The third year of a child’s life is quite often the first truly difficult test for parents. It would seem that all the difficulties are behind us: the child has grown up and started talking. He is a kind, intelligent, active creature, and communicating with him is a pleasure. But suddenly something incomprehensible begins: at breakfast he pushed away the porridge and demanded soup, refused the offer to go for a walk, called his grandmother “baby”, and when asked to put away his toys, he lay down on the carpet and pretended to be asleep.
Science defines this kind of manifestation in the behavior of three-year-old children with the unpleasant word “crisis”. Psychologists usually advise parents not to panic. A crisis is a natural phenomenon and will pass. And for some children it really goes away - quickly and without consequences. But for others it takes on complicated forms, and they need help - correctly and in a timely manner.
Crises have been known to practicing teachers for a long time. Even in the times of Pestalozzi, Komensky and Rousseau, the unevenness of child development in different periods of his life: it either slows down, stabilizes at some age intervals, then sharply accelerates its pace at others. Stormy, fast development sometimes complicates the child’s relationships with others. Even the most flexible child can become rude, capricious, obstinate, and hysterical at this time. A crisis is a period of such rapid development, and symptoms that are difficult to handle are a sign of its beginning.
What happens to the child?
The crisis of the third year of life has been called the “age of onslaught”, the “crisis of independence”, and the “difficult childhood”. And all because the crisis is not just inevitable, it is necessary. But what to do? Submit to the inevitability and wait until, having survived the “difficult age”, your baby will become the same again, and his mental growth will enter a stable phase?
Is not the best way out. Passive waiting is not the best the right decision problems, but after the crisis the child will still not remain the same. It is not at all necessary that he will become worse, that a difficult (crisis) age will ruin his character - he can become much better than he was, and you will definitely notice that he has become smarter, more independent and more mature. A crisis completely changes the child’s attitude towards the environment: towards the objective world, towards other people, towards himself.
Psychologists call such transformations age-related changes personality, since they affect all mental processes, change the child’s worldview, his life position. A crisis renews personality: the child changes completely, entirely, in all the main character traits. This process is very difficult both for the child himself and for the parents. They do not always keep up with the sudden changes in his psyche and, unwittingly, can unwittingly provoke the negative behavior from which they themselves suffer in the first place.
However, as research shows recent years, such behavior is by no means necessary: about a third of children go through a crisis without symptoms of learning difficulties. When talking about the inevitability of a crisis, scientists mean the direction of child development and its pace. These are objective processes and no one can avoid them.
But the style of behavior of a child in a crisis phase is a subjective factor: it is not only different for different children, but even for the same child can change significantly from the beginning of the crisis to its end.
And this also affects the style of parental behavior. Therefore, even specialists find it difficult to determine where the combination of crisis symptoms is, reflecting the natural course of personal restructuring, and where - the beginning of neurotic changes in the child’s character. However, some signs of “norm” and “deviations” do exist in a crisis, and you need to know them in order to avoid typical family mistakes.
Faces of crisis
For many children, the crisis age manifests itself through negativism, self-will, obstinacy - the child will constantly contradict you in everything. You invite him for a walk, he refuses, although he loves to walk, but as soon as you cancel the walk, he immediately starts whining: “I want to go for a walk, let’s go for a walk.” You collect his clothes, and he again refuses to go out. Exhausting confrontation is becoming more and more frequent. You put cheese on the table, but he insists on calling it butter. Tired of arguing, you agree: “Butter,” he gloatingly objects: “But no, it’s cheese.” He doesn’t care what’s on the table - not the truth, but an argument with an adult is his main goal.
How do adults most often react? It’s strange, but they take offense at the child, perceiving his behavior as a conscious desire to annoy them. Calm down - primary naive negativism is by no means evidence of the child’s spoiled character and his dislike for you. On the contrary, this is a reflection of progressive trends in his development - mental “emancipation” from an adult begins, an attempt to separate oneself from others, to declare one’s own intentions.
The baby does this clumsily, which is natural. His opportunities to express himself are very limited, and he cannot even clearly imagine these intentions. That’s why everything comes out in the form of an absurd contradiction to the obvious. They say “yes” to him, but he repeats “no”, wanting nothing more than to make it clear that he has the right to his own opinion and wants to be taken into account.
Please treat this request for independence with respect and understanding. You need to give him the opportunity to “win” from time to time, within reasonable limits, of course. Frequent concessions are fraught with even more strange behavior. In one family, where we observed the development of a three-year-old child, the mother, at our request, “fought” his negativism in only one way - she agreed with him in everything. A week later, he began to play “negativism”: he placed a toy next to one of the adults, ran away some distance and, shouting: “Don’t touch it, my toy,” rushed to it, although no one thought of attacking it. One day, before going to bed, when once again all his whims were fulfilled, he simply went into hysterics.
Our other observations also showed: a child who rarely encounters resistance from adults in response to any of his claims becomes hysterical and very unhappy by the age of three. Obviously, the problem is this: resistance to the will of an adult, forceful methods of relationship with him are still needed for a child of this age - it is impossible to remove them, and it is not necessary.
