Health 09/27/2015

Dear readers, today on my blog I have a topic that probably worries many of us: how to return old feelings and relationships. How often do we remember romantic encounters, and then, after living for some time, everything goes away somewhere. Problems, worries, everyday life, finances, and then something happens in the family... Are you familiar with the situation? I think if we answer this question honestly, each of us will say: “Familiar.” Maybe they do happy families who manage to avoid this, but personally I have not met such families.

And at every stage of our relationship, it can be difficult to return cooled feelings, to breathe a new, fresh current into them. In my opinion, this is still more work Women. We are endowed with sincerity, touchingness, we can understand and forgive a lot, we always want something new. Woman is the Violin and the Rod Men - for me this is exactly how family relationships are seen. And this is exactly the Work. I invite us today to read, think, meditate, ponder and, indeed, work. Aren't we gladdened by the prospects for new relationships?

I myself am not a psychologist, but I really love such topics, reading something and, most importantly, then doing something, namely applying a lot of what I read. Today, on the pages of my blog, psychologist Olga Tovpeko will reflect and share her thoughts on the topic of returning cooled feelings. I give her the floor.

How to return cooled old feelings and relationships?

Good afternoon, I am very pleased that Irina invited me to visit her blog. I hope that the conversation will be useful and interesting to many. Let's look at a typical woman's story...

“We come home from work, I run to the kitchen and quickly start preparing dinner. Then I fuss with the children, and my husband, tired, sits down at the computer or tablet to read the news... And so every day... Sometimes I catch myself thinking that all of our communication comes down to solving household issues or discussing children's problems. There is no romance or former interest left in the relationship. But once upon a time we could talk about everything all night long!..”

Are you familiar with the situation when a relationship fades? When do they lose their taste and excitement in a series of troublesome everyday life? When your soul becomes hurt and painful: where did the romance go? When you look at wedding photos, you remember how it all began and are amazed: is it really us? And I really want to return to my old relationship, but how? And is it possible?

This problem - cold feelings and boredom in a relationship - can cause serious damage to them. After all, if we do not get joy from relationships, then we can draw the most categorical conclusions: I am not on the same path with this person.

And this is not just a life observation. Statistics confirm that the main reason for divorces is not conflicts and quarrels, but, on the contrary, faded interest and virtually no communication with each other. Research in Canada, based on a survey of several hundred couples, confirmed that cold feelings and boredom are the main reasons why marriages break up.

Bored in a relationship. What to do and how to return the old feelings?

If you are faced with this situation, then I have two news for you. One is good and the other is so-so (although the first is impossible without it!).

I'll start with the last one. The bad news is that since all the mechanisms in a relationship start with female hand, then most of the responsibility for the “fading” of relationships lies with us.

This same circumstance gives us good news! If you understand the laws of relationships and manage them competently, then very soon they will sparkle with new colors, which means you will feel loved and desired in them again!

If you have read this far, it means you are ready for this! But in order to return to the old relationship, you first need to figure out the reasons - how it happens that they begin to fade, become gray and boring...

Let's go from the opposite. What did you gain when there was brightness in your relationship? Feeling loved and desired. A feeling of understanding and unity. An opportunity to share your feelings and be accepted. You experienced different experiences and felt intense emotions from the time you spent together. Where did all this go?

There are 3 gradual reasons for feelings to cool down

1. Unpreparedness for “grounding” . Any couple eventually moves to the stage of resolving everyday issues. Apartment, work, money, children and hectic everyday life - all this requires constant and daily “monitoring”, pragmatism and endurance. Were you prepared for socks or gas prices to become a topic you discussed in bed before going to bed?
Internal protest against the end of the courtship period and the first romantic years is the first step to boredom.

2. The second reason is perfectionism and high expectations . Because we were not fully accepted as children, we learned not to accept others. We build thousands beautiful pictures about what and how it should be.
How should my husband react when I tell him about my experiences. How he should look and with what facial expression to answer. We wait for help and support, while remaining silent. We cannot humanly explain to our husband what is important for us to get from him.

Detailed, detailed expectations - endless and exhausting - do not give us the opportunity to get closer to the real person - our to my own husband, recognize and accept him as he is. Learn to correctly convey to him what is important to us. Learn to hear him and understand his needs.

3. The natural and direct consequence of constant expectations is shift of responsibility . Therefore, the third reason is how much you know how to take care of yourself and realize yourself as a couple.

When we enter into a relationship, we often subconsciously think: “Now I have someone who will take care of me. Now you can relax!”
We expect a man to take care of us at all levels: on the physical (to look after, give rest and preferably sponsor), on the emotional (understand and accept, support and admire), on the intellectual (turn on interesting conversations, developed himself and entertained us).

And now the question. To what extent are you taking care of yourself on all these levels?

