My mom drinks, what should I do? What can a teenager do to help a drinking mother?

Most people understand that drinking mother - grief in the family, but often, not close relatives, not even the all-powerful state, are unable to really help the family and children suffering from an alcoholic mother.

Relatives have a question: What to do if your mother drinks How to protect children from suffering and mental trauma?

The mother drinks what to do - a question for a psychoanalyst

Hello! My name is Nastya. I eldest daughter in family. Now I'm married and I have my own child.

My younger brother and sister live in terrible conditions. Mom completely went crazy. Leads a chaotic lifestyle and drinks frequently. Children suffer greatly from this. They have an inadequate attitude towards absolutely everything that happens around them; it is clear that their psyche is disturbed.

Drinking mother doesn’t see the problem, doesn’t admit that she’s an alcoholic and doesn’t want to hear anything, doesn’t get in touch when we start talking to her about her problem.

She hasn’t worked for 5 years, she lives on alimony and then... she doesn’t live, but skips this money in a few days. They live with their grandmother, she completely supports them all.

The mother has already received a signal to the guardianship council to deprive her of parental rights. I could, of course, get guardianship for myself, but I don’t want to bring it to that point...she is, after all, my mother...and the children don’t need any extra psychological trauma.

I really want to help my family, but I don’t know how or how. Can you tell me something?
Thanks a lot.

What to do if your mother drinks - answer from a psychologist

Hello, Nastya!
Unfortunately, if your mother does not engage in constructive dialogue and does not want to help herself, then it is unlikely that anyone will be able to help her get rid of alcoholism. You can influence it only indirectly.

But for the children, your younger ones: brother and sister, you can provide real help by taking them under your wing.

If you have such an opportunity, then it is better to take advantage of it, because... the case is apparently moving at full speed towards deprivation of parental rights, then Orphanage or someone else's foster family- much worst option than being raised under the tutelage of an older sister.

Also, it is better for your grandmother to get out of codependent behavior in her relationship with your mother.

It is clear that you want to help your mother who is addicted to alcohol, it is quite possible that you will still be able to persuade her to help herself and turn to a psychotherapist, but now, the main thing is children - they cannot help themselves...

All the best!

psychologist-psychanalyst Oleg Vyacheslavovich Matveev

Alcohol destroys health intellectual abilities, destroys families, changes the very soul of the person who drinks. Changes become noticeable if you drink alcohol often enough, and the formed alcohol dependence leads to the fact that a person drinks every day, and without strong drinks falls into a depressive state. When a father drinks in a family, the wife becomes the main protector for the children, and she determines what to do to protect the child’s psyche from the influence of an alcoholic.

The situation becomes especially threatening when the mother herself drinks, and the children have a particularly difficult time. The child falls into difficult situation, where little depends on him. The task of children is to preserve their psyche until the moment when they enter an independent life. Alcoholics often try to create a feeling of guilt in those around them, and the main thing is to understand that no one dragged my mother into drinking, it’s just that easy solution problems.

Certain character traits or genetic predisposition can accelerate the process of alcoholism, but only the person himself can resist the temptation. A teenager, and especially a small child, can hardly find the answer to the question of what to do when in a situation in which adults give in. Only the mother herself can save herself from alcohol addiction if she finds the desire to do so.

For children, the fact that their mother drinks, and the fact that they cannot do anything to influence their loved one, the most important person, is sad, but there is nothing to do, you have to save yourself until the child becomes independent from the whims and moods of the alcoholic in the family. A teenager can be advised to develop immunity to drunkenness, to understand that alcoholic drinks and their promises of happiness are false at their very core. They destroy health, life passes by.

You can feel the tension and joy in life only with a sober mind, and alcoholism indicates that many people cannot meet strong feelings so as not to break. When this person is a mother, there is nothing to console the teenager, because there is no definite answer on what to do to correct the intolerable situation, how to live with the feeling of painful loneliness. We can only advise you to hold out until maturity, and remember that life can be happy even if childhood is marred by parental drunkenness.

Small children

If a mother drinks every day, young children become especially vulnerable. They directly show their emotions, cry when they see that their mother is behaving somehow differently, because they are afraid for her. Becoming a toy in the alcoholic’s inconsistent and unjustified mood swings, the mother either slaps the head, then exchanges anger for hugs and violent repentance, the child does not know what to do and how to react to the inappropriate behavior of an adult who determines everything in his life. The child asks his mother not to drink and becomes depressed.

Closer to school age the child withdraws and gets used to it, unable to change the situation for the better. IN in this case help can come either from grandparents or from the state. And the question is no longer about doing something to rid the mother of alcohol addiction, but about protecting the child.

It's a different matter with teenagers. There is a high probability that children aged 10 to 17 years old will take an asocial path. Blaming their parents for all their misfortunes, they distance themselves from alcoholics and try to establish themselves in the street company. But a person’s life is not planned according to a script, and it may well happen that a son or daughter wants to help their mother quit a bad habit. And again, with all the urgency, the question arises for them, what to do if mom drinks every day.

Actions available to a teenager

Understanding the problem of alcoholism and the fact that addiction can be resisted if you know what to do, accessible to an older child, and children in a family of alcoholics grow up early. They not only understand, but are also able to understand the perverted logic of a person driven by alcohol. And this is important in this situation.

