If conflicts arise between children in kindergarten. Causes of teacher-parent conflict, solutions

Children grow up, learn to walk and talk, get acquainted and play with their peers, and at the same time the first childhood conflicts begin: unshared shovels in the sandbox, quarrels over the rules of the game kindergarten. At this stage, it is very important that educators and parents show by example how to behave correctly during confrontation and resolve disputes without aggression and violence. physical strength.

Download:

Preview:

Children's conflicts in kindergarten

Children grow up, learn to walk and talk, get acquainted and play with peers, and at the same time the first childhood conflicts begin: unshared shovels in the sandbox, quarrels over the rules of play in kindergarten. At this stage, it is very important that educators and parents show by example how to behave correctly during confrontation and resolve disputes without aggression or the use of physical force.

Causes of children's conflicts

Conflict is an inevitable part of childhood, so it is impossible to prevent and neutralize all the confrontations that your baby will face. In quarrels with peers, children learn to find compromises and defend their opinions. All these skills will be useful to older children at school, university and adult life.

The task of parents and teachers in kindergarten is to teach them how to properly defuse a situation without causing physical injury, screaming and hysterics, so that in the future they can feel confident in any team.

It is important to understand the causes and origins of children's quarrels at different ages

• For example, two- and three-year-old children most often quarrel over unshared toys and destroyed structures. They do not yet know how to express their thoughts and emotions, so they often resort to physical force and cry to attract the attention of adults to their misfortune.
• By the age of 4-5 years, children express themselves better and can find a common language, but at the same time disputes arise. Very often, conflicts arise due to reluctance to play together, when one player refuses to indulge the other. As they get older, preschoolers argue over the rules of the game, its plot, and the “responsibilities” of their characters.
• Children under 5-6 years old do not yet comprehend their emotions and desires, which is why they are so careless about the wishes and preferences of others. Preschool children do not know how to put themselves in the place of another and cannot imagine their experiences. That is why the child will always defend his opinion to the last, will speak instead of listening to the interlocutor. All this leads to disputes and quarrels when players cannot find correct model behavior in situations that require joint activity. Parents must teach children to behave constructively in confrontation situations.

How not to respond to children's conflict?

• Non-intervention is one of the common mistakes of parents. If you have taught your child by example how to behave in a conflict situation, of course, you can and should allow him to end the argument on his own. If he becomes a victim of an aggressor and cannot find a way out of the confrontation without outside help, he needs to intervene and calmly end the conflict from the position of an adult.
• Avoidance is also not The best way resolving children's conflicts. Firstly, leaving for another kindergarten or a neighboring one playground does not resolve the conflict, but only delays time until the onset of a new crisis. Secondly, the baby does not receive the necessary knowledge on how to defend his position in a dispute, and feels insecure and defenseless. If this pattern of behavior is regularly repeated, the child will continue to avoid conflicts at school and at work in the future.
• Active confrontation is especially popular among impulsive and hot-tempered people who would never let their child be offended. Shouting, lecturing, being rude and blaming the offender will only frighten your preschooler and will also reinforce in his mind an incorrect model for ending an argument. Moreover, according to the law, you do not have the right to punish and educate other people’s children and even conduct explanatory conversations with them; their parents must take on this work.

• Biased attitude towards to your own child often prevents parents from understanding the causes of the quarrel. No matter how much you love your baby, remember that he can also be the instigator of a quarrel.
• In most cases, a ban on communicating with the offender is absolutely not justified. The guys argue and fight very often, but they also make up in a matter of seconds. There is no need to forbid your child to play with children with whom he quarrels. Separate them for a couple of days and then let them play together again. This period of time is quite enough for children to forget about grievances and restore their friendly relations. A ban on communication is really only necessary if you are faced with antisocial behavior one of your baby's playmates.
• Public punishment of an offending child, so popular among teachers in kindergartens, is unacceptable if we do not want to destroy the child’s self-esteem. Any explanatory conversations and punishments must be implemented in private. Even if the offended demand public punishment, do not allow them to insult and scold your child, promise to sort out the situation at home.

How to properly resolve children's conflicts?

Sometimes prevent child confrontation easier than resolving it, but it is not always possible to recognize the signs of an impending quarrel. Therefore, it is important for kindergarten teachers and parents to build the correct model of behavior in case of conflict between children.

If the child’s personal boundaries were violated, for example, someone pushed him or took away his favorite toy, you can act as an arbitrator. Ask the offender to apologize and return the item taken away, or find an adult responsible for the bully.

In the event of a quarrel, it is important to understand the causes of the conflict. The teacher or parent should ask both children to explain their emotions and desires so that they can understand the reasons for each other's behavior. You need to ask the debaters a few questions that will make them think:

• What caused the dispute?
• Have you tried to resolve the conflict between yourselves?
• How could the quarrel be avoided?
• What should each of you do to get what you want without offending your friend?
• How will you behave next time in a similar situation?

You sent your child to kindergarten. And so, the first: “He hit me!”, “She doesn’t want to be friends with me!” How older child, the more diverse the reasons that cause conflicts between children in kindergarten. What kind of showdown is this? Can they be avoided?

Causes of conflicts in kindergarten

2-3 years

2-3 summer child happily begins to play with other children, but these games are not always peaceful. Most often, children of this age quarrel over toys or because of the destruction of play structures, furnishings, or an imaginary play situation.

The reason for insults and quarrels is that children do not yet have sufficient communication skills.

4-5 years

Conflicts in kindergarten for children of this age most often arise if the child is not emotionally connected with his play partner. Thus, the desire to command may prompt him to leave the game with best friend and play with the one you like less, but obeys.

Games at this age become more complex: children decide what to play, who to include in the game and who to exclude; distribute roles: who will get the more attractive one, who will get the less attractive one.

Conflict may arise at any of these stages.

5-6 years

Disputes about what to play arise less and less at this age. Children are more conflicted about the plot of the game: what situations, characters and actions of these characters will be in it.

Conflicts may arise over the rules of the game: these are disputes about whether this or that child is acting correctly or incorrectly in the game.

Ways to resolve conflicts in kindergarten

2-3 years

In children aged 2-3 years, the main “argument” in disputes is the use of physical force: they push, fight, take away toys. Children may scream and cry, trying to attract the attention of the teacher, involving other children in the conflict.

4-5 years

At the age of 4-5, “play” conflicts in kindergarten are often resolved without adult intervention.

The teacher comes to the rescue only during “psychological attacks”, when the child screams, stamps his feet, cries and grimaces, without explaining anything.

But more often there is a verbal attack: instructions to the opponent what to do or what not to do: “Give it back,” “Leave.” Designation of one’s own position: “I will be a doctor.” Refusal to perform a required action.

5-6 years

To resolve conflicts in kindergarten, older preschoolers often use “threats” to complain to the teacher, stop playing, stop making friends in general, and words spoken with a threatening intonation: “Well!”, “Is that clear?”

The first logical justifications begin to appear: “I am first,” “I want it too,” “This is mine”; references to his role in the game - “I am a doctor and I know how to treat”, rhetorical questions: “Why did you break everything?”, “Why did you come here?”

Increasingly, children are using general rules: “We must share,” “The seller must be polite.”

At this same age, children begin to tease and call people names.

Conflict prevention is the task of parents

It is impossible to completely prevent conflicts between children in kindergarten, and it is not necessary. These situations and the way out of them are the basis for the child’s socialization in the future. Helping the child behave correctly in quarrels and disputes is the task of parents in the process. There are several ways to help.

Games

Play with your child: when there is a common goal, joy, feelings for a common cause, distribution of responsibilities, coordination of actions, the child learns to give in to the desires of others or convince them that he is right, and act to achieve a common result.

