Every child, even the most obedient one, from time to time turns from an angel into a little monster. He gets irritated, nervous, and constantly repeats: “I don’t want to! I won't! I do not like! Don’t...” And each new “don’t” increases the temperature, and your nervous system gradually boils.
Intellectually, you understand that an explosion of emotions will not lead to anything good, but the next whim works as a catalyst, and, like Mentos thrown into a glass of Coca-Cola, it turns the smooth surface into a splashing fountain. This makes it bad for both children and adults.
What to do? Where do you get patience? How to prevent conflicts with such dear and loved ones, with our children?
You can’t scold, you can’t understand
When you feel like your patience is running out, tell yourself “stop.” Take a few deep breaths (preferably holding your breath for a few seconds). And after that, try to determine the cause of the baby’s nervous state. And then eliminate it. In most cases, you can easily prevent conflict.
As a rule, a child does not behave as you expect, not because he wants to harm, but because he has reasons for this. No need to scold him. It is quite possible that he refuses to do as you want because high temperature. Or he is thirsty. Or maybe the shadows on the wall scared him.
Causes of children's irritability
1. Too much unspent energy has accumulated
If the child has been without active movement, for example, he was watching a play or sitting motionless while moving in a car, he definitely needs to throw out everything that has accumulated during this time. It is unnatural for a child to remain in a static position for a long time. He is like a river that is raging and must be in motion.
What to do. Give him the opportunity to run, jump, climb. Any physical exercise will help relieve this type of tension.
2. The child is excited and experiencing unpleasant emotions
The baby may get scared, and you won’t even notice it. Or angry, or worried about something. And, of course, all these emotions will break out in the form of a bad mood. Not every adult is able to control their feelings and not splash out negativity on others. What can we say about children?
Despite the fact that children’s reasons for frustration often seem frivolous to adults, they need to treat them carefully and respectfully. You shouldn’t convince your child that this is nothing. Since the reason caused such a reaction, it means it deserves attention.
What to do. Tell him you understand him. That you would also be scared (angry) and maybe even more so. And then try to switch his attention to something positive.
3. The child is hungry or thirsty
It would seem that it could be simpler - to understand that your baby is hungry. But the main difficulty is that not all children are aware of the desire to eat or drink. They feel discomfort but don't understand why.
What to do. Regularly ask, offer, and sometimes insist. Especially it concerns .
4. The child is tired
There are many reasons why children are tired. In addition to physical ones (long walks or long active games), there are also emotional ones. The child gets tired if he is not interested in what is happening or if the action lasts for a very long time. Also, the child may become tired from an excess of positive emotions. Often parents are at a loss if, after visiting an amusement park, ice cream and all kinds of entertainment, the child grumbles and gets angry. And the answer is simple: a lot of good things are also bad.
What to do. It is necessary to give the child the opportunity to rest or switch from one activity to another.
5. The child got sick
Sometimes it happens that in the morning the baby is cheerful and sociable. And then suddenly everything changes, as if a switch was suddenly switched. He begins to be capricious, cry, and resist.
What to do. Take a closer look at the baby. Touch your forehead, take your temperature and, if necessary, consult a doctor.
6. The child wants to insist on his own
Everyone wants to feel important, including children. Even the smallest ones are already individuals with their own opinions and views. Children want to manage the situation at least occasionally and make their own decisions. Where to go, what to wear, what toys to take with you, what route to take, what to order in a cafe. This improves their self-esteem.
What to do. Agree with your child if this is not important to you. If you cannot accept what the child insists on, explain why.
7. Child copies adults
Each person is unique, with their own set of qualities, and no two people are alike. But the environment corrects us, like seawater stones. Unconsciously, we imitate each other and become similar.
I once heard about an experiment conducted by American psychologists. Two people were invited into an isolated room with good mood. They met and started communicating. A third person entered the room - in a bad mood. He silently sat down on an empty chair and did not show himself in any way. Didn't move, didn't talk, didn't take part in the conversation. However, soon the mood of the other two participants in the experiment soured.
For children, family and close environment like a room like this. If mom and dad are irritated, nervous or angry, then the child will very soon do the same. Children are sensitive to our moods, they absorb everything.
What to do. Take care of yourself and control your emotions.
Sometimes it happens that children demand constant attention to themselves, pester and do not allow a step to be taken without them.
Here are the most common reasons behavior like this:
It is important to distinguish a reasonable demand from a whim and act accordingly. If your child selfishly demands that the world revolve only around him, explain that he is wrong. He must take into account the interests of all family members just as they do.
In a conflict situation, always start with an explanation and, if possible, give a choice. Only then can the child be forced. Sometimes you have to scold, but this should be done as a last resort.
When you explain something to children, it is important to make sure that they understand you correctly and that you mean the same thing.
One day we were getting ready to go to the sea. We decided in the evening and left in the morning. They told our three-year-old son about the trip already in the car, because they didn’t want to upset him if something went wrong.
Hearing that we were going to the sea for four days, my son began to cry and shout: “I don’t want to! Turn back! We're going home!" We stopped in confusion near a roadside cafe. He ate the cake, ran around, and calmed down a little. Then we agreed that we would go to the sea and just look at it. If he doesn’t like it there, we immediately turn back.
And when we arrived at the place and checked into the apartment, the child’s mood changed dramatically. He began to have fun, hum, took toys out of his backpack and began to lay them out. And then it turned out that my son decided that we would live near the sea on the sand, like the characters in the cartoon he had recently watched. And this scared him very much. And we settled in a house with beds, and he was quite happy with this kind of rest. For us, this incident became a good lesson: we must always clarify whether we understand each other correctly.
If the situation is heating up and your patience is about to run out, try to pause before scolding your child. Count to ten. Ask yourself: “Why? Who will benefit from this?
And learn. Do this rarely, but firmly. Say that you understand his desire, and then explain briefly and clearly why you cannot do what he wants now. The child will understand. If he continues to insist (which children often do), use his own techniques. Just repeat: “No, no, no.”
(7 votes: 4.29 out of 5)Your baby is capricious: he is sick, wants to get your attention or achieve something, protests against overprotectiveness or just tired... After reading this book by practicing child psychologist Alevtina Lugovskaya, you will find out the reasons for your child’s whims, receive the necessary recommendations on how to learn to prevent their occurrence, whether to indulge children’s whims, and how to behave during a child’s tantrum. In the book you will also find games, riddles and nursery rhymes that will help distract your baby from his whims.
Chapter I. Why the child is capricious
1. Introduction
My dear parents! Once you have taken on this difficult task of being parents, you will have to study all the intricacies of one of the greatest sciences in the world - the science of raising children. And this is oh, how difficult it is, not to mention that it is even more difficult to apply the theory of education in practice, especially to your own child.
Imagine that you are getting ready for work, you are in a hurry, and your beloved child, for no apparent reason, begins to be capricious, cry, or even become hysterical. You grab your head and don't know what to do. Or at the table the baby suddenly refuses to eat, screams, throws the spoon, and no effort can be made to calm him down and feed him. Sometimes the baby refuses to sleep. In the middle of the night, he suddenly starts calling you loudly, without thinking about sleep. He seems to be testing your patience, and you, with half-closed eyes, struggling with sleep, sit by his bed and tell him the same fairy tale for the third time. What's happening to him?
It turns out that between the ages of one and three to five years, a child undergoes a restructuring, during which he gains new experience, begins to understand more, and experiences emotional conflicts more acutely. It is at this time that the baby begins to be capricious, having learned that in the world, in addition to the word “yes,” there is also the word “no.”
