In modern practice family education Three styles (types) of relationships are quite clearly distinguished: authoritarian, democratic and permissive attitude of parents towards their children.
The authoritarian style of parents in relations with children is characterized by severity, exactingness, and categoricalness. Threats, prodding, coercion are the main means of this style. In children it causes a feeling of fear and insecurity. Psychologists say that this leads to internal resistance, which manifests itself externally in rudeness, deceit, and hypocrisy. Parental demands cause either protest and aggressiveness, or ordinary apathy and passivity.
In the authoritarian type of parent-child relationship, A. S. Makarenko identified two varieties, which he called “the authority of suppression” and “the authority of distance and swagger.” He considered the authority of suppression to be the most terrible and savage type of authority. Cruelty and terror are the main features of this attitude of parents (usually fathers) towards children. Always keeping children in fear is the main principle of despotic relationships. This inevitably leads to raising children who are weak-willed, cowardly, lazy, downtrodden, “slush,” embittered, vindictive and, often, selfish.
The authority of distance and conceit is manifested in the fact that parents, either “for educational purposes” or due to current circumstances, try to be away from their children - “so that they can amuse themselves.” Contacts with children of such parents are extremely rare; they entrusted upbringing to their grandparents. Parents do not want to lose their prestige in the eyes of their children, but they get the opposite: the child’s alienation begins, and with it comes disobedience and difficulty in educating.
The liberal style presupposes forgiveness and tolerance in relations with children. The source is excessive parental love. Children grow up undisciplined and irresponsible. A. S. Makarenko calls the permissive type of relationship “the authority of love.” Its essence lies in indulging the child, in the pursuit of child affection by showing excessive affection and permissiveness. In their desire to win a child, parents do not notice that they are raising an egoist, a hypocritical, calculating person who knows how to “play along” with people. This, one might say, is a socially dangerous way of relating to children. A. S. Makarenko called teachers who show such forgiveness towards a child “pedagogical beasts” who carry out the most stupid, most immoral type of relationship.
The democratic style is characterized by flexibility. Parents, motivating their actions and demands, listen to the opinions of their children, respect their position, and develop independent judgment. As a result, children understand their parents better and grow up to be reasonably obedient, proactive, and with a developed sense of self-esteem. They see in parents an example of citizenship, hard work, honesty and the desire to raise children as they themselves are.
Methods of raising children in the family
The ways (methods) by which the purposeful pedagogical influence of parents on the consciousness and behavior of children is carried out do not differ from general methods of education, but have their own specifics:
The influence on the child is individual, based on specific actions and tailored to the individual.
The choice of methods depends on the pedagogical culture of the parents: understanding of the purpose of education, parental role, ideas about values, style of relationships in the family, etc.
Therefore, family education methods bear a vivid imprint of the personality of their parents and are inseparable from them. How many parents - so many varieties of methods. For example, some parents’ persuasion is a gentle suggestion, while others have a threat, a scream. When a family's relationship with children is close, warm, and friendly, the main method is encouragement. In cold, alienated relationships, severity and punishment naturally prevail. The methods are very dependent on the educational priorities set by the parents: some want to instill obedience - therefore the methods are aimed at ensuring that the child flawlessly fulfills the demands of adults; others consider it more important to teach independent thinking and initiative and usually find appropriate methods for this.
All parents use common methods of family education: persuasion (explanation, suggestion, advice), personal example, encouragement (praise, gifts, interesting prospects for children), punishment (deprivation of pleasures, refusal of friendship, corporal punishment). In some families, on the advice of teachers, educational situations are created and used.
There are various means of solving educational problems in the family. Among them are the word, folklore, parental authority, labor, teaching, nature, home life, national customs, traditions, public opinion, spiritual and family climate, press, radio, television, daily routine, literature, museums and exhibitions, games and toys, demonstrations, physical education, sports, holidays, symbols, attributes, relics, etc. .
The choice and application of parenting methods is based on a number of general conditions:
Parents’ knowledge of their children, their positive and negative qualities: what they read, what they are interested in, what assignments they carry out, what difficulties they experience, what relationships they have with classmates and teachers, with adults and with younger people, what they value most in people, etc. . d. Seemingly simple information, but 41% of parents do not know what books their children read, 48% - what films they watch, 67% - what music they like; More than half of parents cannot say anything about their children's hobbies. Only 10% of students answered that their families know where they go, who they meet, and who their friends are. According to sociological research (1997), 86% of young offenders behind bars responded that their parents did not control their late returns home.
