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At a time when a woman’s place was around the fire, and men’s place was on the hunt, communication between the sexes was limited to romantic relationships. Today we go through life with more friends of different genders than in any previous generation. So how do you decide which of these relationships are truly friendships?
I asked friends, colleagues and patients if a man and a woman could be just friends. “Yes, of course,” replied 33-year-old programmer Henry. “It’s not only possible, it’s something special.” But it's difficult if you find each other physically attractive. If not, there won’t be any problems.”
My student from New York, Karl, saw Joanna on the street on the day of the September 11th tragedy. She looked in horror at the burning twin towers. “I went over and hugged her, right there and then,” Karl recalls. “I think I did it because at that moment, in the fear and chaos that reigned around, it was the only way to find a connection with life... Joanna and I became friends, but I soon realized that I wanted more. Unfortunately, she didn't want to."
The absence of physical attraction in one person makes friendship possible and love impossible.
This is one of those difficult moments when the lack of physical attraction makes friendship possible and love impossible. But the secrets of attraction don't work in tandem. One wants more, the other doesn't. For Carl and Joanna's relationship to truly become friendly, Carl had to accept Joanna's lack of sexual interest as a gift, not as a refusal. It took time and trust. Joanna had to be sure that he was not pretending that everything was really okay and that Karl would not take advantage of her weakness when she just wanted warmth and only he would be nearby. They succeeded.
Now Joanna describes their relationship as deeper, more related. They are together physically, but it is comfortable and safe. “We hug each other like family,” she says, “not with passion, but with care.” Carl agrees: “I love her like a sister—it’s a unique friendship that I can’t have with a man.”
I have male friends whom I have known since school. Lovers came and went, but friends are still there. I never had any romantic feelings for them. Behind long years we played many roles for each other: buddies, career advisers, secret keepers, and even provided each other with alibis. We advised each other on what to wear, what to say and do in difficult moments, we were there during the funerals of loved ones and when our marriages fell apart. And this is amazing. “We give ourselves much more in friendship than in love relationships,” says my friend Liana. “I am much more kind, sweeter, and more responsive to my friends than to my husband.”
Is this true for everyone? We may fall in love suddenly, while friendship develops gradually, we show care and tolerance. We leave the best in us to our friends and often treat our partners horribly.
“For a man, being friends with a woman opens up the opportunity to share his vulnerability, which is much more difficult to do in male friendship»
In a man-woman friendship, we must constantly test the strength of boundaries. When one of us gets a partner, we ask questions: “Should I tell my partners about what is happening between me and a male (female) friend?”, “Do we have the right to date alone ( without a partner), or now there must definitely be more of us (each with his own pair)?”
Jealousy of partners is the reason why many are sure that friendship between a man and a woman is impossible. But I am convinced that the key to solving the problem is trust!
In a study published in the journal Personal and social relations» 1, Linda Sapadin surveyed 156 men and women about what they liked/disliked about opposite-sex friendships. Topping the list of women's dislikes was sexual tension. However, men believe that sexual attraction is the main reason for starting a friendship between a man and a woman and that it can even make the friendship deeper.
My patient Michelle recently went through a difficult divorce. Her friends supported her and gave her advice like: “Tell him that you won’t let him take advantage of you... don’t feel sorry for him,” etc. They over-identified with her, and although they wholeheartedly wanted to help, sometimes their advice turned out to be harmful.
Michelle notes the male friend's ability to listen "from a safe distance." “My friend Joe is not trying to be me. He can be objective,” she says.
Men are also interested in friendships with women for many reasons. But the main thing is the opportunity to talk about your vulnerability, which is much more difficult to do in male friendships. Women allow them to open up and communicate their feelings.
I believe that we are blessed with the ability to weave many types of relationships with men, but for me, friendship between a man and a woman is a unique thread that should be highly valued.
Esther Perel is a psychotherapist who specializes in cultural and social stereotypes that affect couple relationships. Her website is estherperel.com.
1 L. A. Sapadin, Journal of Social And Personal Relationships, 2014.
“A lot of people, especially young people, believe that sexual compatibility is a critically important thing for saving a marriage. Therefore, it is believed that before getting married, a man and a woman must check how compatible they are with each other.
— Sexual compatibility is one of the components of the relationship between a man and a woman, and this concept has the right to life. But to save a marriage, physiological compatibility is far from decisive. After all, a family cannot be built on sex alone. Sex without love is a one-night stand that emasculates a person energetically and spiritually. And if people love each other, then they automatically become sexually compatible, because sex only complements the depth of the relationship between a man and a woman.
— Many people cannot understand what can go wrong in sex? Can you explain it on a physiological level?
- For example, he has a duration of sexual intercourse of five minutes before ejaculation, and she has eight minutes before orgasm. And some kind of sexual incompatibility may arise. He is “already”, and she is “still”, and if this is repeated day after day, it can lead to psychological breakdowns. But a woman can be brought to orgasm not only with the penis; there are many things for this. different ways, a man must love a woman, and then everything will be fine with them.
— Are these time periods rigid and cannot be changed artificially?
- Of course they can! Most often it is the woman who adjusts, it is more convenient for her. A woman can adapt, and a man too. There are methods that allow you to do this for hours.