Some pediatricians call this age the “first age of stubbornness” (the second refers to ages 12–14). So suddenly your seemingly docile little son or daughter becomes capricious and obstinate, stubbornly refuse to fulfill any demands, and at the same time they can behave very ugly: stamp their feet, cry, scream, throw everything that comes to hand, rushing on the floor, trying in this way to achieve what you want.
The causes of such hysterical attacks are usually very simple, but an adult is not always able to immediately recognize them.
So, why is the child capricious? There are several possible answers to this question.
Option one. The child is capricious, cries if something bothers him, he is sick, but he himself does not understand it. After all, young children cannot feel what is happening in their body the way adults feel and understand it.
Option two. The baby wants to attract attention. He chose this way to communicate with you either for purely selfish reasons, since he is better off with his parents than alone, or he really does not have enough attention. If the latter is true, it is worth thinking seriously about it.
Option three. Being capricious, the child wants to achieve something very desirable, namely: a gift, permission to go for a walk, or something else that the parents prohibit for some reasons incomprehensible to the child.
Option four. The child protests against excessive care and demonstrates a desire to be independent. This is quite natural if you adhere to an authoritarian parenting style, because he wants to be independent, and you constantly direct him: “You will put on this shirt!”, “You can’t do this!”, “Stop looking around!” etc.
Option five. There is no reason that could cause hysteria. It’s simply an expression of the child’s internal conflict with himself. Or maybe he just didn't get enough sleep today? Or was he very tired during the day and that’s why he was capricious? Your family quarrels and scandals can also affect his mood. Think, analyze everything. As Janusz Korczak said, “a child is undisciplined and angry because he suffers.” In the reasons for his suffering lies the answer to the question of why he is capricious.
Now let’s look at each option in more detail and try to understand the reasons for this or that child’s behavior and how to help him cope with himself.
2. The baby got sick
A child’s whims may be evidence that he is sick, but cannot say so because he himself does not understand what is happening to him.
One of the signs of the disease is a change in behavior. In this case, the appetite usually decreases, the baby is easily excited, cries for no reason, sometimes lies down on the sofa, sometimes sits with an indifferent look. Attentive parents will immediately notice these changes and begin further inspection.
Touch his forehead. To be more sure, measure your temperature, since an increase in temperature is a consequence of the body becoming infected with some kind of infection. This is sometimes difficult to determine by eye. There are children who play even at a temperature of 38–39.5°C, not realizing that they are sick.
The first manifestation of the viral colds there may be a runny nose. This is how the body usually tries to stop the infection. A cough may also indicate an onset of illness. A runny nose, cough and shortness of breath occur, for example, with respiratory diseases, as well as with acute infectious diseases.
Ask your child if his ears hurt. It is during otitis that children are especially restless and capricious.
Often in children preschool age Abdominal pain occurs, and not necessarily as a sign of some disease. Sometimes abdominal pain is observed in nervous children with increased excitability.
Another sure sign of illness - headache, since it rarely bothers healthy children.
Monitor the child's stool and urine and whether there is vomiting. Frequent urination may be one of the symptoms of a cold Bladder And urinary tract, less often - kidney disease. Diarrhea indicates indigestion, both infectious and non-infectious. Nervous children, on the contrary, are prone to constipation. Vomiting can also be the first sign of many diseases.
Examine the child's body to see if there is a rash on it. The cause of its occurrence is infectious diseases and allergies. Moreover, the rash appears before such signs of infection as fever, lethargy, refusal to eat, etc. Specific color skin indicates the presence of some kind of disease, for example, cyanosis indicates a diseased heart, yellowness indicates jaundice, etc.
So, there are a lot of ways to find out if your baby is sick. This includes an examination, a conversation with the child, and observation of him. In any case, if you come to the conclusion that he is sick, he should be shown to the pediatrician as soon as possible. I do not advise self-medication, it is very dangerous, especially if the baby cannot yet understand and correctly explain what hurts him.
Be prepared for the fact that sick children are very capricious. Everyone knows that being sick is bad. The patient cannot run, play, he lies in bed and suffers. And it often turns out that for sick children, relatives try to do everything possible to make them feel good. They immediately find themselves in the center of attention, they get and buy any toys, sweets, fruits, and indulge their whims. Is this necessary? After all, the baby, having realized that when he is sick, everything in this house is done for him, may in the future resort to simulating illness.
I do not advocate depriving a child of parental care and attention. But you should consider whether your efforts are excessive. The main thing is not to overdo it.
3. Call for communication
A child needs parental love from the very beginning of life. However, if he is surrounded by excessive care and attention, he unconsciously begins to abuse them. So, already at the end of the first year of life, his screaming and crying can mean not only that he wants to eat or drink. Crying becomes a way for him to call his parents to him, to attract their attention. Of course, he needs communication. But at the same time, you cannot run to him at every cry and fulfill all his desires. Otherwise, then he will have only one goal - to attract the attention of adults.
Let me give you an example from my practice.
Helen is 11 months old. The parents noticed that the girl had recently become very whiny. As soon as the mother leaves the room and begins to do household chores, she begins to cry, and if the mother does not return, she begins to scream. Worried parents went to the doctor to find out if their daughter was in pain. But if they had been a little more attentive, they would have realized that Lenochka was capricious, feeling uncomfortable without her mother. There is only one way out: firstly, parents need to pay more attention to her, and secondly, not indulge the girl’s whims and not follow her lead. Gradually she must learn to play alone, because mom also has chores to do.
An increased demand for attention to oneself can manifest itself in different ways. For example, a child is capricious and demands that you come to him, or turn on the light, or fasten a button. Usually parents try to influence him with the following words: “Finally, stop whining!”, “If you continue, I will lock you in the room,” etc. As a rule, cursing and threats have no effect. After some time, the child begins to do the same, and often becomes even more capricious.
If you want to avoid whims and nervous disorders, try to spend more time together with your baby. The child feels more confident in the presence of his parents, this creates a sense of security in him. You've probably seen this picture: when you come to visit strangers, the baby clings to his mother all the time, hiding behind her. But gradually he begins to look around and from time to time makes “walks” from her to the guests he likes, constantly returning to his mother.
Many parents complain at receptions and in letters that they do not have enough time to communicate with their children. But the main thing is not how much time you spend, but how you spend it. You need to use all the opportunities that you have: evenings, weekends, etc. At the same time, you don’t have to give up household chores, but communicate with your child in the process of doing them. Just pay attention to the baby, talk to him, and he will be very happy about it.
It is very important to be sincere and natural when communicating with a child. The child will immediately feel the falseness. Therefore, to communicate with him, you need to tune in, relieve irritation, and forget about your worries. And then the time spent with the baby will bring joy to both of you.
Organize more family holidays. On such days, it is very good, in addition to the traditional feast, to come up with some surprises and entertainment for the whole family. You can go to the theater or take a country walk. There are plenty of ways to spend family time. There would be a desire!
4. Reaction to parental ban
Sometimes the reason for a child's tears can be an unexpected refusal of something he really likes. The reasons for your refusal may vary. For example, eating sweets too often led to diathesis, and the doctor advised to abstain from this at least for a while. But how to explain this small child? Or you noticed that your concessions and constant connivance led to the child becoming simply uncontrollable and no longer understanding you.
It is difficult for a child to understand what “is possible” and what “is not” means, and you must help him with this. Do not forget about the peculiarities of the baby’s psyche and physiology different periods its development.
At one year of age, a child reacts very strongly to bright and catchy objects. It is quite natural that with screams and tears he will demand to give him the object that interests him. For example, a child saw a crystal glass that shimmers so beautifully, but you are afraid that with one careless movement the child will break it into pieces and even cut his hands in the process. In this case, you should switch your baby's attention to a safer toy.
