) to the relationship.
5–7 years of marriage. "The Seven Year Itch"
Friends star David Schwimmer and his wife Zoe Buckman are taking a break from their relationship after 7 years of marriage. Fans hope this is only a temporary solution.
In Western psychology there is even such a thing as the “seven-year itch.” This is one of the most critical periods in a marriage. By this time, the couple already has an established life, an established relationship, and the spouses mostly interact as if on “autopilot,” which is a big mistake, recalls Beverly Hyman. Routine causes loss of interest and sexual attraction to each other. It seems that you already know everything about each other. Future prospects for marriage are vague. Sometimes couples decide to have a first (or second) child in order to “save” the marriage, but it is worth remembering that a child is an individual person, not a lifesaver.
What to do? Family therapist Robert Taibbi suggests the following:
- Keep communication open. Less formal “So how was your day?” - “Normal”, more emotions and sincerity.
- Solve problems as soon as they arise, do not “sweep them under the rug” where more and more of them accumulate.
- Listen to yourself. Periodically assess your condition, update your list of needs and vision for the future. Share these thoughts with your partner.
- Discuss your couple's prospects. What are your plans next year, 5, 10 years? Again, the key here is to be open and honest rather than polite and vague.
10–15 years of marriage. "A difficult age
Megan Fox and Brian Austin Green almost got divorced when their romance turned 11 years old. But the couple still found the strength to make peace. Now they already have 3 children.
What to do? Don't move away from each other. Look for new meanings for your existence as a couple. If the spouses brushed off problems in their marriage for a long time while they were raising children, now that they are left alone, the conflicts will only escalate. But there will be time to solve them. This is a great opportunity to reconstruct your marriage. Beverly Hyman writes about this. Coach Steve Sebold recommends not neglecting yourself, playing sports together, and also creating new goals for the couple: traveling, starting a business, language courses - something that will allow you to experience a new unforgettable experience together.
Psychologist and relationship expert Mort Fertel believes that generally accepted recommendations for saving a marriage, such as “always share your feelings with your partner” and “see a psychologist together,” do not always work because they do not explain what exactly is needed do, to overcome the crisis.
1. Save your marriage, even alone. It is generally believed that a marriage can only be saved when both partners are willing to work on the problems. “The efforts of even one person can change the dynamics of a marriage, and very often it is these efforts that motivate a stubborn spouse to join in the process of saving the relationship,” says Mort Fertel.
2. Don't ask yourself the wrong questions. There is no need to ask yourself: “Did I choose the right person to be my husband/wife?” The key to success in marriage cannot be found the right person, but learn to love the one you found. Because love is not luck. It's a choice.
3. Separations push you apart rather than help you get closer. Separation, which supposedly “refreshes” feelings, in a marriage (especially during a crisis) can only further alienate you from each other, but your goal is to get closer again.
4. Talk less about problems. Talking about problems in marriage does not solve them, but only makes them worse. This leads to arguments and ill will. Talking about a problem does not mean solving it. Talk little, do a lot. Look for real ways to solve difficulties.
5. Don't assume that your therapist will give you ready-made answers. Psychotherapy sessions help spouses to speak out and understand the other’s point of view, but do not answer the question of what is needed do to save the marriage. As a result, some couples remain quite frustrated with psychotherapy.
6.
Don't tell your family and friends about your marriage crisis.
“One of the most important values in marriage is privacy, so talking about your marriage or spouse with family or friends is a mistake. This is a violation of your spouse's privacy, and it is wrong,” says Mort Fertel.
Probably, most newlyweds don’t even imagine what it’s like the most difficult periods of family relationships, can there even be in their marriage difficult relationships, if they love and value each other so much.
It turns out that anything is possible. Even in the most loving spouses there are the most difficult and the most dangerous periods family relationships, which are sometimes not easy for both spouses to survive.
Often love, affection, mutual respect and others family values they win, and they manage to survive the most dangerous periods of marriage, but sometimes everything happens quite the opposite.
Couples break up after several years of marriage, having failed to overcome their most difficult periods as husband and wife.
Let's figure out what these are the most difficult periods in marriage and the most dangerous periods in the relationship between spouses.
The most dangerous periods in a marriage
Psychologists say that the most difficult and dangerous periods in the relationship of a married couple are the 2nd, 3rd, 4th, 10th, 12th year of life.
The most dangerous periods of marriage include first two years of marriage. It is after the spouses begin to live together and the euphoria of passion begins to be suppressed by everyday problems that many couples separate.