With their help, he, as it were, “gropes” for the limits of what is permitted, determines “what is good and what is bad,” and parental reactions help to navigate not only the world around us, but also the own desires and sensations. Children for whom everything is forbidden, in whom all primary forms of negativism are suppressed, subsequently turn out to be lack of initiative, unable to occupy themselves or come up with a game. Their imagination is either extremely impoverished, or, on the contrary, it manifests itself violently, disorderly and unproductive.
Frequent prohibitions and switching the child’s attention from his own naive ideas to other goals break the subtle mechanism of children’s initiative emerging at this age. If there are no prohibitions at all, if any absurd demand is fulfilled, then the child’s ability to distinguish between the suitability and expediency of his initiatives suffers - he turns out to be completely disoriented.
He has nothing to rely on in his actions, he does not understand the measure of the correctness of his actions, since he is deprived of the necessary “limiter” of his desires - a ban. And negative assessments from adults are also needed because children of this age very often evaluate the results of their actions or their actions using the “by contradiction” method: “I’m good because I don’t do bad.”
During the normal course of the crisis, towards the end of the third year, the child learns to more or less clearly formulate his plans and defend them in “human” ways. The absurd confrontation between parents disappears, but it does not always become easier for them: negativism and self-will are replaced by a bunch of other, no less complex symptoms.
Crisis and Imagination
Typically, the initiative that appears in children of the third year of life is accompanied by an increased interest in objects and actions with them. In the language of science - “the formation of personal action: an action conceived by a child and independently performed suddenly acquires some special value for him. It is difficult to distract him from this action; if it does not go well, then he may be upset to the point of tears, and criticism towards him may react in a completely unusual way: scream at you, try to blame failure on someone else, blush with shame.
Most of the symptoms of personal restructuring are purely positive: the baby becomes independent, persistent and diligent. If earlier he acted with the object that caught his eye, now he specifically looks for and selects objects for the action plan that he drew up in advance. And the action itself becomes different - purposeful. The child reflects and compares: if the action does not lead to the desired result, he changes it to something more suitable for his purposes.
However, parents rarely notice these symptoms: what does not cause problems does not attract their attention. Most of all, at this age, they are alarmed by the increasingly frequent cases of deceit, rancor, unbridled boasting, incredible cunning and resourcefulness. For example: an overly curious child was forbidden to touch the vacuum cleaner. After waiting for his mother to leave the room, he went to the window, which was covered with a curtain: “Tuchka, can I leave the dustbin?” “It’s possible, Kila (Kira), it’s possible,” he allowed himself and, with a clear conscience, took up the forbidden subject. The ability to bypass unwanted prohibitions with the help of fantasy is very developed in children of the “crisis” three years old. In general, the imagination at this age is greatly activated and is used by the child for a variety of purposes. First of all, it plays a major role in his objective actions, since it allows him to plan them in advance, go over in his mind the ways to achieve them and keep the final goal in mind. This. so to speak, a productive and useful imagination. However, quite often the child is forced to use his imagination to protect his dignity and his rights. It is this protective imagination that most alarms parents, although it is they who most often bring it to life. Prohibitions force the child to activate his imagination in order to circumvent them. After all, objective activity is extremely important for him. At the age of three, the child’s “I” is uniquely fused with the first independent results in activity. His pride knows no bounds: success in actions with an object, as it were, equalizes his rights with us adults. Objective activity is the only thing that he can repeat after us and in the same way as we do. This is very important for him, so it is almost impossible to deprive him of the opportunity to vacuum cleaner like mom or hammer nails like dad. Defensive imagination gives rise to both chronic failure in objective activities and frequent criticism of parents. This hurts the baby. Success and failure at this age are so closely connected with his “I” that he will perceive non-recognition of his achievements as a personal defeat, as a tragedy, as a signal of his low value for his parents. And he can behave in different ways: withdraw into himself, become indecisive and tearful, or he can simply “invent” his success. All these manifestations are alarming and symptomatic. If a child begins to often deceive you, if he is frightened in advance by your strict remarks and tries to deflect blame from himself with the help of fiction, first of all think about his behavior, reconsider the system of your assessments and methods of punishment - does their severity correspond to his offenses? excessive insult to his pride. Symptoms of children's lies can be easily overcome if the causes that cause them are immediately eliminated. otherwise they can stick for a long time, if not forever.
Imagination and fears
“Crisis” fears are also closely related to imagination. Their difference from the previous ones is that they are not just a child’s reaction to unusual and strong stimuli. At two years old, he may well burst into a roar, hearing for the first time the noise of a coffee grinder or the sound of a siren: the instinct of self-preservation is triggered. By crying, he draws his parents' attention to discomfort, learning to distinguish between dangerous and safe innovations that invade his life.
The fears of a three-year-old child are of a different kind. They can arise after reading a fairy tale or from the discomfort of darkness and settle in his soul for a long time, affecting his behavior. His imagination will create bizarre images of the “scary” and he cannot cope with them. The mechanisms of the birth of fears in three-year-old children have been studied very poorly. As a rule, if the crisis progresses well, they do not particularly strain the baby, but if it is aggravated, they can become a very serious problem.
