How to be a happy single woman. Women's loneliness or freedom - a modern view

Content

Our world is actively developing and improving, and, it would seem, modern society people can express themselves without fear and show their inner freedom in any way, but still, a single woman over 40 still evokes pity among the majority and a heightened desire to help her find a mate. And no matter how much she tries to prove to her family, friends, acquaintances and just the first person she meets that loneliness is her conscious choice, no one will believe her. Of course, everyone will nod their heads affirmatively and pretend that this is how it should be, but their thoughts will be something like this: “Poor thing, she’s so lonely and unhappy, she doesn’t have a man or a reliable shoulder, and time goes by and the clock is ticking... Doesn’t she understand this?

You shouldn’t pay attention to people who feel sorry for you and constantly repeat that a woman cannot be complete without a partner. The problem is how a woman interprets her loneliness and what emotions this condition gives her. There are women over forty who are comfortable without a partner. They don’t even want to think about connecting their lives with a man and spending their time developing this relationship. Others simply convinced themselves that they were fine without their other half. However, in fact, they constantly suffer and wake up every morning with the hope that today will be this long-awaited meeting with a handsome prince (or even a king), which will change their lives in better side Once and for all. The psychology of a woman’s loneliness is a very subtle and rather veiled matter, which, of course, we will now try to understand at least a little.

Reasons for female loneliness

German psychologists note with alarm that every year there are more and more single women over 40 years old. This happens due to factors such as:

• an unsuccessful marriage that ended in divorce;
• death of a beloved spouse. A woman thinks that a relationship with a new man is a betrayal of the deceased;
• lack of any experience. If a woman has never been married, then over time the desire to change her social status begins to disappear;
• constant employment at work.

Previously, men strived for personal freedom and were in no hurry to go to the registry office. Now the situation is changing dramatically, and this trend will not only continue in the future, but will also actively develop. American experts say that today the psychology of a single woman has been formed, and anxiety is already beginning to arise.

Why do forty-year-old representatives of the fair sex not want to enter into relationships?

Most common reasons

• desire for self-realization. It's no secret that a relationship with a man takes a lot of time and effort. A woman who decides to get married loses some part of herself, because now she has to think not about her desires, but about making her husband or partner feel comfortable with her;
• lack of desire to meet new people. By the age of forty, every woman already has a certain social circle, and not everyone wants to expand it. In addition, every year get acquainted with strangers it gets heavier;
• desire for career growth. A modern woman who decides to pursue her career sooner or later faces a dilemma: family or work. It is possible to combine these two activities, but it is very difficult. In the end, someone will still be dissatisfied: either the boss, or the husband and children;
• reluctance to take part in working on relationships. The famous actor Brad Pitt once said this: “Relationships are not only flowers and gifts, it is colossal work without weekends and holidays, for which, by the way, they do not pay at all.” And indeed it is! Getting to know the guy you like, exchanging phone numbers with him and going on a few dates is one thing, but building a healthy, strong and promising relationship that will satisfy your partners is completely different. Not every woman has the desire to do this;
• negative experience. It often happens that a woman who has had an unsuccessful marriage and gone through a divorce deliberately puts an end to her personal life, because she believes that they are good, decent, generous and caring men simply does not exist;
• children. Almost 35% of women over 40, who are raising daughters and sons on their own, do not want to start a relationship with a new man, because they believe that he will not be able to replace their children own father or will treat them badly;
• financial independence and personal freedom. Three out of ten adult women with a mature character, a well-paid job and an established lifestyle do not want to limit their freedom and account for financial expenses to a potential spouse, etc.

These and many other reasons clearly demonstrate that modern women do not want to limit their freedom and depend on men emotionally or financially. Although a woman may constantly feel lonely, she will still prefer not to change her status, so as not to experience inconvenience in relationships, which sooner or later arises in every couple. However, it is worth noting that the psychology of female loneliness works more in a negative than in a positive way. It's no secret that social connections play one of the key roles in a person's life, and loneliness has a negative impact on psychological (for example, lack of moral support) and physical (lack of intimate life) health.

Psychology of female loneliness: why don’t women want relationships?

Is being single over 40 normal or not? Modern women are very different from their great-grandmothers who lived a hundred or more years ago. If you used to be twenty unmarried girl was considered an “old maid,” then today even at fifty you can find a mate. Society as a whole has become more tolerant of this, but individuals may continue to show an adult woman without a husband with a finger and consider her inferior.

Why are representatives of the fair sex in no hurry to start relationships and create a new unit of society? The whole point is that when choosing loneliness, you don’t need to:

• adapt to the man and change your usual lifestyle. At 40 years old it is very difficult to do this, and a woman does not always have such a desire;
• account for one’s actions and explain one or another action. Of course, meet New Year together or spending time on the shore of a warm sea together is very tempting, but the holidays quickly end and everyday life begins, where every day you will have to not only adapt to your partner, but also report to him. Many women believe that there are many more negatives from relationships than positives;
• miss opportunities that may appear at any moment. As long as a woman is not tied up in a relationship, she feels free and can flirt with all the guys she likes, give out her phone number and wait for a miracle. The same applies to work, because, for example, a free employee can easily go to another city to get a promotion or work almost seven days a week, while a woman related, you will have to take into account the opinion of your other half;
• open up to a man and show him your weaknesses. Each person has his own complexes and problems, which, tying serious relationship, you have to show it to your partner. Not all girls are ready for this, because they believe that a man, having learned about something like this, will no longer want to see her and will simply leave;
• fear the future. Romantic relationship– it’s always a risk, because you never know what will come of it. The psychology of a single woman is this: she believes that it is much easier not to start a relationship at all than to constantly worry about the future and experience negative emotions about it.