Personal experience of parents, their authority, the nature of family relationships, desire to educate personal example also affect the choice of methods. This group of parents usually chooses visual methods and uses teaching relatively more often.
If parents prefer joint activities, then practical methods usually prevail. Intensive communication during joint work, watching TV, hiking, walking gives good results: children are more frank, and this helps parents understand them better. If there is no joint activity, there is no reason or opportunity for communication.
The pedagogical culture of parents has a decisive influence on the choice of methods, means, and forms of education. It has long been noted that in families of educated people, children are always better brought up. Consequently, learning pedagogy, mastering the secrets of educational influence is not a luxury at all, but a practical necessity. “The pedagogical knowledge of parents is especially important during the period when the father and mother are the only educators of their child... From the ages of two to six years mental development“, the spiritual life of children depends decisively on... the elementary pedagogical culture of the mother and father, which is expressed in a wise understanding of the most complex mental movements of a developing person,” wrote V. A. Sukhomlinsky.
Methods of raising children in the family are the ways through which the purposeful pedagogical influence of parents on the consciousness and behavior of children is carried out.
They have their own specifics:
The influence on the child is individual, based on specific actions and adaptations to the individual;
The choice of methods depends on the pedagogical culture of the parents: understanding of the goals of education, parental role, ideas about values, style of relationships in the family, etc.
Therefore, methods of family education bear a vivid imprint of the personality of the parents and are inseparable from them. How many parents - so many varieties of methods.
The choice and application of parenting methods are based on a number of general conditions.
1) Parents’ knowledge of their children, their positive and negative qualities: what they read, what they are interested in, what assignments they carry out, what difficulties they experience, etc.;
3) If parents prefer joint activities, then practical methods usually prevail.
4) Pedagogical culture parents have a decisive influence on the choice of methods, means, and forms of education. It has long been noticed that in families of teachers and educated people, children are always better brought up.
Acceptable methods of education are as follows:
1) Conviction. This is a complex and difficult method. It must be used carefully, thoughtfully, and remember that every word, even one accidentally dropped, is convincing. Parents, wise from the experience of family education, are distinguished precisely by the fact that they know how to make demands on their children without shouting and without panic. They have the secret of a comprehensive analysis of the circumstances, causes and consequences of children’s actions, and predict the children’s possible responses to their actions. One phrase, said at the right time, at the right moment, can be more effective than a moral lesson. Persuasion is a method in which the teacher appeals to the consciousness and feelings of children. Conversations with them and explanations are far from the only means of persuasion. I am convinced by the book, the movie, and the radio; Painting and music convince in their own way, which, like all types of art, acting on the senses, teach us to live “according to the laws of beauty.” A good example plays a big role in persuasion. And here the behavior of the parents themselves is of great importance. Children, especially preschool and younger school age, tend to imitate both good and bad deeds. The way parents behave, the way children learn to behave. Finally, children are convinced by their own experience.
2) Requirement. There is no education without demands. Already, parents make very specific and categorical demands on a preschooler. He has job responsibilities, and he is required to fulfill them, while performing the following actions:
Gradually increase the complexity of your child's responsibilities;
Exercise control without ever relinquishing it;
When a child needs help, provide it; this is a reliable guarantee that he will not develop the experience of disobedience.
The main form of presenting demands on children is an order. It should be given in a categorical, but at the same time, calm, balanced tone. Parents should not be nervous, scream, or angry. If the father or mother is excited about something, then it is better to refrain from making a demand for now.
The demand presented must be feasible for the child. If a father sets an impossible task for his son, then it is clear that it will not be completed. If this happens more than once or twice, then very favorable soil is formed for cultivating the experience of disobedience. And one more thing: if the father gave an order or forbade something, then the mother should neither cancel nor allow what he forbade. And, of course, vice versa.
3) Encouragement (approval, praise, trust, joint games and walks, financial incentives). Approval is widely used in the practice of family education. An approving remark is not praise, but simply confirmation that it was done well and correctly. The person who has correct behavior still in its infancy, it really needs approval, because it confirms the correctness of its actions and behavior. Approval is more often applied to children younger age, still poorly versed in what is good and what is bad, and therefore especially in need of assessment. There is no need to skimp on approving remarks and gestures. But here too, try not to overdo it. We often observe direct protest against approving remarks.