Very often, parents love their child so much that they buy too many toys. But some time passes and they all get boring. And then the child strives for something new and often forbidden. To prevent this from happening, do not give him all the toys at once, but simply change them from time to time.
Do not forget that at the age of one year a child begins to need to put every thing in his mouth. This is due to the fact that he is teething. Make sure that among the toys there are no ones that are made of weak and fragile materials. If you are buying a bright rubber toy, be sure to ask the seller what material it is made of. Recently, cases of poisoning of small children with paint, which is used to cover toys to attract the attention of buyers, have become more frequent.
One mother told a story at the reception. She loved her daughter so much that she tried to surprise her every day. The baby had a lot of toys, but she was already bored with them, and she did not pay any attention to them. And then the resourceful mother wrapped some of the toys in foil. In this way she wanted to make them more noticeable. Naturally, my daughter was very happy, but soon discovered that the foil could be unrolled. The need to taste it immediately arose. She accidentally choked on a small piece of foil, and her mother had to call a doctor.
As the child approaches three years of age, he strives to become better acquainted with the world around him. If at an early age visual and taste impressions played a big role, now he strives to become a full member of the family. He wants to participate in all household chores and realize his importance.
At this age, parents often fall from one extreme to another. I know one family who clearly divided the world into “adults” and “children.” The parents gave their child a separate room and limited his access to other places, such as the kitchen. This was not due to educational goals, it was just that the parents loved the baby so much that they were terrified for him. It seemed to them that in the kitchen a pan of hot compote might fall on him, and in the living room he might be exposed to radiation from the TV. They even forbade him to run because he might fall and hit the radiator.
But the curious child did not accept the current situation and strove to forbidden places whenever mom or dad were distracted from his person. He was afraid of being noticed, so he tried to do everything quickly. Each time something fell, broke and broke. His parents tried to divert his attention from dangerous items with the help of sweets. Every time the child began to be interested in an object, access to which, according to the parents, was strictly prohibited for children, they gave him candy or something tasty.
My little son learned this very soon and created similar situations constantly and intentionally. Only each time his demands increased and he cried harder and screamed louder. His parents, concerned about his mental state, turned to me for help.
With great difficulty I managed to convince them that they were wrong from the start. After all, a child at this age strives to copy the world of adults, and you must help him with this. Let him become an assistant in all household chores. Just present it in the form of a game. Do you do laundry? Give him a small basin and let him wash his socks. Do you cook in the kitchen? Let him do the same and feed his toys. There are several benefits to doing household chores together. Firstly, the child is nearby all the time and you avoid unpleasant surprises. Secondly, you have an excellent opportunity to explain to your child the purpose of certain objects and show which of them are dangerous for him.
You think that the child is very small and does not understand anything. This is the most common misconception. He understands much more than you think. Whims, and sometimes even hysterics, are a unique way to test your reaction. In such cases, you must be firm and consistent. Let your child be alone with himself and he will soon realize that he was mistaken and change his behavior.
You will have to face certain difficulties when the time comes for your baby to go to school. kindergarten IR. If you've spent a lot of time talking with your child and he's already learned the dos and don'ts, that's good. It will be enough for you to talk to him again and explain that it is impossible to buy everything at the same time. One boy has a car, another has a train, the third has a gun... It’s clear that he wants everything at once and now. Explain that this doesn’t happen, so you have to share.
If this doesn’t help, play a game called “Shop”. Give him toy money and ask him to do the necessary shopping. Very soon the money will run out, and the baby will understand that sooner or later everything comes to an end and what he wants is not always available.
You will find the way to your child's heart if you talk to him as equal to equal. If the baby understands that you want to sort out this or that issue with him, many whims and troubles can be avoided. And the baby will grow up calm and unspoiled.
5. Self-affirmation
As already noted, an excessively enthusiastic attitude towards children, in which they feel excessive parental love, creates selfishness and selfishness in them. The child develops hypertrophied self-esteem, that is, he is undemanding of himself, but is intolerant and overly demanding of others. At the same time, some children are so tired of parental love that they develop emotional overstrain, which is expressed in tears, whims, stubbornness, and opposition to everything that comes from adults.
A child perceives parental care in different ways: sometimes as a manifestation of love, sometimes as a hindrance and suppression of his “I”. Numerous studies by psychologists show that from an early age a child can harmonious development a certain balance of guardianship and freedom is necessary. He must feel that he is not only looked after and surrounded by care, but also given the right to make independent choices, understood and respected. For example, a child begins to behave badly at the table. He refuses some dishes, asks for other food, demands a pacifier, although he has not used it for a long time. If in this case you openly put pressure on him, he will continue his whims and become even more stubborn. It is necessary to agree that he has become independent and can choose his own dishes and eat as much as he wants. Believe me, he will not die of hunger, his life instinct will not let him die. Treat what is happening with patience and humor.
Many parents believe that they adhere to a democratic parenting style, but in reality this turns out not to be the case. Some children are literally not allowed to take a step by their “caring” mothers: “Don’t go there! Don't take this into your hands! Don't play here! These are just some of the lines that can be heard on the playground from morning to evening. Yes, parents should protect their children from troubles, help them live in complex world, but is this always necessary? Still, a child is not a doll, not a piece of clay, and in many ways he creates himself, whether we like it or not. He needs to find out everything and try everything himself, and without getting his head around it this won’t work. It is better if you explain to your child what to do in a given situation, rather than being overprotective and prohibiting everything. IN otherwise, he will never gain independence and self-confidence, will always act according to your orders and will remain infantile (and there are plenty of examples of this).
Pull yourself together, be patient and act like one wonderful mother who told her son when he came from the street: “It was a bad walk, since he came clean!”
To give a child the right to independence, it is necessary to distinguish his desire from his own interests. I will give an example from my practice.
Dad really wanted to give his five-year-old son a gift. He took him to the toy store. There the boy began asking for what he thought was a wonderful blue car. But dad, having examined it, said that the machine was fragile and would quickly break down. And he offered to buy another one, much more expensive. “But it’s nice to look at her!” he said admiringly. The purchase took place. The father was pleased, and the child, barely holding back tears, kept secretly looking at the car he liked. “Why don’t you thank me, son?” asked the father in surprise. He did not understand that he did what he wanted, and his son only succumbed to his pressure. This gift did not bring any joy or satisfaction to the boy, because it was not chosen by him. IN in this case The father's selfishness towards his son manifested itself. The child was given to understand that he was still small and could not do anything on his own. By the way, the father also broke his promise to his son. After all, he took the boy to the store so that he could choose a toy for himself.
Sometimes in many families, excessive severity and drill are dictated by the interests not of the child, but of the parents, for whom an obedient child causes less trouble. After all, it is always more convenient if the child is quiet, calm, sits in a corner and does not bother anyone, does not distract adults with questions and requests to play. But how will such a baby grow up? Will he be a harmoniously developed, creative person or will he remain “downtrodden” and limited throughout his life?
6. Invisible reasons for whims
Under the age of five, due to insufficient life experience and the inability to critically comprehend what is happening, any situation can become a very strong irritant for the child. This includes incorrect behavior of parents (quarrels and conflicts between them, fights, aggressiveness towards the child, other family members or pets), and some kind of street impressions.
It is known that people are born with different types nervous system. Those who have a strong type of nervous system are calm, do not get upset over trifles, and are resistant to all sorts of troubles. People with a weak nervous system are more sensitive, vulnerable, they experience everyday difficulties more acutely.
Children with a weak nervous system are overly excitable, they have an increased response to various external and internal stimuli. For example, some children react very strongly to even minor pain: it makes them hysterical. A lump in porridge can cause vomiting; watching a scary movie at night can deprive you of sleep. It is difficult to stop such a child if he is capricious. Try to calm him down, distract him, and if you notice that the stressful state does not go away for a long time, contact a neurologist or psychologist.