Very important role-playing games. Let the room become a hospital, a store, a highway, and the child become a doctor, a salesman, a driver. After all, any role requires a partner: doctor and patient, seller and buyer, and this contributes to the child’s development of communication skills.

Non-game type techniques

• Teach your child to greet and say goodbye and exchange impressions after the game.
• Let your child decide for himself when to start and finish the game, and assign roles independently.
• Listen carefully to your child and teach him to explain his feelings.

Control over your own emotions

When showing love to your baby, try not to plant thoughts of your own exclusivity in his mind. The child should know that you fulfill his wishes, and sometimes even his whims, not because you are obliged to do so, but because you love him. Sometimes ask the child to make concessions.

Remember, little egoists often get into conflicts in kindergarten and it is much more difficult for them to get out of such situations than for other children.

Conflicts in kindergarten are an inevitable element of communication in a team. What is the right thing to do in a given situation? We learn constructive communication, we learn how to properly “resolve” the situation.

Most people do not like conflict situations and are involved in them against their will. However, it is not always possible to avoid a showdown, especially when it comes to your child; here the issue definitely needs to be resolved. His comfort, self-confidence and health depend on this. Yes, yes, unresolved problems lead, sooner or later, to health problems.

It is better to resolve controversial issues immediately, not to be afraid of them and not to bring the situation to a critical point. And if you haven’t learned how to do this by now, now it’s time to fill the gap. Having learned to properly protect your child, you will no longer allow yourself to be offended.

Conflicts in kindergarten with the teacher

One of the options conflict situations– a quarrel or misunderstanding with the teacher. The very first and, alas, far from rare type of conflict of interests occurs in children. children's institution. This difficult period For almost everyone, it doesn’t go quite smoothly. It’s easier for those children who are not surrounded by excessive care at home. Indeed, it is better to go through this period unless something extraordinary happens.

Educators advise parents to be patient, not to cry with their children and not to wring their hands. It is difficult to say whether it is right that a child, turning blue, screams at the top of his voice, or does everyone go through this, and is this one of the stages of socialization? It's up to you to decide for yourself. Crying is only bad if it lasts long enough or has very specific consequences. If your child has some special needs or illnesses, you can choose another form of visiting a children's group, for example.

If you don't have this opportunity, you'll have to try different variants. Sometimes educators advise you to wait a little longer and then bring the child to kindergarten or, as an option, start bringing the child only for a walk.

Unfortunately, conflict in a kindergarten with a teacher is not that uncommon. This happens when the teacher is clearly out of place, or you make too high demands. Therefore, pay attention to whether the teacher has similar problems with other parents. If so, then it all depends on the form of the conflict; if a person behaves harshly, rudely, starts diagnosing children, and so on, it will be extremely difficult to talk to her. But probably. Try to establish a dialogue, perhaps on abstract topics. Remember – communication solves everything or almost everything. If the dialogue does not work out, go to the manager. As a rule, after this, teachers behave more correctly.

Another option is to ask someone close to you (husband, grandmother) to talk to the teacher, in case they find a common language faster. If nothing helps and the conflict with the kindergarten teacher continues, which happens quite rarely, change the group or kindergarten.

Complaints from parents to teachers

The second option is that you are making too high demands on the state kindergarten. Yes, yes, no matter how unpleasant it may be to realize, this happens. Even if your demands are completely justified and you do all this at home for your child. The realities of our educational institutions are slightly different. And no matter how much the teacher wants to help you, he has 30 people in his group, and sometimes more. In this situation, try to slow down. Both in intonation and in requirements. Sit at home and analyze the situation.

If you think that there are blatant violations that harm children, everyone, not just yours, go to the kindergarten management, to higher authorities. But if you, alone, came to the conclusion that you want an exclusive attitude towards your child from the group teacher, then the conclusion suggests itself. It is necessary to moderate ambitions; other children are also children and require the attention of the teacher no less. And you will have to reckon with this.

Think logically. Your baby won't be able to live his whole life in ideal conditions. And the older he gets, the more painful it will be to endure lack of attention to himself. So maybe it’s better to start slowly accustoming him to the fact that he is not alone and there are other people, and they also have the right to count on something? By the way, this is a good reason to start teaching your child to be independent. When you have mastered the necessary skills at home, this is the right time to turn to your teacher for help. For example: “Elizaveta Petrovna, my son already goes to the toilet on his own, but like all children, sometimes he plays around. Please remind him from time to time.” In this situation, any teacher will readily meet you halfway.

That is, we are talking about the fact that the position “I sent my child to kindergarten, and they are obliged to...” is destructive and doomed to failure, even if the teacher clearly does not follow up. Understand that no one likes to be rudely ordered around. A properly constructed dialogue eliminates many problems. The same applies, by the way, to any other conflicts in the parent-teacher series.

Another aspect is the generation difference. If you are young, energetic, progressive, and realize that you live in a European country, then this paragraph is for you. Unfortunately, misunderstandings with people of the older generation are far from uncommon - different upbringings, different worldviews. Understand that people have a right to their views. It is now that the pendulum of educational methods has swung towards the unlimited rights of the individual, but previously children were required to be unconditionally obedient and respectful of adults.

Both are bad. Yes, humiliating a person, breaking him down, not taking individuality into account is bad. But the modern extreme is no better. Otherwise, how to explain that in modern world the number of neuroses and mental illnesses is growing rapidly? This cannot be explained only by the crazy pace of life. There is another reason - the child, like a sponge, absorbs everything that his parents offer him. And if you constantly repeat: you are the smartest, you have the right, but the teacher is not like that - sooner or later there will be a collision with reality, where he will be surrounded by the same children. It's very painful. Therefore, the truth lies somewhere in the middle: a child has not only rights, but also responsibilities. And, besides this, it is necessary to explain to the child that his rights end where the rights of another person begin.

It is best to teach the basics of behavior at home in an atmosphere of mutual respect. To do this, you need to learn to respect yourself and be aware of your needs. It’s true, if your place in the family is dependent and subordinate, then what kind of respectful attitude can we talk about? The child also sees this and accepts it as a model of behavior, and then a distortion in upbringing is inevitable. This main principle, which you must learn, and only then you can begin to instill the basics of behavior in society in a little person.

Conflicts in kindergarten with parents

Another stumbling block is conflict in kindergarten between parents. This is a rather unpleasant situation, since both sides of the conflict, as a rule, consider themselves right and do not want to listen to their opponent. As in the previous case, there is a way out. It is better to start the conversation with the teacher. If the teacher is sufficiently authoritative, then it is usually possible to extinguish the conflict in the bud. It will be wrong, even if he is wrong, parents do not take action, and the situation only gets worse.

How to resolve conflicts between parents in kindergarten

Of course, you can talk to other people's children. But with the permission of the teacher and in his presence. Do not threaten or intimidate your child. Try to first discuss the situation with him - why he does this, what he wants to achieve, does he understand that children will not want to play with him, and so on. Be sure to tell your child a way out of the situation, for example: “Let you protect Masha, otherwise she is often offended” or “You can play with this toy together, and it will be more fun for you.”

In any case, you are guaranteed a constant, daily dialogue with the teacher and the child’s parents. Because protracted conflict situations require constant participation. Don't view this as wasted time. After all, with constant contact, you will be able to find understanding with the teacher, and you will be able to tell more about the characteristics of your child. In addition, you will, willy-nilly, observe the situation, how your baby communicates, how others do. By the way, there are psychologists almost everywhere in children's institutions. Insist that you need to work with a conflict child. But don’t give such advice to your child’s parents. The teacher should suggest this.