4) Praise is the teacher’s expression of satisfaction with certain actions and deeds of the student. Like approval, it should not be verbose, but sometimes one word “Well done!” still not enough. Parents should be wary of the misdirection of praise negative role, because excessive praise is also very harmful. Trusting children means showing them respect. Trust, of course, needs to be balanced with the capabilities of age and individuality, but you should always try to make sure that children do not feel mistrust. If parents tell a child “You are incorrigible”, “You cannot be trusted with anything,” then this weakens his will and slows down the development of feelings. self-esteem. It is impossible to teach good things without trust.
When choosing incentive measures, you need to take into account age, individual characteristics, degree of education, as well as the nature of actions and deeds that are the basis for encouragement.
5) Punishment. The pedagogical requirements for the application of punishments are as follows:
Respect for children;
Subsequence. The power and effectiveness of punishments are greatly reduced if they are used frequently, so one should not be wasteful in punishments;
Accounting for age and individual characteristics, level of education. For the same act, for example, for being rude to elders, one cannot equally punish a junior schoolchild and a young man, the one who committed a rude act due to misunderstanding and who did it intentionally;
Justice. You cannot punish “rashly.” Before imposing a penalty, it is necessary to find out the reasons and motives for the action. Unfair punishments embitter, disorient children, and sharply worsen their attitude towards their parents;
Correspondence between negative action and punishment;
Hardness. If a punishment is declared, it should not be canceled unless it is shown to be unfair;
Collective nature of punishment. This means that all family members take part in raising each child.
Question proper upbringing Children in a family are asked sooner or later by every parent. Moreover, it is very important to choose the right approach and methods to make the child feel comfortable in the education process. In this article we will talk about the basic methods of education, as well as possible problems that may arise when communicating with a child.
Methods of raising children in the family
The methods by which children are raised within the family are basically no different from traditional pedagogical methods of education, however, they still have their own characteristics. For example, it is necessary to take into account that the influence of parents on a child should be purely individual and based on specific actions. The choice of educational methods in most cases depends on the pedagogical and social culture of the child’s parents. They must clearly understand the purpose of education, their role in the formation of a future personality, and also have an adequate system of values and ideas about education.
The main condition for proper upbringing of children is a warm, pleasant and comfortable atmosphere in the family for the child. Avoid quarrels and expressing negative emotions in front of children; if a child disobeys, do not use force or yell at him. Also, the choice of method depends on the priorities set by the parents in education: some want to instill obedience, so the technique is aimed at developing obedience and fulfilling all the demands of adults, while others would like to teach their child independent thinking and taking initiative, for which there is a separate group of methods.
There are the following general methods of raising children in a family:
1. Conviction, which includes explanation, suggestion, advice, personal example of parents.
2. Encouragement (praise, gifts, interesting prospects for children)
3. Punishment (deprivation of pleasures, refusal of friendship, corporal punishment). This method of education is the least suitable for the healthy development of a child.
Problems raising children in the family
When raising children in a family, the following problems may arise:
1. The predominance of material values over spiritual ones in rich families. These false values are instilled in the child by parents from birth.
2. Psychological problems parents and the lack of spirituality of parents who should set an example for their children.
4. Heavy psychological climate in family.
5. Psychological pressure, physical punishment of children by parents, etc.
Remember that the method you choose to raise your child will definitely affect the development of his personality in the strongest possible way!
How to raise children correctly? This question worries many parents. Only irresponsible and careless families can be included in the exception.
It is important not only to educate correctly, but also to choose suitable method for this. Well, what can we say about the problems that arise in the process of education? Next - about educational methods and possible difficulties.
Ways to raise children
There are few differences between methods of raising a child in a family and pedagogical measures, but they also have their own characteristics. Therefore, it is necessary to take into account the individual influence of parents on children. It must come from specific actions. Parents must be aware of the purpose of education and have an idea about it in order to form a developed personality.
The main thing for a child is a warm atmosphere in the family. Therefore, parents should express their feelings less negative emotions in front of children. If a child disobeys, do not immediately raise your voice and use force.
Educational priorities play an important role in choosing a particular method. There are parents who want to foster independence in their child, and for them there are their own methods of education. Others try to develop obedience in the child, and therefore use their own methods to achieve this goal.
General methods of raising a child in a family include encouragement, persuasion and punishment. The first method is to give gifts, praise for a good action or deed, etc. Conviction is based on suggestion, personal example, the right advice, explaining the bad and the good. The third method - punishment - involves corporal punishment, deprivation of pleasures, etc.