• On the body: To what extent do you nourish your body with the right food and give it care? To what extent do you give your body rest and balanced load?
• On an emotional : To what extent do you support, accept and understand yourself? Do you know what you want and where you are going? Do you come to terms with your shortcomings and accept yourself as a whole person? Do you find timely support and consolation for your soul?
• On the intellectual : To what extent do you develop yourself and realize your talents and abilities, plans and ambitions?

It is important to understand that it is we who are responsible for meeting the needs of our body and soul, intellect and spirit.

But what does boredom have to do with it and how can you still get your old relationship back?

Give me one more minute and I'll explain this relationship...Are you ready to hear the truth?
If you do not realize yourself on all these levels, then your husband will be to blame. This means that grievances will begin to appear, discontent will accumulate, and it will become increasingly difficult for you to open up in a couple and be sincere.

If you do not open up, then your relationship will very soon become superficial - it will revolve at the level of routine, daily bustle and slowly become covered with dust. Intimacy will leave the relationship, and when this happens, boredom always appears on the threshold...

To summarize, we come to the conclusion that boredom in a relationship is not just a sign that you haven’t gone to a cafe or gone out of town for a long time. Believe me, you can go shopping together in Paris every weekend, or travel from one place on the planet to another, but boredom will still follow you on your heels.

Brightness and romance in relationships, their liveliness are not at all determined by fun and colorful events (although they are also important!). They are connected with the closeness and depth of your relationship, with how much you realize yourself in them, how much you can be
yourself. And this is not possible if you live in grievances, claims and discontent...

Let me emphasize once again that boredom in a relationship is the inability (or unwillingness) to be yourself, to talk about what you want, to express yourself the way you want, to share thoughts and plans, interests and desires.

Boredom is the cut off oxygen in a relationship, when everyone is locked into something different, and there is no real, living flow of genuine and refreshing commonality - namely intimacy, interest and curiosity in each other's lives.

How do we usually see a situation when our feelings cool down?

Misinterpretation of the situation makes it even worse. What thoughts come to our minds when things get boring in a relationship? Usually we believe that the reason is in him (my husband) or in her (my wife).

We perceive our partner as the source of all our joys and, accordingly, all misfortunes, losing sight of one small detail: routine is a natural part of our life, and boredom in a relationship is only a certain and natural stage. So it's not all that scary!

By understanding the laws of relationships, you can easily and beautifully use this difficult but necessary stage to deepen relationships. Although many prefer to exit them at this point.

Let's move on to answering the main question: how to return cooled feelings to our relationship?

First of all, it is important to understand: relationships are “plastic material”, and the man in them reacts quickly and sensitively to our changes. Therefore, depending on how you change and open up, so will your relationship develop. And it’s great that we can improve them only by changing ourselves, and not by trying in vain to correct someone!

A 5-step algorithm on how to return to the previous relationship in a couple:

1. I cannot tell you directly: free yourself from illusions, expectations and idealizations, because I understand that this is impossible. And then I offer you a healthy alternative: try to “unstick” your expectations and your real man. Separate your expectations from what he is. And be curious: what motivates him? How does he feel? How does he feel now? What does he want?

Changing the focus of perception - a very healing remedy. When we get stuck on ourselves and in ourselves, we only fall into the trap of our own resentment, seeing everything in black: he just doesn’t love me. I'm sure this is not true! Love is more than just satisfaction of needs.

2. Ask yourself: what do I really want? What am I missing? What makes relationships dim in my eyes? What would make them juicy and alive for me? Write it all down on paper, point by point, so that your thoughts don’t get confused, so that you understand yourself better, figure out what you need to be happy.

3. Now go through all the points. What a small but real step you can take to move towards more joyful and fulfilling relationships? What can be done at the level of events (where to go, where to be), skills and abilities (what to do, how to do), values ​​and interests (what unites us, where we touch souls)? Initiate one step for each item during the same week, without procrastinating.

4. Find the right moment and try discussing it with your husband what is going on. Share your feelings (only without reproaches and complaints), tell us what is important to you and what is missing.

Be curious if he notices something similar in your relationship, what he feels. Perhaps the husband will say that for him everything happens as usual, and he does not suffer from the fact that something is missing. In this case - don't be embarrassed - women are always more sensitive to details.

Offer your husband some specific and realistic idea, the implementation of which, in your opinion, will refresh the relationship, and ask him for help.

5. Learn to open up in relationships . You will say: he just doesn’t want to listen to me. He is only interested in news... Perhaps this is so. However, the devil is in the details. Choose the right moment to talk and, most importantly, the right attitude. Often we are initially set up for disappointment and then structure the conversation in such a way that this expectation is only justified. Start the discussion from the state of “I am good, and you are good” and you will see that the man will not be indifferent.

Finally, I would like to add that relationships cannot remain boring if you start working on them - learn to be softer and more flexible, give up detailed expectations, start asking more for help and support and happily accept them, be observant of yourself and your man.

Then the relationship turns first into a real intricate detective story, and then into an adventure novel, where you are no longer a passive observer, as before. You will discover so many new facets in your relationship that you definitely won’t be bored!