During the most difficult periods of a marriage, husband and wife try to influence their partner, trying to re-educate or change her views on the world.
Yes, getting used to each other is not so easy. Each person has his own habits, passions and desires, and everyday problems and frequent lack of money can destroy even the relationship of the most loving couple.
Animals influence the development of children:
The most dangerous periods in a married couple’s relationship include the tenth year, which is a very dangerous year for marriage, because according to statistics, After living together for ten years, the couple divorces, having lost such an important and valuable component of relationships as psychological intimacy. 
It would seem how people who have been together for so many years can separate. Yes, they break up very often.
The most dangerous tenth year of married life may coincide with the personal experiences of the husband or wife, which, under the influence of the period of middle age, can cause thoughts about old age, death, about things that they wanted to do, but failed, etc.
The most dangerous periods in the relationship between husband and wife provoke the spouses to want to start over, changing their lives the way they saw it in their fantasies and dreams.
In such pronounced alienation, people begin to move away from each other, forgetting how much they once loved. And here is the culmination: thoughts about divorce, and often in fact – divorce!
Do you want to achieve something in life?
Set new goals that put your family first. 
Try to achieve your goals together. Be sure to demonstrate your cohesion in front of your children.
If you want your children to be happy in the future, forget about your difficult periods in marriage, show that you are one. Don't forget: children follow the example of their parents, and if they see family problems parents, maybe this model of married life will haunt them too.
And now let's go back to the third, fourth year of marriage. Why the most dangerous periods in marriage fall in these years.
The answer is simple. Most families start having children after three or four years. Having a child is stressful not only for a woman, but also for a man.
The new mother is very tired and asks her husband to help. And the spouse, exhausted at work and tired from lack of sleep, tries to explain his condition by refusing to do household chores. Many husbands support their wives, but it also happens when a husband moves away from his wife after the birth of his first child, both in matters of assistance and psychologically.
During the most difficult periods of a family’s life, namely after the birth of a child, husband and wife begin to quarrel disastrously often. It becomes a habit. Quarrels begin to arise over trifles, which further alienates the spouses.
After the birth of the baby, due to the busyness of the young mother, the man feels lonely, because the baby gets all the attention. 
Yes, it is difficult to raise a baby and have time to pay attention to your husband, but this is the only way you can avoid conflicts, quarrels and the collapse of relationships.
During the most difficult and dangerous periods of a marriage relationship, the 12th year of life of a married couple.
The only question is why, when all the hardest things are behind us, when there is work, children and no significant problems, it begins family crisis in a relationship.
Here everything is individual for each family, but most often people grow cold towards each other. Common topics and understanding of each other disappear.
There is less and less intimacy between spouses, because the passion that once seethed at full speed has disappeared somewhere. A midlife crisis also affects the relationship of spouses.
Allow your significant other to have their own space. Create conditions for her psychological comfort. Spend time together to receive vitally important pleasant emotions. 
Give each other pleasant moments, take care and support each other, appreciate your soul mate, and then the most difficult and dangerous periods of a marriage will pass unnoticed for you.
Be happy!
It has long been known that marriage is not a beautiful children's fairy tale where everything flows like clockwork. No, this is painstaking work of both spouses. And if one cannot cope, then no matter how hard the other tries to “stretch” this relationship, in the end everything falls apart. Unfortunately, there are times when you want to give up, not come home and let everything take its course, even in the most happy families. Such periods in the psychology of family relationships have received a specific name - crisis. It is during such intervals that the fidelity and strength of marriage bonds are tested. These are the so-called peaks of the most intense and difficult stages of family life. The crisis in marriage is divided into several stages over the years. According to statistics, 80% of divorces occur during periods when spouses, unfortunately, instead of joint efforts and mutual support, decide that they are no longer on the same path.
Crisis in marriage - main stages
- First year of marriage
- Third year
- Fifth year
- Seven years of marriage
- 13 years of marriage
- 20 years of family relationships
These are the most important periods of crisis. In general, peaks of separation in the lives of spouses can be observed every year, but such periods do not occur in every family; many manage to smooth them out and even avoid them at all. For example, these are the stages of life at 6 years or 10 years. Most often they merge with the main, peak periods or are transferred from one to another. In other words, the crisis of the 13th year of a relationship can occur at the 11th year of marriage. And the turning point of the fifth year comes at 9 years of marriage. This once again demonstrates that each cell of society is individual in its manifestations.