There are statistics in St. Petersburg that show that the duration of sexual intercourse for a woman is 8 minutes, and for a man - 7 minutes. If you look at these statistics, all our women are unhappy because we stop sexual intercourse a full minute before they reach orgasm. But this is far from true. If a couple is loving, then everything happens normally, at the same time, with pleasure.
Loving couples adjust not only to the duration of sexual intercourse, but also to physiological parameters. There are situations when a woman has a vagina N cm, and a man’s penis length during erection 3 N see. Surprisingly, during sexual intercourse a woman experiences an elongation of the vaginal neck, and she does not experience pain, even when a man inserts the penis to its full depth. It all very much depends on personal relationships.
— And contraction is also possible if the penis is shorter than the vagina?
- If a woman does not love a man, the vaginal contraction does not occur, and he rushes about in her from wall to wall and does not understand what is going on. But the fact is that she doesn’t love you, she doesn’t “hug” you, neither with her hands, nor with the walls of her vagina...
Moreover, if a man and a woman love each other, it is unlikely that the man will suffer from impotence. Physiology in this matter is secondary. The problem with an erection depends on whether there is personal contact between a woman and a man, whether they are attractive to each other, spiritually close or not.
What does physiology depend on? From the flow of blood. And the flow of blood into the penis depends on the desire to possess this person, on love. I always say: if you don’t love a woman, don’t go to the cinema with her (understanding the word “cinema” is somewhat different), because you may experience erectile dysfunction at that moment, and you will remain with this memory for the rest of your life. But if there is love, then such a violation can be restored.
- So, science confirms the existence of love?
- Yes, science confirms the existence of love.
— Some young girls believe that a woman who lost her virginity before marriage has a better chance of maintaining a relationship - after all, she knows a lot in bed.
- This is far from true. There is an opinion that all prostitutes will be good wives in the future. This is a myth; such women morally represent the destroyed remnants of Atlantis. And men, like finely structured structures, sense lies, even if they are veiled. And not every man will like the fact that his wife or fiancee showed him “wow” in bed.
- Which she was taught by no one knows who.
- That's it. It would leave a bad taste in my mouth... No, I am not a supporter of premarital sexual intercourse.
— There is a myth that disorderly sex life, if we don’t talk about sexually transmitted diseases, it benefits the body. There is an opinion in society that some philanderer who changes partners left and right will not have health problems. And someone who abstains may have “spermotoxicosis.” So which is better - abstinence or debauchery?
- If you choose between abstinence and revelry, I would choose abstinence. The body and all its functions suffer from irregular sex life.
- She can be regular, but with different women.
- He also suffers with different women, because different woman- these are different flora. Today you are faced with one flora, tomorrow with another, the day after tomorrow with a third... Try to adapt your body and immunity to different floras! It's extremely hard! Manifestations of dysbacteriosis begin, men come with complaints that ulcers have opened on their penis. You examine it and there is no infection nearby. A decrease in cellular immunity on the glans penis and foreskin leads to disease.
— What changes occur in a person? I saw these “Don Juans”, they were somehow destroyed, they looked like the living dead.
- Yes, they are destroyed, we see emptiness in their eyes. It is not for nothing that the great ones said that the eyes are the mirror of the soul. Well, if we see emptiness, then what kind of soul can we talk about? Such people are destroyed, both internally and externally.
- How often do you see something like this: a person walked for ten years, and then became good husband? Good not in the sense of making money, but faithful and loving.
- It happens sometimes. These are people worthy of respect. This can be compared to alcoholism, people who use drugs or other vices. This is a vice, and if a person was able to get rid of it, then this person, firstly, is worthy of the deepest respect, and secondly, his family has good chances. He overestimated the situation, he let it pass through himself, his blood, his soul.
— People who consider abstinence harmful are often promoters of masturbation. They say if you can't have a relationship, then this is a necessity. Is masturbation a substitute for sexual intercourse?
— Masturbation is a surrogate for sexual intercourse. But, of course, it is not a full replacement. It does not train the prostate gland in the same way as intercourse with a loved one.
The prostate gland is the most important organ for a man’s health, producing the liquid component of sperm. During natural sexual intercourse, the muscular membrane of the prostate gland contracts, and it squeezes out all the contents, from all the nooks and crannies. This happens because the emotional component is included. If we work one on one with ourselves, then this component will not exist, even if we consider porn. With masturbation, muscle tissue does not work at full strength. She throws something out, but leaves a significant amount within herself, which leads to stagnant, congestive phenomena, that is, prostatitis. As a consequence, sexual dysfunction occurs, because it is possible to achieve ejaculation even if the penis is not fully erect. But this cannot happen during sexual intercourse. It's like money - either you have it or you don't. It’s the same here: either you have an erection and will have normal sexual intercourse, or you don’t have an erection.
— Summing up the results of our conversation, it turns out that if you have met a person, you need to think not about sexual compatibility, but about whether you are suitable for each other, what are the feelings between you, is there love between you and can you keep it?
- Absolutely right. There is a French joke: young people met, went to bed, and in the morning he says to her: “darling, let’s go to the cinema, it brings us together so much.”
Do you feel the depravity of what is happening in this anecdote, on the one hand, and on the other hand, the bright thought that was expressed by this man in the morning? I would advise the people who met: first, to sort out your feelings, second, to define your positions, either you love or you don’t love. That is, first go to the cinema, and then go to bed.