Even if you think you have chosen The right way, difficulties cannot be ruled out. So, for example, in wealthy families Most often, the child is instilled with values that are called material values. Unspiritual parents will not be able to set the right example for their children. If adults are strictly authoritarian or do not punish their child at all, then they will not be able to raise the right personality. Pressure on the psyche of children and the use of physical force will also not lead to anything good. Therefore, take the choice of upbringing method with full responsibility, because it will affect the personality of your child.
Persuasion as a way of education
A child's consciousness can be influenced through persuasion. It allows one to form views through knowledge of the facts of life. These ideas are either fixed in the child’s mind, or he learns new things and expands his worldview.
Parents can form certain views by using dialogue . This form of persuasion is saturated useful information, which is transmitted from adult to child. With the help of dialogue, you can not only communicate, but also raise children in the right context.
Another form of persuasion is dispute . A child and an adult can always argue on a topic that worries them. The clash of different opinions helps to acquire new knowledge and vision of the world. Through debate, you can solve some educational problems. Children learn to defend their opinions, analyze facts, and convince people. The debate must take place in game form. This is by no means an ordinary domestic quarrel.
At the same time, the method of persuasion cannot be used exclusively in education. It is not right. It is most appropriate to use it in conjunction with training. Persuasion will be more effective if the child is confident in the parent’s erudition.
Reviewing the Basics of Behavior
The exercise method is not only constant repetition, but also the improvement of behavior patterns. It can be implemented through an order. With this method, children not only gain experience, but also expand it.
The effect of the exercise is achieved for quite a long time. To more effectively influence a child, it is best to use it together with persuasion. The group activities used in the exercise will be really fun for children if you explain to them the purpose of the assignments.
Also, the child needs to be helped to find something that he likes. Children learn to overcome difficulties and complete assignments. It is good to know the reasons why a child goes to perform this or that task. This will help give the right instructions and achieve educational goals.
To properly organize the exercise, you should first give easier instructions and then move on to complex tasks. The result obtained at the end should please the child. The awareness of personal success motivates him to carry out new assignments.
The exercise method includes an example. This is done by watching various films, citing facts from life, reading books, etc. But the personal example of parents has the most important. The child builds his behavior by imitating adults, since he does not yet have enough experience to independently organize his actions. This is how the child develops correct behavior or antisocial behavior.
First, the baby develops ideas about actions that he heard about from the stories of others or saw with his own eyes. He has a desire to act in the same way. However, the example and further behavior may not coincide.
Then comes the alignment of your thoughts, actions and behavior according to the model. And finally, the behavior is reinforced. It is important to remember that suggestion and advice from an adult play an important role in choosing the right imitative actions.
Punishment and reward are two interrelated methods
Encouragement is based on recognition of good qualities and positive assessment of children's behavior. The opposite method is punishment. It is based on condemning bad actions and expressing a negative assessment. These two ways of education must exist together. Their necessity has been proven by pedagogy, because they build character and instill dignity and responsibility.
It is impossible to abuse both encouragement and punishment, as this can lead to the development of selfishness. First you need to praise the child, as this gives self-confidence. But do not forget about caution. You should not praise your child for what was given to him by nature or achieved more than once. Showing pity in encouragement is also inappropriate.
Punishment is just as important in education as approval. But there are some nuances here too. For example, you cannot use physical strength or put moral pressure on a person. When in doubt, it is better to avoid punishment. If a child has committed several offenses at once, he should only be punished once. It is inappropriate to humiliate or insult a person, much less to punish when a lot of time has passed since the bad deed was committed. If a child eats or cannot overcome fear, punishment is even more inappropriate.
Punishment and reward will be most effective if used in conjunction with the above methods. Approval should be the leading one, and condemnation should be an auxiliary educational measure. This allows you to focus on best qualities child and improve them over time. In both methods, it is necessary to show tact and try to encourage the child to self-assess his behavior. Punishment will be correct and appropriate if the offender understands his guilt.
The importance of role models
A positive example plays a big role in the formation of personality. Today it is very difficult to devote enough time to your baby, but it is important to remember the importance of personal example. Even if you have little free time, you can show your child appropriate behavior when you take him to school. educational institution. So, if you are traveling in any kind of transport, you can give up your seat to an elderly person, thereby setting an example for your child. If you yourself are driving a car, then you can give way to pedestrians, etc.
It is important to show by example how a well-mannered person behaves. Your behavior at home also influences your child's actions. Therefore, it is important to be polite, courteous and caring towards loved ones. No amount of lectures and conversations will cause the child to behave correctly if you yourself do not know how to behave, but teach your children this.
