Why do men cheat on their wives? Loving husband cheated. For what? The husband is polygamous and previously lived in an open relationship

Martha Ketro said: “In the end, it’s worse for him - I just lost an unfaithful lover, and he lost the woman who loved him.” This quote is to console those who are especially impressionable. Now let’s try to figure out why men can’t live in peace. Why do they have to change?

Someone blames everything on their nature, they say, all men cheat, there’s no escape from it. But that's not true! If everyone cheated, not a single family would survive. But we can talk about this topic for a very long time, which, in fact, is what we will do. WANT.ua understood the issue. Let us lift the veil for you.

PSYCHOLOGY

Many men simply don’t understand what’s so bad about cheating. Since ancient times, society has imposed strict moral principles on girls, condemning a short skirt, an incorrect smile, and too provocative makeup. Remember what we wrote about? So, in ancient times there was not even such a thing as , everything was attributed to their animal nature. While girls had to “preserve their honor from a young age,” guys could go for walks and gain experience. Double and offensive standards, but nothing can be done about it - he is a man, which means he can cheat! Nonsense, in our opinion, but the fact remains a fact.

WHY HER HUSBAND CHEATED:LOVE IS GONE

When spouses live under the same roof for a long time, bound by routine, it is not uncommon for them to move away from each other and even stop loving. Together they are bored and unbearable, but no one can decide to divorce due to problems with the division of property, alimony and banal habits... But sex is no longer the same (or maybe completely absent), so the man goes to the left to bring it into his life bright colors.

To prevent such a situation from happening, a woman must always surprise, develop, remain a mystery to her man, then he will not stop loving her (but this is not a panacea, anything can happen in life)

WHY MEN CHEAT ON THEIR WIVES: ALCOHOL

According to statistics, more than half of men claim that they cheated on their beloved wives under the influence of alcohol. They simply did not understand what was happening and acted automatically. After alcoholic infidelity, many men repented of what they had done, lay at the feet of their beloved wife and begged for forgiveness. But this does not mean that they did not want to change - it more often means that they would never have decided to do it sober, and it doesn’t seem to count if they were drunk and it would be easier to beg for forgiveness.

WHY HUSBAND CHEATS: REVENGE

For a man to take revenge on his wife through infidelity, she did not have to cheat on him.

Perhaps someone once offended him, insulted him, humiliated him, cheated on him and now he wants to take it out on you.

Make you experience the same thing that he once experienced due to the betrayal of the woman he loved. Yes, male psychology- it’s a complex thing, sometimes it’s harder for women to understand.

WHY HUSBANDS CHEAT ON THEIR WIVES BUT DON'T LEAVE

This question torments many. What is stopping him from leaving when he has another or others? Everything is simple here - he is comfortable with you. You cook, and clean, and iron his shirts, and are always there. He won’t be able to satisfy his needs on the side; he will come running home, where you are always ready to please him. He is simply sure that he can do anything, that you love him and will forgive everything. An egoist and womanizer, but practical, acquired a kind of “parachute” in the person of his wife and is now walking. But not everyone will tolerate such an attitude, just as not every man will allow himself to do this with any girl.

The one who will endure, forgive, wait and cry into the pillow is the one who will change.

WHY MEN CHEAT ON THEIR WIVES: LACK OF ATTENTION AND SEX

According to statistics, most occur in the postpartum period. A woman physically cannot satisfy a man, everything hurts and breaks after childbirth, plus forever crying baby, with which it is not entirely clear what needs to be done.

A woman simply cannot pay attention to everyone, but a man, instead of helping and supporting his wife, sulks and goes to the left.

But the woman simply doesn’t notice, because she already has enough problems.

SOCIAL ORIENTATION

No one is immune from new hobbies. A man can simply fall in love with another woman and cannot resist her. This is what pushes one to betray. But here it is not far from divorce, if his feelings are really called love for another woman.

WHY HUSBANDS CHEAT ON THEIR WIVES: EMBODIMENT OF SEXUAL FANTASIES

Or maybe a man is simply afraid to admit his fantasies to you, thinking that you will not agree to make them come true or, worse, that you will consider him a pervert.

Subconsciously, every woman understands that her loved one can cheat on her. However, it seems to us that betrayal is only possible between a couple in whose relationship problems have been brewing for a long time, and between loving people betrayal is impossible. But, according to statistics from various psychological and sociological studies, men can cheat regardless of whether they have feelings for their significant other. Since every action has its own root cause, upon learning about the betrayal of a loved one, we all want to understand why this happened. Trying to answer such a difficult question, specialists from various psychological centers conducted a global survey and identified 25 reasons why men cheat. Of course, in reality there may be much more motives that push a man to cheat, but it is the factors listed below that most often become the main “triggers” before cheating.

Top 25 reasons that push a man to cheat

1. Inability to say “No”

It is not always the man who initiates the betrayal. But, if he has attracted the attention of a woman who is interesting to him, and this woman clearly hints to him about her desire to continue the acquaintance, most likely he will agree. On the one hand, subconsciously a man will not want to refuse a girl, and on the other hand, his pride, of course, will be flattered by attention from the outside.

2. The desire to assert oneself

Some men perceive their mistresses as a kind of trophy that increases their own importance. This especially applies to middle-aged men, because the presence of new connections is proof of male attractiveness.

3. Influence of friends

Very often, men, having close friends whom they value and trust, unwittingly copy each other’s behavior. First, it is important for a man to earn no less than his best friend, then - marry an equally attractive and loving girl, and then find a mistress no less young than your friend’s. This behavior is explained by the natural male desire for competition.

4. Boredom

Cheating is perceived by a man as a kind of adventure and experiment, which very well dispels boredom and emotional sadness. At the same time, a man can be satisfied with everything in his family life, but a little intrigue or a hasty romance gives him the opportunity to feel free from routine and obligations.