Is it worth changing?

Is it worth changing your lifestyle for the sake of a new relationship? Unfortunately, there is no clear answer to this important question. It all depends on the woman herself. You just need to honestly answer yourself, set your priorities correctly and either not start new relationships at all, or tune in to positive mood and still try to do it. If a woman feels comfortable alone, she lives full life and does not consider herself deprived by fate, then there is no point in starting a relationship and disrupting her way of life. However, it should be noted that only in a relationship can both a man and a woman reach their full potential, so it’s still worth at least trying to find your other half.

Those same representatives of the fair sex who dream of meeting a man and starting a family with him should understand that relationships are, first of all, comfort and coziness. There is no need to go from one extreme to another and be with the first partner you come across just because society dictates so or because your parents have been hinting for years that they want to babysit their grandchildren. This is your life and you are responsible for all the consequences, so you should not be led by circumstances. If you decide to get rid of the psychology of a single woman, find your other half and start living a full life, then you need to:

• understand yourself and your internal problems that prevent you from having a relationship with a man;
• take full responsibility for your actions and stop worrying about what society, parents, will think, married friends, colleagues, etc. You live for yourself, not for them!
• tune in to a positive mood and stop worrying about loneliness. You shouldn’t give up on yourself and think that there’s something wrong with you because you can’t find a worthy partner. Tell yourself that you deserve only the best and finally believe it!
• forget about failures and negative experiences as soon as possible. What you had is already in the past, and there is no way back. Learn from past mistakes, draw appropriate conclusions, let go of negative emotions and believe in what awaits you ahead new life, which depends only on you;
• Don’t be afraid to meet people in the most unexpected places. Who said that decent women don’t meet each other on the streets? IN modern world all conventions have lost their meaning, so meeting people on the streets is possible and even necessary! If this is too radical for you, then you can create an account on some dating site and try to find a life partner there.

Unfortunately, women over 40 often forget one very important truth: “Love yourself, and then others will love you.” It would seem that this is a banal thing that is not worth mentioning, but not all adult representatives of the fair sex can say without a twinge of conscience that they love themselves. Men feel insecurity and lack of self-love on a subconscious level. Popular actress Jennifer Aniston once said: “Getting rid of loneliness and loving a man and children begins with loving yourself.” And indeed it is! A woman who loves herself knows what she needs and how to achieve it! Without violating her own inner harmony, she starts a relationship with a worthy man who treats her with love and respect, and is in no hurry to throw in her lot with the first person she meets. Self-love and inner peace will help you get rid of loneliness and make you look at yourself and the world around you in a completely different way!

Loneliness is scary and depressing. Everyone has experienced loneliness at least once in their life. Neither men nor women are immune from it. This article will talk about female loneliness, what to do if you are lonely, how to accept and cope with this condition.

Reasons for female loneliness

Both young and mature women face loneliness, regardless of age and social status. Some people cannot find a worthy partner, others, having experienced painful separation, closes in on himself, and someone is left alone after the tragic death of a loved one.

There are many life situations that lead to loneliness, but why do some women easily and painlessly endure it, while others drown in it, tormenting themselves?

In psychology, the following reasons for loneliness are identified:

• fear of a serious relationship;
• negative attitudes associated with marriage;
• idealization family life, gender stereotypes;
• complexes (low self-esteem).

Fear of a serious relationship

A woman who is afraid of close relationships may not fully realize this. By its nature, it is rooted deep in the subconscious. Most often, it is formed in childhood, when the girl’s environment speaks unflatteringly about members of the opposite sex. If from an early age a girl hears that men cause nothing but problems, that they are all deceivers, and other angry statements, then this forms in her a subconscious fear of the opposite sex and serious relationships.

Fear of close relationships also develops after a tragic separation, betrayal or betrayal. A woman, faced with meanness, subconsciously expects it from other men and cannot build harmonious relationships.

A lady who has asked the question: “Why am I lonely?” should not look for mystical reasons and not engage in self-flagellation, but realize her fears and work through them.

Negative attitudes associated with marriage

A negative attitude towards marriage leads to loneliness. This can be either a conscious or subconscious attitude. The reluctance to enter into a serious relationship and start a family also comes from childhood. Parents who are always arguing, a father's disrespect for her mother - the growing daughter begins to consider marriage a complete torment. Such a girl will most likely grow up to be a lonely woman, tormented by internal conflict. It is based on a reluctance to get married, based on childhood impressions, psychological trauma, and the need imposed by society to start a family. By understanding yourself and analyzing your experiences, you can get rid of a negative attitude.

Idealization of family life and gender stereotypes

Dreams of a strong, handsome, smart, generous, in general, ideal man lead to loneliness. If you get hung up on searching for a “prince” that does not exist in nature, there is a high chance of remaining without a partner for the rest of your life.