Chapter II. What to do if your baby is naughty?
1. Should I indulge his whims?
To raise and raise a child, parents often have to sacrifice personal affairs, work, and finances. But we must distinguish which sacrifices are necessary and which are harmful, since one of the troubles of “home pedagogy” is precisely that parents make unnecessary sacrifices. By trying to give your child a delicacy that is clearly intended only for him, to buy an expensive toy, or another new thing to the detriment of yourself, you pamper him and give him a reason to feel like “the one and only.” And this can lead to the development of selfishness. If a child from an early age is accustomed to being the center of attention and not being denied anything, this gradually becomes a life norm for him. He no longer understands or does not want to understand that the fulfillment of his desires infringes on the interests of other people - he is still capricious and insists on his own, regardless of anyone.
Of course, in middle-income families (and especially in low-income families) they give all the best to their children, because it is not possible to provide equally for all family members. But it is worth doing this in such a way that the child does not notice that he is given preference. Give him the most delicious pieces unnoticed, buy new things without focusing attention on it. So that the child does not grow up greedy, from the very beginning younger age we need to teach him to share toys with his friends, to rejoice in their successes, to talk not only about himself, but also about them. Raise him so that he is not selfish. The situation is worse if your baby is - only child in family. He often becomes spoiled, getting used to being the center of attention from the cradle. And if he is also the only grandchild of his grandparents, the danger of raising him to be selfish and capricious increases.
As a rule, such a child develops in greenhouse conditions. Adults deprive him of his independence, and he grows up unadapted to life. And it all starts, in general, innocently, with conversations like this: “Who do we love more than anyone in the world? Of course, Vanechka (Kolenka, Dimochka, etc.)! Who is our best? Of course he is! Several years pass, and it turns out that for Vanechka, only he is the most beloved and dear.
In an atmosphere of excessive care, only children get used to taking the service and help of their parents for granted. They begin to feel strength in their weakness, abuse the attention of their parents and make excessive demands on them, becoming “little despots.” They cannot be denied anything, otherwise they become hysterical.
All this can be avoided if you build your education system wisely.
Firstly, parents need to take into account that love should be expressed not only in tenderness and affection, but also in demands.
Demanding is a mandatory element proper upbringing. The understanding that in life there is not only “I want” and “I don’t want”, but also “need” should be instilled in a child from a very young age. He must be guided not only by his own desires, but also by the need for this or that for other family members. If a child is taught from childhood to fulfill the reasonable demands placed on him, he will quickly get used to the conditions of kindergarten, to study at school, and will grow up strong-willed, organized and disciplined.
When children’s “give” and “I want” begin to go beyond the limits of reason, they must collide with your “no,” “you can’t,” “I don’t allow,” and the success of your entire education system will depend on these first prohibiting words.
I advise you to express your demands in a persistent, but calm and friendly manner. If you just yell at your child and constantly reprimand him with the words: “Don’t you dare!”, “Don’t run!”, “Don’t touch!” – nothing good will come of this. Shouting only irritates and irritates the child, but does not teach him anything.
Secondly, we must remember that a necessary condition Proper upbringing is the unity of requirements for the child. It is impossible for one of the parents to allow what the other prohibits. For example, mom didn’t let the baby go for a walk, but dad allowed it. Parents, having learned about the contradictory nature of their demands, begin to swear and tug at the child: “will you go,” “will you not go,” etc. The discrepancy in demands prevents the child from firmly grasping the need to obey his parents and makes him capricious. Sometimes conflicting demands can lead to opportunism. The child will quickly understand which of his relatives can be pityed, from whom he can get his desires fulfilled, and with whom he must be quiet and obedient. With a strict dad he will behave in a disciplined manner, but with kind mother will begin to “get out” and get his way.
It is very bad if adults, in the presence of a child, begin to argue about the correctness and incorrectness of his upbringing, accusing each other of pedagogical errors, excessive kindness or severity. In this case, on the one hand, parental authority is undermined, and on the other, the child suffers because of a quarrel between mom and dad. But the authority of parents should always be high, otherwise successful upbringing is unthinkable. Your child believes that his mom and dad are the best. Do not destroy his faith with meaningless quarrels and mutual reproaches! It is painful for a child to hear anything bad about his father or mother, to see them scolding each other.
If you set an example for your child with your lifestyle, and your requirements for him are the same and you always keep your promises, then your authority will be recognized and this will help you avoid many problems.
2. How to respond to tantrums
We have already considered the possible actions of parents in situations when the baby is capricious.
But a child can also have a real hysteria with fits of rage, during which he throws everything that comes to hand. From strong tears, with which the baby literally choke, he may even faint. Such fainting does not cause serious harm to the child’s health, but it is still better to avoid them: you should try to stop hysterics as quickly as possible, without bringing the baby to a critical state, and remember: such attacks are a signal that the child is experiencing a strong internal conflict.
The behavior of parents during whims and hysterics should be based on three principles: try to understand, identify the limits of acceptable behavior, and show sympathy.
For example, you already know that the baby really wants to be independent and at the same time is afraid of losing the care of his parents. Contradictions torment him, and this results in a violent refusal of everything that is offered to him, in whims or hysteria, even in attacks of rage when the child throws toys, pushes you, fights. Under no circumstances give in to the child, but also do not respond with rudeness to rudeness. Remaining calm, talk to him like an adult, don't think that he won't understand. Ask what happened, and based on his story, try to figure out the situation with him and find a compromise.
Explain to your child that you cannot agree with his demands, that there are limits to everything, and you are not going to indulge him. At the same time, show that you love him very much and sympathize with his experiences. Tell them that adults can’t always do what they want either. Promise that you will now play some interesting game with him.
Let me give you one example. When four-year-old Maxim was put to bed, he always resisted furiously: he stood up, walked around the room, and played. His parents forced him to lie down again. It ended with swearing and flogging. Why did the boy behave this way? He just tried to attract the attention of his dad and mom in such a strange way. After the punishment he calmed down, but the next day the situation repeated itself. The parents became increasingly angry and irritated, constantly scolding and punishing the boy. It turned out to be a vicious circle: the more the child was capricious, the more he was punished, the more he was punished, the more stubborn he became. A real domestic war was taking place. Moreover, children usually win such a war, spending much less effort than their parents. Kids quickly understand how to “pull” adults and use it skillfully.
Some parents believe that a capricious child must be kept under control, otherwise he will do God knows what. At the same time, they do not take into account that often the child’s whims are associated with the fact that he lacks understanding and warmth.
If a child refuses to sleep, this may be caused by increased excitability of his nervous system. Invite your baby to go to bed with his favorite toy or tell him a fairy tale or sing a lullaby.
A child’s internal conflicts can be expressed in a kind of “regression.” He suddenly begins to speak poorly, asks for a pacifier, demands feeding from a spoon. Don't be alarmed. This is a typical reaction of preschool children to the contradictions that torment them. In this way, the child seems to protect himself from difficult and incomprehensible situations. Accept these conditions, but don't be horrified by them. Over time, the regressive phenomena will pass. If they remain for a long time, seek help from a qualified specialist.
Try to communicate with your baby with humor. Teach him to love jokes and entertainment. In some situations, you can tease him or laugh at yourself without malice. Laughter can help you cope with your child's whims and avoid conflict situations.