We need to get to know each other, walk around, hug, kiss, hold each other’s hands, look into each other’s eyes, warm each other’s feelings. And sexual intercourse should be like the apogee, like the final and strengthening pinnacle of this relationship. And it’s better for you if this climax comes already in marriage. This sequence of relationships is most acceptable, at least for me.
“To receive love... fill yourself with it until you begin to attract love like a magnet.”
Charles Haenel
What do men and women not know about each other?
Today I offer material that, with a deeper reading, will help the reader understand why he/she ended up next to his partner and what to do with those feelings that are now emanating to his beloved (or not so beloved).
0. A man and a woman develop a feeling of love for each other when their invisible ancestors bring them together to resolve their unresolved issues.
Secret number zero. I gave her this number because I know from experience how frustrating it is for people to hear that their choice of loved one is not theirs. Only when a relationship breaks down are people ready to accept: “Yes, it was all my ancestors who handed me this walking torment. I just don’t understand why!”I’ll try to briefly explain why the ancestors need this trick with your choice.
At the very beginning of a relationship, a man and a woman are nice and friendly to each other. A certain spiritual sympathy arises between them, I emphasize spiritual. Both are united by the desire to show their best sides.
For what? As they said in the old days, to show the product with your face. We all understand this, but after a while, when the package is opened, it turns out that the product is not so good and instead of sympathy there is now rejection...
Where does love go and why do claims arise? Claims are always based on unmet needs. A need is a need for something, a necessity. I think you know about Maslow’s pyramid. It starts with basic physical ones and ends with the need for self-realization.
The needs that lovers cannot satisfy for each other - this is a spied experience from their parent families. Just as parents, for example, needed love, attention, respect, so their children (our lovers) need the same.
But the parents failed to cope with these tasks in their time, looking at their elders, who may have died in the war or, for example, themselves suffered great losses (collectivization, emigration).
Information about losses and unmet needs is written in DNA. Our ancestors passed it on to us through blood and experience. There's no escaping her. You can only realize it and satisfy those needs that your ancestors failed to satisfy.
This is what a beloved is given for. But one that has in its DNA records of unmet needs similar to yours. Therefore, after the honeymoon of the relationship, times of discontent begin.
Figuratively speaking, invisible ancestors stand behind the awakened lovers and, rubbing their hands, say: “Well, dear ones! Cooed and woke me up! It’s time to deal with our problems!”
Will lovers have enough wisdom to satisfy the needs of their ancestors and begin their own happy life, depends on how they can solve the problem contained in the First Secret:
1. A man and a woman seek attention to themselves in a relationship. Any dissatisfaction in a relationship arises due to the fact that one of the parties does not receive enough attention from the partner.
It may seem that the relationship is failing due to the difficult character, bad habits, indecent actions of one or both partners, but if the partners give attention to each other, these reasons cannot lead to a breakup.
But when one partner stops giving attention to the other, then a battle begins in which all negative feelings have a place.
Men and women operate with attention differently. Thought taken from Yuri Subordin:
There are actually two attentions. The female form of attention, when a person fully listens to the interlocutor, i.e. without resistance he perceives the image conveyed to him by his interlocutor, and the male form of attention is involvement in some process. In this case, the person is completely involved and is not distracted by anything else.
A man longs for a woman to fully listen to him, open her mouth and agree with all his arguments. I accepted his information unconditionally. In other words, she showed him female form attention. This is roughly how a man expects a woman to always be ready to have sex with him.
And so that the woman listens to him, the man uses his technique of paying attention. He involves her (or those in whom he is interested) in the process of forming new impressions so that she (they) open up and begin to listen.
A man in a relationship always sets the direction, i.e. offers to show interest in something new, where, in his opinion, new impressions may arise and thereby they will begin to listen to him, for example:
Honey, let's go to the movies!
- Don’t you want to go to Antalya for a week?!
- Today the Pavlovs are inviting you to dinner, will you be ready by seven?
But it depends on the woman whether she will support the man’s initiatives. After all, she may refuse to listen to his proposals:
No, honey, these action movies bore me. I want to stay at home.
- What have I lost in this Turkey! There you always don’t know how to get away from their all-inclusiveness!
- Pavlovs? These boring intellectuals? Let them say thank you that we visit them at all!
A woman who does not support a man for a long time in his involvements becomes a source of discomfort for him and gradually he stops winning her attention.
A man who stops involving a woman in his sphere of interests and does not give her new impressions causes disappointment in her.
A woman considers a man weak who could not convince her to listen to him, a man considers a bitch a woman who is not involved in his proposals.
However, if attention and involvement have existed in the relationship between a man and a woman for at least some time, a connection arises that lives on its own and is the Second Secret.
2. Between a man and a woman there is a channel of relationship, a sensual connection.
When a relationship breaks down, the connection remains and causes suffering for one party and pumping energy for the other. While the connection exists, the partners alternately change the direction of energy movement along this channel. Consequently, sometimes one or the other feels either better or worse than their partner.Any relationship represents a certain process of energy exchange, and feelings, emotions, behavior patterns are a consequence of it.
The fact that a relationship can be imagined as a pipe between a man and a woman, through which feelings and emotions are pumped from one partner to another, greatly simplifies the explanation of why, when a relationship breaks up, one of the partners feels bad, while the other, as they say, gets lucky .
