What to do if your child constantly throws tantrums. Children's tantrums: how to calm a child

The article was not written by a professional. You should never ignore the tantrums of a child aged 1-3 years. At this age, he himself cannot control and calm down. Every pro knows and agrees on this. Such is the fragile psyche of children. The way out is to switch attention. And heartless parents ignore

1. Has your child ever had a tantrum as described in the article? When he’s 2 years old and in hysterics, he doesn’t hear or see anything, and all the persuasion only inflames him even more? It seems that this has never happened to you since you write this

Your child is at the age of crisis of 3 years. It’s not easy for him during this period and his mother should help him get through this stage of growing up. Try to switch the attention of the little rebel to something else when you feel that a scandal is brewing. Always try to give a choice in this or that matter. For example, a child refuses to eat, ask him: “Which plate will you have the soup in - blue or with flowers?” The baby will feel that he is taken into account and treated like an adult. This can be done in any matter.

The crisis of 2 years is characterized by whims and hysterics. Mom needs to be a “distraction specialist” during this period. Does he react violently to the word “no”? Just don’t say it, replace it with a story about what will happen as a result of a bad deed or action. Sometimes it’s easier to let something try so that the child can see the result for himself and understand the cause-and-effect relationship. If he doesn’t want to wear mittens outside, let him feel how cold it is to walk around with bare hands, etc.

The child is 2 and 9 months old. Every day there are constant tantrums with or without cause. I couldn’t go to kindergarten because I didn’t want to be left without me (my mom) even for a second, and I immediately threw a tantrum. He sleeps very poorly from birth, takes a long time (more than an hour) to fall asleep. We try to do everything as needed, but there is no effect. The eldest child was completely different. What to do with the little one, I have already become twitchy from the constant cries of the child.

What is the difference child's tantrum from a simple whim? Because it is an uncontrollable emotional explosion, a reaction of protest that cannot be ignored. The heyday of such “special” behavior is early childhood (from 1 year to 3 years), when all children, to one degree or another, try their abilities, become familiar with the word “no,” but do not have sufficient ways to express disagreement and the means to achieve what they want.

Older children also make trouble from time to time. It's important to remember that child's hysteria– this is just an emotional and behavioral reaction, and you shouldn’t be afraid of it. It will go away just like the crying of a baby, if done correctly. organized conditions and adequate attitude of parents towards the baby.

A child throws a tantrum: origins

The first step is to recognize the reasons why a child reacts violently to something and the benefits that he receives from using this behavior.

• Manipulation of adults. There comes a time when the child does not get what he wants or is faced with demands that were not presented to him before (for example, putting away his toys). The baby begins to be capricious, and if this does not help, he tries new way achieve the result: falls to the floor, choking on tears and screaming, closing his eyes and waving his arms and legs. At this moment, parents experience a whole range of feelings, from powerlessness and embarrassment to rage. And if the scene takes place in public place, then pressure from outside adults often comes in, and the baby gets his way: new toy, cake, etc. This situation quickly takes hold, and the child begins to cleverly manipulate adults.
• Lack of attention. In this case, the child does not make demands because he does not understand what he needs, but feels discomfort. He simply behaves in such a way that it is impossible not to react to it. Often such attacks of hysteria occur in families where parents are too busy with their own affairs, and the child’s adequate, socially acceptable behavior does not meet with any response or is not noticed. Then, in order to get “his share” of emotional contact, the child resorts to hysterics.
• Unbalanced psyche of a child. Of course, for every child, fatigue, poor health and excessive emotions can cause hysterics as a release of pent-up energy. But there are children who are more prone to such attacks due to the characteristics of the nervous system. Easily excitable, hyperactive children are more likely to throw tantrums. Their “weak” nervous system is more sensitive to overload, and self-control is lacking. Such a child may understand that his behavior will not lead to any result, but he is not able to cope with his emotions. Usually, after a short-term outbreak of inappropriate behavior, he becomes calm and easily returns to his usual activities, as if having thrown off an emotional burden.
• Fear, traumatic situation. This is perhaps the deepest reason tantrums in children. Stress caused by the loss of a loved one bad relationships between parents, conflicts in children's team, moving, returning to a situation associated with severe fright, can provoke hysterics in a child.

Let's consider several typical situations of hysteria to understand in various ways overcoming it.

Children's hysteria: what to do if you forgot about the child

Little Sasha is 4 years old and is a fairly calm boy. One day his parents went with him to visit friends who had recently given birth to a baby. At first Sasha behaved well, but after an hour of “getting together” his behavior began to change. He began to whine, cling to his parents, and then threw a tantrum with terrible screams, so much so that the parents did not know where to hide from shame.