Olga Tovpeko, candidate of psychological sciences, author and director of the project “School of Psychology for Moms” mamaschool.info, author of trainings and psychological quests for mothers.

I thank Olga for the information. I was very interested in reading everything. I think a plan of action has already been outlined...

My sincere gift for today there will be Secret Garden – Chaconne Secret Garden is an Irish-Norwegian duo. Classic pair - keyboards and violin. In the hands of these talented performers, true magic is born. Those who read our magazine “Scents of Happiness” probably remember my article “The Secret Garden of the Soul”. It was no coincidence that I chose this composition for this article. Let's go back to the beginning of the article... Remember my words about the Violin Woman and the Core Man? I think that this is exactly the case in this duet.

The question of how to return the love of a husband is asked by many women when any doubts about their strength creep into their heads. family relations.

Only when any unusual changes begin in the relationship between the spouses does the woman begin to worry and think that she, too, must certainly be returned. Psychologists give enough universal tips on this occasion.

In contact with

You can return it, yes. But it's difficult.

Psychologists believe that our habits depend on our internal state. For a woman sometimes it becomes the most important husband, home, family, work, kitchen - everything except herself. Roughly speaking, she stops loving herself. If there is no love for you, then there will be nowhere to get love from the outside. Without self-love, you cannot return your husband's love. Attention! Love and egocentrism are different things, don’t confuse them.

Psychologists also highlight the other extreme. When the wife is perfect. Your legs are always perfectly shaved, your hair is always perfectly neat, your dress is always perfectly ironed. And for whom? Psychologists believe that about 8/10 women try this hard for the sake of men and their attention. Not for yourself, but for someone else. Again: is it possible to return a man’s love when you don’t even love yourself? It seems like different things, but the outcome is the same.

Much more difficult is the question of how to return your husband's love. It would seem that the situation has changed radically - here he has already left for another woman and now it seems like his love belongs to her, that’s it, it can’t be returned. But no! Psychologists believe that this is simply the next stage of an existing problem, that it is just a matter of time.

The key to regaining your husband's respect and love is you. According to the opinions of many psychologists, the main thing is to regain interest in yourself, and then your husband’s love will return.

How to get your husband's attention and love back?

Do you love your husband yourself? This is not about care and guardianship, but about love.

Purposefully thinking about how to return your husband’s attention and love if you don’t have such feelings yourself is illogical. And no, you can’t say “let him take the steps first, he’s a man.” Psychologists say that you are responsible only for yourself, therefore, if you really want to return your husband’s love, you should consider him as a person, a personality, and love this personality. And you can’t return something that didn’t exist, especially love.

So, how to return a husband's love for his wife? Psychologists believe that in order to return love, sometimes it is enough to analyze the following aspects:

• self-perception;
• self-development;
• your behavior towards your husband.

Psychologists also note that this list is hierarchical - from the first comes the second, from the second comes the third.

Self-perception

Think about what you are for you. How do you perceive yourself? Why you.

Psychologists use these three key questions to determine a woman’s self-esteem and self-love. Therefore, psychologists advise using a very simple test. Take a piece of paper and write 5-10 points for each such question.

What/who are you?

Pay attention to the exact words you used to describe yourself - they will indicate your priorities.

If you first of all wrote that you are a woman, then your gender is fundamental to you. It is quite possible that you justify many of your own and other people’s actions with this. Such people tend to share housework, occupation, mentality, etc. into feminine and masculine.

Think about it: do you have any gender prejudices? Was it ever that someone imposed their concept of a woman on you, putting it in the foreground, and you didn’t have the willpower/desire to stick to your line?

If you have identified yourself as a person with a specific occupation (“artist”, “teacher”, “ballerina”, “scientist”), your emphasis is more on realizing your potential. Think about whether you are sacrificing something very important for the sake of the business that you have chosen as your main one?

Moving forward in your business is great, but psychologists believe that everything should be in moderation. You can't return love if you don't have time for it.

Doesn’t it happen when you brush aside your needs and those close to you in order to complete some project or task?

Psychologists believe that if a woman chooses an elaborate answer to this question (“goddess”, “work of art”, “perfection”, “ True Woman", etc.), there are clear demonstrative or hysterical elements in her behavior. Such ladies are prone to theatrical reactions to many events, as well as manipulation. As psychologists note, returning love with such “window dressing” is quite problematic.

What are you?

These descriptions, according to psychologists, also speak very eloquently about your self-esteem.

If you described mostly external characteristics (“tall”, “beautiful”, “blond”, “large”), psychologists may come to the conclusion that:

• you are a visual person - you receive most of the information using a visual analyzer;
• the attractiveness of your partner is really important to you;
• When winning someone over, you place more bets on your appearance.

Women who described some of their functional characteristics (“hardworking,” “efficient,” “hardy”) are characterized by psychologists as pragmatic. They:

• prefer practice to theory;
• they perceive dreamy people as a lower and infantile class;
• they don’t like typical gifts with a taste of candy romance - banal, stupid and boring.