Communication, pipe, binding - call it what you want. It is not visible, but there is a feeling of discomfort. How can you not see the waves that come into your mobile phone, but the sound in the handset is reality.
Many of you have often experienced long, exhausting periods of poor health, when you wanted at least a little support from your partner in the form of an SMS, a call, or kind words.
But from there there was no sound, no movement.
And when do you hear rumors that your partner is lucky?! Resentment, revenge, the desire to tear and throw begin to boil inside!
What to do?
A) Realize that your connection is an independent unit of the Universe. Just like the pipe of your vacuum cleaner. There is a pipe and it is connected to you. The trumpet connection will always be looking for a moment to make itself known to you. To do this, the pipe will cause negative feelings and an outflow of energy.
b) Once you have realized it, use the pipe for its intended purpose one last time. Through it, take from your partner everything that belongs to you and give him everything that belongs to him. Thus, the need for a pipe will disappear. She will dissolve.
V) Thank your partner for being in your life. Give him a place in your heart.
With) Do you remember about Secret Zero? In this relationship, have you satisfied the needs of the ancestors? If not, then the same partner will take the place of this partner.
To prevent relationships from ending in rupture and suffering, you need to know about the Third Secret:
3. A man must divorce his mother before he decides to marry a woman.
A man always has his first woman. This is his mother.As a boy, he is attached to her for the first twelve years of his life. Then the connection weakens, but does it always break?
If a mother is a self-sufficient, mature person, she will easily let her son go into the world.
The mother hands her son into the hands of the father. Now the man is responsible for the man. This is how masculinity passes from father to son.
But these days things are not always so smooth.
Often the mother herself remains a little inner girl, full of fears and mistrust. And then she cannot trust her son to anyone. Not the father of the child, who may not be around for a long time, and especially not the girl who has her eye on the most precious thing in her life.
The mother does not give freedom to her son, she decides everything for him. If only she knew that she was turning him into a Loser with her own hands!
But she doesn’t want to know this - she is a Mother and loves her little blood more than anyone else!
Subconsciously, she wants to be needed and in demand, at least by him, because she feels like a complete Insignificance. And raises his own kind.
So what! - she will say. - As long as I am alive, he will be under my protection and fully provided for.
I just want to ask: And when you are gone, will he also follow you to another world?
Moms, please, the country needs men! Let them go - let them become Men! Love them for real, and not out of fear for your tearful Inner child.
Moms, so that the man stays in mature age in your charge’s condition, or worse.” psychological husband”, he will have to drink. Only there, in a binge, will he be able to fulfill your parental message: “Don’t grow up!”
Men, don't get married until you divorce your mother. All the same, your mother, as the “first and legitimate” one, will separate you from your wife.
After a man divorces his mother and, according to the Bible, his wife cleaves to him, what is hidden in the Fourth Mystery will arise:
4. A woman will always want to deprive a man of his masculinity so that someone else won’t get it.
Masculinity is the ability to penetrate into the unknown, into a world where nothing is yet known and where order must be created. The Universe has placed this responsibility on men, forcing them to expand their masculinity by overcoming obstacles and unlocking the mysteries of nature.A man must get involved in something new, master this new thing and bring booty and knowledge to the feet of his woman. Wife or mother. (Let's assume that our man is already divorced and is bringing trophies to his wife).
This is how his masculinity grows.
And what about his woman? She is the Universe that wants to be explored by her man. She either reveals herself to him or hides some of her secrets in order to arouse his interest in a new knowledge of herself.
And when he wants to start studying another universe, then first bewilderment arises in it, and then resentment: “How? You haven't gotten to know me yet! How can you study anything else? I can’t forgive you for this!”
Seeing his purpose - to learn new things, she offers him her “ perfect solution”:
STAY AT HOME AND HUNT, LEARN FROM HERE!
So she deprives him of his masculinity, because now he cannot refuse her - there will be a scandal: “How? Do you want to cheat on me? Then get lost for good!”
He agrees to stay close and slowly becomes her son, and she becomes his mother.
Their sexual relations are fading away, but for her the main thing has been achieved - there is someone nearby who will always study and serve her Universe.
What is the way out of this stalemate? He is in the Fifth Secret:
5. A man grows in status only on the love of his woman. He has two of these women: his mother and his wife. If a man does not grow in status, it means there is no love for him.
What do all people want? That's right, development, growth!Growth in human Everyday life looks like a transition from one status to another.
For example: a schoolboy wants to become a student, a student wants to become a rich man, a rich man wants to leave his name in history (as a historical figure). The girl wants to become a wife, the wife wants to shine with pride and happiness for herself, her children and her husband.
To grow in status, you need resources, you need support. Who provides this support? The one who believes is the one who loves!
When a couple cannot move from their status to a higher rank for a long time, for example, for a long time it is impossible to save up to expand their living space, this means that the man, as a breadwinner and hunter, does not have enough strength. He needs support.
He can only get support from a woman who, through the power of her faith, will show him that he is strong and cool.
A man is not stronger than a woman. A man becomes stronger when he is allowed to feel strong woman.
The woman is not weaker than men. She just understands that her man needs to feel like a hero when he travels through the vastness of her as yet unexplored universe.
A woman is ready to give a man energy so that he becomes involved with his attention to her person, to her interests. A woman gives energy, let me remind you, through her attention and feeling of love for a man.
With her love, he feels stronger and has the opportunity to grow in status in order to pass this status on to his woman (or mother).