For a woman who finds herself a victim of stereotypes and fantasies, it is better to accept the fact that ideal people do not exist.

So what to do if you're lonely? Understand that everyone has flaws. This does not mean you have to put up with disrespect, rudeness, physical or psychological abuse. The balance between the pros and cons of a partner is important.

A woman aiming for a worthy partner should not forget about self-improvement and developing her strengths.

Complexes and low self-esteem

Many outwardly attractive, intelligent women suffer from loneliness. Their main problem is low self-esteem. Uncertainty increases anxiety when communicating with the opposite sex and repels men.

Believing that every person is unique and worthy of love and happiness is the beginning of the solution.

If a single woman stops feeling sorry for herself and looking for her own shortcomings, and instead accepts herself, then those around her will also notice her strengths.

Using loneliness as an opportunity to understand yourself and develop your personality strengths is much more effective than mourning your unfortunate fate. A diary will help with this, in which you can record your successes and thank yourself.

How to accept loneliness

Loneliness can be comfortable and bright, the main thing is to change your attitude towards the situation. Yes, there is no relationship now, there is no worthy partner, but this does not mean that the situation will not change.

If you consider loneliness as an opportunity to take care of yourself, expand your circle of friends and interests, lead a more fulfilling life, and do what you have long wanted, then it is not so bad.

The answer to the question of what to do if you are lonely will be: take care of yourself, develop, understand your feelings, fears, experiences, look for their causes and eradicate them, find a hobby you like. But you shouldn’t blame yourself, look for shortcomings, feel sorry for yourself, this will only lead to neurosis.

But how to come to terms with female loneliness and learn to live with it? It has already been said above: accept the situation and use it for your own benefit. After all, self-confident interesting woman With more likely will find a worthy partner.

How to deal with loneliness

Even if we consider loneliness as an opportunity for self-development, most people will not want to stay in it forever.

So what to do if you're lonely? Do not be sad. Psychologists advise the following:

• Taking care of yourself and pleasing yourself with pleasant little things is an excellent opportunity not to become discouraged.
• Don't forget about friends. There is no need to isolate yourself and refuse to communicate, even when experiencing a difficult breakup. Spend time with your friends without being jealous of their love life. It’s better to be happy for a friend who is doing well than to be angry and waste energy on negativity.
• Live a full life. Attend events: go to exhibitions, concerts, cinema, theater. Find interesting activity which will give you pleasure. It doesn’t matter what it will be - sports or dancing, drawing or handicrafts. Fill in free time pleasant things, and he simply will not be left for despondency.
• Helping others is a great way to avoid feeling lonely, according to psychologists. This will expand your social circle and make you feel needed. Working in a shelter for homeless animals, helping sick children - it doesn’t matter, as long as it brings pleasure. And communicating with equally enthusiastic people will help you not feel lonely.

Loneliness after 40 years

Perhaps female loneliness at 40 is perceived most painfully.

A special category of single ladies are those over forty. These are women who have life experience and an established value system. Most often they already had family relationships, and not very successful. A divorce from a disgusted spouse could lead to loneliness, or he himself “ran away” to a younger woman, or the woman became a widow.

Left alone, forty-year-old women choose the following paths for themselves:

• live for your own pleasure, engaging in self-realization, helping children and grandchildren, without particularly worrying about another marriage;
• improve your personal life without giving up trying to meet a worthy partner.

Both choices are worthy of respect.

It is especially worth noting single women over 40 who have never been married. These could be accomplished successful individuals or women with a child who were abandoned by a man before his birth. This group is the most vulnerable in our society.

For some, being single at 40 is a conscious choice: a woman does not want to tolerate an unworthy man, she lives a busy life and is quite happy with it. There are also those who find it difficult to live without a life partner, and then loneliness can become a tragedy.

Psychologists advise not to dwell on the problem, but to live life to the fullest, communicate more with interesting people. Finding a partner is more difficult, but a confident woman will cope with this task.

There is no need to torment yourself with the question: “Why am I lonely?”, it is better to change your type of thinking from negative to positive. Finding the positives in your situation, seeing the good in the world and people around you, makes it easier to become happy. And people glowing with happiness and positivity attract attention.

Brief summary

In the psychology of loneliness, women identify several reasons (discussed above), but what they have in common is negative attitudes. If you deal with your internal conflicts, understand the reason for certain feelings, then loneliness will not be a burden, it will be easier to cope with it.

And then the answer to the question of what to do if you are lonely will be positive thinking and attitude towards oneself.

At any age, it is important to understand yourself, to be aware of your true desires. Becoming yourself true friend and support, it’s easy to become happy and make those around you happy, to defeat loneliness.

Sometimes there comes a time in a woman's life when she is left alone. I broke up with my husband or boyfriend, but there is no new gentleman on the horizon yet. If this is about you, if you feel lonely and want to somehow get out of this state, hurry up and take advantage of our advice.

The fact is that most single women (age does not matter) with enviable consistency make the same mistakes that prevent them from arranging their destiny. So, what should you absolutely not do?

Errors

Error one

Have you already convinced yourself that for some reason you are not worthy of people falling in love with you and doing crazy things for you? Get into auto training urgently!

Do you remember - “I am the most charming and attractive...”?

You really are the most beautiful for someone who falls in love with you. And this will definitely happen!