3. About parental love
Don't be afraid to show your baby that you love him. Some parents think that they cannot openly express their feelings for their child, otherwise he will grow up to be a darling and a sissy. Everything is good in moderation. There is a difference between constant exaggerated admiration for your child: “Oh, you are our favorite, you are our dear!” – and a truthful, natural manifestation of love for him. It is unlikely that a woman will believe in a man’s love if she does not hear words of recognition. Why are we so afraid to tell our children that we love them? After all, they themselves often exclaim: “Mommy, how I love you!” – without being embarrassed by your feelings. For a child, confirmation that he is loved is very important, especially when for some reason he is separated from his parents. In the course of numerous experiments, scientists have proven that children hospitalized better tolerate separation from their parents and recover faster when they are sure that they are loved, and do not think that their parents abandoned them there as punishment for bad behavior.
We can give the following example.
Five-year-old Olesya was capricious and screamed loudly every time she didn’t like something. At the same time, she stomped her feet and threw toys. The adults could neither calm her down nor persuade her. In the end, the parents decided to do this: let the girl cry alone. But so that she does not feel rejected, abandoned, her mother will talk to her kindly and try to explain that everyone in the family loves her and it is very unpleasant for them to hear her cry. The parents achieved their goal: Olesya believed in her parents’ love, became less capricious, and over time completely calmed down.
A few words about ways to express warm feelings. They can be verbal and non-verbal. The verbal method is verbal expressions, the non-verbal method is facial expressions and gestures. Both are very important. Some parents believe that when the baby grows up, he no longer needs physical contact with his parents. However, experimental data show that at the age of up to five years, precisely such contact is necessary not only for emotional, but also for mental development child.
Chapter III. How to distract a child from whims
One way to cope with children's whims and tantrums is to switch the child's attention to something else. For example: “Oh, what big tears are wasted! Let’s collect them in a bottle!” Or: “Look, there’s a whimsy sitting on your shoulder and crying. Let's drive her away! " You can distract the baby’s attention with some new bright object or offer him interesting activity. For example, watch a filmstrip, cartoon or read your favorite fairy tale with him.
You can invite your child to participate in the activity you have chosen (cleaning the apartment, cooking, etc.), or decide together what you will do. Or you can join your child’s activities yourself. Stop being a strict parent for a while and become an equal participant in some children's game.
For example, play family. Take on the role of a child, and let your baby be a father or mother. Playing the role of an adult, he will use the experience gained in the family, and you will see yourself as if from the outside. And this is sometimes very useful!
All three communication options are very important. When a child gets involved in your affairs, he feels needed and joins the world of adults. If you decide together what to do, he gets used to democratic communication: he learns how to choose what everyone likes, and not just him. By playing a children's game, you yourself learn to understand the baby, and the child feels his importance (after all, in games he is always the main one, and the parent is only a timid student). But the most important thing, of course, is that in all cases the child enjoys joint communication, feels parental love and becomes more understanding and gentle.
1. Nursery rhymes
You can distract and amuse your baby with folk nursery rhymes.
Thumb-boy, where have you been?
I went to the forest with this brother,
I cooked cabbage soup with this brother,
I ate porridge with this brother,
I sang songs with this brother.
At these words, the adult touches the child’s fingers: first the thumb, then the rest.
Take some soft toy, for example, a cat, and, turning to it, playfully shaking your finger, say:
Pussy, pussy,
Pussy, come on!
On the track
Don't sit down!
Our baby
It'll do
It will fall through the pussy!
At the last words, the adult hugs the baby and presses the cat to him.
A child may also be interested in a poem about a bunny.
Once upon a time there was a bunny
Long ears.
The bunny got frostbitten
Ears on the edge.
Frostbitten nose
Frostbitten ponytail
And went to warm up
Visit the kids.
Try this poem about a bird:
A bird sat on the window,
Stay with us for a while!
Sit down, don't fly away,
Flew away. - Ay!
At the beginning of the poem, a toy is shown, and at the end (at the word “Ay!”) it hides. You can show a live bird sitting outside the window.
Draw a steam locomotive and amuse the child. The content of the poem “Steam Locomotive” includes the child in active play, motor and onomatopoeic.
The locomotive whistled
And he brought the trailers.
Chok-chok, choo-choo!
I'll take you far!
The poem must be read in a clear rhythm, singing the last line drawn out, imitating a locomotive whistle. You can stand up, holding each other, and move around the room to the beat of the words, repeating together: “Choh-choh, choo-choo! Chok-chok, choo-choo!”
An adult can portray a horse that stands shaking its head, and then go on a journey with the baby on its back.
Hop! Hop! The horse is alive
And with a tail and a mane,
He shakes his head -
That's how beautiful it is!
You get on your horse
And hold on with your hands.
Look at us -
We're leaving for mom's.
You can kind of “butt” with a child and make him laugh with a nursery rhyme:
I'll tie the goat
To the white birch tree.
I'll tie the horned one
To the white birch tree:
Stop, my goat,
Stop, don't butt heads,
White birch,
Stop, don't swing.
If there is a cat in the house, bring it to your child and sing this joke:
Like our cat
The fur coat is very good.
Like a cat's mustache
Amazingly beautiful
Bold eyes, white teeth.
The cat went to the street,
The cat bought a bun
Should I eat it myself?
Or should Borenka (Petenka, Vanechka, etc.) be demolished?
I'll bite myself
And I’ll take Borenka down.
2. Riddles
Tell your child riddles about animals, maybe they will interest him, and he will forget about his whims.
You will find her
Summer in the swamp.
green frog,
Who is this? (Frog.)
Cunning cheat
Red head.
The fluffy tail is beautiful!
And her name is... (Fox.)
Gets up early
He's singing in the yard.
There is a comb on the head,
Who is this? (Cockerel.)
She's usually in no hurry
He wears a strong shield on his back.
Under him, without knowing fear,
Walking... (Turtle.)
Who's on the Christmas tree?
Everyone shouts: “Kuk-ku, kuk-ku?”
(Cuckoo.)
He shakes his beard,
Walking across the lawn
"Give me some weed,
Me-e-ee.”
I don't understand
I don't understand
Who moos all the time: “Moo”?
3. Games
A very good distraction for a child who is naughty is playing together. I want to offer you some of them. These games are not only entertaining, but also educational.
Sunshine and rain
Game for kids 2–3 years old. She teaches children to designate one object using another. So, a chair or a table will be a house in this game in which you need to hide. You can use a circle outlined in chalk or a corner of the room as a house. The driver says: “The sun is in the sky, you can go for a walk.” Players jump, run, dance. At the words of the driver: “It’s starting to rain, hurry home!” - Children should run to their houses. The driver praises those who did it faster and more deftly.
Duck
In this game, an adult takes on the role of a duck, and children take on the role of ducklings, who follow the duck’s tail. The duck calls the ducklings in a tongue twister:
Faster, faster, ducklings,
Faster, faster, wild feathers.
A duckling (or several ducklings) line up one after another after the duckling and follow it around the room, overcoming various obstacles - crawling under chairs, climbing over the sofa, etc. In this case, you can invite the children to imitate the quack of ducklings for greater authenticity.
Geese are flying
The adult is the driver in this game. He names various birds that fly: “ducks are flying,” “geese are flying,” etc. After these words, children should raise their hands and wave their “wings” if the named bird really flies. But when the driver says, for example, “the pikes are flying,” the players stand without raising their hands. The one who makes a mistake gives the driver a phantom (an item belonging to him), and then, at the driver’s request, performs some task. In this game, the driver names only those animals and birds that are known to the children, that is, the tasks must be appropriate for the age of the children.
Hide and seek
You can play hide and seek if there is enough space in the apartment for this. Children love to hide, and this game will quickly cheer up a naughty child. The rules of the game are known to everyone, I will not repeat them, I will only note that you should not try to hide so that the child cannot find you, and you should not find him too quickly either. Look for him, intrigue him, then, having found him, act very surprised, saying, how did you manage to hide like that, I barely found (found) you!