Alcoholics, as a rule, skillfully manipulate others, causing feelings of guilt. When a mother drinks every day, then, deprived of her daily dose of alcohol, she goes into withdrawal syndrome and asks her daughter or son to give her a drink. Since it is clear that the alcoholic is not feeling well, she says that she will die if she is not brought a drink, and the responsibility will lie with the child. There may be insults or even curses. The child must understand that he should not react to his mother in this state. It is necessary to completely ignore promises that this is the last time, remembering how many times this has been repeated.

Mom needs to help, but not fall into codependency. When your first attempts to fight fail, you can’t blame yourself for it and put your life on saving someone else, even if it’s your own loved one. It is worth clearly understanding that a person is responsible for his own destiny, and those around him can only help when there is a desire to quit drinking. It is also necessary to avoid feelings of resentment and shame for your mother. These feelings are justified, but when experiencing them, it is difficult to do anything to change the situation in better side. A teenager takes care of his mother when he is left alone with her. If there are other relatives in the house, it is worth entrusting this responsibility to them.

Hangover

Rules of conduct towards a mother during a hangover:

• A person after drinking experiences severe dryness, since the body is dehydrated and in this state it is necessary to give the sufferer water, herbal teas and juices.
• A shower or bath can relieve the condition. When there are health problems, then room temperature. The procedure should take at least half an hour.
• You can give activated carbon in tablets in the proportion of 1 tablet per 10 kg of weight.
• It is necessary to eat if the sight of food does not make you want to turn inside out. Salads, vegetable soup or borscht are suitable.
• Then you need to ensure peace, the person needs to sleep.

It is important to remember that you cannot have a serious conversation with your mother while intoxicated or hungover. No matter how justified the reproaches and accusations are, there is no need to appeal to feelings of guilt and conscience. The alcoholic evaluates himself inadequately and perceives such fame as an attack, begins to defend himself, and the situation escalates. Also, asking people not to drink anymore or promising to quit alcohol will lead nowhere.

When a person drinks every day, the correct withdrawal from the binge will contribute to a state of sobriety, then it will be possible to have a heart-to-heart talk and explain how bad it is for the child that the mother drinks, how she is harming her health.

In a state of hangover, you should not give the patient alcohol or any medications, but it would be useful to give him vitamin C to drink. And if it gets really bad, then you should call ambulance. The anxiety may be in vain, but you should be on the safe side, as it is difficult for a teenager to assess the condition on their own.

Find the right moment to talk

Make attempts to influence drinking mother in a word, it is possible in the case when it comes right moment. It’s hard to say when it will happen, but it’s easier to determine when it shouldn’t be done. But when the moment is chosen, it is necessary to understand that the mother should feel love and care for her life, and not pity or anger. You need to let the person talk, even when she unfairly blames other people or difficult circumstances for her addiction. Analysis of the situation can be postponed until later.

We need to reach the consciousness and convince the mother to get treatment for alcoholism. She will be able to realize responsibility for her behavior while intoxicated under the influence of the methods of a narcologist or psychotherapist. The task of the son or daughter, if they live alone with their mother, is to explain that past circumstances should be left behind, and they should not be disturbed by memories. What is important is what is happening at the moment between her and the child. And either she will turn to doctors for help, or she will die.

When consent is received, then you need to strike while the iron is hot, and immediately, on the same day, make an appointment with a narcologist, and not leave the matter for tomorrow. Pack your bag and go straight to the hospital. A child should do something with an alcoholic only if there is no one else to help, and the teenager lives with his mother, who for some reason has not been deprived of her maternal rights. If you have interested relatives or friends, you should not hide, but rather ask them for advice and entrust them with responsibility for the alcoholic.

When someone in the family drinks, it is a great grief and tragedy for all other members of the household. A drinking owner becomes a burden, unable to be responsible for the well-being of himself and his family. An alcohol-dependent son or daughter makes parents suffer because they do not understand how to make their child’s life easier. But the most dangerous thing is when a woman starts drinking.

An alcohol-dependent mother not only destroys her body, she destroys the childhood of her own children, bringing them childish suffering and painful depression. An alcoholic woman can pose a direct threat to the health and life of a small creature, forcing the child to grow up ahead of time. Experienced psychologists will help answer the question: “what to do if your mother drinks and how to cope with such a situation.”

What does a mother's frivolity lead to?

Alcohol addiction in itself becomes a huge problem for a person, not to mention his family members. But no one suffers more from a drinking mother than a child.. After all, this is the one dear person a priori must take care and protect from the hardships of life, but not cause pain and suffering by constantly drinking.

To become alcohol dependent, a woman only needs 2-3 months of regular alcohol consumption. According to statistics, in our country alone the number of women who drink regularly varies within 27%.

Psychologists assure that such a misfortune as mother’s drunkenness goes with the baby constantly, not letting him go even during adult life, negatively affecting the formation of character and awareness of oneself as an individual. Consequences female alcoholism They destroy absolutely every area of ​​a child’s life.

Physical aspect

If a woman abused alcohol during the entire period of pregnancy, this has an extremely negative impact on her health. little man. What could this mean?

1. Weakened immunity.
2. Tendency to frequent illnesses.
3. Deviations in mental and physical development.

Social life

This is a huge complex, which is based on the ability of a small person to integrate into society. For a child who constantly sees a drunken mother in front of him, problems in this area may be as follows:

1. Antisocial behavior.
2. Inability to maintain relationships.
3. Development of various addictions.

Children of drinkers often take the path of alcoholism themselves.. This is especially true for girls who strive to imitate their mother in everything. Are being created drinking families, where children also suffer and everything turns into a vicious circle.