It may be hard to believe, but it's true: all our thoughts are reflected on our face. And not only on the face - in gait, posture, in short, in our entire appearance. Therefore, what you think about yourself will certainly be passed on to those around you, including men. Make sure they only accept your positive thoughts! Try to think of yourself as yourself wonderful woman worldwide!

Summary: You shouldn’t allow bad thoughts to enter your head.

Error two

Left alone, a woman often begins to look at all the men within a kilometer radius with an appraising and hungry look, as if wondering: is this one fit to be a husband? Do not do this under any circumstances! Any normal guy will run as far away from such a lady as possible. And this is understandable: after all, a girl looking with such eyes is clearly encroaching on what is most sacred to him - freedom. Communicate with men in companies, at work, in a club, but behave calmly, relaxed and free.

Even if you really like the guy, don’t be overly active - give him the opportunity to make the first step.

If you still decide to take the initiative into your own hands, and not wait for him to “ripen”, behave carefully, arrange everything in such a way that he is sure that it was he who first suggested meeting.

Summary: You can't look at men as potential husbands.

Errors

Error three

Even if it’s very bad and lonely, don’t agree to a close relationship with just anyone! Unfortunately, many women who do not tolerate loneliness well throw themselves on the neck of literally the first person they meet. This will not do - after all, even a lonely girl should still have pride.

First, figure out whether you really like this person, are you ready for a new relationship?

Summary: You can’t be promiscuous.

Error four

There is no need to look at all representatives of the male half of humanity as enemies! Yes, you were very offended by one of them (or more than one...), but this does not mean at all that they are all bastards and scum. Believe me, there are some very nice people among men. And in order to meet them, you need not to look down on everyone or angrily “glare” from under your brows, but to walk the streets with your head held high and your eyes open.

Summary: You can’t hate men, you need to love them!

Error five

Don't look for the “ideal”! Well, why do you need a Hollywood handsome man with a white-toothed smile and huge income? To then suffer from betrayal and shed tears while watching his success with women?

Believe me: average appearance and a calm character are much more pleasant “baggage” for the person with whom you are going to start a close relationship.

Even if at first it seems a little boring and “bland” to you, later you will certainly appreciate the beauty of such a calm relationship. Or do you need “African passions”? Well, to each his own...

Summary: You can’t “raise the bar too high.”

Error six

Do not refuse invitations to guests, parties, picnics and restaurants with friends and colleagues. Do not think that it is indecent to appear alone where everyone will come in pairs. Nothing wrong with that. Who knows, maybe at this party you will meet the man of your dreams? And if you spend all your time at home, on the couch, in front of the TV, there is a danger of remaining lonely for a very long time...

Summary: You can’t withdraw into yourself and refuse to have fun.

Error seventh

Don’t go to fortune tellers, fortune tellers and other “grandmothers”! You won’t learn anything new or useful from them, but they will regularly extract money from you, and in return they will give you a couple of amulets and, in addition to them, self-doubt.

How could it be otherwise - if you constantly hear “ You, my dear, are wearing the crown of celibacy" or " They've jinxed you, my dear, I'm spoiling you directed“- you will inevitably become unhappy and pathetic, you will begin to shed tears and become convinced that you can give up on personal happiness.

Summary: You can't trust stupid predictions.

Error eight

Don't treat yourself with disdain! Act as if today you have the date of the century with the most the best man on the ground. Convince yourself of this, and your eyes will shine, your gait will become light and confident, and all men will begin to turn around. Of course, confidence alone is not enough; you also need to dress nicely. And you need to do this every day.

Be sure to buy yourself beautiful and expensive lingerie!

Not to wear on holidays or to doctor’s appointments – for every day! If a woman is wearing new sexy lingerie, she behaves completely differently, certain vibes emanate from her, which are mysteriously picked up by men who happen to be nearby.

Summary: You can’t save on yourself and neglect yourself! Love yourself and pamper yourself - and this attitude will soon attract new gentlemen to you.

Of course, these are not all the mistakes a single woman makes, but they are the most common. If you try to prevent them, you will definitely meet them. new love very soon! And even if this doesn’t happen in the near future, “working on mistakes” will still be useful: you will become more confident and courageous, more successful and happier.

A to happy women men are so sticky!

While a person is young in years, he is full of hopes and plans: acquiring a profession, Great love, creating a family. In old age, when it’s time to take stock, it seems that all the possibilities for fulfilling desires are left behind. And if something didn’t work out in youth and a person, be it a man or a woman, is left alone, then life becomes unbearable and painful. How can a woman live alone when she is over 50? This is what our article is about.

Life is like a dead end of loneliness. Is happiness possible?

One. Age well over 50... very far over 50. No husband, no children... No relationship either. And nothing shines anymore... Can a miracle happen? And what can change for a woman well over 50 if nothing worked out in her younger years? All that remains is to survive somehow... Life seems to have passed me by.

This thought alone is debilitating. It makes you grow old - right before your eyes. Life is colorless, empty, insipid... Not life at all... Thoughts are spinning in my head that once I should have done this and not that way... Then now there would be at least some semblance of a family, at least someone nearby. .. So that in old age there would be someone to give a glass of water... And now it’s too late, time has passed... You can’t return or change anything... All chances are lost... How to live if there is no longer any reason to live and no one for anyone?..