According to psychologists, ladies who most described their own emotional component (“cheerful”, “irritable”, “harmonious”) are characterized by:

• good intuition and empathy;
• the predominance of sensory perception over intellectual;
• focusing on your perception of situations;
• kinesthetic type of representative system - they receive information using tactile sensations.

If you described personal, including strong-willed, character traits (“purposeful,” “decisive,” “assiduous”), then, according to psychologists, you tend to:

• independence and self-sufficiency;
• selfishness;
• work for results.

Why are you?

The answer to this question, according to practicing psychologists, helps determine goals and priorities. You wrote what you need to realize. Someone wants to become a professional in a certain field, someone wants to raise brilliant children, for some it is more important to create a world-class masterpiece or make a shocking discovery. Some people just want love.

A very important detail: if you have a clear preference towards living for the sake of someone/something, pull yourself together!

Psychologists never tire of repeating that renunciation of one’s own “I”, of one’s nature, indicates a lack of love for oneself as a person. This leads to negative changes in many relationships, including in love.

Self-development

Remember the last time you tried to master something. And not just master it, but master it for yourself. Not for beauty, not for status or a partner, but in order to grow in your own eyes and learn something.

Psychologists believe that if you don’t remember or if you stopped your personal growth because of some nonsense, problems will begin to creep up on every front. If you don’t develop on your own, love cannot be returned.

Behavior

According to psychologists, the most common pathological behavior in a family is the infantilism of one + the guardianship of the other. “Son-mother” or “father-daughter” pairs are formed. Psychologists view this as a codependent relationship that is initially doomed to failure.

Son-mother couples are characterized by the childish irresponsible behavior of the husband-son, which is accompanied by the all-forgiving care of the wife-mother.

• It is typical for such husbands:
• demanding attention and company;
• inability to make decisions independently;
• an indication that someone owes something to someone;

• manipulation to get what you want.
• the eternal craving to do something for her husband;
• obsession;
• tendency to take offense;

appeal to conscience. Father-daughter pairs are characterized by an opposite distribution of roles. The husband-father takes on the dominant role over his wife, and the wife-daughter remains a cute princess with a Barbie doll.

• Such husbands have the following characteristics:
• the desire to educate and reprimand the wife;
• control over the wife’s activities;

emphasizing his wife's dependence on him.

• tendency to be capricious;
• irresponsibility;
• a demand for abstract care and understanding.

How to rekindle the old passion in a relationship?

That is, there was passion, but due to some reasons it began to wane. The beauty of this is that you already have the experience that can tell you how to return your husband’s former love.

Before you wonder how to rekindle passion and win back your husband's love, remember when you sincerely wanted sex.

And if you think for yourself and develop for yourself, as well as have sex purely for your own pleasure, you will no longer worry about how to regain your former passion. And a man’s love will flare up even more if he feels that you are enjoying the process itself, and not your own false dedication “for the benefit of others.” This “for good” destroys families; it is often impossible to return love.

A separate group includes wives who have sex with their husbands solely for his pleasure. The couple has sex, not the husband! The husband will get his in 97% of the outcome! Think about yourself!

So, how can you bring passion back into your relationship with your husband? Practicing psychologists believe that you should:

• rethink your attitude towards your husband as a person - appearance is appearance, and excitement, like love, originates in the brain (where it needs to be returned), and not in the genitals;
• and your attractiveness - if you walk around the house stooped, with dirty hair and in a shabby robe, then it is not surprising that it is somewhat difficult to return your husband’s enthusiasm for you;
• overcome shyness and social inhibitions by discussing the issue of sex with your husband - who else should you discuss this with if not with him?
• love experiments and using them in your Everyday life– diversity will be a manifestation of your interest in this area, so it will be easier to return passion and love;
• pay attention to your own feelings during lovemaking and don’t focus on returning passion and pleasing your husband - sex for two.

More pragmatic advice from psychologists and psychotherapists regarding how to return the passion and love of your husband is as follows:

1. Learn to undress beautifully and gracefully - this is very exciting for about 40% of men.
2. About 60% of men love elegant lace lingerie on their wives - buy several sets at different cases life to bring back the spice to your intimacy.
3. Don’t be afraid to give a signal that you feel good: if you want to moan, moan, if you want to breathe, breathe. Don't hold back. It is important for a man to clearly record your positive reaction to his activity.
4. Remember that 65% of men prefer to alternate between traditional sex and oral sex.
5. There are very few men who are psychics. In order for him to understand your desires, it would be best to direct your husband’s hand to the right place. In some cases, you can just say it, but most men prefer the first option.
6. Be dynamic - the puritanical days are long gone, and you no longer have to remain in a stable position lying on your back in a long nightgown.
7. Train yourself to arch your back. It is beautiful.

How to stir up interest in yourself after the birth of a child?