Children preschool age still remain emotionally dependent on their parents, although outwardly they give the impression of being grown up and independent. Finding himself among adults busy with their own affairs and a newly born baby, Sasha acutely felt the lack of attention to himself, the loss of his significance, and therefore began to be capricious. But his “signals” were not understood, which led to hysteria.

In such a situation, it is best to apologize to your friends and leave the stage, giving the child the opportunity to calm down and relax. You can distract your baby by inviting him to look at “what’s out there outside the window” or “oh, what an interesting thing hanging here on the wall...” If you have a purse with you, you can say in a mysterious voice: “Oh, look what’s in my purse There is!" Usually babies stop crying from such news and look into their mother’s bag with interest. Make sure that there is always something interesting there, in case such an outbreak breaks out. children's hysteria... What to do more? When a child just can’t calm down, it’s a good idea to use the “holding” method: hug the baby tightly, hold him close and stroke his back. And after he calms down, it would be nice to give him something warm to drink. It is important for parents to remember that the baby long time left to his own devices, tired, in an unusual environment, he will remind you of himself in the loudest way. Therefore, when visiting, do not forget to keep your child busy with something interesting.

Children's hysteria: what to do if a child is capricious

Three-year-old Lisa has been regularly tormenting her family for several months now with constant hysterics that can occur in response to any ban. Moreover, the girl is not embarrassed by either strangers or relatives, she does not react to persuasion and does not budge, notifying the surrounding area with a loud cry of “I want!”

Needless to say, going to the store becomes a real torture for the girl’s mother, fraught with unnecessary purchases. And the situation on the street is no better - either give her someone else’s doll, or “I won’t go home”... Lisa uses classic manipulative hysteria, seeking fulfillment of her demands in a way that, apparently, once worked. The most important thing in the event of a “store tantrum” is to remain calm. You need to make it clear to your child that you are unpleasant about his behavior, but you are not angry and are not going to fulfill his wishes just because he is lying on the floor. You can take the “troublemaker” out of the store, depriving him of a curious audience. There is no point in persuading or explaining something to a child at the moment of hysteria, he will not hear anything anyway. It is better to discuss his behavior after he has calmed down.

If a scandal breaks out on the street (for example, about someone else’s toy), then it is important to quickly switch the child’s attention to some object in his field of vision. The phrase: “Oh, look who’s running!”, said by the mother with excitement, will make the baby forget about his offense for a moment and look where the mother is pointing. If the object interests him, the screaming ends.

The main thing is not to stop there, continuing to tell the baby something like: “Oh, the cat ran, look how black it is (red, with a fluffy tail). How does a cat meow? Let's go look at her! "

Another way to distract is to interest them in action. For example, you can take crayons out of your bag and invite your little one to draw on the asphalt. Or silently start drawing yourself. Most likely, the baby will want to participate. Drawing is a great way to let off steam. Does your daughter want to go home? Well, you can tell her like this: “Okay, you can continue walking, just take me out. Can you imagine, I forgot where our house is! Can you tell me? Give me a pen". A three-year-old child is unlikely to doubt the truth of his mother’s “forgetfulness”; he will take her home, and there he will forget that he made a scandal.

Children's hysteria: what to do if the child is afraid

Zoya recently turned five years old, but her parents are still preparing with horror for a visit to the children's clinic, when the child will have a blood test. You can agree with the girl about the upcoming event, that it is necessary, and she will sincerely promise that she will behave well. But as soon as she approaches the office, not a trace remains of her intentions. Each time the matter ends in a scandal, because Zoya first freezes in place, not listening to any persuasion, and then begins to actively resist and scream...

Sometimes it happens that an event associated with a negative emotion (for example, fear) is imprinted in the child’s psyche. When a number of conditions are combined (the impressionability of the child, pain, emotional reaction of adults, etc.), some situations begin to frighten the baby so much that they lead to hysterics. In the case of Zoya, it can be assumed that the reason for her behavior in the clinic is precisely a strong, unprocessed fear, which only gets consolidated and intensifies with each childish hysteria. What to do? In such a situation, the child’s feelings and needs should not be ignored. It is best for Zoya and her parents to work with a child psychologist, he will draw up a behavior correction program. But parents themselves can take some steps.