When you meet inappropriate parents in kindergarten, it is a very unpleasant moment. In any case, your position should be firm, calm and without aggression. Always try to finish your main idea, even if your opponent interrupts you, return to your unfinished sentence and continue. People feel firmness, and if you are convincing, you will achieve results. In turn, talk through the situation with your baby, tell me what is the best thing to do and what not to do. Try to make friends with the kids. This also works sometimes.

Important! Conduct all conversations about conflict situations with parents or teachers without children. Because dialogue does not always proceed in a constructive direction.

If the children are older, then you can invite both of them and ask them how it was. But! Every child should be given the opportunity to speak out. Even if the baby stammers and cannot coherently explain how everything happened. We need to be patient. If the situation has cleared up enough, and the parent of the other child agrees with this, then the children - both of them - need to explain what was wrong and suggest options for a way out. If the other parent does not agree with the explanation, then release the children and continue the conversation, again, without them.

During the conversation, you can try this psychological technique– the unifying pronoun “we”. This way, on a subconscious level, you and your opponent have a common goal, this unites.

If the conversation takes place without children, and the situation is not completely clear, end it, for example, with the following phrase: “Okay. “I heard you, I will ask my child what happened, and tomorrow we will definitely continue the conversation.”

Sometimes it happens that the situation happened exactly the opposite, which is why it is necessary to listen to all sides of the conflict, including your child. Only after everything has been clarified can and should measures be taken. Moreover, if your child is to blame, talk to him strictly, but without humiliation. Otherwise, he will take this manner of speaking for granted and will speak rudely himself, including to you, when he grows up.
Do not perceive any incident as a universal catastrophe or a serious crime against your baby. Believe me, all kids, one way or another, sometimes quarrel, and yours too.

The causes of conflicts in kindergarten are an inevitable clash of interests, the process of learning about the world, and this is normal. This is how children probe the boundaries of what is permitted and what is not permitted. It is important to teach them mutual respect and acceptable options for dealing with the situation.

If your child is the initiator of conflicts, and children, other parents and teachers often complain about him, there is reason to think about whether you are doing everything right. Maybe the child does not have enough attention, and he is trying to attract it to himself in this way. No matter how guilty your little one is, talk to him respectfully. In any case, start talking to your baby more often and more, and not only ask him what and how, but also tell him how your day went. What happened new, good or bad, is, of course, within the framework of his understanding. More often ask his opinion on this or that issue: how he feels about it, what he would do, and so on.

Conflicts of children in kindergarten

As mentioned above, conflicts in kindergarten between children occur many times a day. Children quarrel, make peace, forget about their grievances, or suddenly remember after a while. There is no need to immediately perceive this as a disaster and, burning with righteous anger, rush to sort things out. It is better to talk through isolated cases with your child and play with him different situations, explain why this happens, and what is the best thing to do. In case of recurring conflicts, it is necessary to take the measures that we wrote about above.

What you should definitely not do:

• brush off your baby's problems;
• start scolding him without understanding it;
• blame everyone around;
• pit the child against teachers, other children or parents.

It’s true, you have the strength and patience to spend hours listening to the problems of your unlucky friend, console her, and give advice. Even if you understand that she is to blame for everything or is making mountains out of molehills. So why do your child’s problems seem insignificant to you, and do you brush them off? After all, for him this is the whole world, his world, and his grief is irreparable! Because he doesn’t know any better yet. And in childhood It is very important to feel the support of your parents and to be protected. This creates a feeling self-esteem, the ability to empathize, help, surround with care. But it is precisely insecurity, a feeling of uselessness that causes whims, demandingness and, finally, aggression. If you, as a mother and an older, experienced friend, help your child learn to resolve conflicts and not be afraid of them, then there will be many fewer growth problems. Checked!

Tweet

Rumble

Plus

Consultation for teachers

Children's conflicts and ways to overcome them

Teacher-psychologist Ropotova A.A.

Adults encounter childhood conflicts quite early. In younger children, conflicts most often arise over toys, in middle-aged children – over roles, and in older children – over the rules of the game. Children's conflicts may arise over resources, discipline, communication difficulties, values ​​and needs.

There are two types of conflict directions: external and internal . External conflicts in preschoolers are associated with contradictions that arise during communication and joint activities. Arising in the sphere of children's relationships, they, as a rule, do not master deeper interpersonal relationships. External conflicts are temporary, situational in nature and are usually resolved by the children themselves by independently accepting the norm of correctness and justice. Such conflicts are often useful because they give the child the right to responsibility, to independent decision emerging problem situations and act as a regulator of children’s full-fledged relationships.

Internal psychological conflict is mostly hidden from observation and arises in preschoolers in the context of their leading play activities. In contrast to the external, it is caused by objections related not to the organizational part of the activity, but to the activity itself, to contradictions between the demands of peers and the child’s objective capabilities in play, or contradictions in the motives of the child’s play and other children.

Internal contradictions cannot be overcome by children without the help of adults. In the course of these contradictions, the child’s inner emotional world and his positive emotional well-being are oppressed, the baby cannot satisfy his needs, personal relationships are distorted, and psychological isolation from peers arises. Internal conflicts are negative; they slow down the development of full-fledged, harmonious relations and comprehensive personality formation.

Causes of conflicts:

In children’s communication with each other, situations arise that require coordination of actions and the manifestation of a friendly attitude towards peers, the ability to abandon personal desires in order to achieve common goals. The preschooler is not yet aware of his inner world, his experiences, intentions, so it is difficult for him to imagine what another is feeling. He only sees external behavior another and does not understand that each peer has his own inner world, interests and desires.

Popular and unpopular children clearly stand out in the group. Popular children are dexterous, skillful, smart, neat; Unpopular include those who are unkempt, quiet, whiny, harmful, aggressive, weak, and those who have poor command of play actions and speech. Peers are irritated by those children with whom it is difficult to come to an agreement, who break the rules, who do not know how to play, who are slow, and inept.

IN children's team Difficult or conflict-ridden children (aggressiveists, complainers, know-it-alls, maximalists, etc.) often provoke conflict situations.

For 5-6 year old children, acceptance by their peers is important; their assessment, approval, and admiration are very important. Children feel the need to get an interesting role and prove themselves; they behave differently in situations of success and failure. All these aspects of children's relationships can provoke conflict between them.

Psychological problems as a source of conflicts

Disobedience, stubbornness, disorganized behavior, slowness, restlessness, laziness, deceit, weakness of will - often cause dissatisfaction among adults, causing emotional tension in relationships and mutual irritation. The main thing is knowledge age characteristics child.

Features of communication with peers:

1. A wide variety and wide range of communicative actions (imposing one’s will, demands, orders, deception, argument);
2. Excessively bright emotional intensity of communication;
3. Non-standard and unregulated actions (unexpected actions and movements - taking bizarre poses, mimicking, inventing new words, fables and teases);
4. The predominance of proactive actions over reactive ones (for the child, his own statement or action is more important - inconsistency gives rise to conflict).

Emotional distress associated with communication difficulties can lead to mental illness. In preschool age, a child’s character is actively developing and he needs constant behavior correction from an adult. It is necessary to teach the child socially acceptable norms of behavior and communication.

Basic approaches to conflict resolution in children's teams

Conflict resolution is:

• minimizing problems separating the parties through searching for compromise and reaching agreement;
• elimination in whole or in part of the causes that gave rise to the conflict;
• changing the goals of the parties to the conflict;
• reaching an agreement on a controversial issue between the participants.

