What years of marriage are considered a crisis? Psychology of family relationships: crisis in marriage

Marriage is the painstaking work of two people, not beautiful fairy tale. After a certain period of time, every couple experiences a crisis that they must learn to overcome. Many people cannot cope with difficulties and see only one way out of this situation - divorce. Periods when everything falls out of hand, irritation grows like a snowball, and you don’t want to return home from work - this is a pattern. This is what is called a crisis in psychology. Relationships are tested for strength. Turning points in life together are divided into several stages, which you should know about in advance in order to easily overcome them and stay together.

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Signs of a Coming Crisis

Each unit of society is individual, so the peaks of discord between spouses can occur at different times. In the psychology of marriage, the most important crisis periods fall on 1 year, 3 years, 5 years, 7-8, 10-11, 12-15 and 20 years of marriage. Overcoming them with dignity and maintaining love for each other is very difficult. To do this, you need to learn to smooth out rough edges and make concessions.

• conflicts arising for any reason;
• aggressive behavior and unwillingness to listen to the other half;
• lack of intimacy;
• loss of interest in a partner;
• monotony and boredom.

First crisis: a year of marriage

In the first year, many spouses experience disappointment in their partner. This is precisely the period when a person begins to objectively evaluate the person with whom he shares living space. Everyone’s usual way of life is disrupted, normal family routine begins: the newlyweds get used to each other and get used to it. A real person with all the advantages and disadvantages appears before the partner. Not every marriage is able to cope with this test. According to statistics, 90% of married couples do not survive the first turning point and file for divorce. They hope that things will be different with a new partner. But the crisis is natural, and it will definitely make itself felt in another union.

Causes of the crisis after one year family life are:

1. 1. Differences in habits. For example, a woman hates clutter, and a man throws his socks everywhere. Or she takes up the bathroom for two hours every morning, making him late for work and irritable. Disagreements can arise out of nowhere; they are the result of different views on life and habits.
2. 2. Temperaments. Each person has his own character. The husband may be hot-tempered, and the woman may be too calm. Hence different reactions and assessments of current events. Differences in temperament can cause mutual resentment and misunderstandings.
3. 3. Financial and domestic difficulties. In the first year of marriage, spouses learn to decide various problems of a domestic and financial nature, which often becomes the cause of quarrels.

Such a turning point in the life of a couple is overcome quite simply: the spouses need to learn to make compromises. You should also avoid ultimatums and not accumulate grievances, but openly discuss disturbing situations and controversial issues. To survive the first crisis, you need to put your emotions aside. All families go through this path.

It is important not to be afraid that love has disappeared; you need to look at your partner with new eyes and try to accept him with all his advantages and disadvantages.



3-5 years married

Most often, after 3 years of living together, spouses have their first child. The role of parents aggravates the situation, because the baby requires maximum attention and strength. The woman devotes all her time to him, forgetting about her husband. The spouse suffers from lack of attention and care. Sex becomes less and less frequent or disappears altogether, partners move away from each other. Most men take on mistresses at this point.

To prevent the birth of children from becoming a reason for divorce, you need to learn to share household responsibilities and caring for the baby. It is important for a woman not to forget to take care of herself and show interest in a man. It is necessary to periodically spend time alone with each other, sending the child to grandma or leaving the child with a nanny.

A crisis in family life is often associated with a woman going to work. After 5 years of marriage, the child grows up, and she begins to pursue a career. A young mother has many more responsibilities, and the woman, experiencing stress, throws out all the negativity on her husband. In such a situation, a man is recommended to take on some of the responsibilities. The wife will appreciate it.

Advice from psychologists on how to overcome the crisis of 3-5 years of marriage:

1. 1. The main thing is not to exaggerate. Difficult period will definitely be left behind, in a year the baby will grow up, and the young mother will have time for rest and for her beloved man. You shouldn’t waste time and nerves on meaningless quarrels, you need to be patient and wait a little.
2. 2. Mutual assistance. Spouses should help and support each other in every possible way. It is much easier to make claims than to surround your partner with care. Under no circumstances should you show your irritation to a loved one.



7-8 years of family life

After 7-8 years of marriage, the spouses face another crisis. This is exactly the period when partners begin to get psychologically tired of each other. Interest in the second half gradually fades away, and people think that love has passed. In such a situation, it is urgent to take action and save the family from divorce. The best way get rid of routine - bring new sensations into life.

The following tips may help:

1. 1. It is recommended to bring romance back into the relationship. Don’t skimp on gifts, use your imagination and arrange surprises. You should start going to the movies again and walking in the park holding hands.
2. 2. A great way to diversify your married life and add positive emotions is to go on vacation without children for at least a week. A change of environment will help you relax and look at your partner with different eyes.
3. 3. They will help you get closer joint activities: swimming, morning jogging, cycling or skating - depending on the time of year.
4. 4. Diversify intimate life. Sex is a powerful weapon that can resurrect a marriage from the ashes. A woman can buy a new one underwear, erotic costume or purchase unusual toy in a sex shop.
5. 5. Look at the situation through the eyes of another. Both the man and the woman have accumulated a lot of mutual claims over the course of 7-8 years of marriage. It is important to understand that married couples who are completely satisfied with each other simply do not exist. A person may not see shortcomings in himself, but this does not mean that he is deprived of them. The partner has to endure a lot, turning a blind eye to the other’s shortcomings and concentrating on the strengths.