The child considers his parents to be an ideal, so he copies their behavior and words. Try not to disappoint your baby. Work on yourself, get rid of bad habits, if you don't want them to pass on to your children.
What forms of education are usually used in modern families?
Each parent decides for himself how to raise his own children. This is where the formation of basic forms of education occurs. IN modern family there aren't that many of them.
The first and most common form of raising children in the family is “carrot and stick” method . It is important to remember that until the age of five, a child does not fully understand the meaning of a cry. Therefore, you should not use it, as well as a belt and cuffs. A cry is only needed when the child is in a situation of danger. A more effective form of education is considered to be an angle. And physical punishment is only proof that you cannot explain the child’s wrong in any other way. Thus, the baby will not feel guilty, so it is important to take a break from all your affairs and explain to the child what he did wrong.
Conversation as equals - another form of education in the family. Babysitting and distortion of words can lead to improper development of a child’s speech. Therefore, you should talk to him like an adult. From childhood, you need to teach your child to eat and dress independently. Do not help your child do what he can do on his own. Otherwise, you will have to run after him every time he screams.
IN adolescence There is also a form of education. There is no need to overprotect the child, but you should not deprive him of attention at all. The best thing to do is to become his friend. This way you can be aware of his plans for the day, know where he walks and what he does. It is important to maintain the teenager's trust in himself.
Let's sum it up
Raising children is not as difficult as it seems at first glance. Each parent chooses a certain method of raising their children. But it is important to remember that it is more correct to raise a child using the whole range of ways to influence him. You can’t just encourage or punish, convince or use an exercise, or act only by personal example. It is necessary to include all methods in the educational process, using them depending on the situation.
Methods and techniques of family education
Content
Introduction
1. Conditions for raising a child in a family
2. Methods and techniques of family education
3. Wrong methods of family education
Conclusion
Introduction
The family cannot be replaced by any educational institution. She is the main educator. There is no more influential force on the development and formation of a child’s personality. It is in it that the foundations of the social “I” are laid, the foundation future life person.
The main conditions for success in raising children in a family can be considered the presence of a normal family atmosphere, the authority of parents, correct mode day, timely introduction of the child to books, reading, and work.
In this connection, I consider it relevant to consider the basic methods and techniques of family education.
The purpose of the work is a theoretical study of methods and techniques of family education. To achieve this goal, the following tasks were solved:
The characteristics of the conditions for raising a child in a family are given;
Methods and techniques of family education are given;
Incorrect methods of family education have been studied.
Conditions for raising a child in a family
Family education has always been the most significant in the life of every person. As you know, education in the broad sense of the word is not only a directed and intentional influence on a child at the moments when we teach him, make comments, encourage him, scold him or punish him. Often the example of parents has a much greater effect on a child, although they may not be aware of their influence. A few words that parents automatically exchange among themselves can leave a much greater mark on a child than long lectures, which often cause nothing but disgust in him; An understanding smile, a casual word, etc. can have exactly the same effect.
As a rule, in the memory of each person there remains a special atmosphere of our home, associated with many daily insignificant events, or the fear that we experienced in connection with many events that are incomprehensible to us. It is precisely such a calm and joyful or tense, full of apprehension and fear atmosphere that has the greatest effect on the child, on his growth and development, and leaves a deep imprint on all his subsequent development.
Therefore, we can highlight one of the leading conditions for favorable upbringing in the family - a favorable psychological climate. As you know, one of the important conditions is the family atmosphere, which is determined, first of all, by how family members communicate with each other, by the socio-psychological climate characteristic of a particular family, which is what is most important determines the emotional, social and other types of development of the child.
The second condition for upbringing in the family is those educational methods and techniques with the help of which parents purposefully influence the child. The different positions from which adults approach the upbringing of their children can be characterized as follows: first of all, these are different degrees of emotional involvement, authority and control over the upbringing of children, and, finally, the degree of participation of parents in the experiences of their children.
A cold, emotionally neutral attitude towards a child has an unfavorable effect on his development; it slows him down, impoverishes him, and weakens him. At the same time, emotional warmth, which the child needs just as much as food, should not be given in excessive quantities, overwhelming the baby with a mass of emotional impressions, tying him to his parents to such an extent that he becomes unable to tear himself away from the family and start living independent life. Education should not become an idol of the mind, where feelings and emotions are prohibited from entering. An integrated approach is important here.