5. He sees infidelity as a status symbol.

Sometimes men perceive betrayal as a symbol of their prosperous life, in which there is a family, position in society, prosperity and other signs of happiness. As a rule, in this case, men choose mistresses much younger than their years.

6. He wants to feel young

Even living in happy marriage and lovingly loving his wife, the man sadly recalls the time of his carefree single youth, in which he could afford to change lovers without thinking about responsibility. Very often the desire to feel young and free again pushes a man to cheat.

7. He wants variety

Men who had limited sexual experience before marriage will subconsciously seek to satisfy their curiosity and look for opportunities to make love with another woman.

8. He is confident that you will not find out about the betrayal.

If a man managed to hide the fact of his betrayal at least once, most likely he will cheat again.

9. Inflated self-esteem.

Some men, often suffering from high self-esteem, believe that their attractiveness and advantages give them the right to cheat with impunity. At the same time, they are unlikely to experience remorse, perceiving betrayal as commonplace.

10. To prove your courage

Some men are sure that the concept of masculinity and male viability is directly proportional to the number of sexual relationships. For this type of man, cheating is a kind of sport.

11. He is an adventurer

In a way, cheating is an adventure that increases the level of adrenaline in the blood. Some men like to experience danger so much and think through moves in order to hide their actions that this environment becomes the main reason for betrayal.

12. He's a player

What distinguishes a gambler from an adventurer is only a purposeful desire to deceive and cleverly deceive not only his wife, but also many other women. A man of this character perceives himself as a real Don Juan and a macho man who skillfully breaks the hearts of young ladies in love.

13. Confidence in your love

Perhaps the man deceived you before, and you generously forgave him. Perhaps for some time he was tormented by his conscience and he honestly tried to be an exemplary husband. But at one point the situation developed in such a way that he cheated again, believing that since you forgave him once, you will forgive all subsequent ones.

14. He fell in love

The most banal and at the same time the most serious reason that forces a man to cheat. No one is immune from new hobbies and, perhaps, even from new love, plunging into which it is impossible to remain faithful.

15. He accepts cheating as normal.

Some men perceive cheating as the norm. Most often, this perception is programmed in men whose fathers did not remain faithful to the family.

16. To realize your sexual fantasies

17. He takes revenge on you

Cheating for the sake of revenge is more inherent in female behavior. However, it is not at all uncommon for men to cheat, guided by this very motive. Moreover, it is not at all necessary that a man takes revenge on his wife for her affairs on the side. It is quite possible that in this way he is taking revenge on you for insults, indifference and any other family conflicts.

18. He wants attention

Unfortunately, after living together for several years or even decades, people get used to each other and become less romantic and attentive. In this case, betrayal is an attempt to feel loved and needed again.

19. He's having a midlife crisis

When a man reaches a certain age and realizes that he has already achieved all his goals, it may seem to him that there will be nothing new and interesting in his life. A midlife crisis is often accompanied by depression, in which betrayal is a kind of painkiller and an opportunity to bring newness into your life.

20. You don't share his interests

If the spouses, in addition to the common family budget and raising children has nothing in common anymore; they will inevitably become bored with each other. Lack of spiritual unity with his wife will sooner or later push a man to cheat.

21. He is a womanizer

Men who are womanizers have a special scale of values ​​that does not include such concepts as love and fidelity. He does not see anything reprehensible in treason, so he easily makes new acquaintances.

22. He doesn't love you anymore

If love ends, but habit or life circumstances do not allow the relationship to end, the man will cheat on his wife, trying to find the old feeling.

23. You don't love him

Having felt a lack of love on your part, a man will probably look for this feeling in someone else.

24. He wants to end the relationship

Many men begin to cheat the moment they realize that their marriage is doomed. They do this consciously, without particularly hiding their deception, hoping that upon learning about the betrayal, you will initiate a divorce.

25. He drank too much alcohol

Almost half of all men surveyed admitted that they had cheated on their wives at least once under the influence of alcohol. At the same time, many cheaters, after sobering up, repented of their deeds.

Unfortunately, no one is immune from betrayal. However, in order to prevent sad consequences, it is very important not to turn a blind eye to existing problems, try to build your family life on trust and always pay attention to the behavior of your spouse.

Women often wonder why their beloved man, for whom they seem to do everything possible and impossible, periodically tries to turn somewhere “to the side.” Why do husbands cheat on their wives, what do they lack?

It seems that you feed him with all sorts of treats, and take care of yourself, and in bed are ready to fulfill almost any of his fantasies, but this “bug” still looks around when some slender legs in a miniskirt pass by. Where is the justice, why does the husband start cheating? Let's try to figure it out.

Why a man cheats - psychology

First of all, the matter, of course, is the age of the spouses and the number of years they have lived together. Typically, such problems arise already in 3-4 years of marriage. He is already used to you, he is cozy and comfortable, but he is a male by nature and it is difficult for him to resist his instincts.

Psychologists say that nature itself is to blame here. She seems to be telling the man that if he stops chasing game, he will most likely lose all his hunting skills and remain hungry. Adrenaline, which is produced in the process of betrayal, is akin to a drug.

We must understand that if by nature a man was a hunter, then he will remain so even in family life. This is the main reason why men cheat on their wives - beautiful, smart, excellent housewives.

Lies take root in the family. The spouse needs adrenaline - he needs it like air, but on the other side of the scale is family happiness and something tells him that he needs to lie. What kind of wife would be happy to find out how cool her beloved was in bed with some long-legged model or how great her “cat” had a time in the sauna, surrounded by girls of easy behavior who “completely happened to be there.”

As a result, your faithful one begins, and he does it solely with good intentions, so as not to disturb the peace and sanctity of your family hearth. It turns out that we also need to thank him for such behavior? Oh, this male psychology!