It should be remembered that for 1 month after the birth of the baby, not only psychologists, but also gynecologists recommend refraining from making love. Psychologists point out that this time is a phase of adaptation of the husband and wife to the arrival of the baby, therefore the sensual part of them life together fades into the background.

During the period of breastfeeding, psychologists note the following nuance: if previously the breast was an object of decoration and pleasure for a man, now it does not belong to him, and the former priorities can no longer be returned. And on an instinctive level, the husband understands this.

The period of the first year after the birth of a child, according to psychologists, is a test of empathy and the strength of the family. Then, normally, sexual relations with your husband should be balanced and move to another level, and there is no need to artificially return them. Of course, love doesn't go away.

It happens that a husband’s attitude towards his wife changes noticeably after the birth of a child.

This is often observed in:

• couples who long time lived together without a child (more than 3 years);
• couples who got married because of pregnancy;
• families where a child is born with health problems.

The new responsibility is obliging and frightening at the same time, which is why many wives after childbirth are faced with the question of how to return passion to their relationship with their husband after the birth of a child.

Actually, how to return passion to the relationship between husband and wife if another small family member has appeared? Psychologists advise the following:

1. Get to grips with your self-esteem. She must be returned! Yes, you now have a child, but you have not stopped being a person, you have not stopped being a woman who has a beloved husband. Remember this.
2. Clarify with your husband all these subtle nuances of your relationship - without this, there is no way to return love.
3. If suddenly you both have a fear that another cute screaming creature will appear at home, and then another and another, the solution is very banal and simple: use contraceptives.
4. Learn to relax. Sometimes it's not enough physical strength in order to make love, therefore there is no desire to return the passion.

How to return love to your husband?

And yet, how to return the love of a husband to his wife? A psychologist's advice, as a rule, is based on a specific situation and is developed specifically, taking into account many factors. But any experienced psychologist will tell you that analyzing the above-mentioned personality aspects can help bring back feelings. What should be done, according to psychologists, based on the findings obtained, in order to return the love of your spouse?

If new topics for reflection were found when analyzing yourself, you should take this seriously:

1. Don’t tie any traits or antics to generally accepted labels, because a man leaves for another not because he is a man, but because he too lacks something.
2. Find a balance between all the areas in which you are involved (family, love, work, education, creativity), and make sure that there is no strong preponderance in one direction.
3. Watch your reaction to your usual conversations with your husband: if something causes melancholy, irritation or some other type of negative emotion, you should think about the reason for what hurts you.
4. Learn to respect other people's opinions: you and your husband may have different positions on the same issues, this is normal.
5. Set your priorities in such a way that you can pay attention to yourself and interact with your husband - so that you have time for what you really want to get back.
6. If you are confused, do not be afraid to consult a psychologist or psychotherapist.

Start practicing for yourself, not for others:

1. Find an activity that you like, not fashion/girlfriends/husband, etc.;
2. Stop using lack of time and money as excuses.

When analyzing your own behavior with your husband, in order to return his love, you should:

1. Break out of the vicious circle of “boss-subordinate” (“son-mother”, “father-daughter”) and behave like a person who respects other people’s boundaries and interests (if this is really hard for you, an experienced practicing psychologist will help you “get yourself back”) .
2. To get rid of addiction in a relationship with your husband - you are different people who have made a strong-willed decision to develop together.
3. Learn to be independent.
4. Let your husband go if he needs it - to work, to some events, from home. He is also a person, like you, who has the right to dispose of himself.

There is no universal way to do this. Advice from psychologists flashed like red threads at every point. It is noteworthy that an adequate psychologist will not recommend manipulating a man or forcing him to do anything. Psychologists believe that before thinking about how to return love to her husband, a wife should engage in her own self-esteem and self-development.

In addition to the step-by-step analysis methods described above, psychologists recommend using tests based on archetypes and intuitive perception - drawings. Psychologists pay attention to different elements of the picture, each of which denotes one or another area of ​​your perception.

A popular test that determines emotional condition human is the “Non-existent animal” test. It is necessary to use colored pencils so that the test can be interpreted as accurately as possible. Help is needed to properly understand the results of this test. experienced psychologist or a psychotherapist who will assess the overall emotional background the client, his inclinations, and can also diagnose some changes and accents in sexual behavior.

A similar test is “Lamb in a Bottle,” which helps the psychologist determine the client’s attitude to the external environment, to society, and to love.

In some situations, a psychologist may not give a general answer, but one that suits your situation. But then the psychologist needs to delve into your relationship, which is not done online.

Useful video

Psychologists advise first deciding what you want to return. If you are sure that your relationship is fading away, and you really want to return and maintain love, then the game is worth the candle. So, how to return your husband’s former passion and love:

Conclusion

1. Psychologists believe that you can return your husband’s love by analyzing your behavior, as well as by changing your attitude towards yourself. You can analyze it yourself, or with the help of some tests, which a psychologist will help you interpret.
2. Most psychologists advise spending time with your husband straight Talk, which would dot all the i’s.
3. It is necessary to engage in self-development - this is partly the answer to the question of how to return love. And your husband’s interest will thus be directed towards you, as well as his attraction.