The third condition is the authority of parents and adults in raising children. An analysis of the current situation shows that parents respect the needs and interests of their children, their relationships are more democratic and aimed at cooperation. However, as is known, the family is a special social institution where there cannot be the same equality between parents and children as between adult members of society. In those families where there is no control over the child’s behavior and he does not know what is right and what is wrong, this uncertainty results in his own infirmity, and sometimes even fear.
Socially, a child develops best in such a way that he puts himself in the place of someone he considers authoritative, wise, strong, gentle and loving. The child identifies himself with parents who have these valuable qualities and tries to imitate them. Only parents who enjoy authority among their children can become such an example for them.
The next important condition that must be taken into account in family education is the role of punishment and rewards in raising children. The child learns to understand many things in such a way that he is made clear what is right and what is wrong: he needs encouragement, recognition, praise or some other form of approval when he does the right thing, and criticism, disagreement and punishment when he does the right thing. case of wrong doings. Children who are praised for good behavior, but who are not punished for wrong actions, usually learn everything more slowly and with difficulty. This approach to punishment has its own validity and is a completely reasonable part of educational measures.
At the same time, we should not forget that positive emotional experiences should prevail over negative ones in the process of raising children, therefore the child should be praised and encouraged more often than scolded and punished. Parents often forget about this. Sometimes it seems to them that they can spoil the child if they once again praise him for something good; They consider good deeds to be something ordinary and do not see how difficult it was for the child to achieve them. And parents punish the child for every bad mark or remark he brings from school, while they do not notice success (at least relative) or deliberately underestimate it. In fact, they should do the opposite: they should praise the child for every success and try not to notice his failures, which do not happen to him very often.
Naturally, punishment should never be such that it disrupts contact between the child and parents. Physical punishment most often indicates the powerlessness of the teacher; they cause in children a feeling of humiliation, shame and do not contribute to the development of self-discipline: children who are punished in this way, as a rule, are obedient only under the supervision of adults, and behave completely differently when they are around They are not with them.
The development of consciousness is more likely to be facilitated by “psychological” punishments: if we let the child understand that we do not agree with him, that at least for some moment he cannot count on our sympathy, that we are angry with him and therefore the feeling of guilt is a strong regulator his behavior. Whatever the punishment, it should not make the child feel that he has lost his parents, that his personality is humiliated and rejected.
The next condition affecting upbringing in the family is the relationship between brothers and sisters. A family with one child used to be an exception; today there are many such families. In some ways, it is easier to raise one child; parents can devote more time and effort to him; the child also does not have to share the love of his parents with anyone, he has no reason to be jealous. But, on the other hand, the position of an only child is unenviable: he lacks an important life school, the experience of which can only partially compensate for his communication with other children, but which cannot be fully replaced. The Big Family School is a great school where children learn not to be selfish.
However, the influence of siblings on a child's development is not so strong that it can be argued that only child in his social development must definitely lag behind a child from a large family. The fact is that life is big family carries with it a series conflict situations which children and their parents cannot always solve correctly. First of all, this is the mutual jealousy of children. Problems usually arise where parents unwisely compare children with each other and say that one of the children is better, smarter, nicer, etc.
Grandparents and sometimes other relatives often play a larger or smaller role in the family. Whether they live with the family or not, their impact on children cannot be overlooked.
First of all, this is the help that grandparents provide today in caring for children. They take care of them while their parents are at work, look after them during illnesses, sit with them when their parents go to the cinema, theater or on a visit in the evenings, thereby to some extent making their work easier for parents, helping them relieve stress and overload. Grandparents expand the social horizons of the child, who, thanks to them, leaves the close family confines and gains direct experience of communicating with older people.
Grandfathers and grandmothers have always been distinguished by their ability to give children some share of their emotional wealth, which the child’s parents sometimes do not have time to do either due to lack of time or due to their immaturity. Grandfather and grandmother occupy such an important place in a child’s life that they do not demand anything from him, do not punish him or scold him, but constantly share their spiritual wealth with him. Consequently, their role in raising a child is undoubtedly important and quite significant.
However, it is not always positive, since many grandparents often spoil children with excessive indulgence, excessive attention, by fulfilling every child’s desire, showering him with gifts and almost buying his love, pulling him to their side.
There are other “underwater reefs” in the relationship between grandparents and their grandchildren - they, wittingly or unwittingly, undermine the authority of the parents when they allow the child to do something that they have prohibited.
However, in any case, the coexistence of generations is a school of personal maturity, sometimes harsh and tragic, and sometimes bringing joy, enriching relationships between people. More than anywhere else, people here learn mutual understanding, mutual tolerance, respect and love. And the family that managed to overcome all the difficulties of relations with the older generation gives children a lot of valuable things for their social, emotional, moral and mental development.