10-11 years

Over the course of 10-11 years of marriage, the couple manages to have children and successfully overcome several recessions and revivals. A crisis is an important stage in a relationship, which makes it clear that the usual pattern of behavior has outlived its usefulness, and it is necessary to introduce something new into life. Having overcome a turning point in marriage, spouses become closer friend to friend.

How to get out of a crisis after 10 years of marriage:

1. 1. The most important thing is not to be afraid of turning points and to be prepared for them. After overcoming the relationship crisis, the couple reaches a new level. Spouses need to learn to talk openly with each other about all disturbing moments.
2. 2. If you cannot overcome the crisis on your own, it is recommended to seek help from a professional psychologist. A specialist will find the root of the problems and help solve them in the shortest possible time.
3. 3. You need to work on relationships. In order for the fire of passion between spouses not to go out, it is necessary to maintain interest in each other and spend time alone. You can take a walk in the park, go to a restaurant, or go to a country hotel for a couple of days. This will refresh your senses.
4. 4. It is important to satisfy each other's sexual needs. If the spouse lacks intimate affection, the marriage may be in jeopardy.
5. 5. It is recommended to avoid conflict situations, do not reproach your partner and treat him with due respect.
6. 6. A radical change of image will help revive feelings. A new look, hairstyle, makeup, demeanor will intrigue and surprise your partner.

If a husband and wife understand, respect each other and openly share their experiences, it means that over the years of living together they have managed to become truly close people. Such couples will survive the crisis years painlessly.

12-15 years

This period of crisis is most often associated with children growing up. The child becomes an independent person whose opinion must be taken into account. At such a moment, disagreements may arise between spouses regarding parenting methods. A woman wants to protect and protect her child from the whole world, and a man sees him as an adult and is practically ready to let him go into life. On this basis, misunderstandings arise.

The most important thing in this situation is not to forget about the child, finding out which spouse is right and who is wrong. We need to look for compromises and support each other, then this crisis will soon be overcome.

20 or more years

After 20 years of marriage, children grow up and leave the parental home, which becomes the cause of the next crisis. Spouses, left alone with each other, begin to feel empty. During such a period, both partners begin to feel like they are strangers.

The turning point after 20 years of marriage is most often caused by a midlife crisis. This period is especially difficult for men. It seems to the partner that with a young woman next to him he can return to his old days, and some men take a mistress. Gradually, the spouses move further and further away from each other. In such a situation, there is an urgent need to revive the relationship. Psychologists advise imagining yourself in at a young age and try to love each other again. You can go to a restaurant and reminisce over a glass of wine about the years you have lived together, then go for a walk through the places of your youth or go on vacation.

A crisis in family relationships is inevitable and necessary for their development. This is not a one-time phenomenon that will never happen again. The couple's life together is filled with events that cause critical consequences. There is no need to ignore problems, it is important to learn to overcome them and do it together. After all, marriage is a union of two people, and both partners must work on the relationship. Only then will the family be a strong and reliable rear.

And a little about secrets...

The story of one of our readers Alina R.:

I was especially depressed about my weight. I gained a lot, after pregnancy I weighed as much as 3 sumo wrestlers together, namely 92 kg with a height of 165. I thought the belly would go away after giving birth, but no, on the contrary, I began to gain weight. How to cope with perestroika hormonal levels and obesity? But nothing disfigures or makes a person look younger than his figure. In my 20s, I first learned that fat girls they call it “WOMAN” and that “they don’t make these sizes.” Then at the age of 29, divorce from my husband and depression...

But what can you do to lose weight? Laser liposuction surgery? I found out - no less than 5 thousand dollars. Hardware procedures - LPG massage, cavitation, RF lifting, myostimulation? A little more affordable - the course costs from 80 thousand rubles with a nutritionist consultant. You can, of course, try to run on a treadmill until you go crazy.

And when will you find time for all this? And it's still very expensive. Especially now. That's why I chose a different method for myself...

Family crisis is a difficult crossroads that every family goes through. And the main task is to emerge from the storm of adversity unharmed and at the same time save the family. Of course, this is not easy, and not every family can do it. We bring to your attention a few tips so that you can avoid underwater reefs in family life.

Overcome the crisis of the first year

The first crisis can begin for spouses just a year after marriage. As people call it - grinding into each other. And here only the experience of their parents can help a young couple. Both one and the other spouse should look back and see from the outside how his parents lived, how he grew up in this family, how his parents behaved in a difficult situation. After all, a young couple unconsciously, but still copies the actions of their parents. Therefore, decide for yourself which ways of overcoming the crisis you are ready to adopt from your parents, and which ones you are ready to challenge?

Third year of marriage

At this time, as a rule, a child appears in a young family, and they take on new roles - the role loving parents. This crisis is easier to bear than all others. Mostly during this period, the spouse suffers, because all the attention that once only went to him was suddenly taken away by the child. He becomes irritable, internal discontent grows, he feels deprived...

Five years of married life

The baby has grown up... Mom went to work... Mom just doesn’t have enough time and physical strength to keep up with everything everywhere. The spouse must take on some family responsibility, but... he is simply not ready for this! To get out of this crisis, the spouse must rethink his entire life and distribute responsibilities in the family. For example, the wife is responsible for dinners in the family, so let the husband clean the apartment.