Quite often, obsessive fears are a sign of neuroticism in the individual and the child should be urgently shown to a specialist. But most children's fears can be dealt with on their own. And first of all, you should not convince the baby that he has nothing to be afraid of, or that he is ashamed to be afraid. Persuasion does not make fears go away, but it adds a feeling of guilt, and the situation can become more complicated. Therefore, the right to be afraid must be recognized, but also help the child fight fears, mobilizing all his ingenuity. One three-year-old toddler was helped by a “magic sword” - a willow twig cleared of bark, which his parents placed near his crib. Another kid, with the help of his mother, “brewed” a potion against ghosts - the most bitter and tasteless foods were poured into a mug. This may seem funny, but the baby develops a feeling of security and fears are no longer scary to him.
So, three years is a milestone that every child overcomes, an important and responsible period in his development: he enters the phase of restructuring his entire mental life. He strives to realize himself in objective activities, is sensitive to others’ assessments of his skill, and he develops a sense of self-esteem.
If adults continue to treat him as small, incompetent, hurt his pride with offensive remarks, limit his initiative and strictly regulate his activity, if they are inattentive to his interests, the crisis worsens and the child becomes difficult and intractable.
This can take root if adults do not rebuild their relationship with him. And, on the contrary, it is easily overcome if they respect his activities and concerns, delicately evaluate his results, support and encourage him.
Then the child develops a sense of self-esteem - an important personal foundation for the development of all children's abilities in subsequent ages. It is very important to help him find this feeling. If it is not formed at the three-year crisis stage, it may never arise at all. Each mental function, each personality trait has its own optimal period of development. The main thing is not to miss it.
A three-year-old child is already beginning to develop a personality. The characteristics of children's behavior and their psychology during this period are designated by the term “crisis.” three years old" Raising a three-year-old child requires special patience and attention from parents. The specifics of his upbringing do not imply the use of excessive severity and an abundance of prohibitions, otherwise the child himself, having matured, will become too capricious, demanding and pedantic.
The child should not be humiliated or beaten, but he should be given a feeling of equality with adults.
Why don't children listen at three years old? To choose the right parenting tactics, you need to understand what is behind your child’s bad behavior. At the same time, it is worth ignoring any gender differences in behavior, since they simply do not exist at this age, and the reasons for disobedience are approximately the same. Psychologists use the concept “frustration” to mean this mental condition
when all a person’s desires cannot be fully satisfied. The child gradually understands that not everything can turn out according to his wishes, much is inaccessible to him, he is forced to obey something, and so he gradually grows up.
Every sensitive, observant parent understands his child perfectly and knows when the baby is capricious simply because he wants to achieve satisfaction of his desire, and when the cause of disobedience is something else: problems in kindergarten that the baby is afraid to reveal to his parents, illness, etc. .
- Here are the main reasons why 3-4 year old children behave badly:
- The struggle for parental attention. The child’s attempt to assert himself as a counteraction to too close parental care.
- Already two-year-old children strive for independence, as evidenced by their continuous babbling “I myself.” Out of the best feelings, his parents try to impose their own point of view on him. The child takes this criticism with hostility and seeks to counteract it with his disobedience. Desire for revenge
- Loss of faith in one's own abilities. When a child despairs or is disappointed in something, his behavior may become inappropriate.
What lies behind parental prohibitions?
The ban can be compared to a kind of boundary set in front of the baby for his own protection. Prohibitions play an important educational role, helping to form children's perception of reality. They must learn to understand that there are times when they need to stop being capricious, what they can and cannot do, and how to behave with dignity among people.
It is clear that all children do not like their parents’ prohibitions too much; they react to them with irritation, protest, resentment, and anger. However, you need to be firm, knowing that psychologically they are important for proper upbringing. It’s a paradox, but thanks to prohibitions, the child feels parental care, which calms and disciplines him. IN modern society There are often situations when those brought up with large number prohibitions, parents, raising their children, try to allow them absolutely everything. Another common mistake is the opposite phenomenon, when parents forbid their children too much, almost everything. In these conditions, an indecisive, timid, timid child grows up, because he has formed a behavioral stereotype - to receive parental approval for any “sneeze”. In order to avoid such problems when raising a child, parents should learn for themselves that every prohibition must have a reason and motivation. After all, the child should understand why it is impossible to do this in
certain situation
, and what consequences his action may cause.
Based on the reasons, all prohibitions can be divided into unconscious and conscious.
- “Man”... The word not only sounds proud, but also has great significance for society and the team. The educational role is assigned (up to...
- Conscious prohibitions
Conscious ones include those prohibitions with which elders seek to protect a child from something. For example, to avoid a sore throat, my mother forbade eating ice cream.
This also includes prohibitions that, according to parents, develop discipline in children, since without them the form of education is incomplete (indulgence, permissiveness, whims, etc. arise).
- Many mothers and fathers continue to use the same parenting methods as their parents, who at one time forbade them from many things. Therefore, now, out of inertia, they forbid the same to their children.
- This may be mixed with a bit of envy towards the younger generation: if it was not available to us in our childhood, then you have no need to have it either.
- Often, prohibitions hide the experiences and emotions of parents, their irritations and resentments. Then the prohibition acts as a punishment: “Since you did not do as I ordered, then new toy you won’t get it!”