Psychological side

A very large vital area, which includes the ability to communicate, a healthy central nervous system and brain activity (attention, intelligence, memory). This also includes the motivational-volitional sphere, which helps a person find his place in life. In a child with a drunken mother, all these criteria do not correspond to the child’s age and are significantly behind the norms. This happens due to the lack of attention on the part of the drinking parent and the lack of her care and education.

According to psychologists, children of alcoholic mothers spend their childhood under a feeling of guilt. Kids are convinced that since mom drinks, it means he (the child) has done something terrible and is behaving incorrectly. This feeling accompanies a person for the rest of his life and can transform into aggression towards other people.

Often, children who mature early ask the most difficult question: “what should I do if my mother drinks every day, how can I help her?” A little person cannot change a sad situation, but as a teenager, you can try to somehow help your drinking mother. The psychologist's advice in this case directly depends on the age of the child who has had to face trouble.

What can a baby do

Young children are the most vulnerable, they are the most emotionally unprotected. And they react completely differently than teenagers. They express their indignation and fear by crying, calling on their loved ones to somehow change the terrible situation. In case of drinking mother their tears are associated with a lack of understanding of the strange behavior of the closest and dearest person.

The baby is greatly frightened by the inadequacy of the drunkard, her sudden changes in behavior and mood, which cause panic in the little person. Fear is also added by the aggression that a drinking mother shows towards her child, being angry with him for his tears and screams. In alcoholics, anger can suddenly be replaced by a surge of tenderness and vice versa.

The baby simply does not understand how he should behave; his psyche does not have time to adapt to his constantly changing mother. This makes the fear even worse. And by the age of 5-7, the baby gets used to such a life and withdraws, alienating himself from his always drunk mother. Being small, a child is unlikely to be able to provide any help to a drinking woman. In this case, he needs help directly, small child. And only adults or government agencies can deal with drinking bouts.

How to be a teenager

At this age, children quickly move away from their alcohol-dependent mother. And therein lies the danger - a young person, for whom maternal care and attention is vital during this period, without receiving it, takes the wrong path, not thinking about his parents. But often a different situation arises. When a child, who has matured early due to circumstances, begins to make every effort to pull his mother out of the drunken whirlpool. How can he help?

At this age, a young person is already capable of mastering information related to alcohol addiction. When explaining how to cure a mother from alcoholism, a teenager should know the logic of such a person’s thinking. The entire huge layer of information can be reduced to an explanation of two important terms.

Manipulation

Alcohol addicts are skilled manipulators. And their skill in this regard extends, first of all, to children. Alcoholics always try to make others feel guilty. For example, when an alcoholic mother suffers from a hangover, she will try with all her might to find something to drink. If the teenager does not give her the next dose, he will face various accusations and scandals.

Various threats, insults and even curses can often be heard. A young person should realize that these are only means of manipulation and should never react to them. The most competent tactic is:

• not to believe the vows that this is “the last time”;
• completely ignoring the attacks of a drunken mother;
• tell her straight out that there is no drink and she won't get it.

Codependency

In addiction medicine and psychology there is such a definition as “codependency”. This condition is based on the development of alcoholism in other family members where the alcoholic lives.

At first, codependents try with all their might and means to fight a drinking relative and imperceptibly themselves get drawn into this activity, becoming alcoholics.

This happens because of the constant feeling of guilt for a loved one’s alcohol addiction and the inability to help him cope with the problem. Or in the reluctance to see another binge. Therefore, you need to know how to behave competently with an alcoholic mother. You can't blame yourself for her drinking. Know and always remember that only the individual himself is responsible for his own actions and lifestyle.

To summarize, we can say that the initial stage that a young person has to master lies in helping himself. It is based on psychological preparation for the complex and difficult struggle for the mother’s sobriety.

What to do

These recommendations are acceptable when a teenager is left alone with a drunken parent. If there are other adults present at home, responsibility should already fall on their consciousness. What can the child do himself? Here are just a few rules to follow:

1. Let her drink a lot. The best drinks will be min. water (still), herbal teas/decoctions, infusions, fruit drinks, homemade compotes, juices.
2. Help the mother take a shower or bath (at least 20-25 minutes).
3. After a shower/bath, a drunk person usually feels better. Then she should take activated carbon in the amount of 1 tablet for every 10 kg of body weight.
4. Then it’s better to feed mom. Give her vegetable lean soup, a light salad. It often happens that addicts refuse to eat. You should be convinced to swallow at least a spoon - the body, weakened and exhausted by alcohol, needs nutrition.
5. Well, then you should put her to bed, ensuring peace. It will be great if the mother manages to fall asleep.

You should also know what absolutely should not be done when an alcoholic mother is in a state of hangover syndrome. These are the following points:

1. No matter how unpleasant it is to see a drunk mother, her insults, scandals, negative attitude, she cannot be reproached or blamed. Especially during a hangover. Such a reaction will only make the situation worse.
2. You should not ask the drinker to promise to stop drinking. Alcoholism is a serious addiction that must be treated for a long time. When an addict feels bad, he will agree to any requests, but will not fulfill them and may subsequently become aggressive.
3. You can’t trust your mother about her promises to stop drinking when she gets drunk (another dose of alcohol). This is manipulation, and the promise will remain only in words and will be immediately forgotten.
4. Remember that any physical activity or heavy housework while hungover is highly discouraged.
5. You should not give her any medications. Only a doctor can prescribe medications. The only thing you can do is take an effervescent vitamin C tablet. It should be dissolved in water and taken.