Thus, raising a child today should become something more than a simple transfer of ready-made knowledge, abilities, skills and style of behavior. Genuine education today is a constant dialogue between the teacher and the child, during which the child increasingly develops the ability to accept independent decisions, which will help him become a full member of society and fill his life with meaning.
Methods and techniques of family education
Methods of raising children in the family are the ways through which the purposeful pedagogical influence of parents on the consciousness and behavior of children is carried out.
They have their own specifics:
The influence on the child is individual, based on specific actions and adaptations to the individual;
The choice of methods depends on the pedagogical culture of the parents: understanding of the goals of education, parental role, ideas about values, style of relationships in the family, etc.
Therefore, methods of family education bear a vivid imprint of the personality of the parents and are inseparable from them. How many parents - so many varieties of methods.
The choice and application of parenting methods are based on a number of general conditions.
1) Parents’ knowledge of their children, their positive and negative qualities: what they read, what they are interested in, what assignments they carry out, what difficulties they experience, etc.;
2) Personal experience parents, their authority, the nature of family relationships, the desire to educate by personal example also affects the choice of methods;
3) If parents prefer joint activities, then practical methods usually prevail.
4) The pedagogical culture of parents has a decisive influence on the choice of methods, means, and forms of education. It has long been noticed that in families of teachers and educated people, children are always better brought up.
Acceptable methods of education are as follows:
1) Conviction. This is a complex and difficult method. It must be used carefully, thoughtfully, and remember that every word, even one accidentally dropped, is convincing. Parents, wise from the experience of family education, are distinguished precisely by the fact that they know how to make demands on their children without shouting and without panic. They have the secret of a comprehensive analysis of the circumstances, causes and consequences of children’s actions, and predict the children’s possible responses to their actions. One phrase, said at the right time, at the right moment, can be more effective than a moral lesson. Persuasion is a method in which the teacher appeals to the consciousness and feelings of children. Conversations with them and explanations are far from the only means of persuasion. I am convinced by the book, the movie, and the radio; Painting and music convince in their own way, which, like all types of art, acting on the senses, teach us to live “according to the laws of beauty.” A good example plays a big role in persuasion. And here the behavior of the parents themselves is of great importance. Children, especially preschool and primary school age, tend to imitate both good and bad deeds. The way parents behave, the way children learn to behave. Finally, children are convinced by their own experience.
2) Requirement. There is no education without demands. Already, parents make very specific and categorical demands on a preschooler. He has job responsibilities, and he is required to fulfill them, while performing the following actions:
Gradually increase the complexity of your child's responsibilities;
Exercise control without ever relinquishing it;
When a child needs help, provide it; this is a reliable guarantee that he will not develop the experience of disobedience.
The main form of presenting demands on children is an order. It should be given in a categorical, but at the same time, calm, balanced tone. Parents should not be nervous, scream, or angry. If the father or mother is excited about something, then it is better to refrain from making a demand for now.
The demand presented must be feasible for the child. If a father sets an impossible task for his son, then it is clear that it will not be completed. If this happens more than once or twice, then very favorable soil is formed for cultivating the experience of disobedience. And one more thing: if the father gave an order or forbade something, then the mother should neither cancel nor allow what he forbade. And, of course, vice versa.
3) Encouragement (approval, praise, trust, joint games and walks, financial incentives). Approval is widely used in the practice of family education. An approving remark is not praise, but simply confirmation that it was done well and correctly. A person whose correct behavior is still developing really needs approval, because it confirms the correctness of his actions and behavior. Approval is more often applied to young children, who still have little understanding of what is good and what is bad, and therefore are especially in need of assessment. There is no need to skimp on approving remarks and gestures. But here too, try not to overdo it. We often observe direct protest against approving remarks.
4) Praise is the teacher’s expression of satisfaction with certain actions and deeds of the student. Like approval, it should not be verbose, but sometimes one word “Well done!” still not enough. Parents should be careful not to let praise play a negative role, because excessive praise is also very harmful. Trusting children means showing them respect. Trust, of course, needs to be balanced with the capabilities of age and individuality, but you should always try to make sure that children do not feel mistrust. If parents tell a child, “You are incorrigible,” “You can’t be trusted with anything,” then they weaken his will and slow down the development of self-esteem. It is impossible to teach good things without trust.
When choosing incentive measures, you need to take into account age, individual characteristics, degree of education, as well as the nature of actions and deeds that are the basis for encouragement.