History, of which there are many, with one or another variation. But one thing unites them: a woman has not realized her desires in order to feel her life fulfilled and herself happy, and, having found herself beyond the threshold of a certain age (after 50 or after 60 years), she does not see opportunities to change anything in her life so as not to to be single in order to live to the fullest and with joy, to feel needed by others.

The deceptive magic of numbers for women over 50

It seems that just recently, on the threshold of her 40th birthday, the woman did not lose optimism and hope, because “after 40, life just begins!” And a little later (“at 45 - the woman’s berry again”), the gradually fading woman waits for some time, another three to five years, to see what is still possible to change in her such a monotonous and lonely life...

The fateful date - 50 years - hits me like a blow to the head. Someone, heartily congratulating a lady on her anniversary, will jokingly add: “I changed my sixties.” And then 55 years... and the so-called old-age pension. A woman who still feels able to live actively, literally loses ground under her feet from these words addressed to her: is this really old age, is it really all?..

In fact, you can start living a joyful and happy life at any age! Ask how? The answer is given by “System-vector psychology” by Yuri Burlan. And in particular, she points out those false attitudes, learned from bad life experiences, that prevent a person from living not only in old age - at any age. And you can get rid of these attitudes and rebuild your thinking and attitude towards life at any age - at training, starting with free lectures.

False attitudes for a single woman after 50

In the case of a woman over 50 who lives alone, these are the attitudes that seem to have been known since ancient times as life guidelines that help “behave correctly” and not make mistakes in life, but they have stopped working in our dynamic times full of changes.

And what are these “false attitudes”? We will not analyze the reasons for a woman’s loneliness after 50, the roots of which are in the past: what she once did not do or, on the contrary, did instead of proudly being inactive. Let's consider the reasons for loneliness, which now, after 50 or 60 years and even at an older age, prevent a woman from finding the joy of life. These are the very “arguments in favor of hopelessness” that program a woman to give up trying to change her life. Here are some of them:

• "life passed me by"
• “there are no children of my own, and there won’t be any more,”
• “there are no paired relationships, and there is nothing to hope for”,
• "no work", "no interesting work“, “at this age they won’t take me anywhere.”

Now, in connection with these arguments, let’s consider the counterarguments offered by system-vector psychology Yuri Burlan.

Has life passed you by? How to live to live

This feeling most often develops if the generally accepted plots have not been completed, indicating that a person has succeeded, that life has not been lived in vain. For a woman, this means starting a family, having children, and later having grandchildren. For modern woman there may be additions: a career, your own home, a car, opportunities to travel, providing both personal space and conditions for broad communication...

All of these are “signs” of social fulfillment, at the same time, these events are sources of vivid impressions, emotions, constant changes that make life dynamic and interesting... If this is not the case, then the feeling of an unlived life, painful in itself, is aggravated “ public opinion" Previously, such a lonely woman was called a “empty flower”, now she is called a loser. And in comparison with her, the neighbor with her drunkard husband and nightly scandals feels more “fulfilled.”

In fact, what makes life rich and vibrant is not the specific stories themselves, but the way a person lives the life events sent to him. Even those who have a family are not guaranteed to feel lonely, and you can feel alone in a crowd. And vice versa, a so-called single woman, even after 50 or 60 years, can find a wide field for fulfillment and joy in life.

Firstly, do what you always wanted to do, but which was put off until better times (learn something, try yourself in something). So: these better times have arrived! Learn and try! Not too late!

Secondly, living joyfully does not mean constantly getting what you want exclusively for yourself. Yes, a person is designed this way - to desire and receive. But you can also enjoy life when you help other people fulfill their desires. The interaction of two forces - receiving and giving - becomes a condition for a fulfilling and joyful life, a way out of the dead end of hopelessness and loneliness.

How this happens is discussed in detail at the training “System-vector psychology” by Yuri Burlan.

Don't have your own children? There are no “strange” children!

Most women would not refuse to have and raise their children. For some it is the meaning of life, for others it is status or a sign of female fulfillment, for others it is an escape from loneliness and a hope for support in old age. And if a woman with certain attitudes is left without children in old age, then she experiences this as a catastrophe, instilling both fear of the future and a feeling of the absence of a future, plunging her into despondency. The end of childbearing age and certain restrictions established by law make it impossible for a woman to fulfill her desire to have her own children.

If a woman is not driven by selfish desires to “get the child at her disposal” in order to avoid loneliness, but really wants to care and help, then in our time there are many such opportunities - to come to the aid of disadvantaged, abandoned, sick children. Various shapes volunteering allows you to correlate the measure of your ability to give back (according to physical strength, spiritual motives, financial means) with the specific needs of society in raising such children, whether material aid, periodic meetings for activities and communication, participation in charitable organizations. In modern conditions, more than ever, it becomes clear: there are no other people’s children, all children are ours. Right now, it is important not to complain about the spoiled younger generation, sitting alone and afraid to look outside, but to make a contribution to help specific children become stronger in soul, learn to empathize, acquire true values ​​and develop the ability to defend them in word and deed.

If you don't have a couple relationship, is loneliness inevitable?