Be as unemotional as possible when visiting the hospital (the child feels the stress of the parents), voice your daughter’s emotions, but do not give in to them: “Yes, you don’t want to go, you’re afraid, but it has to be done. Now let’s be afraid and stop.” At the moment of hysteria, react to the scream as a normal reaction that will soon pass, you just need to be patient a little. Do not scold your child for yelling, even if you are ashamed in front of others. It is necessary to create such conditions for the child that the association “doctor-pain-fear” is broken. To do this, it is necessary to replace the emotion of fear towards medical procedures with an emotion of interest: play “doctor”, changing roles, and replaying all sorts of unpleasant moments and behavior; study children's encyclopedias and anatomical atlases, take your child with you when you undergo any examinations so that he can observe an adequate reaction. A little about angels...

Are there children who don't throw tantrums? Some parents can probably say that they have not encountered such behavior in their own child. Indeed, there are such talented mothers and fathers who easily regulate the process of child development.

It also happens that the child himself is phlegmatic by nature and calmly relates to control, prohibitions and the imposition of the will of an adult. But most often children's tantrums are forgotten as the child “outgrows” them, the parental attitude towards his behavior changes and it seems as if the hysterics never happened at all. Therefore, try to treat children's tantrums not as shame and horror, but as a signal that something is wrong with you. family life or something is going wrong in your baby’s life, and you have the opportunity to change it. You can definitely do it!

Raising a baby means not only rejoicing at his first word, step or smile, but also enduring a very unpleasant manifestation of character - children's tantrums. Usually the first time parents encounter this phenomenon is when the child is one year old. Previously, a child's crying could mean anything: he is uncomfortable, he is hungry, something hurts, and after a year there may be no objective reasons for the hysteria. A child experiencing his first crisis may fall into an uncontrollable state only because he is not allowed to do something. Why one year old child throwing tantrums and how to deal with it?

Some parents may confuse whims and tantrums. But these are slightly different concepts. In the first case, the child acts thoughtfully, whines, demands and firmly stands his ground. In the second case, the child loses control over his emotions as a result of parental refusal. A classic example would be a one-year-old child demanding that he take his parent's phone. The parent refused to satisfy the demand - and received a good hysteria with yelling, tears, arching and stomping his feet.

Most often, a one-year-old child throws tantrums precisely because he is not given something or, on the contrary, is forced to do something he does not want. Sometimes parents are fully aware of what actions they can take that will cause their child to throw a tantrum, but sometimes it comes as a big surprise to them. In fact, tantrums are a manifestation of the child's mood. Most children love to go outside, but the desire of parents to take their baby outside while he is watching a cartoon can, not unreasonably, be met with hysterics, so parents need to watch their one-year-old child and even at that age take into account his habits.

It is also very important to understand that a one-year-old child throws tantrums out of completely sincere urges. He does not play, does not put on performances, but simply tries to achieve what he wants in the only way known to him. The reaction of parents in this case should be equally restrained. There are several options for behavior if a child throws a tantrum, and they can be categorically divided into “right” and “wrong.”

If a one-year-old child throws tantrums, it is strictly forbidden to raise your voice at him, much less hit him. The child will still not understand anything, and the hysteria will only get worse. In addition, a shaky child’s psyche can remember this incident for a long time.

Indulging in tantrums is also bad. After all, even a one-year-old baby will very soon understand everything and make yelling, crying and stamping his feet a tool of reliable influence on his parents. And then, if today you give your child a phone, where is the guarantee that tomorrow he won’t want to play with matches?

A relatively neutral way to calm a child who is throwing a tantrum is a conversation. But the line between talking and shouting is very thin. A child who has fallen into hysterics is unlikely to adequately respond to the parents’ explanations, which in turn is not very useful for the psyche of mom and dad. Believe me, any persuasion and explanations will most likely be in vain.

Surely every parent has at least once encountered children's tantrums. They appear, it seems, for no reason and end just as suddenly, but they cause a lot of anxiety for all adults. Is it possible to prevent an emotional outburst in a child? What to do if your baby is hysterical? Adviсe child psychologist will help tired parents cope with such problems and bring harmony into family life.

Causes of hysterics in children of different ages

To learn how to cope with tantrums in children of different ages, you must first find out their reasons.

Tantrums in a 2 year old child

A two-year-old child often resorts to tantrums to get extra attention from adults. He has several effective ways: loud screams, stubbornness, rolling on the floor in places where there is an audience. Psychologists say that such behavior is natural for small child due to the imperfection of his emotional system. He still cannot express in words his indignation if his parents refuse something or forbid him to do something.

At this age, the baby is already beginning to separate himself from adults, and is also actively studying the world. However, all sorts of restrictions stand in his way, designed to ensure his safety on the street and at home.

The whims of a two-year-old child are often a reflection of their own physical condition: tiredness, hunger or lack of sleep. Perhaps the excess of new impressions has overtired the baby. To calm him down, sometimes it’s enough to just pick him up and stroke his head to distract him from the situation that caused his hysterical behavior.