The most difficult crisis at 7 years old

Seven years of family life have passed. In psychology, this period is called the crisis of monotony. The child is growing up, there are no more feelings for the spouse, only habit, responsibilities are distributed... Peace and quiet. But that same grace is not there! Both she and he have needs for new sensations, for fresh emotions. And if the spouse has a mistress on the side, and there is peace and stability at home, everything suits him. The wife is ready to “give up everything” and go to her new admirer.

Advice: just sit down in the kitchen in the evening and discuss this problem. We also need to talk about this.

14 years of marriage

A serious crisis in the family life of both spouses. It can also be said that this is a dangerous period. The child has - adolescence, parents have a midlife crisis, family life has a severe crisis. Everything comes crashing down at once. How can you “get over it”? This period forces you to take a fresh look at your life. After all, life is increasingly seen in the most " dark colors". A feeling of dissatisfaction... I would like to change something... It is worth remembering that everything in this world is changeable, this time will pass, everything will change - everything ends someday.

empty nest

Having overcome a crisis together for 14 years, you should not move away from each other... You have tested your feelings for strength, and together you will experience a new, emerging crisis - an “empty nest.” The child grew up and left his father's house. You suddenly began to realize that you have no topics for conversation, take free time nothing...

Advice: get to know your spouse again. After 20 or even 25 years have passed, you can become infatuated with your spouse again, just like the first time. Love this person again!

And finally...

- this is the same school. It has interesting and exciting, “favorite” lessons, and sometimes there are difficult and boring exams. Try to prepare and pass every exam with flying colors and be happy!

Marriage is a very complex phenomenon that each of us must experience in our lives. But everyone succeeds the first time, and often the reason for divorce is not only a difference in character or the husband’s betrayal, it can be a completely standard manifestation of one of the family crises that the couple could not survive. Family relationships tend to undergo periodic crises over time

You can long and persistently teach and instruct each spouse about what awaits him at the new stage of his life. But in the end, no one can warn us against the mistakes that we ourselves will make. And I completely agree with those who believe that you can only learn something from your own experience. Sometimes it is very difficult to understand what is going on between two people throughout their life, relationship and marriage. What two can understand cannot be understood by a third.

Therefore, before you read this article, I would like to tell you that when solving problems or crises, you should first of all rely on your feelings and your intuition. It’s not for nothing that they say that the heart never lies. It is quite possible that the crisis in your relationship is associated not only with the passage of a certain number of years, but with real problems that you need to solve. Or perhaps you just realized that your feelings have faded over time - and this is not scary, the main thing is to be able to make this decision and move on no matter what.

What is a crisis in family relationships?

And so, in order to determine whether there is a crisis in your family or a completely different problem, you first need to understand what we are dealing with. And here are the main signs of a crisis in family relationships:

• absence of disputes, or, on the contrary, constant scandals. Many psychologists, and ordinary people also believe that the absence of quarrels and scandals is a sign of indifference, or their weakening. But this does not always happen; it is possible that you and your spouse have calm personalities, or you are used to resolving conflicts peacefully by talking.
• in a conflict, even a groundless one, everyone insists on their own opinion and does not try to understand the other side. This is a rather difficult situation that not every family can cope with. Misunderstanding or anxiety towards each other can sometimes cause such misunderstanding, and maybe a loss of feelings or fatigue. No matter what, if your feelings are still strong and you feel it, you should not be led by conflicts. Learn and teach your spouse to listen to each other and be more patient.
• aggression as a defensive reaction to the spouse’s aggression;
• one of the partners refuses intimacy. The reasons for this phenomenon can be completely different, so you shouldn’t concentrate your main attention on it until you figure out what’s going on.
• one of the spouses refuses to take part in decision making. This may be due not only to a crisis in relationships, but also to internal psychological problems.
• undivided responsibilities are very typical for young families who cannot really decide what each family member is responsible for.
• one of the spouses has withdrawn into himself, which may be due to a midlife crisis in one of the spouses. During this period, he tries to rethink his life, he feels a feeling of dissatisfaction, which means he begins to think about changing himself and his family life;
• absence of any conversations between spouses, or reluctance to talk for a long time;
• a woman during a crisis in family relationships stops thinking about herself, devotes herself to her family and turns into a “cook.” Unfortunately, almost every woman has to deal with this phenomenon, despite the fact that the situation in modern family has changed and the woman is trying to devote more and more time to work and personal self-development;
• workaholism often accompanies a crisis in family life. I think the concept is familiar to many. Everyone has had to deal with a situation when a husband is late at work, or a wife is harassed by constant phone calls from work, unexpected weekend meetings, working from home and much more.
• lack of emotional support between partners.

Also, the causes of the crisis may be problems in relationships with relatives, problems at work, moving to another city or country, as well as changes in financial situation. The most difficult factors are job loss, death of a close or relative, serious illness and the birth of children with disabilities.

Psychology of family crises

Some families are able to cope with crises on their own, while others require professional help. As a rule, in such families even the smallest conflicts are not resolved. By lacking the ability to resolve conflicts, the family creates additional difficulties for itself, and goes from crisis to crisis increasingly and with increasing dissatisfaction from its spouse and joint family life.