It is a mistake to think that after the age of 50 a woman will not be able to find not only a satisfying couple relationship with a man, but also family happiness. According to ordinary logic, no man would covet an aging woman. But 50-60 years is not old age if a woman is young at heart, attractive with her joyful mood, charming with her mobility, “manicness” and attention to others.

Men look at such a woman, and the question of her age arises in the very last place, if at all.

The training “System-vector psychology” by Yuri Burlan examines in detail the patterns of female sexuality, its activation at any age - based on recognizing one’s naturally given mental properties and understanding which partner is suitable for a woman, so that the two of them make up a “natural couple”. And this does not mean that, having met such a man, a woman will begin to live a cloudless and problem-free life. No, of course, but she will be able to cope with the difficulties that arise without breaking off relationships, but strengthening them, filling them with depth emotional connections And intimacy with your chosen one. And forced loneliness will never threaten her again.

Is there no interesting job for a woman after 50?

Nowadays, for a woman after 50-60 years of age, the question of continuing to work or getting a new job turns out to be quite acute, especially if, apart from a pension, she has no other sources of income, and she cannot expect help from capable relatives due to lack of such. Plus, for a single woman after 50, social contacts, meaningful communication with colleagues, and intellectual activity are very important. However, these needs clash with the stereotypical attitudes of employers to “get rid of” pensioners, especially if they are single.

It can be difficult for a woman over 50 to survive the situation of being fired at will“or pressure under the threat of such a situation - both from management with their high demands, and from young colleagues with their energetic drive and ability to quickly respond to changes.

At the training “System-vector psychology” by Yuri Burlan, it is possible to restructure thinking in such a way that a woman after 50 and even after 60 years becomes stress-resistant, which helps her not to panic, but to act according to the situation in the right direction.

The ability to understand her properties and states, to recognize the peculiarities of the psyche of other people (colleagues) helps her to feel them better, and this inclusion evokes reciprocal sympathy and disposition towards her from those around her. Coupled with professional experience, such an employee becomes truly invaluable, and no one will want to get rid of him. If the dismissal happened for one reason or another, then stress resistance developed during the training allows you not to become despondent, but to consider the crisis situation as a condition for urgent changes, new opportunities for social fulfillment.

There is a way out of the deadlock: loneliness can be overcome

A woman suffering from loneliness rightly feels that she can experience joy only in communication with other people... But she mistakenly believes that someone should appear who will help her survive her loneliness, save her from loneliness. And she lives in anticipation that someone will come and make her life joyful and happy. This expectation or despondency from its futility is a dead end, a trap for a single woman after 50.

But there is a way out. The answer to the question of how to survive loneliness for a woman after 50 is simple: you must not experience loneliness, but get out of it with a willingness to switch your intention from receiving for yourself to giving for other people, not for just one chosen one, but for many, with whom life brings you.

The primary idea about the causes of loneliness, about the way out of the dead end of loneliness is given by the system-vector psychology of Yuri Burlan.

“... After the first 2 lectures on anus and skin, my mother decided to apply to the DPR Agrarian Academy for horticulture. For a long time this was her hobby (although her main profession is a piano teacher, and she has 47 years of experience in a music school). Now she has decided to take this seriously. I just melt with happiness when I see this. THE MAN IS 71 YEARS OLD. Yuri is right that passport age does not matter..." Aug 24, 2018

My sister is 29 years old. She's quite beautiful. Smart. It has Good work. A car. Apartment. Leads active image life. Travels often. But at the same time she is lonely. Over the past five years, she has never had a serious relationship. And the fear of loneliness “after 30” literally poisons her life.

As I reflected on her situation, I noticed that there were many women around me in similar situations. Two of them are close friends of my wife. And after conducting a quick survey of my friends, I found out that in my social circle alone there are nine women aged from 20 to 40 years who do not have a permanent relationship. And they all experience their loneliness in different ways and dream of finding love, but so far, alas, this has not worked out for them.

After analyzing their stories, I noted some similar points in their behavior, allowing us to more or less accurately judge the reasons for their loneliness. By eliminating these reasons, they could find family happiness and in order to help them with this, I decided to write this article.

The demographic situation in our country today is not in favor of women. According to the census, there are ten million more women in our country than men.

If we subtract from the total number of men all alcoholics, mentally ill, disabled, prisoners and gays, then the ranks of potential suitors will thin out even more. And if we subtract all the “married people” from the remaining number, then the remainder will be such that it would seem to immediately automatically explain the reasons for such large number single women.

Should we despair in this situation?

But no. Because above we looked at only part of the statistics. But let's think about the huge number of women who are driven away solely by their imprudent, eccentric, and sometimes simply stupid behavior. worthy men, your soul will immediately feel much lighter. Although statistics do not indicate a reliable number of such women, they show with cold precision that 60% of all marriages in Russia end in divorce. By comparison, only 27% of married couples in Japan get divorced. And in India it is 1%.

What does this mean? About the fact that not only women, but a great many men around become lonely every day. If we add to this those men who have not yet found their ideal, the embodiment of which you are, then the picture becomes much more positive. And this gives not just hope, but direct confidence that your soul mate, even if for some time in the whirlpool of an erroneous relationship, will still find you in order to find happiness with you. Your task is to make sure that this desired man does not pass you by. And this will be discussed below.