In childhood, there are a great many conflict situations and most children's quarrels usually resolve themselves. Small skirmishes are natural phenomena of life, the first lessons of interaction with peers, with the outside world, a stage of learning by trial and error, which a child cannot do without. Adults should not get involved in children's quarrels unless absolutely necessary. They need to learn how to independently resolve controversial situations and end conflicts.

The task of adults is to teach children to interact with other people, the ability to express their desires, listen to the desires of others, and negotiate. At the same time, the child must be an equal participant in this process, and not just blindly obey the demands of an adult or more strong partner(find a way out of the current situation, options for resolving the conflict).

We need to teach children to explain to each other what they want, and then invite them to think about a way out of the situation.

Two ways to resolve conflict:

1. Destructive - “I’ll leave and won’t play with him,” “I’ll play myself,” “I’ll call the teacher and she’ll force everyone to play,” “I’ll beat everyone and force them to play.”
2. Constructive - “I’ll suggest another game”, “I’ll ask the guys what’s better to play.”

In resolving children's conflicts, the teacher ensures that “ common language", which is the result of achieving understanding.

The teacher’s activities in resolving children’s conflicts should be systematic and include the following sequential stages:

1. Determination and assessment of the essence of the conflict situation, its causes. A message about your dissatisfaction with the emergence of a conflict. Getting rid of "spectators".

2. Assessing the goals of a conflict situation: asserting personal claims; imposing your style of behavior; belittling the other party; selfish aspirations. It is important to show children the differences in understanding the goals that each of them pursued in the quarrel. Most often these goals are different.

3. Pay attention to emotional condition children who have entered into conflict, understand the reasons for this condition, and resolve violent reactions. The teacher must suppress his own and children's negative emotions. The teacher can usepositive messagewhich includes:

Description of the action performed (“When you...”);

A description of the possible or inevitable result of this action (“It may happen that...”);

Offer alternative option behavior (“Better...”).

4. Find radical means to eliminate the causes of the conflict situation:

Apply educational measures (take into account the needs of everyone, use creativity, develop communication skills leading to rapprochement, develop readiness to independently resolve conflict, learn to manage emotions; evaluate the action, not the personality of the child; neutralize power struggles; develop alternatives, involving children in joint creative search);

Put forward certain strict requirements;

Point out the need to adhere to certain established standards of behavior not only during their stay in kindergarten, but also in everyday life.

5. Assessing the characteristics of the parties to the conflict.

6. Determine the dynamics of the development process of a conflict situation. If the problem cannot be solved “immediately,” then determine the time and presence of an intermediary - a parent, psychologist, shift teacher.

It is necessary to constantly conduct diagnostic conversations with the children of the group on sample questions:

• Do you want to go to kindergarten? Why?
• In what mood do you most often go to kindergarten?
• What games do you know? What games can you play?
• What games do you like to play the most?
• Please tell me how to play your favorite game?
• Are there rules in this game that must be followed?
• Is it possible to break these rules?
• Do you have many friends among your peers in the group?
• Do you have conflicts with your parents? How often?
• Do you think conflict and quarrel are the same thing?
• If at the moment of a quarrel you realize that you are wrong, then what will you do?

When resolving conflict situations, the teacher must useactive technique hearings. This is the ability to listen and hear a child. Actively listening means returning to him in a conversation what he told, while indicating his feeling. The teacher takes an “eye to eye” pose, tunes in to the child, listens with sympathy, uses support, clarification, clarification in the conversation, repeats the most important thoughts and feelings (i.e. confirms, reflects the content of the child’s information and feelings). The teacher shows acceptance and understanding of the child by tone of voice, facial expressions, gestures, gaze, posture, does not interrupt or give advice, does not give examples, remains neutral, without taking sides, receives information that interests him, and tries to put himself in his place. It is important to pause in a conversation - this time belongs to the child, a pause helps the child understand his experience. There is no need to rush to conclusions, check your assumptions and make sure that you understand the child correctly. You need to remain silent even after the child’s answer - maybe he will add something. The conversation takes place in a relaxed, calm atmosphere. The teacher does not dominate the conversation, he is a mediator, an assistant.

You can find out that a child is not ready to hear an adult’s response by looking at his appearance: if his eyes look to the side, “inward” or into the distance, then he must continue to be silent, because Very important and necessary internal work takes place within the child.

It is sometimes useful for the teacher to repeat how he understood what happened to the child; it is advisable to use other words with the same meaning.

Both sides are listened to: if one of the participants in the conflict is speaking at the moment, and he begins to understand that his problem is being delved into, then it is necessary to somehow make it clear to the other participant that he will be listened to just as carefully. The child must draw conclusions from his own words, gradually increasing their emotional intensity. The teacher should not lead to a “self-winding” effect.

The following needs to be discussed:

1. What happened? (formulate the essence of the conflict).
2. What led to the conflict? Why did this happen? (find out the reasons).
3. What feelings did the conflict evoke among those involved in the collision? (define, name feelings).
4. What to do in this situation? (find a solution).

If you show the child that he is really being listened to, understood and sympathized with, then the severity of the conflict is reduced: it is important for the child to feel heard and understood.

Conflict prevention methods

Conflicts in a children's team are easier to prevent than to resolve. The most promising way to prevent conflicts is at the stage of their inception, signs of which may be: clashes between children, violation of discipline or rules of the game, name-calling, pestering, alienation of the child from the group. The teacher is obliged to pay attention to every such touch and take measures to prevent an emerging conflict.

A group of children needs to be formed, ensured and maintained in it with a healthy moral and psychological climate, respectful attitude towards the individual, his merits and individual characteristics, self-criticism, goodwill, organization of productive activities, high authority of the teacher. The teacher must notice undesirable behavioral tendencies and rebuild them not by order, but psychologically, using joint games and activities. Important personal example a teacher who avoids judgments and assessments that infringe on the child’s dignity.

Very important aspect education is development self-control - this is when individual behavior corresponds to certain standards, rules, regulators that have been established in a given society.

There are a number of principles according to which the teacher can influence this process:

• Children are more willing to respond to adults' arguments if they have mutual affection and trust each other. Children are less aggressive with parents who provide them with emotional support.
• Educational techniques are more effective when their effect is permanent and not temporary. A positive effect is achieved if adults do not disagree on issues of discipline.
• Learning occurs more easily when the process is dominated by rewards for positive actions or statements, and punishments are used in extreme cases. Disciplinary actions cease to be effective if you constantly scold a child, regardless of what and how he did. Physical punishment should be excluded. Excessively strict, humiliating and cruel punishments do not have a positive effect, since they provoke opposition on the part of the child, a feeling of alienation and aggressive behavior.
• External control over behavior is necessary for all children preschool age. Controls should not be extreme. Educational techniques can be based on organizing the child’s activities, for example, with the help of interesting role-playing and outdoor games, toys, and development environment equipment.

One of the directions pedagogical activity The teacher should be developing children’s communication skills with peers, for this they use:

Role-playing games (including those with a problematic situation);

Imitation games (simulating some human process);

Interactive games (games for interaction);

Social-behavioral trainings (teaching models of constructive behavior in resolving a conflict situation);

Psycho-gymnastics;

Reading and discussion of works of fiction;

Viewing and analysis of fragments of animated films with subsequent modeling of new versions;

Discussions.

The teacher offers children games and actively participates in them. For confidential conversations with children in a group, you can equip such corners and zones as: “Sunny Circle”, “Corner of Trust”, “Island of Desires”, “Island of Feelings”, “Secret Room”, “Cozy Corner”, “Negotiation Table”, “Peace Rug”, “Peaceful Chairs”, “Corner for Friends”, etc. And literary heroes can come to visit children.