- The anxiety of parents can also lead to prohibitions, especially when they try to surround the child with excessive care, just so that nothing happens to him!
But by forbidding a 3-4 year old child to do anything in a condemning tone, parents are making a big mistake, because at this time the child only feels annoyance, shame, and guilt. Such emotions will only negatively affect his upbringing.
Psychology of raising 3-4 year old children
To choose the right vector for raising three- to four-year-olds, you need to take into account the key points of their development during this period. At this time, curiosity awakens, and endless “whys?” are poured in, capable of infuriating any adult. But all his questions must be answered specifically, without going into detail.
If the adult himself does not know the answer, then you can feel free to tell the child about it, promising to find the answer soon. If the child went to kindergarten , and there he has difficulties with adaptation, then adults should help him overcome them. First you need to find out the reason (embarrassment, shyness, jealousy), and then choose a tactic proper communication with peers - whether to share toys with them or, conversely, stand up for yourself.
The psychology of family education of three- and four-year-olds must take into account the changes that the child’s psyche undergoes in the process of growing up. The child develops new feelings: shame, resentment, irritation, sadness, which he cannot cope with on his own, which is why it happens that he behaves badly. At such moments, it is important to support the baby, explaining to him that all his experiences are absolutely normal. You need to convey to your child that it is more appropriate to express your feelings in words rather than through bad behavior. The child needs to be praised more often, as he acutely feels the lack of praise. He should be punished only according to the case and so that he knows why. You can praise him for his great diligence and achievements in any matter. Even if the child’s behavior is not pleasing, he should always be told that he is loved.Child and adolescent psychology is not just for specialists. This is a magic key to the castle, it opens the doors to the world of a child’s soul &nda...
Features of raising children according to their temperament
At some point, parents sometimes notice that children can react differently to the same events: they listen to some comments calmly, others begin to play around and play pranks even more, and there are also those who throw real hysterics and a storm of disobedience. Therefore, the same educational approach cannot be mechanically applied to all children, since each child has his own temperament. Taking into account the type of temperament, you can find the key for any child, even the most naughty one. If a 3-4 year old child is raised incorrectly and his temperament is not taken into account, then not only can he encounter disobedience and problems, but in the future his personality may completely degrade.
When a child is often scolded and even beaten, then growing up and becoming an adult, he often finds himself susceptible to bad addictions (nicotine, alcohol, drugs). Such people have problems communicating both with peers and with people of other ages.
Psychologists distinguish 4 types of character temperament:
- choleric people;
- sanguine people;
- phlegmatic;
- melancholic people.
Almost no real character falls exclusively under any type of temperament; combinations of them in different proportions are much more common. The dominance of one or another type of temperament is determined by the type of parental communication with the child. Children with different temperaments react differently to similar situations, which is especially evident in cases of any refusal.
Sanguine children
It is easiest to raise sanguine people, who most often have good mood. The following traits can be noted in sanguine children:
- there are no mood swings, and even an upset baby will not fall to the floor, roar or kick his legs;
- Sanguine people are mobile, always aiming to interact with something, to run somewhere;
- they have high self-esteem and a strong nervous system;
- they fall asleep quickly and wake up easily, which also characterizes the functioning of their nervous system.
But these seemingly ideal children are not without flaws. So, sanguine people love to cheat, and if they don’t want to do something, then it’s almost impossible to force them.
Parents of sanguine children make a mistake when they take their children at their word - this way they will only follow their lead. If you do not pay enough attention to these points, then the child may well grow up to be a swindler and a liar. In order to avoid such consequences, parents must maintain a line of upbringing where the child must fulfill parental demands. This should be done without lectures or shouting, but calmly. Another common mistake of parents of young sanguine people is excessive praise.. If you excessively praise even such balanced children who have good self-esteem, then they can “grab a star.”
Melancholic children The melancholic type of temperament is one of those that demands most attention
10 1
. Such unusually sensitive children are very easy to offend and upset, and yelling at them is the same as arranging physical execution. This type is characterized by the following features:
- What to do if a child fights with his parents? How can parents deal with this situation? What are the reasons for this behavior? The answers to these questions are...
- fast fatiguability;
- difficult adaptation to new conditions;
increased sensitivity. When raising a melancholic person gross mistakes
is public reprimand and punishment for poor performance. For a melancholic person, learning in a large group already creates a stressful situation, so his main task in kindergarten and junior school becomes adaptation to his group or class, and only then does success in mastering academic disciplines occur.
Phlegmatic children
- Phlegmatic people are calm and balanced, whose distinctive features are:
- slowness;
- emotionlessness;
When raising a phlegmatic person, mistakes include passively spending time with him and conveying demands to him verbally. It is better for him to show everything by his own example.
If its development is not actively pursued, then it will remain “a stone under which water does not flow.”
Choleric children
- Cholerics can be called engines of progress, who constantly need to do something, run somewhere, although they easily give up any task without completing it. The main features of choleric people:
- mobility, activity, noise;
- emotionality;
restless sleep.