Even modern psychology of family crises cannot give a clear answer to the question of how to properly get out of difficult situations in a relationship with a partner. “All families are equally happy, each family is unhappy in its own way,” I just want to say in addition to the topic. We all strive to be better and create the most ideal family. But this big job, which both need to work on, and not everyone succeeds. Each family has its own strengths and weaknesses, its own rules and obligations, tasks and problems.

If it seems to you that your family at this stage is simply overwhelmed with unresolved conflicts, there is a failure within your family, and you are no longer able to cope with it on your own, then you should seek help from a professional who specializes in the psychology of family crises. There is nothing shameful in this; in many European countries it has already become mandatory for spouses to have family psychologist who is ready to help at any moment. This is one of those things that we really should borrow from the outside, because there is nothing wrong with taking a problem to the person who understands it best.

Development of family relationships

Scientists identify several stages in the levels of relationship development:

• 1. The period, better known as the candy-bouquet period, is the period of courtship. It's time to fall in love romantic meetings, the couple has not yet started living together;
• 2. The period of living together without children, the beginning of a family;
• 3. The period of living together with children. The wife and husband try on the role of mother and father;
• 4. The period of maturity in life together. The family becomes a large mechanism that requires more and more resources, and a second and third child appear;
• 5. The period of family with adult children. Parents and children are becoming older and preparing to leave the family;
• 6. Grown children leave the family, and the spouses are left alone again.

Crisis of family relations by year

First year of marriage is critical due to the fact that the couple is just getting used to each other and getting used to each other in everyday life. The spouses do not want to share responsibilities in any way and change the lifestyle to which each of them is accustomed. Example: he is a morning person - you are a night owl, he creates a mess, and you clean it up, he is more economical, and you are used to spending a lot - these and similar conflicts become a real problem that requires interaction of both sides and joint discussion. All this leads to frequent conflicts and discord, which can lead to divorce if they are not resolved in time. Most often, adjustments pass over time, and over time, spouses learn to find compromises, understand and accept each other for who they really are. And most importantly, do not lose love and trust, which are the main companion in your entire life together. The next family crises over the years will be much easier for spouses who were able to find mutual understanding.

Third year of marriage is critical because the couple transforms from passionate lovers into loyal companions. In the first three years of marriage, the couple has their first child and the responsibility of raising a new personality falls on the shoulders of the parents, which for now is completely and entirely dependent on you. Material costs increase, as well as the physical and psychological impact on each family member. The spouse devotes all her time to the child and the spouse begins to feel superfluous and unnecessary in his home, and your task is to prove to him that everything is not as it seems. Let him feel not only like a spouse and housewife, but also an excellent father. Remember that your responsibilities include being not only the parents of the baby, but loving and trusting spouses. Also during this period, each spouse is concerned about home improvement, personal and professional growth, and personal problems. Psychological and physical stress can cause alienation and misunderstanding in the family. As a result of the birth of a child, a man often becomes sexually unsatisfied and begins to see all the shortcomings of his other half - and this applies not only to men, but also to women. Banal mutual understanding and respect will help you overcome the crisis, and remember that you yourself are not without shortcomings.

Fifth year of marriage is critical because the woman returns to labor activity after the birth of the child. She faces several tasks at once: raising a child, professional responsibilities, maintaining family comfort, and her external image. She understands that she cannot cope with all tasks at once. She needs new emotions, but she does not have the opportunity to get them - hence the possible nervous breakdowns And psychological problems, and also often they have lovers. Men must be very careful and attentive to their wives during this period, otherwise they risk losing their family. How to survive a crisis in family relationships - involve your grandmother in caring for the child, hire an au pair if you yourself cannot help your wife.

Seventh year of marriage is critical because it is associated with addiction. Life goes on as usual and it seems to the spouses that further existence will not bring anything new and interesting, something like the “limit of development.” It is during this period that real financial expenses begin - kindergarten, clothes for the child, for yourself and your husband, as well as food and many other necessary things. It seems that the list of necessary things will never end, and there is always not enough money. This causes disputes and conflicts within the family. The crisis of family relationships may worsen over the years if the child’s father does not want to give up his old habits, finds a new hobby and again begins to feel like a “hunter”. And the wife may well decide that one child is enough for her, but she has neither the strength nor the desire to care for the second - her husband. It is women during this period who can initiate divorce.

Fourteenth year of marriage is critical because it is associated with hormonal changes in both men and women. Many psychologists consider this period the most dangerous for a married couple. Statistics note that every fifth person at the age of 40-50 starts a second family, and in most cases, the chosen ones are girls 15-20 years younger than their spouse (“gray hair, devil in the rib” - this is precisely about this period), and some simply constantly change partners. Experts believe that this is due to a decrease in sexual potency, as a result of which the man tries to prove to himself and everyone around him that this is not so. Result: leaving the family, young mistress, many sexual partners, etc. phenomena. This is a unique version of female menopause. Women do not stand aside during this period - there is increased irritability and nervousness, but their sexual activity during this period increases, unlike men (“forty-five - old lady again”). But in fact, the main reason for all the changes that occur is damn banal - the fear that Life is going, but nothing changes: the same job, the same person nearby, the same repeating days, etc. To solve the crisis, psychologists recommend organizing something like a second honeymoon with your spouse, but the initiative must come from both sides. Do not forget that you have lived together for so many years and were able to overcome not a single crisis of family life, which means that your family still has a core, a foundation, which is the key to successful and happy family– your task is only to remember this and develop relationships so that there is no feeling of “stagnation”.