So back to our nine single women (including my sister). There are some commonalities in their situations that should be noted Special attention. They all claimed that “despite all their efforts” they could not find a suitable match. While observations from the outside showed that each of these women periodically receives offers of acquaintance, which they almost always immediately reject.

It looks like some kind of phenomenon. Single women who passionately desire a relationship reject all opportunities to establish this relationship. However, there is an explanation. Or rather, there are even two explanations.

Firstly, in the stories of almost each of these women there was... an old love. A man from the past or present to whom all thoughts are riveted and around whom all the dreams of our single ladies are concentrated. For my sister, for example, this is her work colleague. Who has and always has had a girlfriend. Who was never in any relationship with my sister. That doesn’t stop my sister from hoping and believing in the possibility of such a relationship year after year.

Compared to this colleague, all other men seem so worthless to my sister, or at least mundane, that she looks through them without noticing them at all. And, as we see, this easily explains the fact that despite regular attempts to get to know her, my sister continues to be and feel lonely. She immediately rejects all men because “they are not Andrei.”

The other girls also had their own “Andrei”. For some, it’s their former love. A man who gave them “a few days” of fiery love, and then married someone else or left for another city. In some cases, a friend’s husband or even a neighbor.

And this leads us to the first important conclusion: the former or unrequited love- can become a serious obstacle on the path to family happiness. And although you cannot command your heart, you must face the truth and admit that all these dreams, thoughts and suffering are unrequited. They are the way to nowhere. They are like an impenetrable barrier that fences you off from all possible real relationships. By the way, in some cases, love for some fictitious ideal acts as the same barrier. But be that as it may, all such unrequited relationships living in your thoughts must be abandoned once and for all in order to fully experience the real emptiness in which you are and which can force you to act seriously.

This is difficult to do. Because the question immediately arises: What will I get in return for giving up “my Andrey”? Those pathetic losers who always try to meet me on the subway? Should I choose among them? They reek of fumes, they are untidy and sometimes just arrogant. And sometimes it’s the other way around—mumblers who can’t put two words together. So what is my benefit?

And here we come to a very important point. Perhaps the most important thing in the entire article. There are beautiful men, and there are not beautiful men. There are polite and gallant gentlemen, and there are rude drunkards. There are rich people, and there are poor people. There are strong and stately ones, and there are suffocated ones. In other words, James Bonds or Woody Allens (or rather, his slender loser heroes). And of course you want James Bond. Especially considering that only James Bond can compare with “your Andrei.” But the question arises: if you dream of Bond, do you meet the criteria of a “Bond girl”? Having received such a question, any girl will answer without hesitation for a second - “Of course yes!” But let's figure this out.

Leaving behind the scenes physical characteristics, which are absolutely unimportant here, let us pay attention to the most important secret"Bond girls". Do you know what it is? It consists (attention!) in the perfect combination of seductiveness and inaccessibility!

Yes Yes! Precisely seductiveness. Since the time of the caveman, females have always seduced males by pushing them into mating fights with other males or forcing them to dance mating dances without breathing. Maintaining your UNAVAILABILITY until the mating dance is completely over.

So all sweet, pretty, but lonely women have something in common. They forgot the word "temptation". They forgot its essence and meaning. The word “temptation” is not in their vocabulary. It is not in their way of thinking and in their behavior. And therefore - they are NOT seductive. And for this main reason - in their arsenal, Woody Allen’s heroes are trying to get acquainted, who only spoil the mood on the way from work. By the way, as a consolation, we can mention that in the famous Wikipedia, which knows about everything in the world, the meaning of the word “temptation” is also absent. But it’s not Wikipedia that needs a happy family life. Therefore, she may not know anything about temptation. And you just need it.

Therefore, let’s try to figure out what a seductive woman is from a man’s point of view. Fortunately, men are very primitive in this regard, because in their understanding, any woman who looks sexy and almost easily accessible is seductive. Here I will emphasize the word “almost” as the most important, since it is really very important to intuitively determine the line that will make you already seductive, but not yet easily accessible.

To the question: What clothes make a woman seductive - the answer is also very simple. Clothing that reveals and highlights the most important parts female body, rather than hiding them. Simply put - open clothes. To be properly understood and at the same time prove that not only a short cocktail dress can be sexy, I will give two options casual wear. On the left, the girl is dressed very stylishly and beautifully. On the right is sexy.

When choosing clothes for your wardrobe, you have so far made a choice in favor of stylish and beautiful clothes. But now it’s time to update it a little with short skirts, blouses with a neckline, dresses with cutouts and open backs and other seductive things.

Needless to say, a new wardrobe requires new hairstyle, new manicure, makeup and handbag? I think everything is clear here. Of course all this is needed. Is this really necessary? Yes. Absolutely necessary. This is the first step towards the perfect balance between seductive and inaccessible.

So appearance radically updated. You look in the mirror and don't recognize yourself. You may be a little shy, but you will quickly get used to seeing yourself “almost naked.” And soon you will even be able to go out and show yourself to your colleagues and friends, who will, of course, appreciate your appearance, which will give you many pleasant moments. And if you ask: how often do I need to look so seductive? The answer is always. You, like any woman, always need to look seductive. First, to attract a man. And then - to keep him forever. Luckily for you, most women don't fully understand this. And you understand. Which gives you an absolute advantage over everyone.