4 0 It is very important to raise a choleric person correctly so that he does not grow up to be overly emotional and even aggressive, which is not far from antisocial behavior. When raising choleric children, parents often make mistakes, showing them excessive care and concern, as well as aggression. On the contrary, you need to behave in a balanced manner with a choleric person, even despite the fact that he screams and plays pranks. It is impossible to suppress it, but it is more effective to respond to its whims in a calm tone.
You cannot indulge his demands, but you should impose your life principles, adhere to reasonable prohibitions and long-term agreements.
More recently, your child was a sweet and affectionate baby, snoring in his crib, but a little time passed, and was replaced by curiosity and the crisis of 3 years - this is what psychologists call the time when a charming boy or girl turns into a capricious mischief that does not give rest to any family member . It would seem that there are problems in upbringing or character, but it is better to understand the reasons more deeply.
- The behavior of a three-year-old child during a crisis can change beyond recognition: it is important for parents to know in advance about the nuances of the upcoming test in order to get out of it as gently as possible
- Symptoms of crisis in children
- The child moves away from adults. There is a confrontation with adults - the baby wants to do everything on his own, any help you give will be met with hostility.
- You have to come to terms with the desire to defend your “I”, now your child feels like an adult.
- In the speech of a 3-year-old child, you can hear formulations of the following type: “I want”, “I myself”.
- The child becomes jealous and greedy, this worsens when the second baby is born.
- Stubbornness manifests itself in every detail - be it the desire to walk longer, buy a toy, or not eat porridge. Harmfulness is another trait: if you ask a child for something, he will do the opposite, and not because he wants to, but only out of a desire to play pranks., sometimes it comes to swearing at adults, hysterical crying, children's screams, biting and hysterics, in such a situation it is not worth indulging the whims, citing the crisis of three years, you risk raising an uncontrollable person (we recommend reading:).
- The baby requires a lot of attention - even leaving him for a minute, you will encounter aggression towards you - you may be accused of almost betrayal.
- During the crisis of 3 years, the child wants to be the best in everything, feeling parental support - he needs to be praised for his achievements in order to evoke a feeling of pride.
Causes of the crisis at 3 years old
This article talks about typical ways to solve your issues, but each case is unique! If you want to find out from me how to solve your particular problem, ask your question. It's fast and free!
The causes of the crisis are due to growing up little man. If earlier he felt like a defenseless creature, now significant changes have occurred in his inner world: it seems as if he is already an adult, dissatisfied with life. At this time, parents behave somehow strangely: they try to take care of them, which causes aggression.
The acute form of the crisis is caused by incorrect family upbringing, if mom and dad deprived the baby of independence, did not allow him to make decisions, and constantly looked after him. Often young parents are characterized by inconsistency in behavior: dad allows, but mom forbids toys. All this will lead to a crisis of 3 years.
How long does the crisis last for three years?
The crisis of 3 years has no clear boundaries; a rebellion against the authoritarian family structure can begin at 2.5 or 3 years. The course of this time and duration are determined by upbringing, the efforts that parents make to overcome a difficult age. It may take about a year for the baby to become a normal child again, in most cases the situation becomes stable by the age of 4 years.
The 3-year-old crisis is a relative concept, since a child can “reign” until the age of 4
How can you help your child get through this time?
- To exclude the occurrence of a three-year crisis, do not use authoritarianism; excessive guardianship will lead to the fact that you will end up raising an indoor child, this will create a lot of problems in later life. Excessive care has never been beneficial.
- Parents should adhere to one system of education; they should agree on this in advance, discussing the details and clarifying controversial issues, resolving issues with grandparents - they often spoil their grandchildren without listening to you.
- Behave calmly, not succumbing to the provocations of the little tyrant, he must understand that he will not throw you out of balance with hysterics and tears, eliminate manipulation, show that it will not be possible to achieve your desire by screaming.
- Don’t argue with your child, trying to impose your point of view on him; at 3 years old, the baby can already make decisions on his own; if earlier you fenced him off from many things, now it’s time to explore the world without prohibitions - let him feel independent.
- You should also not command the baby, this will increase nervous tension and worsen the attitude, it is better to show restraint, let the child think that he makes the decision on his own.
- You should not force him to eat food; if signs of a three-year-old crisis appear, allow the child to choose the duration of the meal himself; if he has eaten, he can go; perhaps he is simply not hungry, and you are imposing your position; normally, the baby himself knows how much food he needs.
- A three-year-old child needs independence: if he wants, he can sweep the floor, wash the dishes, water the flowers, or even do the laundry - small household chores will form a love of hard work, even if it doesn’t work out very well, praise him.
During a crisis, independence is very important for a child - it is worth allowing the child to join adult activities, letting him make his own choices
- A psychologist’s instructions will help you cope with difficulties; if you want to avoid conflicts, behave accordingly: ask the child’s permission in everything that concerns his person, if he goes for a walk, find out what clothes he will wear, if you are preparing dinner, ask what he wants.
- Be reasonable - give in on little things, for example, if today the baby wants to eat a second course before soup, nothing bad will happen; there’s also nothing terrible in wanting to take these particular toys into the yard.
- Make compromises - let the child choose the best solution for him; parents do not need to issue ultimatums.