Chepena
A fun game reminiscent of the famous group game “If life is fun, do this...”. The players stand in a circle, the driver stands in the middle. If you and your baby are playing together, stand opposite each other. You will be the leader of the game. The child should repeat all your words and movements. And the words are:
Left foot, chepena,
Goy, goy, chepena.
(The players repeat the words and jump on their left leg.)
Right foot, chepena,
Goy, goy, chepena.
(Everything is the same, only they bounce on their right leg.)
Let's go ahead, chepena,
Goy, goy, chepena.
(Children repeat the same.)
Let's go back, chepena,
Goy, goy, chepena.
(Players repeat.)
Movements can be invented ad infinitum. You can end it all with a dance:
Let's dance, chepena,
Goy, goy chepena.
Handkerchief
A game of skill and attention. Recommended for two or more participants. The players stand in a circle and dance in a circle (maybe accompanied by music). At the end of the music or simply at some point, the driver throws up a handkerchief. The other players' task is to catch him. Whoever catches the scarf first wins!
Silent
Before starting the game, the participants say a rhyme, for example:
An apple rolled through the garden
And fell straight into the water...
Bool!
After this, everyone should be silent. The presenter tries to make the players laugh with different movements, words, and facial expressions. Whoever laughs loses. He gives the presenter a forfeit, and then completes some task.
Land and water
Reaction game. She will make you laugh and distract your child from his whims. The game leader is in charge of the game. It can be both you and your baby. You can also involve other family members in the game, such as your baby’s grandmother or brother (sister).
When the leader says “land,” the player or players jump forward, and when the leader says “water,” they jump back.
The assignments can be changed if desired. For example, don’t jump if not everyone likes it, but raise your arms, squat, say something. The leader’s words can also be changed: “coast-river”, “sea-land”, etc.
Treasure search
Hide some sweets or a toy in the room. Get your child interested in the fact that the “treasure” is very tasty or very pleasant for him. Then outline the place where you need to look for it. The degree of difficulty of the task depends on the age of the child. You should not hide the “treasure” so that the child, exhausted, simply stops looking for it. He must find what is hidden, and the joy of knowing that he was able to do this will be enormous.
What is your name
The presenter gives the player or players names: Button, Broom, Bubble, etc. After that, he asks the player questions, which he must answer with one word - his game name. If a participant makes a mistake or hesitates, he loses.
Body
For this game, you can take a basket or imagine it. The players must take turns putting different objects into the basket. Condition: names of objects must begin with the same letter. For example, we put all the items starting with “a” in the basket: orange, alphabet, watercolor, watermelon, etc.
What is this? For this game you will need a scarf, toys or various small items. Participants in the game take turns blindfolding and by touch trying to determine what kind of object they were given. Objects should be familiar to the child so that he special effort I was able to guess them. Your task, on the contrary, is to think longer and pretend that you are having difficulty answering. The awareness of one's superiority will greatly delight and amuse the child.
The sea is agitated once...
This game can be played alone with a child or in a group. The driver says the words: “The sea is worried - one, the sea is worried - two, the sea is worried - three...” And then the task sounds: what figure should the player draw, and in conclusion: “freeze the sea figure!” After this, the driver should try to make the players laugh. The one who laughs becomes the driver. Children love this game very much: they enjoy inventing tasks and depicting various figures.
Guess
This game distracts the baby from his problems, entertains, and also develops attention and visual memory. The adult shows the child several objects, for example, toys (no more than 6–8, depending on age). Then he quietly removes one or two of them. The child must remember which toys are missing. Instead of toys or objects, you can use pictures with images.
What did I wish for?
The driver makes a wish for an object in the room. His task is to describe this item to another player, without naming it, but in such a way that it is clear. The player must guess what the driver has wished for. After that they change places.
Zhmurki
This game is known to everyone and does not need a detailed explanation. One of those present (adult or child) is blindfolded, and he looks for the other, trying to grab him. Typically, children love to be in the role of the sought-after; they are amused by the helplessness of adults who find themselves in such a situation.
Snowball
The game trains memory well and develops attention. The players take turns calling out any words that come to their minds. The main thing is that these are the names of objects or animals (nouns). When the first player names a word, for example “house,” the second must first repeat it and then name his word. The next player repeats all the previous words and names his own. This continues until someone gets confused. Then you can repeat the game.
Magic words
The adult acts as a driver who gives simple commands to the other players: “Please raise your hands! Please stand on your toes!” The players must repeat his commands, but on the condition that they sound with the word “please”. Whoever makes a mistake leaves the game.
Games with improvised means
If there is a hoop in the house, you can compete with your child to see who can climb through it faster or jump from wall to wall in it.
You can come up with many games with a children's jump rope. For example, “harness” dad and play “horse”. The baby happily runs around the apartment, holding on to the “reins.”
If you have a ball, you can play football. To avoid breaking the dishes, change the conditions of the game: blindfolded, you need to make one hit on the ball. This will not be an easy task, since first the player is blindfolded, then they circle him in one place, and only after that he is given the opportunity to find the ball and hit it. If I didn’t find it, I lost!
You can have a competition with skittles. For example, who can collect them faster blindfolded? Or knock them out with a small ball - whoever knocks them down the most.
Interesting competition games can be arranged with other objects: tennis balls, toys, balloons, pencils, strings, etc.
Mini games
If at the most crucial moment, as luck would have it, you cannot remember a single game or joke, try to invent them, because everything ingenious is very simple!
For example, invite your child to go for a walk and arrange a competition “Who can get dressed the fastest” or “Who can run to the hallway the fastest.” You can organize a “Dress Me” game. Let your child dress you for a walk, and you dress him. You have to play the role of an inept child and wear everything wrong. Let the baby laugh at you, the main thing is to calm him down and relieve nervous tension.
Game rules
Even the best game should not be protracted, only then will it interest and amuse the child.
Play with your child willingly. If you just pretend that you are playing, and your head is busy with other things, he will immediately understand this, because children are very sensitive to falsehood.
4. Baby draws
A capricious child can be distracted by offering to draw together. Indeed, at the age of 1 to 5 years, all children love this activity very much. It promotes mental and creative development, teaches independence.
Invite your child to draw with anything: pencils, felt-tip pens, paints, inks. Place a large sheet of paper in front of him and draw something yourself. I'm sure he won't resist and will start drawing after you. Under no circumstances should you be condescending or mocking towards his art; encourage and praise him. And he will become interested in this interesting business.
IV. Conclusion
If you, dear parents, really want to help your child get rid of whims, support him on the difficult path of personality development, then look at the world more often through his eyes in order to understand how he sees the family around him, you, himself. And many of the unresolved problems will become clearer, and you will get rid of difficulties in parenting.
Remember that a child’s good or bad behavior is the result of his internal activity. And in order for this result to be only good, you must help him.
The question of why some young children are constantly naughty and cry cannot but worry many parents.
Why do whims arise?
Almost all parents daily encounter their child’s reluctance to sleep, eat, get dressed, return from a walk or go to kindergarten. The child begins to cry, refuses to do what he’s supposed to do, and sometimes just whines or screams. There are several main reasons for this behavior:
- The group of physical reasons includes fatigue, thirst, hunger, desire to sleep and any disease. The baby feels “out of place”, not understanding the reasons that caused this condition. To eliminate many of these reasons, parents just need to strictly follow the baby’s daily routine - give him water and food on time, put him to bed.
- The need for attention - if you communicate with your baby more often, then most of the tantrums can be avoided. Mom's love for a baby is like a sip fresh air. Not receiving required quantity attention, the baby himself will begin to pull it out in all possible ways. It’s better not to wait for the baby to start hysterics, but to put aside your business for a while, turn off the Internet, turn off the phone and just hug him. It's even better to spend some time with him, play, talk about something.