Ways out of a family relationship crisis

Of course, there is no ideal solution, because this is an individual process. Each of us goes through the crisis of family life in our own way: for some the problem becomes more acute, but for others it passes unnoticed. Below I will give you some tips to help you cope with the stressful period in... family relationships.

The main rule in any relationship, not only family, but also friendly, is to talk, discuss problems and under no circumstances hush up the problem. One of the main reasons for married couples to turn to a psychologist is the difficulty of communication between spouses, and only 40% of all problems are related to financial and sexual problems. Therefore: talk people, talk. This is an important step towards solving many problems and misunderstandings.

Take seriously all claims, as well as your husband’s concerns and problems, because this is how complicity in the life of your loved one is manifested. In addition, your support in resolving difficult situation is very important for any person - it will speak of you as a faithful person who can be trusted and with whom you can live your whole life without worry, back to back - hand in hand.

Another important rule – know how to forgive your loved ones and other halves, good family without this it is impossible, or it will not live very long. In addition, psychologists note that it is very important not only to forgive, but also to accept an apology. If you feel that you are not ready for a truce and do not want to communicate with your spouse in the near future, then you should inform him about this. After all, in the end, your silence without presenting claims and without explanations may simply get boring for him. And then the ending may turn out to be completely different from what you planned.

Do not manipulate your husband, for example, by denying him intimacy. Bring romance back into your relationship: a dinner for two, a trip to the movies, unexpected text messages during the workday, or cute notes on the refrigerator. Try to avoid the everyday routine, bring something new into each new day - it doesn’t have to be something large-scale, even small but pleasant little things will make your life together brighter and more interesting. Even simple compliments can have an amazing effect (remember how long ago you complimented your spouse since your wedding day?). Ideally, set aside a few days that you will spend just the two of you (the children can be sent to grandma or left with their friends, they will only be happy).

Intimacy is an integral part of family relationships, and one should not forget about it in the routine of everyday worries. Diversify and improve your intimate life, it will be a sip fresh air in solving your problems. By the way, physical intimacy helps maintain a strong connection between spouses, but its absence can lead to numerous conflicts.

Except love relationship, do not forget to maintain friendship - this is one of the foundations of a family, which allows you to maintain relationships for a long time and solve pressing problems and avoid crises in family life.

Conflicts also have their own rules that should not be violated if you do not seek to destroy the family, but only want to convey to your partner the essence of your complaints:

• Do not under any circumstances insult him or criticize him in the presence of strangers, it looks very ugly. This rarely happens in the heat of a fight, but you should watch what you say. If possible, try to avoid controversial topics that relate to politics, religion, etc. But not concerning family, children and your relationships. A good solution for when you are overwhelmed with emotions is to write everything on a piece of paper.
• leave each other personal space, that is, each family member should have a place where he can be alone and calm down.
• An interesting option: try to look at your spouse with different eyes - dive deeper into his hobbies, you can chat with his parents and childhood friends, who will tell you a lot of interesting things about your other half. The psychology of family crises is such that the fewer common interests you have, the higher the likelihood of a breakup.
• you may have completely different hobbies, but it’s okay if you start doing one of them together - it could be dancing, sport sections or creation of a work. Hobbies as a couple will unite you and make your family stronger.

How to survive crises in family life?

Don’t forget that throughout life, each of us changes and develops, so it’s not surprising that the person you initially fell in love with has changed - you haven’t remained the same either, be more tolerant of such things. Only if you have due respect for your soulmate will you be able to survive all the crises of family life together.

Respect is another important key to saving a marriage; each partner must respect the other as an individual, and his habits and hobbies as a consequence. You may not like them, but they should be respected as an important part of your significant other's personality. Without respect in family life, the flow of reproaches and understatements will be endless, which most often leads to disastrous consequences

Under no circumstances should you break off a relationship or move away when the first signs of a crisis appear, because the sooner you start working on the problem, the greater the chances of saving your family. After all, this is exactly what you want?

It is naive to believe that all problems will be solved by themselves and the crisis of family relationships will disappear without your participation. And if it doesn’t work out, then it’s not my person, and I need to look for someone who loves me, who will understand me. With this position in relationships, you will face problems and constant conflicts from one to the other. It is worth remembering that you chose the person you love, you love him. And if the feelings remain the same on your part and on his part, everyone should possible ways try to save the family that you two decided to create.

Represents a period of life together when there is a weakening of emotional intimacy, infatuation and passion. Confusion, doubt, and a feeling of impasse arise.

Characteristics of the crisis period

On the one hand, there is an established common life and relationships. On the other hand, it happens satiation with addiction, thoughts arise about the doubtfulness of further life together, about the mistake of choice. This inevitably leads to quarrels, conflicts, and disagreements. Often spouses cannot even understand the reasons for their occurrence.

The occurrence of crises is individual, because each family is unique, it has its own characteristics, rules, traditions. It is difficult to compare families; one can only identify certain common features that are characteristic of all. Much depends on the behavior of family members.

There are practically conflict-free relationships within a couple, and there are those in which disagreements arise especially often. But there are psychologically important periods in family relationships when the danger of conflicts is most likely. One of these dangerous periods– crisis 7 years of marriage. Psychologists consider this period a kind of turning point.