No matter what condition a drunk mother is in, she should call a medical team. Of course, if the teenager is alone with her. The body, weakened by alcohol, can fail at any time, so it’s better to be safe. Doctors will help the mother calm down and give her the appropriate medicine..

How to persuade your mother to undergo treatment

Alcoholism can be cured, but for the success of such an event, one condition is important - it is necessary that the drinker admits that he has a problem and agrees to therapy. To do this, you need to talk to your drinking mother. Of course, choosing the right time.

When not to start a conversation:

• the person shows aggression or is in an inadequate state;
• poor physical health (loss of consciousness, hallucinations, vomiting), in this case you should immediately call a medical team.

Good times to talk:

• a person feels guilty for his actions and is in remorse;
• the state of health is not dangerous (the degree of mild hangover, when there is only a slight tremor, nausea, weakness, migraines, chills);
• after a severe attack of alcoholic psychosis, which occurred against the background of hallucinations, loss of consciousness, and a heart attack), when all negative manifestations have been removed by doctors, the person becomes extremely frightened and realizes that there is no way forward.

When the most convenient time for a heart-to-heart conversation has been determined, you need to know how to competently structure the conversation. In this case, the psychologist has a number of recommendations. They are as follows:

• You can’t blame your mom for drunkenness;
• be able to listen, you should let the mother speak out;
• explain that she has only two options: treatment or death;
• you cannot feel sorry for her, you can only show sympathy and care, but not pity;
• do not argue, even if she begins to blame anyone for her problem, but not herself;
• to try with all our might to direct her thoughts to what will happen, it is necessary for her to understand that the child is not concerned about her past, but future life, prosperous and healthy.

And as soon as consent for treatment for alcohol addiction is received, immediately get ready and go to the nearest drug dispensary. You cannot put it off; you must show persistence and responsibility. But it should be noted that all these recommendations are appropriate if the teenager lives only with a drinking mother, and there are no other adults in his life. Otherwise, another family member – an adult and more conscientious person – must take full responsibility.

How can a child independently help a drinking mother?

Children living in constant stress are fearful and emotional. They get tired quickly and are often depressed. It is difficult for them to build relationships with classmates, to realize their needs and interests, because when the mother drinks, they have to fulfill their responsibilities and the responsibilities of an adult.

The impact of maternal drinking on children

A woman who constantly drinks alcoholic beverages harms even her unborn baby. Alcohol breakdown products negatively affect the physical aspect of fetal development. They cause spasms of the blood vessels of the placenta and umbilical cord, which leads to disruption of the blood supply to the placenta and hypoxia. Lack of oxygen can cause babies to be born with problems:

• decreased muscle tone;
• hypoplasia;
• umbilical hernia;
• heart and aortic defects;
• cleft palate;
• joint dysplasia.

Some developmental pathologies internal organs are diagnosed after a while. But mother’s alcoholism affects not only the physical health and immunity of the baby. The atmosphere in the family matters in the formation of personality.

When a mother drinks, she does not pay attention to the children and does not monitor their nutrition. People suffering from alcoholism often have unsanitary conditions in their homes. For these reasons, children feel shame because their mother drinks.

The indifference of a drunkard mother and father, scandals and conflicts, domestic violence - the described situation affects the psychological side of children's development. They don’t understand how to behave so as not to anger their mother. This condition causes disorientation, which increases the risk of psychological trauma.

It is even more difficult for children in families where there is codependency (when the life of the household revolves around one person - an alcoholic). Social life This situation is due to the fact that no one wants to take the problem outside the home. Everyone is trying to hide the fact that mom drinks. It’s difficult for children in this situation. Because of codependency, schoolchildren have to go through emotional stress every day in order to hide family problems

to appear “like everyone else.”

Methods for children and adolescents

Preschoolers, elementary school students, and teenagers are not able to cope with their mother’s illness without outside help. A woman must personally make the decision to stop drinking. Daily conversations about the dangers of alcohol will only anger a person who constantly drinks. But the mother can be helped to alleviate her condition after a long binge. Alcohol disrupts the functioning of all organs, removes a lot of fluid from the body, useful substances

1. . To improve your mother’s well-being, you need to take the following actions:
2. Provide plenty of fluids. Prepare water and brew strong tea.
3. Remove toxins. To do this, you should give Activated carbon (costs from 8 rubles) at the rate of 1 tablet per 10 kg of weight.
4. Ask mom to take a shower.
5. Feed her broth.

The child can complete these steps independently. But he is not obliged to do this. Even older children are not responsible for the behavior and health status of their parents.

To prevent your mother from drinking, you can turn to relatives (older brothers and sisters, father, grandmother, grandfather) for help. If this is not possible, you need to tell the teacher that your mother drinks, to the class teacher or the director. If you are unable to contact the school, you can report your parents’ alcohol addiction to law enforcement agencies or call the helpline.

Psychological manipulation

Children can try to have a heart-to-heart talk with their mother, listen to her and convince her to undergo treatment. To solve this problem, teenagers need to change their attitude towards their mother, behavior tactics and choose the right moment to start a conversation.

Intimate talk

You should not start a conversation with your mother when she is drinking. All methods of manipulation should be used only if the woman is not under the influence of alcohol.