- The thirst to achieve what you want. The little sly one notices the weak points of his parents and looks for ways to put pressure on them. If parents try to pay off the child’s whims with gifts, then the child instantly catches on to a scheme that is beneficial to himself. Therefore, it is more important to teach him to negotiate with others and look for other solutions to his problems.
Nature itself is designed in such a way that in adults, a child’s cry immediately evokes a strong emotional reaction. This is a necessity, since such reflection can save the health and life of the baby. But if he cries all the time, then you should figure out what is causing it.
The whims of infants
Parents remember the first 3-4 months of a baby’s life with a shudder. It is at this time that children usually cry and are capricious. The reasons for this may be various circumstances.
- The baby is constantly hungry if the mother has insufficient lactation or does not accept artificial formula well. If this is reflected in his weight gain, the doctor may recommend additional nutrition.
- Gases in the intestines causing colic. A nursing mother should adhere to proper diet, avoiding foods rich in fiber. The doctor may prescribe drops for the child himself to normalize the functioning of the gastrointestinal tract.
- If you have an ear infection or a cold, you should consult a doctor., to whom the mother should tell about changes in the child’s behavior.
- Most babies don't like wet diapers. and react sharply to them. Therefore, they need to be changed on time or use diapers.
- Infants often experience feelings of loneliness, but when picked up, they quickly calm down.
It is difficult for young and inexperienced parents to understand the reason for a child's crying. They need to learn to listen to the baby and quickly eliminate the causes of his dissatisfaction.
The whims of one-year-old babies
At the age of one year, babies encounter the first prohibitions and can react to them quite violently: stomping their feet, throwing objects, screaming loudly. Parents who are aware of such age characteristics, will try to prevent such aggressive behavior offspring.
One-year-old babies can also be capricious for various reasons that parents need to determine:
Time management would be very helpful for young mothers, which actually means a daily routine - the ability to properly distribute your time. With the help of simple...
- The cause of whim may be internal conflict or illness b - the baby does not understand why he feels bad, but signals about it in an accessible way- we cry.
- Protest against excessive guardianship is aimed at striving for greater freedom when he does not want to return home from a walk or put on the clothes offered.
- The desire to imitate parents should be supported, allowing the child to participate in everyday affairs. Thanks to this, the child can always be kept under supervision and gradually taught how to handle new objects.
- The baby may react to strong expressions of emotions, therefore, tight control or excessive severity can drive him to hysterics. The baby must be treated as an equal person, without expecting him to unquestioningly carry out his will.
Children's tears also have invisible reasons. So, if the baby has a weak temperament, then he may manifest himself in constant whims and crying, since the baby reacts sharply to stimuli, quickly becomes overexcited and immediately gets tired. As he gets older, he will learn to cope with this, but before that he needs to be provided with timely rest and the correct regime.
The whims of children at 2 years old
This age is difficult because even docile toddlers become tyrants, whose demands and whims parents cannot cope with. Many children experience increased excitability and sleep problems, which can lead to tantrums. In two-year-old children, the following reasons can be identified that most often cause whims.
- Socialization of the baby begins at this age when he has to learn rules of interaction and communication with other people that are unusual for him. The child may sharply resist new restrictions regarding his freedom of action and independence.
- Although at this age the baby begins to master speech, but he is not yet able to convey his feelings and intentions in words. In this case, by crying and screaming, he relieves himself of nervous tension.
- Energy unspent during the day in the evening it can lead to insomnia and whims, so during the day the baby should be allowed to actively play and move.
- Emotional condition adults The baby feels great, having a hard time enduring family quarrels and scandals.
Since at 2 years old the baby enters a crisis phase, his problems need to be responded to correctly.
The whims of children at 3 years old
The next stage of child development is crisis three years accompanied by his violent reaction. At this moment, he begins to feel a personality in himself and use the pronoun “I”. He tries to do everything himself, although he still doesn’t succeed in many things. Failures reflect on parents in the form of screams and tears.
Psychologists recommend at this age to simply be patient and wait for the end of the crisis age.
What to do with a constantly naughty baby? Each parent solves this problem in their own way. But not all methods give positive result
- , and sometimes they only make the situation worse. Here's what to do in this case: Calm down yourself and under no circumstances put pressure or yell at the little one
- . It’s better to leave him alone for a while, and then talk to him kindly. You can visit the children's center
- , where the child could learn to communicate with peers in a safe environment. If you give your baby enough attention
, then 90% of the reasons for hysterics will disappear.
When should you see a doctor? The norm, according to experts, is for the child to show his dissatisfaction 2-3 times a week. But if he is capricious regularly, and sometimes throws outright tantrums, then he should be shown to a specialist. Sometimes just a few visits are enough child psychologist
All parents should accept the whims of children at an early age as completely normal phenomenon. You just need to learn how to correctly identify their causes and eliminate them in a timely manner.
0 0 The birth of the first child in a family is a great joy that brings new worries. Sometimes the baby's behavior causes confusion among parents.
They cannot understand why a newborn baby cries during the day and does not sleep at night, and what to do in such cases. Several versions arise in my head about the cause of the scream. In fact, it’s not difficult to find out why the baby is dissatisfied.
Over time you will learn to distinguish characteristic features, by which you can determine what caused the child’s dissatisfaction. But the most interesting thing is that before the age of three months, many babies cry for no specific reason.
This phenomenon can be explained by the imperfection of the digestive and nervous systems at this age. By three months, the problem of constant unmotivated screaming most often goes away. For some children, whims all day long can last up to six months.
From this article you will learn
Fatigue is the reason for screaming
It's already 10 pm and the baby can't sleep. During the day he calmly fell asleep, and in the evening he began to be capricious. The reason for crying cannot be hunger because the child has recently eaten. His tummy is soft, he does not strain, therefore, excess gas in the abdomen and colic cannot be the cause of screaming.
A newborn baby may show unmotivated restlessness when overexcited. Too much information constantly enters his consciousness during the day. Sometimes this behavior can be observed after a walk or visiting guests. People say in such cases that the child is capricious because he has been jinxed.
A baby up to three months old may show fatigue by crying for a long time. Nothing wrong with that. He calms down so much. Having screamed, the newborn sleeps safely, and mom and dad go to drink valerian.
If after feeding in the evening or during the day the baby begins to scream, he does not push, he has a soft stomach, a normal appetite and a completely healthy appearance, the cause of the scream may well be fatigue.
Conversations, persuasion, games, as a rule, only aggravate the situation. How to help a child in this case? Some children, after screaming for 10-20 minutes, fall asleep on their own if they are left alone. Some people find that rhythmic rocking in their arms or in a stroller helps them fall asleep.
If hunger caused whims
Some parents worry that the child began to cry from hunger. In the first two weeks after the birth, the newborn sleeps more. Mom feeds him every day according to a schedule or on demand.
The baby gets used to a certain rhythm. Mom also begins to understand when the baby’s appetite is increased, and when he can easily sleep through eating only half of his allotted portion.
At breastfeeding, the more milk a baby needs per day, the more it is produced by the mother. Don't rush to teach your baby to artificial nutrition, thinking about combining breast and bottle feeding.
If the breasts do not empty properly, milk production may decrease and soon stop altogether. Although the cause of a decrease in lactation can also be a woman’s overwork or strong anxiety.
How to determine why a child is really crying - from hunger or for another reason? You can easily understand this by his behavior. At first he sleeps less during the day due date, and greedily takes on the food offered to him. Then, if he is malnourished, he will begin to cry immediately after feeding, signaling his dissatisfaction to his mother.