Peculiarities

After seven years of marriage together, a crisis of monotony and accumulation of problems often begins. For 7 years, life has been adjusted. Family responsibilities are shared. The child(ren) is growing up. A feeling of routine, emptiness, and monotony is created.

A crisis is not born out of thin air. It begins with small strokes that intensify and reach a climax. Initial symptoms of a crisis: focusing on shortcomings rather than best qualities partner, the pressure of everyday life, weakening pleasure from communication.

Fact. During the seven-year crisis in family relations, the number of divorces is increasing.

Due to predictability and constancy, there is a distance from each other. Interest loses its edge. Conflicts begin. Although this figure is quite arbitrary and individual. Rather, its average value is given. After all, each individual marriage has its own laws of development, features, traditions, and characters.

Main signs of crisis 7 years

During this period the following phenomena are observed:

• increased frequency of quarrels, angry statements;
• manifestation of indifference;
• weakening of sexual sensations;
• showing interest in other possible partners.

Usually after seven years married life there is a child in the family, sometimes more than one. Disputes about growing children can also be a reason for family quarrels. There is not always agreement on issues of education. Sometimes children do not live up to expectations and hopes. This can give rise to mutual reproaches. But children can feel their supposed guilt, and this will not have the best effect on them

Advice. There is no need to assume that the child does not understand anything at all. It is enough to listen to the stories of adults about their childhood memories to understand that even if now he is not fully aware of what he is observing, this does not cancel his feelings and emotions.

The couple are still beautiful and young. Sometimes there are attempts to try yourself in other relationships. At this age there are many suitable candidates. It seems to the spouse that it is important to feel like a man, to be distracted. And women may wonder: did she choose that one? However, others seem better from a distance. The shortcomings are not immediately noticeable. Time will pass and they will reveal themselves.

There is a misconception that the best is behind us. Ahead lies boredom, monotony, problems. During the 7-year crisis, it is often the woman who initiates quarrels. Drunkenness, drug addiction, and beatings cannot be justified. In other cases, there are a lot of compromises.

Causes of crisis situations

1. Feeling of monotony, monotony, the too familiar rhythm of existing relationships. The days are alike.
2. Moving away from each other, decreased sexuality. Lack of romance. Decreased tenderness and sensuality. Ignoring the importance of the sexual side of life for men. Weakening of the desire to be sexually attractive to the husband.
3. The emergence of disagreements. All traits and aspects of character have already been learned. They begin to defend their own opinion, infringing on the position of the other half. Satisfying your own desires while ignoring your partner’s needs. Inability to give in or compromise.
4. Everyday problems. Mutual reproaches on this basis.
5. Lack of romance. It is important especially for women. The absence or smaller number of admirations, crazy actions, and holidays reduces emotional satisfaction.

How to survive a relationship crisis

It is necessary to consider and decide whether saving the marriage is truly necessary. And what does your partner think about it? Without confidence and desire, it is difficult to save family relationships.

However, in most cases the prognosis remains positive. We need to analyze the time spent together, traditions, habits. Among which, identify events with a “plus” and “minus” sign.

Events and facts with a plus sign

• outdoor recreation with the whole family;
• joint trips to the sea and other vacation spots;
• interesting time spent together: mushroom hunting, swimming in the river, visiting sports complexes, cultural events;
• the presence of feelings that you are loved and in love;
• any interesting entertainment: picnics, cinema, excursions, cafes.

Events and facts with a minus sign

• disdainful attitude towards a partner during joint affairs;
• receiving reproaches instead of the expected support and praise;
• expression of disapproval or envy.

An analysis of everyday life, relationships, reasons for cooling, disappointments is necessary.

A reliable way is to simply talk. Silence only makes problems worse.

It is important to understand that there is no one person to blame for the current situation. Both are always to blame. Be able to admit this to yourself honestly, without shifting all the blame onto your marriage partner.

Important. Without hearing each other, it is impossible to reach agreement.

Review your own requirements. Cannot or does not want to fulfill a request - two different things. Don't feel the need to justify yourself. Simple communication and a change of scenery are optimal. Using the magic words “Have it your way.”

Providing personal space to the partner to fulfill individual needs. Everyone has the right to personal time and space, activities and thoughts.

What is important to do during a difficult period

The following actions will help you get out of the crisis with minimal losses, and even possibly gains:

• talk to each other, discuss any problem in a calm tone;
• not only talk, but also listen, and most importantly, hear;
• if possible avoid quarrels, pressure on each other;
• show love and tenderness, as before, because not only words are important, but also a look, a touch, a smile;
• make every effort to eliminate the displeasure, bring romance and, to some extent, play;
• identify irritating factors, find ways to get rid of them;
• calmly discuss, plan, set deadlines;
• set a common tempting goal, save money for it, try to enjoy even the little things together;
• distribute family responsibilities constantly helping each other;
• diversify your home and life in general;
• solve all financial issues together, give good advice, discuss issues of saving the family budget;
• don't reproach partner for what he didn’t have time to do, but praise him for what he has already done.

In particularly difficult cases, it is necessary to contact a specialist.

If difficult situations arise, it is recommended to contact psychologists. They will help you understand your specific situation and give individual advice. They also developed general recommendations.