- Study the psychological characteristics of your child, children's body individual, pay attention to the child’s weaknesses, build education not on punishments, but on positive rewards.
- If a child can’t cope, you don’t need to do everything for him, it’s better to just offer to help. If you encounter aggression, do not insist; let the baby do everything as it turns out; you can do it again without him.
- Showing warmth and affection is a sure way to overcome crisis phenomena, you need to take care of the baby, hug and praise him more often, this will build self-confidence in the growing prankster, and will allow him to feel loved in the family. Children who are forced to share love with their brothers and sisters especially need such gestures.
- If you cannot cope with the situation on your own, and the tense situation in the family increases, it is better to seek the help of a professional child psychologist.
Do not be afraid to contact a psychologist with your child - a specialist will simply help you calmly survive the period of crisis and tell parents what to do in specific situations
- Constant swearing will lead to the fact that the child will be disappointed in you, psychology helps parents: you shouldn’t lose your temper over trifles, a broken cup will not become a tragedy, and soiled pants can always be washed, negative behavior will lead to a guilt complex in the growing person, and this is already threatening more serious consequences in adult life.
- Game techniques will help turn routine tasks into fun and carefree time spent together; it will be easier to eliminate the three-year crisis - you will understand how good this method of education is. Your favorite toys will come to your aid: the doll wants to eat only with the baby, the bear does not go to bed alone.
- A difficult age lasts a long time due to the fact that you choose the wrong tactics of behavior: you should not compare your child’s successes with other children - a feeling of inferiority may develop, and the child will begin to have a negative attitude towards other children. It is better to compare successes with his own example.
- The child's character will be hopelessly spoiled if you constantly insult him: a bungler is far from best definition his skills, even if the baby cannot do something himself. Praise the effort, offer to help a little to make the result even better.
It may be impossible to restore the lost family balance on your own; a difficult age for children becomes a tough test of strength. If you cannot solve the problems that have arisen, feel free to psychological assistance not worth it: a qualified specialist will help with advice and action, direct you to the right direction, allowing you to raise a happy and full-fledged member of society.
Doctor Komarovsky about the 3-year-old crisis and naughty children
How to raise a spoiled child? What should parents know? Is it possible to punish a child? How to easily survive a crisis? When should you see a doctor? Dr. Komarovsky will answer these questions in his video, he will talk about the main aspects of education, share useful tips and recommendations with parents.
Good evening! Natalya, we have such a situation. When my child was 1.8 months old, his grandmother took him, because I was pregnant with my second, and there were difficulties, and I was doing renovations in a new apartment. The child lived with his grandmother for 6 months and returned when the baby was 2 months old. And it started right away, he started peeing in his pants, stopped pooping, and started having enemas. She doesn’t listen to me and her husband, she has hysterics, screams, everything is in denial, and she has problems with food. He offends the baby and always tries to pinch, scratch or hit. Although, when he lived with his grandmother, there was an ideal child who understood everything, played with other children, and also shared toys with the kids. Now the eldest is 2.6 months old, and the youngest is 6 months old, the situation has not changed. He hurts the baby, doesn’t give him toys, takes everything away. He even takes away the toys that were given to his brother, he shouts that I won’t give it to him. We started giving both toys, trying to explain that we need to share and change, but there was no result. So he doesn’t share toys with other children. I understand that we made a mistake by staying with my grandmother for so long. What should we do? I'm afraid that he will grow up to offend and not love his brother.
Good afternoon, dear readers! When a child is born, we take care of him independently. Whether he likes it or not, we wear the clothes that suit us in our opinion, we choose the toys ourselves. And we don’t even think that the moment will soon come when the baby will want to decide for himself. You don't have to wait until you reach adulthood. We are only a couple of years away from this moment.
Yes, my dears, at the age of 3 a child experiences his first pregnancy! Have you noticed changes in your baby's behavior? And the change is most likely not in better side. Yes? Then let's talk today about what it is like to raise children 3-4 years old.
And in order to better understand, I will talk about the developmental features of the baby at this age, advice from specialists and the role of family and society.
Hmmm... at one point the little one begins to understand that he is a separate person. A desire awakens in him to solve some issues on his own. It’s just that the child doesn’t always hit the mark.
For example, when dressing for the street, you cannot convince him to put on a warmer hat, because another little one liked the appliqué on him. Some parents cannot stand this behavior and break down. But, understand, it’s not easy for the baby in this situation either! With all his attempts he shows that he, too, must be taken into account! Not otherwise. And here a lot depends on you and me. How we treat a small personality will determine such development in the future.
Try to provide options for choice, show 2 hats that suit you in terms of practicality, with an offer to make the baby make an independent choice between them. You won’t lose anything, and the little one will be happy that he decided what wardrobe to wear.
And yet, at this tender age, it is difficult for a toddler to quickly switch from one activity to another. Therefore, when the game is in full swing, and you insist on urgently going to brush your teeth and sleep, don’t expect anything but a storm of protest. There is no use in rushing and making noise.
I read somewhere that if during this period you are indignant and demand that the little one do something quickly, he will grow up to be slow. So one careless action and it will be difficult for the baby to adapt to this life in the future.