Admission to preschool, the birth of a younger brother or sister in the family and the divorce of parents can also cause attacks of hysteria. In order to get rid of tension, the baby begins to knock his feet, throw toys around and scream loudly.

Another reason for “bad” behavior may be excessive strictness of parents. In this case, hysteria acts as a desire to resist this style of education and defend one’s own independence.

Tantrums in a 3-year-old child

Especially vivid hysterics, appearing seemingly out of the blue, are noticeable at three years of age. This period, which in psychology is called the three-year crisis, is expressed differently in all children, but the main symptoms are considered to be negativism, self-will and extreme stubbornness. Just yesterday, an obedient baby today does the opposite: he undresses when he is wrapped up warmer, and runs away when he is called.

Frequent tantrums at this age are explained not by a desire to anger parents, but by the usual inability to compromise and express one’s desires. Having received through whims the right thing, the child will continue to manipulate adults to achieve his own goals.

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By the age of four, hysterical attacks usually disappear on their own, since the child can already express his feelings in words.

Tantrums in a 4-5 year old child

Whims and hysterics in children over four years of age are often the result of parental educational failures. The child is allowed everything; he knows about the existence of the word “no” only by hearsay. Even if your mom doesn’t allow it, you can always turn to your dad or grandma.

Constant hysterical behavior in a 4-year-old child can be a serious warning sign that there are problems with the nervous system. If a child behaves aggressively during a hysteria, causes damage to himself and others, holds his breath or loses consciousness, or after an attack there is vomiting, lethargy or fatigue, then you should consult a neurologist.

If the baby’s health is fine, then the reasons for his whims and hysterics lie in the family and the reactions of loved ones to his behavior.

Important:

How to prevent hysterics

The best way to deal with a tantrum is to prevent it from happening. And although psychologists say that all children go through these attacks, you can try to reduce the frequency and severity of emotional outbursts.

1. Maintain a daily routine. Children early age and preschoolers feel safe when they adhere to a clearly established routine. Hunger and sleepiness are probably the most common causes of tantrums. They can be avoided by following a normal daily bedtime and eating schedule.
2. Prepare your child for change. Make sure you give him notice well in advance of major changes, such as the first day of kindergarten. By giving your baby time to adjust, you will reduce the likelihood of tantrums.
3. Be firm. If a child feels that he can influence your decisions through tantrums, he will continue to manipulate you to get his way. Make sure he knows that you make strong decisions and won't change your mind in response to bad behavior.
4. Review your inhibitions. Before refusing your child's request, ask yourself whether your ban is really necessary. Why not have your son grab a snack if dinner is late? You can avoid a tantrum by simply making him a sandwich. Don't apply rules just for the sake of rules, review the prohibitions.
5. Provide choice. From the age of two, the toddler achieves greater autonomy. Offer him a simple choice to make him feel an independent person. For example, offer your child a choice between oatmeal and cornflakes for breakfast. Just don’t ask a question like: “What would you like to eat?” You risk receiving an answer that is completely unnecessary to you. Ask: “Are you going to eat porridge or cereal?”
6. Pay more attention. For a child, even bad attention is better than no attention. Make sure you spend enough time responding to his basic needs for love and affection.

Let's see how to stop children's tantrums

If the hysteria has already begun...

If the baby is capricious, distract him, find out why he is dissatisfied, try to eliminate the cause of his dissatisfaction. However, the distraction method only works when the hysteria is just beginning. What to do if the child has already entered into an emotional rage?

1. Make it clear that screaming and yelling does not influence you, they will not help change your decision. If the hysteria is not very strong, say: “Sunny, calmly say what you need. I don’t understand you when you scream.” If the hysterical attack is already severe, then you better leave the room. Talk to your baby when he calms down.
2. Try to isolate the child at the very peak of the emotional explosion. If this happens at home, then leave him alone in the nursery, and if on the street, take him to a place where there are no other children or adults.
3. During whims, always behave the same way so that the baby can understand that his behavior is ineffective.
4. Explain how you can express your dissatisfaction in positive ways. From the age of two, teach your child to use descriptions of emotions in his speech. For example, “I'm upset,” “I'm angry,” “I'm bored.”
5. Watch your feelings. Young children are easily infected by other people's emotions. So your aggression can only make the situation worse.
6. Be patient. If tantrums have already become traditional for a child, do not expect that everything will go away immediately after the first time when you leave the room and calmly explain everything to him. It will take some time for the new model to take hold.

You shouldn’t be afraid of tantrums in children; you need to learn to respond to them correctly. If you have already tried all the tips listed in our article and are still seeing angry outbursts in your child, seek professional help.