Instructions

Look for meetings. Show up where your loved one is. As if by chance, find yourself in the same company, attend the same events.

Rejoice at the person. Everyone likes to be smiled at. Make it clear that your meeting is a gift, an important event in life.

Monitor the reaction. If your loved one is attracted to you, then it’s time to create reasons for joint communication. Based on your interests and passions, plan a trip to the cinema, a boat trip, or an unusual pastime.

Keep calm. If you manage to establish friendly contact, this does not mean that you are back in love. Give it to the person, don't rush him. Be prepared to maintain a friendly attitude for as long as necessary. If possible, be close to your loved one.

Find out new things about the person. No one stands still: new events occur, new people appear, new peaks are conquered. You have changed, and the person may have become different. Take a closer look at it. Understand what it is like now and what has changed? Do you like this in a person? Realize that you are too. And the loved one examines and studies these new features. If it weren’t for our shared past and memories, we could have started all over again.

Involve the person in your life. It doesn't have to be just dates. Ask for advice, be interested in the person’s opinion. Invite people to meetings with friends, introduce them to relatives. Take long trips together. Live life to the fullest. When you feel that he is ready to take a step towards you, open your arms. Raise the question about relationships and living together.

Passion. What does it mean to you, what role does it play in relationships? Perhaps after years of family relationships you have forgotten about this feeling. Maybe this burning desire is hidden under the sofa where your chosen one is watching football again? Or maybe it sleeps in a box with a scarlet ribbon, where you keep an immodest set of underwear, donated for the first time romantic night? Passion fell under the wheels of everyday life, but you can fix everything.

You will need

• - gym membership;
• - beautiful lingerie
• - cosmetics to charm;
• - book "Kama Sutra" and fantasy.

Instructions

Passion It should not be feigned; in this case, the falseness is immediately visible. Do not attack your partner like a raging bull or tigress in order to arouse his interest and ignite the fire of love. You will encounter indifference. The feeling should arise immediately for two, like a discharge from a touch, like a flash from a glance.

This feeling is corroded by everyday life and pressing problems. If you don't allow yourself to rest and relax, negative thoughts will not disappear from your head, as a result, you will close yourself (in problems) and wrap yourself in this funnel. So finally get some rest!

Children. This is happiness, of course. But love affairs are reduced to rustling under the covers, and only when everyone is sleeping. Ask grandmothers and grandchildren to take them at least for one day or evening on weekdays or . And the children will be glad to have new impressions and care, and your feelings will jump out of their “straitjackets.”

“Women love with their ears, and men with their eyes” - it has always been, is and will be. A dressing gown and a ponytail on your head instead of a hairstyle are not impressive, are they? It’s another matter if this robe is a peignoir the color of a scarlet rose, the length of which barely covers the buttocks, and on the head there is a high-tied tail, shiny and decorated with a string of pearls. Beautiful? Your partner won't be able to lie on the couch after seeing you in this look.

Body and sport. Beautiful body requires investment, no matter how you look at it. This includes a massage, a gym, a solarium with creams, and expensive perfume. If there are no such expenses in your home budget, then it is worth setting aside an hour of free time in your daily routine for daily care behind you. As for sports, physical activity increases libido and improves mood.

Sexual relations. A well-developed plan is appropriate anywhere, but not here. The same bed, poses, phrases, behavior is boredom. Passion gallops out of such bedrooms. Diversify your life, attract the help of bold fantasies, erotic lingerie, role-playing games. Spontaneity, change of place, all your tricks that you used during the bouquet and candy period - everything is to your advantage. Try, experiment, please yourself.

Crisis and stress. They are not expected, they enter without knocking, sometimes at the most inopportune moment. Here there are crises, and dismissal at work, and the birth of a child, and depression. Step over these with your head held high, these are the steps that bring not only extinction, but also development. Afterwards you need to come to your senses, the man takes on a new role and becomes a father. Passion at this time she quietly “stands” on the sidelines, but a couple of sleepless months will pass, and she will reach out to you again.

Spend time alone and talk. Discover new facets in your partner, be surprised and surprise yourself. You don’t need to stop after ringing your loved one, you need to develop further. Become better and more appetizing over the years, like cognac aged for many years. Bloom, open up, seduce, drive you crazy.

Video on the topic

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Helpful advice

Meet your partner halfway in new endeavors. If a burning desire overtakes him in the midst of a party with friends, retire to a spare room. Invisible means not ashamed.

Have you noticed that a lot goes away over time? This also applies to relations. Past passion and mutual understanding disappeared somewhere, only everyday problems and responsibilities remained. But the strangest thing is that your desires have not changed so dramatically: you still want love, affection and care. You can try to return all this.

Instructions

Talk to your loved one. Try to understand what exactly went wrong, why the previous relationship no longer exists, what caused this. Or there can be a lot, starting with a banal lack of time for each other, and ending with a rethinking of life.