Children and kindergarten are not an easy topic. You just need to listen to conversations on the playground to understand this. And all kinds of problems arise - from which kindergarten is better to go to, to conflicts between parents and teachers. Moreover, the last topic evokes a huge number of responses “from both sides.” But for a child at 4-5 years of age, kindergarten becomes a second home, where he spends most of the day. And if we, parents, want our child to feel good and comfortable in kindergarten, we need to learn to resolve disagreements and possible conflicts, because the mental well-being of our children is at stake.

A teacher is an employee of a preschool institution who is not only directly responsible for the life and health of the children entrusted to him, but also carries out educational work in accordance with the program kindergarten. A parent is a “customer” who brings his child to kindergarten and wants the most favorable conditions to be created for his beloved (and often only child). The parent has one (two, three) child. A teacher has an average of 15-20. The composition of the groups, by the way, depends on the time of year; sometimes there are about 30. And this also needs to be taken into account, because the amount of personal attention for each child is inversely proportional to the number of children. And he is also interested in providing children with favorable conditions, without forgetting about his educational responsibilities.

So why do conflicts arise between parents and educators? The confrontation between parents and educators, like any conflict, arises due to the fact that one of the parties (usually the educator) does not live up to the expectations and ideas of the other side about “how it should be.” The saleswoman in the store was rude to you, you can simply stop going to this store. Changing the kindergarten where your child goes and in which something does not suit you is much more difficult. Just like a teacher cannot stop communicating with one of the parents just because he behaves incorrectly. Therefore, it is necessary to resolve conflicts in the kindergarten, and both parties must establish interaction, without taking the position of the guilty and the accused, because the ultimate goal of both the kindergarten staff and the parents is the same - the health and development of the child.

Irreconcilable differences?

What can most often become a reason for misunderstanding and dissatisfaction? From the parents' side it is:

• There is little activity with the child in the garden;
• do not create the proper conditions to strengthen his health, walk too little (or too much), do not ventilate the group or ventilate the group too often, dress too lightly (warmly);
• cannot find an approach to the child;
• use non-pedagogical methods in relation to the child (moral and physical punishment);
• they don’t look after the child well (they didn’t wipe their sniffles, didn’t immediately change their panties, didn’t change their dirty T-shirt);
• the child is forced to eat or, conversely, they do not make sure that he eats everything;
• restrict the child’s freedom (one mother complained to me that her child was forced to lie in his crib during quiet time; she thought that teachers should just play with the child since he did not want to sleep);
• they often punish and complain about the child if his behavior does not suit the teachers;
• they do not take action against hyperactive and aggressive children, especially if their child has been bitten (which often happens in nurseries), hit, or scratched.

And although this list is far from complete, it shows that parents make a huge number of demands on the kindergarten and the teacher in the first place, and are often quite contradictory. And this is understandable. Each family has its own educational system, and what is good for one child is categorically not accepted by other parents. Some demand that the child return from a walk clean, others are indignant that the teacher does not allow the child to jump and climb wherever he wants, someone asks that children not be walked when it’s cool outside, someone, on the contrary, goes complain to the manager that the children are kept in a group instead of going for a walk. It happens that parents come and ask to be stricter with their child, while others are ready to write complaints to the education department if they find out that their voice has been raised against their child.

Of course, educators also have their own list of complaints against parents:

• treat the kindergarten staff with disrespect and may reprimand them in a raised voice in front of the child;
• they forget to pay receipts or pay fees for additional classes on time;
• they forget to put a change of clothes in the children’s locker;
• children are brought to kindergarten completely unprepared (without basic self-care skills, not accustomed to the kindergarten’s daily routine);
• children are picked up late;
• they raise their children poorly (they pamper them excessively or, conversely, do not pay enough attention to the child; usually it is very difficult to find an approach to such children);
• make unreasonable claims to the staff, find fault with little things.

There is contact!

So what should we, parents, do to establish contact with the teacher? After all, a good and respectful attitude of the teacher towards parents is the key to good attitude to the child.

When you come to kindergarten, do not hesitate to tell the teacher as much as possible about your child. This way it will be much easier for him to find an approach to the baby from the very beginning. Tell us about what your child is interested in, what his favorite games are, and note the peculiarities of his temperament and character. Talk about what dishes he prefers and what foods he categorically refuses to eat. How easier it is to fall asleep. Be sure to tell me what to look for Special attention. Perhaps the baby has some health problems (allergies, some chronic disease).

Instead of expressing dissatisfaction with the fact that tights are not worn in 20 degrees Celsius, you can say that the child has kidney problems and warmer clothes are needed.

Don’t be shy to talk about what your child doesn’t yet know how to do (ask to go to the potty, feed himself, fasten buttons, tie shoelaces). And also about developmental and character traits that concern you: for example, the child is very aggressive or too withdrawn and shy. It is better for the teacher to immediately know what will need to be given more attention when working with the child. Remember: the more the teacher knows about your child, the more understanding he will treat him.

It will be better if you talk about the methods of education adopted in your family. Do you force your child to eat or do you take a democratic approach to this issue? What methods of punishment are allowed in your family? It’s good if the teacher himself talks about this, but not every teacher will decide to ask parents, although such information is often necessary in order to better understand the child.

If your family uses strict parenting methods, including physical punishment, be prepared for problems to arise with your child. Teachers do not have belts in their arsenal, and the strictest measure of pedagogical influence permissible in kindergarten is to put the child in a chair, removing him from games and activities, and children who are accustomed to physical punishment may simply not perceive it. Consequently, working with such a child can become a real test of strength for a teacher.

Be friendly and polite to the teacher. Unfortunately, some parents do not even consider it necessary to say hello or goodbye to the teacher when bringing their child to kindergarten.

Don’t forget to ask yourself about how the child spent his time in kindergarten, what he ate, who he played with, how he fell asleep during quiet time. If you talk about this with the teacher, he will definitely begin to look more closely at your child during the day, so that later he will be able to answer your questions in more detail. Also, the teacher will be more relaxed about your requests and comments, because in his eyes you will be perceived as a caring and caring parent. It is much more difficult to establish contacts with those parents who remember the existence of the teacher only when something does not suit them.

Gifts for educators. If necessary?

Some parents are sure that the key to a good relationship between a teacher and a child is gifts. Is it really? In each case it is different. It happens that the teacher himself makes it clear that he would not refuse “help”. If your teacher is like that, then most likely, considering you a good parent and being afraid of losing your “favor”, he will really keep a better eye on your child. But there are also educators for whom accepting such a “bribe” may seem humiliating. And the gift is unlikely to affect the attitude towards your baby. Most likely, such a teacher will be pleased if you help enrich the group’s developmental environment and bring toys or teaching aids. Of course, a box of chocolates New Year or March 8th will be pleasant for every teacher. In any case, in my opinion, gifts should be given to the teacher only if you have a sincere desire to thank him. A person always understands whether a gift is given from the heart or “out of obligation.”

Conflict. Solutions

However, sometimes situations arise when conflict cannot be avoided. What to do if you have complaints about the work of a teacher? How to talk to him about this, correct the situation, but at the same time not infringe on the interests of the child, and not worsen the attitude towards him on the part of educators?

First, figure out what exactly causes your dissatisfaction and how justified your complaints are. Very often, parents blame teachers for what I would call “working issues.” While getting dressed for a walk, the child put his sandals on the wrong foot, but the teacher did not notice. My T-shirt got dirty at lunch. Someone else's shoes are on your child's feet. Believe me, this is not a reason for serious proceedings. At home, show your son or daughter again how to put on sandals correctly, remind him to eat more carefully at the table. Or just don’t give clothes to kindergarten that you don’t want to get dirty, bring an apron. Is your son walking on the street in someone else's shoes? It happens. We changed clothes, laughed, and went home.