1. If it is impossible to avoid quarrels be able to pause, be silent, write your complaints on a piece of paper. During the period of recording and simultaneous analysis, it is often possible to calm down by looking at the problem differently.
2. Remember a happy past. After all, at the beginning of our journey together, everything was different, there was a lot of light, kindness, and warmth. The feelings that gave birth to the family were sincere.
3. For happiness you definitely need traveling together 4-5 times a year. Don't forget about the romantic side of relationships. Trips do not have to be long, because the budget must be calculated rationally.
4. Escape from everyday life and routine, change the environment more often.
5. A woman, after giving birth to children, devoting almost all her time to them, don't forget about your husband. Live not for the sake of children, but with them, to remain happy.
6. Kolkikh avoid judgments and insults, forgive and apologize. Subsequently, this will be appreciated by the spouses.
7. Take a break from each other. Psychologists advise spending one month apart.
8. To many situations approach with a sense of humor, statements that can upset, turn into jokes.

Psychologists compare marriage to a living organism. Just as the body develops, changes, and sometimes gets sick, so does marriage.

Ways out of the crisis

Any crisis has its end. What it will be depends on the two.

The crisis of 7 years of marriage reveals weaknesses, points out gaps and shortcomings. There is always a way out.

However, if you were unable to overcome the crisis, you need to make sure that you really fought (at least six months).

Interesting. The 7-year crisis is a catalyst that helps you see cracks in relationships and family life.

Having overcome the crisis, it is necessary to bring relations to new stage development. After all, a period of second love may come. And do not strive to start another relationship without marriage. You just need to take care of yourself, body, appearance, soul.

Having survived the crisis with dignity, the family will only become stronger. The spouses will be able to like each other again. We just need to remember the importance of the following factors:

• communication;
• harmonious sex;
• attention, care, embodiment of crazy ideas.

The seven-year crisis is a kind of threshold that can be overcome while maintaining beneficial relationships in marriage. However, you can stumble, receiving a harbinger of a big thunderstorm on the family horizon. Skillfully overcoming the crisis will give confidence and strength for the further flourishing of relations. The entire future life of the family often depends on this.

Video consultation

Sergei Gudkov talks about the crises of the first, third and seventh years of life.

When young couples get married, they believe that everything will be like in a fairy tale: “They lived happily ever after.” In fact, from this moment the fairy tale just begins. And there are ups and downs in family relationships.

Such stages are natural for the development of a family and are an integral part of it. So, if you are faced with a family crisis, it means that the family is alive and developing. Let's look at the psychology of family crises together.

Family crises are stages of special psychological tension between partners. The family is not a static entity, therefore each phase of its development entails intense emotions among the spouses. At the same time, not only the family develops, but also each of its members individually.

Regardless of our wishes, the age-related crises of husband and wife intervene.

Let's also add social development. It is interesting that in any family, periods of crisis coincide in time. Quarrels and complaints against each other among spouses are not unique.

This leads to two conclusions. The first is that everything will pass, there is no point in getting angry and blaming each other. Secondly, you can prepare for crises and approach them fully armed.

How to determine that a family is on the verge of a new crisis? There are several warning signs to watch out for:

• decreased passion for a partner. Heart-to-heart conversations disappear; each other’s plans and interests are not discussed;
• separation. The husband withdraws from everyday affairs and immerses himself in work or hobbies. A wife can concentrate on children and everyday life, forgetting about her femininity;
• frequent quarrels or, on the contrary, absolute indifference. At the same time, after reconciliation, a feeling of understatement and resentment remains;
• loss of sexual activity in one or both partners. May be related to age characteristics. What should be especially alarming is the reluctance of tactile intimacy - hugs, kisses;
• showing disrespect. In arguments or debates, everyone is ready to hear only themselves. Distrust and resentment towards each other may appear;
• division of relatives and loved ones into camps “for the husband” and “for the wife”;
• workaholism. Applies mostly to men. Usually those who don’t feel needed at home go to work.

The appearance of such moments in family life may mean that it is time to turn around to face each other and start working on strengthening the marriage. And this is working on yourself, first of all, on your ability to accept your loved one and yourself as you are.

Stages of development of family relationships

Psychologists offer us various periodizations of family development. There are normative and non-normative family crises.

By normative crises we mean those that all families experience. In accordance with this periodization, the following stages are distinguished.

Premarital period. At this time, the formation of personality occurs, leaving parental family. A partner appears, the first courtship skills.

Starting a family, getting married. This is the period of the first crisis. Here family roles are distributed, boundaries are established for the closeness of spouses and their communication with relatives and friends.

Partners encounter each other for the first time in everyday life and compare perfect image loved one with its real manifestation. Some suddenly discover that their significant other snores or throws their socks around.

Frank conversations, delineation of your boundaries and a still great desire to be close allow you to successfully overcome this crisis and create the first basic fundamentals families.

Having children and families with young children. With the birth of their first child, the couple is faced with mastering a new role as parents. The emergence of new responsibilities, their distribution, long and sometimes exhausting care for a baby can become a serious test for a young family.

In addition to raising children, it is important to remain interesting and desirable to your partner.

In addition to the birth of children, this period also includes professional growth family members. Which also cannot but affect the relationship. We have to combine and balance between work and closeness with loved ones.

Not everyone succeeds at this right away; many take years to get used to the new rhythm and create a regime that suits everyone. Here, partners are required to be flexible and have a common understanding of the goals and values ​​of the family.