Divide the responsibilities. One person cannot be responsible for everything. It is not surprising that relationships deteriorate if, for example, the spouse must simultaneously work, care for, and keep the house clean. After such a hard day, you don’t need a relationship or a husband. Write down the responsibilities and indicate who will do what. This will free up time that you can spend pleasantly together.

Experiment. Stop being afraid of everything unusual and new. This applies both to the intimate side of life together and to its everyday aspects. Change your attitude towards some things. Surprise your loved one, let him feel . You'll get tired of doing the same thing over and over again for many years, even if it used to give you unforgettable pleasure. Remember this and always strive for something new.

Spend more time with each other. Strive to always be present in the life of your loved one. Write him SMS, leave notes in his pockets, please him with little things. Of course, you shouldn’t overdo it, because constant calls, on the contrary, can cause a negative reaction. Everything should be in moderation.

Change. Try something within yourself to breathe life into your relationship. Changes can be both external, for example, a change of image, and internal: spiritual practices, self-development. Become interesting friend for a friend, and your relationship will sparkle with new colors.

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Sometimes it's too late to return past relationships. If you feel that a person has become very distant from you and there is no way to return him, then break off the relationship and start new life.

Tip 4: How to bring love and romance back into your relationship with your husband

Is it possible to bring romance back into a faded relationship? Any union requires nourishment of feelings, so it is important for a woman to know some nuances that will allow her to bring newness to the relationship.

Instructions

Leave your husband a love note. If you leave home early, leave a prepared breakfast on the table and add a note with your wishes to it. Have a good day or with a declaration of love. You can slip such a note discreetly into your pocket.

Walk as before. Go to the park, walk through the places you used to walk together.

Speak the same language. Talk to your husband in the same language, so you can correctly convey your emotions. By satisfying a man's needs, you get a happy partner in return.

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Do you want to return the feelings of your loved one, you don’t know how to do it, you give up? Read with us how to return the feelings of your beloved man or woman.

Every relationship starts with mutual sympathy, which then develops into a more serious feeling. Love is that feeling that never goes away. This feeling can burn with passion for several years and then fade, but not disappear.

Any relationship is not only pleasure, but hard work. After all, if you don’t work on relationships, then feelings can simply disappear. At some point you will realize that you feel nothing but affection for your significant other, and this will not help you maintain the relationship.

Why do feelings go away?

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Before trying in a panic to find the answer to the question of how to return feelings, you need to change your attitude to the problem, if you like, philosophically and understand something.

To begin with, I would like to say that love is fleeting. Unfortunately, this truth is tested every day by thousands of couples in whose relationships significant changes have occurred over a certain period of time.

Despite the fact that the reasons for the fading of feelings are almost the same for everyone, this problem is solved in two ways: someone gives up and simply breaks up with their partner, and someone makes an effort to maintain their relationship. That is why we would like to reveal several reasons why feelings may fade.

Many people are accustomed to thinking that relationships are based only on such a bright and sincere feeling as love, but, as we have already noted, it can be fleeting. Therefore, those who think so should change their view of this feeling.

Psychologists have found that during the first 3 years of a relationship, lovers feel a strong sexual attraction, their relationship is filled with passion, adoration for each other and a certain euphoria that makes everything else seem nonsense. After this period ends, the passion fades and lovers begin to notice each other's shortcomings more and more, forgetting about why they started this relationship.

We will talk below about what can happen after 3 years of a carefree life, or even earlier.

Everyday problems come first in relationship problems. Everyday little things that slowly but surely destroy relationships are inevitable and occur in almost every couple.

It is also worth noting that when choosing a partner, we strive to find a person similar to ourselves, but over time we realize that there are a lot of differences between us. After this, there is a realization that this is a completely different person, almost the opposite. And although some believe that opposite personalities can have an ideal union, psychologists refute this opinion by analyzing the most successful marriages.

In such a situation, you need to part with that in an ideal way the partner we ourselves invented and accept the real one. If you don't do this, you will probably try to re-educate your partner or simply end the relationship.

Another reason I would like to mention is imitation, which is often used to preserve feelings. The thing is that some couples who feel an imbalance in their relationship begin to focus on more successful examples family life. To achieve desired result partners try to imitate them, that is, behave and do everything the same as happy couples.

Such behavior cannot lead to something good, because all people are different and to preserve feelings you should focus on your partner. Next, we will look in more detail at how to return feelings to a girl and a man, because everyone has their own reasons for the fading of feelings and, therefore, their own methods of influence.

How to get a man's feelings back

Data-lazy-type="image" data-src="http://zdoru.ru/wp-content/uploads/2014/10/kak-vernut-chuvstva-parnya-1.jpg" alt="(!LANG :how to get your feelings back" width="271" height="224" srcset="" data-srcset="http://zdoru.ru/wp-content/uploads/2014/10/kak-vernut-chuvstva-parnya-1..jpg 300w" sizes="(max-width: 271px) 100vw, 271px">!} Dear girls, as soon as you notice that your man has begun to show indifference to you, often stays late at work, is reluctant to go home and has stopped paying attention, start acting. The thing is that men are polygamous by nature and his feelings for you begin to disappear, then it is possible that they will soon appear, but for another woman. We will tell you how to act to return a man’s feelings and what should not be allowed in such a situation.