The concept of “a universal rule that helps a person stop drinking after one conversation” does not exist. But there are recommendations from psychologists who allow us to understand the causes of the disease and obtain consent for treatment so that the mother does not drink anymore.

How to have a conversation

When the right moment is chosen, you can try to have a heart-to-heart talk with your mother. You can't start a conversation with accusations. It is better to let the woman speak out and explain what is happening to her. During a conversation, psychologists recommend using psychological techniques:

1. Speak in a calm tone.
2. Don't interrupt.
3. Show understanding, not pity.
4. Listen attentively.
5. Don't remember past grievances.
6. Do not respond to promises to start treatment tomorrow or immediately after drinking a bottle.

If the mother does not realize how bad her life is, she should explain and show what the drinking has led to. Talk about what awaits her in the future: death from alcoholism or treatment. During the conversation, emphasize that her life depends only on her decision.

Methods for adult children

When a daughter or son grows up, the situation rarely changes. Mom continues to drink, complicating the lives of her now adult children. Some turn away from drinking parents, others try to help.

Free treatment is offered by social centers and drug treatment clinics. The only negative is mandatory registration. In this case, treatment is possible only after obtaining the voluntary consent of the patient. Relatives of the patient can send an alcoholic to compulsory therapy in exceptional cases:

• the person poses a threat to others;
• the patient committed murder;
• the patient attempted suicide.

IN medical institution an alcoholic will receive not only psychological assistance. The following procedures will be carried out under the supervision of specialists:

1. Detoxification.
2. Relieving withdrawal symptoms.
3. Anti-alcohol therapy.

Sessions of hypnotic and psychological influence and other coding methods are possible for a fee. The patient will not be registered.

Consultation with a psychologist, narcologist and other specialists can be obtained by telephone or via the Internet for free. They will listen, provide legal assistance and suggest which method of treatment will be more effective in the current situation.

What to do if mom drinks

A family in which there is a person with an alcohol addiction has a very difficult time - physically, socially, emotionally and mentally. Drinking man ceases to be a “breadwinner”, becomes unable to bear responsibility for himself and his family. A drinking child, among other things, can make his parents suffer helplessly, not knowing how and how to help the little one. But the worst thing is when there is a drinking mother in the family - it not only causes anxiety, worries and problems of various kinds. A woman with a harmful addiction to alcohol becomes a threat to the health and even the life of her child. A child who often has to make an adult decision at a young age: what to do if your mother starts drinking.

Harm expected and already caused

If a mother drinks, her child suffers in any case, even if she does not cause him physical harm. The most vulnerable in this regard are young children, who often do not understand what is happening to their mother, why she smells bad, and kisses and hugs are replaced by screaming and spanking. Every day kids watch the degradation of the closest and most beloved person, the one who should be an example and protection for them. Naturally, this cannot but affect their psyche.

However, unborn children are even more vulnerable to the problems of a drinking mother. A woman who drank alcoholic beverages during pregnancy can give birth to a baby with a weakened immune system suffering from:

• congenital physical pathologies;
• exposure to various diseases;
• mental disorders;
• developmental deviations.

Before even being born, little man already suffers from the fact that my mother drinks. This is how a ruined childhood, and perhaps a whole life, begins.
Obviously, young children cannot make any effort to get their mother to stop drinking. But the kids gradually grow up and become teenagers, who, due to their immaturity, are still unable to do anything to really help their mother, but can already have some influence on her. What can be expected from teenagers correct behavior in dealing with an alcoholic, so it falls on their shoulders to take care of the parent in a state of hangover and make the first attempts to persuade her to stop drinking and begin treatment.

Forced to grow up early

Children in the family of an alcoholic grow up quickly - from the age of 10-11 they begin to learn the simple science of not provoking a drunken mother into aggression, so as not to fall under the hot hand, and also how to help her if necessary. It is important for such children to learn the two most important rules:

• do not give in to requests to bring a drink;
• don't take full responsibility.

Vulnerable from an emotional point of view, children from a family where the mother drinks every day often become hostage to the manipulative art of the drunkard. An alcoholic mother easily manages to instill in them a feeling of guilt for her condition, frighten them with her own death if she does not receive alcohol to “continue the banquet,” and accuse them of insensitivity. It is extremely important that children do not succumb to this blackmail, since each new drink makes the existing problem even more serious.

As for responsibility, every child considers it natural to take care of his mother, wants to do everything so that she feels better and at least temporarily becomes normal. Day after day, a son or daughter may try to help his mother, but the result most often becomes codependency - a way of life in which there is no time or desire for anything else. Such comfortable conditions a woman will never be able or want to force herself to stop drinking.

How can you really help?

Although teenagers are quite capable of taking full responsibility for their drinking mother (and often they have to do so), real help from them can only lie in easing the hangover for the drunkard and themselves. Here are some simple recommendations:

• as a result of alcohol abuse, the body loses water in large quantities, which needs to be replenished, so you need to give an alcoholic in a hangover a lot to drink (water, berry or fruit juices, herbal teas, cucumber or cabbage brine);
• in order to restore health as quickly as possible after a binge, it is worth sending the drinking mother into a shower or bath for at least half an hour (a contrast shower is desirable - several changes of cold and hot water);
• to remove alcohol breakdown products from a hangover body, you can give the drunkard to drink activated charcoal (1 tablet for every 10 kg of weight);
• It is imperative that the alcoholic mother not only drink heavily, but also eat well, preferably fatty foods;
• In order to finally get the mother out of her drinking bout, she needs to be provided with peace for long, sound sleep.