As soon as a woman stops giving attention and love to a man, his growth in status stops. You can blame a man a lot for his lack of height and money, but the reason is a woman who does not give him love.
Find out what love is from the Sixth Secret:
6. Love is the desire to develop your partner. If your partner does not want your development, he does not love you.
Very often we hear the following statements: “Why do you need these books, trainings, seminars? Stay at home, take care of the children!”What does the person saying this want to say? He asks to give him Attention.
If he receives a lot of Attention, but still continues to keep his partner in a “golden cage,” then he does not want growth and development for his loved one.
Why then are these people around?
Because it is beneficial for both of them to remain wounded children and play the role of their dissatisfied ancestors:
One is the victim, the other is the executioner. One is insignificance, the other is superior.
The one of the two who is in the position on top, in the position of superiority, is the more wounded, but hides this truth from himself. His strategy: in order not to feel your pain, you have to be cooler than others. Rising above the victims, I will not notice that I myself am as wretched as they are.
This strategy leads him to the decision not to give his partner the opportunity to develop, otherwise the partner will escape from his slavery.
He will wake up, see that the path to freedom is open and run away!
But growth cannot be stopped, and then slowly, little by little, through his role as an executioner, a tyrant, the partner begins to independently, within the created “golden cage,” pull out his wounded Inner children from his victim. The process is painful and it is contained in the Seventh Secret:
7. A man serves a woman with every action he takes, even negative ones: drunkenness, idleness, beatings. A man is a woman’s mirror, which reflects everything that she does not want to know about herself.
Even in the most difficult relationships, in the so-called dysfunctional families, man and woman serve each other. They are a mirror of what they don’t want to admit in themselves.Two people are always together as long as they have something to give each other. And perhaps they give each other pain, humiliation, suffering. But they don't separate. And there is only one reason: the history of our ancestors.
Two people repeat the story of their ancestors, showing their love not for a partner, but for an ancestor: a grandmother, great-grandfather, or a mother’s aborted child.
If you do not disagree with someone who does not develop you and makes you suffer, you, thanks to your tyrant, will gradually realize and extract from yourself those wounded Inner children who were created during the lives of your ancestors.
It’s a pity, but it’s true... Thank the tyrant, because his family has the same stories as yours. That's why you are a couple.
Two people fight for love, but they can only win if they know the Eighth Secret:
8. For a man to defeat a woman, he needs to win the battle in her eyes; for a woman to defeat a man, she needs to lose to him.
The Taoists said: “A woman is wide, and a man is deep.”This means that a woman feels good when she can open her soul wide, wide, and for this she needs to allow herself to trust the world, accept it, without wanting changes.
This state happens in a field, when you lie on the grass and let in the sky, the sun, the air, the grass, the goosebumps and the sun. And all, all, all.
Feminine energy flows horizontally, it is like the Earth.
A masculine energy vertical, and a man feels great when, towering like a strong tree, his roots penetrate deep into the ground.
Man eats from feminine energy like a tree feeds from the earth.
In a relationship, if a woman rises above a man, she feels victory, but in the end she loses because a tree underground means an earthquake.
At these moments, the woman shakes like mountains during tremors and she feels deeply hidden anxiety. With each victory over the tree men, anxiety grows and this causes fatigue. Victories are no longer pleasing, because no one has wanted to settle on this land for a long time.
There are always few inhabitants in the mountains, and they all ended up there for one reason: once upon a time their ancestors fled from mortal danger into these mountain gorges so that no one would find them there. So their descendants became highlanders. I am a mountaineer myself, so I can say this.
A woman who loses to a man is always a winner. Her energy is calm and flat. Many people join its territory and life becomes more and more diverse.
Such a woman has many friends and helpers, because she does not shake with her energy those who decide to approach her open spaces.
Now she is ready for new growth, which is revealed in the Ninth Secret:
9. A man dreams of turning his woman into a Queen, and a woman dreams of a ready-made King.
A woman is always looking for a Male Teacher who can help her know herself. Her boundless Universe needs a person who will not pass by its most diverse phenomena and will be able to include all of it. female conditions: Girl, Mistress, Lover and Queen.Only the King is capable of this, and therefore she needs a strong man who has grown above his childhood fears and calmed the spirits of his ancestors.
And a man wants to be a woman’s creator, he is ready to create a Queen out of his woman himself, and that is why he so jealously listens to her words that she would like to learn somewhere, but not from him.
To turn a man into a King, a woman should give him royal attention and respectfully acknowledge his services to her.
For example: “Beloved, everything I have is only thanks to you. You give me everything that makes me happy! Thank you for having me! I want to give you even more love so that you can achieve your wonderful goals easier and faster. You are very strong and courageous! You are the King, next to whom everyone feels good and free! Please let me feel like a Queen not only in your presence, but also in the company of other women! Let everyone see what kind of me you have!”
The speech may be long or it may be short, but it must be based on recognition happy woman to your King. Let him feel higher and stronger, but is a strong Sovereign afraid to give his citizens freedom?
He is the King, and a woman who creates in a man the state of a realized King is always happy and lives in harmony and abundance.
Every man understands this and in order to feel like a King, he must know the Tenth Secret:
10. A man must understand that his intonations affect a woman’s condition. After all, she loves with her ears. Therefore, a man must be able to love with his voice, taking care of his intonations.