I would also include minor injuries as “working moments”: scratches, bruises, especially in summer period when children walk a lot and play outdoor games. Has your child never broken his knee or been scratched in front of you? In kindergarten, your fidget will not be different! And if you systematically “run into” the teachers for abrasions, most likely they will simply start to sit him next to them on a walk, forbidding him to run and play with other children. The same applies to bites in nurseries and younger group. At this age, children still have little control over their aggressiveness, so fights and biting happen all the time. If this bothers you very much, you can ask the teacher to keep your baby near him all the time, excluding communication with “bad” children. But what then to do with the notorious “socialization” and “learning to communicate”, because of which many parents consider attending kindergarten a necessity? Moreover, in a nursery, both bites and scratches are a constant phenomenon: today your baby was bitten, tomorrow he will bite someone. Of course, this is unpleasant, but it does not mean that the teacher should be removed from work because of this. You can talk to the parents of the “aggressor” yourself: most likely, they are also concerned about this problem.

Everything according to the instructions

In addition to scratches and bites, they are rare, but more serious problems also occur - the child fell, received a fracture, bruise, severe cut, etc. Firstly, in this case, every child attending kindergarten must have insurance. Secondly, these points are also provided for in job description teacher Each case should be carefully investigated, and an inspection should always be carried out after such an incident. If the teacher’s guilt is proven (for example, he left the children alone without supervision), the strictest measures will be applied to the teacher, including dismissal. But sometimes children are truly injured by accident, and this can happen even to the most attentive teacher. If the teacher immediately notified the parents about the incident, the child was provided with the necessary health care, which means he fulfilled his job responsibilities in accordance with the instructions.

Do you think that in kindergarten there is little work with the child? Each preschool works one way or another educational program, in accordance with which a “grid” of classes for the week is drawn up. The time of classes depends on the age of the children - in nurseries there are usually 2 classes of 10 minutes each, in preparatory classes the duration of classes is already 30 minutes. You can ask your teacher or principal about the class schedule. If classes are not held, you can tell the head about this; she, like the methodologist, must ensure that classes are held. However, you should not place very high hopes on the garden in matters of development. If at home you do not devote time to games, reading books with your child, and do not reinforce what children learn in kindergarten, believing that the child will have enough classes in kindergarten, you should not expect good results.

First you need to figure it out

Are you annoyed that the teacher often complains about your child, do you accuse her of incompetence? Educators most often complain about children who are too active, aggressive, and disinhibited. Yes, it is quite likely that the teacher really has little experience, she does not know how to find an approach to the child, and maybe she doesn’t want to find an approach? Help her with advice, because you know your child better than anyone. Contact a psychologist, if there is one in the kindergarten, or a family psychological support center for advice. But it also happens that the teacher’s complaints are justified. Perhaps you should reconsider some of your views on parenting? For example, many parents - especially dads - encourage their son's aggressive behavior - let him, they say, grow up to be a "real man." The fact that half the group then walks around with bites and bruises is of little concern to the parents. Or does the child really need individual work with a psychologist, perhaps even with a more serious specialist, correction is required that a regular kindergarten teacher cannot provide. In this case, you should not turn a blind eye to the problem; you should definitely solve it.

Do you have suspicions that the teacher is using moral and physical violence over a child (spanks, insults, humiliates). In this case, is it worth immediately running to the teacher with threats to “tear him into pieces”? First, try to understand the situation yourself. Try playing with your child in kindergarten. He is a teacher, a toy is a child. Usually, children in such games show what actually happens in kindergarten. If you just ask a child, he can make up a lot of things. And more - what younger child, the more his answers depend on exactly how you ask your questions. If your suspicions only become stronger after such a game, talk to the teacher. But gently and without “assaulting”. Emphasize that your baby is afraid when they shout at him, that you are the enemy physical punishment. “Yes, I know that my Vanya is still a tomboy, but what can I do - don’t spank him for this. Sometimes it’s difficult, but you can always come to an agreement with him.”

If your suspicions are confirmed, and measures of moral or physical violence were actually applied to the child, the first step is to contact the head of the kindergarten. Very often this measure is enough to correct the situation. Will the teacher treat your child worse after this? Probably, this will not add love to him, and, apparently, there was none, but he will behave much more correctly with him.

If you think that the teacher should be punished more severely or contacting the head did not help, go to the education department of your city and write a statement there. After verification, strict measures will be taken against him, including dismissal. But where is the guarantee that the teacher who replaces him will be better?

You found out that a teacher beat your child, do you have factual confirmation of this? Urgently write a statement to the police or the education department. Such a teacher should be removed from working with children.

Unfortunately, there are indeed cases of real violence in kindergartens, and although they do not happen as often as many parents think, they should be dealt with very seriously.

I don't like you...

It also happens that everything seems to be fine, but you just don’t like the teacher. “She’s kind of indifferent,” “she never really tells anything,” “she’s always dissatisfied with everything”—such complaints can often be heard from parents. Of course, we are all human, and a person can simply cause us antipathy. What to do in this case? There seems to be nothing to complain to the manager about, but taking your child to kindergarten with a person who annoys you is unpleasant. You have two options - try to change kindergarten or accept it. Well, after kindergarten the child will go to school, and where is the guarantee that all the teachers there will be pleasant to you? Moreover, children go to kindergarten not only to the teacher. Even in the nursery (what can we say about the junior, middle and senior groups) they go to their friends. I know a case when children categorically refused to move to another kindergarten from a not very kind teacher, whom everyone was afraid of, because their friends went to this group.

And finally, a little more. Sometimes reviews of kindergartens resemble a program about intrigue, scandals and investigations. Moms and dads spy on teachers, eavesdrop on what is happening in the group, look for any little thing to find fault with the teacher, because their most best child deserves only the best teacher. For a scratch, they, at least in words, threaten to “break” or “meet in a dark alley” this “praise,” “someone else’s aunt,” who will never love the child. But a kindergarten teacher shouldn’t love children as if they were their own. For this, the child has parents. The teachers do their job, the work is very difficult and, in my opinion, worthy of great respect. And if the parent is negative, most likely, according to the law of attraction, he will receive it. Kindergarten is neither heaven nor hell for a child, it is the same stage in his life as college, and the ability to build correct relationships with people working with our children largely determines how their life in kindergarten will turn out. garden.

Discussion

Article in favor of the teacher. What if this teacher just wipes his pants at the workplace? what then? what to do? and what does he have to do with the director’s relative? exit? It's even funny... What kind of children will graduate from this kindergarten? with what luggage? do not make me laugh....