If the baby has eaten only half of the portion offered to him, then his crying two hours after feeding may mean that he is hungry. But if the child does not sleep, is capricious and strains an hour after a hearty meal, most likely he has colic. A cry three hours after eating may well mean hunger and a call to feed.
If a child cries incessantly for 10 minutes after a two-hour sleep, try putting him to the breast; there will be no harm in him eating ahead of time. If less than two hours have passed since the last feeding, let the baby cry for 10-15 minutes, you can give him a pacifier to calm him down. Watch to see if he strains when he screams.
Other reasons
There are 10 reasons why a baby may cry all day. Your task is to establish the truth and help. Among other things, crying can be caused by the fact that the child is sick. Then other signs of the disease should appear.
Skin rash elevated temperature, changes in the color of the skin and mucous membranes, cough, unusual color and smell of stool. A sick baby is a reason to immediately call your local doctor. Under no circumstances should you self-medicate.
Can wet films cause crying? In rare cases. Only if there are signs of irritation on the skin, which intensifies when in contact with moisture. But there will be no harm if you change the diaper one more time.
Can crying before 10 weeks of age be caused by being spoiled? No, the baby does not yet know how to manipulate others and quite sincerely expresses his feelings.
If he cries, it means he is really experiencing discomfort. Why is it necessary to calm and help? But don't panic. Most often, a child who is constantly naughty becomes calmer after three months.
Excitable baby
It is quite easy to distinguish increased excitability. Another thing is that you cannot neglect it and adapt the child to your own needs. During the first 10 weeks of life, an excitable baby flinches from a sharp sound, he is tense, and it is difficult for him to relax. In the first few months it will be difficult to get him to take a bath. Such children often suffer from colic.
Perhaps the doctor will prescribe a sedative and recommend a gentle regimen. Fewer visitors and new experiences during the day, quiet sounds and conversations, tight swaddling.
Colic in a newborn
With colic, the newborn screams from pain that occurs in the intestines due to gases accumulating there. The baby strains, jerks his legs, turns red. He cries because the pain is very unpleasant and sharp. This phenomenon occurs at the end of the first month of life.
During the day the child sleeps peacefully and suddenly a screaming attack begins. The child cries, strains, blushes. Very often, the mother who breastfeeds the baby is blamed for the occurrence of colic. Indeed, some products can cause increased gas formation and the mother should familiarize herself with the diet during pregnancy.
For example, eating some vegetables raw is not recommended for women in the first months of breastfeeding. You will need to give up sauerkraut and various preserves.
Peas and other legumes are prohibited. The diet of a nursing woman is somewhat reminiscent of table No. 5 according to Pevzner, which is used for diseases of the gastrointestinal tract and liver. You cannot drink coffee, alcohol, or chocolate.
It is advisable to drink green tea during the day or, if you are lucky enough to get it, white tea. You should give up tea at night. There is nothing particularly complicated about this diet.
How to help during colic
Parents do not need to panic when their baby experiences colic. It must be remembered that this is a fairly common problem associated with the formation of the digestive tract. If the child cries, does not sleep during the day and is pushing, you need to try his tummy. With colic, it will be hard and tense.
You can give your baby Espumisan or dill water. Fill the heating pad with warm water and wrap it in a diaper, place the baby on it with his stomach. The water should not be very hot.
The heating pad should not burn when you touch your wrist. If the baby does not sleep during the day due to colic, calm him down and take him in your arms. Don't be afraid to be spoiled. After three months, the colic problem will go away on its own.
If your baby is easily excitable, he may suffer from colic more often during the first ten weeks of life. Consult your doctor to find the right medicine for him.
Avoid walks in crowded places and home visitors. When your baby doesn't sleep during the day, you can give him a pacifier to make him feel calmer.
Let your baby grow faster and be less capricious!
The site’s journalists would very much not like to talk about this, but the fact is, when it comes to the whims of your children, you may be the reason for this. Paradox? Yes! It's a shame? Certainly! But there’s nothing you can do about it, everything comes with experience, so there’s no point in despairing. You just understand that if you behave incorrectly, they will learn to control and manipulate you. Can you solve the problem? Certainly.Children waving their arms, squealing and shouting, “I want it now!” - do not cause us the most warm feelings. That's why we often retreat. But if you give up and let things take their course, children's irritability will progress. Alas, they do not outgrow this. And as children get older, their bad behavior only gets worse.
There are ways and means to help you avoid childish temper tantrums while ensuring the safety of both your children and those around you.
We have a very capricious child. What to do?
Why is your child acting up? Why is the child capricious? This is very important to understand. Because if you change your reaction to his episodes of irritability and stop doing what he wants, the whims will stop. Most children use whims as a way to get what they want. If you tell your daughter “no” sixteen times when she wants a toy you can’t afford, and then say “yes” the seventeenth time, she will realize that she has a way of turning your “no” into a “no.” Yes".Learn to intervene in time. If you systematically try to avoid whims, they become less frequent. Children tend to become fussy when they are tired, hungry or overstimulated. Write down when moodiness occurs most often. What time of day? What preceded them? What did you do? What was the child doing? If you see history repeating itself, change your daily routine and continue to capture the changes. If you do not notice the appearance of the system, make notes about the time of getting up, eating, resting, going to bed and compare it with the time when the child is especially capricious. For example, the cause of whims in the middle of the day may be low blood sugar in a child - so he is irritated. To avoid this, just give your baby a banana between breakfast and lunch or move lunch an hour earlier.
Don't give in to children who act up because they want something. When you respond to a child's request with “no,” explain why. For example: “No, you can’t eat the chocolate mouse until you’ve had lunch.”
Children are unusually persistent. They will continue to try to get what they want, especially if whims have worked in the past. Many people throw “monstrous” tantrums if “ordinary” whims do not help. If you give in because you're afraid of a "monstrous" tantrum, you're in serious trouble. You have made it clear to your child that persistence is rewarded, you just have to try.
Babies who have barely started walking often throw tantrums because they cannot do something. Offering them a choice can help them feel less helpless. For example, if you decide that your son will have soup for lunch, offer him the choice of tomato or chicken. Don't ask if he wants soup unless you're ready to hear no.
What to do when your child is at the peak of his moodiness?
Before you talk to your child, take a few deep breaths and prepare to put your military campaign plan into action. An uncontrollable child does not understand the voice of reason. Sit down or kneel so you can look into his eyes. Tell them that it is normal to feel angry, but that it is not necessary to offend everyone. No matter how upset or angry you are, speak calmly. Screaming, spanking, and similar measures will only make the situation worse. Tell your child that anger should not defeat him. Explain that everything will be okay. If your baby is waving his arms and trying to hit you, tell him that you will hug him tightly and hold him until he calms down, so that others around him will not get hurt. Children who feel out of control are usually scared and will often calm down if hugged and held close. When the baby calms down a little, take him to another place so that he finally comes to his senses. If you are at home, this could be a children's room, but if in mall, a changing room or your car will do.
Children measure their own life according to the reaction to them, and if the buzzing and buzzing go unnoticed, they turn to squealing. If this doesn’t help, they start yelling loudly; then, if you scold and reassure them, they find the experiment successful and start again. The baby will sit quietly in your arms if you do nothing, but if you read, he lacks a reaction and immediately becomes hostile.
What do you do after a child's tantrum?
After noisy temper tantrums, children usually feel insecure and upset. They need time to collect themselves before talking about what happened. Many are unable to explain or even understand what happened. Break down a whim into its component emotions. Think of it as anger plus at least one of the other emotions. When you find ways to help children cope with “extra” emotions, their need to feel angry decreases. For example, it is enough for an upset child to help him get a toy that was placed too high; You need to spend more time with your jealous older brother, and leave a night light by your crib in the evening for your little daughter, who is afraid of the dark.