An important point in this stage is also the acquisition of new roles by grandparents - that is, grandparents. The appearance of grandchildren is an opportunity for them to pass on their experience and demonstrate new qualities.

Grandmothers can be overzealous in their desires to help in raising and caring for the child. Or, on the contrary, treat your new role too coldly.

It often happens that the parents of this same grandson are not happy with the interference in their family. This is where clearly defining the boundaries and rules of the family comes to the rescue.

The third crisis - children go to kindergarten and school. Here again, a redistribution of roles and the emergence of new tasks can occur, which leads to the search for new solutions. Changing the family regime, control over social life children, help with homework - all this will be provided to parents.

Family with children adolescence. This stage involves the adoption of new ways of behavior of the child. A teenager defends his independence.

And he does this, sometimes, in ways unexpected for parents - not always pleasant. It would be good for adults to remember themselves at this age in order to understand the actions of children.

In addition, this crisis often intersects with the midlife crisis of the parents themselves. And without that difficult relationships in the family are subject to additional tests. Reviewing your entire life and assessing your achievements is a rather difficult crisis for everyone.

It is at such moments that betrayal and divorce often occur. But even this crisis stage is not over.

It often happens that at the same time, grandparents experience their turning point - retirement. If a family has a close relationship with grandparents, then this will be reflected in it.

Stage of a family with adult children and their separation. A characteristic change during this period is that the spouses are again left alone. Their educational function is completed and they again have to find new ways to interact with each other.

Often couples get out of the habit of being alone. It is difficult for them to readjust and start devoting all their time only to themselves and their loved ones.

It is important that at this stage professional and social activity still remains. This is a wonderful period to get to know each other again, travel and enjoy life together.

The stage of departure of one of the partners. This is a crisis of loss and loneliness. The widowed partner adapts to his new life. Seeks connections with family, accepts help from loved ones.

All families go through similar crises in their lives. However, there are additional unexpected stressful situations called non-normative crises.

These include infidelity, long-term illness or death of one of the spouses, divorce, new marriage, moving, adoption of children and other situations that change the usual way of life of the family.

The ability of a family to overcome non-normative crises depends on its cohesion and the availability of resources to counteract stress.

Crises of family life by year

Every married couple in moments of quarrels has heard from those who are not indifferent: “Oh! Yes, this is your crisis of 1 (3-5-10) years of marriage.” What are these magical numbers that attract troubles into a measured, happy life?

So, for starters, there is a crisis of 1 year of life. At this time, the family has already been created, the time of courtship, flowers and dates has passed. In their place are disputes about who will take out the trash, what color of wallpaper will suit the bedroom, or who is the boss in the family.

Let's add the 24-hour presence of spouses side by side (at least on weekends) and we get a lot of unexpected discoveries in our loved one. Sometimes such grinding can be quite painful for partners.

Especially if these are already established individuals with a familiar way of life. And yet, usually, feelings for each other are still quite strong, and the desire to please a loved one exceeds the desire to dominate.

In such cases, the crisis passes easily and without unpleasant consequences. The roles are assigned and you can relax.

But not for long, there is a crisis of 3-4 years ahead. How intense the intensity of passions will be during this period depends on how successfully the first stage was completed.

It happens that in the first years some discontent is hushed up, spouses turn a blind eye to something, hoping that it will go away on its own. And then patience comes to an end.

It turns out that incorrectly set personal boundaries interfere with life, that the sweet snoring of a loved one begins to irritate. Now is the time to reconsider your agreements and meet with each other.

In addition, by the age of 3-4 years, families often already have a child. And this is also additional stress for partners who try on parental roles.

The next crisis awaits the couple after another three years of marriage. Crisis 7 years. This is a crisis of monotony and monotony.

The children grew up a little, the parents learned to see each other as they are, everything settled down and... It became boring! This is the stage of discovering new facets in a partner, a leap in development - personal and professional.

New travels, joint hobbies, and the birth of another child will help you overcome boredom.

Crisis 14 years. At this time, the couple is faced with their own personal midlife crisis. It’s a difficult time to evaluate previous years, rethinking your life and role in it. Naturally, this is reflected in the atmosphere in the house.

Men suddenly realize that their youth is gone and try to get it back by any means necessary. Some take a young lover, others ride a motorcycle and spend time in youth clubs.

Others learn to see the achievements of the past years and appreciate what they were able to acquire during this time - a faithful family, a favorite business. Women also experience changes, both physically and emotionally.

A feeling of loneliness and uselessness often accompanies women during this crisis. It’s good if spouses understand and help each other get through this difficult stage.

Ways out of the crisis

What should families in crisis do? To begin with, understand that once the crisis has happened, it means it is impossible to continue living according to the previous scenario. And a new image and rules should be created so that the family continues its development. Simple tips will help with this.

Been through family crisis It will help to understand that this is an inevitable stage of development. And here it is important to see a common goal, to believe in yourself and your partner, even if it seems that feelings have cooled down.

Remember, no matter what crises await you, there will always be a happy, bright period ahead.

In conclusion, let us say that crises are normal phenomenon. Any change inside or outside the family can affect it - and this will be a crisis. Overcoming such periods inevitably gives the family access to a new level of love and trust.

Additional information on the topic of the article can be found in the following video.