Thank you for the article, everything is written very correctly. In turn, I would like to ask advice from the author or other concerned people on what to do if the conflict with the teacher has already entered the open phase.
I'll describe the situation. My son moved to a new preparatory group, where one of the teachers ( retirement age) at the very first meeting she made it clear that all the problems in the group with discipline were due to the new children. Let me clarify right away that my son is sensitive, obedient child , wants to be the first and the best. I only found out about the transfer to this group on the first day after the holidays. The “acquaintance” was strange. The teacher didn’t even ask the child’s name, never smiled at the child at all, didn’t try to establish contact with him, although they specifically came early so that there would be fewer children. The child got scared on the very first day when everyone was getting ready to exercise on the street, he heard the phrase (not said to him) “if you make noise, I’ll put you on a chair in the group for the whole day.” I heard this myself. I immediately went to the head with a request to transfer to another group, tried to talk confidentially about educational methods. The decision was made to observe. As a result, things only got worse. The teacher was obviously informed, and off we go... all the “incidents” happen during the shift of this particular teacher, who clearly likes to use “delayed punishment”. One day my son sat on a bench for the entire walk as punishment for having dirty nails (plasticine). At the birthday party (my son was also a birthday boy), they didn’t want to give him a gift, because... Mom didn’t hand over the money (she was one of the first to hand over). Just imagine, everyone ran up to get gifts, but they pushed mine out. Then they apologized to me (not a child!!!) and handed it to me. Further more. While on a walk, a child fell down a slide and was in great pain, so he sat on the bench and suppressed his tears. The teacher did not notice this. When I saw a bruise on my son and a lump in the lower back area, he explained that he was afraid to tell the teacher, he was afraid that he would punish him. (I, in turn, explained to my son that it is necessary to immediately tell the teacher about such cases. Due to his age, he understood this literally and the next day showed the bruise to the teacher. He was told in response: “I don’t see anything, my mother looked stupidly ". I’m just in shock. My pedagogical skills, and just human ones (!), are whipping me. I must say that I wasn’t indignant at all about the gift (things can happen, they could have made a mistake), about the bruise I just noted that I would like to immediately know if the child has any injuries. I have the impression that the teacher is biased towards my son. And I don’t know how to correct the situation. Today, when I picked up the child, he sat separately from all the children, and almost cried. It turned out that everyone was drawing a surprise for their mothers, but mine was not. “When you get better, then you’ll do it with us.” Even though the teacher knows that the child has an allergic cough, the teacher complained that she was coughing all the time and didn’t let anyone sleep! . At home I have practically no cough (2-3 times throughout the day). Today was the boiling point. I told her only on the last occasion, I tried to be respectful, but my emotions still overwhelm me. Please advise how to correct the situation.

The teacher terrorizes the parents, causing moral harm to the child. Educators must punish the state in the most severe punishment. But our children will be happy and cheerful.

06/13/2016 17:49:26, aigul

Good afternoon
First of all, I would like to thank the author for the article. Everything is very informative and objective.
I have a question for parents.
Have you ever wondered why in search engines for the query “what to do if an UNFOUNDED complaint was written against a teacher?” 99% of the time, the search engine only gives instructions on how to write these same complaints correctly. And only a small proportion of answers to the topic of how can a teacher defend himself?
Here's the situation. I take my child to kindergarten for 4 months. The child is happy and goes with joy to kindergarten with his friends and very often talks about how he and Marina Grigorievna (teacher) play funny Games. Every morning, when I take my child away and in the evening, I see how the children follow her as if they were a loved one. Children even sometimes reluctantly go home.(!)
And just like a bolt from the blue. Today, a child came to kindergarten and didn’t recognize our teacher. Gray as a cloud. You see, the parent wrote a complaint against her to the President (!!!) of the country that teachers are extorting money from parents and appropriating it for themselves! Naturally, the city education department will look into it. They threatened to fire me.
In fact: 4-6 weeks ago, ON A VOLUNTARY BASIS, without any coercion, money was collected for cleaning products in a kindergarten. I will repeat that everything is VOLUNTARY.
The kindergarten is truly the cleanest and most beautiful in the area. The staircases are constantly being repaired, the windows on the building are being replaced, everything is being painted, and a children's playground is being built. Every month at the information stand for parents you can see a fresh report on the money spent.
I believe that this kindergarten is the best in our area due to the fact that the money is not “sawed” but sent for its intended purpose. My guess can be seen from the manager and teacher of the kindergarten. It is clear that people are not of high income, not in silks and gold. It is clear that this is all far-fetched. And yes, we didn’t get there for money, which is rare now. We were accepted simply and without any questions or conditions. It's not a dream. There is such a thing.
Dear parents, I suggest you be more tolerant of each other. I suggest showing mutual respect for each other.
Sincerely, Evgeniy.

Maria Mitlina, what a great fellow you are! After reading the article, I reconsidered my negative views towards the teacher. Let’s be more tolerant and try to resolve all misunderstandings peacefully, for the benefit of the child.

06/24/2015 10:49:16, Olga878

Excellent article, everything on the shelves. The name alone is worth it - and indeed, in modern times, working with children is like being on a battlefield. Especially with the new law on education, when special education is slowly falling apart. education and the entire contingent of children with disabilities are expanding to the masses, while the number of groups is increasing and specialists are being removed. I am not against such children, on the contrary, I work with them and I understand how working with children can become more complicated and the switcher, as a teacher or educator will always be. The stupidest thing is that now parents decide where such a child should study and whether he will be treated. Every now and then there are reports in the press about different cases in kindergartens and schools, everyone condemns teachers. But I can understand them. When there are a couple of such children who, during a lesson, walk around the class, talk to themselves or pester the children, in response to your comments and attempts to bring them to order, they simply begin to become hysterical. What kind of study is there? Don’t say a word to your parents, it’s your fault, you can’t find an approach. They don’t respond to all the psychologist’s recommendations to go to a psychiatrist or neurologist. But the houses themselves can’t cope either, and they pick them up as the last ones and are ready to bring them in almost on the weekend. Patience to all teachers!

09.19.2014 11:46:02, olgaaom

Very high quality article. Indeed, many parents do not understand that raising one child and raising 15 - 30 children are completely different things, and you certainly can’t keep track of shoes, T-shirts and other little things. If parents want everything to be perfect, then kindergarten is unlikely to suit them, and instead of finding fault with teachers, it is better to take care of the child yourself, or hire a nanny. And the fact that the teachers are so different is also a big plus. The child’s horizons expand, and the idea is formed that not only children are different, but also adults are not all like their parents. Everywhere has its advantages, and the way life works is that everyone will not love us and is not obliged to. And what earlier child understands this, the less disappointment he will have later. In general, I believe that it is necessary to intervene in the relationship between teachers and children only in extreme cases (violence, humiliation, bullying by teachers), when a child, due to his age, cannot resist this, then he really needs to be protected.

Great article!

Comment on the article "Three in one boat, or Parents and educators on the battlefield"

Conflict in the preschool educational institution. What should I do? Our kindergarten situation is not very good. Daughter (almost 5 years old) The child is smart, but with elements of hyperactivity. Grandmother came to kindergarten to pick up her daughter, and she roared and was punished. Well, then the teacher, in the presence of children and other parents, begins...

Discussion

The first thing I would do would be to protect the child and show that I and the whole family are on her side.
But there must be a balance (Because for some children, family support acts as an incentive to permissiveness.
On the one hand, in my son’s kindergarten there was a girl who could poke with scissors, and deliberately pinched the fingers of others in the door and spat in the food, remaining the most pretentious for her parents. The son eventually dealt with her himself so much that he didn’t even come close anymore. I’m happy with the result; I don’t know what to do correctly in such situations.
I'm always for the child. Of course for your own. And if I were you, I would definitely go to the teacher. To communicate that you are trying, working, educating, inspiring, understanding everything, etc., etc. The goal is to increase loyalty to the child. Maybe I could add something plaintive - how upset she was at home and promised to behave well and how she loves and respects that teacher. 2. She would demand that all problems be discussed only with me, and if such an exemplary flogging happens again, promise heavenly punishment.
At the same time, raising a child. Because the presence of such a character in a group or in a class is a constant problem for other children (((And you don’t need to set them up too much so that they themselves understand the inadequacy of another child. I told my son to just stay away from the inappropriate ones. What else? “That girl good, she just “sometimes” performs “feats” and sometimes behaves “badly” when she wants a toy? Do we need to treat other people’s cockroaches? If the girl is inadequate, it’s better not to approach her and leave her alone with those toys, isn’t it? no? So children - they just react, no one sets them up.
PS
Why can the words “daughter” irritate me so much? For me, this is a half-child, some kind of half-daughter... I’m sure if it had been written “my daughter cried” or “at least my daughter”, I would feel at least a little sorry for that child. And the daughter is initially something spoiled and insolent, not arousing pity (((

It seems that if the previous garden had the same problem, then this is a family problem.
The entire company cannot keep pace, unlike the lieutenant...