First year of marriage
This period should be the sweetest time, but not everything is so simple. In the first year after the wedding, the newlyweds get used to it and get used to each other. At this time, disappointment in a partner often occurs when one does not comply with the usual way of life of the other. The pink veil gradually disappears when it turns out that the loved one is an ordinary person with his own shortcomings and weaknesses. This is not the same prince and not the same princess that was pictured in the imagination before marriage. At this stage, mutual understanding and the search for alternatives and compromises in order to build further joint plans are very important.
Third to fifth year
3 years of marriage, for some it is 5 years, are marked important event in family. This stage of crisis usually occurs after the birth of the first child. The birth of a baby is certainly happiness, and it requires maximum attention and strength. As a result, spouses begin to suffer from a lack of love and attention to each other. Some couples begin to grow cold and move away, while others take on lovers on the side. During this period, it is very important to share responsibilities around the house and caring for the baby, and also not be afraid to ask your parents for help in order to rest equally and not forget to take care of yourself. In a few years, when the children grow up, it would be a good idea to send them once a year to stay with their grandparents, and go on vacation for at least a week.
7 years of marriage
The crisis of the seventh year is characterized by the fact that a man and a woman begin to get tired of the routine of family life, and, oddly enough, of each other. After all, before the wedding, you didn’t have to spend 24 hours a day with the same person for such a long period. It often seems to spouses that they have lost interest in their other half, and even fallen out of love. We need to save the family - get rid of the routine, bring in something new.
What new things can spouses who have been married for 7 years do?
- remember past romance - arrange surprises for each other, give gifts, invite each other on a date, walk in the park holding hands;
- go to a resort, alone without children; a change of scenery will help not only to relax, but also to take a fresh look at your other half;
- find common entertainment, for example, play sports together - sign up for swimming, spend weekends cycling, and winter time- by ski.
- start attending comedy shows together; nothing brings you together like laughter.
13 years of marriage
This stage is usually associated with children growing up. At 13 years of family life, children are no longer toddlers; they are approaching a transitional, and therefore the most difficult and contradictory, age. The child grows up, becomes an individual, with his own interests and views on life, which must be taken into account. Here disagreements may arise between parents in methods of education and response. After all, a woman strives to the last to preserve, protect, protect and hold her child, and a man already sees him as an adult and is ready to let him go into life. In such cases, when figuring out among ourselves who is right, the main thing is not to forget about the child and still give him the freedom necessary for this age. Well, supporting your spouse and finding compromises does not lose its relevance.
20 years of marriage
The crisis of 20 years is characterized by the devastation of the home. This applies to children; they grow up, move away from their parents, and begin to live independently. After many years, the couple are left alone with each other again. And suddenly it turns out that the common ground, the grain of relationships and understanding that existed before, has disappeared. The spouses are moving away. Women worry about age, wrinkles, and complexes develop. Men, on the contrary, try to grab hold of youth and begin to “whip” young ladies. During this period, you need to breathe freshness into your relationship, imagine yourself as twenty-year-old boys again and fall in love with each other again. This will be facilitated by sharing bright memories of what years and where the most unforgettable moments took place, over a glass of wine, walks through the places of your youth, or a joint vacation.
Any relationship goes through certain stages of development, which are carried out in due time and under certain circumstances. The same applies to the relationship between spouses: any, even ideal family relationships(which in itself is nonsense) there are certain periods of crisis: those moments when it seems that the marriage is bursting at the seams. Moreover, such catastrophic situations can arise in families repeatedly throughout life. For any long term relationship such moments are normal. The outcome of the situation depends on how the spouses behave and how well they can get out of a difficult situation. I want to say right away that family crisis- this is a common case, but does not mean at all that it must necessarily and in precise age periods accompany your marriage. Some families, although there are very few of them, manage to avoid family breakdown or mitigate negative impact moments of crisis on family relationships.
Which ones exist? marriage crises, what are they typical reasons and what are the symptoms of these difficult times?
- this is the first year of marriage, the time of “getting to know” your partner from the other side. The candy-bouquet period with its sweet memories is left behind, and a young couple looks confidently into the future of her marriage. As a rule, the first year of marriage is one of the most difficult periods, when young people look at each other not through the eyes of happy lovers who idealize each other, but through the eyes of formed individuals trying to create a new “unit of society.” Relationships during this period become shaky, and family quarrels have an everyday character, because young people get to know each other from the other side - the inner one. If before marriage the spouses have not learned to give in to each other and wisely resolve conflict situations, which is usually acquired over the years and experience, this becomes the cause of conflicts.