But this is not necessary

For a child whose mother drinks, it is important to know not only what needs to be done to support her, but also what is not recommended to do in order to avoid problems.

1. You should not start a conversation with a mother who is intoxicated or has a severe hangover about how she needs to stop drinking. Every child wants their mother to return to normal life, but alcoholics under the influence of alcohol are deaf to requests, exhortations, persuasion and pressure for pity. And demands that she not drink, and attempts to force her to promise this, will force the woman to become completely aggressive.
2. Even if an alcoholic mother made a promise to change her lifestyle, you should not believe it. A drunkard who wants to drink will promise anything to get the next dose, but the very next day she will do the same thing as always. Therefore, under no circumstances should you give your mother alcohol to “get drunk” - this is a vicious circle from which there is no way out.
3. Alcoholics coming out of a state of abstinence must be distracted from the thought of alcohol, but this should not be physical activity, since the body, weakened by libations, can suddenly fail. In addition, it is dangerous both for the drinking woman and for her child.

The main advice for children of alcoholics who are unable to stop drinking is to be patient. A mother who is addicted to alcohol causes emotional and physical harm, but we must remember that she is sick and needs help. You shouldn’t get angry or offended, you shouldn’t lose yourself in problems, meekly accepting the state of things. If a child is not confident that he can cope with a drunken mother on his own, it is better to call relatives for help, and in case of a severe hangover, call a doctor.

Adult help

Adult children who have both emotional stability and the social ability to force an alcoholic to stop drinking can provide maximum assistance to their drinking mothers. If grown-up sons and daughters live separately, they are able to distance themselves from the grievances accumulated in childhood and disappointment in their mother, supporting her on a different, adult level. At the same time, they should not forget about the simplest manifestations of care, including help with a hangover.

The most important thing an adult child can do for his drinking mother is to persuade her to change her lifestyle and begin treatment for alcohol addiction. This must be done carefully and patiently, every day, if the mother is in a more or less sane state, talking to her, but at the same time quite firmly. Important:

• provide reasonable arguments supporting the merits of a sober lifestyle;
• not to be categorical and emotional, maintaining emotional balance;
• restrain yourself without breaking into shouting, rudeness, accusations and swearing;
• do not give in to pity for the alcoholic, do not coo with her and do not believe her promises to stop drinking;
• Do not take the drunkard’s complaints personally - such people almost always blame their loved ones for their illness.

If the mother agrees with the children’s arguments, half the job is done - all that remains is to take her to specialists in a drug treatment clinic or clinic, and after treatment, check whether a breakdown follows. It’s another matter if a drinking woman does not heed her convictions and does not plan to quit drinking. In this case, you have to either give up and leave her with her own problems, or resort to a common trick - adding and sprinkling special ingredients into food and drink. medications. Such drugs form an aversion to alcoholic beverages and eliminate cravings for alcohol.

Only teenagers or adult children can provide real help to an alcoholic mother. However, their efforts in best case scenario may be aimed at easing her fight against a hangover, removing all alcoholic beverages from the house and endless persuasion to pull herself together and begin to be treated. This does not always work and with varying degrees of effectiveness, which is why children of alcoholics develop an ambiguous idea of ​​drunkenness. It is probably for this reason that all such children, with a very small percentage of exceptions, either adhere to a teetotal lifestyle for the rest of their lives, or follow in the footsteps of their drinking mothers. A woman can fully recover from alcoholism only when she wants it herself.

It is impossible to cure alcoholism.

• Have you tried many methods, but nothing helps?
• Another coding turned out to be ineffective?
• Is alcoholism destroying your family?

I will never forget this feeling when you walk home from school, with a backpack at the ready, in a great mood, three “A’s” in your diary, and anxiety in your soul. Because you don't know if she's drunk or not. If not, you're happy, yours Child's world shimmers with colors, everything will be fine. If the mother is drunk, there is no life. You just sit and cry, and there is no one to console you - she is drunk. Why she"? Because alcohol turns her into a terrible creature - no, this is not my beloved mother, you think, and burst into tears.

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Recently, psychologists are increasingly using the term “adult children of alcoholic parents.” Research shows that children raised in dysfunctional families(families of alcoholics, drug addicts, psychopaths), have a number of similar traits and experience difficulties in adult life. There is even a mutual aid community in Minsk for men and women who grew up in dysfunctional families. Meetings are anonymous and free.

Every day is like a lottery

I remember in detail a picture from childhood: here I go home and try to recognize the condition of my mother by small details.

Everything is tidied up, there is food on the stove - most likely she is sober, but it is better not to get your hopes up so quickly. Because anything could happen - she could get drunk when she had already finished her work...

I call: “Mom!” Already by the first word, by the first sound, I will determine whether she is sober or not. I always see even milligrams of what she drank, even if she insists that she didn’t drink.

Doesn't respond? I run to the bedroom. If she sleeps facing the wall, it means she's drunk. This is true. Just in case, I’ll wake you up and check... Indistinct muttering...

I went on a drinking binge, I won’t be back soon

Now our family faces several weeks of terrible drinking when our mother is away. She drinks, sleeps, tries to cook something and brushes off the children as best she can - we are disturbing her.

She behaves disgustingly - there is dirt everywhere. I remember how she gets up in the middle of the night and urinates on the floor, apparently imagining that it is a toilet.

I remember arguing with my father, an alcoholic like her. Sometimes it came to a fight.