The role of self-esteem in why a husband cheats

Often cheating on the part of a partner occurs due to the fact that he simply needs to increase his self-esteem. He lacks the feeling that you see him as a strong male and a true protector.

Think about it! Maybe you are simply suppressing him with yourself, your opinion and ability to quickly accept right decisions, which he may need more time to think about?

How often do you tell him that he is the best, that you are proud of him and that if it weren’t for him, you would never have been able to cope with that leaking faucet or punctured tire? Believe me, they are so simple, but sincere words will help you solve your problems and you will never wonder why men cheat. Your life will improve after your husband’s betrayal, you will not delve into yourself, you will not abuse sweets and alcohol, but you will become a real soul mate for your chosen one.

Why do married men cheat on their wives in adulthood?

The midlife crisis cannot be discounted - this is also a common reason why men begin to cheat. Male gaze- the children have grown up, life is settled, the wife has read a book in bed a long time ago. And where is the extreme that you so want? Where are the vivid sensations in the form of rapid heartbeat and cessation of breathing, which occurs in any hunter when the victim he is pursuing approaches?

In addition, an additional catalyst for betrayal can be a couple of “misfires” when fulfilling marital duties, which sooner or later begin to occur at a certain age. If you, dear ladies, loving wives, are ready to simply close their eyes to them and pretend as if nothing happened, then for any man this is a real tragedy.

He must prove to himself that he is still at the forefront of artillery and not a single fortress can resist his mighty army. He is simply unable to think about the consequences of his step at this moment. Usually, it is during this period that there is a danger of getting involved with some young and ambitious girl who is ready to make any sacrifice just to tear off a piece of the financial well-being you have created over the years.

We must survive the midlife crisis!

According to statistics, 80% of such hero-lovers try to regain the favor of their ex-wives after they find themselves thrown overboard by young, long-legged warriors, who, having squeezed out all the necessary resources from them, go in search of new victims of “gun misfires.”

And here a lot will depend on your intuition, feminine wisdom, understanding of why men cheat on the women they love at a certain age. Do you know how to forgive? Is your wounded heart ready for such a step?

Most likely, the offended male pride will never want to perform such feats again, and your husband, until the end of his days, will appreciate the peace of mind and closeness of his dear, loving heart, which he can only find by being next to you. Can you forgive him? Decide for yourself.

Why do men cheat? It is impossible to answer this question by referring to only one reason. Specialists from psychological centers from different countries A global study was conducted and many reasons why men cheat were found. Subconsciously, every woman realizes that her loved one is capable of betrayal, but at the same time it seems to her that a man will cheat only when problems have been brewing in the relationship for a long time, but betrayal is impossible between loving people. This is far from the case, and statistics have long debunked this prevailing myth among women, since a man is capable of cheating regardless of whether he has feelings for his beloved.

Of course, every action has its own root cause and, having learned about the betrayal of a loved one, you always want to understand why this happened. The factors listed below often become the main “triggers” that provoke betrayal, but in reality there can be much more motives that push a representative of the stronger sex to betrayal.

Why men cheat - reasons:

- often the reason is the inability to say “no” to a woman whom a man liked. If a representative of the stronger sex sees that he has attracted the attention of a woman who is interesting to him, and she clearly hints about her desire to continue acquaintance, then, most likely, he will agree. Subconsciously, it is difficult for a man to refuse a girl, and, of course, female attention from the outside is flattering;

— the next reason for betrayal may be the desire to assert oneself. Some representatives of the stronger sex perceive women as a kind of trophy that increases their own importance. In particular, this can be attributed to middle-aged men. For them, the presence of new connections serves as proof of male attractiveness;

— the influence of friends also plays an important role in male infidelity. Men often copy the behavior of significant friends whom they trust and whose opinion is valuable to them. Initially, it is important for a man to earn no less than his best friend earns, then to marry an equally loving woman, and then to find a mistress as attractive and young as his friend. This type of male behavior is explained by a natural desire for competition;

- sometimes, due to boredom in a constant relationship with a woman, cheating by a man is perceived as some kind of adventure that dispels spiritual sadness. At the same time, a man may be satisfied with everything in family life, but at the same time there may be something that does not allow him to feel free from routine and obligations. Therefore, a quick romance or a little intrigue allows him to feel differently;

— some representatives of the stronger sex perceive betrayal as a symbol of a prosperous life. They have a family, wealth, position in society and other signs of happiness, and a young mistress is a pleasant addition;

- sometimes a man needs to feel young, even if he lives happily in marriage and dearly loves his soul mate. But occasionally he sadly recalls the time of his carefree single youth, when he allowed himself to change women without thinking about the consequences. The desire to feel free and young again often pushes;

— men often want variety, especially those who had no experience in intimate life before marriage. Unconsciously, they will look for opportunities to make love with another woman and satisfy their curiosity;

- if a man is sure that his woman will not find out about the betrayal or he managed to hide the fact of betrayal in the past, then, most likely, he can cheat again;

- some representatives of the stronger sex believe that their dignity and attractiveness give them the right to cheat. At the same time, they do not feel remorse and perceive betrayal as something ordinary;

— some representatives of the stronger sex believe that the concept of male wealth and masculinity is directly proportional to the number of intimate relationships. For such husbands, cheating is a kind of sport;

- if a man is an adventurer by nature, then he will also classify betrayal as an adventure that increases the level of adrenaline in the blood. Some representatives of the stronger sex so like to feel danger and think through the moves of betrayal in order to hide their intrigues that this becomes the main reason for betrayal;

- if a man is a gambler in life and is driven by a purposeful desire to deceive not only his wife, but also many women, then he will cheat. This is due to the fact that he perceives himself as a real Don Juan, breaking the hearts of women in love;

- sometimes men are driven to cheat by confidence in female love. If there was a case before male infidelity, but the woman generously forgave, then after a while the situation may develop in such a way that the man will cheat again, believing that having forgiven once, the woman will forgive again;