The situation becomes more complicated due to misunderstandings: one wants to dominate the other, the wife wants to get pregnant, and the husband believes that it is too early for this, and it is not possible to distribute household responsibilities. The first mistake of a young family: the desire to interfere with the parents in the conflict. At the same time, the wife seeks protection from her family, the husband seeks support and understanding. That is, what they themselves must give to each other. This cannot be done! The intervention of the older generation will also cause, which can ruin relations with the relatives of the other half, and this greatly aggravates the situation and greatly undermines the marriage.
Crisis of “family routine” occurs in the first 3-5 years of marriage. The reasons for this period are usually the birth of a child. Family, past period grinding in, had already settled down, the young people learned to take each other into account and resolve controversial situations, when a new period of crisis appeared in which relations husband and wife are under pressure from new global changes.
In this case, each of the spouses contributes to the development of difficulties in their own way: the wife stops taking care of herself, physically grows cold towards her significant other, but at the same time demands increased attention to herself and forgets about her husband, who also needs the support and affection of a woman. The husband, in turn, does not strive to help his wife with household chores and with the child, strives to spend more and more time outside the home, or comes tired from work and spends time motionless on the sofa. At such moments, the spouses do not even notice that they are growing cold in their relationship with each other and do not strive for mutual understanding and support. In addition, alienation from each other during this period leads for the first time to difficulties in sexual life, which can provoke adultery. Crisis 3 years of marriage is difficult for husband and wife and requires them to desire to learn to understand and forgive each other.
Crisis 10 years of marriage– an intensive period of family development. At this time, life in the family seems to be settled, everything goes on as usual: children grow up, become more independent, spouses disappear at work, trying to improve the financial well-being of the family. They are less and less connected by common chores, most often they meet only for dinner in the evenings, each is deep in fulfilling his role in the family. The passion has subsided, there is nothing to talk about romance, this is the period when people say that love has become a habit. At a certain point, the spouses are left alone and realize that they have lost interest in each other, because there are fewer and fewer topics for conversation. And if they exist, they certainly relate to household chores and everyday routine. Thus begins the next crisis in the relationship between husband and wife, in which both need to do everything in order to revive the brightness of their feelings.
Midlife crisis 20-25 years. During this period, marriages often tend to break up, because the relationship between husband and wife stops developing: the children have already grown up, their careers have been formed, there are no grandchildren yet, and accordingly, life becomes “boring”. At the same time, due to the upcoming climatic period, men begin middle age crisis: the fading beauty of the wife ceases to excite, the upcoming menopause and problems with men's health cause fear. Psychological aggravation is also accompanied by unpleasant family changes: children leave home and spouses have to get used to living together again. In this regard, the crisis of marriage becomes more noticeable: husband and wife have more time to discover changes in each other. Naturally, it is inappropriate to separate at this age. Spouses are simply obliged to save the family, because their adult children should be able to stay in their father’s house, the walls of which store so much family secrets and pleasant moments.
How wonderful it is when, after overcoming all the dangerous moments of living together, elderly spouses welcome happy children and grandchildren into their home!
Symptoms of the crisis
What are the signs of a crisis in the family? In fact, as soon as a difficult period begins, you can feel it immediately, since it does not just look like a one-time quarrel or one scandal. A marriage crisis is usually accompanied by several alarming symptoms:
— married life takes on the features of an aggravating routine: everyday life eats up, there is less and less time for each other, husband and wife do not strive to please each other as before;
— there are no moments of touching relationships and manifestations of love;
- problems of an intimate nature: cold in the marital bed, alienation of the wife, lack of desire in the husband;
- any questions regarding the upbringing and care of children only cause quarrels and reproaches;
- spouses constantly criticize each other;
- husband and wife disagree, which causes mutual irritation;
— there is no desire for understanding in the family, each spouse believes that he is more inferior to his other half;
— interest in each other’s affairs disappears, there is no moment of sincerity and trust;
- scandals and reproaches are heard more and more often in the house, and joyful and happy laughter is heard less and less often.
Video: Crisis in the family: how it happens with secret agents :)
http://youtu.be/iONfuTrOO_I
The most important thing is to understand that any crisis is a need for change. Any turning point, even if it is conflicts, quarrels and difficulties, leads to the development of personality and relationships within the couple. Thanks to moments like these, the family grows stronger and becomes stronger and more resilient. If the love that once warmed the spouses turned out to be weak and, under the blows of changes, could not continue to exist, the husband and wife separate. In we will look at tips on how to overcome dangerous periods of crisis in marriage, which sooner or later arise in every family.