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For some reason, I did not perceive my father’s alcoholism as acutely as my mother’s binges. I always defended my mother to the last, stood between them and my father, for which I sometimes “received” myself. No, I couldn’t allow my father to do something terrible to my mother, even if she was as drunk and disgusting as she is now.

Everything was repeating itself in a circle

Then, as according to the script, the “binge” stopped. The mother was “moving away” - crawling around the house, suffering from a hellish headache. She asked us to help. Pressed for pity. I was sick of disgust towards my own mother.

And then the happiest time began. When my mother came out of her drinking bout, she experienced a huge sense of guilt. She begged for forgiveness, promised that this would never happen again, and demonstrated her love as best she could.

She took care of us, caressed us, talked a lot nice words until alcoholism took over again. Everything was repeated in a circle.

It's embarrassing, scary, embarrassing

What does a child experience when his mother drinks? Now it’s hard for me to formulate this.

Maybe, shame. I was always very ashamed of my mother.

Despair. I didn't know if it would ever end or not. With each new binge, there was no faith in a better future.

Offense. I didn’t understand why I was doing this? How can my birth mother trade her child for alcohol? Later I found out: you don’t choose your parents, I had to accept it.

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I always tried to prove that I was worthy of love more than alcohol. I tried to be the best - I brought certificates and medals that no one needed.

The children have grown up. My mother stopped drinking. The father died.

We rarely touch on the topic of her alcoholism, although we have discussed it out loud several times, like adults.

The reasons turned out to be banal: the children were small, the husband did not help, she started drinking out of boredom. Then - from the great responsibility for the family, in which the father-breadwinner brings in almost no money. And then the reasons are no longer needed, alcoholism sucks in and turns even the most loving and good mother into a selfish drinking woman.

Children from families of alcoholics - what are they like?

It’s easier for me to understand all this now than when I was a child. But is it easy to forgive? Is it easy to forgive your parents for a childhood that you wouldn’t wish on your worst enemy?

All my childhood experiences are still with me, in the form of characteristics of a child from a dysfunctional family. I still seek approval from everyone, anyone except myself, I am dependent on other people’s opinions, I am terrified of being abandoned. I lack self-confidence and self-esteem.

I know that alcoholism is a family disease, so I try to protect myself from alcohol as much as possible. After all, today I am a mother myself, and the worst thing for me is to repeat the mistake of my parents and steal their precious childhood from their children.

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14 signs that unite adult children from alcoholic families:

1. We closed ourselves off and became afraid of people and authority figures.
2. We have become approval seekers while losing the ability to be ourselves.
3. We are frightened by angry people and any critical remarks addressed to us.
4. We either became alcoholics, married an alcoholic, or both, or found another addictive personality, such as a workaholic, to satisfy our painful need for abandonment.
5. We live life from a position of victimhood and this weakness draws us into our love affairs and friendships.
6. We have an overly developed sense of responsibility; it is easier for us to take care of others than of ourselves; this allows us not to notice our own shortcomings, etc.
7. We feel guilty when we defend ourselves rather than give in to others.
8. We have become addicted to emotional stimulation.
9. We confuse love with pity and tend to “love” people whom we can “pity” and “save.”
10. We have buried feelings from our traumatic childhoods and have lost the ability to feel or express feelings because it hurts too much (denial).
11. We judge ourselves harshly; we do not have a developed sense of self-worth.
12. We are dependent individuals - we are terrified of being abandoned and do everything to maintain relationships, just not to experience the painful feeling of abandonment that we inherited from living with unhealthy people who have never been emotionally with us.
13. Alcoholism is a family disease; we became co-alcoholics and accepted all the signs of this disease, even if we did not drink alcohol.
14. Co-alcoholics react to the actions of others rather than actively act themselves.

Female alcoholism is serious illness , requiring qualified, and most importantly timely treatment. Due to physiological characteristics body of women, ethyl alcohol, contained in all alcoholic beverages without exception, has a faster effect on the female body. This is due to the fact that the weaker sex has less fluid in the body than men, which means that the concentration of ethanol in the blood will be higher. Besides women hide their addiction , which makes it difficult to identify the problem in a timely manner.

By drinking every day, a woman destroys not only her body, but also the lives of people close to her. If a husband can understand and try to help his other half, then in a situation with children, it is the kids who need help. If a mother drinks beer or wine every day, she gradually becomes addicted and over time stops fulfilling her role as a mother . Alcoholism causes not only disturbances in the functioning of internal organs, but also psychological, as well as problems:

• Increased irritability ;
• Aggression to loved ones, including children;
• Lost contact with real life;
• Termination social lifestyle ;
• Loss work;
• Children can be removed from the family and deprived of a drinking mother parental rights upon application from relatives or neighbors.

At the same time, female alcohol addiction, not paying attention to the prevailing opinion, can be cured. To do this, you will need to be patient and carry out complex therapy.

By the way! Our website contains tips that will help you overcome cravings for alcohol at home. You can familiarize yourself with it in the appropriate section.

You should not delay treatment, because the sooner you start the course, the more likely getting rid of the problem forever.

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Pregnancy and alcohol Some girls and women are interested in Is it possible to drink alcohol while pregnant? and nursing mother. Despite the fact that negative action strong drinks are actively discussed on various television programs, covered in magazines and online publications, some representatives of the fairer sex continue to drink alcohol during pregnancy and during breastfeeding transmitted through the bloodstream to the fetus , causing serious disruptions in its development:

• Destroys cells the developing brain, liver, heart and other vital organs;
• Increases the likelihood mental disorders in future;
• Causes developmental disorders physical and psychological .