At 3-4 years old, a fidget develops independence. And this best time to develop the skills of cleaning up after oneself, folding clothes neatly in a drawer. If you are not patient and start doing this for your heir, you risk ending up with an indecisive creature.
Reasons for bad behavior
I would like to start this subtitle with a quote from the famous pediatrician E. Komarovsky: “100% of adults know how to make children, but 99.9% do not know what to do with them later.” If you think about it, this is really true. It’s not enough to show a toddler how to use a spoon, it’s important to help develop character. And everyone goes through this.
So what are the causes of the problem? Maybe it's all about psychology?
- It’s trite, but the baby lacks attention. Adults are often passionate about their important affairs. And there is no time left to play with your beloved baby. After all, he can already take a construction set and assemble it himself, what else is needed? A person by nature wants the understanding of his family and attention. Don’t adults sometimes want to talk to someone, or just be silent, but together with someone! So are the kids. Offer to read together when he's not expecting it. Don't push the little man away with his desires. If parents postpone the construction of a toy house until later, this may cause the little one’s anger.
- Revenge. Yes, from such a tiny creature. Unconsciously, of course. For example, after a long stay with the mother, the baby was sent to kindergarten. And there are other people there and the schedule doesn’t suit you either. And the little one just takes out his bad mood on others.
- Personal self-affirmation. This is how this stage is marked. The child is a person, and if someone is against it, he will get a teapot!
- Formation of low self-esteem. And this is from our own initiative, my dears. This is caused by too much or, conversely, insufficient care. The little one becomes unsure of himself until he realizes that he is being broken. This is what negativism expresses. In the future, he will become an insecure person looking for his mother’s advice.
Family education
Few would disagree, but the foundation of character is strengthened in the family. So how should we deal with whims correctly, and what problems do we need to solve?
The main goal is to guide the child in the right direction, without punishment. After all, you won’t achieve anything based on hysteria. Komarovsky says on this topic that when a period of hysterical and whiny behavior begins, it is better to boycott the child. Do not fulfill whims. You need to negotiate with him after the onset of calm. The parent’s calm behavior in this situation will make it easier to overcome the child’s anger attack.
Sometimes it’s also difficult for us to persuade our son to work out. After all, he gives homework assignments. Although I try to do this in game form, but Dominic sometimes doesn’t have enough patience. Then we find a compromise: first we blow bubbles, then we work out and put away the toys after ourselves. Whenever possible, I offer options. It’s easier with Ivona, she’s still little.
Use your little one’s desire to do everything on their own in the direction you want. Ask to water the flowers, this way you will develop a caring attitude towards nature. You can also make the bed, clumsily, of course, but this is a learning period! Over time he will learn. If labor education start at 5 years old, it will take even longer to get used to order.
At 3 years old, a child loves to repeat after adults. Buy a cleaning kit, miniature ironing board. Don’t force it, but when you start cleaning, you will hear the demanding: “And I want it too!” For boys, fake daddy's instruments are suitable.
While walking or on the street, solve the problem environmental education. Talk about plants as if they were living characters. One of my friends compared tree branches to fingers and said that tearing them was bad.
But this period coincides with taking the baby to kindergarten. How is the problem of developing a correct attitude towards what is happening in the baby solved?
The role of kindergarten
Firstly, this is already a collective of baby-like creatures. And the teachers conditionally divide this crowd of children by gender. Learning occurs through games, girls are attracted economic part, dishes, etc., boys with cars and the like. But there is also joint activities. It is necessary. And problems of this kind are solved here.
- A large role is given to patriotic aspects. The tiny little girl’s vocabulary is already more than 1.5 thousand words. He is able to remember and reason logically. Love for the Motherland begins with love for family and loved ones.
- Moral. Instilling in a small creature compassion for others, forgiveness of insults, and kindness is very important at an early stage.
- Sensory. A preschool child should know the meaning of objects by touch: hard - soft, hot - cold. An interesting exercise is mixing colors together. In addition to the fact that this is a study of colors, the child is amazed to learn that a completely new color can be obtained this way. Such orientation in space helps to train logic and thinking.
- Development physical activity teaches correct behavior a team. And it improves health! In every garden, exercise is required before breakfast. All kids love to wave their arms and legs. This will only cause positive emotions.
- Respect for nature. I have already talked about this. IN preschool institutions A lot of attention is also paid to this. Teaching thrift and accuracy is inextricably linked with patriotism, kindness, and love for loved ones.
In general, educators should hold meetings about this. Convey to parents how to properly guide their child in the right direction. But unfortunately, in most gardens meetings are held only for the reason of “raising money”! But, of course, this does not mean that they do not work with your child there. A four-year-old toddler, if anything, will report himself what they are doing in their group and what they are playing. Fortunately, there is already enough intelligence and a set of words!
Literature
But here are several popular publications that will be useful in communicating with children.
- Martha and Williams Sears “Your child from birth to 10 years old”. The popular manual will be useful not only for preschoolers, but also for those who have already crossed the threshold of school.
- Natalya Ilyina, Diana Khorsand " Raise a child... How?" The book is based on personal experience. The authors talk about sons and daughters from infancy.
- K. Qualls " How to raise children without punishment" Describes ways to get out of conflict situations. It will be useful to arm yourself with such information!