03/29/2017 09:01:56, tender violet

Kindergartens. Child from 3 to 7. Education, nutrition, daily routine, visiting kindergarten and relationships with teachers, illness and physical development child We have a conflict between parents and the administration. Half of the parents are for the nanny, half are against.

Discussion

We have a group of teachers (or rather, two in shifts) and a nanny. Sometimes the nanny is in two adjacent groups
but we don’t have any canteens, food is brought to the group while the nanny is in the kitchen with the children, and what if there is no nanny? leave the children alone?

We have two teachers and a nanny in our group. I can’t imagine when to take care of children if the teacher also has to perform the functions of a nanny. That's at least 4 meals.

How to behave with teachers? Kindergarten. Child from 1 to 3. Raising a child from Is it necessary to ask teachers every day how the child behaves in children's Relationships between the teacher and parents, effective ways resolving possible conflicts.

Discussion

Olya, the girls correctly wrote that the teacher needs to suggest the characteristics of his child.

About crying in the middle of sleep, I would probably say that I sympathize, but what can I do?

To your question about the daily questions of teachers about the child, I will say this: I asked if I saw that the teacher could talk to me, and was not busy with something or someone. In general, I didn’t ask every day, but quite often and regularly. In general, I think teachers love it when parents ask them how their day went. Only this should not be intrusive, but casually. IMHO of course.

Of course, it’s worth telling me about the toilet.. And what does “How are we going to leave it” mean? That’s why they and educators, professionals, must sort everything out.. I would have answered like you, that Sonya should be praised, that she goes to sleep on her own, but what happens after sleep is a matter of profit.

Need advice - conflict with teacher. Kindergartens. Child from 3 to 7. Education, nutrition, daily routine, attendance at kindergarten and relationships with Section: Kindergartens (Actually, there is no direct conflict yet, but it is brewing). Need advice - conflict with teacher.

Discussion

I re-read everything again. THANK YOU to everyone for your responsiveness, support and specifics

I’m sitting crying - I talked... With the first teacher. This is the one who is constant, who will never enter into conflict.
In short, my child is a monster and always has been a monster, and she just didn't tell me everything. Although this is not true. Now I understand her behavior - you have to bear responsibility for kicking her out of the party, so you have to hit on the parent and child.
In short, I don’t think it’s possible to take him to this garden.
True, my capabilities do not allow this.
Virgos, what should I do????????

I can’t yet say what kind of constructive conversation there might be, but the first thing I would do is try to establish human contact with her, then it will be clearer what kind of person she is and how to talk to her.
Good luck!

I have no experience, we’re just going to the garden the other day, but it’s interesting to read.
“It happened several times that she called her “roy-cow”, etc. - the children immediately picked it up and started calling her names... a sketch from the Soviet garden of the 80s - when the teacher caught one pugnacious and cocky boy, tightly took him by the shoulders and shouted to the whole group: “Now beat him!” And the whole group rushed to beat him with pleasure! why not - the brawler boy annoyed many, and then the teacher herself gives the go-ahead to “beat him” and also holds him in such a way that he will not give back. Can you imagine this crowd of kids waving their arms and legs? like this: (and how many nasty things there were - and beatings, and real insults, and humiliations, ohhhh: (((((So against this background of the roaring of a cow and everything else, it seems to me nothing more than the tactlessness of the teacher, on which you should close your eyes and not focus on the child. Moreover, if “in our group, in general, the teachers are normal, the nanny, the daughter willingly goes to kindergarten, the children are taken care of well. That is, I have no reason to quarrel with the teacher. "

children's conflicts and adult intervention. Child-parent relationships. Child psychology. children's conflicts and adult intervention. Today I came across the following situation: boys (7-8 years old) are playing on the playground.

Discussion

Here it is impossible to unequivocally answer your question - to intervene or not, a lot depends on what kind of child and how old he is. If we are talking about a preschooler, then you can not interfere if two conditions are met: 1. It is generally not typical for a child to fight and attack first 2. The child is able to stand up for himself well in front of a given opponent. If you had such a situation, you didn’t have to interfere. Perhaps that grandmother and the boy had a different situation and she intervened. Why did you have to climb? If Vash is not a fighter, then he would have stopped himself when his opponent also stopped with the help of that grandmother. That is, the grandmother could separate them on her own if she needed it so much. Otherwise, imagine if it’s really not his fault, but he got it from you :-(

I want to say on behalf of your boy: a feeling of insecurity has haunted me almost all my life precisely because my parents never took my side in cases similar to yours or when they came to complain about me. It was very difficult and offensive. While raising my son, I always tried to show him how dear he was to me and that I would “bite out” the throat of anyone who offended him. You can somehow show in front of strangers that you are on his side and at home explain that he is wrong (if in fact he is wrong).

The rest of the parents want the teacher back, but the headmaster is opposed. The conflict went as far as the mother's complaint to the education committee (to Section: Problems in kindergarten (a teacher may be on the parent committee if her daughter goes to a group). Last year...

I have mixed feelings after reading this.
On the one hand, I believe that the suffering of one child deserves the same attention as if all of them suffered.

On the other hand, our carried away authorities can put pressure on a teacher much more than his possible offense is worth.

Why write a collective letter? You told the headmaster that you are happy with the teacher, you do not support the complaining party, and she will now explain everything to the education department herself.

If the manager’s word is nothing compared to an anonymous complaint, then these are problems on a larger scale, IMHO.

Conflict with parents. Child-parent relationships. Child from 3 to 7. Education, nutrition, daily routine, visiting kindergarten and It’s good that the teacher stood next to me and supported me a little, they say they are children, anything happens, and what can really...

Discussion

I also believe that it is unacceptable to raise a hand against a child. And even more so, start scolding one child based on the words of another, without understanding it. My son goes to a group from 2-3, I saw with my own eyes a picture when a girl, having collected all the toys in the sandbox, did not give them to anyone, one boy still managed to pull out the scoop, so she sprinkled sand on him and, roaring, ran to complain to the teacher . She sobbed and screamed so much - he hurt her, hit her, took her away (he didn’t even lay a finger on her). They immediately took pity on the girl and took the boy’s scoop away. The teacher did not see what was happening, she returned the child who had gone to the next group:(

IMHO, not all children are affected by words. Imagine that someone constantly beats your child in kindergarten, the teacher takes “verbal” measures, but it may turn out that they will not produce any results. What will you tell the teacher? Most likely, something like: keep an eye on that child, let him not offend the others, but the teacher has a lot of other children... A way out?... You can put the child in a corner (without physical measures), but is every three-year-old child will it stand there? The fact that the teacher first started to scold and then sorted it out is really not right. IMHO, physical measures are unacceptable in the case of wet pants, a soiled T-shirt, etc... But in the event that your child causes pain to other children (biting, beating, hitting the head with a hawk - which is so often found on playgrounds), it is necessary after verbal explanations (if they didn’t do any good) to show him how much it hurts other kids when he does this. I think educators should also be given this right... the main thing is everything in moderation!