Strong man, The king is the one who can understand the feelings of a woman. Feelings are not words. They are like leaves in the wind. They are shaking from the strong wind.An ordinary man does not even imagine that his words and intonations are the wind that can frighten a woman. A woman can be so scared that she will hide and deny a man attention.
And without her Attention, he stops growing in status.
Therefore, the King knows that the softer his voice, the faster his success.
The king gives warmth. The King is the Sun man, and the Queen is a flower enjoying the Sun and the gentle breeze that blows from his lips!
The petals of the flower exude aroma and spread the song of love around the world: “The man of my dreams is a man like you!”
The psychology of friendship between a man and a woman is the most mysterious question; for many years psychologists have been trying to determine whether such friendship exists? Let's take a closer look at the features of opposite-sex friendships, how to establish and maintain such friendly relations? Why do friendly feelings arise between a man and a woman, what contributes to their creation?
Features of friendship between a man and a woman
Friendship between a man and a woman raises conflicting opinions, some people believe in its possibility, others do not, and girls are more inclined to such relationships, and guys understand that it is difficult to maintain such friendship, love is likely to arise.
Why do girls like to be friends with guys, what are the benefits of such communication?
- Men think objectively and can help with advice in solving a situation.
- Men are sincere in their expressions, inspire trust, and are not inclined to compete with women.
- The guys are always attentive and courteous with the girls, allowing them to be the center of attention.
- Reliable in friendship - obligatory, always ready to help, focused more on action than reasoning.
- Friendly communication helps in the future in building love relationship, promotes self-knowledge and understanding of the opposite sex, characteristics, differences.
- Good friend can give advice from male point perspective, help to look at the situation differently.
- Men are more truthful in their assessments, do not show envy, can sincerely rejoice at achievements, and appreciate new outfit, make a compliment.
- For a young girl, communication with guys is of great importance and contributes to the growth of self-esteem.
- Communication with men is more interesting - it allows you to look at the world differently, new topics for conversation arise, and your range of interests expands.
Consequently, for girls and women, friendships with the opposite sex bring a lot of positive things, and you should be confident in choosing friends and attentive in choosing company.
What are the reasons for guys' friendship with girls?
- IN adolescence influence is increasing hormonal levels, there is interest in opposite sex, unconscious attraction.
- Girls are sensitive, they can understand, show attention and care.
- It is pleasant to be in the company of girls; men like to feel women’s attention, support, and positive assessments.
- The desire to impress the opposite sex.
- The desire to know girls, the characteristics of their behavior, thoughts, the desire to receive friendly advice from them.
Usually guys prefer men's companies for friendship, but in adolescence more often female and male groups intersect and mixed ones are formed. There is more and more interest in each other. At this stage, friendship is more of a preparation for love.
Are there friendly feelings without intimate overtones? The psychology of friendship between a man and a woman gives such friendship a special status - it is not just friendship and not love, but rather an average. When people are just friends and communicate, there is a feeling whether it is a girl or a man, which evokes special feelings. We are opposite in our inner essence, like fire and water, earth and sky, it is the differences that cause a strong attraction between men and women.
Psychology of love, love is friendship, how to distinguish friendship from falling in love? - a question that haunts many young people. Communication can be fun, but where is the line that symbolizes falling in love?
Let's try to identify the main differences:
- love arises like a flash of lightning, a discovery, a sudden feeling, and friendly attitude- the result of long communication, a series of meetings, joint activities;
- love does not have special levels, it exists as a given, it is difficult not to notice, friendly affection has different levels - weak, strong, there may be acquaintances or real friends;
- love- this passion, and therefore suffering, presupposes ecstasy and high joy from meetings, but also the torment of separations and experiences. Friendly feelings are not associated with experiences, but are rather aimed at the joy of communication;
- love happens one-sided without an answer, and friendly interaction is usually a mutual process - communication, mutual sympathy, desire to help difficult situations;
- prone to idealization, a person is real and at the same time becomes special, the best in the world, in friendship we really evaluate a friend, we see objectively;
- in friendship it is important to feel the understanding of a friend and to feel the similarity of views; in love, a person is constantly looking for answers - is there reciprocity or not, do they love me;
- fair and demanding to a lesser extent, love is madness, constant worries, thoughts, even having found reciprocity, a person often feels ups and downs of joy in moments of separation and worries.
The psychology of friendship between a man and a woman allows us to understand that friendly feelings are more humane, tuned to the mutual joy of communication, and are useful for both men and women, but we remember about nature. If you want to maintain friendship and not move to the stage of love, you should follow the recommendations of psychologists:
- Remind them periodically that you are just friends.
I share sports. Mixed-sex friendships have their advantages and disadvantages. Main question: how do people perceive these relationships, what do they invest in them, do they see each other as friends or hope for more? - Do not use flirting in communication, transparent hints about the closeness of the relationship.
- Do not play family with a person - joint purchases, repairs and other similar matters.
- Try to maintain distance; too active communication can turn on other mechanisms.
- Let them know that you are not looking for love or that the place in your heart is occupied.
The psychology of friendship between a man and a woman determines: such friendly feelings arise as a result of joint activities - general work, team, hobby, interest activities. You can take courses, learn foreign languages, and play sports together. Mixed-sex friendships have their advantages and disadvantages. The main question is: how do people perceive these relationships, what do they invest in them, do they see each other as friends or hope for more?