— the most common reason for male infidelity may be falling in love. Plunging into a new feeling of love, it is difficult for a man to remain faithful;

— some representatives of the stronger sex perceive betrayal as the norm. Often this perception is programmed in men whose fathers did not remain faithful to the family;

- sometimes men take revenge and therefore cheat. This happens due to grievances, indifference or female infidelities;

- flaw female attention can also push a man to cheat. If in a relationship the spouse acutely feels a lack of attention or the relationship has lost its romanticism, then the representative of the stronger sex will make up for this on the side;

- if the husband is accompanied by, if nothing interesting happens in his life, then betrayal in this case can act as a kind of painkiller and bring variety to his life;

- if a representative of the stronger sex, apart from raising children and the general family budget, has nothing else in common with his wife, then over time he will inevitably become bored, which will push him to cheat;

- if a husband is a womanizer by nature and lacks such concepts as fidelity and love, then he does not see anything reprehensible in new acquaintances and adventures with the female sex;

- if feelings for a woman have passed, but life circumstances force you to live under the same roof, then this can also push you to cheat;

- if a woman stops loving her husband, then, sensing this, a representative of the stronger sex will try to make up for the missing love on the side;

- if the husband realized that his marriage is doomed, then he will stop being faithful to his wife, and without particularly hiding his deception, he will hope that this will speed up the divorce;

— often betrayal occurs under the influence of alcoholic intoxication, and many cheaters then repent of their actions.

Unfortunately, from male infidelity it is very difficult to insure yourself and why men cheat remains a mystery in many cases. Therefore, only representatives of the stronger sex can explain their actions, and psychologists, for their part, to prevent sad consequences, recommend that women not turn a blind eye to existing problems, but try to build family life on trust and be sure to pay attention to the behavior of their spouse.

Women are often interested in the following question: why do men cheat on their wives but don’t leave? Psychology says the following in this regard. At least a third of all men cheat on their spouses. This figure is growing every year, as strong family relationships are gradually going out of fashion. At the same time, to new woman only a few leave. Most unfaithful husbands, having affairs on the side, continue to live with their wife. Often changing lovers and living in two houses, they are in no hurry to completely leave the family nest. Often this happens because the man sees no point in leaving legal spouse. He feels good and comfortable at home, he receives the necessary share of attention on the side and, at the same time, he maintains his previous way of life. Why then leave your wife? The choice of fleeting pleasure by a man occurs consciously. Thus, there is often a move away from resolving an impending issue or maintaining the “fire” in an already established relationship.

It is possible to cope with this situation if the husband is ready to cooperate and wants to change. Often a woman cannot solve a problem alone. IN in this case can help, preferably together with your husband.

The main thing is to understand that you cannot nag your husband, lose heart, create scandals, go off and blame yourself for everything. Even if you can’t correct the situation, you should define a new one for yourself, see the positive in the future and move on.

You should not put up with an uncomfortable situation when it causes suffering. And why a man cheats should not be as important for a woman as the fact that it is impossible to live in conditions that are absolutely unacceptable for women, since they negatively affect her quality of life and relationships with herself.

My story goes beyond reason. As a student I met and fell in love with a man 15 years older. After a while I found out that I was married. Tears, breakups, suicide attempts, hospital. He didn’t leave me alone, he crawled on his knees and asked for forgiveness. I forgave you. It started spinning again. He left the family and rented an apartment, and they began to live. One fine day, my wife came and pressed for pity; they had a small child. He returned to her. Breaking my heart. When I realized that I was pregnant, it was too late. She endured this for 5 months, hiding it from her parents. When I met my future husband, I was 8 months pregnant. He lived next to us, took all the blame on himself and married me. The child died on the second day after birth. I don’t know how I survived. Years later, she gave birth to two children for her husband. We lived well until I met him again... I managed to meet him and turned my life into a lie again. You are the one to blame. And so 4 years, mad love. Again tears, love, intimacy. And a week ago, I found him in the garage in a car with another chick... What I want to say is, don’t believe such p...s. Love yourself and your children. Don't stoop to the level of lies and betrayal. All this hurts. I experienced it first hand.

I ask for advice! I broke up with my husband because of his bad drinking. We didn’t live together for a year, all this time he asked to come back. Then he started living with another woman who has a son. As soon as she found out that she was living with someone else, she returned him. He left her, but continues to meet with her. I found out about this by accident. We have a common child, so I turned a blind eye to a lot of things, now I kicked him out again. I have no more strength, from me doesn’t want to leave, but doesn’t end the relationship there either. We have a child together. What should I do?

I read and understand that no matter what women do, men cheated and will cheat, (It’s very offensive and painful. I myself am a young mother and have been married for a year, but my husband, when I fall asleep, leaves for another (I still don’t know how I can It’s very difficult to remain silent and pretend that I don’t know anything and don’t see anything. But I can’t do it any other way, I have a baby growing up. I think if every woman respected herself and did not allow herself to have relationships with married people, then all the men would be in the family. there wouldn't be so many broken hearts and psyches.

lovely women!
and especially the first commentator, Tatyana: LOVE YOURSELF AND LIVE YOUR LIFE!
you have been given such a valuable gift: life, and you are wasting it waiting for some man, this is so stupid! children, grandchildren, there’s nothing left to live here, but you’re still waiting))))

• Dear Valeria!
  What do you mean by “your life”, can you be more specific? I didn’t go to a monastery, I didn’t close myself off from the whole world, work, friends, sports, hobbies, travel, children, grandchildren - I have it all... You mean that the most important thing that life should consist of now is to find a new one a man, and everything else is vegetation? For me, this imbalance is little better than longing for my husband, with whom 30 years have passed. If a woman is alone, is she necessarily unhappy and doesn’t seem to live? You know, older women who are very concerned about catching men look very funny from the outside, I don’t want to be like them somehow :) But if I’m lucky and fate gives me a meeting with a person I like, then I won’t refuse it.