As a result, even before birth the child is doomed to life with serious pathologies . Even if the baby is born completely healthy, his psyche will be subjected to stress and stress every day from his alcoholic mother, which can lead to childhood alcoholism, mental problems, and suicidal tendencies in the child.

Saving children from a drinking mother

Not every child can ask for help and say, “Help, my mom started drinking a lot every day!". For children, mother is the dearest and most beloved person in the world, regardless of her behavior and actions. He will always expect affection, protection and love from her, but when women abuse alcohol, they neglect their responsibilities and stop caring for their children . Sometimes even harm to their health is physical and more often psychological.

Addiction calculator

M F

Your addiction

Dependency type:

There is no danger to the body, the habit of drinking is typical for many people, but in the specified quantities and with the specified parameters of the patient, it does not cause any harm to the body. Many people relieve stress with alcohol on holidays and after work, but are not addicted to it.

The patient sees alcohol as a way out of difficult situations and resorts to high-grade drinks more and more often. This stage is dangerous because in any difficult situation in life, this stage can smoothly transition to the next one, which is much more dangerous to health.

At this stage, an addicted person can no longer do without alcohol, but is firmly convinced that he is capable of quitting at any time, but not today. Already here complications with the liver and other difficulties with organs and well-being may begin.

Special treatment and a short course of rehabilitation, plus the support of relatives, can bring you out of this stage. This stage can provoke very serious problems with the liver and other organs, which will lead to illness for the rest of life.

This stage is not hopeless, but it requires an extremely serious approach to treatment and a long period of rehabilitation, with regular medical procedures, many medications and, often, expensive treatment.

Treatment period for addiction:

Do you want to speed up your treatment?

A woman degraded from alcohol does not realize that she is doing wrong. In this case, adults can come to the aid of children. The opinion of lawyers is that guardianship authorities will help you pick up a minor child with a mother who drinks heavily and does not work. It is to them that relatives, neighbors and even the children themselves should turn if their parents have alcoholism in the family. This does not mean that the child will be taken away from the parent immediately and forever. The process of deprivation of parental custody includes a probationary period during which minor children are placed for temporary state provision to a specialized institution. At the same time, the mother must stop drinking, find a job and improve living conditions for the children if they are violated. But even despite these rules, separating children from their mother can cause them psychological trauma, so you should not lead to such a situation, but carry out self-treatment .

Attention! Treatment at home can be effective. Read reviews of common drugs for alcohol addiction in the section " Medicines" on our website.

The main condition for achieving the expected result is the woman’s desire to overcome her problem with alcohol. IN otherwise You will need to contact specialists.

If in younger age the child is not entirely aware of the existence of the problem and the way to solve it, then teenage children can already have some influence on the behavior of a loved one and understand what to do and how to live if the mother has been drinking for a month or more.

Unfortunately, the teenager is not able to make mom stop drinking , but it can help her cope with an unhealthy state, such as during a hangover. For this the child will need act as a nanny for your parent:

• Due to consumption large quantity alcohol, the body experiences dehydration and needs drinking plenty of fluids. A teenager can offer his hungover mother sweet tea, fruit juice, mineral water, juice, herbal tea. These drinks will help alleviate the condition and speed up the body's recovery processes;
• Offer to accept cold and hot shower, which will disperse the blood and accelerate its renewal, followed by the removal of toxins from the body;
• Give her Activated carbon , at the rate of 1 tablet per 10 kg of weight. It will remove alcohol breakdown products and alleviate the condition;
• Rich breakfast with fatty foods will help the stomach restore its function. This could be fried eggs, chicken broth, or another dish prepared by the child;
• Complete rest and a good night's sleep will help you get out of your drunken state.

Unfortunately, such advice and recommendations will not help rid the mother of addiction, but if the child makes every effort and brings her out of alcohol intoxication, he can sober up at the moment have a conversation with her , telling how hard it is for him when a woman drinks.

If children are faced with the problem of alcoholism in the family, they rarely wonder why the mother constantly drinks wine and beer . This process is taken for granted, especially if the mother developed addiction before the baby was born or from an early age. Children simply do not know that they can live differently and, by intuition, they know how to behave with it.

If a child encounters addiction at an older age of 10-12 years, he may become confused and don't understand how to behave with a once loving, caring mother. Sticking to the following recommendations, the child will be able to avoid conflict and establish relationships with her, and then help get rid of the problem, even indirectly:

• During intoxication or a hangover, you should not have sex with your mother serious conversations about her problem , make claims or express grievances, this can provoke the parent to aggression and inappropriate behavior towards the child.
• Promises should not be trusted dependent mother. Even if she says that she will stop drinking on her own and the child should not turn to family for help, she is unlikely to adhere to of this word. Most often, such women continue to drink alcohol, but do it secretly, trying not to be seen by their children while intoxicated.
• If a woman really wants to stop drinking, she should not be allowed. Excessive activity can negatively affect her health, which can lead to a breakdown.

No matter how it sounds, a child who is faced with the problem of alcoholism in his mother must make every effort to efforts to return to normal condition. Under normal circumstances, these concerns should fall on adults, but there are situations when children have nowhere to look for help. In this case, adults close to the family, caring neighbors and government agencies can come to the rescue.