Friendship and sex
The modern world has become more pragmatic, not everyone needs real feelings, there are young people who are simply interested in a partner for a relationship. The expression “friendship sex” also appeared. What does this mean and is such interaction possible without feelings of love? Initially, friendly communication excludes intimacy, and its presence indicates greater intimacy. How to perceive this trend?
There are 3 options for the development of events:
- casual sex with a friend- drinking, partying, got carried away and this is the result. What to do next? Forget and remain friends or become a couple, move to the next level of close communication;
- friendship for sex- this is a search for a temporary partner to enjoy life; often people feel uncomfortable being alone, and this simplified version meetings without obligations;
- friendship+sex- the relationship is based on friendly feelings, but there is also a conscious desire to receive physical release, the rules of the game are established - no obligations, dates continue until the moment of meeting true love, can last, according to observations, up to 10 meetings, then falling in love occurs or one of the partners leaves for another person.
Of course, such relationships seem cynical or vulgar, less sublime than love, but they take place in modern world, while “sex for friendship” is a big risk - it’s difficult to meet a true friend, and close intimate communication can ruin a wonderful friendship. It all depends on people, moral principles, life values, priorities.
Friendship between a man and a woman is a reality
Psychologists have found that friendship between a man and a woman exists, which is confirmed by social surveys among the population - 61% of respondents believe in opposite-sex friendships, 31% do not. However, the line is quite shaky and friendly communication is possible under certain circumstances:
- friends have partners, lovers;
- there is no intimate interest, there has already been an affair, friendly feelings remain;
marriage by married couples. - there is a mutual desire to maintain communication at the level of friendship;
- friendly communication between married couples.
How to perceive when there is a friendship between a man and married woman or girls with married man? Of course, not all spouses approve of friends of the opposite sex, for fear of losing their loved ones. The essence of the issue is deeper - when a close friend arises, in addition to the spouse, there is Great chance- there is no spiritual closeness and understanding in the family, which creates the basis for friendly relations.
A friend compensates for the lack of communication and mutual understanding by playing the role of a congenial person, loved one. Such attachments often arise on the basis of common interests - music, literature, foreign languages. People are united by common views on life, values, and worldview.
It is worth remembering: if a person is sociable and wants to communicate with a large circle of friends, this is normal, but close friend - warning sign for a couple. Such interaction in the event of difficulties with a loved one can become an order of magnitude closer. Often there is sympathy between friends, but they try to keep a distance from what is permitted, maintaining the boundaries of independence from feelings.
The psychology of friendship between men and women focuses on Special attention the issue of friendship transformation. Love after friendship is a fairly common scenario. Friendly feelings presuppose trust, respect, and mutual assistance. The friendship stage can be a preparation for love and serves as an excellent foundation for establishing strong family relations. After all, to create a strong union you need friendship, love, passion, respect, understanding. A close friend can know a person quite well and understand him perfectly. Often close friends can be a wonderful couple, but are afraid to upset the existing balance.
As we see, love after friendship is quite possible and develops well on the basis of friendly feelings, the main thing is that it is mutual and desired, then the probability of a successful development of events is high.
Benefits of love after friendship:
- lovers never get bored, have a great time together, have common interests;
- the partner knows secrets, feels and understands the loved one perfectly;
- the beloved is already known to friends and family, so those around them perceive the newly created couple well, usually support and rejoice;
- the beloved knows the positive and negative sides partner, is calm about shortcomings;
- a person perceives a partner naturally, there is no need to embellish oneself externally or attribute special qualities;
- similar pairs are easy to find mutual language, have an excellent level of mutual understanding.
Negative points:
- if the connection is broken, there is a high probability of losing a friend,
All our actions, words and thoughts come from the state. Whatever we do, whatever we say, if our state does not correspond to our words and actions, nothing will work out between a guy and a girl. There will be no attraction or love between them because they are not natural, open and sincere with each other and with themselves first and foremost.
Is our condition depends on our perception of the world, oneself and those beliefs that we have. All this is called the level of consciousness. Our freedom is determined by our inner beliefs, by how we perceive people.
The level of consciousness (vibrations) is how aware a person is of himself and the surrounding reality. This is how much he depends or does not depend on everything that happens in his life, and how free and happy he feels at a constant natural level without any external stimulation to raise his condition.
The level of consciousness is how much we understand ourselves, the feelings and desires that are present in us, and how we perceive the surrounding reality.
Our state comes from our level of consciousness
When a guy meets a girl, they communicate with each other, all that matters and determines the outcome of an acquaintance is their level of consciousness.
An insufficiently aware person doesn’t know who he is, what he does, and why he reacts to everything that happens in his life.
No need to react to the outside world. Regardless of him, have your desires and feelings.
People are attracted at the vibration level
To get rejected, you need to offer something. Without offering yourself, a person cannot reject you. "I" always comes out. Men try to offer themselves externally to a woman because he likes this person externally.
Trying to please a woman, a man seems to be trying to sell himself– this is already unattractive. A man should approach just like that, without internal intentions. Just chat. Communication is not dating. To get to know a person, you have to find out if they are interesting to you on the inside.
Needy energy and vibrations are unattractive and everyone will turn away from them.
Raise the level of consciousness - strive for fulfillment, love, develop.
Why is there sometimes no love?