Of course, these are general tips. Each child is individual. Temperament is given by nature, and character is developed in the family and team. Help without harming.
A book-collection of magical and useful fairy tales " » as a gift for you!!!
All the best, dear readers! Don't forget to use the opportunity to subscribe to blog updates and leave a comment on the topic. Perhaps your experience will help someone else.
I almost forgot, please add to the list of literature that in your opinion can help in raising our children. Many thanks to everyone who responded!
Child's age preschool age can be divided into three age categories - up to one year, from one to three years and the most conscious age after three years, because psychology of children 3-4 years old differs significantly from the psychology of younger children.
Let's take a closer look at what psychology of children 3-4 years old.
Usually, after the baby passes the age of three, many parents begin to notice significant changes in the behavior of their child, for which they are sometimes completely unprepared, which in turn leads to a number of problems not only between parents and children, but also between adults family members.
The baby’s behavior often changes beyond recognition, even yesterday’s perfect child, becomes simply unbearable, uncontrollable, capricious, embittered, stubborn crybaby. And naturally, having discovered such serious changes, many mothers and fathers find themselves at a complete loss, not knowing how to build their line of behavior in order to get along with a three-year-old child.
It is important to understand that psychology of 3 year old children, changes significantly, and the children, in fact, are not to blame for this, they are simply fully developing as an independent personality. During this period, parents should be very attentive, have patience, wisdom and try to completely control all children’s actions, perceive them adequately, and try to calmly explain to the child what can and cannot be done, which action is good and correct, and which is bad and It's not worth repeating again. Despite the fact that it will sometimes be difficult to do this, you cannot miss a single moment, since after committing a certain act, the baby constantly monitors the reaction of adults.
Try to always discuss and explain to your child the motivation for your requests, be interested in his wishes so that he understands and before doing anything, tries to comprehend his further actions. If during such difficult communication you feel that your patience is running out, try to restrain yourself, leave the room, leaving the child alone, and calm down. Raised tones, a belt, an angle, punishment in such situations in most cases turns out to be an ineffective and useless measure. It’s better to explain to your child, explain why you are angry and that you do not want to talk to him at this moment, and when you calm down a little, explain to him what he is wrong about.
Also often psychology of a child at 3 years old, involves the acute development of such feelings as fear. The baby begins to be afraid of those things that he previously simply did not pay absolutely any attention to. Children begin to be afraid of the dark, heights, large open spaces, strangers, new surroundings, and so on. Many children experience an inexplicable night terror, your child may begin to wake up in the middle of the night with crying a lot or scream in your sleep, not want to fall asleep on your own and sleep alone. Almost all of us experienced something similar in our childhood, but we have long forgotten about it.
Moms and dads should definitely help their child get rid of such night fears or at least reduce them. It is important to convince the baby that there is nothing terrible around him and cannot be, that he is under your constant protection and care, that a strong dad will be able to protect him from any ill-wishers, and wise mother will prevent any troubles.
However, as psychologists have established, often the main cause of children's fears is an unstable situation in the family, excessive quarrels and conflicts between adults, an unfavorable atmosphere provokes increased nervousness in the child. He begins to plead guilty to his dad's anger or mom's tears, tries to engage in self-flagellation and is in a very difficult situation. psychological state. Therefore, it is important for adults, at all costs, to avoid any quarrels and conflicts in the presence of their children, believe me, the baby feels much deeper and more than you think, and even if you have a small disagreement, it seems to you that he does not hear you and continues play or do some of your own business, don’t be so sure about it, everything can be very difficult and unpredictable.
Also, in order for a child to have healthy, full sleep, after two years, you should not overload the baby in the evening, four to five hours before bedtime, with an excessively large amount of different information,
Minimize your TV viewing or even give it up altogether in the afternoon.
You should not give preference to noisy and active games before bedtime. The opinion of adults that a child runs around, jumps, spends all his energy and falls asleep in a “dead sleep” is very wrong, unfortunately. psychology of a child 2 - 3 years old differs significantly from the psychology of an adult and
in most cases, the expected result turns out to be the opposite - the child sleeps poorly, spins in his sleep, cries, or cannot fall asleep at all.
Do not forget about the diet, do not overload the baby’s body in the afternoon with heavy, fatty or very sweet foods, which complicate the digestion process and have an extremely negative impact on the child’s condition, especially at night.
We should not forget that most children begin to attend kindergarten at the age of three. This significant change in their well-coordinated, familiar life often leads to the most unexpected changes in the child’s behavior and psychology. During the adaptation period, children show excessive capriciousness, stubbornness, unwillingness to obey adults, etc. All this happens because the baby begins to understand that he is no longer the main member of the family, he is sent to a society where he is surrounded by small children just like him. Some children begin to feel unnecessary, superfluous, deprived. It is very important for parents not to miss this moment and clearly explain to their child about his new interesting status. Convincing him that mom, dad and all the other family members still love and appreciate him very much, that kindergarten will give him a lot of new interesting emotions, communication with peers, games, walks, etc., are radically different from those which he knew so far.
If you liked our site, express your "thank you"
by clicking on the buttons below.