No panic

As soon as the girl realizes that her man has lost interest in her, she is overcome by a panic attack. As a result, scandals, depression and swearing begin. I, as a person who experienced this crisis, could never understand what girls are trying to get from their man by venting their grievances to him. Of course, it’s not easy to accept this, but you need to control yourself, otherwise you will only make the situation worse. Do you think that a person who is already thinking about breaking up a relationship will be pleased to listen to hysterics from the girl he once loved, saying that it’s all his fault?

No matter how offensive it is to admit it, girls in most cases are themselves to blame for the fact that a guy has lost interest in them. We will return to this later.

Finding out the reason

After you calm down, you need to carefully analyze your relationship and understand what exactly is wrong with it. Of course, it’s quite difficult to talk about this if you don’t see yourself from the outside, but for this solution to this problem you can call best friend, who can honestly say that in her opinion you both are lacking.

Regaining our confidence

Girls are quite critical of their shortcomings in appearance or character, and this is normal, because this is how we strive to be better. But a man doesn’t need to know about this. He should see only the merits. Complex girls do not attract men; they like confident ladies who know exactly what they want. Therefore, if you want to bring back your extinguished passion, start fighting your shortcomings, remember, everyone has them.

Let's take care of ourselves

Since we started talking about appearance, let's touch on one of the most important aspects – appearance girls. Remember, men love with their eyes, so the fact that you have been together for several years does not give you the right to constantly walk around with him in a stretched or dirty T-shirt, without combing your hair and without makeup. I won’t argue that when you’re sick, this appearance is quite normal, but walking like this every day is simply unacceptable.

Over time, he will simply begin to forget how dazzling you can look. But you just need to buy a couple of sets of cute home clothes, in which you will be comfortable.

By the way, this is exactly what I meant in the first paragraph. Girls relax and stop trying to look good in front of their men; as a result, they lose interest in you.

Developing as a person

Some girls who love very energetic, ambitious and emotionally strong men become his shadow. They begin to literally live his life. How correctly does this happen if a man earns money and a woman is a housewife? Don't get me wrong, I have nothing against housewives; on the contrary, I believe that such work is much harder than sitting in an office for 6 hours, especially if you have a child.

But this does not mean that your entire life is focused on the household, husband and children. Try to choose time for yourself to go to the theater, attend some interesting courses, and meet people you are interested in.

Also, don’t forget to read books and at least occasionally look at the news feed. Understand that in this case your chosen one will be interested in you, you will be able to spend hours sharing with each other the events and news that happened to you.

How to get a girl's feelings back

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Men who find out or notice that a girl has lost interest in them, as a rule, begin to behave completely incorrectly. Of course, they don’t throw tantrums like girls do, but they also make a lot of mistakes. We will tell you below what to do and what not to do when trying to return a girl’s feelings.

We do not force relationships

As practice shows, the first thing the representatives of the stronger sex begin to do in this situation is to give gifts, ask the girl not to leave and have long conversations about what their relationship could be like. I understand that in such a situation men become very vulnerable, they simply get lost and begin to act, trusting their emotions. But here, first of all, you need a cool head. Understand that giving your loved one a bunch of gifts and flowers will not solve global problems.

Finding out the reason

Some men are accustomed to listening to their beloved and the TV at the same time, with the TV in the foreground. Women are usually very emotional, unlike men, so when they don’t like something they immediately say it out. Try to listen to your beloved, then you will immediately understand the reason for the discord in the relationship.

Creating Attraction

If a girl has lost her feelings for you, it means she has forgotten why she once chose you. Try to remind her of this.

Your appearance is also important. Although appearance is not the most important thing for women, it is not at all necessary to grow a belly.

Controlling jealousy

When a man is constantly jealous of his woman for every passerby, sooner or later she gets tired of it. Perhaps this was the reason for the breakdown of your relationship. If this story is not about you, then perhaps you should at least start being a little jealous of your girlfriend.

The thing is that if you are not jealous of your significant other at all, she may think that you simply don’t care where and with whom she is. If you are too jealous of her, she may think that you don’t trust her at all. Therefore, there is a very fine line that must be observed.

We are changing

The main thing for a woman is to understand that you have changed and are no longer yours. family life will not be as dull and monotonous as it was before. It is important to prove to her that now everything will be different. This is the only way she can trust you again.

So, we looked at what needs to be done to return feelings to a man or woman. Based personal experience, I can add that the main thing in a relationship is mutual understanding, tolerance for other people’s shortcomings, common family values and, of course, plans for the future. If you follow these simple aspects, you won't have to think about how to get your old feelings back.

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