5) Punishment. The pedagogical requirements for the application of punishments are as follows:
Respect for children;
Subsequence. The power and effectiveness of punishments are greatly reduced if they are used frequently, so one should not be wasteful in punishments;
Taking into account age and individual characteristics, level of education. For the same act, for example, for being rude to elders, one cannot equally punish a junior schoolchild and a young man, the one who committed a rude act due to misunderstanding and who did it intentionally;
Justice. You cannot punish “rashly.” Before imposing a penalty, it is necessary to find out the reasons and motives for the action. Unfair punishments embitter, disorient children, and sharply worsen their attitude towards their parents;
Correspondence between negative action and punishment;
Hardness. If a punishment is declared, it should not be canceled unless it is shown to be unfair;
Collective nature of punishment. This means that all family members take part in raising each child.
Wrong methods of family education
Incorrect methods of family education include:
1) Cinderella-type upbringing, when parents are overly picky, hostile or unkind to their child, placing increased demands on him, not giving him the necessary affection and warmth. Many of these children and teenagers, downtrodden, timid, always living under the fear of punishment and insults, grow up indecisive, fearful, and unable to stand up for themselves. Acutely experiencing the unfair attitude of their parents, they often fantasize a lot, dreaming of a fairy-tale prince and an extraordinary event that will save them from all the difficulties of life. Instead of being active in life, they retreat into a fantasy world;
2) Education according to the type of family idol. All the requirements and the slightest whims of the child are fulfilled, the life of the family revolves only around his desires and whims. Children grow up willful, stubborn, do not recognize prohibitions, and do not understand the limitations of their parents’ material and other capabilities. Selfishness, irresponsibility, inability to delay receiving pleasure, a consumerist attitude towards others - these are the consequences of such an ugly upbringing.
3) Education according to the type of hyperprotection. The child is deprived of independence, his initiative is suppressed, and his capabilities do not develop. Over the years, many of these children become indecisive, weak-willed, unadapted to life, they get used to having everything done for them.
4) Education according to the type of hypoprotection. The child is left to his own devices, no one develops his skills social life, does not teach understanding “what is good and what is bad.”
5) Harsh upbringing - characterized by the fact that the child is punished for any offense. Because of this, he grows up in constant fear that as a result he will result in the same unjustified rigidity and bitterness;
6) Increased moral responsibility - with early age The child begins to be given the idea that he must certainly meet the expectations of his parents. At the same time, he may be assigned overwhelming responsibilities. Such children grow up with unreasonable fear for their well-being and the well-being of those close to them.
7) Physical punishment- the most unacceptable method of family education. This kind of punishment causes mental and physical trauma, which ultimately changes behavior. This can manifest itself in difficult adaptation to people, loss of interest in learning, and the appearance of cruelty.
Conclusion
Family education has always been the most significant in the life of every person.
An analysis of the literature on the problems of family education shows that there is no difference between children who were raised in strictness (with punishment) and children who were brought up more gently (without punishment) - if we do not take extreme cases. big difference. Consequently, the educational impact of the family is not only a series of targeted educational moments, it consists of something more significant.
The main methods of family education have been identified:
1) Conviction;
2) Requirement;
3) Encouragement;
4) Praise;
5) Punishment.
Raising a child today should become something more than a simple transfer of ready-made knowledge, abilities, skills and style of behavior. Genuine education today is a constant dialogue between the teacher and the child, during which the child increasingly masters the ability to make independent decisions, which will help him become a full member of society and fill his life with meaning.
List of used literature
1. Druzhinin, V.N. Family psychology / V. N. Druzhinin. - M., 2002.
2. Kondrashenko, V.T., Donskoy, D.I., Igumnov, S.A. Fundamentals of family psychotherapy and family psychological counseling / V. T. Kondrashenko, D. I. Donskoy, S. A. Igumnov // General psychotherapy. - M.: Publishing House of the Institute of Psychotherapy, 2003.
3. Levy, D.A. Family psychotherapy. History, theory, practice / D. A. Levin. - St. Petersburg: Peter, 2001.
4. Myager, V.K., Mishina, T.M. Family psychotherapy: A guide to psychotherapy / V.K. Myager, T.M. Mishina. - L.: Medicine, 2000.
5. Navaitis, G. Family in psychological consultation / G. Navaitis. - M.: NPO MODEK, 1999.
6. Satir, V. Family psychotherapy / V. Satir. - St. Petersburg: Yuventa, 1999.