Hello! I decided to turn to you for advice once again; I previously described my story. Six months ago my husband left me. They have been married for more than thirty years. For the last five years he has had constant mistress. Intimate relationships they stopped with me at the same time, I attributed it to the consequences of a massive heart attack, now I don’t understand how I could be so blind. After all, he even went on vacation to the sea with her, explaining this to me by diving with friends. When I found out about everything, I couldn’t contain my emotions, I endured it for several months, then I couldn’t stand it, I gave myself away and demanded that he stop all this. He said that he was happy with everything as it was. Then he remained silent for a couple of months, became gloomy, withdrawn, hardly spoke, once provoked a scandal, said that he needed sex, slammed the door and did not return to spend the night. The next day he picked up his things while I was at work. He called and said that he wanted to live alone.
Now she rents an apartment, meets her mistress, goes on vacation with her, then to St. Petersburg, then to a sanatorium, now she is going to the sea, arranges photo shoots for her (as before), where she is either in the form of an innocent Turgenev young lady in white, or a mischievous girl - mini tears. She is 37 years old, he is 54. Photos of her solo are posted in social networks in batches for years. Narcissism?
I want to return it, but I'm afraid the train has left? He didn’t return the keys to the apartment; he comes in when I’m not at home or with my daughter and grandchildren to take something from his things. Our showdowns stopped immediately, we communicate on the phone and see each other very rarely, only on business, but calmly and kindly, as you advised. On your advice, I went “underground” as much as possible, became quiet, took care of myself, my grandchildren, the gym, the swimming pool.
After a couple of months, he began to communicate more actively with his daughter, to go for walks with his grandchildren in the summer, we have two-year-old twins, and helps with money. I tried to ask my daughter about me, how I was doing, she briefly answered that it was normal, without details, did not persuade me to return and did not talk about my experiences. He apparently doesn’t understand why she doesn’t report anything to him, they have always been quite close, he probably even thought that she was on his side.
In the spring, I kept asking her where I was going on vacation, without achieving anything, I found plane tickets and a ticket to a sanatorium in my desk, I didn’t expect this and didn’t hide it. And he didn’t hesitate to brag to his daughter about what a spy he was and you couldn’t hide anything from him. So as not to look for me again, my daughter answered the next questions that I wasn’t going anywhere in the fall. I really am staying at home and have decided to have cosmetic surgery, but he doesn’t need to know that at all.
I feel kind of old unnecessary thing, which was thrown on the shelf, but is periodically checked to see if it is still there, what if it comes in handy? So many difficult things have been experienced together, and lack of money, and his alcoholism, and illnesses. And this is the result: He has become completely different, he thinks only about his pleasures. It’s probably in my interests that it doesn’t fundamentally solve anything, but how hard it is to live in limbo. However, any of my actions, even tears and persuasion to return, can lead to the opposite result, thereby serving as an impetus. You can’t humiliate yourself in front of him, I know that for sure. Should we wait?

• Hello Tatiana. You can not only wait, but also make him a little jealous.
  “I want to return it, but I’m afraid that the train has left” - What if it doesn’t. Need to try. It is necessary to take a photo with a representative man whom the spouse does not know. In the photo you should be happy. You should leave the photo in an inconspicuous place at home, but so that your husband notices it immediately. When he starts asking who it is in the photo, it’s simple to explain: just a friend for now; my mother's persistent suitor.
  Judging by the fact that your husband is very interested in your life, you are not indifferent to him. Therefore, it is worth starting an intrigue and confusing your spouse. Men are designed in such a way that they feel sorry for losing what once belonged to them. After such an intrigue, he will look at you with different eyes.

  • But won't this provoke a scandal and a final break with divorce to the delight of the mistress who dreams of becoming a wife? We're both unpredictable now. What if by leaving, he quite possibly blackmailed me, seeking to return on his own terms, maintaining the appearance of a family and at the same time doing what he wants. I am usually impatient and impatient; it is in my nature to call, cry and persuade. And then everything died down and events need to develop. He appears calm and patient, but is capable of instant outbursts and actions to the detriment of himself and the whole family.
    Last night my daughter ran into them walking along the embankment, the girl started dancing on the spot, expecting something. But the daughter walked past them “without noticing.”

    • • My daughter and I will think about how to do this competently if I decide, thank you. She also advised me something like this.
        And if you look at the situation, it turns out that he can return not because he checks out his wife and misses him, but if he gets sick: he gets sick or gets fired from work, loses his income, gets tired of hanging around rented houses... he’s not getting any younger... probably He understands all this himself, so he’s in no hurry to cut off the ends, since I’m silent. But sooner or later something will happen, it has already happened, where is the instinct of self-preservation? After all, he loves himself very much... and at the same time he is so crazy... living one day at a time, spending all his money on a woman - I don’t understand...
        And the slut is unlikely to get bored now, since she hasn’t gotten tired of it in five years, but it’s stupid to count on her in a critical situation.

        Hello! It is me again. Almost a year has passed, and things are still there.
        I do not know what to do. Recently I went to the seaside, he kept asking my daughter where I had gone, because usually my grandchildren spent the weekend with me, but here they are at home. The daughter said. He often began to walk with them, also in the evenings and on weekends, I even thought that maybe he was bored and things would move towards reconciliation. For some reason, he and his girlfriend spent their holidays apart, she went with her son to the sea, and her husband went to a sanatorium, but they meet and do photo shoots for her. But I arrived and discovered that while I was gone, he rushed over and took all his remaining things, all the old clothes that he didn’t take right away and that he didn’t wear anymore were lying in the closet, maybe he just threw them out. Am I upset, what does all this mean, am I just mad, or have I finally decided not to return? I don’t think it will be possible to have a conversation with him for now.