Now that your appearance is seductively irresistible, it is important not to make gross behavioral mistakes common to many women. The first mistake is when a woman, along with seductive clothes, seems to put on a mask of indifferent contempt for others. This always turns men off. What attracts you? A slight blush of embarrassment. It makes a woman absolutely irresistible and desirable in the eyes of every man. A half-smile and a slightly embarrassed look, as if saying: “Well, it’s not my fault that I look so seductive,” acts on men like a magnet. And at the same time it gives them the confidence they need to come up and try to impress you. And then makes him forget about everything so that he can be close to you just a little longer. And even when leaving, mentally remain next to you.

Your sexy appearance, alluring smile, shy blush - this is the temptation. This is your body language, with which you attract men to you. And if a man appears next to you, then the first part of the balance has been met. Now begins a difficult game in progress, with which you need to continue to kindle desire in a man while remaining inaccessible to him. But gradually promising this availability at the moment when it seems to you that he might lose patience. To confirm this “promise”, you can give the man kisses from time to time, allow him to hug and kiss you. This is a must do. Please remember that men quickly lose interest in “completely impregnable fortresses.”

So, your goal is to give your man everything promised only when you fully feel that he is “yours forever.” In order to get to know you better, then fall in love, and then feel true love and affection - a man needs time. And of course, you yourself need this time. But the point is that all this time you must keep the man in suspense by stirring up his interest in you, including with sexy outfits.

There's another one here important point. There are some common clichés that say that a woman, when communicating with a man, should show her intelligence and shine with wit and almost demonstrate her talents. In fact, what is really necessary is the ability to listen. Sometimes there is nothing more important than listening with interest to everything a man wants to tell you. About himself, about his exploits, about his awkward family life, about the design of a dynamo - about anything. Each of us sometimes needs a listener. And if you can talk enough with your girlfriend and cry to her, then for a man you can sometimes become the only grateful listener to everything that has accumulated in his soul. And his gratitude for this will know no bounds. And his affection for you will grow as the burden from his soul falls away. You may ask: should I act as a psychotherapist? Yes, they should. We must listen to him sympathetically and console him. Just like a man should protect you, take care of you, pamper you with compliments and gifts. This is how roles in relationships are distributed.

Even if things don’t work out and you decide that he’s not “your type,” you can always (by mutual agreement) remain friends. Every woman always needs male friends. They allow you to brighten up moments of loneliness, provide help and support in difficult situations. They will serve as a vest into which you can cry when faced with everyday disappointment.

Now let's look at some practical questions questions that you may have during the course of this article.

You probably want to ask: Is it possible to become seductive after 30? Yes. And after 40? Yes. And after 50? Of course yes. You can become seductive regardless of age and physical characteristics.

Second question: Where to go in search of men having acquired a new seductive image?

Previously, everyone who wanted to meet an intelligent girl was sent to the library. However, before you go somewhere special, listen to the stories of your married girlfriends about where they found their husbands. And you will quickly see how fate brings people together in unpredictable ways and what unexpected meetings there are. If you look great and are ready for a new relationship, then this relationship can arise at any time and anywhere. On the way to work, in the park while you are walking the dog. And even in extreme situations: You suddenly get a flat tire, and a man passing by decides to help and immediately falls in love with you.

Various courses provide a lot of opportunities for making new acquaintances (and therefore relationships). Starting from courses in English ending with roller skating or snowboarding school. Wherever there are group classes, group members, as a rule, quickly get to know each other. You can choose courses that would not only be of interest to you for self-development, but also those where there are obviously more men than women. This way you will immediately be the center of attention.

It is well known that trips to resorts are an excellent opportunity for dating. However, experience shows that there is a much higher probability of having an affair there with a person living on the other side of our vast country, and then suffering from love at a distance until it completely fades away.

Bars, nightclubs, restaurants are absolutely unsuitable places for dating because they are tempting clothed woman in them they can always be mistaken for a girl prostitute. And men who visit such establishments are not needed and for nothing.

As for dating sites... everything is ambiguous here. Opinions about them vary greatly. On the one hand, such sites seem to be a refuge for the desperate and perverts. On the other hand, I personally know four happy married couples who found each other using the Internet. Therefore, if you take reasonable precautions, it is quite possible to meet someone on the Internet. In addition, the Internet provides an excellent opportunity to communicate with a person for as long as you like before deciding to meet with him.

And another opportunity to make new acquaintances are parties, get-togethers, hikes, weddings, corporate events, birthdays and other events where many guests are present. You should not sit in front of the TV if you know that today they are having fun somewhere, and you are on the invitation list. You need to be where the fun is, even if you have known everyone invited for a long time. Fate always brings surprises.

So let's summarize.

In order to find family happiness you need:

First, end all unrequited, unsatisfactory relationships that exist mostly in your head and create deceptive illusions. They are a barrier to real and happy relationship.

Secondly, realize the importance of the seduction factor and bring your appearance into full compliance.

Thirdly, be psychologically prepared for the fact that new relationships can arise at any time, anywhere. And if you want, increase their likelihood by diversifying your life with cultural and educational events.

Fourthly, do not reject new men who appear in your life right out of the gate. It is necessary to give men a chance to prove themselves.

And fifthly, what is most important - when playing and seducing, you must remain inaccessible to desired man until you realize together that your relationship is forever.