When a guy and a girl simply surrender to the flow of communication, dialogue, everything will happen absolutely by itself. Attraction and love at first sight between them appears on its own.
Those guy and girl who forcibly tried to communicate and maintain contact with each other, and this did not happen by itself, then these people aren't really interested in each other.
The phrase that “opposites attract” is a complete lie. It's simple vanilla phrase.
In fact, very similar people fall in love with each other.
A man and a woman in love are very similar to each other at the vibration level. They see themselves in each other, they are very similar, they have similar hobbies, passions, tastes, and therefore love arises between them.
This is the main reason why people fall in love with each other.
If the people in a couple are very different:girl and guy are different perception of the world, they can often quarrel, swear, and cannot find a common language.
They just have different levels of awareness. In this case, either the guy is not sincere towards himself, he clings to the girl’s appearance and sees only beauty in her and neglects his personal boundaries, or the girl makes such mistakes.
There is no talk of any love between a man and a woman here. The relationship was built incorrectly from the beginning. There can't even be any relationship here.
Read more about how to build correctly harmonious and happy relationship.
By taking care of yourself, you raise your vibrations
By taking care of yourself, you raise your level of consciousness and the level of consciousness of the people you attract. A man, having increased his level of awareness and knowledge of himself, will be in love with the same women. It's the same with the girl. As a result, there will be interest in oneself, but there will be no sincere interest in many people.
Having increased your level of consciousness, you are no longer ready for meaningless communication.
Now, for example, I am not interested in many girls. I can't communicate normally with girls I don't like. I'm talking not only about appearance, but also about the level of awareness.
No matter how I try to communicate with a girl below the level of awareness, I immediately feel tension, some kind of effort. If I don't like a girl, I DO NOT enjoy being with her.. All I can feel when communicating with a girl I don’t like is a greater and greater desire to leave, to leave her, a feeling of rejection. I feel like I'm wasting my time. In my eyes she has no value, I'm bored with her. I'm losing my taste, I can feel her and even know what she's thinking and it doesn't resonate with me at all. The girl also understands and feels all this perfectly. We cannot have any attraction and no love.
They found each other at first sight
I haven't seen this movie. But in this excerpt of the video, you can see how the main character’s passion and love at first sight for the woman flared up, and he passionately began to kiss her.
There are women who are attracted solely on a soul level.
If the level of vibrations of a man and a woman coincides, this is mutual love at first sight. They look at each other and already understand everything. The dating process is completely eliminated! In these cases, the stage of dating, communication, kissing, etc. happens absolutely easily. Their fun manifests itself on another level - subtle communication, silence, glances, touches.
Love at first sight happens, and then there is no need to say anything. The guy and the girl feel each other feel this mutual feeling.
If a guy and a girl have the same vibration level, they will be completely project the real you, without a single filter, without falsehood, without arrogance, then such people fall in love and are attracted at the snap of a finger.
Everything that needs to be done for a man to be in love with a woman of the same level of awareness - it's just being open to it and have no idea to strain or do something he doesn't want to do.
Having high level consciousness, 99 people out of 100 will not be interesting to you. Simply because they live by desires, fears, limitations, believing that experiences are normal. They have a low level of awareness.
But for a man to meet that same woman with the same level of consciousness, also at the right moment you should not be afraid to say what you want and not be afraid of your intentions. The love of a guy and a girl is always built on sincerity.
By changing the level of consciousness, the environment changes. It changes at the same speed as you develop. You are attracted by vibration level with your friends. This works the same for girls and guys.
How people find each other
To attract more harmonious and happy people into your life wise, open, positive, independent, you need: 
- Raise your vibration level(consciousness).
- Engage in self-exploration.
- You need to let go of limiting beliefs.
A man must realize the futility of techniques and methods for attracting women.
If the girl has a higher level of awareness than the guy, you can have a good time together! The guy just needs concentrate on your condition, be your best self, continue to develop.
Any voltage and trying not to be yourself is punishable! Punishable by your own condition and the reactions of the people with whom you communicate.
By not being yourself, you attract people who are not attractive to you.. And vice versa.
If you are, for example, at level 60 out of 100 and try to be at a level higher or lower, you force other people not understanding your intentions, not understanding you, having mixed feelings. You give off mixed vibrations. The way you feel and behave is not in congruence with each other.
If a man meets a woman who is truly on his level, but he believes that he should be on a different level, he will not attract this woman!
In fact, they might be interested in each other, and they might like each other.
Because of stupidity, a man can limit himself in communicating with women, because he does not know how people fall in love and how attraction is created, he does not increase his level of awareness and does not work on himself.
In our new article you can find out all the secrets of how attraction is built for a guy.
To be liked, you have to stop trying., go out of your way, and men and women need to stop trying not to be themselves. Be who you are at home when alone. Who you are will attract the opposite sex. 
Hiding your own vibrations leads to the fact that you do not attract the person you like. Because you are not yourself. It is because of this that people think that everything in life is complicated, that relationships are hard. People usually make life difficult for themselves and limit themselves.
By being yourself, you attract the person you attract., and there's nothing you can do about it.
Be calm and emotionally stable. Don't feel bad when people judge you. You don't have to depend on it. Be in harmony with yourself, and then the man will attract the same woman. And vice versa - a woman will attract the same man.
Now you know everything about how people find each other and why we fall in love.