        • Hello Tatiana. While you wait for him, he will not return. What is needed is intrigue, fresh interest in you. There is no need to be upset, live your life, make new acquaintances. As soon as your husband finds out that someone is interested in you, he will resume his interest in you.

      Thanks for the answer! Do you think he feels that I'm waiting for him? Is this possible since we barely communicate?? I am trying to meet with men, but unfortunately, no one has aroused my interest yet; I no longer want to go to a second meeting. And I’m afraid that I won’t be able to start an affair in order to get a husband. Something is wrong with me, apparently... And how does he find out, it seems that he doesn’t care, he is experiencing a second youth...
      Out of despair, I read on the Internet that detective agencies in Moscow and St. Petersburg practice the service of returning a husband using the pickup method, compromising the mistress in the eyes of the husband. We don’t have this in our province, but what do you think about it, I wonder?
      Regards, Tatiana

      • Hello Tatiana. The nature of thoughts is much more subtle than we think, and the question of the materiality of thoughts does not subside to this day among psychologists, doctors, and people. There is an opinion that it is at the mental level that thoughts are transmitted from one person to another, even if you do not communicate.
        you touched interesting topic: pickup method. Agencies dealing with this issue guarantee the return of the husband to the family, but whether the spouses will be happy after the reunion is a question. And what the husband will do when he learns about his new lover’s infidelity is also unknown. Often such situations turn into tragic outcomes. Thus, the husband can only be harmed and the love of the abandoned wife is not sincere in this case, but has a selfish orientation. For every action, be it a thought, a feeling, a word or a physical action, the universe has a certain reaction, and the reward - this or punishment - depends on the action.
        I would like to give an example from history about how a difficult problem was resolved. family issue Shilovsky Evgeniy Alexandrovich. This can be judged by his letter to the parents of Elena Sergeevna’s third wife (and widow) M.A. Bulgakov: “... When you receive this letter, Elena Sergeevna and I will no longer be husband and wife. I want you to understand correctly what happened. I do not blame Elena Sergeevna for anything and believe that she acted correctly and honestly. Our marriage, so happy in the past, has come to its natural end. We exhausted each other, each giving the other what he was capable of, and in the future (even if this whole story had not played out) it would have been monotonous living together more out of habit than out of actual mutual attraction to its continuation. Since Lucy (Elena Sergeevna - B.M.) had a serious and deep feeling for another person, she did the right thing by not sacrificing him. We lived well for a number of years and were very happy. I am eternally grateful to Lyusa for the great happiness and joy of life that she gave me in her time. I retain the best and brightest feelings for her and for our common past. We part as friends..."
        Life's fate was favorable abandoned husband, and already four years later Shilovsky married Marianna Alekseevna Tolstoy - Dymshits (1911-1988), the daughter of the master of Soviet literature A.N. Tolstoy, which is believed to have saved him from the Stalinist repressions of military leaders in 1936-1938.
        Tatyana, no matter how hard it is, look forward with faith, back with gratitude, around with love.

I never cheated on my wife and never even thought about it. Apparently I have established family and moral priorities, which cannot be said about my wife :) In my situation, it’s my wife who is looking for all the very reasons why she should cheat on me. And having done this, having tasted it, realizing that it is easy to destroy, he can no longer stop. 🙁 I agree with much of the article. There are many reasons to change, but there is only one reason for being faithful - personality maturity.

Hello. I want to describe my story. My husband got new love At work. We have been married for 19 years. After analyzing everything, I understand my mistakes. A year ago, I became so concerned about my figure and health that I devoted all my strength to myself. I whole year I worked out in the gym, without missing a single workout. I hoped that my husband would appreciate my efforts, but instead he realized that we had different paths. Yes, I was often offended by him, and after my next offense he fell silent. I tried to talk, but he was silent. He said that he himself did not know what was happening to him. Stopped calling me and texting me. Everyone around me says how prettier I am, but my husband doesn’t notice. Didn't leave home. But he texts her on the phone every evening, even though they work together. She is divorced. He stopped having intimate contacts with me. But it doesn't start a conversation with me. I try to pretend that everything is fine. I prepare breakfast and try to communicate with the children. I understand that this relationship is now in full swing. Maybe we should have talked earlier, but now it’s too late. He's euphoric. At least he started communicating more or less. Previously, everyone looked out the window and was very serious. I really want to return his warmth to us. How to behave correctly? I don’t force myself with intimacy. I behave calmly. Let him think for himself.

• Hello, Ekaterina. There is no single answer to the question of how to behave correctly if your husband cheats. Each woman is individual, just as betrayal itself has its own specific features.
  In principle, you are doing everything right: restraining your emotions, not throwing tantrums. Continue to act this way, because men cannot stand “brain blowing,” so always meet your husband after work with a delicious dinner and a smile.
  You should do your best to unobtrusively persuade your husband to intimacy so that his strength is not enough for his rival. Seductive lingerie will reduce the likelihood of being refused to fulfill your marital duty. If there are refusals on his part, immediately switch in thought and deed to creating home comfort. Don’t develop the topic of why he refuses. Now the most important thing is to be patient, learn not to be offended and forgive.

  You can try to take it with indifference. Pretend that you don't care about him. If you always covered him with a lot of your attention, then he will be greatly hurt by your indifference, since he is used to it. Perhaps he will begin to try to return the former warmth on your part. And don’t immediately reciprocate, let him suffer and feel how bad he feels without you, your warmth. Maybe then he'll think about it

I wonder who these fickle men cheat with? ;-) Not with dogs and cats! And with the same fickle women...... Hence the conclusion: men and women cheat equally, the only difference is that women keep their mouths shut))), and men like to brag.

This word has many meanings, even within the realm of “cheating in a relationship.” For some, cheating means that a partner smiles at another person or communicates with the opposite sex. And sometimes we are talking about physical betrayal.

This is a violation of fidelity in marriage, and therefore a violation of the obligations that are imposed upon marriage. But opinions differ on this matter, since the concepts of infidelity and its admissibility in marriage differ.

Statistics show: 90% Russian marriages break up due to betrayal. This puts Russia on a par with the leading countries in adultery.

Despite the fact that women have made significant progress in having extramarital affairs (41%), men still lead in the number of affairs (59%).

Genetic causes of male infidelity

The prevailing social norms in most countries provide for monogamy in relationships. But from the point of view of scientists, a person is genetically located in the brain and there are separate systems responsible for desire, attraction and attachment.

Cheating from a scientific point of view:

• Biologically, the reason why husbands cheat on their wives is due to the influence of dopamine. This “pleasure hormone,” produced during sex, allows you to experience positive emotions when the substance is released. The hormone is captured by dopamine receptors, which are divided into 5 types. Of all the types - D1, D2, D3, D4 and D5 - D4 is responsible for the tendency towards polygamy. If the receptor has long form gene values, a person’s tendency to cheat doubles. By the way, in women, the hormone vasopressin, associated with feelings of empathy and affection, is responsible for the tendency to adultery.
• Instincts are another reason. Their goal is to ensure survival and reproduction. And to achieve the goal, you need to be able to choose the healthiest partner. It is worth saying that in women and male appearance Completely different evolutionary tactics for finding a partner have emerged. The female is extremely selective and strives to choose a genetically appropriate partner. And the male is unlimited in his choice, since, unlike the female, he can have an unlimited number of children.

In other words, a woman cheats on her partner if she believes that she can have healthier offspring with someone else. And a man tends to accumulate partners, since he is not biologically inclined to abandon women. That is, men are polygamous to the same extent as women.

Male infidelity: psychology

Sometimes - if a man is built and raised this way - there is no need for a reason for cheating. But in any case, betrayal signals that in most cases there is still a reason. Let's look at the main ones:

1. Discrepancy between partners in sexual preferences. People don't always think about it, but if one partner's sexual need is several times a month, and the other needs frequent intimate contact, disagreements between spouses are inevitable. When there are problems with your wife sexual relations, a man can give vent to his energy on the side. In this case, extramarital affairs have no emotional attachment and are based more on a physiological need.
2. Diversity. When a couple lives together for a long time and bright feelings give way to a measured family life, one of the partners may become bored in the marriage. Especially if there is no joint search for something new in the relationship. In such cases, betrayal is a desire for adventure, for changes that could diversify a man’s life.
3. Alcohol is another one common reason change In a state of intoxication, people are much more likely to make forbidden contact, even if their principles previously did not allow them to do so.
4. Low self-esteem. Sometimes a man gets married because he has a complex and wants to look self-sufficient and serious. His wife gives him importance in the eyes of society. And sometimes this is not enough. Seeing that other men acquire not only families, but also mistresses, dependent on public opinion a person may be influenced out of fear of being different from others. The situation is dangerous because the man is not able to cope with the eternal fear of looking like a loser. In such cases, it is difficult to do without the help of a specialist, for example a psychologist-hypnologist. Baturin Nikita Valerievich.
5. Self-affirmation: suitable for those men who are experiencing difficulties with their careers and are trying to compensate for this deficiency with success in the love sphere.
6. Falling in love: if feelings for your wife have faded, you don’t want a divorce, but a new object has attracted attention, betrayal is difficult to avoid.
7. Female obsession: sometimes, even knowing family status men and women continue to seek his attention, and it can be difficult for a man who is not particularly principled to resist.
8. Revenge: a spouse may commit adultery in a state of anger, resentment, or a desire to take revenge for the humiliation experienced, hurt pride, or his wife’s infidelity.
9. Business trip: left alone, a man may not be able to withstand a long separation and find a replacement. Temporary forced loneliness is a test for some, but for others it is a real reason for adultery.
10. Lifestyle: In the case of a successful career, a man may consider the opportunity to have a mistress as a “reward”.

Is every man capable of cheating?

Research shows that this is not at all necessary. But there are some types of people who are prone to extramarital affairs.

As a rule, if a man is satisfied with the relationship, there is no reason to change. But there are types of people who cannot be faithful to one partner:

• Actively interested in the opposite sex in all its diversity. This type of man cannot be re-educated. The priority for such a man will be his wife, who is unable or does not want to pay attention to his adventures. The main thing for him in marriage is comfort, homeliness and freedom of action. Such a “womanizer” does not know how to suppress animal instincts, and does not see the point in depriving himself of pleasure. He also does not bother choosing an extramarital partner, since he prefers to change them often. Education plays a big role in the formation of this type.
• Those of weak character do not control the situation, as they easily succumb to hobbies, and often fall under the influence of a mistress with a stronger character. As a result of her manipulations under pressure, they may even get divorced.

Tendency to cheat by zodiac sign

It is impossible to accurately calculate how much depending on the date of birth. Depending on the circumstances, anyone is capable of deception. But you can make assumptions based on the character traits of a particular zodiac sign, and reveal possible reasons betrayal:

• Aries are not fans of adventures on the side, if there are enough of them in family life. This energetic sign needs strong partner in official relationships, otherwise a passion for someone bright and interesting can happen on the side. Aries spends a long time comparing a legitimate object with an unstudied one, and it is better if the comparison is in favor of the first.
• Infidelity is not in the nature of Taurus. Due to their earthly sign, such people are capable of committing treason for the sake of any material benefits or in the case of bad official relations. In a good marriage, Taurus avoid unnecessary affairs, giving preference to family values.
• Geminis cannot be described as a permanent sign due to their changeable nature, hot temperament and love of adventure. Owners of this sign are extremely sociable and will rarely refuse the opportunity to flirt, but only resentment and a desire for revenge can serve as a serious reason for betrayal.
• Leos are distinguished by their devotion and desire to create a family. However, if this does not work out, Leo can have several partners at once. This royal sign is particularly charismatic and masculine, so the basis for betrayal can be a lack of attention in official relationships. Leo is also very demanding: if he does not see a strong, feminine and faithful half nearby who would meet all his conditions, he is unlikely to settle on one partner.
• Virgo rarely cheats, because she respects herself and her choice of partner. However, if the other half is systematically upsetting and disappointing, there is a chance that the virgin will find solace on the side.
• Libras are romantics, and more often dream about something than actually implement it. The main danger in relationships with Libras is misunderstanding, which significantly distances them from their partner.
• Scorpios usually maintain marital fidelity, despite all their sexuality. Everything here is determined by the presence of feelings. If a Scorpio really loves, there is nothing to fear. Serious reasons for concern are lies, since Scorpio does not accept this, as well as the lack of mutual understanding, close spiritual and physical connection.
• Sagittarius is not constancy, since he is a fan of the “extreme” and a lover of new experiences. Therefore, this sign needs a person who can always surprise him. And, of course, Sagittarius will not tolerate restrictions in his freedom.
• Capricorns are practical, hardworking, and rarely cheat. For example, if we are talking about benefits. However, in a family with Capricorn, differences may begin if the spouses do not have a common goal, or Capricorn is not satisfied with the material wealth of the other half. This problem is always fixable.
• Aquarians are stable and do not like changes in relationships. However, they also want something new from time to time. If the other half completely ceases to suit the Aquarius, this will most likely lead to a complete break.
• Pisces: the zodiac sign that will not cheat without love. Pisces do not tend to cheat physically - more often this happens emotionally, in the form of communication with someone, if the main relationship leaves much to be desired. This sign is prone to retreating into its own imaginary world, and is able to be content with only signs of attention from the opposite sex, not necessarily leading to betrayal.

Signs of male infidelity

In case of suspicions and doubts, there are signs that will help you understand if there is cause for concern. But it is worth considering that not all methods are reasoned and are an accurate guarantee of going “to the left.”

1. Sudden love for work. If your husband begins to stay late at constant meetings, regularly go on business trips, and actively participate in corporate events - this is a reason to think about it.
2. A sudden change in habits often coincides with a change in the object of passion. And if a ring periodically disappears from your spouse’s finger, which he forgets to put on every time, this is another reason to doubt his fidelity.
3. Telephone. A wife may suspect infidelity if her husband does not let go of the phone and has set a lock. Moreover, he tries to type messages furtively, hiding the text from his wife, and prefers not to answer calls in the presence of his wife.
4. Problems with transport - too much time began to be spent on correcting breakdowns in the car. Or the car wash has become too far from the house, and now it takes more time to travel.
5. Sudden interest in one's appearance. If your husband started going to the gym, he may have acquired external motivation. Sudden love for someone will look suspicious beautiful suits, new accessories. Especially if the partner suddenly fell in love with cleanliness, and began to take a shower immediately upon arriving home - perhaps this is done in order to hide the foreign smell that has become permanent.
6. Lack of sex. If there is less and less of him in the relationship, there is a possibility that his spouse is increasingly on his side. The emergence of new positions in bed can also become a reason for questions that will be difficult for him to answer.
7. Accidentally pronouncing someone else's name, new jokes, a way of expressing oneself, a constantly changing mood - this is typical for a person in love who transfers the behavior of the object of feelings onto himself. The spouse may suddenly become very thoughtful, or show too much of a positive, show-like attitude. It is worth observing your partner’s behavior, since signs of betrayal are very noticeable if the husband tries not to get caught.
8. Increased financial costs for unknown reasons. It would seem that nothing has changed in income, and in the event of a holiday or other event that involves spending, the wallet turns out to be not too thick. However, in this case, it is possible that the spouse is preparing some kind of surprise - a trip to the sea, an impressive gift, and the excitement is in vain.

Even the presence of one of the signs is not necessarily a guarantee of deception in a relationship. You should not so much look for signs of betrayal as you should make sure that the man is comfortable in the family and trust his intuition.

Why do husbands cheat but don’t want to leave the family?

• reluctance to share property and pay alimony;
• love for children - he does not want to deprive them of their father;
• repentance and desire to make amends;
• he is satisfied with a combination of factors such as family hearth and relationships on the side.

If in the case of the last option restoring the relationship is a serious problem, then in the first three cases the wife should think about

When a woman finds out about cheating, her first reaction is tears, scandal, threats, and rarely does anyone know how to restrain themselves and behave with dignity. And it’s completely in vain: in this case, it’s important to think everything over and try to remove all unnecessary emotions, step back from the situation and evaluate it from the outside. Sometimes it is never possible to fully recover from a blow, and it takes a while to restore a healthy psychological state It takes time and requires the help of specialists.

You shouldn’t get hung up on the thought of cheating, no matter how strange it may sound. To calm down, you should try to repeat “yes, I cheated” many times, and from a dramatic situation it will become absurd, and you will allow your emotions to take control of you.

It is necessary to analyze your own behavior and understand what you can change in yourself so that the husband understands what his wife deserves. better attitude and worthy of respect and love. In this case, it is necessary to clarify everything with each other, discuss what can be done so that the spouse can make amends and not need to have an extramarital relationship. Working on relationships should always be collaborative. You shouldn’t shy away from sex, you need to diversify intimate life to bring back bright feelings. If your husband wants to make amends, give him the opportunity to improve.

If feelings indicate that the relationship is in the past, and the spouse cannot be forgiven for his mistakes, there is no point in trying to save the relationship and maintain the marriage. It is better to give each other a chance for new feelings and a future.

People are much less likely to cheat if they communicate, share emotions and feelings, try to resolve conflicts that arise, and find time to spend time together. In a world of accessibility and permissiveness, it is important to remain faithful to principles and a feeling of true love.